Fred kofman on managing conflict

Fred KofmanON MANAGING CONFLICT... THE RIGHT TOOLS THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND... The wrong frame of mind: I want to win, and I want you to lose.But there’s no such thing as “winning” a fig

Fred Kofman

ON MANAGING CONFLICT

But it doesn’t have to be difficult if we approach it with

Most of us are uncomfortable having conversations around conflict

THE RIGHT TOOLS THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND

The wrong frame of mind: I want to win, and I want you to lose.

But there’s no such thing as

“winning” a fight in a relationship

The moment you’re fighting,

you’ve already lost.

Instead, look at conflict as coming together to solve a problem.

This framing dissolves

90% of the animosity.

Almost any conflict conversation can be resolved

if you pursue these 4 goals:

Listen and

understand what the

other person thinks

and feels.

Explain your own thoughts, so the other person understands where

you’re coming from.

Discuss if there’s a way

to come together with

mutual benefit.

Once you agree on something, make commitments and

get it done.

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How you listen in a conflict conversation is key Follow these steps:

BE QUIET

Listen quietly without interrupting and pay attention

ENCOURAGE THEM

Nod, smile, and follow along as you listen

CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING

Summarize what you heard in 1 or 2 short phrases, and ask if you got it right

VALIDATE THEIR REASONING

Acknowledge that you now understand their point of view

HOW YOU SPEAK ALSO AFFECTS YOUR CONFLICT

Begin with an “I”

statement to show

it’s your opinion that

you’re sharing

BEGIN WITH I

Explain your reasoning, or why you believe it

Explain

Propose your idea

or solution

Propose

Ask what they think

about it

ASK

Conflicts may require some negotiation Try this:

Negotiate for what really matters to you, rather than around a “position.”

Good negotiators find ways to give the

other person what they really want—

without necessarily giving them what

they originally asked for.

The most important part of negotiation happens before you begin

Prepare for possible outcomes with “BATNA”:

EST LTERNATIVE

O A EGOTIATED GREEMENT

B A T N A

Ask yourself what’s the best you can do without the cooperation of the other

Agreements without commitment are worthless.

So make a commitment

Discuss who’s

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ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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