The engaging presenter part III

SHARE YOUR REPLY as if every person in your audience asked that question or interjected and wants to hear the answer.. And there’s another downside if you ‘lock on’ to one person: you’r

How to handle questions and interjections

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Michael Douglas Brown

The Engaging Presenter Part III

How to handle questions and interjections

Contents

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Foreword

You may be surprised by the core method of this guide

That’s because the best way to handle questions and interjections defies what many of us in the West were taught as children But in the West, thousands of people, in hundreds of training workshops, overwhelmingly agree that it works They say things like, “I feel in better control of what’s happening I don’t seem to have a problem finding an answer I feel more engaged.” Most never return to the old ways.When you use the method, you’ll be significantly less nervous of the unexpected

It will help you build rapport with your audiences, even when your message is unwelcome It will help

you handle virtually any kind of unexpected event, including questions, interjections, cross-fire amongst the audience, aggressive comments about your message, hostility and personal attacks on you It works

for handling attacks on you even when you deserve it.

Your audiences will see you as more believable

Many see this method as a fast way to executive presence And why not? Science is now accepting that by acting in a specific way you can bring about real, significant, internal change Act it until you become it

“If you want a quality, act as if you already have it.” Walt Whitman

Audiences are deeply drawn to three qualities: your personal strength, your conviction, and your connection with them This model allows you to build all three

The way you handle the unexpected is inherently fascinating to any audience Do you like or dislike questions and interjections? Are you comfortable or uncomfortable? How are you treating the questioner? Above all: Does your response ignore or incorporate the concerns conveyed by the tone of the question? And, how well do you connect your answer to the watching and listening audience?

Of course your audience doesn’t consciously analyse They don’t need to, because they know your level

of comfort with them and their concerns as surely as if they were an x-ray machine They know, at the

subconscious level where they absorb those crucial impressions about your credibility

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was talking to a live audience when someone called out

“Jerry, I love you.”

“And I love you,” he called back “But I want to go on seeing other people.”

The applause was only partly for his wit The rest was for his confidence and ease with the unexpected

This guide may not turn you into an international star, but it should bring you to that joyful discovery that there is nothing to fear from your audience, no matter how they feel about your topic

Have fun

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1 The method

1.1 The core of the method

Here it is in one sentence

SHARE YOUR REPLY

as if every person in your audience asked that question (or interjected) and wants to hear the answer.

For a moment, picture doing just that You’re telling a meeting how the new schedule will work, when Annette interrupts you She says, “How will that affect our working conditions?” You nod, and reply, giving only the first word or two to Annette and then, at random, to the rest of the people in front of you, returning to Annette for a nod at the end

That’s the mechanical essence of it

Wait Doesn’t it defy normal rules of courtesy? Weren’t most of us taught as youngsters to look at any adult asking us a question?

So we were (mostly in the West), but for group communication that rule breaks down The group psychology is that when someone asks a question (or interjects), the whole audience owns it It’s as if the entire group wants your response directed to them even when many already know the answer To deny them that is to undermine your own authority and control And there’s another downside if you

‘lock on’ to one person: you’re effectively saying, Your question is so unimportant to the group, I’m just

giving the answer to you.

It’s rude to talk only to the person who asked the question (or interjected) Don’t ‘lock on’.

When the going gets tough, you’ll feel a strong urge to do just that Use every bit of will power to share the reply, continuing to look after the whole audience

Still not convinced?

A thought experiment Imagine you’re in the front row of an audience of 200 You ask

a question, but the answer is a long one and the presenter looks at you straight down the barrel for the entire time with everyone watching both of you How do you feel? Uncomfortable, of course You’ll want to exit under the carpet And how does the rest

of the audience feel? Impatient Ignored Would you two like us to leave the room? Can

we be part of this, or is it a private party for two?

How small does the audience need to be in order to ignore the sharing technique?

That’s right – one The technique applies to all audiences It’s not well known because the vast majority

of audiences are small, and the downside of locking on is less obvious Presenters who lock on lose credibility without ever realising it

Let’s begin Here’s a starter version of the core technique

It’s simple in essence and powerful in practice You can practise it right away, as long as you try it first with easy, non-emotional questions Ask someone you trust to give you feedback afterwards

Better still, persuade at least four friends or colleagues to help you out as a practice audience Tell them what you’re doing Explain that you want someone to interrupt with a question (a ‘how’ or ‘why’ question is best) about half a minute after you start speaking The first time, deliberately do not share the reply – lock on to the questioner for the whole response Now ask the questioner to repeat the same question This time, share the reply as in the method above Ask your audience which way looked best Which way gave you the greatest personal authority? Which way did you feel in better control?Now we’re going to build on that ‘starter’ version

WU\WKLV«

WU\WKLV«

1.2 Adopt the attitude

Listen on behalf of the audience.

Now’s the time to stop being preoccupied with your own survival Some presenters fear questions and interjections even more than they fear one-way speaking Allowing something unexpected to happen feels like opening Pandora’s box and releasing all manner of horrors So this kind of self-talk switches on:

“Excuse me.”

Uh oh “Yes?”

“I have a question.”

Oh no A question It’ll put me off my stride It’ll put me off what I prepared

What if I don’t know the answer? I’ll look like a fool.

That self-talk is a destroyer because it shunts your focus right back on your worries Your fears multiply, your audience knows instantly that you’ve transferred your focus from them to yourself, and your credibility takes a hammering before you’ve uttered two words of your response Instead, develop self-talk like this:

Ah, good Chances are others will have the same question and this helps

me understand how others in the audience feel How can I use this to help everyone understand?

Make that your self-talk even when the questions and interjections are probing or emotionally charged

Choose to genuinely welcome questions and interjections

as contributions to group understanding.

That’s quite a decision But once you’re committed to it, you’ll find yourself easily coping with that instant when you don’t know what your answer is going to be And when you don’t have an answer? (Look

ahead to When you don’t know the answer p42)

Imagine yourself at a party You’re talking to one person, a glass of your favourite lubricant at hand But you’re not enjoying it because the person opposite you is boring Which is a puzzle because he has an interesting background, he’s achieved spectacularly and he’s extremely well-informed So how can he be boring? Feelings and judgements

like boring or arrogant or I don’t like this bozo often arise when the person in front of

us keeps talking with no sign that he wants to know about us

It’s the same when a presenter seems reluctant to take our questions

Let’s get a practical barrier out of the way For a large audience, it just doesn’t work to take every question and interjection as they arise, because you would never get through your message It is better to have a stated question time So, still welcome the questions, but manage their timing More on that later

And, in case I haven’t made it clear enough, be ready to be open Be ready to be seen through You can’t

hide from an audience – they know when you’re dodging Steve Jobs of Apple fame may not have had

presenting in mind, but his words certainly fit the relationship between presenter and audience

“Avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose You are

already naked.” Steve Jobs WU\WKLV«

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1.3 Involve your body in the reply

Much of what follows feels awkward when you first try it out That’s partly because it’s new, and partly because we’re making bullet points of what will soon be natural It’s worth persisting and, as always, find someone to give you specific feedback on how well it’s working

The body language I’m talking about is subtle, the movements small, the impact large

The movements are so small, the audience only takes them in subconsciously, but they strongly influence decisions about the credibility of your answer, and of you.

Don’t blame them It’s called being human, and humans use much more than the face value of your words to form their opinions You are also the message, because you are its carrier As Marshall McLuhan said, the medium is the message

An imagination activity You’re sitting next to one person, side-by-side, talking He wants

to sell you a new idea for an on-line business But he conducts the conversation with his head facing almost forward, maintaining contact only by looking at you sideways Want to do business with him?

Of course not You’d rather do business with a snake in dark glasses Swivelling his eyes without turning his head is a trust-and-credibility disaster

Now imagine that same conversation with one change You’re still sitting side-on, but this time he turns his head as well as his eyes This is more credible It’s the way most presenters answer questions at meetings – swivelling their eyes and head, with fixed torso

And yet it’s still not enough

For full credibility and trust, your eyes, head and body must work together.

Here’s how

WU\WKLV«

For normal one-way speaking – even before questions and interjections begin – your torso should be inclined forward If you’re standing, that’s an almost imperceptible tilt If you’re sitting, you also rest the fleshy parts of your arms on the table, with hands slightly apart, or one hand resting lightly on the other, ready to gesture Your stance quietly signals that the whole of you wants to be in their company

Be aware: a backward tilt signals, I don’t want your company I don’t want to know about you.

If you’re engaged with an audience you’re turning your attention randomly to different individuals That means eyes, head and body And now we need to look at the most subtle yet powerful movement of all

In the spine When you look at an individual, tilt head and spine slightly towards that person

THE TURN (sitting or standing)

When you turn to an individual,

move your eyes fully, rotate your head almost fully, rotate your shoulders partly, and tilt your spine towards that person very slightly.

your attention to someone in an average-sized meeting, the tilt may be no more than one centimetre That’s the thickness of your little finger If you’re standing in front of a small meeting, then it’s around two or three centimetres Small movement, large impact The individual you’re looking at translates it

subconsciously as This presenter wants to talk to me and respects me The audience translates it vicariously

as This presenter wants to talk to us and respects us You could hardly ask for a better way for them to

respect you in return And all this is under their conscious radar

That’s subtle Less than one person in ten does the turn naturally without training Those who do are usually already comfortable in front of an audience If you feel awkward trying it, persist until it feels natural and then you no longer have to be aware of it at all

Compare the body language of speakers you know Especially compare how they make

The Turn Can you see a correlation between how well they make that turn and how

well they engage individuals and the whole audience?

Now we can expand the core method

WU\WKLV«

Now and then give a very small I’m listening nod Very small means it won’t be mistaken for agreement Your eyes should be saying, I’m keen to hear this, even if the interjection is negative (See Accept feelings

argue facts p19 ) When the question is finished, incline your head (think of a gracious nod) in acceptance,

which says, I’ve heard you and I’m taking you seriously

You don’t have an instant answer? Don’t even bother with the cliché ‘That’s a good question.’ Everyone knows you’re covering up your need for time to think And everyone knows it’s unreasonable to expect you to have an instant answer for all questions It’s much better just to think Openly In silence It’s no problem to the audience

If you need time to think of an answer, nod (incline) your head to the questioner, look away (no eye contact with anyone),

and think in silence.

By thinking in silence, you convey more respect for the question and the questioner But if you’re embarrassed, all bets are off Audiences hate embarrassment

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Extra animation usually means slightly bigger gestures and head movements It’s simply a form of respect, because it demonstrates your interest in the question Of course when you’re truly engaged, it won’t be an act

asked that question

When you look around to the whole audience, go first to the person furthest from the questioner –

that’s the extreme right or left of your audience Then go to the other extreme It’s called re-gathering

You’re re-gathering attention, regaining control, and signalling that the question was so interesting that

everyone might be interested in the answer It re-enforces fundamental respect for the questioner and,

by implication, to the entire audience

And then direct your attention randomly as you would for normal speaking

That acknowledgement might also be a ‘thank you’ Or if you’re not sure you actually answered the question, ask, ‘Did I answer your question?’

1.4 Involve your tone

The key word there is involve A flat voice carries little personal credibility, with the real danger that

it can sound disinterested in the question or interjection If you sound disinterested, that’s the end of rapport with the questioner

We don’t need extreme remedies One again – just like the body language – we’re talking about something

so subtle that your audience simply won’t notice that anything special is happening with your voice Subtle, yes, but at the subconscious level, most important

Nor do we need special exercises on your tone and voice modulation Instead, develop the skills indirectly

by working on appropriate levels of warmth, interest and energy

1.5 Add warmth, interest and energy

You could revisit Pass the passion test in The Engaging Presenter Part II But here I’ve selected the ideas

particularly important for questions and interjections

It’s a warmth that welcomes the question If your first reaction is apprehensive, your audience cools; if

you are warm, your audience warms Don’t overdo it Be warm with your eyes only – this is not the place for a cheesy smile

Be energized by the question or interjection.

It goes naturally with the extra animation It conveys respect As you’ll see later that’s important even when the questioner is totally opposed to you Your expression must indicate that you really want to know what’s going on for this person

Never drop your energy in response to a question Similar to ‘locking on’, it sends the message, Your

interruption is so unimportant to the audience, I can hardly bother with it Go away Not much respect

in that; it would be simpler to stroll over and slap the questioner in the face

Now we have a full platform for the core method

YOU “You have a question?” Do THE TURN Show warmth and interest.

Q “Yes Can you tell is if the Middle East situation is

going to raise prices even further?”

YOU “You mean at the pumps?” You want to fully understand before you reply.

Q “Yes.”

YOU (Nod, turn to the rest of the audience)

“The question is, ‘Will the Middle East situation

raise petrol prices even further?’

Well I don’t know yet This may be just another

bump in a very bumpy, very long Middle East

road I’m reluctant to even guess about prices

until I know what the OPEC nations have to say

The questioner needs this acknowledgement as a mark of respect from you.

Now let’s go to a much smaller group where it’s so tempting to give the answer only to the questioner, one-to-one This time, you’re running a meeting with half a dozen people Assume everyone heard the interjection

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YOU “My feeling is that if we don’t terminate her

contract, the-”

Q “But, Miranda, she’s a solo parent, disabled, and

with three children under five The press will

make us roast of the day.”

You’re listening to this with warmth and interest, even though you were interrupted This objection

to your message is actually a gift, because it openly declares a feeling that might otherwise be silently undermining you.

YOU (Incline your head slightly forward.) It’s not a nod in the usual sense The forward

inclination indicates that you accept the contribution and the feeling behind it, but that you don’t

necessarily agree with the face value of the point made.

“Yes, they will…

(Turn to the others)

Sharing the reply.

“…but what’s the alternative? She’s blackmailing

us with her disadvantaged status so she can go

right on doing it to the same youngsters The

parents are going to get the press to roast us

anyway

(Return to the questioner for a nod of thanks)

Sustaining the added energy

The supposedly negative objection was a gift – a contribution to everyone’s understanding

“I suggest we…” The psychological momentum of sharing the reply

with warmth, interest and energy makes it easy to return to your agenda.

Are you wondering if warmth is appropriate for such a serious topic? Warmth is not the same as a smile Warmth shows in and around the eyes, and is almost always apSpropriate – for the people in front of you

Look back at the direction Incline your head slightly forward and the commentary beside it This

sophisticated, gracious body language is part of the repertoire of leaders with the ability to engage As long as they are acting in good faith, they are not threatened by questions and interjections, no matter how negative

Does the method still work when the topic is difficult, the audience challenging, the questions and interjections probing, sceptical, or emotionally charged?

Yes it does You will need the core method for all of those situations, but you might want to add a few techniques and nuances from the next pages

2 Making the method powerful

Feelings are the great generator of the universe From the novel,

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

2.1 Accept feelings, argue facts

The toughest questions and interjections are the emotional ones, which can feel like a blow to the stomach Yet if you’re really ready to put audience needs first, you’ll find even this much easier than you thought:

if you’re using the core method, you are already handling much of the emotional charge in questions

and interjections For mild negative emotions, you’re already there

So let’s make the emotions more charged

Accept the person and the feelings without judgement Argue only facts and logic.

That’s what effective leaders do All feelings, spoken and unspoken, are valid and beyond judgement

They are completely natural given that person’s history up to this point Accept the totality of the person There’s a fascinating irony involved – an apparent contradiction

If you want to change a person’s feelings,

first accept the person, then accept those feelings as natural, then introduce facts or logic that might alter the feelings.

Of course you don’t tell them you accept them and their feelings – that’s your internal choice But when you’ve truly made that choice, the questioner picks up the tiny signals and something shifts within them

As the argument continues, he or she respects you

Even so, the idea of accepting someone’s negative feelings is a stretch for some

“You mean if Jaron Smith tells me, in front of everyone, that the project will be a dead duck, I’m supposed to put up with that?”

Yes In fact you should welcome it Expressed feelings are a gift, because they bring out into the open what you’re really dealing with And what if you discover that half the audience think the same and are grateful that Smith aired it for them? His gift to you is now priceless It’s the audience giving you a

reality check – which has nothing to do with who is right and who wrong Their feeling is the reality in

this highly subjective human world No more worries about hidden agendas

Here’s the opposite, a classic silent disaster: you’re not aware of significant opposition, so you haven’t allowed for it in your content, and no one speaks up about it when you present That’s automatic failure

to persuade, even though not a negative word is uttered Does that put Smith and his ‘negative’ attitude

in a different light? Smith has helped you become ‘real’

Choose to genuinely welcome as a gift

opposing questions, concerns and objections

In fact making that choice is a priceless gift you can give to yourself Make it in the midst of strong emotions and your audience won’t just respect you – they’ll admire you Take anger, for example Hidden anger undermines you; but you can use open anger to increase – yes, increase – the rapport between you and your audience

YOU “…so we’re all going to have to sign the vehicles

in and out.”

YOU (Incline your head) Acknowledging and accepting the feeling and the

person The interjection is a gift to you, bringing out into the open what might otherwise silently undermine your message.

“I know…”

(Look around, sharing the reply) …It’s more

bureaucracy Nobody likes red tape, even at the

best of times…

…but, we would hate the alternative a lot

more And for everyone’s sake we do have to

stop the system being abused From tomorrow

Would you be hurt or made anxious by the sarcasm of that “Oh, great!” interjection? That’s a serious issue

If you have more seniority than the interjector, you might be tempted to openly criticize the interjector’s discourtesy But that’s pulling rank to compel respect, which is an excellent way to lose it In the end you can’t avoid a decision to replace such anxiety with the determination to look after the audience Better still, uncover the deeper realization that there is nothing to be anxious about Don’t give other people the power to make you feel bad about yourself

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

I like the story of the Buddhist monk who went to his abbot and complained that people in the street were mocking him by calling him a dog

“Turn around and look at your rear end,” the abbot said “Do you see

a tail wagging?”

“No,” said the monk

“Then the matter is settled,” said the abbot

Let’s extend the technique When you disagree with the point made by the questioner…

You can say yes and no simultaneously, without conflict.

How does that work? You’re saying yes with your manner and no with your words – and the no can be assertive, even passionate It’s not a conflict because the yes and the no operate on two different planes: feelings and facts I have seen a presenter passionately disagree with his entire audience (20 people) with such a warm acceptance of their feelings that they fell silent with respect

It’s very, very persuasive

It’s got nothing to do with talking through a stiff smile, of course; an audience will see through that in

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Modern neuroscience accepts that humans are driven by feelings, not by logic In fact the research has

non-judgemental acceptance of the audience, the audience likes you (right brain), then decides to listen

to you (left brain)

You “…so restructuring of some sort is inevitable

We’re going to –“

Q “Look, why don’t you just come on out with it?

You’re going to make some of us redundant

Aren’t you?”

You do THE TURN, then you’re listening with warm attention – despite the aggressive tone Here’s that gift again – feelings revealed rather than hidden Hidden feelings can silently kill your message.

You (Incline your head forward emphatically Tilt body

slightly forward)

“Absolutely not There will be no redundancies

We just don’t need them when…”

Incline – not a nod Your manner is conveys yes

to person and feeling, and an assertive no to the argument Simultaneously It’s not a contradiction because feelings and facts are on different planes of communication The same principle would operate even if your answer started with, “No, it’s too soon to know that yet…”

Incline head forward? It may seem more logical to shake your head when you’re going to disagree And if you want to rely just on the language of logic, it is But a good communicator is also fluent in the language

of feelings and uses both simultaneously A shake of the head can easily be taken as a blanket rejection

of person, feelings and facts, which often means the audience won’t believe your answer about the facts

In practice, many presenters find it hard to cope with such in-your-face emotion, so they enter what

seems to be an escape tunnel which bears this sign: Answer only the face value of the words, pretending

that no one has any strong feelings In that last example such a reaction might emerge as a low-energy,

flat-toned, “It’s not the intention of management to make anyone redundant Now, as I was saying…” Such a response would raise a howl of disbelief and anger The escape tunnel leads directly into the lion enclosure

It’s just not logical to ignore emotions

Do you see the beauty of the technique? You can win at all levels You convey respect, you get respected You can enjoy a vigorous, noisy argument with your audience without turning feelings against you Magic.Here’s a useful device

Sometimes check what the rest of the audience thinks or feels.

You “So if you plant this variety a month earlier,

you’re likely to-”

Q “Look that’s crap! I paid good money for

that rubbish last year and I got nothing

out of it.”

You’re surprised, but still listening with warmth and interest Here’s another gift.

You (Incline your head toward the questioner But

hearing a murmur from someone else, turn

to the entire audience of 50 farmers.)

“Anyone else feel the same?”

(Look around expectantly)

Checking with the audience Adding energy Accepting the feelings, showing concern and interest You’re not threatened You genuinely want to know Note the use of the word ‘feel’ rather than ‘think’.

“Two… no, three Thank you… I’d like to

get to the bottom of that Perhaps the

three of you could have a word with me

afterwards… All right, let’s move on.”

Here’s a tougher test We’ll use the same example, but this time the majority feel aggressive and are not interested in anything but sorting out their quarrel with you

Q “Look that’s crap! I paid good money for

that rubbish last year and I got nothing

out of it.”

You (Incline your head forward This time there’s

a strong murmur of agreement, so turn to

the audience questioningly.)

“A lot of you feel the same way?”

(There’s an even stronger murmur from a

clear majority Some scowl at you.

As the extent of the problem becomes clear, you’re conveying more surprise and more concern.

Q “None of us are going to use that rubbish

again You’ve got a nerve trying to sell it

to us.”

You’re still listening with warmth and interest – even though they are now questioning your personal integrity.

You (Incline your head forward again, then look

away in silence while you think.)

(Turn again to the audience.)

“Let me check something How many of

you had problems? Can you indicate with

your hands…?”

(At least 40 raise hands.)

“Okay How many of you took a

commercial yield?”

Acknowledging, then – by thinking in silence – conveying that you’re taking it very seriously It’s a defensive mistake to think that you have to fill the silence with words

You’re still checking with audience, adding energy You’re keen to resolve this for them Although there’s a potential sales disaster looming, you’re not defensive.

(Four raise hands A few shrug uncertainly.)

“Thank you Well, it’ll be a waste of time

dealing with anything else till we sort this

one out Do you agree?”

(A few nods, then a murmur of assent Some

expressions show grudging respect.)

“I’m wondering about frost susceptibility

Can you give me your experience on that?

Who planted early in the foothills?”

Respect? Yes, mostly because in spite of your uncomfortable situation you’re still looking after their interests.