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Characteristics of ACOA may include:Fear Of Losing Control: ACA’s maintain control of their feelings, their behavior and try to control the feelings and behavior of others.. Fear Of Losi

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Presented byMark W Weston

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Presented byMark W Weston

Any adult who was raised in a family where one parent or step-parent, or both

parents were alcoholics

Any adult who was raised in a family where one parent or step-parent, or both

parents were alcoholics

Alcoholism :

The abuse of alcohol to the extent that it interferes with major life functions of the individual such as work, health, family, friendships, etc

Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, and frequently fatal disease

The abuse of alcohol to the extent that it interferes with major life functions of the individual such as work, health, family, friendships, etc

Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, and frequently fatal disease

(as defined by the NIAA (National Institute for Alcohol Abuse)

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Fear Of Losing Control:

ACA’s maintain control of their feelings, their behavior and try to control the feelings and behavior of others They do not do this to hurt either themselves or

others, but out of fear They fear that their lives will get worse it they let go of their control, and get

uncomfortably anxious when control is not possible

Fear Of Losing Control:

ACA’s maintain control of their feelings, their behavior and try to control the feelings and behavior of others They do not do this to hurt either themselves or

others, but out of fear They fear that their lives will get worse it they let go of their control, and get

uncomfortably anxious when control is not possible

as joy and happiness.

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

up in a self-imposed state of isolation

up in a self-imposed state of isolation

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

An Overdeveloped Sense Of Responsibility:

ACOA’s are hypersensitive to the needs of others

Their self-esteem comes from how others view them, and thus they have a compulsive need to be perfect

An Overdeveloped Sense Of Responsibility:

ACOA’s are hypersensitive to the needs of others

Their self-esteem comes from how others view them, and thus they have a compulsive need to be perfect

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Feelings Of Guilt When They Stand Up For Themselves Instead Of Giving In To Others:

ACOA’s sacrifice their own needs in an effort to be

“responsible” and to avoid guilt

Feelings Of Guilt When They Stand Up For Themselves Instead Of Giving In To Others:

ACOA’s sacrifice their own needs in an effort to be

“responsible” and to avoid guilt

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

An Inability To Relax, Let Go, Have Fun:

Fun is stressful for ACOA’s, especially when others are watching The child inside is terrified, exercising all the control it can muster to be good enough just to

survive Under such rigid control, it’s no wonder spontaneity suffers, for spontaneity and control are incompatible

An Inability To Relax, Let Go, Have Fun:

Fun is stressful for ACOA’s, especially when others are watching The child inside is terrified, exercising all the control it can muster to be good enough just to

survive Under such rigid control, it’s no wonder spontaneity suffers, for spontaneity and control are incompatible

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Harsh, Even Fierce, Self-Criticism:

ACOA’s are burdened by a very low sense of esteem, no matter how competent they may be in many areas

self-Harsh, Even Fierce, Self-Criticism:

ACOA’s are burdened by a very low sense of esteem, no matter how competent they may be in many areas

self-Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Living In A World Of Denial:

Whenever ACOA’s feel threatened, their tendency toward denial intensifies

Living In A World Of Denial:

Whenever ACOA’s feel threatened, their tendency toward denial intensifies

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Difficulties With Intimate Relationships:

Intimacy gives ACOA’s a feeling of being out of control It requires self-love and comfort with expressing one’s own needs As a result, ACOA’s frequently have difficulty with sexuality They repeat relationship patterns without growth

Difficulties With Intimate Relationships:

Intimacy gives ACOA’s a feeling of being out of control It requires self-love and comfort with expressing one’s own needs As a result, ACOA’s frequently have difficulty with sexuality They repeat relationship patterns without growth

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

The Tendency To Assume A Black And White Perspective Under Pressure:

The gray areas of life disappear, and ACOA’s see themselves facing an endless series of either/or alternatives

The Tendency To Assume A Black And White Perspective Under Pressure:

The gray areas of life disappear, and ACOA’s see themselves facing an endless series of either/or alternatives

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

A Tendency Toward Physical Complaints:

ACOA’s suffer higher rates of stress related medical illness

A Tendency Toward Physical Complaints:

ACOA’s suffer higher rates of stress related medical illness

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

Suffering From A Backlog Of Delayed Grief:

Losses experienced during childhood were often never grieved for, since the alcoholic family does not tolerate such intensely uncomfortable feelings

Current losses cannot be felt without calling up these past feelings As a result ACOA’s are frequently

depressed

Suffering From A Backlog Of Delayed Grief:

Losses experienced during childhood were often never grieved for, since the alcoholic family does not tolerate such intensely uncomfortable feelings

Current losses cannot be felt without calling up these past feelings As a result ACOA’s are frequently

depressed

Characteristics of ACOA may include:

21 Inability To Relax, Let Go

& Have Fun

21 Inability To Relax, Let Go

& Have Fun

21 Characteristics of ACOA:

Characteristics of the Alcoholic

8 Hyper-Vigilance / Hyper-Sensitivity

9 Unspoken Rules

10 Doubting Of Perceptions

10 Doubting Of Perceptions

6 Looped Communication 11 Fear of Normal Conflict

12 Survival Roles

Family “Roles”:

Alcoholic

BehaviorAggression (abuse)

Very Emotional

Grandiose Behavior

Perfectionism

(very seldom completes

A project, then no one can criticize)

Perfectionism

(very seldom completes

A project, then no one can criticize)

What is really going on inside

Feelings

Pain Guilt/Hurt Fear/Shame

Family “Roles”:

Enabler

FragileSelf-Pity

MartyrDon’t Talk/Feel/Trust

What is really going on inside

Hurt Anger Resentment Pain/Guilt

A

Family

Purpose: Responsible

Family “Roles”:

Hero Child

Over-AchieverAll-Together Appearing

Disappointed With AnythingLess Than 1st Place of “A”

Disappointed With AnythingLess Than 1st Place of “A”

What is really going on inside

Lonely Hurt/Anger Confusion Inadequate

Purpose: Brings Pride to family

Protect Family Worth

Purpose: Brings Pride to family

Protect Family Worth

Family “Roles”:

Scapegoat

SullenDefiant

“Acting Out”

80% of people in jail are Scapegoats

High Sense of Peers

High Sense of Peers

What is really going on inside

Fear Anger Rejection Hurt

What is really going on inside

Fear Anger Rejection Hurt

A

Family

E

“Fire Breathing Dragon”

Early Chemical Use

“Fire Breathing Dragon”

Early Chemical Use

Early Pregnancy Rate

WithdrawnLow Achiever

HC

“Milk Spiller”

Purpose: Distraction

Family “Roles”:

Mascot

HumorousFun AroundClowns A lot

What is really going on inside

Confusion Fear/Insecure Loneliness Low Self Esteem

Family “Roles”:

Lost Child

WithdrawnDistantFantastic Imagination

Suicide As A Way ToGet Out Of Pain/Rage/Self,

Suicide As A Way ToGet Out Of Pain/Rage/Self,

What is really going on inside

Intense Loneliness Inadequate Anger=Rage

What is really going on inside

Intense Loneliness Inadequate Anger=Rage

A

Family

E

Quiet

Shut Out External Reality

Assumes Others KnowWhat They Need

Assumes Others KnowWhat They Need

Will Not Ask For Help

ShyInvisible

As play therapy follows a natural progression, so do symptoms of growing up with alcoholism in individual children

The chart that follows shows the progression of

symptoms and recovery as observed in working with children of alcoholics

As play therapy follows a natural progression, so do symptoms of growing up with alcoholism in individual children

The chart that follows shows the progression of

symptoms and recovery as observed in working with children of alcoholics

Young Children of Alcoholics:

Young Children of Alcoholics:

Start

Young Children of Alcoholics:

Child begins to react to family with distinct roles

Child begins to react to family with distinct roles

Sense of being trapped in family

Doesn’t talk about it

Doesn’t talk about it Tries drinking

High tolerance for unacceptable behavior builds

High tolerance for unacceptable behavior builds

Need drinking parent to maintain place in family

Need drinking parent to maintain place in family

Fears Abandonment Ongoing guilt: Can’t set boundariesChildhood depression begins Ongoing fear of violence

Doesn’t invite friends over Stays away from home

Cont

Young Children of Alcoholics:

Illness, allergies increase

Ongoing confusion

Is the rule

Ongoing confusion

Is the rule Problems or extreme over-achievement occur at schoolProblems or extreme over-achievement occur at school

Role changes with

Emotional disturbances manifest

Suicidal fantasies Death wishes for parents

Child reaches out for help, creates crises, or is intervened upon by Social Service Agency

Young Children of Alcoholics:

Doesn’t trust Crises lessen Talks some in safe situationsLearns alcoholism is disease Shows resentment at parents and disease

Gives up some of the rigid

role mechanisms

Gives up some of the rigid

role mechanisms

Tries trust, talking in family

Negative emotions lessen as self-expression increases

Negative emotions lessen as self-expression increases

Feelings expressed (more appropriately)

Feelings expressed (more appropriately)

Illnesses lessen greatly

Illnesses lessen greatly Realizes “perfect familywill not happen Realizes “perfect familywill not happen

Able to focus on self, school, peers

The recovery process dissipates the cloud The symptomolgy above has been compiled from our personal experience and the experience of other experts in the

field.

lying/stealing, lack of spontaneity.

Feeling over responsible, helpless, identifies family

as different, becoming more withdrawn/acting out, learning disabilities, special education, low self- esteem, seeks inferior peer group-drug/alcohol use, shutting down feelings, procrastination, manipulation, distorted sense of power, fights, school truancy, drop out.

judges self without mercy, relationship problems, approval seeking then rejecting it.

Comes in contact with ACA Therapy and begins recovery

Discovers ACA self-help groups and is further relieved, but needs more Feels some intellectual relieve but still stuck Tries different kinds of therapy Reads self-help books Becomes willing to get help Defense system starts

to break down.

withdraw Begins breaking out of denial.

Spontaneity returns Accepts rights to assert self Trust level increases Begins to learn what normal is and what are realistic expectations.