HOW TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS

Debate “Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach.” ~Aristotle I’ve been mostly introverted for a majority of my life, often running away from issues that could cause a damaging conversation between me and another person. Experience has taught me that when I get upset, I don’t naturally handle my hardship with grace. I worked as a restaurant manager for some years, and it was just too easy to react to the frustration I felt when an employee disregarded my request that they stock the bathroom with paper towels, or wash the front windows.

HOW TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS

CALMLY AND EFFECTIVELY

Debate

“Those that know, do Those that understand, teach.” ~Aristotle

I’ve been mostly introverted for a majority of my life, often running away from issues that could cause a damaging conversation between me and another person

Experience has taught me that when I get upset, I don’t naturally handle my hardship with grace

I worked as a restaurant manager for some years, and it was just too easy to react to the frustration I felt when an employee disregarded my request that they stock the bathroom with paper towels, or wash the front windows

I would either explode, or I would remain silent I couldn’t figure out how to simply approach the person and work through the issue And, of course, as the restaurant is an incredibly fast-paced environment, there was no time to process these dysfunctional circumstances

But as life naturally works out, I found myself unemployed for a small stint, whereupon I had the chance

to muse over the past and discover the reasons why my voice wasn’t being heard and understood

And we all want to be understood Maybe you relate to my experience in that, at times, no matter how hard you try, it seems that no one gets it Then we make efforts to force people to appreciate us,

defending our case over and over, which can simply create negativity and make the situation more incomprehensible

If you find this happening, pause for a moment Consider the idea that, in many cases, we are more likely

to be understood by others if we are understanding of them

This does take a bite out of the ego, and yeah—that hurts

But it doesn’t mean dropping your position It will actually strengthen your case to learn and respect the opinions of others—even when they are disrespectful of yours More often than not, you will find that they eventually return the favor

You can sit quietly on the couch in your own home and ponder another person’s viewpoint

This is the foundation to effectively debating your opinions I follow this concept and frequently find that

my voice is heard and accepted amongst people who have differing opinions than my own

Here are some tips that can help you get that long-awaited point across:

1 Understand that your anger is a normal, natural reaction

It’s okay to feel angry about a wrongdoing However, at a certain point, anger becomes a choice It is at this time when you can make efforts to understand the other person’s position

I catch myself getting angry at just about every inconvenience, but through some practice I am able to move past the feeling without becoming its victim

2 Do not express your view until you feel calm and comfortable

Many times we have a tiny intuitive voice in our mind that tells us to be patient, but because it is tiny, we ignore it When we do so, we may say something that will be counterproductive to our goal

3 Set the goal of helping others.

If you want to express your opinion about an important issue, but you do not have the benefit of others

in mind, you may inadvertently come across as selfish or boorish

4 Relate to the opinions of others

Consider the phrase, “I see where you’re coming from.” Pause on that phrase until you actually do understand their side

Many people will say, “I see where you’re coming from—but…” This won’t show them that you really get

it Think of a time you have been in their position either on a larger or smaller scale Often, if you relay this story to them, it assures them you really do get it

5 Don’t fight

The moment you are in an argument and you begin to raise your voice, get upset, flail your arms, speak ill of others, you become irrational People are rarely going to hear you in this state of mind

6 Try not to take things personally

“Right and wrong” are harsh words to describe concepts that either “work or may not work.” Consider this when you begin to take the argument personally

7 Do not tell a person they are wrong

Perhaps you don’t agree with their position, but insulting them, cutting them off, will only cause them to get defensive, and perhaps do the same to you

8 If you’re unable to communicate effectively, take responsibility for that

If you do not successfully get your point across, do not solely blame the other person Conversation is never less than a two-way street

Your mind will tell you the places where you made a mistake Simply reflect on these and decide what will be better to do the next time

9 Learn when to walk away

If you feel that you are at that messy point where you can’t get the other person to listen, just let it go You can revisit the issue later, but forcing it now will only make things worse

It’s also true that space and time after a confusing conversation will help others to reflect on the

important points that you discussed, which will help them to identify with your position

What helps you speak your mind calmly and effectively?