Your baby TruePDF march april 2019

While I don’t know what the future will hold when I head back to work in three months’ time and have to start pumping to maintain my supply, this experience has taught me to persevere an

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ISSUE 239 MARCH & APRIL 2019

R40.50 (VAT incl.) N$40.50 (Namibia)

POINT PLAN FOR FUSSY EATERS

RESILIENT

HOLIDAY FUN!

PREPARE YOUR TOT FOR YOUR NEW BABY

HOW TO CHILD

MODEL?

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 3

C O N T E N T S YB

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MARCH & APRIL 2019

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER Christine de Jager from Uit Die Hart Fotografie in Rustenburg

C: 076 482 3485 | E: christine.dejager@yahoo.com

CLOTHING Overalls, R249 – R449 from Keedo

CONTENTS Gallo Images/Getty Images; Supplied

FEATURES

16 Free fun this Easter

18 Lights, camera, action!

22 Eight reasons routine is important

26 Off to sleep

30 Intimacy after birth

34 How to raise a resilient child

62 Fish fit for a king

68 Time for a cup?

74 Toddler Q&A

76 Crafty Easter

84 Babies of the heart

LIFESTYLE

44

66

18

Our adorable cover model Zimi Ashley-Zibele Junior Mbanga, was nine months old when this picture was taken

You could see your little one on

Your Baby Magazine’s cover!

Send an up-to-date photo to coverbaby2019@yourbaby.co.za to

enter Your Baby Magazine’s Cover

Baby Competition! See page 32 for more details

morning on a beach full of

amazing boulders The beach

was packed with big family

groups – from those born in

2019 to those born closer to 1919!

While I was sunning myself on a

rock, I noticed something strange

None of the little children were

playing on the rocks In fact, none

of the teenagers were playing on

the rocks either And it wasn’t

that they were trying to climb,

with parents preventing them…

They weren’t even trying The

smaller children played in the

sand and shallow water, and the

teens lolled under umbrellas,

phone in hand

I found it a sad sign of our

times and a clear result of the fact

that children have become more

cautious and sedentary than any

previous generation The only

people climbing rocks that day

were middle-aged adults like

me! We were probably the last

generation to spend pretty much

our entire childhood with grazed

knees and elbows because of all the climbing and bike-riding and falls that were just a normal part

of childhood Those rocks would have represented an irresistible adventure to me if I’d gone to that beach as a child That’s probably why I found myself nodding in agreement through our whole article on raising

a resilient child, page 34

The message is clear: let go

a little, and let your child explore, let your child struggle, and, yes, let your child fall – and fail

Not only does it make them physically stronger, it builds character too!

Enjoy the holidays, stay safe and stay active!

Till next month,

Editor-in-chief Helen Schưer (editor@yourbaby.co.za)

Deputy Editor Pearl Rantsekeng

Art Director Denise Khoele

Lifestyle & Shopping Editor Elaine Schoeman

Digital Editor Sophia Swanepoel

MARKETING Marketing Executive Zoë Smith zoe@pinpoint.co.za

NATIONAL ADVERTISING

Pinpoint: Zoë Smith: zoe@pinpoint.co.za,

082 457 6984Brigitte Kolver: brigitte@pinpoint.co.za,

Samantha Toweel-Moore

PUBLISHING Publisher Nikki Rüttimann

Circulation Manager Adele Minnaar 011 713 9440

Product Manager Janine Snyman 011 713 9918

General Enquiries (Cape Town)Anita Grindlay-Whieldon 021 408 1278

Office Manager Maphuti Mongatane 011 713 9961

CORPORATE

Published by Media24, 19th Floor, ABSA Building, 4 Adderley Street, Cape Town, 8000

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Printed by CTP printers and distributed by On the Dot Copyright Media24 All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system

or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the prior permission in writing from the publisher While reasonable precautions have been taken

to ensure the accuracy of advice and information given to readers, the editor, proprietors and publishers cannot accept responsibility for any damages or inconvenience that may arise therefrom Your Baby has the right to make alterations to any material submitted, and cannot be held responsible for the loss of or damage to any material submitted for publication All prices quoted were correct at the time of going to press, and may vary from shop to shop This publication is a member

of the Publisher Research Council All our reader research conforms to best practice Our sample and survey results are audited by global experts to ensure that they provide advertisers with an accurate representation of our readers.

FROM THE EDITOR

HELEN SCHƯER

WIN a professional baby photoshoot worth R7500!

Plus, your baby could feature in this magazine!

As the Happy Baby Company, it’s our mission to spread happiness across the land

So help us make South Africa smile by sharing a photo of your happy baby at

www.cuddlers.co.za and you could be a winner! T’s & C’s Apply

#GrowingOurSmiles

SCAN HERE TO ENTER

LETTERS Share your stories and connect

with moms Send your comments

to letters@yourbaby.co.za

MY DRAMATIC PREGNANCY – WITH A HAPPY ENDING

In November 2017 I went to a gynaecologist, as I suffer from severe period pains, and it was discovered that I had cysts on both my tubes

I had to do an emergency surgery

to remove the cysts

I was 30 at the time, and my doctor said having cysts at this age could mean that I’d have trouble conceiving, or perhaps never even have children

I shared the news with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband) and my mom, who told

me that she had been worried for a while that I hadn’t had a child by my age yet

My boyfriend, who’s always wanted us to have a baby, suggested

we try He was so excited He’d always wanted to be a father I was the one who kept saying I wasn’t ready But we started trying

He was the one who first bought

Your Baby – I was not even pregnant yet! – so I could prepare myself

I must say, the magazine turned out to be very helpful I learnt a lot and even got to know there is an illness called colic

In March last year I discovered I was pregnant, and in October, at 38 weeks, I was rushed to hospital

My doctor told me that I was

in labour I ended up having an emergency caesarean, as my baby was getting tired

I’ve never been so scared in my life When I couldn’t feel my legs, due to anaesthesia, I started crying, thinking I was paralysed

The doctors tried to calm me down, but they failed

My boyfriend came into the room, calmed me down – and even managed to do the breathing technique with me In no time, there

he was, a healthy baby boy we named Leago – which means to build up

I am so thrilled I have my bundle

of joy at home with me I’m so grateful that I was introduced to your magazine early in my pregnancy It has been of great help I don’t know if

I would have managed on my own

DIPUO MOSHAKGA, CLAYVILLE 

BREASTFEEDING

IS COMPLEX

As a new mom I was determined to

breastfeed my baby come hell or

high water

From what I’d read online, the struggle

most breastfeeding moms faced was that

of having low milk supply So, in order

to make sure I didn’t have the same

problem, I got myself ready to boost my

milk supply should the need arise Before

the baby arrived, I had bought all the

ingredients for jungle juice as well as for

lactation cookies – I was prepared! 

To my surprise, I had nothing to worry

about From day one I did not just have

milk, I had bucket loads of it While

I was extremely grateful that this was

the case, it was not without its own

challenges – rock-hard, painful breasts,

endless expressing of milk in the middle

of the night to release pressure, as well

as the baby struggling to latch due to full

breasts A strong let-down, which meant

lots of spit-ups and leakage Why

didn’t anyone speak about this online? 

I feel that what new moms need

to know is that your breastfeeding

experience is as unique as your own

body It is complex and wonderful, easy

some days and hard on others

But, whatever your challenges, don’t

give up if this is something that you

really want to do Know that there is

help available! We saw a wonderful

lactation consultant while we were still in

hospital, and that really helped me get

the latch right as well as make the most

of my milk supply. 

While I don’t know what the future will

hold when I head back to work in three

months’ time and have to start pumping

to maintain my supply, this experience

has taught me to persevere and take

these challenges in my stride, while

enjoying the hours spent breastfeeding

as a chance to bond with my little one. 

KRISTIN LOUW, JOHANNESBURG

A R750 BABY CITY GIFT VOUCHER GOES TO

THE BEST LETTER EACH MONTH SO SHARE

YOUR VIEWS ON PARENTING, AND YOUR

STORY COULD MAKE YOU A WINNER!

WINNING

I recently gave birth to my fourth bundle of joy six years after getting a job

as an early-childhood educator

Despite my life being hectic, I am enjoying the presence of little angels around me The fact that my life is

a roller coaster makes it worth living

I was excited and yet nervous when

I got the news that I was pregnant with baby number four But I am enjoying every experience and all the challenges that come with having a new baby

My experience this time around has been a lot different from the previous three births, as my baby was born with clubfoot I was scared I was not educated on the condition before, and most people around me also had no clue what it is So I felt like I was all alone But just having you read and publish our letters gives “supermom hope” to all of us Let’s stay beautiful with our stretchmarks, let’s stay strong with our kind advice and never stop believing and trusting in God and his word

LUCILLE JOHNSON, DURBAN

THANK YOU FOR JOURNEYING WITH OUR FAMILY

My eldest daughter, Ashleigh, just turned 16 this year She’s older sister to Sarah-Leigh, who’s now 11 years old When I was expecting Sarah, we all hoped she was going to be a boy

On none of the scans did she ever reveal whether she’s a boy or a girl When Sarah was finally born and

we came home to Ash, who was with grandma, she said the cutest thing to her baby sister when she held her for the first time: “Daddy told me that you’re

a girl, but we wanted a boy, but it’s okay that you’re a girl You can stay.”

Sarah tells everyone she wonders

if we would’ve given her back if Ash didn’t give permission for her to stay.She says she would’ve been a

“homeless baby”

We constantly reassure her that it was never up to her sister whether she could stay or not

We also tell her that we were blessed with a healthy addition to our family, and that’s all we should’ve asked for in the first place

Your Baby magazine was a real help

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 7

In an interview with Vogue last

year, the megastar opened up about motherhood, revealing that her sincerest wish for her children is that they grow up empowered and free to be themselves She’s starting with the simplest way young ones experience stereotypes: their gender. 

“As the mother of two girls, it’s important to me that they see themselves as CEOs, as bosses, and that they know they can write the script for their own lives – that they can speak their minds and they have

no ceiling.”

The Carters aren’t the only celeb parents who have chosen to keep gender stereotypes out of their home Here are some others:

ZOE SALDANA AND MARCO PEREGO-SALDANAHer husband has taken her name,

so it’s no surprise that the Saldanas have opted to keep things gender-

neutral The Guardians Of The Galaxy

star is mom to three boys: twins Cy and Bowie, and Zen “I get to do a lot of male things, which is, I don’t know, put a TV together, fix things that break,” Zoe has said “We’re sort

of a very gender-fluid household

I think it’s important to raise boys in that environment and girls as well.”

WILL AND JADA PINKETT SMITHThe celeb parents have always been vocal about making sure their children reach for their dreams, no matter how unorthodox they may

be The power couple are parents

to Trey, Jaden and Willow “We encourage our kids to experiment and seek who they are more than who we want them to be,” Will Smith has been quoted as saying  

FACEBOOK

COMMENTS

What’s your family-gathering

protocol when it comes to the kids

and less-familiar family members?

Do you think forced affection is

okay, or do you allow your child

to choose?

Teri Ferreira “It’s my daughter’s

body, and I’m teaching her consent,

so she never has to hug or kiss

anyone if she doesn’t want to

She must greet people and be

polite though I get a lot of grief from

older relatives They either do the

guilt trip, or they laugh in my face

at how ridiculous I’m being I don’t

care It’s important my daughter

knows that she doesn’t have to do

anything with her body out of guilt,

obligation or pressure.”

Nonkululeko Pertunia Ndlovu

“I allow my kid to choose.”

Sarah Dan Steenson “My boy

decides for himself Also, I think if he

barely knows them, I would stop him

cuddling them anyway.”

Jason Carrie Helmholt “We don’t

force our boys to do it If they do,

they do; if they don’t, they don’t But

I do wish they would.”

when Ashleigh was a baby, because

I was only 19 years old when I had her

And we continued to read the magazine

even while I was expecting Sarah

It was of such great help, especially

when it came to deciding on new baby

products to buy

We also entered a few competitions

through the magazine and won a few

hampers I’d recommend the magazine

to any expecting parent and family with

pre-school kids

Thank you for journeying with my

daughters and me during the formative

years of their lives

DENISE BARNES, KUILS RIVER,

CAPE TOWN

WHY GENDER STEREOTYPES ARE A NO-GO ZONE IN BEYONCÉ’S HOUSE

Lesedi and Naledi Mosella, 10 days

Aimee, Ava and Aniya Saayman, 13 months old,

from Wynberg, Cape Town

Husseinat and Hussein Kaka, six

months old, from Zakariyya Park, south of

Johannesburg

Kelebone and Keleabetswe Ramafoko,

12 months old, from Soweto

Send a clear, good quality photo to us at littleangels@yourbaby.co.za

Baby

& Me

WIN AN OH SO HEAVENLY HAMPER VALUED AT R650

The Oh So Heavenly Mum and Cherub range, dermatologist-approved and tear-free, is lovingly created with the same caring ingredients you’ve come to expect from Oh

So Heavenly All products in the Mum and Cherub range are gentle on your skin as well

as the skin and hair of your bundle of joy

Lebogang and 10-day-old

Oresiametse Mobe, Pretoria

Jessica and 10-day-old Claire Faith Kruger, Benoni

Thabang and seven-month-old

Tokelo Nyalungu, Alexandra

Merle and four-month-old Raphael Friedman, Johannesburg

Busisiwe and 10-day-old Kopano

when you don’t drink

tomorrow

starts

buzz and trendy finds

Western Cape turophiles (that’s the fancy

term for cheese-lovers, btw), listen up!

The National Cheese Festival is on in

Sandringham outside Stellenbosch the

weekend after Easter, from Friday 26

to Sunday 28 April The main focus is

cheese, obviously, and a really wide

variety of the stuff But you can also expect

all the good things to go with the cheese:

pomegranates, olives, herbs, mushrooms,

nuts, honey and indigenous tea Plus there will be (live) music to eat cheese

by and activities (and supervision!) for the little ones Plus daily cheese-carving competitions, which should be fun to watch if nothing else Get tickets from Computicket and Shoprite/Checkers at R180 for adults, R120 for seniors and R20 for children from two to 13 years See cheesefestival.co.za for more

It’s always good to remind ourselves of the dangers of alcohol – and especially

of drinking while you’re pregnant If you do, your unborn baby is at risk of developing foetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), “the leading cause of preventable birth defects and developmental disabilities in children around the world”, according to aware.org, the website of the local Association for Alcohol Responsibility and Education FAS is more common than spina bifida, autism and Down syndrome combined South Africa is said to have the highest rate of FAS disorders in the world Go to the website, and read about FAS – even

if you think you know all the dangers, a reminder is good And consider taking the pledge, symbolised by the reef knot above, to stay away from the bottle

PREGNANT? THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK ADOPT A COT AND SAVE A BABY

Here’s a really easy way to do some

good for babies in need For just R100

a month, you can sponsor a cot (or

more, up to 10 per person) at the TLC

Children’s Home in Joburg’s Kibler

Park Founded almost 30 years

ago, this child care centre is one of

the country’s best Your R100 goes

towards caring for your sponsored

baby’s needs, including formula,

nappies, clothes, food, medicine and “anything else they might need to thrive as happy, healthy little people”, according to the TLC website Fill out a form that’s available on the TLC website (tlc.org

za/adopt-a-cot), and you can either

do an electronic fund transfer or

a direct deposit We say, sommer set

up that repeat payment for a year

DADS NOW GET PAID PATERNITY LEAVE

Thanks to some new legislation – the Labour Relations and Labour Amendment acts, to be precise – recently signed into force, new dads can now take up to 10 consecutive days paid parental leave And

it doesn’t matter if children are biological, fostered or adopted – if you’re a dad, you get the leave The laws have come about specifically to allow for more bonding time between fathers and children, and for dads to hopefully be more involved

in their kids’ lives from the get-go “The bill responds to the current and changing socio-economic conditions that are prevalent in the country,” explained Lemias Mashile from the national Department of Labour He also said the new laws will help narrow the child-care gap between moms and dads and contribute to a more equal domestic situation, where both genders can be seen as main caregivers

Meet Hunadi, a little girl with “big

hair and even bigger dreams”

who’s new on the market And

it’s about time, we say, as up

to now black dolls have really

been pretty absent from local

toy shelves Sassy Hunadi was

modelled on a real girl from

Limpopo, says Afro Girl founder

Stacey Rethman, and she

really rocks her pink and green

reversible shwe-shwe dress,

handmade beads and bracelets

and leather sandals Keen to

know her story? Well, press her tummy, and she’ll tell you all about herself… in your own language

That’s right, Hunadi, which means blessing, speaks no fewer than four of our official languages:

SeSotho, IsiZulu, IsiXhosa and English You can buy her directly from afrogirl.co.za (free delivery)

or from takealot.com At R850, Hunadi’s probably a gift for a bigger occasion like a birthday

But it’s worth it just to hear her say, “Igama lam ngu Hunadi.”

Say cheese!

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 11

Absolutely crazy about crochet? Then you’re sure to love the community-based project Ukuthunga Handmade

It’s a group of about 25 women spread out across Mpumalanga – some are in small rural places like Mpakeni and Msholozi, others in Sabie and White River – and they handcraft the most beautiful of crochet things

Including all kinds of stuffed animals and baby blankets But there are also more adult things: plant baskets and other storage solutions, rugs, shopping bags and doorstops

They also welcome bespoke orders – such as party favours for weddings and birthdays as well

as corporate gifts

A crochet mouse like one in the pic will certainly take the party-pack game to a whole new level

Best place to follow them is on Facebook (@Ukuthunga) Here you get to meet the women behind the project – like Tinah Moyane, whose speciality is cute stuffed crochet lions – and also see the trials and tribulations of a small non-profit organisation in Mzansi

Their Facebook page is also where you’ll find contact details of the organisers and find out where you can buy; they supply their local craft markets and select stores in some of the bigger towns in Mpumalanga

Gardens are great for children

And important too, as this is where they learn about nature, the cycle

of life and death – and have the opportunity to get down and dirty

If you’re needing some inspo to get yours going or spruce up an

existing patch, get a copy of Garden

Style: Creating Beautiful Gardens in South Africa by Melanie Walker The advice is local, and there’s something for everyone – whether you have a tiny urban courtyard or

a giant rural plot The book retails for R340 from bookstores, bidorbuy.co.za, loot.co.za and takealot.com

GET YOUR GREEN FINGERS GOING

One of the items you

absolutely need to get when

you have kids is a car seat

It’s not an optional extra or

a nice to have – it’s a

necessity, for the sake of

their safety

But we all know that car

seats certainly don’t come

cheap Which is why it’s

really heartening to see a

new social-responsibility

drive from second-hand

car dealers InspectaCar

The company is collecting

second-hand car seats and

getting them to parents

who’re in need of one (or

more!) but don’t have the

cash to buy new

You can easily get

involved by dropping off

your second-hand seat/s at

your nearest InspectaCar

branch (find it at inspectacar

co.za) It’s totally the kind

of thing that can be passed

on, and it’s nice to know that it’s going to a family in need and keeping another precious little one safe

Car seats and safety belts are the most effective devices

to prevent serious injuries – and deaths – in car crashes

Studies have revealed that age and weight-appropriate car seats reduce the risk of death during a passenger-vehicle crash to infants (under a year) by 71 percent and to toddlers (aged 1 to

4 years) by 54 percent

When compared to seat belts only, booster seats reduce the risk for serious injury by 45 percent for children aged 4 to 8 years

InspectaCar wants

your old car seat now

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High Chair

• Ages: 2 years + (up to 10 kg)

• Large flip-over food tray

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• Non-slip foot grips

• Available at selected stores

1) Camp Cot with Change Table

• Ages: 0 months + (up to 6 kg)

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22

2 1

3 1

Elaine Schoeman found the best bunnies to buy – and more

Easter!

Navy velour three-piece and shaggy

peach three-piece R159,95 each

Ackermans

Easter Bunny mask

R19,99 The

Crazy Store

Bunny serviette holders R35 for four

Miss Magpie at hellopretty.co.za

Hand-embroidered bunnies

R165 each

mayalief.co.za

Praliné Eggs; Cadbury

Egg ‘n’ Spoon POR

Le Creuset egg cups

R999 for six yuppiechef.com

Plush bunny 14cm

R49,99 The Crazy Store

Easter Bunny hood R49,99

each The Crazy Store

Easter Bunny mismatch studs R90

Turkey Dimple at hellopretty.co.za

Cémoi very smooth

marshmallows POR

Woolworths

S H O P P I N G YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 15

Crochet soft toys R110 each

facebook.com/Ukuthunga/

FOR

A GOOD CAUSE

Miss Magpie at hellopretty.com

Club Petz Betsy

R599,90

Toys R Us

Lindt Gold Bunny Minis and Lindor

Eggs & Lindt Chocolate Bunny

POR Woolworths

Drawstring bag

R70 Polkadot Box

at hellopretty.co.zaHatchimals Glittering Gardens Twins

with sound egg R399,90 for two

POR Woolworths

Bunny bibs

R79,99 for three

Mr Price Home

Custom Easter chick

onesie R100 Polkadot

Box at hellopretty.co.za

YBF E A T U R E S

Money too tight to mention? Don’t worry, done properly,

a staycation can be as life-changing and inspirational as an

upscale holiday, writes Margot Bertelsmann

NOT EVERY HOLIDAY has to be on

an exotic beach-front to be memorable

Implement these 10 mostly free activities

into every day of your Easter holiday,

and you’ll see the benefits in your stress

levels and general life satisfaction as well

as your relationships with your children

We promise!

There comes that cranky part of

every holiday where you’re all cross

with each other – crammed together at

home, among the mess, clutter, unmade

beds and dirty dishes You’re resentful,

thinking, “I took leave from work, so my

kids can lie about at home like indulged

kings?” Nip that nonsense in the bud!

Every child, even the younger ones, is

capable of learning to help clean up after

themselves Get into a routine where the

day’s screen time (for instance) doesn’t

start until the chores are done Making beds, packing the dishwasher, feeding pets and wiping surfaces or dusting are chores even the under-three crowd can start learning Work first, play later You’ll all feel better

Take a day and focus on one child’s room Take everything – yes, we mean everything – out of shelves, under beds, out of cupboards and boxes Ignore the mess for now Meander through

it, playing with long-forgotten toys, replacing batteries or repairing broken ones Discard toys that your children have outgrown to pass on to others Throw away unsalvageable items Repack At the end of the day, you will have had a wonderful time consisting of a little hard work, a lot of play, some reminiscing, and some good deeds in your regifting

Free fun this

Holidays are “time off”, so nobody is suggesting you do homework with your children But it’s been proven that the best thing you can do for their school marks is read to them every day And – bonus – it’s fun! And if you join your local library and walk there together, it’s also free You could also come to an agreement with your school to borrow more books than usual over the holidays, or download (and print, or read on screen) any of 100 original South African stories for under-fives completely for free on the Book Dash app in Google Play (Android only, for now)

4 MOVE

Half an hour of exercise a day, every day That’s what doctors recommend to gain disproportionate health benefits such as combating depression and osteoporosis (for parents) and obesity (for children) It’s great for your heart and will help you live longer, and be happier, so you can be a better parent

So whether it’s half an hour of kicking

a soccer ball around, taking a class together or that walk to the library we mentioned, get your 30 minutes in a day Don’t “just” slob around You’ll all have a happier holiday

So on that “healthy living” note… Holidays do not have to be a junk food festival There is such pleasure to be had

in teaching your children to cook family and traditional favourites You have to eat every day, so you may as well use it

as an opportunity to spend time together passing on cultural capital For adventurous cooks, try something that extends you both – such as experimenting with making sushi, or baking a rainbow cake.

A lot of having a staycation is about savouring the moments and not rushing anything Unstructured time at home is so rare, so if you can, consciously try to enjoy it

So when it comes to the daily “must-dos”, such as bathtime, let the chore become the fun activity Let the kids stay in the bath as long as they like Holiday time is when you don’t have to be the monster disciplinarian, so surprise your children with your lesser-spotted fun side Squirt food colouring into their bath when they’re not expecting it Buy bubble blowers, and transform your bathroom into a bubble

wetroom Use a lot of bubble bath and shaving foam

Make crazy hairstyles It’s never too late to have a happy childhood

You may not have had money to go away this Easter, but you do have a home, a child, a job… The thing about starting to list the things for which you are grateful is that you keep remembering more things – which makes you feel even happier, in a virtuous cycle So keep a gratitude journal and spend just a few minutes writing (or typing) in it every day Result? A happy holiday

Attend a church service, or ask Christian friends to invite you to theirs, where you can learn more about this season of rebirth and celebration, and some of its odd traditions

Whether you’re Christian or not, have a traditional egg hunt, with real hard-boiled eggs that you have dyed

Easter-in water the old-school way Craft an Easter bunny Learn

to make Greek Easter biscuits or hot cross buns Here’s an idea – take a leaf from Hindus over Diwali and Muslims over Eid, and visit your neighbours to drop off Easter eggs Just nudge yourself out of that comfort zone and into the unfamiliar It’s always worth it YB

Lights, camera,

F E A T U R E S YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 19

THE MEDIA INDUSTRY will be in

business for as long as brands have products to sell and production companies have entertainment to churn out And while South Africa has strict laws and regulations on child labour,

as well as any form of employment, including modelling, that puts anyone under the age of 16 to work, the modelling industry is growing rapidly

There’s a need for child models, whose images are used to sell everything from baby food to clothes and toys There is also an increasing demand for child actors and presenters for children’s shows

Acting and modelling is great fun for kids, as they meet new people It boosts their confidence – and they can make money, says Natasha Brickman, owner

of Kids on Camera

Once your child gets a big break, the sky could be the limit Kids on Camera has placed talent on TV shows such as

Isibaya , Rhythm City, Binnelanders as well

as the movie Invictus, starring Morgan

Freeman and Matt Damon

Another local agency, Kingclip, is currently managing an 11-year-old actor who plays the role of a six-year-old on

a telenovela and has one child actor who has been invited to audition for a movie with Charlize Theron

Modelling can also be lucrative if the image of your child is widely used

“We had a child in a still-photography campaign for the banking sector that ran across Africa,” explains Liesl Biehn, managing director at GAPA Model Agency in Johannesburg “Another one flew to Malaysia, with a guardian,

to shoot a body-care product, and the usage was worldwide for two years, which ended up being a big contract.”

CHOOSING AN AGENT

Although it does sometimes happen that your child is discovered by a stroke of luck, the best way to get in is to actively look for a casting agent

But don’t just go for the first best agency – look for experience and accreditation The agency’s history, as

in the number of years it’s been in the business, as well as the work done and testimonials provided will make it clear what type of company you’re dealing with, advises Natasha, who’s been in the industry for the past 19 years

She says one of the dangers of working with an inexperienced agent or agency is that they will not be affiliated

to industry bodies “The agency needs

to be affiliated to bodies such as the National Association of Model Agencies and Personal Managers’ Association, which regulate the industry

MAKING CONTACT

Once you’ve decided on an agency or agent, you’ll send through images of your child “The pictures don’t have to

be shot professionally, as they’re only used to determine if the child can make

it or not,” explains Thabo Mfikwe,

a talent manager at Kingclip Casting Agency with 14 years of experience in the industry

“If we like what we see, you’ll be sent an appointment form and invited

to a professional studio photo shoot You need to submit the appointment form with a copy of your child’s birth certificate and their tax number for invoicing purposes.”

This is also when you get to pay

a registration fee, which can be anything between R500 and R1 000

“That fee is normally referred to as

a ‘commitment fee’ and is used to cover costs for things like photography and styling,” Thabo says “Be wary of any agency that tells you to pay thousands

of rands It’s usually a sign that they’re dodgy and probably make their money through high registration fees.”

He says as a parent, you shouldn’t

be afraid to ask questions such as how the agent or agency reached the figure they’ve quoted you A good agent, he adds, will explain how the industry works and be transparent about your child’s earnings

From the moment he first gets an email from a parent looking for an agent for their child, Thabo’s responsibility

is to that child “I have to protect the child’s best interest from and beyond the day of their audition In South Africa, anyone who wants to work with children younger than 16 years needs

to apply for a permit,” he explains This

is regardless of how long the child will

be on screen or how visible he or she is

“Or whether their image will be on a billboard, magazine or TV,” Thabo says

PROTECTING YOUR CHILD

Whether or not you want your child to become a model or actor, says Thabo, it’s important for every parent to know how

to protect their child from exploitation

“This can also even be digitally, for instance when your child’s picture is trending on social media or is being attached to brands and products

Getting your child into the

TV and modelling world

can be fun But, like all

jobs, there are rules and

regulations to be followed in

order to protect your child’s

image and financial interests,

writes Lerato Mogoatlhe

YBF E A T U R E S

without your authorisation or financial

compensation,” he says “In keeping

with laws around child labour and child

protection, no one should use a minor’s

image without going through the correct

channels, such as getting work permits

and your consent.”

The consent also applies to images

taken at school with the aim of being

used commercially

For modelling and acting, you first

need to sign an artist release form for

your child’s images to be used, and there

are rules and important information that

you need to know before this happens,

he says

“This is important today more than

ever what with social media making

direct contact easy through private

messages,” Thabo says

AUDITIONING

Once all the paperwork is in place,

and the agents like what they see, the

auditioning process can start

It could really build your child’s

confidence, Liesl says

“We find that the audition process

is an extremely positive experience

for the child and can be viewed as an

extra-mural activity, if nothing else,”

she explains “Most kids are, in fact,

satisfied with the experience and not too

concerned with the actual outcome.”

It’s very often the parents’

expectations that need to be managed,

she says As parents, we need to

be realistic, and this is easier if one

understands the industry dynamics,

Thabo says

“In South Africa, for example, castings

are not scheduled in advance,” he says

“It’s common to get a call for auditions

mere hours before an audition This

makes flexibility an important part of

looking for your child’s break

“One of the biggest challenges of

working with children is that, unlike

HELP YOUR CHILD TO GET AHEAD

According to Kids Inc Casting and Model Agency in Cape Town, your child needs to meet the following key requirements:

✓ They must be presentable with clean hair, nails and clothing Unless the brief says otherwise, your child should

be neatly dressed and wearing shoes

to the casting session

✓ They should be self-motivated and have energy and enthusiasm “There are countless wardrobe fittings and rehearsals, even over the weekends – warns Natasha Brickman, owner of Kids on Camera

✓ They should be willing to put some

of their own needs aside for the duration of a shoot Your child might have to miss out on some of their hobbies and events such as birthday parties

✓ They must respect the terms and conditions such as confidentiality They might be privy to information that’s not yet public

✓ They should speak well Even though your child doesn’t have to be

an English first-language speaker, they need to be familiar with the language

A FEW FACES YOU MIGHT RECOGNISE

From left: Samkelo Mkhumbeni, Sage Hlaodi, Nomfundo Dlamini and Chanleys Gracia-Nyapisi

adults, children change all the time

Your child might fit a certain brief when you come in for a photo shoot and

be the wrong fit a week later because they’ve grown.”

It also helps to be patient when auditions don’t go your way “The industry works with kids the same way

it does with adults,” Thabo says “You have to be persistent and keep going to auditions, because there’s a better chance that your child will get a break when casting directors know them, which can only happen if they go to auditions.”

“However, parents need to know that this industry is tough, and going to

castings can be taxing,” Natasha says.Both parent and child must want to

be auditioned

Remember, there’s a lot of competition out there You need to make your child aware of this and that – more than anything – they need to just be themselves They must have fun and do the best they can, keep going and never give up

Casting agents don’t accompany children to auditions, but a good agent will help you understand what to expect during this process and be available to support you and your child

It’s a good idea to call on the agent if there are forms to be signed during or after the audition

“I tell our talent that they should never sign anything at the audition,” Liesl says “We need to read all contracts first to ensure that they represent your and your child’s best interests

“Dodgy producers and casting directors sometimes try to make you sign release forms that allow them to keep using your child’s image without paying for it each time it is used.”

SHOOTING

Your child’s audition went well, and now it’s time for the final shoot What should you expect?

The law requires all sets with children

to have a child minder, but it will be best

to go along If the shoot is out of town

or the country, your expenses should be fully paid

“The local industry is well regulated, efficient and professional Kids are well looked after, given sufficient breaks on set, fed and treated well,” Liesl says.Ultimately, if you want your child

to work in the media industry, you need a casting agent who will use their experience to protect your child’s interest instead of using your inexperience to exploit your child YB

YBF E A T U R E S

EVERY DAY IS A steep learning curve

for children, as they’re exposed to

new things and situations With no

life experience, they tend to fear the

unknown This could either be a big life

change, like starting at a new daycare,

or a tiny hurdle, like being faced with a

new vegetable to try For our little people

these can all be stressful challenges

Routine, the practice of regularly

doing things in the same order, can

bring steadiness and security to their

lives There are the ones that give the

day a consistent rhythm – bedtime, bath

“Children need to learn to trust their world They need to know what to expect and what’s expected of them,”

says Durban-based child psychologist Lisa Fowler

Young children also need routine because they don’t have the reasoning skills to know what’s best for them, and they don’t understand consequences

For example, if they don’t go to bed on

time, they don’t understand they’ll be grumpy and tired the next day Here’s why routine can benefit both you and your child

ROUTINE CAN HELP CHILDREN SUCCEED

AT SCHOOL

Research conducted by The Prince’s Trust shows that children who don’t have a regular bedtime or mealtime achieve lower marks at school than those who have structure and direction in their lives So, what’s at play?

Children need – and

thrive on – some type

of routine It helps them

flourish both emotionally

and with their education,

writes Lori Cohen

F E A T U R E S YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 23

5 2

3

4

“Home is the prime environment in

which the child’s potential, motivation

and personality is shaped This is

where they will start to learn all the

skills they need to succeed at school,”

says Charlene McIntosh, another child

psychologist in Durban

By meeting the objectives given to

them by their parents, children learn

to enjoy mastering tasks and pleasing

their parents This leads to

self-confidence, curiosity and other healthy

attitudes, she says

Yup, a good home routine sets them

Routine, she says, literally helps the brain develop in positive ways “The brain needs both love and routine to grow and develop This is because

a child needs routine to feel safe,”

in their environment in a healthy way

If they feel unsafe, a lot of their energy

is channelled into making their world more predictable instead – and that’s not going into learning.”

IT TEACHES THEM DELAYED GRATIFICATION

Routine also helps children understand the difference between

“before and after”

“A young child’s brain is going through major changes, especially the part of the brain that’s able to plan ahead and make predictions about the future

So, a routine helps kids practise these simple predictions For example, ‘I know what’s coming next,’” Charlene says

Crucially, mastering this concept allows children to learn self-control For example, if they learn that they have to tidy their toys before they can go play outside, it helps them learn to delay gratification This is the ability to put off something mildly fun or pleasurable now, in order to gain something that is more fun, pleasurable or rewarding later

In our children’s worlds, which is all about instant gratification – Google for answers, YouTube for entertainment, and online shopping for anything they dream of – waiting for something in

a controlled way is a crucial life skill, Charlene says Again, she confirms that research has shown that children who are able to delay gratification do better at school than those who can’t

THEY’LL BE HEALTHIER ADULTS

Talking of “screen time”, getting our children moving is increasingly a challenge – which is why it’s so important to build consistent time into their day for them to be active This will keep them fighting fit but will also have lasting benefits

A team at the University of California conducted research that shows

that access to exercise in childhood increases the voluntary choice to do exercise in adulthood

IT SETS THEIR BODY CLOCKS

A regular bedtime routine – going to bed the same time every night and waking the same time every morning – is important to a child’s daytime functioning “Our bodies are programmed to do certain things throughout the day

For example, when the sun starts

to set, our bodies start to produce the hormone melatonin, which makes us sleepy So, having those regular points

in the day is important from a biological perspective,” Charlene says

Research published on the site ScienceDirect shows that children who have a two-hour difference in bedtime across the week are six times more likely

to display hyperactive behaviour It’s called “social jetlag” – the difference in sleep times affects your child’s circadian rhythm or “body clock” This is the daily cycle that tells our bodies when to sleep, wake and eat When your circadian rhythm is disrupted, sleeping and eating patterns can go out the window

ROUTINES REDUCE POWER STRUGGLES

If you’re following a routine,

a child knows what will happen next, but you can also use the structure to empower them with making decisions For example, you can let them choose a bedtime story or decide if they would like to bath before or after they’ve brushed their teeth Because they feel in control by being given simple choices, they’re less likely to throw a strop when you ask them to complete a task

Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

YBF E A T U R E S

HOW TO IMPLEMENT

A ROUTINE

It might feel like an

impossible task, but it’s

never too late to get started,

says child psychologist

Charlene McIntosh, who’s

based in Durban

✓ “Target one thing, such as

bedtime routine,” she says

Start to prepare your child

for the change “You can

explain that you’re going to

be trying something new as

the bedtime process you had

before isn’t working for the

family, and then give them

the new schedule.”

✓ She says it may help to

make the new routine visual

by making a chart showing

a bath, followed by them

getting into their pajamas,

then you reading a story

and lastly them sleeping

“Sometimes implementing

change can make a child

anxious, so you want to

make it as predictable as

possible,” she says

✓ You may need to adjust

the routine, but Charlene

says you should remain

patient and calm – and be

firm “Your child will need

time to adapt The brain is a

very habitual organ; it likes

to do the same thing all the

time It will take some time.”

As the parent, you become a partner

in that routine, rather than the person who’s telling the child to “do this”

and “not do this” When children feel empowered and independent, they’re less likely to rebel or retaliate

ROUTINES HELP CHILDREN COPE WITH TRANSITIONS

Switching from one activity

to the next can be challenging for some kids Routines help them practise the transitions that happen during the day

For example, switching from playtime

to nap time; or leaving the park to go home Being able to change activities without feeling stressed is a crucial skill for children in preparation for preschool

IT FOSTERS FAMILY BONDS

It’s a challenge to gather the family around the table for every meal, but Charlene recommends building at least one shared meal into your daily routine “Switch off the TV, sit at the table, and talk to each other,”

she says

This is the time to build your family bonds and speak to each other about your day

It’s not just about the feel-good factor There are many benefits

“It’s about connection, and we can’t learn and develop without links to other people If a child doesn’t have anyone regulating them, their brain is stressed So, they need that quality time

to help them be co-regulated,” she says.Your children will also learn how

to take turns in conversation, listen to others, wait for food to be served and help you clean up

These are all great social skills that will help them later on in school and life They’ll also lap up language and vocabulary Clever tot!

IT ESTABLISHES HEALTHY HABITS

Practice makes perfect From getting them dressed to brushing their teeth, routines help establish healthy habits, and they’ll learn to better manage their time As they grow older, they’ll have more self-discipline in terms of grooming and other habits

THE IMPORTANCE OF FLEXIBILITY

They say rules are made to be broken, and Charlene agrees that routines need to be flexible Spontaneity and creativity are important “They need to

be shown that it’s okay to deviate from

a task and come back to the routine because that’s what happens in life,” she says YB

Food is one of the most wonderful adventures your little one can go on.

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It’s why we created Squish purées, juices and ready-to-eat jellies with 100% fruit and veg

And no nasty colourants, artificial flavourants, starch, preservatives or gelatine Now also available in yoghurt This means your little one’s food adventures will be filled with the right stuff; and nothing else

Like to know more? squish.co.za | facebook.com/RhodesSquish

Additional info from Parents.com Images: Gallo Images/Getty Images

Off to

According to experts, there is no one answer: The

following are general guidelines just to reassure

you that, yep, your child is all right

Newborns: 10 to 18 hours – it's always naptime!

Newborns sleep in 2 to 4 hour chunks, waking

when they need to eat

3 months: 15 hours – 2 to 4 naps, of 30 minutes to

2 years: 10 to 13 hours – 1 nap, 1½ to 3 hours

Meet your toddler’s changing sleep needs with a sense of understanding

and some patience for a peaceful night’s shut-eye

BECAUSE YOUR TODDLER likes to test the

boundaries with her strong will and burgeoning

sense of independence, you may find that just

about everything becomes a battle of wills at this

stage – especially bedtime! Don’t let her bulldoze

you into staying up late or changing her sleep

routine; her body still needs its sleep

“Your toddler should have all the strategies in

place to be able to self-soothe and no longer needs

nutritional support at night,” says Meg Faure in her

book Sleep Sense, which she co-authored with Ann

Richardson

“She should sleep for a stretch of 11 to 12 hours

at night, but occasional nights of disruption are

normal at this stage More than half of all toddlers

wake up one night a week with a wet bed or a

nightmare, but on the whole, if she is comfortable,

your child should be able to self-soothe back to

sleep between sleep cycles.”

HOW MUCH SLEEP DOES SHE NEED?

Meg recommends a bedtime of between 6pm and

7pm for toddlers, adding that your toddler will

most likely wake up between 5am and 7am in the

morning

Although she's grown up quite a lot, your toddler

still needs a nap during the day

This should be for a period of one to three hours

and is best done in the middle of the day, so as not

to disturb her night-time sleep cycle

MONSTERS UNDER THE BED

Because your toddler’s imagination is expanding

at a phenomenal rate now, it’s normal for her to experience heightened separation anxiety and have more fears She may have nightmares or imagine scary things in her room Deal with this calmly and sympathetically – her fears are very real to her,

so laughing them off is only belittling her A useful trick is to buy a spray bottle and fill it with water Allow your toddler to spray her bedroom down with this “monster spray” to kill off all the scary things This helps her to feel in control of her fears, instilling a sense of self-confidence

ROUTINE IS STILL KEY

Having a pattern to her bedtime helps your toddler recognise that it’s time to wind down and get settled for the night Start the bedtime routine with

a calm bath followed by a massage or bedtime story Avoid rough play, and keep stimulation down to a minimum, and make sure you have a limit to how many stories or calm activities she can have before going to bed Then get her into bed, switch on her night-light, and turn off the overhead lights Tuck her in, talk quietly for a bit, and once she's calm, give her a final kiss and leave the room.Consistency is key in any routine in your toddler’s life, and none more so than with sleep So, stick to your guns, even if it takes a few days to get her sleep settled YB

sleep

HOW MUCH REST DOES A BABY REQUIRE?

F E A T U R E S YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 27

YBA D V E R T O R I A L

You’ll be changing your baby’s nappy a couple of thousand times Are you ready?

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 29

PARENTING IS A wonderful thing

Your instinct is to protect and cherish,

which means putting your baby’s needs

first Nothing is as important as this

little person’s comfort and wellbeing

Before you have your own baby

it’s difficult to imagine what nappy

changing will be like Rest assured: all

you’ll care about is that your baby is

clean and comfortable Also, prepare

to feel deeply satisfied when you

realise you can and do provide for your

vulnerable little baby’s needs Even the

most terrible nappy experience will

quickly fade and become a story from

the trenches to chuckle over later

Here’s some advice to help you

survive and flourish during this part of

your parenting journey…

PREPARATION IS KEY

These nine tips help make life easier:

• Hospitals don’t provide nappies, so

take along enough nappies when you go

there to deliver

• Establish the habit of always keeping

your nappy bag packed and ready to

go Replenish the bag as soon as you

get home after an outing Rather have

too many than too few Other essentials

are a changing mat (many nappy bags

come with this function built in), wet

wipes, face cloth, scented disposal bags,

antibacterial spray, nappy cream and

an extra set of clothing Always keep an

extra stock of nappies and essentials in

your car’s boot – you won’t regret it!

• Keep waterless hand cleanser in the

nappy bag, car and handbag It comes in

very handy during nappy changes

• Drape a tissue over your son’s penis

as soon as you open his nappy Little

boys typically pee as soon as fresh air

hits their skin

• It happens to all of us: poo that runs

all the way up the back of your baby’s

outfit This is why baby vests are made

with nifty crossover necks Simply widen the neck and pull the vest down, instead of trying to pull the whole mess over your baby’s head

• Less is more when it comes to bum cream Too much tends to smear off, interfering with the absorption qualities

of the nappy

• Give feedback on the public facilities you use during a change of nappy, be it

a mall or restaurant Tell the owners if

it was clean and convenient, and ask for specific improvements if it wasn’t

• Always hold a hand on your baby during nappy changes, no matter where you are Babies can roll over in a flash and get badly hurt Make sure you have everything you need within reach

• After a change, clean the entire area,

so it’s hygienic for the next session

START WITH THE RIGHT NAPPY

Nappies work according to weight, not age When your baby’s nappy starts to leak, it’s a sign to move onto the next size If you know your baby’s weight, you could avoid this indicator

Don’t initially buy too many newborn nappies; babies outgrow that size quickly If you’re buying for a friend’s stork tea, consider buying the second or third size Often expectant parents get

so many newborn nappies as gifts and can’t even use them all

One feature to be on the lookout for

is a wetness indicator This function can save you quite a bit of money in the long run, as you won’t be changing the nappy too early, before it is really wet Make sure that the nanny, the daycare helpers and anyone who will

be changing your baby’s nappy knows how this indicator works Your aim is

to choose nappies that don’t pinch or restrict your child You want your child

to be comfortable enough to roll and move, because it’s through movement

that they learn and develop A stretchy waistband is therefore a must Velcro tags that can be opened and closed repeatedly are handy Soft baby skin also appreciates a soft backing, as that precious little bum will be spending nearly the whole day and night in contact with it

Finally, good absorption is also what you need in a nappy, because you don’t want a wet nappy to disturb precious sleep or lead to a sore nappy rash

The new and improved Clicks Made 4

Baby Dry Protect disposable nappies for

both day and night use are just what your

baby needs to stay comfortable and dry

Now offering a wetness indicator, stretchy

waistband with Velcro straps, highly

absorbent core and soft back sheet

Available at your nearest Clicks store or online at clicks.co.za Available in sizes Newborn, Midi, Maxi, Junior and Extra Large, and for extra convenience in pack sizes Trial, Value and Jumbo Earn double points on your Clicks Club Card on all baby essentials!

POO KNOWLEDGE FOR EVERY AGE

Newborn Your new baby’s first poo’s called meconium It’s black, sticky and difficult to clean, also because you’re uncertain about handling your baby Very soon it will be second nature Beware of pushing your baby’s legs up

to the chest too vigorously, as this can lead to a poo explosion

Nursing baby Good news! Breastfed babies’ poo really doesn’t smell bad, and the slight smell bothers parents even less than others Yip, someone researched it! Their poo is also easy to wipe away But be warned… When your baby begins to cut teeth, you’re in for some spectacularly bad nappies Change your baby immediately to avoid nappy rash

Older baby Once your baby starts eating solid food, his poo will change quite dramatically The good news is that the frequency of dirty nappies will most likely be reduced to once a day The poo

is firmer and therefore easier to clean Many babies also become very regular during this time Be observant, and you might be able to predict and wait for a poo before you go out in the morning or before bathtime in the evening

Toddler Nappy-changing time is playtime! Your little one will wriggle, but by now you’re an old hand at this thing Keep your interaction playful and stress free Think of it as bonding time Also, allow your child some time every day to run around without a nappy The fresh air is good for the skin, and your child can also begin to discover what usually happens inside the nappy This discovery is one of the first steps on the road to potty training Don’t be in a rush Modern nappies are so much more comfortable and functional than they were a generation ago, resulting in children beginning potty training later and later This is normal Just ignore the raised eyebrows from the cloth-nappy generation

after baby

Intimacy

You were supposed to be delighted when the gynae gave the green light for sex weeks after baby’s birth But instead, you wish you could remain celibate, writes Terésa Coetzee

IT’S NOT UNUSUAL for you to be less

excited by the gynae’s green light to

have sex weeks after the birth of your

baby If it were up to you, you would

not have sex until your baby turns 21 –

because you just don’t feel up to it

Rest assured you’re not the only girl

whose sex drive disappeared along

with her bump There’s a whole bunch

of reasons for this, but fortunately also

plenty of solutions

THE FIRST SIX WEEKS

Although your doctor will tell you

this, it’s almost not even necessary to

be reminded that you’re not supposed

to have sex for the first six weeks after

baby’s birth You’re probably so busy

with the new bundle of joy that sex will

be the last thing on your mind

It also makes no difference whether

you’ve had a C-section or a natural

birth During a natural birth, your lady

bits get stretched so much that your

body needs a full six weeks to return to

normal And with a C-section you have

a wound to think about Even if it looks

like it’s completely healed from the

outside, you still have to be careful with

the wound on the inside – hence the

realistic ban during the first six weeks

But even after the first six weeks

following your baby’s birth, sex can be

unpleasant, for the following reasons:

VAGINAL DRYNESS

The postpartum hormones coursing

through your veins, especially those

hormones that help with breastfeeding,

cause serious vaginal dryness And

no matter how ready you feel, you’ll

probably battle with normal sex You

suddenly have lots of prolactin in your

body and little oestrogen

Research has also shown that women

who breastfeed have a lower libido and

less desire for sex compared to women

who bottle feed, because their hormonal

composition differs so much

What’s more, lactating moms are

definitely more tired because they have

to feed regularly at night and because

breastfeeding is physically draining

TEAR OR EPISIOTOMY

According to the book Life After Birth

by Kate Figes, two out of three women

who birth naturally tear or have to have

an episiotomy A total of 15 percent

of these women still have a painful

perineum three years after they gave

birth A total of 10 to 15 percent of

WHAT ELSE YOU CAN DO

❥ Use a good lubricant such as

KY jelly if the perineal area feels very sensitive

❥ Choose a position that doesn’t put too much pressure on your vagina

❥ If fatigue is your biggest problem, try and make love when baby is asleep, or you don’t feel too tired

❥ Eat healthily and drink lots of fluids Rest whenever you can

❥ Do pelvic-floor exercises to tone the muscles in your vagina

women who had a C-section struggle to recuperate after the op

The result is that most women find penetrative sex extremely painful during the first weeks and months after birth

After an episiotomy or a vaginal tear, the tissue surrounding the wound swells, and it can be very painful if the suture is too tight

If sex still hurts six months after the birth and it’s not getting better, you should go and see your doctor

If the wound is still very red, or if there’s a strange-smelling discharge, there could be an infection that needs medical attention

A tear or episiotomy that has not been properly sutured could leave you with a thick scar

BIRTHING INSTRUMENTSThe use of forceps or a suction cup can cause considerable internal bruising, and this can be sore and tender for weeks after the birth

PILESAlmost a third of all women suffer from piles after the birth of a baby

Piles – also known as haemorrhoids – are swollen veins in the anal canal that could be extremely painful

It’s caused by weak blood circulation

in this area or because of continuous pushing while you were in labour But piles can also occur after you’ve had a C-section There are remedies for piles such as ointment and suppositories;

speak to your doctor about that

Regular warm baths can also bring some relief

VAGINAL THRUSHMany women are given antibiotics after birth to prevent serious infection,

so vaginal thrush commonly occurs because antibiotics destroy the good bacteria in the vagina

And even if you’re not on antibiotics, the birthing process can alter the vagina’s pH balance quite a bit, and this could also cause thrush

The itchiness and discomfort of thrush can be a passion-killer!

POST-PARTUM DEPRESSIONEven a slight case of post-natal depression could seriously dampen your interest in sex Antidepressants might lift your mood a little, but they’re also known to cause low libido And chronic fatigue also kills the mood

According to Dr Lorraine Becker,

a gynaecologist from Rosebank in Johannesburg, one of the biggest causes

of little sex after birth is emotional

“Mom is tired and irritable because she’s not getting much sleep, plus the baby drains her physically She also gets plenty of physical intimacy from her baby,” says Dr Becker

Her advice is to be proactive with

a plan to spend some time alone with your other half Leave the baby with someone, even if it’s just for an hour, and do something together just the two

of you

“Bath together, give each other massages, and take care to nurture each other and canoodle Even if you don’t feel like sex, that physical contact between a man and a woman is extremely important.” Talk to each other Ask him how he feels! Stress is one of the biggest reasons for a disappearing sex drive Dr Becker says one should try and limit one’s stress and find a way to recharge

“And banish the TV from the bedroom It’s one of the biggest passion killers of our time People should never lie in bed and watch television A bed is for sex and sleep Make time for good foreplay On average, it takes women between 13 and 30 minutes to reach

an orgasm.”

IT’S YOUR ATTITUDE THAT COUNTS

AND IF DAD’S FRIGID?

Many men are just as nervous about sex after watching their better halves give birth They’re afraid to hurt you, and especially that they might make you pregnant again! A newborn in the house can involuntarily focus the brain

on the consequences of (even the most pleasurable and hottest) sex… YB

YBC O M P E T I T I O N

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HOW TO RAISE A

RESILIENT

CHILD

In this era of overprotective parenting, how do you ensure

that you raise a strong child, asks Samantha Herbst

WITH THE ONSET of social media and

having to raise children in the age of

information, today’s parents are hyper

focused on their child’s development,

hyper aware of whether their child

has met (or exceeded) the designated

milestones and hyper anxious about

how their child compares to others of

the same age

This has given rise to an all-new style

of overinvolved parenting that sees

parents either hovering over their child

and/or guiding every step their child

takes (otherwise known as helicopter

parenting) or removing any literal or

figurative difficulties or obstacles that

could lie ahead to ensure a smooth path

for their little one

Parents who do the latter have been

labelled “lawnmower parents”

Labels aside, we all want our children

to thrive, but have we considered the

disservice we do them by eliminating

the difficulties they might face in life or

by telling them how best to overcome

those difficulties instead of letting them

figure it out for themselves?

“Children build resilience through

learning how to tackle obstacles If you

remove those obstacles, they won’t be

able to cope later on in life

“Remember, you’re not always going

to be there smoothing their path,”

says Natalie De Gouveia-Gianoglio, a

Johannesburg-based counsellor who

specialises in play therapy

Natalie points out that when parents

hover, or if they simply guide their child

through the day by telling them what

to do or how to do it, they interrupt the

positive process of free play, inhibiting

exploration and other

independence-building exercises

ALLOW THEM SOME FREEDOM

“As a child, your whole life is dictated

to you When and what to eat, when

to bath, when to sleep And now, overinvolved, overprotective and competitive parents are telling children how to play

“Parents are overly conscious of developmental milestones, the correct pencil grip, what colours their child should know, up to where he should

be able to count And then parents are taking free play and trying to control that too,” Natalie says

“Parents who do this are not only inhibiting creativity and problem-solving development, they’re telling children what to do and how to do it when it could be their one chance in the day to do things the way they want to

do it.”

ARM THEM WITH AN EMOTIONAL TOOL KITMoreover, your child’s ability to self-regulate and manage her emotions also gets compromised if she never learns to navigate difficulty

According to Johannesburg-based educational psychologist and former teacher Zaakirah Mohamed, a child who struggles to self-regulate will never learn to behave appropriately when things don’t go their way And while toddlers are expected to struggle with this, they eventually need to learn how not to act out but will never do so if things always go their way

“Children who never learn to regulate are going to face even more difficulty when they are of school-going age They won’t know how to interact with people of different personalities, different viewpoints, different value systems,” Zaakirah says

self-Her advice to parents is, firstly, to let their children fall and make mistakes, but to use it as a teaching tool

“Mistakes help your children learn and grow If you don’t make mistakes,

F E A T U R E S YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 35

YBF E A T U R E S

how are you going to learn?” she asks

Zaakirah also believes that raising a

resilient child goes hand in hand with

discipline An overly protected child is

often undisciplined, as most protective

parents are permissive and acquiescent,

indulging their child’s strong will, and

rarely, if ever, saying no

While being a “yes parent” allows for

peaceful resolution in the moment, it

sets your child up for failure later on

“Overprotected children have not

been taught behaviour-management

skills, and they struggle socially,

especially once they get to the

classroom,” she adds

“It’s wonderful to be a protective

mother In fact, it’s important But what’s

more valuable is the act of equipping

your children Teach them Guide

them Encourage them A little bit of

independence and confidence goes a

long way.”

TEACH THEM

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Similarly, your child needs to learn how

to resolve conflict appropriately, and it

starts from a young age Most toddlers

first learn about conflict through

competing with a peer over a certain toy,

for instance In these situations, Natalie

advises parents and caregivers to take a

step back

“You want to give your child the

opportunity to express and assert

themselves But if you’re doing it for

them or on their behalf, how will they

learn to do it on their own?”

Whether your child is the victim or

the perpetrator in the situation, most

parents will feel obliged to intervene, but

it’s important to recognise that there is a

time and a place for parents to address

the situation without interfering,

assuming neither child involved in the

IT’S WONDERFUL TO BE A PROTECTIVE

MOTHER BUT WHAT’S MORE

VALUABLE IS THE ACT OF EQUIPPING

YOUR CHILDREN TEACH THEM

GUIDE THEM ENCOURAGE THEM A

LITTLE BIT OF INDEPENDENCE AND

CONFIDENCE GOES A LONG WAY

conflict is being physically harmed

“Speak to your child, advise her, and comfort her after the moment of conflict,” Natalie advises

“Teach your child emotional language in these moments Give their emotions a name – angry, sad, frustrated – and don’t think they’re too young to understand This will help build their emotional intelligence and, subsequently, their resilience.”

IMPLEMENT POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT Zaakirah adds that being sensitive to how you speak to your child and the type of input they get from you can also help build resilience: “Why don’t you try that? Oh wow, you tried it I saw you did that on your own, well done! What can you do differently next time?”

Acknowledging your child’s efforts lets them know that they have your support and reinforces the appropriate coping mechanisms for the next time they tackle an obstacle

It teaches confidence

“Positive reinforcement used frequently works wonders for children – especially when they start throwing temper tantrums,” Zaakirah says, adding that parents often forget to praise their little ones for doing what is asked

of them but are quick to respond to negative behaviour

“Use language that means something

Instead of saying, ‘You’re such a good girl’ or ‘That’s very naughty’, say

‘Well done, you did such a good job at picking up your toys,’ or ‘I don’t like

it when you throw your clothes on the floor.’ Be specific, and make links for them,” she says

DEAL WITH YOUR OWN ANXIETIESZaakirah advises any new mother or

THE QUALITIES OF A WELL-ADJUSTED TODDLER

• A resilient toddler is confident Not overly anxious at times of separation Bounces back easily Can function without a parent being

in the same room as them

• A resilient toddler is able to recover quickly from a tantrum They get upset, but they can move

on from it Temper tantrums are a developmental reality, but resilient toddlers will bounce back quicker than those not equipped with adequate coping mechanisms

• A resilient toddler reacts appropriately (i.e does not overreact) when he gets hurt

• A resilient toddler is able to socialise and participate He can

be exposed to new situations and adjust fairly quickly Every toddler cries, but resilient toddlers get over the change quicker than those who are less adaptable

• A resilient toddler accepts all types of feedback She is able to hear the word “no”

father to start their parenting journey

by working on themselves first “We all let our own insecurities and baggage interfere with the way we parent, and

we need to be mindful of that

“An anxious parent leads to an anxious child So before you start thinking about how to parent a child, work on yourself What is going on with you? What are your limitations, your strengths, your weaknesses? Do you have any triggers, sensitivities, soft spots? These will all influence the way you parent, and you need to be aware of this connection,” she says

Natalie agrees “Your child senses your anxieties and insecurities

Don’t underestimate how much she understands Children may not be able

to express verbally that they know how you feel, but they can sense it – and they will react to it,” she says

Both therapists agree that resilience is not an innate quality that a child is born with; it’s something they’re taught

“They don’t come knowing it It’s up

to us to teach them,” Zaakirah says

“Arm your children with the courage and the coping skills necessary to deal with life If you teach them to stay away from potential hardships or danger, you’re not teaching them to navigate the real world.” YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 37

60 Off the menu

62 Recipes: Fish fit for a king

TODDLER

64 Recipes: Fish

66 Full of nonsense

68 Time for a cup?

70 Move aside, here comes baby

74 Q&A She can’t pronounce

certain letters

76 Crafty Easter

baby files

3 exciting

months

It doesn’t always feel like it, but your new baby develops fast Be on the lookout

for these milestones during the first three months, writes Nia Visagie

YOU MIGHT GET a fright the first day

you lay eyes on your new baby, who

looks so strange and different from the

babies in the shampoo adverts But don’t

make the mistake of thinking there’s

not a lot happening in that little head,

and we’re not even talking about the

body yet We have a look at some of the

best-known milestones on the physical,

intellectual and emotional front and

also share some tips

WEEK ONE

At the end of baby’s first day in the

world, she’ll recognise your smell She’s

born with senses that already work

well (save for sight, which is quite weak

at the beginning), and her brain will

immediately start learning to process

everything that feeds her senses

A few days later she recognises her

favourite people by their voices, and

although her sight is still limited, by the

end of the first week she recognises the

faces of her favourite people too

WEEK TWO

Your baby can feel your mood, even

if she doesn’t understand words Just

like she’s busy getting to know you,

you have to get to know her too

You’ll know that she has positive

and negative reactions, and her

needs are actually still quite

simple Remember that she’s totally

dependent on you, so immediately

respond when she’s crying, and

nurture her lovingly

Nurse on demand – it’s also

your bonding time

WEEK THREE

The way your baby moves is

different than that of an older

baby The strange movements

you would have spotted by now

happen involuntarily – they’re

reflexes They gradually become

weaker There are quite a few of these reflexes, but the most well-known are:

• The Moro reflex

• The sucking reflex

• The grasp reflex – everyone’s favourite, because that’s when she holds your finger so tightly

Read more about these reflexes on page 43

WEEK FOUR

If you place baby on her tummy, she might be able to lift her little head for a bit This is an important milestone!

Remember that a strong neck and shoulders are the foundation for many

of her future milestones

✓ Keep your newborn’s immediate environment calm

at first, and guard against overstimulation

in a blanket with her hands close to her face

cries and comfort her

✓ Talk to her, sing to her and make eye contact

✓ Hold her tightly when you nurse, and also if you might bottle feed

TIPS FOR THE FIRST MONTH

B A B Y F I L E S : N E W B O R N YB

MARCH & APRIL 2019 | 39

WEEK NINE

If you’ve regularly been doing tummy time, your baby will now be able to lift her head to about 45˚ for 10 seconds

When she’s upright, she can hold her head up and even turn it in the direction

of a sound that interests her

She also becomes aware of her own hands and find them fascinating

The fontanels on her head – those soft spots in her skull – start closing up

WEEK 10Your baby actively reacts to others (even to the dog!) and starts showing personality She’ll be able to express her preferences and moods with her face, body and mood

Your baby is aware of objects and will try hard to reach for them or kick them

WEEK 11Your baby makes talking sounds, or gurgles, shouts and babbles She’ll also start listening more carefully

Better control over her hands means everything goes to the mouth to be explored further

WEEK 12Head control in a lying position is much better already Your baby will

also be able to hold a rattle now if you place it in her hands

Your baby can be awake and happy for longer periods without becoming entirely overstimulated YB

when you look her in the eye

and watch if she

imitates you

✓ Daily tummy time is a must

changing station, so that she can

exercise her eyes

✓ Rub different textures all over

her hands

✓ Play with your baby’s body when she’s awake Bend her knees, tug her arms, and tickle her feet

dramatically and watch how she reacts

with her in your arms Rub her body with different textures

✓ Give her bright objects to follow with her eyes, and also place them in her hands

under a baby gym, and on her tummy on a textured blanket

on everything you do with your baby, for instance during nappy changes and bath time Tell her what’s happening all the time

TIPS FOR THE

SECOND MONTH

TIPS FOR THE THIRD MONTH

WEEK FIVE

Your baby is very interested in facial

expressions Remember that she can’t see

that well yet – so hold her about 30cm

from your face when you “chat” She’ll

stick out her tongue and move her lips as

if she wants to talk back

WEEK SIX

She’s now properly found her voice, and

literally cries like a baby If you’re well

attuned, you’ll be able to figure that

she uses a variety of sounds for hunger,

fatigue, pain… Crying is how she

communicates with you

WEEK SEVEN

Your baby works hard to gain control

over her muscles Especially her neck

and back muscles are becoming stronger

and stronger, and she’ll be able to keep

her head up for short bursts Your baby’s

sight is also busy improving, and she

can start following movement with her

eyes Most of her reflexes disappear as

she takes control of her own body

WEEK EIGHT

Where’s the camera? You’re getting a

real smile from your little nunu Plus,

she starts making the cutest sounds in

her throat and reacts to your sounds

HER NECK AND BACK MUSCLES ARE BECOMING STRONGER AND STRONGER, AND

SHE’LL BE ABLE TO KEEP HER HEAD UP FOR

YBB A B Y F I L E S : N E W B O R N

Secrets of

Babies can and do learn to sleep through the

night, but in order to get it right they need to be

taught how to self-soothe, writes Meg Faure

self-soothing