English teacher support material

English A Essay Student work assessment Criterion A B C Level achieved 5 5 5 Night Elie Wiesel: analysis of the death march and the train journey Background At the end of the unit s

MYP English A Teacher Support Material: Assessed Student Work

© International Baccalaureate Organization 2004 Organisation du Baccalauréat International

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Contents

Assessed student work

English A

Essay

1 Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and the train

journey . E1:1–E1:5

2 “The Cask of Amontillado”: critical response . E2:1–E2:3

3 Lord of the Flies: pigs and evil . E3:1–E3:5

Creative writing

1 Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers …” . C1:1–C1:4

2 Deceptions of love: sonnets and analysis of Iago’s deceptions in

Othello by William Shakespeare . C2:1–C2:7

3 “The Masquerade, the Fox and the Quilt”: a new soliloquy for Iago and an explanation of its significance . C3:1–C3:6

Response to literature

1 Theban letter to the editor . R1:1–R1:3

2 Hamlet’s dream . R2:1–R2:4

3 Poetry assignment: animal poems . R3:1–R3:3

4 Poem commentary: “Dulce et Decorum Est” by Wilfred Owen R4:1–R4:6

5 Persuasive speech: “Choose Humanity” . R5:1–R5:5

General introduction

Teacher support material accompanies the guide for each subject group and the personal project within the Middle Years Programme (MYP) This document, which contains assessed student work, is printed in loose-leaf format for ease of use

Teacher support material is intended to give practical help that supports understanding and implementation of the theory evident in the guides for the subject groups The main focus of the student work assessment is the use of the final assessment criteria, but other issues are also addressed, such as the appropriateness of tasks set in an MYP classroom

Acknowledgments

Thanks are due to the schools and students who allowed the use of their work in this document and to the experienced MYP practitioners who worked so carefully on the student work assessment pages

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Introduction to the assessed student work

In this teacher support material, each example of assessed student work is divided into two parts:

• student work assessment

• student work

Student work assessment

The student work assessment shows clearly for each example how the chosen work was assessed using the published final assessment criteria A box in the top right-hand corner of the page shows the criterion levels given to the piece of work The title of the work follows this on the page

A Background section describes the work done to produce the final piece Other explanatory

information is included in this section, such as time allowed for the assignment, the important points to note in this example and the appropriateness of the task in relation to the final assessment criteria

The Assessment section looks closely at each criterion addressed by the example The criterion levels

given have been awarded by experienced MYP practitioners The relevant descriptor from each criterion is given A paragraph follows that explains why the level shown was given This paragraph may also contain more detailed comments on certain parts of the assignment, reference to the appropriateness of using a specific task to address a particular criterion and any other remarks thought

to be helpful to teachers

Student work

The student work itself follows the student work assessment in each example For ease of use, all the student work has been transcribed However, the pieces of work are presented in their original styles, which may include spelling, grammatical and any other errors Some points of detail in these pieces of work will not be relevant More importance should be given to the fact that these examples show the application of the assessment criteria in evaluating student work and also reveal some of the various standards of work that may be encountered by teachers in the MYP

Specific characteristics of the samples

It should also be remembered that these examples of student work come largely from students in the fifth year of the MYP and have also been taken mostly from moderation samples It is possible that modified criteria may be used for assessing the work of younger students or, indeed, a school may have its own system of ensuring that the subject objectives are being addressed by these students The examples here also tend to adhere to the prescribed minimum set down in the moderation guidelines for each subject group, but teachers are encouraged to continue to use a wide variety of assessment tools, both formative and summative, as they evaluate the work of their students

English A Essay

Student work assessment

Criterion A B C Level achieved 5 5 5

Night (Elie Wiesel): analysis of the death march and

the train journey

Background

At the end of the unit studying Elie Wiesel’s Night, the students wrote an analytical essay discussing

the work as a memoir The specifics of the assignment were as follows

Assignment

• Criterion A: content The essay must address the topic in detail, making more than one key

point; quotes and examples should be used to support each point; the essay should demonstrate a solid understanding of the text and the underlying ideas relevant to the topic; the essay should explore the topic with some originality and depth; the essay should discuss the text as a memoir

• Criterion B: organization Each paragraph must be relevant to the topic; the essay must

follow the accepted structure of introduction, development and conclusion; each paragraph should contain references to the text and links from references to the topic; each paragraph should explore one central point

• Criterion C: style and language usage The style must be appropriate for an essay;

vocabulary should be varied and suitable for analytical discussion; literary terms should be used where appropriate; there should be few language errors; there should be no spelling errors in word-processed work

The assignment followed several weeks’ study of Night Prewriting took the form of mind-maps in

which students organized their thoughts in outline format (one week) Students wrote a rough draft (two weeks’ homework) on which they received feedback in writing circles Students then incorporated suggestions for improvement into their final draft (one week)

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E1 : 2

Assessment

Level of

achievement Descriptor

or theme The work displays adequate detail, development and support Creative pieces

reflect a degree of imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates an awareness of the author’s intention and techniques

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• displays a sufficient understanding of the theme, explaining how the train journey and death march show memories

• includes some explanation of the points made; more thorough explanations would provide greater development, enabling the piece to reach a level 6

• utilizes direct quotes for support; further explanation of how these quotes prove each point would provide better development and support

Level of

achievement Descriptor

presented in a logical manner Paragraph structure and transitions are apparent When such devices are required, some attention is paid to critical apparatus

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• employs basic organization, grouping each idea into its own paragraph

• explains thoughts clearly and coherently

• utilizes some transitions within paragraphs; using transitions between paragraphs would enhance the effectiveness of the organization

• incorporates quotations throughout the essay set off in parentheses; building the quotes into the text itself would create a more natural style

• could have better utilized the introduction and conclusion, providing a more effective set-up and closure, leading to a stronger overall argument

Criterion C: style and language usage Maximum level 10

Level of

achievement Descriptor

errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder

communication The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• makes few errors; writing is accurate

• attempts to use a register appropriate to the task; inconsistencies in register occur with the occasional colloquialism

• sometimes repeats expressions; a more precise and varied vocabulary would improve the style

Student work

Analytical essay responding to Elie Wiesel’s Night

There are many events and incidents that I find effective that are Night I have decided that one event stands out over all the others That is the death march and the train journey after the march (chapter 7) The death march takes place in the end of the book (chapter 6) and is really terrifying The Germans are losing the war and they decide to abandon the concentration camps with the Jews and bring them to safe places The death March is an incredible event The Jews, including Elie Wiesel, have been weakened sincerely by the months in which they have lived in the concentration camps They are forced to march at quite a fast pace through the night In this march many Jews die and it is amazing that many were able to keep up with the pace because they were so weakened They had marched for 42 miles before they were able to rest The book describes this event from the view

of Elie Wiesel, similarly all of the events in the book

The other event is on the train This event covers a time period of many days The Jews have been put into a train and receive very little food and drink The things that stand out in this event are that the Jews even start killing each other for just a few crumbs of bread Another thing that stands out is the amount of people that died during the train journey 100 people were put in the wagon where Elie Wiesel was in and only a dozen people came out alive

I find these incidents so effective because of the amazing things that happen during the time For the death March I find the way that Elie Wiesel has written it, is quite effective He doesn’t bore us with the endless thinking of what he should do He picks out the most interesting points of the journey and talks about those An example of this is when the boy falls on the ground just because he has a stomach ache, and dies (“I can’t go any longer My stomach’s bursting ”) This event shows us how harsh the Jews were treated and how difficult the journey was The two main events that happen are some of the most important and interesting ones that happen in the book They are one of the most important events because they are events that follow up to the death of Elie’s father They are one of the interesting events because as I said the events that happen are amazing The two events stand out Somehow I find that they stand out and stay in my memory better than the rest

The death march is fast paced This is because it is an interesting and frightening event Elie Wiesel uses mostly negative images because it was a terrifying event and because of his hatred for the Nazis The negative images that Elie gives are for example, the commanding of the Nazi soldiers (“Faster, you filthy sons of bitches, pg 97), the forcing of marching in the night and the death of so many people in the incident The mood is quite sad because he keeps on thinking about not stopping and having pity on his father He also describes the death of a Polish boy, who died just because of having

a stomach ache The death march is a good title for it because it was a torture to the Jews and many of them died The author first gives an example of a person dying showing how terrible it was (“I can’t

go any longer, stomach’s bursting”, pg 97), and then describes the torture he goes through (“my painful foot, a shudder went through me at each step”, pg 98) and then finally the struggle to stay alive (“My father’s presence was the only thing that stopped me… … I had no right to let myself die What would he do without me.”, pg98) The style is quite easy to read because of the intention of it to the readers, which is that it will be exciting and understood The quote “We were masters of nature, masters of the world, we had forgotten everything, pg 99,” uses words that make the passage interesting and very fast to read It is difficult to do this with difficult language

The train journey occurs further on in the book It takes place over a few days It is important because,

it is one of the reasons why Elie’s farther died It is also one of the last big negative incidents where the Jews had to suffer It is effective because some things that were done were very special and I

English A Essay

Student work assessment

Criterion A B C Level achieved 8 7 5

“The Cask of Amontillado”: critical response

Background

Throughout the class’s study of the short story, different aspects of the genre were considered, including setting, plot structure, characterization, conflict, theme, mood and tone At the end of the unit, the students were asked to write a critical essay on a short story they had not read in class

Assignment

• Identify the theme of the story and show the literary devices the author has used to express this theme

• The essay should include direct quotes from the text

Brainstorming and organizing ideas were the first steps After this, each student completed a rough draft and then had a conference with the teacher to discuss suggestions for improvement

Assessment

Level of

achievement Descriptor

theme The work displays substantial detail, development and support Creative pieces

reflect substantial imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a good appreciation of the author’s intention and techniques

This work achieved level 8 because the student:

• thoughtfully discusses how different aspects of the short story contribute to the development of the theme, showing good understanding of the theme and genre

• clearly explains irony—a concept that is difficult for many students—showing good understanding

of the short story

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Level of

achievement Descriptor

presented in a thoughtful, logical manner Paragraph structure and transitions help to

develop the ideas When such devices are required, sufficient attention is paid to

critical apparatus

This work achieved level 7 because the student:

• has written a clear and coherent essay

• structures paragraphs well, with ideas developing logically and naturally

• utilizes quotations effectively with occasional minor errors

• organizes ideas logically, allowing arguments to develop persuasively

• uses transitions within paragraphs to contribute to the development of ideas; transitions between paragraphs could be stronger, allowing a more persuasive development of the overall argument

Level of

achievement Descriptor

errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder

communication The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• utilizes a suitable register throughout the essay

• attempts to vary the vocabulary, with variable success

• commits errors frequently while striving for effective sentence variety

Student work

Analytical essay discussing “The Cask of Amontillado”

Some themes are only true for a curtain period in history, however the “The Cask of Amontillado” by the famous writer Edgar Allan Poe is not one of them This short story is about a man versus his rival friend, the dislikes between them and the way one deals with this rivalry by his eagerness for revenge Revenge is the simple theme itself around which like the bricks to the foundation the literary elements bring it come alive The literary elements such as point of view, characters and conflict along with numerous numbers of irony are all involved in this sp1endid piece of work by the writer

First off all the way this story was written is different to which we have read in class it’s not only harder but makes you open up a whole new side to the story The reason for that being Poe writes this

story form the perspective of Montresor (our protagonist) who vows revenge against Fortunato (the

antagonist) in an effort to support and keep his family motto ”Nemo me impune lacessit” which basically means no one can attack me with out being punished I believe and feel that the reader becomes quickly aware of the fact that Montresor is not a reliable narrator, due to the fact that he has

a tendency to exaggerate terribly, as he refers to the “thousand injuries” that he has suffered at the hands of Fortunato He also tries to convince the reader that his intentions are only for honoring his family’s traditional motto Poe I believe doesn’t want us to simplify with Montresor because he has been wronged by Fortunato but rather judge him Telling the story from the protagonist’s point of view intensifies the effect of moral horror And by this the reader without noticing jumps or is inside the sinister mind of our protagonist

The second literally element which I have noticed was the way Poe used the characters of the story and the way he played with their creation Although several characters were mentioned the main focus lays on Montresor the narrator of this horror story, and Fortunato for who Montresor pledges revenge for his insults When the two actually meet during the carnival, there is a warm greeting with shaking

of hands which Montresor attributes to the fact that Fortunato had been drinking Montresor also appears to be “happy” to see Fortunato since he is planning to murder him Fortunato’s clown or party costume appears to be appropriate not only for the carnival season but also for the fact that Montresor intends to make a “fool” out of him

The most significant and probably the clearest element used by Poe is irony in all kinds There are numerous examples of verbal irony (character says one thing and means something else) within Montresor’s words He expresses his concern about Fortunato’s health, and several times suggest they should go back for the fear of Fortunato’s caught One of the stories best lines is also ironic, there Montresor in response to Fortunato saying,” I will not die of a cough.” Montresor says,”True-true ” Other examples of irony are when Montresor toasts Fortunato a long life as well as when he addresses

at the end Fortunato to rest in peace! Dramatic irony also (the reader perceives something that a character in the story does not) occurs when the reader becomes painfully aware of what will become

of Fortunato even though the character continues his descent into the catacombs in pursuit of the Amontillado

The Cask of Amontillado is truly a great work of literature and one recommends it to all who wish to see an ironic horror within or with the eyes of a complicated and strange character In this story everything contributed to a curtain unique and single effect Poe further adds to this effect by calling the character Fortunato (who is anything but fortunate), and by the end of Poe’s story, Montresor has gotten his revenge against unsuspecting Fortunato, whose taste for wine has led him to his death Once again we are reminded of the coat of arms and the Montresor family motto The insignia is symbolic of Montresor’s evil character, who like the serpent intends to get revenge

English A Essay

Student work assessment

Criterion A B C Level achieved 9 9 9

Lord of the Flies: pigs and evil

Background

After studying Lord of the Flies by William Golding, the students wrote an expository essay, selecting

one of three possible topics All three questions were based on ideas already discussed/analysed/ considered in class While the possible topics provided enough guidance for the weaker students, the topics also provided room for the more able students to explore new ideas

Assignment

• Select one of the following topics to develop into an expository essay, utilizing a variety of precise quotes to support your view

1 Discuss how one symbol encapsulates the theme of Lord of the Flies

2 Select a main character Discuss how this character represents a main idea of the novel

3 In many works of literature, nature parallels society, illustrating the significance of

setting Explain how this technique is utilized in Lord of the Flies

• Strive for a well-organized, articulate, thoughtful response to the question, showing your perceptive understanding of the novel

The writing process started with the students generating their thoughts in a brainstorm, then selecting and organizing their ideas into an outline with specific supporting quotes from the text, and noting the principles of organization used After the outline was finished, the students worked in peer groups to explain their ideas, both the content and the organization Over the course of three lessons, the students wrote a rough draft They then edited this draft using feedback from their peers, an essay self-check list and the MYP criteria The edited draft was then submitted to the teacher for feedback All suggestions for improvement were considered and possibly incorporated into the final draft, taking one week to complete

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 E3 : 2

Assessment

Level of

achievement Descriptor

or theme The work consistently displays illustrative detail, development and support Creative pieces reflect a high degree of imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention

and techniques

This work achieved level 9 because the student:

• demonstrates a sophisticated analysis of the author’s intention and techniques by noting key scenes and explaining the significance of nuance and the implication of language

• exhibits a perceptive understanding by identifying the theme of the work captured in one symbol The pigs, and the horrors that happen to them throughout the novel, clearly encapsulate the theme

of the work

• selects and incorporates quotes effectively, interweaving key passages seamlessly into the text

• explains the significance and relevance of each quote within each paragraph, thus providing consistent, thorough development of the ideas

• makes some slightly weaker connections between the symbol and the theme, resulting in a level 9 rather than a level 10

Level of

achievement Descriptor

are presented in a perceptive and persuasive manner Paragraph structure and transitions

effectively develop and substantiate the ideas being expressed When such devices

are required, critical conventions and apparatus are used in a sophisticated manner

This work achieved level 9 because the student:

• structures arguments effectively, clearly showing the development of the central idea throughout the text

• presents ideas clearly and coherently

• organizes paragraphs effectively, making an assertion and then proving the claim through explanation and quotation interwoven naturally

• utilizes transitions within paragraphs well; however, these transitions could be improved

Criterion C: style and language usage Maximum level 10

Level of

achievement Descriptor

infrequent errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax The student has mastered the use of a register suitable to intention and audience

This work achieved level 9 because the student:

• utilizes a varied and precise word choice

• consistently uses an effective register

• experiments with new expressions, with some being more effective than others These occasional misused phrases result in a level 9 rather than a level 10

Student work

Expository essay in response to Lord of the Flies

Is evil an inevitable aspect of man that is hidden by the mask of civilisation? In his confronting and shocking novel, Lord of the Flies, Golding portrays the evil within man through a seemingly innocent animal; a pig Throughout the novel, the characters represent the fall from civility to a state of savage dimensions as the mask of civilisation slowly disintegrates The influence of society on an individual can control the evil within him However, as this influence fades and gradually disappears, evil emerges and dictates the actions and thoughts of that individual The diminishing of societal influence

is demonstrated by the killing of the pigs in Lord of the Flies

Golding shows the boys’ initial innocence through their inability to kill pigs The boys consider the hunting of pigs as a challenge and do not foresee the atrocious and shocking consequences of a seemingly innocent game They are unable to imagine these consequences because they are protected

by the shield of society The society in which the boys formerly lived protected them from anything that might sully their innocence thus preventing them from seeing further than their immediate actions When given the opportunity to kill a pig, Jack is unable to do so ‘ because of the enormity of the knife descending and cutting into living flesh ’ The boys are still under the strong influence of societal norms and abide to the rules set by figures of authority in their former lives Society views children as a symbol of innocence and the education of children is influenced by this perception

As the novel proceeds the influence of society diminishes and the boys become more eager to spill blood, reflecting the emergence of evil and the loss of innocence Contrary to the initial reluctance to kill a living animal, Jack is now eager to make his first kill This readiness to kill is a sign of the surfacing of evil within him Although he fails on his first attempt, he is consequently all the more determined to kill a pig

‘ [T]he compulsion to track down and kill… was swallowing him up.’ As a result of the weakening influence of authority and order, the boys are relatively free to do as they please Jack interprets this freedom as being able to kill without having to bear the consequences However, societal influence has not been completely lost Despite the fact that Jack is proud of the atrocity which he has committed, ‘ “I cut the pig’s throat,” said Jack, proudly ’ he is troubled by what he has done, ‘ and yet twitched as he said it.’ Jack somewhat realises that what he has done is wrong and is afraid, showing that he retains some of his innocence

The increase in the brutality and violence of the killings reflects the decrease of societal influence on the boys Jack becomes obsessed with hunting and as the frequency of these killings increases, so does the violence with which they are committed The passion with which the hunters hunt and ‘The desire to squeeze and hurt ’ becomes uncontrollable until they are unable to stop themselves The

killings escalate until they become more than just killings ‘ [T]he sow fell and the hunters hurled

themselves at her Jack was on top of the sow, stabbing downward The sow collapsed under them and they were heavy and fulfilled upon her.’ Jack and his gang commit this killing in such a savage manner that it no longer resembles a killing; rather, it is portrayed as a gang rape This brutal action is the quintessence of evil, the killings are no longer a mere necessity for survival, they have become acts of pure malevolence The destructive and evil nature of man has overtaken the boys and they are compelled to kill Moreover, their ability to distinguish right from wrong has been lost because they

no longer possess proper morals and values The apparent lack of order within the group of boys allows for the true face of evil to replace the mask of civilisation

The increase in the frequency and brutality of the pig killings represents the evil in man that is allowed to overtake when the influence of society is lost Through the killing of pigs in his novel Lord

English A Creative writing

Student work assessment

Criterion A B C Level achieved n/a 6 5

Poem: “She Came with Cold Fingers …”

Background

While studying poetry, along with the usual range of poetic devices and styles of poetry, the importance of structure and its role in developing meaning were emphasized At the end of this extensive poetry unit, students wrote original poems

Assignment

• Write an original poem

• The poem should create an experience for the reader by provoking feelings and thoughts (As the best writing springs from experience, it’s a good idea to draw on your own experiences.)

• The structure of the poem should complement and contribute to the meaning Incorporate poetic devices to enhance the ideas

A rough draft was submitted to the teacher, who discussed it with each student prior to the completion

of the final draft

If specific guidelines/discussion regarding content had been considered, this criterion could have been

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 C1 : 2

Level of

achievement Descriptor

presented in a logical manner Paragraph structure and transitions are apparent When such devices are required, some attention is paid to critical apparatus

This work achieved level 6 because the student:

• utilizes stanzas effectively, developing one image in each stanza

• develops ideas in a basic chronological order which, while clear, does not achieve the thoughtful order required for a level 7–8

Level of

achievement Descriptor

errors in spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax sometimes hinder

communication The student often uses a register suitable to intention and audience

This work achieved level 5 because the student:

• creates a consistent and appropriate tone of sad regret throughout the poem

• attempts to use rhyme with mixed results While the vocabulary is varied, some of the expressions are stilted

• commits frequent punctuation errors

Student work

Poem:

“She Came with Cold Fingers, She Left with my Heart”

She came with cold fingers, Asking for some warmth

Her boyfriend had left her, And had shown no remorse

I stopped to think, But only for a second

For I had let her in, When I awed strikingly beckoned

Now we both sat,

In the warm living room

As she warmed her hands, While looking out at the moon

For in the reflection,

Of the shimmering glass mirror

I saw not the moon, But a goddess mirrored

Her face was truly,

A wonderful sight to see

Her everlasting beauty, Crawled all over me

Her eyes were so gentle,

So soft and so free

I thought, “She is so caring, Like a willow tree.”

Her clothes are so modest,

So gentle and fair

That even if dirty, One could not care

Her hair was yellow straw, Her lips rose red

There wasn’t a flaw,

In anything that she said

Her face was a wonder,

Student work

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 C1 : 4

She was a splendor,

A gift from God

A playful image, That made me just nod

For whatever she said, Was filled with calm and care

I could not believe, That she really sat there

But it could not last,

It wasn’t to be

She took one last sip from her flask, Then turn to thank me

“You don’t have to go,”

I said with despair

There is a spare bedroom,

I don’t really care

But she just thanked me for helping her,

For taking her in

I said, “Not a problem, We’re all in a way, kin.”

And she was gone, She turned away

She left me alone, She came with cold fingers, but left with my heart

English A Creative writing

Student work assessment

Criterion A B C Level achieved 7 8 7

Deceptions of love: sonnets and analysis of Iago’s

deceptions in Othello by William Shakespeare

Background

After studying Othello by William Shakespeare, the students composed a piece of creative writing as

a follow-up writing activity The students kept a reading-response log while reading Othello They

formed five different acting companies; they picked a scene from one of the five acts; they prepared the scene; they made subtext decisions about elements such as costuming, staging and interpretation; they developed a director’s prompt book and presented the scenes to the class The teacher evaluated

the presentations The students also reviewed poetic devices and applied them to Othello as well as to

a selection of the sonnets

Assignment

• Create a pastiche, sonnets, creative prequel or sequel, love letters, or missing scene from

Othello, and provide notes explaining your choices and developments

• Remember that even though this is a creative piece, you are showing your knowledge of the play and analytical skills in interpreting characters and plot in a new way (content) Of course, structure must be purposeful and persuasive Language must also be used effectively and suited to the task chosen; choose either Shakespearean or modern Create your own ideas, and discuss them with your teacher for approval

• This will be a multi-draft piece (planning, rough draft, revision and a final draft)

• Choose one of the following topics for your assignment

1 Write a new monologue by one of the characters that provides insight into the character and plot

2 Choose a place in the play that you feel is missing some vital information, and write a new scene that reveals insight into the plot and characters

3 Write Othello: The Post Years revealing the characters’ lives after the end of the play

4 Write a series of four sonnets that tie into the play Othello and reveal information about

characters and/or plot

MYP English A Teacher Support Material © IBO, January 2004 C2 : 2

Assessment

Level of

achievement Descriptor

theme The work displays substantial detail, development and support Creative pieces

reflect substantial imagination and sensitivity The student’s response to literature demonstrates a good appreciation of the author’s intention and techniques

This work achieved level 7 because the student:

• demonstrates a good understanding of the theme of manipulation

• utilizes a variety of points of view in the sonnet, revealing a firm grasp of the relevant aspects of the theme

• begins to explain ideas thoroughly; however, further development of ideas in the analysis would provide a clearer explanation

Level of

achievement Descriptor

presented in a thoughtful, logical manner Paragraph structure and transitions help to

develop the ideas When such devices are required, sufficient attention is paid to

critical apparatus

This work achieved level 8 because the student:

• explains ideas clearly and coherently in the sonnets as well as in the analysis

• utilizes the structure of the sonnet accurately, organizing thoughts and rhyme scheme according to the specifications of this complicated poem

• employs consistent iambic pentameter with a fair degree of success: a difficult feat for the best of poets

Criterion C: style and language usage Maximum level 10

Level of

achievement Descriptor

spelling, pronunciation, punctuation and syntax rarely hinder communication The student consistently uses a register suitable to intention and audience

This work achieved level 7 because the student:

• incorporates quotes accurately

• writes with a good degree of accuracy even with more complicated structures

• utilizes a varied vocabulary, although some expressions and phrases are repeated within the analysis, which results in a level 7 rather than a level 8

Student work

Deceptions of love in Othello

Statement of intent

Othello a Moor and Venetian general, is wed to Desdemona, the daughter of a Venetian

senator After Othello gives Cassio the position of lieutenant, Iago, a close friend of Othello, plans to

destroy Othello In William Shakespeare’s Othello, Shakespeare uses Iago, who manipulates the other

characters through the deceptions of love he creates between the other characters, to show how love is easily manipulated into war

The sonnets and Shakespeare’s Othello reveal how Iago manipulates people through the

deception of love he creates between Desdemona and Othello, which leads to war Iago convinces Othello of Desdemona’s alleged infidelity with Cassio (3.3.224-36) and reassures Desdemona that Othello’s rage and jealousy is nothing to fear (4.2.194-6) With these deceptions Iago is able to drive Othello mad with jealousy, which in turn ends with the death of Othello and Desdemona In the beginning of the play, Iago makes Roderigo believe he can win Desdemona back if he is very wealthy (1.2.384-7) because Desdemona and Othello’s love is short-lived Iago is able to manipulate Roderigo through a deception in the love between Desdemona and Othello, which leads to his assault with

Cassio In the sonnets I showed the deception, made by Iago, which resulted in war and ultimately death For example, lines from Roderigo’s sonnet show the deceptions made by Iago (5, 6, 11, and 12),

which later lead to the conclusion, “I went to kill Cassio with my sword, but he did kill me without my last word” (13-14) Shakespeare uses a single character, Iago, to show how love is manipulated into war

Iago creates a deception of love and friendship between himself and the other characters, which lead to the manipulation of love into war Iago uses his own wife in order to obtain the handkerchief (3.3.363), which has the power to drive Othello and Desdemona apart (3.4.81) He deceives his wife who does not know why he wants the handkerchief but gives it to him because she loves him However, when she finds out what is happening he kills her Iago plays off of the relationships and specifically deceptions of love he creates between characters, in order to manipulate them into killing each other Emilia’s sonnet reads, “Though I fear he may be up to no good But it means so much to my fair lady I gave it to him to do as he wished” (2, 6, 10) I used this to show that in spite of the fact that Desdemona loved the handkerchief, and Emilia suspected Iago to be planning something, she gave the handkerchief to her husband This shows Emilia’s love toward Iago and her belief that Iago loves her in return Again, Shakespeare uses Iago to manipulate the other characters love into war

In Othello, love is used to bring people at war with one another and Shakespeare

demonstrates how this is easily accomplished with one character Iago devises an elaborate set of lies

in order to manipulate the other characters and bring them to war with each other Iago demonstrates Homo Faber in that he shows the ability of humans to think methodically