The complete idiot guide part 31 pot

2 8 4 Part 3 : Style: All the Write Stuff Take My Word for It Due to state laws, some companies require that documents such as consumer con-tracts and warranties meet a specific readabi

Chapter 21: Stylish Sentences 2 8 3

Use Vivid Verbs

Use verbs rather than nouns to communicate your ideas This makes your writing

more forceful and less wordy For example, replace forms of to be with action verbs, as

the following example shows:

Weak: In 1850, 21-year-old Levi Strauss

went from New York to San Francisco

Vivid: In 1850, 21-year-old Levi Strauss

traveled from New York to San

Fran-cisco

Weak: The shrieking Arctic gales sent

needles of ice into their faces

Vivid: The shrieking Arctic gales shot

needles of ice into their faces

Danger, Will Robinson

Place the adjectives, adverbs, phrases, and clauses according to the emphasis you want to achieve in each sen-tence Remember that misplaced modifiers spell trouble, so be sure

to place them as close as possi-ble to the words they describe

Invert Word Order

Most English sentences follow the subject-verb-direct object pattern, so varying this pattern automatically creates emphasis and interest To create stylistic variety, occa-sionally place the verb before the subject, as these examples show:

Subject-verb order: The CEO walked in The manager walked out

Inverted order: In walked the CEO Out walked the manager

Play with Pronouns

Use the pronoun you to engage your readers The second-person pronoun you (rather than the third-person he, she, one) gives your writing more impact because it directly

addresses the reader, as this example shows:

Weak: Contributions to the employee's account will automatically be reinvested unless

the employee has completed form 21 -A

Better: Contributions to your account will automatically be reinvested unless you have

completed form 21 -A

2 8 4 Part 3 : Style: All the Write Stuff

Take My Word for It

Due to state laws, some companies require that documents such as consumer con-tracts and warranties meet a specific readability score that determines how easy or difficult they are to read Such readability scores on the Frye, Gunning Fog Index, and Flesch Reading Ease Scale are calculated on the basis of word and sentence length But using shorter words and sentences will not necessarily make a document easier to understand, especially if the words are technical in nature

Quoth the Maven _

As you draft your message,

use special care to avoid phrases

that could seem hostile, rude,

un-caring, or arrogant Strike them

from your style

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

What happens if your supervisor likes an ornate, flowery style with big words and windy sentences? Or take a less extreme case: What if your company prefers writing

in the passive voice to the active voice? If this is the case, you have several choices:

1 Write clearly and logically, based on what you learned in this chapter Seeing effective writing may change your supervisor's mind

2 Confer with your supervisor about changing writing styles People might be using weaker writing models because they don't have anything better to use

3 Recognize that writing style serves to unify a company as well as communicate ideas Even if the style isn't as strong and effective as clear writing, it may bring people together in a cor-porate culture

Punctuation and Style: Little Things Matter a Lot

Your choice of punctuation also has a critical influence on your writing style because

it determines the degree of linkage between sentences Further, it suggests whether sentence elements are coordinating or subordinating Here are some guidelines:

• Remember that a period shows a full separation between ideas

• A comma and a coordinating conjunction show the following relationships: addition, choice, consequence, contrast, or cause

• A semicolon shows that the second sentence completes the content of the first sentence The semicolon suggests a link but leaves it to the reader to make the connection

Chapter Z l : Stylish Sentences 2 8 5

• A semicolon and a conjunctive adverb (a word such as nevertheless, however, etc.)

shows the relationship between ideas: addition, consequence, contrast, cause and effect, time, emphasis, or addition

• Using a period between sentences forces a pause and then stresses the conjunc-tive adverb

Take My Word for It

So far, I've concentrated on the content of your writing, but the form also matters To

make your writing easier to read, break it into chunks of manageable length That's the principle behind dividing telephone numbers into groups (21 2-555-21 38 versus

2 1 2 5 5 5 2 1 38) When you have a lot of facts, consider arranging them in a list, table, or chart Use color to set off charts, graphs, or other visuals

Try it yourself Add punctuation to the following passage First, make sure it's correct; then, make sure it's interesting—given your audience and purpose!

It stretches snaps and shatters when hit with a heavy object If you press a blob

of it against a comic book or newspaper it picks up the image even the colors It can be used to build strength in a person's hands and remove lint from clothing It's out of this world literally because astronauts use it to hold tools to space cap-sule surfaces during the weightlessness of space travel What is it

That's the question James Wright asked himself in the early 1940s when he cre-ated the odd stuff As an engineer for General Electric Wright had been trying

to develop a rubber substitute to do his part to help the Allies during World War I However instead of rubber he created a blob of sticky stuff that bounced when he dropped it It had no use but everyone liked to play with it

In 1949 Peter Hodgson named it "Silly Putty" and featured it in a toy store cat-alog Silly Putty was an instant hit

Possible response:

It stretches, snaps, and shatters when hit with a heavy object If you press a blob

of it against a comic book or newspaper, it picks up the image—even the colors

It can be used to build strength in a person's hands and remove lint from cloth-ing It's out of this world—literally—because astronauts use it to hold tools to space capsule surfaces during the weightlessness of space travel What is it?

2 8 6 Part S: Style: All the Write Stuff

That's the question James Wright asked himself in the early 1940s when he cre-ated the odd stuff As an engineer for General Electric, Wright had been trying

to develop a rubber substitute to do his part to help the Allies during World War I However, instead of rubber, he created a blob of sticky stuff that bounced when he dropped it It had no use, but everyone liked to play with it

In 1949, Peter Hodgson named it "Silly Putty" and featured it in a toy store cat-alog Silly Putty was an instant hit

The Least You Need to Know

• Mix simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences for a more effective style Also vary sentence lengths, add questions and commands, focus

on the subject, use vivid verbs, and invert word order

• In informal writing, use the pronoun you to engage readers

• Your choice of punctuation also has a critical influence on your writing style

• Always write clearly and logically

Chapter

Conciseness: The Department

of Redundancy Department

In This Chapter

• Understand redundancy

• Simplify sentences

• Improve your writing style

In language, as in plane geometry, the shortest distance between two points

is a straight line As Thomas Jefferson once remarked, "The most valuable

of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." That's what this chapter is all about

All good writing demands a polished style Especially in business, writers impress their readers not with big words and convoluted prose, but rather with a straightforward, easy-to-read style Learn how to accomplish this right now

Slash and Burn

Redundant writing is cluttered with unnecessary words that fog your

meaning Wordy writing forces your readers to clear away unnecessary

2 8 8 Part 5: Style: All the Write Stuff

words and phrases before they can understand your message Redundancies are the

junk food of our language, filling us up on empty words

Prove it to yourself The following table is a series of redundant phrases I've culled from newspapers, mag-azines, friends, and foes Rewrite each of the follow-ing phrases to eliminate the redundancy Then give a reason for your revision The first one is done for you

You Could Look It Up

Redundancy is the

unnecessary repetition of words

and ideas

1 honest truth

2 past experience

3 past history

4 fatally killed

5 revert back

6 foreign imports

7 partial stop

8 true facts

9 free gift

10 live and breathe

11 null and void

12 most unique

13 cease and desist

14 soup du jour of the day

15 at 8 A.M in the morning

16 sum total and end results

17 living survivors

18 proceed ahead

19 successfully escaped

definition

C h a p t e r Z Z : Conciseness: The Department of Redundancy Department Z 8 9

20 minus eight degrees

below zero

2 1 forward progress

22 set a new record

23 kills bugs dead

24 at this point in time

Answers

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

1 1

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

honest truth

past experience

past history

fatally killed

revert back

foreign imports

partial stop

true facts

free gift

live and breathe

null and void

most unique

cease and desist

soup du jour of the day

at 8 A.M in the morning

sum total and end results

leaving no living survivors

proceed ahead

truth experience history killed revert imports stop facts gift live null (or void) unique

cease (or desist) soup du jour

at 8 A.M

total (or results) leaving no survivors proceed

truth is honest all experience is past

all history is past fatal = dead revert = go back

we have domestic imports?

stop = stop

facts are true gifts are free

if you live, you breathe null = void

unique can't be modified;

it is the most cease = desist

du jour = of the day A.M = morning sum total = end results

survivors are alive you can't proceed back

continues

2 9 0 Part 5: Style: All the Write Stuff

continued

Redundancy

19 successfully escaped

20 minus eight degrees

below zero

2 1 forward progress

2 2 set a new record

2 3 kills bugs dead

24 at this point in time

Repair

escaped minus 8 degrees

progress set a record

kills bugs now

Reason

you can't escape unsuccessfully

minus = below zero

all progress is forward all records are new when they are set

kills = dead wordy phrase

Thrift, Thrift, Thrift

When you sit down to write, you might get carried away by the sound of your own words Even though you know you've packed in some unnecessary verbiage, each word is near and dear to your heart, like your cracked Little League catcher's mitt

from '67 or the designer shoes you got on sale that never fit and never will

Take My Word for It

Redundancy comes from the

Latin word undore ("to

over-flow") and re ("back") Because

redundancy literally means "to

overflow again and again,"

the word itself is redundant!

You want to save every one of your words; after all,

they are your words "Cut that phrase?" you howl

"I can't bear to part with such a beautiful (graceful, important, dazzling) phrase." Yes, you can; trust me And your writing will be the better for it An effec-tive writing style shows an economy of language From now on, here's your mantra:

• Write simply and directly

• Omit unnecessary details or ideas that you have already stated

• Use a lot of important detail, but no unnecessary words You want your writing

to be concise

Conciseness describes writing that is direct and to the point This is not to say that you have to pare away all description, figures of speech, and images No Rather, it is to

say that wordy writing annoys your readers because it forces them to slash their way through your sentences before they can understand what you're saying Hard and lean

C h a p t e r ï l \ Conciseness: The Department of Redundancy Department Z 9 1

sentences, like hard and lean bodies, require far more effort than flabby ones And they are so much nicer

Follow these five easy rules to create taut, effective sentences

• Eliminate unneeded words and phrases

• Revise sentences that begin with expletives

• Combine sentences that repeat information

• Don't say the same thing twice

• Make passive sentences active

Look at each of these rules in greater detail

Eliminate Unneeded Words and Phrases

Unneeded words are like annoying little

gnats that nip at your ankles during summer

picnics As a matter of fact, because these

words and phrases are like so much empty

noise, they are often called buzzwords

Buzzwords come in different parts of speech,

as the following table shows

Buzzwords

Part of Speech

Adjectives

Adverbs

Nouns

Sample Buzzwords

nice, central, major, good, excellent quite, very, basically, really, central, major field, case, situation, character, kind, scope, sort, type, thing, element, area, aspect, factor, nature, quality

Here's how they look in context:

Wordy: These types of administrative problems are really quite difficult to solve Better: Administrative problems are difficult to solve

Redundant phrases are kissing cousins to buzzwords because they also repeat infor-mation that has already been stated The following table lists 10 especially annoying examples Add them to the ones you revised at the beginning of this chapter

You Could Look It Up _^

Buzzwords are

com-monly used, extraneous phrases that aren't necessary to the mean-ing of the sentence and so should

be cut

2 9 Z Part J: Style: All the Write Stuff

Ten Redundant Phrases Revised

repeat again

red in color

extra gratuity

continue to remain

small in size

few in number

new innovation

complete stop

combine together

final end

repeat red gratuity remain small few innovation stop combine end

Then we have the big daddy of them all, really long-winded phrases These are pre-fab phrases that seem to add instant sophistication to your sentences They don't Instead, they make your writing sound pretentious and gassy

The following table lists some of these annoying redundancies and ways to revise them

Twenty Redundant Phrases Revised

at this point in time

at the present time

for the purpose of

in the event that

until such time as

in view of the fact that

because of the fact that

due to the fact that

in order to utilize

is an example of

free up some space

my personal physician

thunderstorm activity

now now for

if until because because because

to use

is make room

my doctor thunderstorm