things a monkey could cook

On the Menu Chapter One: Introduction and Helpful Tips Chapter Two: Chili and French Bread Chapter Three: Crab-stuffed Mushrooms with Garlic Bread Chapter Four: Sweet and Sour Pork with

Things a Monkey Could CookMenu Coordination for Beginners

by Jean Stites

Copyright 2012, Jean Stites

All rights reserved

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To Grandma Hazel, who was a natural in the kitchen,And to Aunt Norma, who told me I should write a book,And of course to Mom, who—God love her—fed us all

On the Menu

Chapter One: Introduction and Helpful Tips

Chapter Two: Chili and French Bread

Chapter Three: Crab-stuffed Mushrooms with Garlic Bread

Chapter Four: Sweet and Sour Pork with Rice

Chapter Five: Meatloaf with Twice-baked or Oven-fried Potatoes and Chilli SauceChapter Six: Oven-fried Chicken with Peaches, Biscuits, Gravy and Green Beans

Chapter Seven: Pizza, Calzones, and Pizza Rolls

Chapter Eight: Shrimp Eggrolls with Fried Rice or Ramen Noodles

Chapter Nine: Spaghetti and Meat Balls with Veggie Sauce

Chapter Ten: Beef and Bean Burritos or Tostadas

Chapter Eleven: Stuffed Flounder with Tomato and Zucchini Casserole

Chapter Twelve: Chicken Parmesan Subs and Green Salad with Vinaigrette Dressing

Chapter Thirteen: Scallops au gratin with Deep-Fried Potatoes and Cole Slaw

Chapter Fourteen: Spinach Manicotti and Stuffed Mushrooms

Chapter Fifteen: Shrimp Cocktail and Green Salad with Ranch Dressing

Chapter Sixteen: Chicken Chimichangas

Chapter Seventeen: Macaroni and Cheese with Applesauce and Steamed BroccoliChapter Eighteen: Roast Turkey, Stuffing, Almond Green Beans, and AmbrosiaChapter Nineteen: French Toast, Strawberry Jam, and Sausage

Chapter Twenty: Mushroom and Cheese Omelets

Chapter Twenty-One: Cinnamon Rolls

Chapter Twenty-Two: Strawberry Shortcake

Chapter Twenty-Three: Chocolate Chip Cookies

Chapter Twenty-Four: Boston Cream Pie

Chapter Twenty-Five: Half-Moon Cookies

Chapter Twenty-Six: Strawberry Cake Roll

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Brownies

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Classic Cherry Pie

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Carrot Cake

Chapter Thirty: Cream Puffs and Eclairs

Chapter Thirty-One: Rainbow Birthday Cake

Chapter Thirty-Two: Chocolate Cream or Chocolate Mousse Pie

Chapter One Introduction

Greetings to you, who longs to throw together tasty treats that can’t be beat, right there in your own home sweet home!

Originally the title of this book was Timing is Everything, but I felt it would be far

too dull Nevertheless, the original point of this tome is to help those already comfortably constructing a sandwich to get an understanding of how to get an entire menu full of complimentary recipes to simultaneously hit the table at the peak of perfection The monkey thing was just a cheap lure to get you inside the cover, but was also intended to create the impression that cooking can be fun and relatively simple—which it is

Yes, I’ll bet there’s definitely a contented ape somewhere who can go beyond

making a sandwich, and if he or she can do it, surely you can too!

At least I think so

What, I must ask, do you have to lose?

Not as much as you have to gain, I assure you, if you’ve been living on fast or frozen food Expect an immediate trade up in terms of sensual experiences and to get a lot more value out of your food dollar Just make sure you’ve got a fire extinguisher handy While I'm only joking, of course

Or not, perhaps, in the case of those just beginning to monkey around in the

intimidating jungle of cuisine

So anyway, at first this book was all about meal coordination for the beginning cook, and then I realized that of course I had to throw in a lot of desserts at the end to really make it a party—although those of you who already throw perfect parties aren’t going to learn much from me On the other hand, if you suspect that any primate could throw a better one, I’m going to try to spare you a lot of pain and suffering by telling you in perhaps excruciating detail just what to do when and why

Please remember that this is only my way of doing these things, and I keep changing

my mind Cooking, like everything else, is enhanced by personal style, and you’ll

develop your own tastes—for example, in seasonings—as you gain experience In actual fact, I hardly ever make anything quite the same way twice, since the experienced cook

will constantly be making allowances due to issues like the quality of the ingredients or the tastes of those headed for the table.

Of course, precision in measurements has to do with the complicated chemistry of cuisine, and is much more crucial in baking than in, for instance, salad making On the other hand, playing fast and loose with ingredients in any recipe is also a recipe for disaster The main thing to remember when experimenting with something like a pasta sauce or a salad dressing is that in cooking—as in life—balance is everything The

fundamental rule is that no specific ingredient should shout out its identity from the finished dish

Think circumspect elegance

Think smooth

It’s just like Chopin tossing off a nocturne: if you’re really good, nobody will be able

to tell exactly what's in there, while the extrasensitive may be reduced to tears

You can do it!

It’ll all be worth it too, because you truly are what you eat, as they say, so eat good; while in terms of ingredients, I sincerely hope you’ll find at least a few things here that suit your dietary taste and needs, as I try to throw a relatively healthy and happy party.Also, bearing in mind that a lot of beginning cooks may be watching their budgets, I’ve tried to choose recipes made from things that aren’t too expensive and are readily available in most American groceterias As a matter of fact, I briefly considered calling

this book Dirt Cheap Dining, since—having chosen to spend my life in nurturing

occupations—I’ve always lived fairly close to the edge of destruction, and so was forced

by my almost insanely demanding personal standards to learn to cook nearly everything

my family loves from scratch in my sleep

There are worse fates!

You are what you eat!

Cooking is the first—and in some respects still the finest—of art forms, as it can nurture both and soul My Grandmother—to whom this book is principally dedicated—was so good at it that she seldom bothered to write measurements into her recipes, which

is one of the reasons why my personal standards became so high in the first place

Yes, the pathetic, almost unnatural craving I still have for her long-lost chocolate pudding is one of the things that inspired me to write this little book for her great-

grandchildren and you by extension, so that she and I can continue to conjure up tasty treats for everybody from the Great Beyond

I feel, you see, almost a cosmic duty For instance, my Aunt Norma—a victim of the very same craving as my own—was once foolish enough to try to duplicate the chocolate pudding recipe, over and over and over, in a truly tragic case of creeping insanity

May God have mercy on us all!

Amen

Helpful Safety Tips

And now, here’s the first round of what will surely be several important safety tips, inserted throughout this book in a somewhat maternal fashion, because I just can’t help myself

First of all—in the spirit of prevention—I’ve come to feel that those who yearn to cook are often also creative, right-brain types who cringe at the realization that survival

in the kitchen requires third-grade math skills, and so I begin with the following

equivalents in the recipes

I’m sorry, but being a right-brainer, I just hate math

Next: please remember that a great kitchen—like a great mind—is usually a clean

and calm place as well, so tidy up along the way and yours will be more efficient,

healthier, and less accident-prone Better to compulsively wash and dry everything than

to spread germs and slippery havoc wherever you go Go buy a package of cheap bar wipes, rather than spend a small fortune on paper towels Julia Child always had a

kitchen towel hanging from her apron, and when I noticed that my life got a lot easier

And then, when learning to slice and dice—and forevermore—never, never, never take your eyes off the knife once it’s in your hand This is dangerously bad form

comparable to taking one’s eye off the ball in games of sport, with potentially much more serious consequences For instance, once little Chopin’s parents realized that he was destined to be one of the greatest pianists that ever lived, he was thereafter forbidden to even touch a knife

And on that note, we come to the most important safety tips of all: keep that knife way out of reach of your toddler and leave those pot handles turned at angles that can’t be bumped; while if you feel yourself moving too fast, you’re probably asking for trouble Watch out, in particular, for cats and kids underfoot

Keep cool, as a rule

While another classic way to ask for trouble is to turn the heat on anything all the way up You really don’t need to do that to achieve a vigorous boil or bring oil to frying temperature, while the highest of heat equals the greatest potential for things to start moving too fast Contrariwise, don’t turn the heat down too low If it’s not bubbling at all, the magic of kitchen chemistry is not kicking in

And speaking of heat, although these days almost all ovenware is relatively

indestructible, should you decide to keep something on hold in the refrigerator before baking—and you’re using some cool, perhaps inherited, glass or ceramic cookware—

please be very sure that your treasured bakeware can go cold into a hot oven

without cracking, or you’ll be so very sorry on a multitude of levels

Similarly, if you decide to freeze something like leftover applesauce in glass jars for long-term storage, remember to leave a little headroom in those jars for expansion, since

we all remember from science class that water expands when it freezes; and if you didn’t pay attention in class—and you still haven’t learned to pay attention to me—well then,

you’ll just have to learn the hard way, and the rest of the class won’t feel sorry for you, now will we?

Let’s see: what else ?

Ah, here’s a good one: never serve anything that requires dunking of any kind to

a crowd unless you’ve removed all the furniture and carpeting from the room Even then

—especially if there’s children present—there’s bound to be at least one laundry-related tragedy Ditto anything remotely runny or easily crumbled—like tacos—where the

potential messiness factor goes right through the roof, because if that stuff drips on

somebody’s shirt, it may just stay there forever

While in a similar vein, here’s an especially important tip for beginning bakers: flour + an open window + a delightful summer breeze = disaster.

Plus, here’s something that I was in denial about for years, but which is actually very important for those of you who plan to cook for crowds: be aware that—in terms of your

personal health—tasting this and that all day long for testing purposes can actually amount to eating another entire meal if you’re not careful Especially if you start

indulging in a nice big spoonful, when you know very well that a tiny taste is all that’s

needed, because—well, it just tastes and smells so good

And mulling over the subject of healthier cooking now brings me to the subject of

parchment paper: a minor miracle that’s always been available to chefs—now to be had

in my groceteria; and if you can find it and afford it, I strongly advise you to line your bakeware with it Not only does it turn even the most antique of pans into a truly non-stick surface, it takes a major chunk of fat out of your diet, while making everything brown correctly Now that I finally have access to it, the hours I used to spend scrubbing bakeware have begun to seem like nothing but a bad dream

However, memories linger, to the point where I myself am old enough to always be

suspicious of the phrase non-stick cookware—especially when it comes to the delicate art

of baking Nevertheless, even back then—occasionally up to the elbows in the slimy fallout of some amateur meltdown—I knew what I’m once again telling you now, which

is that all this bubble, bubble, toil and trouble is well worth it

You can do it!

Would I lie, just to sell a few books?

Trust me, I want life to be a party for my loved ones and the rest of creation by

extension, and a party—as everyone knows—just doesn’t really feel like a party without

great food

Well all right then, let’s go monkey around in the kitchen!

Chapter Two Chili and French Bread

Well, way back in the Pleistocene Era, when I first started keeping house, one of the best friends I ever had told me with divinely reassuring conviction that any fool can make chili, and she was right If I were going to actually try to teach a monkey to cook

something, this recipe might be it Hopefully, the ease of chili-making will then leave your mind free to learn how to bake bread if you’ve never tried it before; but if you’re intimidated or bored by bread-making, just go buy a loaf or some flour tortillas and you’ll still find plenty of satisfaction

However, if you’ve begun to think that this cooking thing is kinda fun and you get really excited by the aroma when you drive by a bakery, then you’d be doing yourself a big favor by learning how to bake bread I’ve cranked out thousands of loaves, and had a great time spoiling my family with it to the point that I’ve come to feel the need to leave this book behind, if only to prevent them from going into some sort of withdrawal

Plus, I hope I’m correct when thinking that I’ve also saved thousands of dollars that were much better spent at the bookstore, while eliminating at least a few cryptic

chemicals from our diet

So why not give it a try?

The next time you find yourself with a cold winter’s day and nowhere to go, fill your home-sweet-home with the smell of this meal and by dinnertime everyone will be your slave The longer the chili simmers, within reason, the better it tastes Plus, you can make vast quantities and freeze the leftovers for a fast and just-as-good-as-the-first-time treat.While in terms of timing, this is a menu that can take all day, or as little as three hours if you shorten the process by using the canned kidney beans; but if you do it’s really not such a good idea to buy something labeled chili beans, since they may already contain added flavorings

Otherwise, this whole thing takes about seven hours, but the first four are just a soaking period for the beans, during which time you could go rob a bank or something and come back This is an especially good idea if you plan to also buy your bread at a

bakery, since a little extra cash will come in handy in that department; plus you get to run two errands at the same time, so you see it really pays in so many ways to cook from scratch!

Live and learn

Well anyway, after the soaking period, you start the beans and chili simmering away

on the stove, and then go to work on the bread, where rising time will vary according to the air temperature in your kitchen However, during both the rising and the baking you’re once again free to do something else—just checking in once in a while to stir up the chili and make sure that it’s still bubbling away in a low-key sort of way I’d have to ask Betty Crocker to tell you why, but for some reason it’s one of those things that just tastes better if it simmers away—blending those flavors nice and slow—for a really long time

And then, this recipe will feed four of the aforementioned slaves, who may trample you when the bread comes out of the oven Don’t stand between them and it while trying

to explain that—to really be at its peak—the bread needs to cool off for just ten minutes

or they may turn on you

You think I’m joking, don’t you?

I just hope you have the good sense to grab the best piece

Sequence of Events

For best results, start soaking the dry kidney beans about 7 hours before you plan to serve

After about 4 hours, proceed with the chili recipe

Mix up the bread once all is bubbling away on the stove, leaving everything to simmer and rise for about 1 hour

Shape your loaves—letting them rise again for ½ hour, and then it’ll need another 20 minutes to bake

Once the bread’s done, let it cool for about 10 minutes before slicing—and at this point your meal can wait for hours if necessary, since the chili will only be improved by a long, slow simmer, while the bread can be briefly refreshed in the oven

Chili

*

½ cup dry kidney beans

1 pound ground beef

1 large onion, chopped

½ teaspoon salt

2 to 4 tablespoons chili powder

2 large cans = 1 to 1½ pounds fresh tomatoes, peeled and chopped

Wash the beans, place them in a small saucepan, pour boiling water over all, cover and let them soak for about 4 hours You may recall that in the previous chapter

I said you could shorten this time if necessary, but in this case you want your beans to remain intact, so extra care is called for You may also recall that traditionally you soak beans in cold water overnight, but

Drain the beans into a colander, rinsing both them and the pot Return them to the saucepan, cover with water to ½ inch above the surface of the beans, bring to a boil, and then let them simmer over medium-low heat for about an hour; and also

unlike the previous chapter, you aren’t thinking in terms of fork-tender here That

happens later, after they’re added to the chili mixture, which comes next

While the beans are simmering, in your biggest saucepan, begin to brown the beef over medium heat, but don't break it up too much, because you want to end up with

recognizable chunks

Also, the amount of fat in this recipe depends on the grade of meat you’re using; and

I know that there are those who claim that the flavor of the fat is essential, and who would certainly be appalled as I now advise you to pour off most of it into a cup after the initial browning—discarding it after it’s cooled, rather than pouring it down the drain, which is a very bad idea on both practical and ecological levels The best thing of course, when one is strapped for cash, is to just pay for ¾ of a pound of the good stuff

Once it starts to turn color, stir in the onion.

When the beef is browned and the onion translucent, add the salt and the chili powder Cook, stirring, for about 5 minutes, and then add the tomatoes—breaking

them up a little with your spoon if they’re coming from a can However, they’ll break down a lot more as they cook, and once again, you want to end up with a few

time to toss them in

Your bubbling brew will of course get thicker as it simmers, while thickness of chili

is a matter of personal taste Some who think of chili as a relatively soupy dish throw in a cup of water along with the tomatoes, and if you feel you’ve let it go too long, you can always similarly water it down

One says roll the dough into a rectangle first; another says shape it gently with your hands Some say bake over steam, some say glaze the loaf with egg white, and some say bake on a cornmeal-sprinkled sheet.

What's the true recipe?

You tell me

Well, I estimate that I have baked several thousand loaves in almost every

combination of these directions, and nine times out of ten, here's what I do

Occasionally I’ll use the egg white wash to make some sort of seed stick to it

Sometimes I’ll even throw some toasted sesame right into the bread; but I soon gave up

on trying to save fat and duplicate that bakery taste by using cornmeal, since it began to feel like luxury not worth the time, mess, or expense

* 1½ cups very warm water

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon = 1 package yeast

2 teaspoons salt

2 tablespoons optional light oil or toasted wheat germ

5 to 6 cups bread flour

However, when I can afford luxury items I often add the wheat germ—a tasty

addition that replaces some of the fiber that’s lost when flour’s processed and also has a bit of oil in it; while if you want to get rid of the refined sugar, you can substitute honey.Bread flour’s the best of course due to its superlatively glutinous rising propensities, but you can get swell results with unbleached white all-purpose if necessary, while up to half of the flour can be whole-wheat, but only add it after you’ve started with white, and don't use it for kneading

Also, for some reason I now want to climb up on a soapbox and say that I don’t know why anybody uses bleached flour anymore Hopefully some equally incensed crusader will soon explain it to me

Put the sugar and the water into a large bowl and sprinkle your dry and

dormant yeast over the surface In a few minutes it’ll have sunk to the bottom, eaten

the sugar, and come back to life—proving itself with an entertaining show in the form of foamy blobs rising back up to the surface

If it doesn’t proof, your yeast has gone beyond dormant and has instead expired

Once your yeast has proved itself, add the salt, 2 cups of flour, and optional oil

or toasted wheat germ Beat well until it’s very smooth and elastic with a wooden

spoon, fork, or the dough hook of a heavy-duty mixer

Start adding more flour until the dough forms a cohesive, slightly-sticky ball If

you're using whole-wheat flour, alternate it with the white—being sure to only use white for the kneading and shaping soon to come

Knead your dough on a well-floured surface for about 10 minutes—using as

little additional flour as possible, hoping to achieve the lightest of loaves, while for those

of you who may be new to this technique, I shall now attempt to describe it

Kneading Bread

Now once any bread recipe has reached the point where your dough hook or wooden spoon has met its match, you’ll have a blob of semi-sticky dough that’s ready to be kneaded into something you can work with—much like it’s a ball of clay In order to do this you must now distribute a little more flour throughout the dough by pushing and squeezing it for a while, as you also help the growing yeast begin to develop it into a glutinous framework

First, heavily flour your hands and whatever roomy flat surface you have— carefully dumping the dough onto it While you're kneading it will of course continue

to take on flour, and so you’ll probably need to add more to the board to keep the dough from sticking Also, keep a wide-bladed table knife or metal spatula handy to help you scrape up anything that might nevertheless stick to the board—an implement you’ll later use to divide your dough when shaping I myself went over to the mall and bought a French pastry scrapper about thirty years ago because Julia Child told me it was the easy road to success, and I’m now telling you the same thing

You’ll also need a light touch at first to keep it from sticking to your hands, as you now plunge into the process Please remember that mine’s a right-handed approach, and

then push into the center of the dough with the heel of your left hand.

Next—with your right hand—swiftly fold the upper right-hand corner of the dough down and in toward the center, while turning it about a quarter-turn to the left.

Do these two motions over and over—basically trying to push the outside to the inside Once you become practiced, it should take about 5 to 10 minutes for the dough to

Eventually it’ll become a very cohesive, smooth ball, while still appearing slightly wrinkled—a seeming contradiction in terms that experience will hopefully

clarify; and the most important aspect of this entire process is that of elasticity The idea

is to stretch and develop the gluten fibers soon form a balloon-like framework which traps the gas that’s being released by the multiplying yeast Once the bread hits the hot oven the yeast die, while the balloon dries and solidifies into a loaf of yummy

goodness

You know it’ll be worth it!

It’s the staff of life!

However, at first you may wonder if you’ve made a major mistake here—thinking you could actually learn to make bread—as this amorphous, growing blob that lies before you just seems reluctant to turn into a ball

But I’m telling you: if you just keep punching and folding, eventually you’ll get your own method and rhythm going; and I promise that once you know how to do this, your whole life will change Your children and your children’s children will rise up and call you blessed

Birds will sing, and the scent of roses will be in the air

Plus, when discussing bread I feel I should note here that many of my books give me

the impression that the only real difference between basic French bread and basic Italian bread—which may seem a more appropriate choice for some of this book’s menus—is

the amount of flour you use

Yes, it’s my understanding that during the kneading process, one takes French bread just to the point where it no longer sticks to the board; while when thinking Italian bread,

one forces as much flour into it as it will take It my case it all depends on the kneading surface I have to work with, the kind of flour I’m using, what I intend to use the dough for, and what sort of mood I’m in

Do what thou wilt—within reason, of course

Then, once your alien blob’s been tamed into a non-sticky, elastic ball it’s ready to

rise until doubled in size—which can be as much as two hours, depending upon atmospheric conditions; and if your kitchen’s cold, for best results you should go to the

trouble to put it back in the bowl, cover it with a warm, damp towel and nestle it into a cozy place in the time-honored fashion—and not a barely warm, turned-off oven either, which might at first seem like a good idea

No, if you have a roommate, they’ll turn the oven on when you’re not in the room; or you’ll be delayed by something, while your dough rises over the top and creates one of the biggest messes you’ve ever seen

On the other hand, if it erupts onto a countertop, you really can just knead even the most intimidating of amorphous blobs back into the neat little ball of dough you left behind

Rising time and the lightness of your loaves is also dependent up on the amount of flour you end up using when you knead If you have a great surface like my precious marble slab and a practiced hand, you’ll use less

The classic test for a proper rise is to gently push two fingers into it If the dough doesn’t spring back into shape, it's ready to rock and/or roll, which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1½ hours, depending on atmospheric conditions It’s ready when it doesn’t spring back into shape when you poke a couple of fingers into it.

Punch it down and knead as much air out of it as possible Let it rest for 10 minutes to relax the gluten for easier shaping, while you improve your baking sheet with the miracle of parchment paper if possible, or otherwise coat it lightly with shortening; and if you really have a problem with shortening you can use butter, but oil

just won’t work—although you might try cornmeal

Cut the dough into two or three pieces and knead them into smooth balls Then roll them carefully with your hands out into long, evenly shaped loaves Try not to

tear the dough Tragedy will not strike if you do, but the finished product won’t be as nice; and if you mess up, you can always knead it back into a ball and start over.

For that matter, at this point you can take that ball of dough and turn it into any shape you desire, starting with the simple round loaves you see below

It’s your call, which is half the fun

Lay those loaves on your baking sheet and let them rise again for about 30 minutes, until almost doubled Some recipes also suggest that you make several

diagonal slashes in the top of the loaves with a sharp knife to help them rise nicely and look especially spiffy

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, and then bake your bread for about 20 minutes

until it’s golden brown—deeply golden for larger loaves—and then cool it on a rack for

at least 10 minutes You can then freeze this bread and later warm it back up in a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes, although the odds on having any leftovers are pretty slim

Chapter Three Crab-stuffed Mushrooms with Garlic Bread

Well those of you who love mushrooms already know why we find this humble fungi enhancing almost every cuisine on Mother Earth, and may furthermore agree that they may be at their very best when stuffed and baked in a wide and wonderful variety of ways Here we have them complimenting the sweet sophistication of crabmeat—one of those semi-divine foods that tastes so good all by itself that true seafood lovers are often demonically tempted to just stand there and eat it all, right out the can

However, I can tell you with almost complete assurance that you’ll be glad you didn’t after devouring the even-more-absolute divinity to be found through this recipe—heavenly as well because it’s so easy that even the most hesitant of primates should feel free to invite their mother-in-law/boss/God Almighty to dinner

Ready in about an hour, they even make swell finger food on an appetizer tray if you make them out of tiny mushrooms instead of the bigger ones, although I’m more likely to put them on a plate next to something like a couple of the dinner rolls to be found in the

chicken parmesan chapter, or maybe some of the oven-fried potatoes I put on the meat loaf menu, while this time I went for the garlic bread to be found below—making a

menu that served three generously

Also, you can use any kind of crab—lump or claw, fresh or frozen—depending upon your budget and/or taste; while for the true beginners among you, I now feel the need to embark on a brief digression concerning the crumbling of bread

Now for most of the recipes in this book, those on a budget—or not wishing to invest

in a food processor—can probably get by with what’s known as coarse crumbs, which have been achieved since the dawn of time by mangling and mangling this leftover bread

by hand Those especially frustrated with the universe may actually find it therapeutic, if time consuming, while you’ll also find this method enhanced and less inclined to make a mess by leaving your bread inside its plastic storage bag while mangling

However, for the kind of fine bread crumbs so often expected in gourmet recipes you’ll have to rely on machinery Otherwise, one must dry the bread slowly in a warm oven, and then crush it with a rolling pin, which takes—believe me—longer than forever, and can make a mess the size of Cleveland

Also please bear in mind that the bread you choose to crumble is very important, since it will lend it’s flavor to your meal For instance, rye bread might be swell for a poultry stuffing, but maybe not so great for what we’re about to make next

Time for your inner chef to kick in, while something bland like plain French bread is

usually my choice Whenever I buy bread for dinner due to time constraints or the urge to expand my horizons, the leftovers always become bread crumbs stored in the freezer for spontaneous, time-saving use

Sequence of Events

Cut the butter for the garlic bread into little pieces so it can soften up while you prepare the main dish

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees

Whip up the stuffed mushrooms and pop them into the oven

Finish up the garlic bread and put it into the oven as well, after the mushrooms have been in there about ten minutes

Keep warm in a low oven, if necessary

Plus, perfect party-planning is only enhanced by the fact that everything can be taken

to the point of baking and then refrigerated for some time; while quantities here are for three to four.

Crab-stuffed Mushrooms

*

12 medium-to-large mushrooms

1 pound crabmeat

¼ cup minced celery

1 cup fresh bread crumbs

½ cup grated parmesan cheese the juice of one lemon

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon black pepper

1 teaspoon dried basil

¼ cup mayonnaise

* Wash and dry the mushrooms—removing the stems

Prepare a nice roomy baking utensil that’s either truly non-stick, lined with foil,

or lightly brushed with the cooking oil of your choice—canola being the best in this

case because it lends no possibly conflicting flavor, while being high on the healthy list

Put the crab into a large bowl and check it for pieces of shell; and although this is

a standard direction in all of my cookbooks, beginners should feel no cause for alarm, since I have to say that these days I hardly ever find any However, better safe than sorry

Wash, dry, and mince the celery very fine Add it to the bowl.

Mix in the bread crumbs and cheese.

Add the rest of the ingredients, mix very well, and equally distribute this

stuffing mixture atop your awaiting mushrooms.

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees and then bake those fantastic fungi for about

30 minutes, until they’re nice and brown

Garlic Bread

*

10 cloves garlic, minced very fine

¼ cup softened butter

1 loaf bread of choice, split in two

*Now of course—garlic cloves and people’s tastes being anything but uniform—one should feel free to vary the amount Ditto the butter, depending upon one’s propensities

*

Mix the garlic into the butter, and then spread it all over the cut side of any bread on the planet, although something like the French bread to be found just a few

pages back in the previous chapter is usually the first choice for most

Put that garlic-buttered bread on a baking sheet and then into your preheated

375 degree oven for about 15 minutes—which of course, in the case of this menu,

would mean about ten minutes after the mushrooms go in It’s done when a bit of sizzling ensues and things have reached the point of crunchiness you prefer.

Enjoy!

Chapter Four Sweet and Sour Pork with Rice

Now those reading this entire book may recall from the eggroll chapter that back when I was a ravenous resident of your average college dormitory—where the selections

at the cafeteria often looked suspicious at best—those of us who might’ve found fish bones in their lasagna like I did were often waiting up into the wee hours for the blessed manifestation of the eggroll man, who’d bring whatever hadn’t sold at his restaurant that night right into the lounge, where we’d then pounce upon with the last of our pocket change

Thus began my love affair with rice and all the tasty things that can sit beside it—starting with your classic sweet and sour pork

Ah, memories!

And so over the years I've collected recipes One book I own claims that if you haven't tasted this dish, you haven't lived; and while this is going a bit too far in my book, you can see that it must be a potential crowd-pleaser well worth the effort Also—being a classic recipe—even those cautiously new to oriental food have probably already heard of

it, and so won’t suspect you of actually trying to poison them with tainted eel or

and make most people relatively happy; and so I wish to make it perfectly clear that you can instead use chunks of something like chicken, shrimp, or fish to achieve

similarly spectacular results

Of course, what you choose to fry will affect your timing a bit, while those quick with a knife can probably put this together in about an hour; and in terms of party

planning, you can even do some of the preparation in advance if necessary For instance, the marinade, batter, and chopped veggies can wait in the refrigerator for some time.However—like almost all oriental dishes—once the food hits the fire you must keep going and serve immediately After you start the rice and the oil you’ve got to stay with this from stove to table to afterglow for maximum effect

This recipe yields two servings, with fortune cookies highly recommended as an

encore

Sequence of Events

Prepare the rice for cooking and let it soak

Marinate the pork and refrigerate

Mix up the batter and refrigerate

Wash and cut up veggies for the sauce

Start the rice, which will take about 20 minutes, while simultaneously heating the oil for deep-frying

Meanwhile, make the sweet-and-sour sauce

Check on the rice, which should be done right around the same time that the oil is hot enough to begin frying Fluff it and leave it on hold over lowest heat

Fry up the pork cubes, mix them with the sauce, and serve immediately

*

By the way, you may not see why the meat and the batter need to be refrigerated since they’ll shortly be exposed to searing, bacteria-exterminating heat, but in point of fact one of the secrets to success here is to have the food very cold when it hits the hot oil

Also, it’s my understanding that small lumps in the batter are actually a good thing for creating this particular coating texture too; and I should now probably go refresh my memory as to exactly why the cold and lumpy thing works the way it does, so I could then properly explain it to you, but—Lord help me—I’m afraid I just don’t feel like it

To marinate the pork or not?

And then, does one dip it into batter, or roll it in cornstarch—or even flour—to achieve the absolute maximum in crunchy, yet juicy, pleasure?

Well, trying not to be overwhelmed by controversy, I’ve done it all, and here's what I now do most of the time—starting with the theoretically optional step of marinating the pork, which became no longer optional to me once I tried it.

Marinate the Pork

*

1 pound boneless lean pork

2 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons sherry

*

Any kind of cooking-grade sherry will do, and mine is necessarily cheap from the vinegar section of the groceteria I don't imagine they use cider vinegar in the sweet-and-sour sauce in China either, but I am one of humble circumstance

*

Stir together the soy sauce and sherry in a medium bowl.

Cut the pork into 1/2 inch cubes and mix it with the soy-sherry.

refrigerator; and while both the marinade and this batter can wait in the refrigerator for

some time, I’d say more than two hours would be pushing the envelope

Deep Frying the Pork

Well right here in the second chapter I’ve already decided to risk potential violation

of the premise of this book by including deep-frying—one of the most serious operations

in the kitchen, since what’s bubbling away in your pot is even more dangerous than boiling water For instance, when making pasta, you eventually have to carry a kettle full

of said water from the stove to the sink, but I would never under any circumstances suggest that you even try to move a kettle full of boiling oil

However, this otherwise truly simple recipe was just too tasty to leave out!

Very important safety tip: just don’t let the oil overheat and smoke, or everything will be ruined Don't even leave the room if you can help it, especially if you have

children around; and don’t try to funnel your oil back into the plastic bottle for disposal while it’s still hot or you’ll have a major meltdown on your hands

Which might make you ask yourself: why risk a meltdown at all? Why not skip this whole scenario entirely?

However, I’m telling you: it’s not all that bad, and it’s so darn tasty

Deep-frying is a technique that seals in the juices to produce one of the most

superlative of dinning experiences, which is why chefs all over the world employ it Plus, done properly, it can actually put less fat into your food than the pan-fried alternative

Of course you can do it!

I do it in a wok, but you can get by with a large, deep, heavy kettle Some fortunate people own actual deep-fryers, but I’m not telling you to go buy one Just use something that sits very stable on your burner—preferably with two good handles that can be

securely grabbed with potholders in a hurry

Place your fryer over medium-high heat for about 15 minutes, until it reaches approximately 350 degrees; while if you don’t own a thermometer, you can place a

sample of whatever you’re cooking into the oil to test it—in this case, a drop of batter If vigorous bubbling ensues, it’s time to proceed

Safety tip number two: stay on red-alert for splash-back when dropping things into oil, while remembering that putting the food in a little at a time helps to keep the

temperature constant

Mix the batter into the pork cubes Don't drain off the marinade that’s left in the

bowl, while it’s alright if those cubes don’t seem to be completely coated after mixing very well

Carefully drop half the pork cubes, one at a time, from a fork into the hot oil

Use another fork to push the cube off and into the oil—working close to the surface to avoid splashing

When they float and have turned a pale golden color, use tongs or a slotted spoon to lift them carefully from the oil into a wire basket or colander to drain I

myself usually use a wire sieve on the end of a wooden handle that came from the

oriental groceteria

Fry the other half likewise.

Give the oil about 3 minutes to reheat, and then gently put all the pork cubes back in together for about 2 minutes more.

Mix the pork quickly with the sauce and whisk everything to the table with

amazing dexterity in the heady exhilaration of accomplishment!

Sweet-and-Sour Sauce

* 1-2 cups vegetables, chopped or sliced into small-bite-sized pieces

1 tablespoon peanut, canola, or vegetable oil

1 clove minced garlic

¼ sugar

¼ cider vinegar

¼ cup water

1½ tablespoons soy sauce

1 tablespoon cornstarch mixed with 1 tablespoon water

*

Now, what vegetables you use are really a matter of taste and availability, but half a red or green sweet pepper, a small carrot, and a small onion or a couple of green onions is pretty standard

I usually throw in a couple of thinly sliced mushrooms—as well as a few bamboo shoots, snow peas, water chestnuts, or perhaps pineapple chunks—should I find these entertaining items on sale However, you’ve only got two cups to work with here, so there’s really no way you can use everything Just ask yourself what you’re in the mood for—or better yet: what looks truly fresh at the market; while those who might be worried about the amount of fat already in this recipe could always steam their veggies instead and add them after the sauce has thickened

Also, those not reading straight through should be aware that they may have already

seen this recipe at the end of the shrimp eggrolls menu, lest they be experiencing some

sort of déjà vu

*

Wash, dry, and chop your veggies into slightly less than bite-sized pieces.

Mix together the sugar, ¼ cup water, vinegar, and soy sauce.

Coat the bottom of a small saucepan with the oil.

Put it over medium heat for about 30 seconds, and then add the garlic.

When it begins to sizzle, add the rest of the vegetables and stir-fry for 3 to 4 minutes, until they're slightly softened and their color brightens.

Add the sugar-liquids mixture—stirring constantly until it reaches a boil.

Add the cornstarch-water paste and stir briskly as it thickens.

Remove from the heat—covered to keep it warm—contrary to when making this

sauce as a dip for something like eggrolls, where it’s better to let it cool all the way down

Basic White Rice

as deep as possible, since the loss due to evaporation is proportionate to the amount of surface area

In general, you want the water to come about ½ inch above the level of the rice after it’s been soaking for a while, when you turn on the heat Eventually you’ll get to

know your pot, and how different kinds of rice cook up inside it, and live happily ever after

And because I’ve always feared becoming vaguely hypertensive, I’ve also always left out the salt Plus, I feel that once it’s on the plate the rice is about to blend with the

flavors of the main dish anyway, so to me it often seems somewhat redundant as well However, if you prefer yours in a bowl on the side, you may find it too bland if you leave out the salt entirely.

Rinse your rice in a strainer under running water until the water runs fairly clear—

moving it around with your fingers to rub the grains together to get rid of excess starch, among other things This is an optional step often discouraged by those who know that in the case of fortified rice from the USA this also washes away legally mandated nutrients, but I do it anyway because I think it sticks less, and because I wash absolutely everything

I can—not being willing, I’m afraid, to trust the food industry on this point

Stir the rice, water, and salt together briefly in a medium saucepan that must have a tight-fitting lid—setting it aside to soak for at least 30 minutes before you plan to cook it It’s even better if it sits there for an hour, which is why it should usually

be the first thing you do whenever you’re making a meal that has rice in it It’s important for superior results, since the moisture slowly penetrates almost all the way to the center

of the rice kernel before the agitation provided by adding heat starts stripping away the surface, which can turn the outside mushy before the inside’s tender

Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, stir, cover tightly, put the heat as low as

it will go, and leave it alone for 15 minutes If it boils over, stir and cover it again, but it

probably means that your pot’s too small

Stir your rice lightly but completely to fluff it up a bit and to keep it from

sticking to the bottom of the pot Turn off the heat and cover it again for another 10 minutes It’ll stay warm longer than that if you leave the lid alone.

Contrariwise, some people say that at the end of the 15 minute cooking time you should just turn the heat off and not open the lid for 10 minutes—then fluff and keep it on hold—but I usually want to just compulsively take a peek

Once again, you’ll have to be the judge

Decisions, decisions

Chapter Five Meatloaf with Twice-baked or Oven-fried Potatoes and Chili Sauce

Simple and satisfying in the meat-and-potatoes tradition, this is one of the first things

I learned to make by watching Mom; and it’s high on the list of primate capability,

because all you have to do for the main dish is mix it up and bake it

Plus, if you really want your life to be easy, just leave the potatoes in the oven for the whole time and be content with your basic baked spuds topped with sour cream—

skipping all the elaborate playfulness of higher cuisine

Of course, this lazy and pedestrian approach will only invite amused scorn from smug sophisticates like me, but what do you care?

Also enhancing this approach is the fact that you can mix up and refrigerate the meatloaf well ahead of time, which means that all the complicated cooking you need to

do at the last minute is working with the potatoes—which will take about twenty minutes,

no matter which method you choose, and needs to be done about forty-five minutes before dinnertime

However, in my universe something green like the simply steamed broccoli to be seen in the photo is often wanted on the plate as well, and when steaming a veggie—or perhaps throwing together a salad—one has the option to do much of the slicing and/or dicing earlier in the day, or at the last minute while the rest of the menu finishes roasting.Plus, timing will vary considerably depending up which potato recipe you choose

The twice baked potatoes we call fluffy-whips can take up to three hours—depending

upon the size of your vegetables—but if you do a lot of the initial preparation in advance, there will be periods during the baking part where you can instead set the table or

commune with companions

On the other hand, the oven-fried alternative conveniently cooks alongside the main dish, and so the whole thing can be pulled off by the even those relatively inexperienced two hours or less

And then I feel most people tend to want something like ketchup or steak sauce on top of their meatloaf, but if you can't imagine this menu without gravy, I refer you the

chicken with peaches and biscuits chapter for basic gravy-making technique—using

drippings from the pan, and canned beef broth or water for the liquid—while advising you that using too lean a grade of ground meat might actually leave you with no

drippings at all

However, whenever possible, I myself always go for the inherited chili sauce recipe

to be found at the end of this chapter, while all quantities in this family-style chapter are for four

And if there suddenly seems to be a crop circle manifesting out on the lawn, the only thing that can’t wait on hold would be something like a steamed veggie—making this a good thing to serve if you’re not sure when people are going to show up Just leave your loaf and taters in the oven—turned down to warm—and don’t start steaming until you’re sure everybody’s available

Plus, leftover meatloaf can make a nice sandwich the next day Leftover baked potatoes can be diced and fried in a little butter or even bacon drippings to go with the eggs and toast at breakfast—another tradition that was apparently started back in the days

of horse-drawn sleighs, where the hostess would provide her departing guests with nice hot baked potatoes, which would then be clutched within their mittens to keep their hands warm during the frosty ride home

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Sequence of Events

First, those making chili sauce should set it to simmering.

Then, if choosing the fluffy-whip scenario, bake the potatoes for 1½ hours while you

mix up the meatloaf and assemble everything you’ll need to finish the potatoes Remove those spuds from the oven and put the meatloaf in, and proceed with step two of the f-w recipe

Or, if choosing to oven-fry your potatoes, prepare them simultaneously with the

meatloaf, put both dishes into the oven together, and then the dinner bell will ring in slightly less than an hour

After everything’s baking away, proceed with whatever further side dish you might crave

¼ teaspoon black pepper

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

½ cup optional minced onion

*

If your accompanying topper has a lot of onion in it like the chili sauce—or if you’ve

given up on persuading someone you nevertheless love that onion will not kill them—you may want to leave it out of the meatloaf; while those not familiar with the phrase fresh bread crumbs may wish to read my brief lecture on the subject to be found back in

the crab-stuffed mushrooms chapter.

Also—although Mom never did this—I frequently view using half ground beef and half ground pork as an improving variation I tried it once with all-pork, but it failed to

satisfy You may feel differently of course, while I’ve yet to make this with something like ground turkey, which certainly seems like a healthy idea

Mix all of the ingredients together in a large bowl, and then pat this mixture into a roomy foil-lined baking pan—preferably a loaf pan, but it doesn’t have to be

You don’t even have to line it with foil if money’s tight; but if you don’t, be sure to soak your pan in soapy water as soon as you take your finished dish out of it, or you’ll end up with a dried up test of your patience

Also, many experienced cooks insist on mixing this with their hands in order to achieve a truly complete merging of the ingredients, and I’m one of them, but am willing

to admit that it may be merely a symptom of creeping insanity However, to be sure, you should probably ask my familiars

Then—if following the fluffy-whip scenario—put your meatloaf into the 350 degree oven when the potatoes come out for step two Bake until well browned: 45 minutes, more or less, depending on the size and depth of your pan.

Or—if planning to oven-fry your taters—bake the meatloaf alongside them in a preheated 375 degree oven for about 30 minutes.

When you remove it from the oven there may be a certain amount of fat accumulated

in the bottom, which you should pour off and discard unless you’ve decided to make gravy

economical

Also, contrary to tradition, I often bake a bunch o’ tiny taters, treat them in similar

fashion, and call them mini fluffy-whips As a matter of fact—especially when the

potatoes are nice and fresh—I’ve actually come to prefer them over the big guys; and should you choose to do this, plan on using 12 new potatoes of uniform size—baking them anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending upon how large they are

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Wash the potatoes, cut out any questionable-looking spots, and pierce them a few times with a sharp fork to allow steam to escape because—although I’ve never

actually witnessed this—they say that once in a while a baking potato with its skin

entirely intact will actually explode, and I’ve cleaned up enough kitchen disasters to be more than willing to take their word for it

Bake for up to 1½ hours, until fork-tender.

Remove them from the oven and let them cool down slightly while you assemble

everything else you need to proceed

And you’ll probably need an electric mixer to achieve that fluffy-whip lightness we’re after here I of course realize that for the fairly athletic it’s possible to whip

potatoes with a whisk—and perhaps also simultaneously whip myself into shape in the timeless tradition of the classic chef, but I’ve declined

Go figure

Slice your still-hot spuds in half length-wise, and scoop the insides out of their skins with a well-rounded spoon into a large mixer bowl, taking care to leave the skins intact.

Add the butter, milk, and salt.

Whip those taters on medium speed until all is very smooth and light.

Scoop this mixture back into the skins, place them in a baking dish, and

carefully top with the grated cheese.

Return them to the oven for another 20 to 30 minutes until the cheese is melted and beginning to brown; while at this point, if you’re distracted by something like the

aforementioned crop circle manifestation, they can be held in a slow oven for quite some time

Enjoy!

Oven-fried Potatoes

*

12 small new potatoes, or 4 medium bakers

2 tablespoons olive, canola, or vegetable oil

*

And although the olive oil is usually my choice—since I perceive it to be the

healthiest—it also has a distinct flavor that may or may not blend or clash with whatever you plan to put on top of your meatloaf When in doubt, go for canola, which is

essentially tasteless, and therefore more versatile

Wash the potatoes and cut them into bite-sized pieces, which is of course a matter

of opinion, and which will therefore affect your cooking time If you like your taters crunchy like I do, think small

Let them soak briefly in cold water to remove some of the starch, and then drain them into a colander; while those new to cooking should remember that the drier

you get them the better, since cooking with wet vegetables always yields marginal

results

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Line a large baking utensil with foil—something like a 9 x 13-inch cake pan—or

a sheet with sides, such as those used for cake-rolls.

Pour the potatoes into the pan, drizzle them with the oil, and stir it all up with a rubber spatula to coat them completely.

Bake for approximately 30 minutes, until they reach your desired crispness— removing them briefly halfway through the process to toss and turn them to prevent sticking and promote even browning.

Salt and pepper to taste, and a lot of people sprinkle on their choice of herbs and

spices at this point as well I myself usually sprinkle on nothing at all, since I’ve been

looking for ways to cut salt without sacrificing flavor for what seems like a zillion years, and because I learned long ago from the farm folk populating my childhood that a truly fresh vegetable really needs no enhancement at all.

However, for this meal, I of course rely whenever possible on the ancestral recipe for

chilli sauce that the women this book is dedicated to so lovingly in their turn passed on

down to me

Chili Sauce

Now this is a sweet-sour relish sort of sauce, with the emphasis on the sweet; and despite the name, it’s not hot Apparently the chili part of the name doesn’t even refer to the humble chili pepper—even though there’s red sweet pepper in it—but rather

designates the fact that it’s intended to be served chilled, as my mother is quick to remind

me However, in most cases, I try to bring it to room temperature before serving

For generations my family preserved vast quantities of this marvelous mixture during mid-summer when the garden vegetables peaked However, canned tomatoes are an adequate substitute, and I hope the result will still pleasantly remind you of July when winter winds blow During the season of harvest I make fairly vast quantities when I see fresh tomatoes on sale, and then it stays tasty in the refrigerator for several weeks—tightly sealed in the canning jars I used to actually process and seal in the old boiling-water canning rig I inherited, back when I was a more serious gardener

It’s also one of those things that’s even better after it’s had a few days to set up, as

the ingredients synergistically merge their flavors into something even finer than the already exquisite fresh veggies you started with

*

2 cups tomatoes, peeled and chopped

½ small sweet red pepper, chopped

½ medium onion, chopped

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 tablespoon cider vinegar

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon

* Mix everything together in a medium saucepan, cover, and bring to a boil over medium heat.

Lower the heat and simmer, uncovered for about 30 minutes—stirring

frequently until it's as thick as you want it Traditionally it’s not a very thick condiment,

but you don’t want it too watery either Frequently how thick I make it depends upon

what I plan to do with it next, but as a rule, this yields about 2 cups.

Cool to at least room temperature before serving.

Chapter Six Oven-fried Chicken with Peaches, Biscuits, Gravy, and Green Beans

When I was first married, I pestered my mother-in-law until she unearthed this forgotten favorite from my husband’s childhood, which he recalls her clipping from a newspaper; and if you’re intimidated by the idea of baking biscuits, you can always use the canned dough that can be found hibernating inside cardboard tubes in the refrigerated section of your groceteria like she did.

Also—in a similar vein—this recipe is a lot easier for the beginner than frying

chicken on top of the stove, and I hope you’ll agree that the peaches add an interesting and delicious touch

Now these days—because after years of added fat and still-encrusted bakeware I finally have nifty high-tech non-stick pans—I get to cut a lot of the shortening out of this old recipe, and you can achieve essentially the same results—while also saving in a big way on clean-up—by lining older pans with aluminum foil Then—if you’re especially concerned about fat intake—you could theoretically go even further by using skinless chicken, but you’ll need to cover it with foil as well, and you may still have a problem with it drying out, while you’ll definitely have a problem with the lack of drippings for the gravy

You can skip the gravy entirely, of course, but opinion in many households will be that there’s absolutely no point to biscuits without gravy I know my family would most certainly look at me as though creeping insanity had finally taken its toll

Your call

Plus, of course, there are the biscuits themselves, which are also all about shortening; but what can I say, except that old-fashioned taste requires old-fashioned ingredients? I like to think that the simply steamed veggie provides both culinary and nutritional

balance

Ready in about two hours, this is a hearty chill-in-the-air meal that serves four, but it

may not be a good thing to fix for a dinner party, since it’ll require a fairly constant presence in the kitchen

Enjoy!

Sequence of Events

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees while you begin with the chicken.

Once the bird’s underway, prepare the biscuits for baking and the green beans for steaming

After about 50 minutes, take the chicken out to acquire drippings for gravy-making, arrange the peaches on top, and then bake for another 15 minutes

Remove your finished dish from the oven, and raise the temperature to 450 degrees

in anticipation of biscuit-baking Loosely cover the pan with aluminum foil to keep it all warm; while afterwards you might re-use this relatively clean piece of foil to wrap up leftovers, although there probably won’t be any More likely—if there’s enough hungry kids at the table—you’ll be called upon to fairly divide the last biscuit

Start the gravy and the green beans, while the oven heats

When the temperature hits 450, put the biscuits in; and then call in the company while those flaky delights are baking, because you want everyone seated when they come out of the oven and you whisk everything to the table

This kind of chow—especially any steamed vegetable—has a particularly narrow window of perfection

Oven-fried Chicken with Peaches

* about 3 pounds split chicken breasts = 4 pieces

up to ¼ cup shortening—optional, depending upon your pan

1 cup flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon poultry seasoning, or ¼ teaspoon each black pepper, sage, and thyme +

pinches of marjoram and nutmeg

1 large or 2 small cans peaches

*

Now, if you’re on a really tight budget or don’t cook very often, and therefore don’t want to pay for pricey seasonings that you may never use up, it’ll still taste good—just not as interesting—with only salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Coat a 13" x 9" x 2" pan well with the shortening; and at this point, if your pan’s

truly non-stick or lined with foil, I recommend brushing just the bottom with a light layer

of shortening in order to give your finished dish a hint of that old-fashioned fried-chicken flavor you so crave

Wash the chicken pieces well under cold water.

Put the flour, salt, and seasonings into a plastic bag Close it tightly and shake it

to mix things together.

Add the chicken pieces to the bag one at a time Shake to coat them with the flour mixture Then place them skin side down in your pan Save the extra flour

mixture to thicken and season the gravy

Bake uncovered, in the center of the oven, for about 50 minutes, during which

time you’ll be making biscuits and slicing green beans

Remove your pan from the oven temporarily, tip it a little so that the drippings run down into one corner, and carefully spoon out ¼ cup for the gravy.

Turn the chicken pieces over, drain the liquid off the peaches, and lay them all over the chicken Return everything to the oven for 15 minutes.

And then as you may recall, when this dish comes out of the oven it’s best to cover it with foil to keep it warm while everything else finishes up

However, if you plan to take it to the table, put it on a platter before you cover it, so that nothing slows you down when the biscuits come out and your delicate veggie reaches its peak, while making sure that the following gravy is actually the last thing you remove from the heat

Gravy

*

2 cups milk

¼ cup seasoned flour, reserved from coating the chicken

¼ cup drippings, removed from baking pan

*

I use 2% milk; and if I don’t have quite enough, I just use water for the rest of the liquid Those having a problem with milk can make this gravy with chicken broth or entirely with water, but it won’t be the cream gravy you may picture poured over the fried chicken of your dreams

*

Over medium-low heat, mix the flour into the drippings in a medium saucepan and stir about 3 minutes, until it just starts to bubble and turn color, but don’t let it brown You’ll find a whisk and heatproof rubber scraper helpful here—two inexpensive,

nearly essential items that all aspiring cooks should acquire, since the trick with

something like this, of course, is to keep the lumps out of it

Don’t think that you can use a regular non-heatproof spatula

It won’t be pretty

Gradually whisk in the milk and bring your gravy to a slow boil Whisk and scrape the bottom and sides of the saucepan almost constantly for about three

minutes as all those molecules interlock and everything thickens up At first you’ll

see little shiny ribbons of fat running through the mixture; and once they’ve all

disappeared, your mission is complete All you have to do is have a strong arm and stay

on it until it comes together

You can keep it nice and warm over lowest heat—whisking once in a while—and then make sure that it’s the last thing you take to the table, or your whole meal will be a bust

Biscuits

Of course, I have a pile of recipes for biscuits, and no two are the same They all start with the same amount of flour, but the amounts of salt, shortening or butter, milk, and baking powder all vary Some have sugar and some don't Some are a million years old, and some are quite new and theoretically improved, and I’ve tried quite a few, while here’s what I eventually settled on

*

2 cups all-purpose flour

¾ teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

½ cup shortening 2/3 cup milk

* Sift together the flour, salt, sugar, and baking powder into a medium bowl If you

don't own a sifter, just mix your ingredients really well with a fork, but serious bakers should try to lay their hands on one For instance, if you notice that your finished biscuits have little brown spots, there’s a good chance that the baking powder’s not evenly

distributed

Cut in the shortening with a pastry cutter until this mixture—so many of my books

say—resembles cornmeal, which assumes that everyone knows what cornmeal looks like, which they don’t For that matter, I don’t even think it resembles cornmeal Well, those authors probably use this marginal example because they can’t think of a better one, and unfortunately neither can I

Now a pastry cutter’s a tool you ought to own if you love biscuits and pie crust, because it’s cheap and—for this purpose—practically indispensable It has a straight handle the width of your hand, with several U-shaped wires suspended from it that make short work of fat incorporation Otherwise, you have to use two table-knives—rubbing them together as you cut into the flour and shortening to blend them together into tiny balls of flour-encased fat—a process that works even better if whatever fat you’re using

is nicely chilled

Prepare a large floured surface for kneading and rolling Traditionally, I was

taught to cover both the rolling surface and the rolling pin with a cloth to achieve the least additional flour; but I confess to being far too lazy to do this, and simply rolled the dough out on my floured breadboard most of the time Then I traded up to a high-tech countertop, while just lately providence has sent me my precious marble slab that almost refuses to stick to anything

I’ve also got a swell black marble rolling pin Before that I had this big white

ceramic rolling pin that I inherited from Aunt Phoebe, who used it everyday to crank out piles of pie for the farmhands before dawn

If you don't own a rolling pin you can pat this dough out with your hands, or perhaps roll it out with a broom handle; but if you intend to move on to pie crust, you’ll have to invest

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees; and at this point you can put everything on hold if

necessary However, once you next add liquid to anything with double-acting baking powder in it, a reaction kicks in that needs to be followed by the next phase of contact with heat as efficiently as possible for the lightest of results

Make a well in the center of the flour mixture by pushing it up the sides of the

bowl You want to almost see the bottom, so that when the liquid goes in a lot of the flour falls in on it from the sides, making for swift and even mixing

Pour in the milk all at once—combining everything as quickly as possible with a fork It should come together pretty fast into a ball that’s just slightly sticky to the touch

Classic technique calls for working the dough as little as possible because it’s got to be

completely and evenly blended, but you don’t want a lot of gluten developing that ball into your classic rubber biscuit

Turn the dough out onto the floured surface and knead lightly for about 30 seconds Although you employ basically the same push-and-turn technique used for

working with bread dough, you only want to assure that it’s fairly uniform, so you can roll it out It's not going to be as smooth as bread dough and will tend to stickiness; and this is where a swift and skillful touch really pays off, because the less extra flour you’re forced to use, the lighter your finished product will be

Roll it out to about ½ inch thick You’ll have to turn it over at least once to get it to

roll out evenly, while you keep the board lightly floured to prevent sticking

Dip a 2-inch round biscuit cutter into flour and then cut circles straight down into the dough Don't twist the cutter, which will create an edge that doesn’t want to rise

Then you reknead and reroll the scraps of dough, and each time you do so you’ll be adding flour and reducing quality, so try to space your cuts as closely as possible

Place your biscuits slightly apart on a non-stick baking sheet If you don't own a

high-tech surface, you may need to brush yours lightly with shortening, or—better yet, of course—use parchment paper if you can find it and afford it For instance, my family thinks I’ve gotten light-years better at biscuits lately, but it’s mostly just the paper and modern, high-tech bread flour

Pop those biscuits into a preheated 450 degree oven for about 10 minutes until golden brown; and then whisk them straight to the table—where the chicken sits waiting.

Steamed Green Beans

Wash and sort 1 pound green beans—discarding those past their prime that won’t

snap in two, which is something you can usually do initially at the market as well

Trim off the ends, and cut them into 1-inch lengths If you like you can also

French them, which involves first splitting them lengthwise individually with a knife, and which I usually think is worth the trouble

*Also, please be aware that these beans could easily be replaced on the menu by some other steamed green veggie that either more suits your taste or looks especially fresh at the market, while those already used to steaming veggies might want to skip the

following rant on the subject

I don’t care what time it is

This steamer basket I command you to purchase is a collapsible metal platform full

of holes that stands on little legs and conforms to the size of your saucepan After it’s in there you just add water up to the bottom of the platform and put whatever cut-up

vegetables you’ve got on top Alternatively, you can always boil them in an inch of water, but I feel the results are not nearly as tasty or healthy, since a lot of the flavor and nutrients end up in the water

Exactly how you cut them up depends of course not only upon what sort of produce you’re working with, but also upon what you intend to do with it next; and so instruction

will be found in recipes, but the main thing is to cut your veggies into pieces of uniform thickness

For instance, in this case one might French the beans not just for the effective

culinary sophistication, but also to reduce cooking time; while for broccoli, one would remove the tough lower stems, split the secondary stems, and cut the larger flowerets in half to achieve even doneness

Cover, bring the water to a boil over medium-high heat, and steam for 15 to 20 minutes, until those beans are bright in color and test tender under your fork—

having reached that glorious peak of perfection which stands between crunch and mush

Salt and pepper to taste, and at this point one could add all sorts of other

enhancements—perhaps melting on a little butter, or adding seasonings correspondent with the meal, or maybe even throwing in some toasted nuts—depending upon the rest of the menu, although when placing any sort of steamed veggie on a plate with a powerful sauce or gravy like what we have here, I often inclined to add very little or nothing at all

As most vegetarians will be quick to agree, a truly fresh vegetable—even all alone in its natural simplicity—is a sweet treat that can’t be beat; while steaming can often be the way to go as well when hoping to cut fat in complex situations For example, I might

steam veggies destined to become ingredients in a sweet and sour sauce, even though the

original recipe I began with years ago called for stir-frying them, depending on the fat content of the rest of the meal

Ditto something like green peppers and onions for something like a topping for the

chicken parmesan subs to be found elsewhere in this book, which could be steamed or

fried depending upon what else is on the plate, the dietary needs of those at the table, or simply the mood of that particular evening

So go out and buy a steamer basket right now

I don’t care what time it is

Serve immediately, or perhaps sooner, because this is also a prime example of a

situation where timing truly is everything If a crop circle forms in the yard after the steaming has started, your delicate dish will almost certainly be ruined if you forget about

it while running outside to take a look

Chapter Seven Pizza, Calzones, and Pizza Rolls

Now pizza’s a real crowd-pleaser: a great thing to serve to guests whose tastes are uncertain—especially if there’s kids among them Nothing will stop two embattled ten-year olds from ruining a family gathering faster than the introduction of a pepperoni pizza; while all elementary school teachers know that the promise of a pizza party will induce compliance with a difficult task faster than any force known to man I don’t mean

to brag, but the UN has consulted me about using the smell of my pizza as a strategy for getting diplomats to crack and come to terms

Why can I make this staple of modern society in my sleep?

Because like every other baby-boomer, once I discovered the stuff, I couldn’t get enough of it As a matter of fact, pizza fever is the reason I took up breadmaking in the first place

And because pizza’s just a slab of basic bread—baked with almost anything tasty on top—timing here depends on how quickly your dough rises, which in turn depends on the air temperature in the room Yeast thrives on warmth, and at the height of summer that dough can be up in as little as thirty minutes, while in the depths of winter it can

sometimes take well over an hour

Also—in terms of party flexibility—pizza dough can be made in the late afternoon, placed in a very large bowl, and popped into the refrigerator, where it will rise more slowly in the cool temperatures; while when really pressed for time you can also skip simmering up some marinara sauce and use something from a jar

However, when rushed I prefer simple crushed tomatoes—sprinkling on a few seasonings like basil and/or oregano—maybe some red pepper flakes Summertime affords the luxury of sliced fresh tomatoes instead of sauce, but I caution against using anything but prime produce

And in terms of produce, everyone knows that you can pile vegetables on a pizza, although some might instead wish to toss up a nice green salad like the one to be found enhancing the chicken parmesan If you go for salad, you’ll have opportunity to throw it together while the pizza’s baking, but try to remember to wash your greens at around the same time that you mix up the dough, so that they have ample opportunity to dry and

crisp in the refrigerator Plus, you could also take a salad like this to the point of dressing well before the party starts and hold it in the fridge.

For that matter, if someone’s caught in traffic, an unbaked pizza can hold in the fridge for a short time if necessary If they call you after you’ve already put it in the oven, take it out when the cheese just begins to brown, and then return it to the oven to sizzle back up once everyone’s comfortable However, under normal circumstances, this meal takes approximately two hours

Quantities given here are for four average humans or two really hungry young

men—perhaps more if you make an enormous salad

Red alert: don’t try to bake too many pizzas at once just because you’ve invited the entire marching band to dinner You can’t put one on the upper oven shelf and one on the bottom to save time

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Promising people homemade pizza, and then not delivering, can result in riots, injury, and other similarly gruesome fates

On the other hand, once you’ve learned to do this your loved ones will nominate you for sainthood, while you’ll also discover the secret to world domination, should you be so inclined

Enjoy!

Sequence of Events

Mix and knead the dough Set it aside to rise for 1 hour

While the dough’s rising, throw together some marinara sauce, and simmer it for about 30 minutes—recipe to be found within the chicken parmesan chapter.

Simultaneously pre-cook any sausage, ground-beef, or chicken toppings, and then let them cool down before using

Shred cheese

Wash and cut up vegetables for topping or green salad.

Shape the crust and add the toppings

Bake the pizza and dress the salad

stir it in, but instead just let it sink down to the bottom where it’ll be enlivened from its dry and dormant state by the warm water and begin to eat the sugar In about 10 minutes gas released by its rapid growth will send foamy clumps rising to the surface: a blessed event called proving the yeast to be sure it hasn’t expired, and a pretty neat show When

bread rises this gas is trapped in the elastic framework created by the fibrous gluten of the dough, as though inflating an edible balloon.

Stir in the salt and 1½ cups flour with a fork, spoon, or a heavy-duty mixer’s

dough hook until it all appears smooth and slightly elastic

Gradually add flour until the dough forms a cohesive ball, reserving the rest for

kneading and rolling

Knead the dough on a floured surface for about 10 minutes until it no longer

wants to stick to your hands—a technique described for the uninitiated in the middle of the French bread recipe, itself to be found back in the chili chapter

Let it rise in the bowl in a warm place until it’s doubled in size; while the classic

test for true readiness is to gently push two fingers into the dough, and if it doesn’t spring back into shape, it's ready However, beginners should remember that those who might be delayed—due, perhaps, to aliens landing on the lawn— can still knead even dough that now resembles an erupting volcano back into the unintimidating ball they left behind

Toppings Sausage or Ground-Beef

*

Quantities obviously depend on how many different things you picture on your

pizza, but if choosing only one of these ingredients, you’ll need around ½ pound.

Fry it up over medium-low heat—breaking up all the clumps—until it just turns color You don’t want it too well done, because it’ll be finishing up in the oven.

* Chicken

* Once again, expect to use about ½ pound.

Shred it thin, heat about a tablespoon of olive oil in a small frying pan, and fry your poultry until it just turns color.

stir-*

Of course during the rising period you also need to prepare any other toppings you plan on using: shredded cheese or cheeses, ¼ pound of thin pepperoni, or

maybe just a lot of freshly sliced veggies.

And should you choose to use fresh tomatoes instead of sauce, I recommend that you add a sprinkling of salt and red pepper, along with a few seasonings Basil,

oregano, and thyme are the fresh—and therefore the first—choices available to me; and

while playing around with various combinations, please remember that too little is

frequently better than too much.

Almost anything goes of course This is pizza-making: one of the best opportunities

in the culinary arts for radical expression of the individual taste

Yes, think of that slab of dough as a canvas, waiting for you own very special

inspiration to turn it into the truly sophisticated experience you so crave

While in terms of cheese—which is also a matter of taste—a pound of

mozzarella will usually do one pizza, and then one can sprinkle something stronger like Romano, Parmesan, or even Feta over the top.

Occasionally I’ll mix some cheddar in there, and those with plenty of disposable income should feel free to go with any more exotic mixture you care to imagine For instance, the girl with the purple hair at the deli really seems to like goat cheese, while others might enjoy a few blobs of ricotta here and there—especially inside a calzone.For that matter, some people skip the sauce and toppings entirely and call the end

result cheesy bread, which you see pictured below, and which participated in a New Year’s appetizer party that also featured the chicken nuggets located within the chicken parmesan chapter, along with a the green salad with ranch dressing to be found

elsewhere in this book, alongside the shrimp cocktail.

However, I can’t tell you how much of any of the toppings to use because it obviously depends on how many things you choose to combine and your individual taste Just remember: don't load a pizza too heavily If you do, not only will you be

unable to pick it up, but the crust may not be done properly in the center either

Getting it Together Make a fist and punch down into the center of the dough to deflate it Turn it back out onto your floured surface, and then knead as much air out of it as possible Let it rest for about 5 minutes to relax the fibers for easier shaping while you

prepare the pan

Coat a round or rectangular baking sheet lightly with shortening or line it with parchment paper, which is highly recommended not only for ease of clean-up and fat

elimination, but also because the crust will bake up more evenly unless you’re using the most pristine of pans

Roll the dough out to about ½ inch thickness with a rolling pin on a lightly floured

surface—turning it over at least once during the process to stretch it properly—and try not to care if your circle or rectangle isn’t perfect Believe me, nobody will be looking at

it for long

However, don’t despair if you don’t own a rolling pin, but you won’t be able to use parchment paper unless you have the patience of Job, because you must instead just press your hand-flattened dough into a shortening-coated pan with your fingertips, while being careful not to tear it—a fairly tedious process that’ll still give tasty and interesting results with all the little hills and valleys in the finished crust, but also one that’s pretty tough to pull off on paper

Sorry, but I can't tell you how professionals throw the thing into the air I’ve tried it a few times, and it’s never been pretty

Transfer the dough to your prepared baking sheet and cover it with Marinara Sauce to within about ½ inch of the edge You need to leave this margin uncovered so

that it’ll rise a little higher to keep the toppings from spilling over during baking If you're using a sheet that doesn’t have raised sides—or if you love a thick crust to grab on to—you should deliberately work the dough into a higher edge

Layer on the shredded cheese, followed by the rest of the toppings.

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees for 10 minutes.

Bake for about 20 minutes in the center of the oven

Calzones

Well of course, in terms of crowd-pleasing, one of the fun things about serving calzones is that they can be—like the people destined to eat them—as individual as snowflakes, since whatever can go on top of a pizza can also go inside a calzone—with one significant difference: all meats and veggies must be precooked This means that even pepperoni should be briefly fried, while veggies should be similarly treated in a pan thinly coated with olive oil or briefly steamed—a technique described for the uninitiated

back in the green beans section of the chicken with peaches chapter.

*

First, divide your dough into 4 pieces—kneading each into a tidy ball.

One at a time, roll each into a circle about 8 to 10 inches in diameter and

proceed as follows:

Spread ¼ of your toppings—mixed together, without the sauce—over half of the dough in semi-circular fashion.

Fold over the other half to cover, pinch the edges of those semi-circles together

to seal them, and poke a small hole in the top of your calzone to let the steam escape Bake as for pizza—about 20 minutes, at 425 degrees.

After they come out of the oven, my husband and I like ours with the sauce on top, while I then always crave a slightly sinful amount of grated Romano or Parmesan cheese for enhancement

On the other hand, my daughter likes her pepperoni and mushroom calzone with the sauce in a bowl on the side for dippin’, while my son prefers above all the following cheesy chicken filling, with absolutely no sauce at all

*

½ pound boneless chicken, shredded

2 tbs olive oil

1 tbs minced garlic 1teaspoon dried oregano = 1 tablespoon fresh oregano, chopped

a pinch of salt, and a generous grinding of black pepper

2 cups = 1 pint ricotta cheese

1 pound shredded mozzarella cheese

* Heat the oil in a small pan over high heat.

Add the garlic, and when it sizzles fry the chicken until it looses color Stir in oregano, salt, and pepper right before the end.

Turn this mixture into a bowl and let it cool down for about 10 minutes before you mix in the cheeses.

Pizza Rolls

Once in a while I mix the shredded cheese together with the precooked topping, throw in teaspoon or so of oregano, and distribute this mixture by ½ cupfuls onto eggroll skins—wrapping and frying them up in the same manner as I’m about to fry actual eggrolls in the next chapter; so I now refer you there for further instruction in

technique

We generally prefer to dunk them into the marinara sauce to be found in the chicken parmesan chapter , which sits on the plate in a small bowl next to a salad; but when I

want them to go over big as finger-food at a party, I instead throw a large can of tomato paste right into the cheese mixture to supply the expected flavor, along with a teaspoon of dried basil, and maybe some diced and fried onion, peppers, and/or mushrooms—should salad also seem inappropriate

Chapter Eight Shrimp Eggrolls with Fried Rice or Ramen Noodles

These popular appetizers become dinner in our house when placed on a plate next to

a pile of fried rice—or just some simple, yet tasty ramen noodles: a truly inexpensive item that even a monkey could cook, which can now be found in the form of little square packets in the soup section of almost every groceteria on the planet

Yes, this meal really satisfies while sitting in front of a movie or in the company of a good book; and because no diversion at all is needed when in the company of a good

friend, quantities here are for two.

I myself first discovered these yummy delights while living in a dormitory, loosing weight rapidly in light of the fact that—having found fish bones in my lasagna—I could

no longer walk into the campus cafeteria However, the proprietors of the restaurant down the street had long ago figured out that they could show up on campus at midnight and easily unload the day’s leftovers, where ravenous hordes of young people like myself were anxiously waiting to hand their precious pocket change over to the eggroll man

Ah, memories!

Now I’m going to give you a recipe for sweet-and-sour sauce, but I have to admit that I usually buy something more exotic if I can afford it—violating both my intention to keep everything in this book dirt cheap whenever possible, and also that of using

ingredients still readily available outside the average American hive However, I love this meal, so I put it in here anyway, and if you can’t find eggroll wrappers and plum sauce—sometimes also known as duck sauce—I apologize I also buy hot mustard when in the mood, but if you’re in a pinch, you can make a simple version by mixing powdered mustard with water to your desired consistency

Also, I’m bending the theme of my book here a bit because the eggrolls require a bit more than simian skill, and the results really depend on how good you are with a knife Success here requires the celery in particular to be shredded as thinly as possible, and it’s worth taking the time to learn to do it if you’re a beginner because your food processor can’t really do it for you A skilled oriental chef can slice a mushroom no bigger than a marble into seventy-two slices—using a meat cleaver the size of a fire-axe, while

standing on his head—and with only several years of practice you can surely do the same,

so what’re you worried about?

However, don’t let me make you overly concerned As long as everything’s

reasonably thin, your filling will surely come together enough to be rolled up and

produce that yummy taste—theoretically so well worth the trouble The point of getting everything so thin is to eliminate lumps that might poke a hole in the wrapper, while making a more compact filling that helps the finished product hold together when you bite into it

So anyway, presuming that you’re fairly adept, this meal will take you about two hours start to finish Plus, the filling can be held in the refrigerator after stir-frying for a couple of hours, should you care to do the messiest and most tedious part ahead of time

If you like, you can even fry up the eggrolls before your guest shows up and keep them warm in a slow oven for few minutes without too much loss of their endearing crispiness Then all you have to do at the last minute is cook the ramen, although I

remind you that for the best results with delicate oriental cooking, keep going on

schedule and serve immediately—if not sooner

Sequence of Events

Stir-fry the filling, and cool it down for about 30 minutes

Make the sweet-and-sour sauce and let it cool down to room temperature

Roll the eggrolls and prepare to fry

Stir up the fried rice and/or ramen, before you finish up the eggrolls and then keep

both warm, covered, over lowest heat

Fry the eggrolls, and if necessary, you can also hold them for a short while in a slow oven, but they won’t be quite the same

Basic Sweet-and-Sour Sauce

*

¾ cup water

¼ cup sugar, white or brown

¼ cup cider vinegar

Bring the ¾ cup water to a boil in a small, covered saucepan over medium heat Stir in the sugar until it dissolves and return to the boil.

Stir in the vinegar, and once again return to the boil.

Mix together the cornstarch, soy sauce, and 2 tablespoons water to form a smooth paste.

Add this paste to the boiling mixture—stirring constantly, as it will thicken rapidly.

Cool it down to room temperature before serving.

It’s a moment of yin-yang, sweet-and-sour perfection achieved!

Shrimp Eggrolls

Buy small shrimp for this because not only are they less expensive, they’re actually more suited to the recipe Also, it’s fine if the bean sprouts come from a can, in which case you won’t need to scald them, just be sure to drain them dry

Helpful tip: this careful elimination of excess moisture is one key to success

whenever stir-frying—and perhaps most especially here, where the filling should be kept

as dry as possible throughout the whole process, so be sure to wash and dry all your veggies well before moving on to the shredding and slicing Don’t forget to squeeze those spongy mushrooms, and in this case you should even forcefully roll the celery in a paper towel after shredding it for maximum results

3 cups celery, shredded very thin, and then cut into 2-inch pieces

1 cup mushrooms, thinly sliced

1 pound bean sprouts

6 tablespoons peanut, canola, or vegetable oil

½ teaspoon sugar

¼ teaspoon salt pre-packaged eggroll wrappers more oil for frying, the amount depending upon your pan

*

The sherry can be cooking sherry off the groceteria shelf or something more

authentic, as your budget and resources allow; and if you can’t justify the expense, just leave it out and your food will hardly suffer at all except in terms of exotic flavor