The secrets to learning NLP by lloyd johnson

... such! as! the! car! is! quite! slow,! and! if! they! accept! that! thought! then! they’ll!be!more!likely !to! base!their!thinking!on!it!further! into !the! conversation.! B!38!B The, Secrets, to, Learning, NeuroFLinguistic,Programming... the! first!lectures!on !NLP! by !the! founders. !The! relevant!information!about!Anchoring!starts! towards !the! bottom!of!Page!84.! ! !! B!34!B The, Secrets, to, Learning, NeuroFLinguistic,Programming ! Technique&4:&Milton&Model&... effective! if! you! touch! them! in! exactly! the! same! place!on!their!knee,!as!opposed !to! touching!them! a!few!inches !to !the! left!or !the! right);!and! The! NUMBER"of!times!you!anchor!it! (The! more! times!

A"Quick"Note"on""Piracy""

My!primary!goal!for!this!book!is!to!share!knowledge!and!to! make!your!life!better.!Honestly.!It!is!very!much!a!secondary!

goal!of!this!to!book!to!generate!any!income.!

!

If" you" bought" this" book" from" me:! Thank! you! for!

supporting! my! work!! Your! purchase! motivates! me! to! continue! producing! information! like! this.! Every! book! sold! means! something! to! me,! every! sale! signifies! one! additional! person!that!has!been!introduced!to!!

"Everything,we're,going,to,tell,you,here,is,a,lie.,, All,generalizations,are,lies.,Since,we,have,no, claim,on,truth,or,accuracy,,we,will,be,lying, consistently,through,this,seminar.,,

There,are,only,two,differences,between,us,and, other,teachers:,One,is,that,we,announce,at,the, beginning,of,our,seminars,that,everything,we, say,will,be,a,lie,,and,other,teachers,do,not.,Most, of,them,believe,their,lies.,They,don't,realize,that,

they,are,made,up.,, The,other,difference,is,that,most,of,our,lies,will, work,out,really,well,if,you,act,as,if,they,are,true.",

B!Richard!Bandler,!CoBFounder!of!NLP!

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When! I! first! heard! about! NeuroBLinguistic!Programming! (NLP)! my! initial! impulse! was! to! dismiss!it.!The!people!that!I!met!who!were!talking!so!highly!of!it!were! rarely! the! sort! of! people! I! wanted! to! emulate.!They! talked! about! learning! how! the! mind! worked! and!taking! charge! of! your! results,! but! I! didn't! really!understand! what! they! were! going! on! about.! Yet,! now!here!I!am,!writing!a!book!about!The!Secrets!of!Learning!NLP.! ! And! you! may! be! wondering! what! must! have!changed!for!me!to!go!from!that!point!of!zero!knowledge!about!NLP,!all!the!way!through!to!absolute!fascination!and!dedicating!myself!to!sharing!it!with!others.!

When! I! first! heard! about! NLP,! my! problem! was! that!nobody!really!explained!it!to!me!so!I!didn't!understand!what!NLP!was.!There!are!loads!of!definitions!out!there!and!lots!of!explanations!about!how!it!can!help!you,!but!what!I!really!cared!about!was!what!was!in!it!for!me.!!It!wasn't!until!one!New!Year’s!Eve!that!I!truly!'got'!what!was! in! it! for! me.! From! that! point! forward,! learning!about! NLP! didn't! just! become! easy! and! effortless,! it!almost!became!an!obsession.!!

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NLP,! or! NeuroBLingustic! Programming,! is! such! a! wide!field!of!study!that!it!can!be!hard!to!define!simply.!NLP!is!a! way! of! thinking! about! ideas! and! people! that! allows!you! to! excel! in! any! field.! The! basic! premise! is! that! we!can! study! people! who! are! getting! great! results,! and!reduce! their! behaviours! down! to! a! model,! or! the! bare!minimum!required,!which!enables!them!to!consistently!get! their! results.! This! model! can! then! be! taught! and!shared.! It! allows! others! to! replicate! the! same! results!very!quickly.!For!this!reason,!NLP!is!often!called!“the!art!and!science!of!personal!excellence”.!

NLP!is!a!practical!skill!that!results!from!studying!what!makes! the! difference! between! excellence! and! average.!Through!the!pursuit!of!excellence,!NLP!leaves!behind!a!trail!of!highly!effective!techniques!with!applications!in!business,! therapy,! education! and! beyond.! ! At! the! nitty!gritty!level,!NLP!draws!on!general!semantics,!linguistics!and!other!techniques!like!hypnosis,!gestalt!therapy!and!family!therapy.!!So!really,!NLP!is!a!study!of!‘what!works’!and!the!study!of!how!you!produce!results.!

NLP! stands! for! NeuroBLingustic! Programming! and! can!be!broken!down!into!three!core!parts:!

Neuro! relates! to! the! nervous! system! (the! mind),!

through!which!our!experience!is!processed!via!the!five!senses! of! visual,! auditory,! kinesthetic,! olfactory! and!gustatory!(sight,!hearing,!touch,!smell!and!taste).!These!

five!senses!are!the!inputs!into!our!nervous!system!and!

the! sources! that! we! rely! upon! to! build! our! internal!experience.!

Lingustic! relates! to! language! and! other! nonBverbal!

communication! systems! through! which! our! neural!representations!are!coded,!ordered!and!given!meaning.!!This! includes! pictures,! sounds,! feelings,! tastes,! smells!and!words!(self!talk).!

Programming" relates! to! how! the! structure! and!

sequence!of!our!thoughts!will!lead!to!a!predictable!and!reliable!outcome.!

In"other"words,"NLP"is"how"to"use"the"language"of" the"mind"to"consistently"achieve"our"specific"and"

desired"outcomes."

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NLP!is!fairly!young,!!having!only!been!established!in!the!1970’s.!The!fundamentals!that!allowed!for!the!creation!of!NLP,!however,!began!long,!long!before!that.!

In! 1943,! Alfred! Korzybski! wrote! a! book! called! Science, and, Sanity! that! discussed! the! idea! of! Logical! Levels.!

Korzybski!said!something!really!interesting!in!his!book.!He! said,! “Almost! all! psychological! problems! were! the!result! of! the! inability! of! a! person! to! traverse! logical!levels”.! That’s! interesting! because! he! suggested! that!sometime! in! the! future! there! would! be! a! wholly!processed! description! of! the! human! being! that! would!come! along! and! actually! describe! the! processes! of! a!human! being.! ! That! is! what! we! today! call! NeuroBLinguistic!Programming.!

During! the! 1970's,! Richard! Bandler! and! Frank! Pucelik!became! friends! at! the! University! of! California! Santa!Cruz,!even!though!neither!of!them!were!students!there.!Bandler!and!Pucelik!were!both!personally!motivated!to!heal!themselves!from!their!less!than!pleasant!pasts.!On!their!own!personal!journeys!they!become!masterful!at!Gestalt! Therapy! just! by! observing! and! copying…! errr!Modelling…!the!behaviours!of!Fritz!Perls,!the!founder!of!Gestalt! Therapy.! As! they! began! to! move! forward! and!

use! the! things! they! had! learnt! Bandler! and! Pucelik!realised! that! they! had! a! specific! gift! of! Modelling! –!being! able! to! observe! what! worked! and! then! create!something! out! of! it.! They! began! to! practice! Gestalt!Therapy! in! the! classrooms! at! the! University! of!California! Santa! Cruz! and! their! work! came! to! the!attention!of!John!Grinder,!a!Professor!of!Linguistics.!Grinder! initially! just! observed! their! work,! but! after!seeing!them!for!a!few!weeks,!he!introduced!himself!and!

asked!them!if!they!knew!how!what!they!were!doing!was!

working.! ! Grinder! understood! and! could! describe! the!structure!behind!what!they!were!doing,!that!led!to!their!results.! ! ! Prior! to! working! with! him,! Bandler! and!Pucelik! did! not! quite! know! the! details! as! to! why! their!methods! worked.! They! had! merely! become! great!modellers.! ! With! the! help! of! Grinder’s! Linguistics!expertise,!!they!were!able!to!more!fully!understand!the!science! behind! it.! Before! long! the! three! men! were!working!together!on!what!was!then!called!“Meta.”!What!followed!were!years,!about!seven!years!in!total,!of!experimentation,! testing! and! Modelling.! The! initial!group! worked! really! hard,! in! return! for! no! financial!gain,!just!studying!Meta!because!it!interested!them!and!because!they!wanted!to!see!how!far!they!could!take!it.!After!several!years!there!was!a!disagreement!between!Bandler!and!Pucelik!that!lead!to!Pucelik!going!his!own!

way.!Bandler!and!Grinder!later!renamed!Meta!to!NeuroBLinguistic! Programming.! It! wasn't! until! it! got! its! new!name!that!it!really!started!to!become!widely!known.!!Following! the! change! of! name! to! NeuroBLinguistic!Programming!a!new!group!was!attracted!to!pushing!the!envelope! of! what! was! possible.! Accounts! of! the! early!days! are! largely! anecdotal! and! differ! from! source! to!source,! though! it! is! undeniable! that! Bandler! and!Grinder!were!joined!by!a!group!of!others!that!were!to!take! NLP! to! the! world.! ! Each! and! every! one! of! these!people! were! looking! for! ways! to! add! to! the! field,! to!develop! the! field! further! and! to! ultimately! discover!what!it!is!that!makes!amazing!results!possible.!

This!is!the!foundation!of!NLP!and!where!the!idea!of!NLP!being!a!notion!and!a!methodology!comes!from;!the!idea!of!actually!being!able!to!look!and!see!what!is!excellent!behaviour!and!figure!out!how!that!excellent!behaviour!is!produced.!It!starts!with!a!simple!question:!How!do!I!take!that!behaviour!and!how!do!I!try!that!on!myself!so!that!I!can!get!the!same!results?!NLP!begins!as!a!notion!and! a! methodology! that! leaves! behind! a! trail! of! great!techniques!for!achieving!excellence.!

To! begin! with,! the! three! major! people! that! they!modelled!were!Milton!Erickson,!Virginia!Satir!and!Fritz!Perls.! These! three! people! were! chosen! as! they! were!experts! in! magically! creating! change! in! people! by!

simply! using! the! right! words.! And! that! is! what! NLP! is!about,! studying! excellence! so! you! can! reproduce! the!results.!It!begins!with!an!attitude!of!curiosity!to!find!out!

how!they!do!what!they!do.!When!we!use!NLP!and!look!

at! a! human! being,! we! look! at! that! human! being! with!wonderment! and! we! ask! ourselves! “how! is! it! possible!that!this!person!in!this!circumstance!could!produce!this!behaviour?”! Now! the! second! thing,! which! could! be!equally! as! important! as! curiosity,! is! the! willingness! to!experiment,! to! begin! to! try! new! things! to! see! if! it! is!going!to!work.!

As!Bandler!&!Grinder’s!notes!began!to!stack!up!they!released!their!first!two!books!in!1975:!

B The!Structure!of!Magic!I:!A!Book!About!Language!and!Therapy;!and!

B The!Structure!of!Magic!II:!A!Book!About!

Communication!and!Change.!

These! books! contain! the! basis! of! the! Meta! Model,! a!model!of!communication!that!works!by!becoming!more!specific! and! removing! Generalisations,! Distortions! and!Deletions! from! people's! language! and! thoughts.! This!work! was! primarily! derived! from! their! study! of! Perls!and!Satir.!

Following! these! two! books! both! Bandler! &! Grinder!studied! Milton! Erickson,! arguably! the! best!hypnotherapist!of!our!time,!and!from!their!study!of!his!

work! they! published! Patterns! of! the! Hypnotic!Techniques!of!Milton!H.!Erickson,!Volumes!I!&!II.!These!books!contained!the!basis!of!the!Milton!Model,!a!model!of!communication!that!works!by!becoming!more!vague!and! introducing! generalisations,! distortions! and!deletions! into! people’s! language! and! thoughts.!Interestingly,! the! Milton! Model! is! almost! the! complete!opposite! of! the! Meta! Model! –! but! both! get! reliable!results.!

Ultimately,! the! Meta! Model! &! Milton! Model! serve! to!prove! Alfred! Korzybski! correct! –! by! traversing! logical!levels!it!is!possible!for!problems!to!just!disappear.!These! models! were! just! the! tip! of! the! iceberg! though.!From! Bandler! &! Grinder’s! studies! of! these! three!therapists,! a! whole! field! of! information! was! created.!Beyond! these! models! they! started! documenting! new!techniques! and! ideas! such! as! Anchoring,! reframing,!submodalities,! perceptual! positions,! and!representational! systems.! As! the! usefulness! of! the!techniques! began! to! gain! a! following,! more! and! more!resources! such! as! books! and! seminars! began! to! be!produced.! From! the! work! of! Bandler! &! Grinder! in! the!1970’s! and! the! books! that! they! have! published,! both!together!and!individually,!NLP!now!has!a!huge!body!of!knowledge! behind! it! from! many,! many! different!authors.!

Today!NLP!is!widely!accepted!in!countries!all!over!the!world! as! a! set! of! tools! for! producing! reliable! results.!This! methodology! started! to! become! immensely!popular!in!the!1980s!and!1990s!with!huge!personalities!like! Anthony! Robbins! using! it! to! help! thousands! of!people! make! lasting! changes! in! their! lives.! ! As! our!awareness! as! a! society! increases! around! the!importance! of! self! responsibility! and! personal!empowerment,!these!tools!become!more!applicable!and!accessible!every!day.!!

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Each! and! every! technique! and! theory! in! NLP! has!applicability!in!our!every!day!lives.!!Because!it!has!been!modelled! from! some! of! the! most! successful! therapists!to!ever!live,!the!results!speak!for!themselves.!!What!you!would!be!looking!to!focus!on!when!first!learning!NeuroBLinguistic!Programming!will!vary!widely!based!on!your!motivation!for!it.!Regardless!of!whether!you!plan!to!use!your! new! skills! in! a! therapy,! business! or! educational!context! there! are! several! concepts! that! form! the!foundation!you!will!need,!before!you!can!effectively!use!the! other! NLP! tools! and! techniques.! The! focus! for! this!book!is!on!these!six!!areas:!

Sensory! Acuity! is! essential! for! becoming! a! good!!communicator!and!for!becoming!good!at!NLP.!It!is!the!ability! to! detect! changes! in! other! people! by! becoming!more!aware,!or!calibrated!to!slight!changes!in!the!other!person.!!This!gives!us!clues!as!to!what!is!going!on!inside!the!other!person's!mind.!Rapport!is!being!in!sync!with!the! person;! a! process! of! responsiveness! that! is!invaluable! in! therapy,! business! and! personal! settings.!When! you! have! good! Rapport! with! others! it! will! also!make!nearly!all!NLP!processes!much!easier!and!faster.!!Anchoring! is! a! powerful! tool! to! making! fast! and!meaningful! changes! by! accessing! desirable! states!within! yourself! and! in! clients! at! will.! ! The! Milton! and!!Meta! Models! are! the! language! patterns! that! make!powerful! conversational! change! easy! and! effortless.!Modelling!is!the!pattern!from!which!all!of!NLP!has!been!created!and!once!perfected,!will!give!you!the!ability!to!replicate!any!behaviour!you!would!like!to!perform,!thus!producing!the!same!results.!

This! is! your! lucky! day! because! this! book! includes! six!chapters! devoted! to! giving! you! the! basics! of! each! of!these!key!areas.!Not!only!is!there!a!chapter!devoted!to!each!area!but!there!are!also!activities!that!you!can!do!to!start! building! your! skills.! Each! chapter! also! contains! a!list!of!relevant!books!that!are!worth!reading!for!further!information.!

When! you! master! these! six! techniques! you! will! be! a!long! way! towards! using! NLP! competently! in! therapy!and!business,!and!in!your!everyday!life.!!The!language!patterns! of! the! Milton! and! Meta! Model! are! especially!powerful.!

For!your!benefit,!what!follows!is!information!on!each!of!these!processes.!What!is!contained!in!this!short!book!is!by!no!means!all!there!is!to!know!on!each!topic,!in!fact!entire! books! exist! on! each! of! these! techniques! alone.!The! information! is! provided! so! that! you! will! be!confident!enough!to!take!action!now.!!The!practical!NLP!exercises! will! give! you! the! opportunity! to! apply! the!techniques,! ! so! that! by! the! end! of! this! book! you! will!have! a! really! solid! idea! of! how! to! use! what! you! have!learned!in!a!practical!way!in!your!own!life,!how!to!use!it!to! affect! change! in! others’! lives,! and! how! to! continue!your!learning!if!desired.!!!

So! do! yourself! a! favour:! Treat! this! information! newly,!stay! curious,! and! give! yourself! every! opportunity! to!practice!what!you!read.!!!

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In! Modelling,! Milton! Erickson,! one! of! the! creators! of!NLP,! observed! that! people! make! minute! changes! from!moment! to! moment.! Those! changes! communicate!

meaning!if!you!have!enough!Sensory!Acuity.!So,!what!is!

Sensory!Acuity?!Sensory!Acuity!is!the!ability!to!observe!tiny!changes!in!a!person's!physiology!from!moment!to!moment.! Based! on! the! changes! that! you! observe! you!can!begin!to!gain!an!insight!into!what!is!going!on!for!the!other!person.!

In!NLP!we!normally!focus!on!these!key!parts!of!another!person's!physiology:!

 Skin!colour!(whether!it!is!lighter!or!darker)

 Skin! tonus! (whether! the! tone! of! muscles! is!symmetrical!or!not!symmetrical)

 Breathing!speed!(whether!breathing!is!faster!or!slower)

 Breathing! location! (whether! they’re! breathing!from!higher!or!lower!in!their!chest)

 Lower!lip!size!(whether!it!has!more!lines!or!less!lines)

 Eye! focus! (whether! their! eyes! are! more!focused!or!defocused)

 Pupil!dilation!(whether!their!pupils!are!more!dilated!or!undilated)

The! truth! is! that! these! are! just! a! starting! point! –! with!enough!Sensory!Acuity!you!can!easily!gain!insight!into!a!persons’!state!through!any!observable!changes!in!their!body.! ! Milton! Erickson! famously! noticed! a! member! of!one! of! his! audiences! going! into! trance.! ! Later,! he! was!asked!how!he!knew!she!was!going!into!trance!replying,!

“I! could! tell! because! the! pulse! in! her! ankle! slowed!down”.!The!better!you!get!at!Sensory!Acuity,!the!more!powerful! a! communicator! you! will! become!! Sensory!Acuity!is!especially!vital!in!a!good!hypnotherapist!as!it!is!your!only!way!of!effectively!gauging!how!quickly!and!deeply!your!client!is!in!trance.!

So,!what!is!an!example!of!this!at!work?!If!you!are!near!a!computer! you! can! look! up! this! YouTube! video! of! the!infamous! Derren! Brown! at! work! with! three! car!salesmen:!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2cvop3vbM!If! you're! not! near! a! computer! the! video! shows!something! quite! interesting.! Brown! is! in! America! and!goes!to!visit!three!car!salesmen!at!their!place!of!work.!They! are! standing! in! the! parking! lot,! surrounded! by!cars,! and! Brown! proceeds! to! explain! his! complete!ignorance!of!cars.!What!he!asks!the!first!sales!person!to!do!is!to!tell!him!three!things!about!the!car!and!for!two!of! them! to! be! true,! but! for! one! of! them! to! be! a! lie.!Within! moments! of! hearing! the! three! statements,!

Brown!successfully!picks!the!statement!that!is!a!lie.!He!repeats!the!same!process!with!the!second!sales!person.!Then,! to! top! it! all! off,! with! the! third! sales! person! he!does!something!slightly!different.!Instead!of!asking!him!to!say!three!statements!out!loud,!he!asks!him!to!simply!

think!them!inside!his!head.!And!once!again,!even!though!

the! third! sales! person! doesn't! utter! a! word,! Brown!successfully! picks! the! lie.! This! is! a! great! party! trick! –!and! one! that! you! too! can! do! too! with! mastery! of!Sensory!Acuity.!

This!video!is!a!great!example!of!how!Sensory!Acuity!can!be! subtly! used! to! gain! an! insight! into! the! internal!representations! of! another! person.! With! the! third!salesman,!Brown!is!able!to!determine!when!he!is!telling!the!truth!without!the!salesman!even!opening!his!mouth.!This! is! because! of! the! subtle! changes! in! his! body!language! that! Brown! can! easily! detect! with! his! wellBdeveloped! skill! of! Sensory! Acuity.! Through! the!questions!he!asks,!he!is!able!to!calibrate,!using!Sensory!Acuity,! when! they! are! telling! the! truth.! Brown! then!simply! picks! the! ‘odd! one! out’! (i.e.! the! answer! where!the!person’s!physiology!is!noticeably!different)!and!he!can!safely!pick!that!as!the!lie.!

It! is! important! to! remember! that! Sensory! Acuity! must!be! calibrated! on! a! personBbyBperson! basis.! The!differences!noticeable!in!one!person's!physiology!that!is!

telling! the! truth! will! not! necessarily! be! the! changes!another!person's!physiology!would!show!for!the!same!internal!representation.!

The! more! you! practice,! the! easier! it! gets.! You! can!practice!Sensory!Acuity!on!ANYONE.!

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Rapport! is! simply! a! process! of! liking.! Have! you! ever!seen! someone! so! deep! in! conversation! that! they! are!hanging! off! every! word?! Or! been! with! someone! and! it!has!been!like!time!stood!still?!Do!you!sometimes!get!a!sense!from!someone!that!you!can!trust!him!or!her!and!be!totally!comfortable?!How!useful!would!it!be!for!you!to! be! able! to! walk! into! a! situation! and! to! easily! and!effortlessly! connect! with! other! people,! even! if! you've!never!met!them!before?!What!if!you!were!working!with!a!client!who!was!a!bit!nervous!about!NLP!and!there!was!a!way!to!make!them!feel!more!comfortable?!Well,!there!is!–!and!it!is!a!process!known!as!Rapport.!!

Rapport!originally!stems!from!hypnosis.!In!the!field!of!hypnosis,!Rapport!is!considered!to!be!when!the!client!is!so! strongly! connected! with! you,! that! they! feel! like!nobody! else! exists! in! their! reality.! Or! in! other! words,!you! are! totally! holding! the! attention! of! their!Unconscious! Mind.! ! Now,! in! NLP,! often! Rapport! won't!be! as! intensely! focused! as! that.! So! when! you! think!about!Rapport,!don't!think!about!it!as!a!binary!state.!It!is! useful! to! think! of! it! more! as! an! analogue! scale.! The!truth!is!that!you!will!rarely!be!entirely!out!of!Rapport,!or! in! Rapport,! with! anyone! else! –! you'll! be! moving!through!different!shades!of!grey.!

This! technique! is! one! of! the! processes! that! will! make!the! biggest! difference! to! your! results! with! clients,! and!in! your! communication! with! others! in! general.! The!sooner! you! can! allow! the! other! person! to! totally! and!completely! relax! and! feel! comfortable,! the! more!powerful!your!connections!will!be,!and!the!more!easily!you! will! be! able! to! assist! them! in! resolving! their!presenting! problem.! The! question! is,! how! do! you!quickly!move!closer!to!them!liking!and!trusting!you?!This! is! where! it! begins! to! get! interesting.! What! we!know! is! that! communication! is! much! more! than! the!words! that! we! use.! There! are! many! other! factors! that!play!a!part!in!how!communication!is!received!including!body! language,! voice! tonality! and! especially! facial!expressions.*! Rapport! is! about! making! the! most! of!these!factors,!so!that!we!can!meaningfully!connect!with!others! in! a! way! that! allows! them! to! like! us.! And! the!simplest!rule!to!remember!when!it!comes!to!Rapport!is:!

People,like,people,who,are,like,them.,

This! may! sound! a! little! bit! manipulative! or! tricky,! but!the!truth!is!that!this!is!what!people!do!normally.!!Have!you!ever!seen!two!people!in!a!social!situation!that!are!deep!in!conversation?!You!may!have!noticed!that!they!were! probably! standing! in! similar! ways,! talking! at!similar! volumes/speeds! and! if! you'd! been! paying!enough!attention!you!may!have!even!noticed!that!their!

breathing! was! in! sync.! The! chances! are! though! that!those! people! aren't! trained! Practitioners! of! NLP! or!Hypnotists,!because!this!is!what!just!happens!naturally.!The! thing! is! though,! that! it! can! take! 5~10! minutes! to!happen! naturally.! Once! you! start! to! get! good! at! the!process! of! Rapport! you! can! bring! that! time! down! to!2~30! seconds! with! ease! to! simultaneously! create! a!feeling!of!trust!and!comfort!because:!!

Trust!+!Comfort!=!Rapport!

Rapport!is!made!up!of!two!main!processes,!Pacing!and!Leading.!Pacing!is!where!you!closely!replicate!parts!of!the!other!person’s!communication!so!that!they!begin!to!recognise!parts!of!themselves!in!you.!!Leading!refers!to!doing! something! new! when! you! are! in! Rapport! with!another! person! that! will! cause! the! other! person! to!replicate! you.! But! before! you! can! Pace! someone! and!start! to! get! in! Rapport! with! them,! ! you! need! to! know!what!to!look!for.!These!are!the!main!things!to!watch!for:!

"

"

"

"

So,! using! your! Sensory! Acuity,! the! key! is! to! pay!attention! to! the! other! person.! How! are! they! holding!their! shoulders! or! sitting! in! their! chair! (posture)?! Do!they! move! their! hands! in! certain! ways! as! they! talk!about! certain! ideas! (gestures)?! Are! they! breathing!slowly!from!deep!in!their!stomach!or!quickly!from!the!top! of! their! chest! (breathing)?! Are! they! talking! really!quickly!(tempo)?!Is!their!voice!really!soft!(volume)?!Are!there! specific! words! they! use! for! specific! things! (key!words)?!Did!you!go!to!the!same!school!or!do!you!play!a!similar!sport!(common!experiences!and!associations)?!I!think!you!get!the!idea!!

So! you! are! probably! thinking,! "this! sounds! great! but!how! do! I! use! Rapport?"! Once! you! have! used! your!Sensory!Acuity!to!work!out!where!they!are,!the!second!step! is! to! begin! to! match! and! mirror! that! behaviour!whilst! communicating! with! them.! ! As! you! continue!pacing!them!more!and!more,!you!will!deepen!Rapport!with!them!and!the!connection!they!feel!to!you.!!!

Matching!

Matching! their! behaviour! is! where! you! repeat! their!behaviour! back! to! them! in! the! same! way! as! they! are!doing! it.! For! example,! if! they! have! their! right! leg!crossed! over! their! left! leg,! then! if! you! were! to! cross!your! right! leg! over! your! left! leg! then! you! would! be!Matching!that!part!of!their!physiology.!!

Mirroring! their! behaviour! is! where! you! repeat! their!behaviour!back!to!them!as!if!you!were!their!reflection!in! a! mirror.! For! example,! if! they! have! their! right! leg!crossed!over!their!left!leg!then!if!you!were!to!cross!your!left!leg!over!your!right!leg!then!you!would!be!Mirroring!that!part!of!their!physiology.!

Crossover"Mirroring"(Advanced)*

Crossover! Mirroring! their! behaviour! is! where! you!repeat! their! behaviour! back! to! them! with! a! different!part! of! your! body.! For! example,! if! they! were! tapping!their! fingers! quickly! on! a! desk! then! you! could! mirror!that!behaviour!by!tapping!your!foot!at!the!same!speed!on! the! floor.! Crossover! mirroring! is! not! as! easy! to!master!as!matching!and!mirroring,!so!if!you!are!new!to!Rapport! I! would! suggest! you! focus! on! the! other! two!first!and!foremost.!!

Matching,!mirroring!and!crossover!mirroring!can!all!be!equally! effective! at! deepening! Rapport! with! another!person.! The! difference! between! an! amateur! and! a!master!when!it!comes!to!Rapport!is!being!able!to!use!all!three! equally! well! so! that! you! can! use! whichever! you!feel!is!most!appropriate!to!the!situation.!!

Important!! You! are! matching,! mirroring! or! crossover!

mirroring!as!long!as!what!you!are!doing!stays!out!of!the!other! person's! conscious! awareness.! If! you! are! simply!copying!their!behaviour!the!moment!they!do!it!then!you!are! mimicking! their! behaviour! –! Mimicking! does! the!reverse!of!what!we!want!!That!said,!I!have!been!using!Rapport!for!many!years!now!and,!with!the!exception!of!

one!or!two!NLP!trained!friends,!I!have!never!ever!been!

caught!out!using!these!skills!naturally.!!

Pacing!is!the!first!part!of!getting!into!Rapport.!!You!will!need! to! pace! the! other! person! using! the! techniques!above! until! you! get! a! warm! comfortable! internal!kinaesthetic!(feeling).!This!warm,!comfortable!internal!kinaesthetic!is!the!best!way!to!know!whether!you!are!in!Rapport!with!the!other!person.!It!is!a!deep!comfortable!feeling! that! is! hard! to! put! into! words! –! though! when!you!begin!to!practice!Rapport!you!will!soon!know!what!I!mean.!!When!you!start!out!using!these!techniques,!this!feeling!will!be!harder!to!detect,!but!over!time,!you!will!be!able!to!recognise!it!more!quickly!and!easily.!

Once!you!feel!like!you!are!in!Rapport,!it!is!time!to!have!some!fun.!The!easiest!way!to!test!Rapport!is!by!leading!the!other!person.!Leading!refers!to!making!a!change!to!your!physiology,!tonality!or!words!in!such!a!way!that!it!causes!the!other!person!to!follow!with!their!behaviour.!For! example,! if! you! are! standing! next! to! someone! at! a!

networking!event!and!you!feel!like!you!are!in!Rapport!with! them,! then! you! could! take! a! sip! from! your! drink,!change! the! speed! you! are! talking! at! or! alter! your!posture.!If!you!are!in!Rapport!with!them!then!there!is!every!likelihood!that!they!will!follow!!

After! I! learnt! about! Rapport! I! began! to! practice! it! at!every! chance! I! had.! My! favourites! (by! far)! were! with!shop!assistants!and!the!airline!staff!that!check!in!your!bags.! I! found! that! just! by! getting! into! Rapport! all! of! a!sudden!they!would!be!treating!me!quite!differently.!I'd!be! offered! seats! with! more! leg! room! (I'm! quite! tall!anyway),! they'd! turn! a! blind! eye! if! my! baggage! was!slightly! over! the! limit! and! often! in! shops! I! would! be!offered!a!discount.!!Sure,!it!wasn't!every!time,!but!with!practice! at! Rapport! I've! found! the! rewards! only!increase.! After! all! –! who! wouldn't! want! to! be! helping!people!that!they!like?!

I!remember,!not!long!after!I!first!learnt!about!Rapport!I!was!in!a!team!meeting!with!a!person!who!just!wouldn't!stop! talking.! Everyone! was! looking! around! at! each!other!wishing!she!would!stop!and!I!thought!to!myself,!I!wonder!if!Rapport!could!help!here?!So!I!paid!attention!to! her! physiology,! tonality! and! words! and! began! to!match! her! behaviour.! Sure! enough,! after! about! twenty!seconds!I!began!to!feel!that!familiar!feeling!of!Rapport!in! my! body.! And! then! I! decided! to! have! some! fun.! To!

start!with!I!just!rubbed!the!tip!of!my!nose!with!my!right!hand! and! watched.! Sure! enough,! she! unconsciously!rubbed! the! tip! of! her! nose! too.! Then! I! did! it! a! second!time!(and!so!did!she)!and!a!third!time!(and!so!did!she).!When! I! stopped,! she’d! not! only! stopped! her! incessant!talking,! but! she’d! started! checking! her! nose,! probably!thinking! there! must! have! been! something! hanging! out!

of!the!end!of!it!!This!is!not!a!traditional!use!of!Rapport!

but!it!just!shows!what!you!can!do!with!it!when!you!get!creative.!

Now,! as! with! most! processes! in! NeuroBLinguistic!Programming,! the! trick! to! becoming! masterful! with!Rapport!is!to!practice,!practice!and!practice!!The!more!that! you! practice! the! easier! it! will! become! and!eventually!(normally!in!only!a!few!weeks!of!conscious!effort)!you!will!start!to!do!it!unconsciously.!Remember,!this!technique!is!one!of!the!processes!that!will!make!the!biggest!difference!to!your!results!with!clients.!!

** Note:* In, many, books, they, will, wrongly, cite, that,

Communication, is, 7%, Words,, 38%, Tonality, and, 55%, Physiology, –, if, that, were, true,, we, could, easily, communicate,with,people,who,don't,speak,our,language, using, voice, tone, and, physiology, alone., Google, is, your, friend,if,you,want,to,find,more,information,about,what,

that,research,actually,says.*

"

How"to"make"people"like"you"in"90"seconds" or"less""

!

Anchoring!is!a!NeuroBLinguistic!Programming!term!for!the!process!of!associating!a!state!within!a!person!to!an!external!stimulus.!Or,!in!simpler!terms,!it!is!the!ability!to!have!someone!feel!a!certain!way!just!by!letting!him!or! her! see! something,! hear! something,! feel! something,!smell!something!or!taste!something.!

Have! you! ever! been! listening! to! the! radio! and! a! song!has!come!on!that!just!makes!you!feel!happy?!Or!walked!into!a!house!to!smell!something!cooking!that!has!taken!you! back! to! how! you! felt! in! the! past! with! family! or!friends?! Or! is! there! an! animal! that! someone! can! just!mention! and! it! will! send! a! shudder! down! your! spine!(Think! snakes/rats/insects/spiders/etc.)?! If! there! is,!then! you’ve! experienced! an! anchor.! ! An! external!stimulus!has!made!you!feel!a!certain!way!without!you!consciously!deciding!to!feel!that!way.!

The! truth! is! that! our! worlds! are! FULL! of! anchors.! The!people!we!like!have!lots!of!things!anchored!to!them!that!make!us!feel!good.!!And!the!people!we!dislike!have!lots!of! things! anchored! to! them! that! make! us! feel! not! as!good.!!These!anchors!are!so!strong!that!often!they!will!overBride!our!other!senses.!Could!you!imagine!seeing!a!politician! on! TV! that! you! didn’t! like?! The! chances! are!

that!the!politician!could!be!saying!something!you!could!agree!with!but!the!negative!feeling!you!have!from!just!seeing/hearing!him!or!her!is!enough!to!overpower!logic!and! you! may! find! yourself! disagreeing! with! what! is!being!said.!Anchors!are!powerful!things!!

So!what?!What!are!anchors!used!for!exactly?!

Anchors! are! useful! because! not! only! can! we! have! our!state! changed! by! existing! anchors,! we! can! also! create!new!ones.!Imagine!if!you!had!an!anchor!that!would!put!you! into! a! really! good! mood! just! by! listening! to! a!certain! song.! Imagine! if! you! came! home! and! felt! crap.!Like,! really! crap.! But! because! you! knew! about! this!certain! song,! and! the! way! it! makes! you! feel! when! you!listen! to! it,! you! can! just! play! that! song! and! the! bad!feelings! disappear!! Wouldn’t! that! be! great?! Well! the!truth! is,! it! really! is! that! simple.! Anything! that! we! can!feel!in!our!nervous!system!we!can!anchor!to!something!we! see,! hear,! feel,! smell! or! taste.! But! there! are! a! few!tricks!to!successful!Anchoring!that!make!it!more!likely!to!work.!

At! any! time! that! a! person! is! in! an! associated,! intense!state!where!a!specific!stimulus!is!applied!at!the!peak!of!the!experience,!the!two!will!be!linked!neurologically.!The!success!of!an!anchor!depends!on!these!five!things:!

The! INTENSITY! of! the! other! persons! internal!

experience! (If! they! are! experiencing! a! really!strong!internal!state!then!the!anchor!is!going!to!be!more!effective);!

The!TIMING!of!the!anchor!(You!want!to!anchor!

as! they! go! INTO! the! state! and! release! just! after!the! anchor! peaks! –! see! further! information! on!Timing!further!on);!

The! UNIQUENESS" of! the! anchor! (The! more!

unique!it!is,!the!easier!it!is!to!recall);!

The! REPLICATION" of! the! stimulus! (How! well!

you! manage! to! replicate! the! stimulus! –! if! you!anchor!a!touch!on!their!knee!you’ll!find!it!more!effective! if! you! touch! them! in! exactly! the! same!place!on!their!knee,!as!opposed!to!touching!them!a!few!inches!to!the!left!or!the!right);!and!

The!NUMBER"of!times!you!anchor!it!(The!more!

times! you! anchor! it,! the! more! effective! the!anchor!will!be).!

So!when!you!want!to!create!an!anchor!in!yourself!(Or!in!someone!else)!these!are!the!key!factors!to!be!aware!of.!As! mentioned! above,! one! of! the! keys! to! successful!Anchoring!is!timing.!This!image!shows!a!graph!with!the!

rise!and!fall!of!an!emotional!state!being!represented!by!the!black!curve.!You!want!to!begin!Anchoring!as!soon!as!you! see! them! going! into! the! state! and! stop! just! after!they! peak! in! that! state.! Why?! Because! we! are! talking!about!small!changes!in!the!other!person!you!will!need!really! good! Sensory! Acuity! to! spot! the! changes.! Even!with! amazingly! good! Sensory! Acuity! there! will! nearly!always! be! a! slight! delay! between! them! entering! the!state! and! you! noticing! them! entering! the! state.!Likewise,! when! the! state! stops! intensifying! you! will!know!because!your!Sensory!Acuity!spots!the!changes!in!their! physiology.! And! by! the! time! you! notice! that! it! is!dropping! and! release! the! anchor! it! will! have! already!peaked!and!be!on!the!decrease.!This!diagram!below!will!make! it! more! clear! how! to! time! the! application! of! an!anchor:!

!

Also,!as!with!most!change!work,!your!ability!to!get!into!Rapport! with! the! other! person,! and! to! experience! the!state! yourself,! will! greatly! add! to! the! success! of! your!Anchoring.!

So,! to! pull! it! all! together! say! you! wanted! to! anchor! a!state! of! confidence! in! someone! else! you! would! follow!this!basic!process:!

1 Find! someone! who! is! comfortable! working!with!you!as!a!volunteer!or!a!client;!

2 Gain!Rapport!with!the!other!person;!

3 Ask! if! it! is! okay! for! you! to! touch! them! on! the!knuckle! during! this! exercise! (You! can! anchor!people! anywhere! on! their! bodies! but! the!knuckles!are!unobtrusive!and!generally!unique!enough!to!work!well.!Keep!in!mind!the!factors!mentioned!above!when!choosing!your!stimulus!to!maximise!the!chance!of!success!);!

4 Have! the! other! person! remember! a! really!intense! past! experience! where! they! were!confident!(The!easiest!way!to!do!this!is!with!a!script! like,! “Can! you! remember! a! time! when!you!were!totally!confident?!*wait!for!yes*!Can!you! remember! a! specific! time?! *wait! for! yes*!As!you!go!back!to!that!time!now…!see!what!you!

saw,! hear! what! you! heard! and! really! feel! the!feelings!of!being!totally!confident…”);!

5 As! they! remember! the! past! experience! use!your!Sensory!Acuity!to!notice!as!they!begin!to!enter! the! desired! state! of! being! Confident.!They!may!enter!it!quickly,!or!slowly,!it!doesn't!matter! as! long! as! you! adjust! your! timing!around! them.! As! they! enter! the! state,! start!applying!a!stimulus!(So!start!to!firmly!press!on!one!of!their!knuckles,!say!on!their!thumb.!This!pressure! doesn’t! need! to! be! very! hard,! just!enough!pressure!so!they!can!feel!it);!

6 Use! your! Sensory! Acuity! again! to! detect! them!starting! to! leave! the! state,! as! it! peaks,! and!remove! the! stimulus! (ie.! remove! your! touch!from!their!knuckle);!

7 Break! their! state! so! that! they! go! into! a!different,! unrelated! state! to! what! you! just!anchored!(This!is!so!that!you!can!test!getting!it!back.! ! I! find! a! question! like! “Do! you! taste!cheese?”! quite! effective.! Just! as! effective! is! a!question! that! turns! their! focus! to! something!that! was! previously! out! of! their! conscious!awareness,!such!as!“What!colour!are!the!walls!of!this!room?”);!and!

8 ReBapply! the! anchor! and! use! your! Sensory!Acuity!to!test!whether!they!return!to!the!state!(If! they! return! to! the! state! then!CONGRATULATIONS!! you! have! successfully!installed! an! anchor!! If! you! didn’t! notice! a!change! then! check! that! they! are! intensely!associating!with!the!state!and!make!sure!your!stimulus! is! unique! enough.! If! it! is! intense! and!unique!enough!then!repeat!the!process!several!times!and!the!repetition!will!assist!in!building!a!stronger!anchor).!

So!that’s!it,!you!now!have!a!rough!idea!about!how!to!use!the! NLP! process! of! Anchoring.! This! is! really! just! the!beginning! of! Anchoring! but! it! makes! a! really! good!starting!point.!Now!it!is!time!to!find!yourself!a!willing!volunteer! and! ask! if! they! will! allow! you! to! practice!Anchoring! with! them.! Try! some! positive! states! like!Anchoring! a! feeling! of! confidence,! a! feeling! of!excitement!or!even!a!feeling!of!bliss.!If!you!can!find!the!words!for!it!then!you!can!feel!it!!!

As!you!become!more!practiced!at!Anchoring!you'll!find!other! techniques! like! stacking! anchors,! collapsing!anchors!and!chaining!anchors!are!all!powerful!tools!in!your!toolkit.!

!

!!

!

The! Milton! Model! was! created! by! Bandler! &! Grinder,!following!their!study!and!Modelling!of!Milton!Erickson.!The! Milton! Model! is! a! linguistic! model,! or! way! of!talking,!that!allows!you!to!more!easily!induce!trance!in!the! people! you! are! talking! to.! This! is! ideal! for! use! in!Hypnosis,! especially! when! you! are! inducing! or!deepening! trance,! although! it! is! also! very! powerful! in!business! discussions! and! advertising.! ! When! you!effectively!talk!using!the!Milton!Model!you!will!find!that!people!become!more!agreeable!and!connect!to!what!it!is!you!have!to!say.!

You’re! probably! wondering! what! the! Milton!Model! is! and! why! you’re! going! to! start! using! it!soon.!Because,!even!though!right!now!you’re!not!sure!how!important!it!is,!there!have!been!times!before! when! you’ve! been! not! sure,! and! good!things!have!happened,!haven’t!they?!And!the!fact!that! you’re! reading! these! words! and! thinking!about! the! Milton! Model! means! that! you! could!learn! the! Milton! Model! easily! and! effortlessly,!couldn’t!you?!

Try!reading!that!short!paragraph!out!loud.!Notice!how,!if! you! speak! it! slowly! and! steadily,! you! gently! relax.!!