Made-up Words

Made-up Words 215 People are always making up words.. Usually the idea is to transform a noun or an adjective into a verb, say, for example, by turning the adjective “final” into the ers

Made-up Words

215

People are always making up words Usually the idea is to transform a noun or an adjective into a verb, say, for example,

by turning the adjective “final” into the ersatz verb “finalize.” And standards often evolve over time to accommodate these changes as the new words fall into widespread usage But not all of these creations become acceptable, and those that do tend to take a long while—sometimes centuries—to get there The thing you want to avoid is being ahead of the trend because instead of being perceived as a language maverick, you’re more likely to be thought of as unrefined or pretentious The following errors are the most common when dealing with made-up words

135 Irregardless

Don’t Say: We’ll have the meeting irregardless of whether Stuart can attend

Say Instead: We’ll have the meeting regardless of whether Stuart can attend

Here’s Why: “Irregardless” is not a word Somewhere along the line, somebody who didn’t understand what “regardless”

meant thought that the negative prefix “ir-” would make the word mean “without regard,” the way you’d turn “relevant” into “irrelevant.” But “regardless” already means “without regard”—that’s the whole reason that “-less” suffix is tacked

on to the back end in the first place Using “irregardless” is a big signal that a speaker is uninformed Don’t do it

136 Authored

Don’t Say: The Senator has authored a new recipe book devoted to cooking and eating crow

Say Instead: The Senator has written (or published) a new recipe book devoted to cooking and eating crow Here’s Why: “Author” is a noun that identifies the per-son who did the writing—it should not be used as a verb de-scribing the action of writing

137 Critiqued

Don’t Say: Did you hear how Lisa critiqued Maureen’s performance?

Say Instead: Did you hear how Lisa criticized (or reviewed) Maureen’s performance?

Here’s Why: This is the same problem we had with

“authored.” “Critique” is a noun that shouldn’t be turned into a verb One explanation for why this happens is that the verb

“criticize,” which by definition carries neither positive nor nega-tive connotations, has come to have a neganega-tive sense to it—so people turn to “critique” as an alternative Avoid this

138 Gift

Don’t Say: They gifted the university with a million-dollar donation

Say Instead: They presented the university with a million-dollar donation

Here’s Why: Again, “gift” is a noun that shouldn’t be turned into a verb There are obviously a lot of other ways this sentence could have been corrected, including They made a million-dollar donation to the university and They gave a million dollars to the university

139 Adding “-ize”

Don’t Say: Every time Malcom’s mail is late he says they should privatize the postal service

Say Instead: Every time Malcom’s mail is late he says they should turn over the postal service to the private sector Here’s Why: There are a lot of respectable “-ize” verbs such as “hospitalize,” “jeopardize,” and “institutionalize” that had to travel a long and rocky path to acceptability But there are a number of “-ize” words in popular use—especially in business environments—that haven’t made it yet into the halls

of standard English These include “privatize” from our ex-ample, as well as “finalize, “prioritize,” “incentivize,” and “theo-rize.” These words sound like needless jargon at best and pretentious jargon at worst—they’re best avoided by careful speakers and writers

140 Enthuse

Don’t Say: The company president enthused over the new budget report until he discovered that it contained five math-ematical errors

Say Instead: The company president praised (or ap-plauded) the new budget report until he discovered that it contained five mathematical errors

Here’s Why: The verb “enthuse” is a fine word that per-forms a useful function: it conveys either the causing or the expressing of enthusiasm But it’s a relatively recent creation, and some conservative speakers still object to it So enthuse

away in ordinary conversation at home and at work; but in the most formal kind of speech and writing, however, you may wish to cater to the conservatives and avoid it

141 Adding “-wise”

Don’t Say: It’s an interesting job, but not much salary-wise Say Instead: It’s an interesting job, but the salary is small Here’s Why: Lots of respectable words end in “-wise” as

a way of indicating a manner or a direction—“clockwise” is a common example However, tacking on the suffix “-wise” willy-nilly in order to convey “with regard to” is a no-no Stay away from formulations such as “profit-wise,” “time-wise,” and

“height-wise.”

Test: Made-up Words

Please rewrite the following sentences, substituting pre-ferred words for the words in italics The Answer Key offers possible revisions; in many cases there’s more than one way to revise

1 My husband hated the vase, but I bought it irregardless

2 That plant will die irregardless of whether you water it

3 Earl has authored more than 80 books, including the best-selling Tofu Fantasies

4 Warren critiqued every aspect of the concert, from the oboist’s delightful solo to the conductor’s terrible comb-over

5 Aunt Hortense gifted the museum with her unparalleled collection of brass knuckles

6 We flew to Tahiti to finalize the deal in more comfortable surroundings

7 Mornings work best when you prioritize carefully: socks first, shoes afterward

8 How can we theorize this contradiction?

9 She enthused about the opera at dinner, but immediately fell asleep when it began

10 He’s intelligent and charming, but height-wise he falls a little short

11 We’re doing fine profit-wise, but not too well morale-wise

12 Taste-wise our product is way ahead of its competitors

Answer Key: Made-up Words

1 My husband hated the vase, but I bought it regardless Or: My husband hated the vase, but I bought it anyway

2 That plant will die regardless of whether you water it Or: That plant will die whether you water it or not

3 Earl has written or published or (more creatively) spawned

or vomited more than 80 books, including the best-selling Tofu Fantasies

4 Warren criticized or reviewed or considered or examined

or discussed every aspect of the concert, from the oboist’s delightful solo to the conductor’s terrible comb-over

5 Aunt Hortense gave the museum her unparalleled collec-tion of brass knuckles

6 “Finalize” is pretty widely accepted; but you may wish to use the following revisions if you want to avoid language that sounds like “jargon”: We flew to Tahiti to complete or conclude the deal in more comfortable surroundings

7 Mornings work best when you plan carefully

8 How can we explain or discuss or account for this contra-diction? “Theorize” is pretty widely accepted as an intran-sitive verb that doesn’t take an object, as in “Don’t just theorize, get some practical experience!” But most speak-ers don’t accept “theorize” as a transitive verb: if you need

to have a direct object, choose an alternative to “theorize.” Please note that not all “-ize” words are considered out-of-bounds Unfortunately, there is no rule to tell you which are

correct: some “-ize” words have been around long enough

to be accepted, while some have not The following ex-amples are probably the safest and most widely accepted:

“She laughed so hard at his proposal that she had to be hospitalized.” “Will this typhoon jeopardize our vacation plans?”

9 She praised the opera at dinner, but immediately fell asleep when it began

10 He’s intelligent and charming, but he’s a little too short

11 We’re making a lot of money

Or: Profits are up, but morale is low

12 Our product tastes better than its competitors