Dazed and Confused - Common Usage Dilemmas

Dazed and Confused: Common Usage Dilemmas In This Chapter • Dangle participles • Misplace modifiers • Mix metaphors • Split infinitives • Resolve other perplexing grammar issues Once u

Dazed and Confused:

Common Usage Dilemmas

In This Chapter

• Dangle participles

• Misplace modifiers

• Mix metaphors

• Split infinitives

• Resolve other perplexing grammar issues

Once upon a time, when writing styles were more formal than they are now, some people were very careful never to end a sentence with a prepo-sition Even then, however, there were stylistic mavericks who let their prepositions fall with abandon Winston Churchill was one of these people His secretary, appalled, always revised the drafts of Churchill's speeches to avoid ending sentences with a preposition Exasperated, Churchill finally sent this message to his secretary: "This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."

1 2 6 P a r t Z : Under the Grammar Hammer

In this chapter, you learn whether you should or shouldn't follow Churchill's lead and conclude a sentence with a preposition You also find information on other sticky gram-mar issues, including dangling participles and misplaced modifiers In addition, I bring you up to speed on the latest grammar "rulings" concerning splitting infinitives, using

hopefully, and choosing between like or as

Dangling Modifiers: Counterintelligence

What's wrong with the following sentence?

Coming up the hall, the clock struck 10

As written, the sentence states that the clock was coming up the hall An ambulatory clock is possible, but neither highly likely nor terribly desirable This misunderstand-ing about the clock's power of locomotion occurs because the phrase "commisunderstand-ing up the hall" has nothing to modify or describe A phrase left twisting in the wind like this is

called a dangling modifier

Remember that a modifier is a word or phrase that

gives more information about the subject, verb, or

object in a clause A modifier is said to "dangle" when

the word it modifies is not actually in the sentence

"Coming up the hall" is a dangling modifier because

it cannot be attached to any word in the sentence Dangling modifiers confuse your readers and obscure your meaning These errors don't jump out

at you like a spelling blooper or a shark attack; rather, they sneak up on you like April 15 or middle age And they can be just as deadly

You Could Look It Up

A dangling modifier is

a word or phrase that describes

something that has been left out

of the sentence A clause is a

group of words with its own

sub-ject and verb See Chapter 1 2

for a detailed description of

clauses

Help Is on the Way

Because the basic problem with a dangling modifier is a lack of connection, you must provide a noun or pronoun to which the dangling construction can be attached There are two basic ways to do this:

1 Rewrite the modifier as a subordinate clause

Dangling: Confirming our conversation, the shipment will be ordered on Monday

(According to this sentence, the shipment—not the speaker—confirmed the conversation.)

Correct: As I stated in the memo, the shipment will be ordered on Monday

2 Rewrite the main clause so the subject or object can be modified by the now-dangling phrase

Dangling: Confirming our conversation, the shipment will be ordered on Monday Correct: Confirming our conversation, I have arranged for the shipment to be

ordered on Monday

Man the Battle Stations

Time to play, so let's have some fun Correct each of these dangling constructions by rewriting the modifier as a subordinate clause or rewriting the main clause so the sub-ject or obsub-ject can be modified by the now-dangling phrase

1 Do not sit in the chair without being fully assembled

2 Locked in a vault for 50 years, the owner of the coins decided to sell them

3 Important facts might be revealed when leaving

4 Making startling new discoveries in science, the Renaissance was a time of rebirth

5 While driving down the highway, a bad collision was seen

6 While eating dinner, a fly slipped into her soup

7 The tomb of the Egyptian pharaoh commanded attention coming into the exhibit

8 Sailing up the river, the Statue of Liberty was seen

1 2 8 P a r t Z : Under the Grammar Hammer

Answers

Possible responses:

1 You should not sit in the chair unless it is fully assembled

2 The owner decided to sell his coins, which had been locked in a vault for 50 years

3 You might reveal important facts when you leave

4 The Renaissance was a time of rebirth when people made startling new discov-eries in science

5 While we were driving down the highway, we saw a bad collision

6 While Cécile was eating dinner, a fly slipped into her soup

7 The tomb of the Egyptian pharaoh commanded our attention as we came into the exhibit

8 As we sailed up the river, we saw the Statue of Liberty

Misplaced Modifiers: Lost and Found

You can lose your car keys, your temper, and even your head—but please, don't mis-place your modifiers It's as tacky as a pork chop at a bar mitzvah

A misplaced modifier is just that: a phrase, clause, or word placed too far from the noun

or pronoun it describes As a result, the sentence fails to convey your exact meaning But misplaced modifiers usually carry a double wallop: They often create confusion or imply something unintentionally funny This is not a good thing when you want to make a competent impression with your writing Here's an example of a misplaced modifier:

They bought a puppy for my sister they call Fido

modifies

As this sentence is written, it means that the sister, not

You Could Look It UD t^i e PuPPy' *s n a m ed Fido That's because the

modi-""' fier "they call Fido" is in the wrong place in the

sen-tence To correct a misplaced modifier, move the

modifier as close as possible to the word or phrase it

is describing Here's how the sentence should read:

They bought a puppy they call Fido for my sister

A misplaced modifier is

a phrase, clause, or word placed

too far from the word or words it

It Says What?

Study this chart to see how a misplaced modifier can distort a writer's meaning Then see how I moved the modifier so the sentence makes sense

Sentence #1: The patient was referred to a psychologist with several emotional problems What the writer thinks it says: The patient has emotional problems

What the sentence really says: The psychologist has emotional problems

Correction: The patient with several emotional problems was referred to a psychologist Sentence #2: Sam found a letter in the mailbox that doesn't belong to her

What the writer thinks it says: Sam found a letter that doesn't belong to her

What the sentence really says: The mailbox doesn't belong to Sam

Connection: Sam found a letter that doesn't belong to her in the mailbox

Sentence #3: Two cars were reported stolen by the Farmingdale police yesterday

What the writer thinks it says: The Farmingdale police reported two stolen cars

What the sentence really says: The police stole the two cars

Correction: Yesterday, the Farmingdale police reported that two cars were stolen

Sentence #4: Please take time to look over the brochure that is enclosed with your family What the writer thinks it says: Look over the brochure with your family

What the sentence really says: The brochure is enclosed with your family

Correction: Please take time to look over the enclosed brochure with your family

Sentence #5: Luis had driven over with his wife, Chris, from their home in a Chevy for

the basketball game

What the writer thinks it says: Luis and Chris JÉI11& / » nj ~ , ,

A - a , • /-u * u, JHSHkV J Quoth the Maven

drove in their Chevy to the game m Ç j r "

^mVjT^ To avoid these embarrassing

What the sentence really says: Luis and Chris ^ V s e n t e n œ e r r o f S ( p | Q œ Q m o d j f j e r

live in a Chevy

Collection: Luis had driven over in a Chevy

with his wife, Chris, from their home for the

basketball game

as close as possible to the word

it modifies or describes And do something about that tie, please

B O Part 2 : Under the Grammar Hammer

Quiz Show

It's show time! To see if you've got the hang of writing sentences with correctly placed modifiers, rewrite each of the following bollixed-up sentences

1 The writer read from his new book wearing glasses

2 You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday

3 As we begin, I must ask you to banish all information about the case from your mind, if you have any

4 A superb and inexpensive restaurant; fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms

5 Many of the trustees congratulated him for his speech at the end of the meeting and promised their support

6 For sale: An antique desk suitable for a lady with thick legs and large drawers

7 For sale: Several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition

8 Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink

9 For sale: Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with a round bottom for efficient beating

10 We almost made a profit of $10

Answers

Did you get these nice clear revisions?

1 Wearing glasses, the writer read from his new book (Or: The writer, wearing glasses, read from his new book.)

2 Daily, except Thursday, you are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous

Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried

3 As we begin, I must ask you to banish any information about the case from your mind

4 A superb and inexpensive restaurant; fine food in appetizing forms is served

expertly by waitresses

5 At the end of the meeting, many of the trustees congratulated him for his speech and promised their support

6 For sale: An antique desk with thick legs and large drawers suitable for a lady

7 For sale: Several very old dresses in beautiful condition from grandmother

8 Wanted: Man that does not smoke or drink to take care of cow

9 For sale: Mixing bowl set with round bottoms for efficient beating designed to please a cook

10 We made a profit of almost ten dollars

Mixed Metaphors: A Dollar Late and a Day Short

Figures of speech use words for more than their literal meaning There are a number

of different kinds of figures of speech, including hyperbole, understatement, personification,

analogies, similes, and metaphors Today, class,

our focus is on the metaphor

A metaphor is a figure of speech that

com-pares two unlike things The more familiar

thing helps describe the less familiar one

Unlike their first cousins, similes, metaphors

do not use the words like or as to make the

comparison "My heart is a singing bird" is

an example of a metaphor

You Could Look It Up

A metaphor is a figure

of speech that compares two unlike things The more familiar thing helps describe the less familiar one

1 3 2 P a r t 2 : Under the Grammar Hammer

As you can tell from the preceding definition, metaphors are innocent creatures that never did harm to anyone That being the case, how can we explain this abomination:

"I don't want to say they lost sight of the big picture, but they have marched to a different drummer," Victor Fortuno, the general counsel of Legal Services Corporation, said of the individual lawyer's challenges "Whether it will upset the apple cart, I don't know."

Like the title of this section, this passage is a mixed

metaphor, a combination of images that do not work

well together It's like that old joke: "Keep your eye

on the ball, your ear to the ground, your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel: Now try to work in that position." Here are some other mixed metaphors:

• Milking the temp workers for all they were worth, the manager barked orders at them (The first image suggests cows; the second, dogs That's one animal too many.)

• Unless we tighten our belts, we'll sink like a stone

You Could Look It Up _,

A mixed metaphor is a

combination of images that do

not work well together

Strictly Speaking

Mixed metaphors occur when

writers string together clichés

Don't string together clichés and

you won't get mixed metaphors

More on this in Chapter 2 4

(Belts and a stone? I think not.)

• The fallback was a bulldozer, running up and down the field like an angel (Only Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee; this football bulldozer can't move like an angel.)

• The movie weaves a story that herds characters and readers into the same camp (Let's not mix spiderwebs and cattle roundups.)

Like all comparisons, metaphors must contain elements that can be compared logically— even if not explicitly The comparison must be consistent as well Like my sister zoom-ing to the sweaters at a department store super sale, stay focused on a szoom-ingle element when you create metaphors Otherwise, you risk creating the dreaded mixed metaphor Don't mix your drinks or your metaphors and you'll go far

Here are two more suggestions to help you keep your metaphors straight:

• Use only a single metaphor per paragraph

• Make sure the verb matches the action the subject of the metaphor might take (For example: a bulldozer driving up the field.)

Split Infinitives: To Boldly Go Where Everyone

Else Goes

As their motto proves, the crew of the USS Enterprise split their infinitives along with

their atoms The motto should read: "To Go Boldly " They're not alone You were

introduced to split infinitives in Chapter 2 Remember that a split infinitive occurs

when an adverb or adverbial phrase is placed between to and the verb

People who feel strongly about their split

infinitives really feel strongly about their split

infinitives A famous New Yorker cartoon

shows Captain Bligh sailing away from the

Bounty in a rowboat and shouting, "So Mr

Christian! You propose to unceremoniously cast

me adrift?" The caption beneath the cartoon

reads: "The crew can no longer tolerate

Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

Even though some people get their pencils bent out of shape over this matter, there is

no authoritative grammar and usage text that expressly forbids it Famous writers have been splitting their infinitives with abandon for centuries George Bernard Shaw, the

brilliant Irish playwright, once sent this letter to the Times of London: "There is a

busybody on your staff who devotes a lot of time to chasing split infinitives: I call for the immediate dismissal of this pedant It is of no consequence whether he decides to

go quickly or to quickly go or quickly to go The important thing is that he should go

You Could Look It Up

A split infinitive occurs

when an adverb or adverbial phrase is placed between to and the verb

at once

What should you do? While I do not

advo-cate that you go around town splitting

in-finitives with abandon, there's no point in

mangling a sentence just to avoid a split

infinitive Good writers occasionally split

infinitives to create emphasis, achieve a

natural word order, and avoid confusion

If splitting an infinitive makes it possible for

you to achieve the precise shade of meaning

you desire, you have my blessing to split away

Take My Word for It

The twentieth-century writer and cartoonist James Thurber had this to say to the editor who rearranged his infinitive:

"When I split an infinitive, it is going to damn well stay split!"

| } 1 | P a r t 2 : Under the Grammar Hammer

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Fortunately for me as the grammar maven, English grammar and usage has many confusing issues And fortunately for you, only a handful of them come up with any

frequency Let's take a look at these hot issues in the grammar news: how to use

hope-fully, whether to use like or as, and ending sentences with a preposition

Hopefully

Since the eighteenth century, hopefully has been used to mean "in a hopeful manner,"

as in Robert Louis Stevenson's saying, "To travel hopefully is better than to arrive." But during the past generation, the adverb has come to mean "it is to be hoped." Today, it is also applied to situations as well as to people, as in "His fried eel will hopefully turn out well." In addition, rather than modifying (describing) a specific

verb, as in Stevenson's example, hopefully is now used to modify an entire sentence

Except for a few lone holdouts (and if you're one of them, please don't contact me),

most people and dictionaries now accept hopefully as meaning "it is to be hoped." So

don't sweat this one

Like/As

The like/as debate is another potential minefield About 50 years ago, a cigarette

com-pany started a new ad campaign whose centerpiece was this jingle: "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should." When English teachers, grammarians, and various pun-dits reacted with horror at the misuse of "like" for "as," the company came back with this rejoinder: "What do you want—good grammar or good taste?" Thanks to all the free publicity Winston received, the marketing executives no doubt laughed all the way to the bank

Here's the generally accepted like/as rule:

1 Use like or as as a preposition to join a noun, as in these examples:

• Cleans like a blizzard

• Blind as a bat

2 Do not use like as a conjunction to introduce an adverb clause, as in this example:

Incorrect: Nobody can do it like McDonald's can

Correct: Nobody can do it as McDonald's can