IELTS WRITING 2016 BY NGOC BACH

Dịch đại ý 18/4/2015 Nhiều người cho rằng trường học nên khen thưởng những học sinh đạt được kết quả học tập tốt nhất trong khi những người khác nghĩ rằng việc khen thưởng những học sin

(18/4/2015) Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best

academic results , while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Note for students: in each main paragraph, the topic sentence is followed by the sentences which develop from plan to paragraph The number in the plan is shown in the paragraph

This is how your plan can develop into your paragraph

Planning the ideas

Based on our identification of the key words, our plan will be something like this:

Introduce idea: there are different views My opinion – reward students who show

improvements

Paragraph 2: [View I disagree with]

[1] rewards = competition among students Result: children try harder to get good scores at school

[2] rewards = the best students are identified They can be given special attention to develop their abilities Personal example: my own school

Paragraph 3: [View I agree with]

[1] equal chance for all students to receive rewards Result: all children are motivated to try hard

[2] promotes learning for enjoyment and understanding, not to gain high scores Reduces exam pressure and cheating to score high marks

Conclusion: repeat using some different words

Written by Ngoc Bach

ANSWER:

It is true that the question of whether to reward students with excellent academic results or those

showing great improvements remains a source of controversy in the education field While a

number of people believe that only students achieving the highest grades deserve rewards, I would argue that praising students who achieve improvements is much more reasonable

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why awards should be given to students having excellent academic performances [1] Firstly, this could create a highly competitive studying

environment at school, seeing that students often desire to win prizes As a consequence, school children could be encouraged to put their effort into studying for the highest scores [2] Secondly, by adopting this approach, gifted students who are outstanding could be given

opportunities to nurture their abilities My secondary school, for instance, selects students with

the best results for extra classes to develop their capabilities in order to take them to national competitions

On the other hand, I believe that giving encouragement to those who make strides in their

studies results in more favourable outcomes [1]The first benefit is that this could give equal

chances for every student to receive awards, rather than only focus on the highest achievers

Instead of feeling disappointed when competing with their top classmates, students who are recognized for their effort during semesters will feel motivated if they are rewarded for making significant progress [2] Another benefit is that this form of recogniton follows the holistic principle of learning, which is to access the world of knowledge, not just to gain high scores

Consequently, several common phenomena which occur when examinations approach, including pressure, anxiety and cheating, would be reduced

In conclusion, although rewarding students with the highest scores is advantageous to some extent, it seems to me that it is better to give encouragement to those who have improved their level of academic performance

318 words

COMMENTS

Correctly, you discussed both views at approximately equal length

You maintained a consistent and clear position throughout the response [in the introduction, the conclusion and at the beginning of paragraph 3] You certainly sequenced information and ideas logically

I like the fact that you used paragraph 3 to discuss the view which YOU personally agree with This method then provides the perfect link to what you wrote in your conclusion

Your excellent topic sentences provided a clear indication of the central idea in each main paragraph, and

I always like the use of On the one hand/On the other hand when we have to „discuss both views‟ Of course, we both agree that Firstly/Secondly is useful to identify arguments in one of the main paragraphs

Dịch đại ý

(18/4/2015) Nhiều người cho rằng trường học nên khen thưởng những học sinh đạt được kết quả học tập tốt nhất trong khi những người khác nghĩ rằng việc khen thưởng những học sinh có kết quả tiến bộ quan trọng hơn Hãy thảo luận cả hai quan điểm trên và nêu ra

ý kiến của cá nhân bạn

Đưa ra lý do cho câu trả lời của bạn bao gồm những ví dụ thích hợp từ kinh nghiệm và kiến thức của bản than

ĐÁP ÁN:

Ở lĩnh vực giáo dục, câu hỏi được đặt ra là liệu có nên khen thưởng những học sinh đạt thành tích học tập xuất sắc hay những bạn có sự tiến bộ rõ rệt vẫn đang là vấn đề tranh cãi Trong khi một số người tin rằng chỉ những học sinh sinh viên đạt điểm số cao nhất mới xứng đáng được khen thưởng, tôi cho rằng sẽ hợp lý hơn khi biểu dương những học sinh đạt được những tiến bộ trong học tập

Một mặt, có rất nhiều lý do khác nhau để khen thưởng những học sinh có thành tích học tập xuất sắc Trước hết, điều này tạo nên môi trường học tập có tính cạnh tranh gắt gao ở trường học bởi các em học sinh thường mong muốn giành lấy phần thưởng Do đó, các em được khuyến khích

nỗ lực vào việc học để đạt được điểm số cao nhất Thứ hai, bằng các áp dụng phương pháp này, những học sinh có tố chất và nổi bật có được nhiều cơ hội hơn để bồi dưỡng năng khiếu Ví dụ như tại trường cấp hai của tôi, những bạn học sinh có kết quả cao nhất được chọn lựa để học tại các lớp bồi dưỡng giúp phát triển khả năng để tham gia vào các kỳ thi cấp quốc gia

Mặt khác, tôi cho rằng việc khen thưởng động viên cho các em học sinh có những bước tiến trong học tập sẽ dẫn đến nhiều kết quả đáng mong đợi Lợi ích trước tiên đó là các em học sinh

có cơ hội bình đẳng như nhau để được nhận khen thưởng, không chỉ chú trọng vào những em có thành tích tốt nhất Thay vì cảm thấy thất vọng khi phải ganh đua với các bạn học sinh giỏi nhất lớp, các em học sinh được ghi nhận có nỗ lực trong học kỳ sẽ cảm thấy có động lực nếu các em được khen thưởng nhờ những tiến bộ vượt bậc Một ưu điểm nữa đó là hình thức ghi nhận này dựa vào đúng nguyên tắc toàn diện trong việc học tập, tiếp cận thế giới tri thức chứ không chỉ là

Written by Ngoc Bach

đạt được điểm số cao Do đó, một vài hiện tượng xảy ra khi các kỳ thi đến gần như áp lực, căng thẳng và gian lận sẽ được giảm thiểu

Tóm lại, mặc dù việc khen thưởng các em học sinh có điểm số cao nhất là có lợi ở một mức độ nào đó, cá nhân tôi cho rằng sẽ tốt hơn nếu khen thưởng động viên cả những em học sinh có tiến

bộ trong việc học tập

VOCABULARY

 a source of controversy = a subject of public discussion, about which people strongly

disagree

Example: The decision of the President to declare war is still a source of controversy

today

 highly competitive = a situation in which people or organisations have to compete

against each other

Example: Graduates have to fight for jobs in a highly competitive market

 nurture their abilities = to develop their capacity to learn or do things while they are

growing

Example: Her music teacher recognised and nurtured her abilities, and as a result she

became a famous pianist

 make strides in = to make great improvements in the way that something is developing Example: Scientists are making strides in the discovery of cures for different types of

cancer

 the highest achievers = the students who have the most success and the highest marks Example: The highest achievers in my secondary school all went to university when

they left

 the holistic principle of learning = considering education as a whole thing, rather than

as separate facts or subjects

Example: The holistic principle of learning is a belief that the education of young

people involves more than simply preparing them for a career

(09/05/2015) Developments in technology have brought various environmental problems Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve environmental problems Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems Discuss both views and give your opinion

Note for students: in each main paragraph, the topic sentence is followed by the sentences which develop from plan to paragraph The number in the plan is shown in the paragraph

This is how your plan can develop into your paragraph

Planning the ideas

Based on our identification of the key words, our plan will be something like this:

Introduce idea: advances in technology have harmed the environment Some people think we

must lead simpler lives, but I agree with those who think technological solutions can be found

for environmental problems Conclusion: repeat using some different words

Paragraph 2: [View I disagree with]

[1] People consume too much energy by overusing technological devices – examples of such devices Consequences for the environment

[2] Farming – modern technology harms the water and soil Organic farming relies on simpler traditional methods of food production

Paragraph 3: [View I agree with]

[1] Technology is already enabling us to exploit more renewable energy sources – example of Japan Good results for the environment

[2] Cleaner technologies in waste treatment and recycling – example of recycled products

Written by Ngoc Bach

ANSWER:

It is true that certain advances in technology have had negative impacts on the environment While there are strong arguments that some environmental problems should be tackled by adopting simpler lifestyles, I believe that the solutions lie in technologies that have been and are being developed

On the one hand, enjoying life with less sophisticated technology means that people inflict less damage on the ecosystems on which all living things depend [1] Firstly, people consume energy through overuse of devices such as air-conditioning, water heaters and the private car If they decrease their energy consumption, thiswill reduce the emission of greenhouse gases, but

this will certainly involve leading simpler lives [2] Secondly, organic farmers do not pollute the

water or the soil which results from the application of chemical fertilisers and weedkillers

They encourage a diversity of plants and wildlife on their farms

On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that technological achievements play a pivotal role in environmental protection [1] One reason is that the use of renewable energy sources is already starting to grow This raises the prospect of decreasing dependence on fossil fuels, cleaner air and the reversal of the trend of global warming Countries such as Japan are leading the way, for example, in developing more eco-friendly cars, buses and lorries [2] Another

reason is that cleaner technologies, such as waste treatment, are being introduced into many

industries, and technology is enabling plastics and other products to be recycled

In conclusion, although living simpler lives can certainly help in tackling environmental problems, it seems to me that advances in technology are already providing many solutions and this trend will gather pace in the future

278 words

COMMENT

Correctly, you provided several examples to support your arguments Limiting your ideas to two in each main paragraph was the key to this good response, and you focused on energy and pollution in both paragraphs, so your essay had a logical development Finally, you gave your own opinion clearly and consistently throughout the essay.Your topic sentences both indicated the main idea in each paragraph You identified your arguments clearly for the examiner You continue to achieve an exemplary standard

of grammatical accuracy and to use a satisfactory range of structures, such as correct conditional sentences, adverb clauses and relative clauses

VOCABULARY

 sophisticated technology: technology that is clever and complicated in the way that it

functions

Example: Medical techniques rely increasingly on sophisticated computer technology

 inflict damage on: make something, such as the environment, suffer something harmful Example: The earthquake inflicted damage on many homes and farmland

 ecosystems: all the plants and animals living in various areas, considered in relation to

their environment

Example: The ecosystems of rainforests are very diverse, because millions of different

plants and animals live there

 the emission of greenhouse gases: the release into the air of gases which cause the

temperature of the earth to rise

Example: The governments of the world have agreed to reduce the emission of greenhouse gases

 chemical fertilisers: chemical substances added to the soil to make plants grow

Example: Modern farming relies on chemical fertilisers, which are harmful if they are used near rivers

 weedkillers: chemical substances that are used to destroy wild plants, especially among

farm crops

Example: Many farmers use weedkillers, so that farm workers are not required in order

to destroy the wild plants which grow among the crops

 play a pivotal role: a role which is very important, because other things depend on it Example: Agriculture plays a pivotal role in the economy of many Asian countries

 renewable energy sources: sources of energy which are replaced naturally, such as

power from the sun or the wind

Example: Modern technology is responsible for the development of renewable energy sources such as wind, solar and wave power

 dependence on fossil fuels: fuels such as coal or oil, that were formed over million of

years from the remains of animals or plants, on which some countries rely for much of

their energy production

Written by Ngoc Bach

Example: Dependence on fossil fuels has the environmental disadvantage that greenhouse gases are released when these fuels are burned

 global warming: the increase in the temperature of the earth, caused by the increase of

greenhouse gases

Example: Greater use of renewable energy resources is necessary in order to combat

global warming

 eco-friendly: not harmful to the environment

Example: As a result of modern technology, we can now find more eco-friendly

products in the shops

 waste treatment: the treatment of materials that are no longer needed and are thrown

away

Example: In modern processes of waste treatment, environmentally harmful substances

can be removed

(12/07/2014) Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the

government Some people think that is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable Discuss both views and give your own opinion

I have indicated the key words in the task question in red colour

Note for students: in each main paragraph, the topic sentence is followed by the sentences which develop from plan to paragraph The number in the plan is shown in the paragraph

This is how your plan can develop into your paragraph

Planning the ideas

Based on our identification of the key words, our plan will be something like this:

Introduce idea: more young people occupy important government positions Some people

think there are serious drawbacks, but I agree that there are more benefits

Paragraph 2: [View I disagree with]

[1] Argument 1: many older people think young people lack the necessary qualifications to have such responsible positions [the economy/foreign policy] – example: Eastern countries [2] Argument 2: younger people don‟t have enough experience – they may make important mistakes

Paragraph 3: [View I agree with]

[1] Young people often have creative and modern ways of looking at problems: result – new styles of management and new policy ideas

[2] The young have many years of possible service to give in the future, provided they have the same abilities/qualifications as older people

Conclusion: repeat using some different words

ANSWER:

It is true that the number of young people who hold highly responsible posts in the government is growing While some people are opposed to this idea, I support the view that this trend is beneficial at present

On the one hand, this trend has some notable drawbacks [1] The main issue is that it is really hard for the young to make older people accept their leadership, especially in some Eastern nations Young leaders are always thought to have insufficient capabilities to manage such aspects of policy as the economy or international affairs [2] In addition, all of them are short of

real experience If they have not faced many challenges in their career, they are more likely to

make mistakes, which can affect the lives of many people

On the other hand, it seems to me that young people are becoming an increasingly important part

of the government and bring a lot of benefits [1] One reason is that their youth is a huge

advantage which allows them to be creative and up-to-date This is likely to result in many innovative breakthrough policies and styles of management [2] Furthermore, the young have a very long period of time to contribute to their nations For example, with the same abilities and

qualifications, a younger candidate is more likely to be elected than an older counterpart in some countries because of his longer anticipated time of devotion to public service in the future

Written by Ngoc Bach

In conclusion, although there are strong arguments for both views, it seems to me that on the whole it is beneficial that more young people are being selected to play some key roles in the government

276 words

COMMENT

Your opinion is clear in the introduction and the conclusion.The essay discusses you opinions well and you make relevant points for both sides of the argument, which are well supported by specific examples and explained well As with other essays, the conclusion is weak and should briefly summarise the main points in the essay

There is a clear overall progression in the writing and ideas are arranged coherently Paragraphs and sentences are well constructed Good topic sentences.You use a range of linkers throughout the essay