The Do’s and Don’ts of Entering a Relationship

Valuable tips and tricks in entering a new relationship

The Do's and Don'ts of ENTERING A

RHHHINSHIP

Includes Bonus Chapter

on the Do's and Don'ts

of texting Stephen M Robinson

UK Kindle Creations

The Do’s and Don’ ts of Entering a Relationship

Stephen M Robinson

O UK Kindle Creations

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Contents

That perfect relationship

Finding that special someone

So you’ ve found that special someone? The Dos and Don’ts

We`ˆve all dreamt of 1t at some point or anofher Meeting that perfect person and falling in-love then spending the rest of your lives together happily ever after OK you can wake up now I’m not saying it can’t happen, but if it’s as smooth as that then someone needs to tell me the secret No relationship forms and lasts without its fair share

of hurdles, and often these hurdles can make the relationship stronger But sometimes it can blow the whole thing apart and ruin that amazing dream you once had That’s why it’s important to get things off to a good start from the word go

The perfect relationship would consist of 100% trust, amazing communication and openness, the desire to push each other to the limits in all aspects

of each other’s lives and to support each other

through anything that life throws at you This can happen It just takes the right start

Pll be getting a bit controversial in some parts of the book, so prepare yourself for that But let’s face it relationships are a spicy topic and for many people finding a good relationship is a huge, yet important challenge so they need to be told If you keep doing what you’ re doing, you'll keep getting what you’ re getting right?

Unfortunately there are countless factors that contribute to how every individual behaves ina relationship so the perfect relationship would be pretty close to a miracle if | ever saw one But don’t give up, relationships can be amazing

Ok this section isn’t going to be long, firstly

because it’s not always the best idea to be

searching to find a special someone and secondly the actual dating process is a whole different book But what I would like to say is that there’s no harm

in being picky Knowing what you want is one of the most important things to entering a successful relationship, or any other venture you face in life It’s knowing what you want that keeps you striving

to achieve your best and not settling for second best If you want someone rich, someone with black hair, someone who makes you laugh then don’t stop until you have that Fortunately love doesn’t tend to happen when someone meets a certain criteria that we set, it usually happens when someone fills us with positive emotions and we become addicted to that feeling Be picky, but

don’t be logical Logic has no place in actual romance and never will do You hear countless love stories where the poor, ugly nice guy

eventually gets the girl, or the girl who’s just looking for a sensible man keeps falling in love with the bad boys This is because our emotions over-ride any logical thoughts we have when it comes to falling for someone

Another reason I don’t advise searching for that special someone is because coming from the mentality that you want to find love puts you ina vulnerable place You will be more likely to let your guard down when you meet someone who could potentially be someone you like, and you will let yourself fall for someone that normally you wouldn’t fall for Let’s look at a ‘hypothetical’ scenario There are two boys that have grown up together (could just as well be girls) and they have been friends all their lives They grew up playing together on the street, riding their bicycles and pulling pranks on other kids As they start to get older they start to feel attraction for other people

and start to act on this Now one boy falls in love with the first girl that he has any romantic

connection with He has that ideal teenage

relationship that you see in the movies, and it ends

up lasting the rest of his life This is great, and extremely romantic Let’s see what happened to his friend His friend ended up getting into a few romantic connections with various girls He

decided that whilst he is young he doesn’t want a committed relationship in case it holds him back in life before he achieves all of his goals OK this isn’t really very romantic, and a few readers will

be thinking “playaaa” but that’s not quite the picture I’m trying to paint Let’s say he hasn’t had any one night stands, he takes his time to get to know girls and he’s very honest about not wanting relationships with them Then whilst he is living his life, meeting girls and having fun he finds himself extremely confused There’s a girl he’s seeing that has really captured his heart He just can’t stop thinking about her and she’s exactly what he would want if he wanted to settle down

with someone He knows this because he has experienced many romantic connections with various girls so he knows the things he likes ina girl and the things he doesn’t like

Anyway he pushes these feelings into the back of his mind because he still feels that he’s young and doesn’t want a relationship But the feelings

persist He keeps seeing the girl and starts to become overwhelmed by the feelings he has for her He still feels like he doesn’t want a

relationship but the feelings he has are so strong that he’s starting to change his mind Eventually the feelings become that strong that they change what

he has believed all of his life, and he decides to enter a committed relationship with this girl

because she is exactly what he wants ina girl and the feelings he has for her are so intense

Now III let you be the judge of which path was more romantic, but which path do you think will lead to the more stable, secure relationship?

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Right, here I’m going to assume that you’ve found someone you genuinely really like, are attracted to and starting a romantic relationship with This isn’t for someone who’s found that person and wants to learn the secrets to attracting them, like I said that’s for another book

There are certain do’s and don’ts that can make or break a relationship that many people just don’t realise The repercussions of actions and words in the early stages of a relationship can manifest themselves in a relationship for as long as it lasts; which can lead to some very unhappy couples ’'m going to write this so it applies for both females and males as much as possible, but where things are different for each I will separate them and

write a part for females and a part for males

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When you'r re ina new relationship, it can kind of take over your life You don’t stop thinking about them all the time, and you have those butterflies in your stomach whenever something reminds you of them This is great, and a good sign that things are going well for you

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It’s a little bit like where you were a kid at

Christmas and you got that one toy that was so much better than all your other presents You just wanted to play with that toy and that toy only, forgetting you even had any other presents especially that jumper that was 2 sizes too big that your grandma got you! Well do you also remember how quickly you got bored of that toy because you didn’t play with anything else? Well it’s time to grow up

You need to pace your relationship as best you can You might want to see your new partner every minute of the day, and chances are they feel the same But you can’t do this because it will ruin the fun, excitement and mystery Those early days when you're still learning new things about each other won’t last forever, but if they’re over to quickly then things could become stale fast As bad

as it sounds, you don’t want to give too much away too quickly Now I am all for being 100% honest and open ina relationship, I would advise no other way But in those very early stages I do believe that keeping some of yourself locked away for later isn’t always a bad idea

Mystery is attractive, exciting and key to building that passion and desire that a relationship needs If you ever hear a new partner say something along the lines of “you’re just so mysterious” then you’ re doing it right!

2 DO keep spending time with your friends — | don’ t want to dwell on n this because there are SO

many relationship books that talk for hours about how important it is to spend time with your friends Yeah, great but what about when I’m with my partner? What do I do then? The reason it’s

important is firstly because like in number 1, you can’t see each other all the time But secondly it’s because your friends are just as important, and

don’t work out so show them some respect Time with your friends keeps you social, and keeps your self confidence up Assuming you have good friends, they'll give you confidence in all aspects

of your life, including romance and therefore improve your relationship You also want to make sure your relationship with your friends is good, because there will come a time when they are going to meet your new partner and you want them

to be willing to make an effort with your partner This will make your partner feel more comfortable around your friends and this will ease any tension that had a potential to arise

You'll also want to make sure that when the time comes, you make a lot of effort to be polite and friendly towards your partner’s friends and family The amount of uncomfortable situations that can come of their friends or family not liking you is unlimited so be nice!

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3, UXO make time for me — Ok so we’ve discussed not seeing each other al the time and making sure you spend time with your friends, and now I’m telling you to spend time alone too? So do you get

to spend ANY time with your new partner?? Well

of course, I’m just getting these out of the way now because they are often overlooked

Me time is something that isn’t always talked much about in relationship advice books, and I believe that this is asking for disaster You personal time is

so important It’s just as important as time with your new partner and time with your friends Now some readers might be thinking “well I don’t like being on my own.” This is time to change that You need to be able to enjoy your own company for others to enjoy it! Time on your own can be when you really find out who you are I’m not just talking about spending time at home on your own watching

films as to be honest I think that’s much more enjoyable when you're with a partner or with friends I’m talking about self improvement and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone

You could spend your time alone watching TV and sitting in bed, if you choose to and you genuinely enjoy doing that on your own But I’ve found that when it comes to improving relationships, if a person spends their alone time improving

themselves in different areas then they will become

a much more loveable and happy person in their relationship

Ways to improve yourself are endless If you are studying for anything, then study it and learn all you can about that topic If you aren’t currently studying for anything then find something you’ ve always been interested in and study it

If you have a hobby that you love, or that you used

to love then bring it back into your life and spend time doing it Improve the skills you already have

or learn new skills Improving yourself and

growing as a person improves every area of your life My Book “Important Lessons for True

Happiness: Live Your Life” gives you activities to

do every week to reach your goals and become the person you want to be You can find it here: http://goo.gl/wZkEt

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SO important in the modern world So important in- fact that I have a whole chapter on texting do’s and don’ts that I am going to include in this book

S Do be yourse!{— what I mean by this is do stay the w way you are as a person I believe everyone should have strong values and morals, and these can’t change just because you’ ve entered a new relationship If you don’t have any particular morals and values already, then I strongly suggest you take some time to yourself and work out what you find important in life

Values are the things that you see as the most important to you It varies in everyone Some people value material possessions very highly whereas other people might not see them as being

as important as other things It doesn’t matter what your values are, it just matters that you know what they are You need to have a passion, a drive to keep and get all things that align with your values

in your life If you value your family, you need to make sure you are close to them If you value

money, you need to make sure you’re working hard and getting the money that you want When you’ re passionate about your values you become

passionate about getting the things that you want out of life You get drive, you'll work hard for things and not only will this improve your life but

it will make you a much more attractive person to others and you your relationships will kick off to a great start

One good way to define your values is to set some goals There are hundreds of goal setting

techniques out there that are all extremely

intelligent so here are my top tips for setting goals that will help you develop a strong drive and maximise your chances of achieving them:

#1 Physically write your goals down, and put them where you can see them

The act of physically writing your goals down does a lot inside of your brain subconsciously that can trigger action a lot quicker than just keeping them inside your head It re-affirms them and then having them where you can see them means they will be on your mind a lot of the time Remember;

we become what we think

#2 Get yourself emotionally involved when you write your goals out

For every goal, you need to think why you want it What has made you decide that this is something you want? If it’s just a small goal, like passing a test, why do you want it? Will it help you in the long run? Will it make people proud? Think about whether achieving this goal would affect other people If passing a test would make someone close to you proud then that can only add to your motivation to achieve that goal If your goal is un-

out then think why you want to help them What does that person mean to you? What would it mean

to them if you achieve this? You really have to get inside of your body and feel that emotion It will create a huge sense of passion inside you to reach your goals

#3 Set 3 types of goals: Short Term, Mid Term and Long Term

Your short term goals are things you can do within around 3 months So things like wanting to be able

to run 10 Kilometres by the end the next month, or getting full marks on a test coming up If you actually make a conscious effort to think about these goals you are so much more likely to not only achieve them but do more than you wanted Going through life just doing things as they come around

is lazy, and you won’t reach your maximum

potential

Your mid-term goals are things that are going to take a bit longer to achieve Only you can set the limits on how long you will take to do something, but some things do take more time than others Mid-term goals are also slightly more permanent

or long stretching that short-term For instance you might want to go travelling This could mean saving up, then travelling for however long you

choose etc These goals will probably excite you a bit more than your short term goals, and you should use that excitement to boost your passion towards the goals

be purely for personal satisfaction and won’t have anything to do with the long-term of your life But usually people are driven by the end goal that is in the back of their mind You should always be striving to achieve your goals, whether they’re big

or small

#4 Write them again as if you’ve achieved them

Now that you’ ve written your goals out, you need

to re-write them again But when you re-write them, change them to being in the perspective that you have actually achieved them So for example;

““T want to get that expensive care before I’m 30” will be changed into “I have the expensive car I always wanted.” Although, be specific of course in your own goals Be as specific as you can actually, but try to keep your goals to one sentence

I have a co-authored with Jag Chohan called

“Successful Goal Setting: Guarantee Yourself Success.” I strongly recommend looking at this if you have never set yourself goals before, or you simply want to achieve more in life You can find

it here: http://goo.gl/UvxTs

Ok so where does this fit in to entering a new

relationship Well, it actually ties a lot of the dos and don’ts up If you have your goals set and you're passionate about them, then you will have your values You will be a more routed person so you won't change yourself You will be far more attractive (usually) to others because going for what you want in life is actually quite uncommon

as most people unconsciously fear achieving success And finally, these goals will start to take fruit with-in a relationship and will help the

relationship to move forward and become stronger

If the goals end up getting in the way of the

relationship, well then that’s a decision you need

to make Remember what we said about values? You need to know what’s more important to you, your personal goals or your relationship

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Now morals are different to values, and you will usually have developed these as you grew up and believe it or not they are quite hard to change As far as relationships are concerned, morals include your views on lying, cheating and manipulating If you don’t think these things are morally right and you would be hurt if someone did this to you, then don’t be a hypocrite and makes sure you play by the same rules This also applies if you do think it’s ok to do these things, don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for you if it ends up happening to you too

So I’d say before you carry on, it’s time to make sure you ve got your values and morals in place, wouldn’t you? And remember “People aren’t unsuccessful because they aim too high and miss, it’s because they aim too low and hit.”

6 Don't talk about your ex — Ok if you’re mature then \ you will accept that it is almost impossible

not to compare a new partner to an old one,

especially if there hasn’t been much time between the 2 (not recommended!!) Thoughts will often creep up on us about how our new partner does something differently to our old partner, and this is completely normal and I’m sure your new partner does this too But it’s how you see these thoughts, and whether you actually say them out loud that makes a difference

Now a quick step back to the first “date” for anyone who is completely new to “dating.” You should absolutely 100% NOT talk about your ex partner on your first date Nope, shh, stop don’t

do it! You are there to get to know each other, not someone you're not even with anymore If you want to talk about your ex so much that you can’t

help it, then I don’t think you’re quite ready to be dating just yet Some would argue that if the topic was to come up, or even if the person on the date was to ask you about your ex that this means it’s ok

to talk about them Well personally, I would

say NO! Just don’t do it Change the subject, make a joke out of it and say “I’m not here to talk about my ex, I want to talk about you.” Let’s face

it, if the conversation is getting so desperate that your date asks you about your ex, it’s probably not going to work out

OK back to entering a new relationship Talking about your ex all the time is probably going to make your new partner insecure Imagine if they were saying how often they used to go to this place together, or how much they loved it when their ex did this You’re not going to want to go where ever that was and you’re not going to want to do

whatever it was they did So when you can, just don’t talk about it This is where I would differ from the date situation though Sometimes people

have their own insecurities and when it’s your partner it’s your duty to help them feel more secure

if the opportunity comes along Sometimes these insecurities will present themselves in the form of asking questions about your ex’s This is often because they feel like maybe they’re not good enough compared to your ex, or that you don’t love/like them as much as you did your ex Well it’s important here that you do talk about your ex, but in the right way You need to be considerate of your new partner In no way should you lie, at all But if you are fully over your ex partner then you should be able to talk about them and play things down without feeling bad about it And remember, you most certainly should be fully over your ex partner if you’re entering a new relationship If your new partner asks about something you and your ex used to do and it just so happens that yes you did absolutely love doing that together, it doesn’t mean you have to tell them that Just play it down, casually say “yeah it was fun; that was a long time ago” or something along those lines

Don’t get too attached to the conversation because let’s face it, you shouldn’t be.

7 Go fet them know your boundaries — Let me get this out in the open straight away, ‘this includes in the bedroom as well as in your general

relationship Ill talk about general things first and then get to the naughty stuff

So everyone has their own boundaries, their limits

as to what takes them from being comfortable to uncomfortable And it’s important in a relationship

to express this right from the start

Public displays of affection: This varies from person to person and couple to couple but it’s very important that you get this kind of thing out of the way before you find yourself in a very

embarrassing situation Not being open about this could land you in two opposite ends of an

embarrassing situation On one hand, you could find your new partner to be extremely comfortable

with public displays of affection and you quite simply are not So you'll get embarrassed when they start playing tonsil tennis with you in-front of everyone eating in the same pizza place as you and you have to ruin the mood by pushing them away Switching to the other hand, you couldn’t care less about wrapping your arms around your new partner in-front of everyone but it turns out they hate it and push you away You're going to feel pretty foolish after that So just talk about it Downright ask them whether they are comfortable with or, tell them if you're not This will save any embarrassment and awkward moments that could completely ruin the mood in your relationship

On a quick side note, it’s possible that if one partner doesn’t like public displays of affection that the other will think this is because they don’t want to be seen with them That’s why getting this out of the way before it actually happens could prevent a serious argument

Flirting Right now this is a tough one Flirting

can mean all kinds of things, and some people will consider things to be flirting that others wouldn't This is another thing that really depends on the individual As long as you know what you’re comfortable with, then you should be able to sort this out before any arguments come along There are all sorts of different kinds of flirting; flirting to get your own way, flirting to get some attention, flirting because you fancy someone First of all let’s think about what you’ re going to allow

yourself to do in terms of flirting now that you’ re entering a committed relationship You might believe that a bit of harmless flirting is fine as long

as there are no intentions behind it, you might think flirting to get something like a free drink at a bar is fine It’s entirely up to you but you should have a think about what you think is acceptable for you to

do That way, if your new partner doesn’t like it, you have the choice whether to stick to your values and tell them if you can’t accept that this is how I

am without getting insecure then this isn’t going to work or you can change your ways to suite your

partner your call

Now let’s look at what you’re going to accept as

ok for how your partner flirts with other people This will often come down to how secure you are

in yourself, but remember if you think it’s ok to do something, but you don’t think it’s ok when your partner does it, you need to re-think your values If you can work out how far or how much flirting would be acceptable for your partner to do, then you can express this to them before it actually happens and they can decide whether they accept this as fair or not If they do, then there will be no problems as they will know their boundaries, but if they don’t accept it then this is where they will have the choice to change or to stick to how they are and put the relationship at risk Getting these things out in the open early on in the relationship means that there are more opportunities to go your separate ways quickly, but in the long run this is far better than staying with someone who you’re not going to get along with

You will come across all kinds of boundaries that you may not have even realised you had before you entered this new relationship But the important thing to take away is that you should be open and honest about them as soon as you can.