.Asserting Yourself at Work pot

About This Course xiHow to Take This Course xiii Introduction xv Pre-Test xvii 1 Assertiveness—What It Is and Why It Matters 1 Assertiveness Defined The Assertive Mode Passivity Aggressi

Asserting Yourself at Work

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Asserting Yourself at Work

Constance Zimmerman

with Richard Luecke

Neither the writers nor the American Management Association guarantees the results of the information, guidelines, and niques presented in this work

tech-Copyright © 2010 American Management Association All rights reserved.

This material may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in whole or in part, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN-10: 0-7612-1436-4

ISBN-13: 978-0-7612-1436-6

Printed in the United States of America.

AMACOM Self Study Program

http://www.amaselfstudy.org/

AMERICAN MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATION

http://www.amanet.org

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About This Course xi

How to Take This Course xiii

Introduction xv

Pre-Test xvii

1 Assertiveness—What It Is and Why It Matters 1

Assertiveness Defined The Assertive Mode Passivity Aggression Assertiveness and the New Workplace Assertiveness as a Signaling Mechanism Assertiveness as a Learned Behavior Recap Review Questions 2 Progress Begins with Self-Awareness 11

Benchmarking Your Motivations

Your Assertiveness Profile

Your Score

Interpreting Your Score

What Influences Your Assertiveness Mode?

Childhood Experiences

The Transference Trap

Perfectionism

The Role of Attitude

Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Recap

Review Questions

Contents

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3 Building Your Assertiveness 31

Your Needs, Wants, Interests, Values, and Goals

Needs Wants Interests Values

Your Goals

Short-Term Goals Intermediate Goals Long-Term Goals Legacy Goals

Speaking Up for What Matters to You at Work

Engage in a Positive Internal Dialogue Verbally Communicate in Assertive Ways Use the Most Effective Communication Channel Practice Good Timing

Assertive Written Communication

Have a Clear Purpose Make Your Message Clear and Crisp Use the Most Effective and Appropriate Mode

RecapReview Questions

4 Assertive Nonverbal Communication 59

The Power of Nonverbal Communication Six Dimensions of Nonverbal Communication

Body Movement Body Contact Eye Contact Interpersonal Space Silence

Use Direct Eye Contact Use Good Posture Purposeful Gestures Control Your Facial Expressions Effective Vocal Delivery

A Nonverbal Communication JournalAlign Your Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Recap

Review Questions

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5 Assertiveness Opportunities at Work 87

Developing Positive Visibility at Work

Action #1: Speak Up and Share Your Views Action #2: Participate Actively in Meetings Action #3: Disagree Agreeably

Action #4: Be Your Own Best Champion Action #5: Handle Compliments with Grace Action #6: Look at Constructive Criticism as a Self-Improvement Opportunity Action #7: Create a Daily Assertiveness Plan

Take Responsibility for Your Performance at Work

Take Credit for Your Successes Don’t Take Responsibility If It’s Not Yours

RecapReview Questions

6 Addressing the Needs and Interests of Others 103

Evaluating Your Listening Skills: A Self-Assessment

Totaling Your Score Interpreting Your Score Moving Toward Assertive Listening

Three Levels of Listening

Level 1: Listening to Be Aware Level 2: Listening to Learn Level 3: Listening to Engage

Exploring the Needs and Interests of Others

Create a Safe Environment Ask Probing Questions Avoid Questions that Provoke a Defensive Response Reciprocate

Be Proactive

Cultural Barriers to Communicating Needs and Interests

Time and Trust Building Cultural Dimensions

Responding to the Needs and Interests of Others

Think It Over Focus on the Issue, Not the Person Use Collaborative Language Expand the Options

Find Common Ground Aim for Win-Win Win Graciously

RecapReview Questions

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7 Identifying and Maintaining Assertive 139 Boundaries at Work

Identifying Boundaries at Work

Boundaries of Respect Boundaries of Ethics Boundaries of Time Boundaries of Heath and Safety Boundaries of Discrimination and Sexual Harassment

Maintaining Assertive Boundaries at Work

Say “No” Literally

“No” in Other Words Say “No” Right Away to Sexual Harassment

RecapReview Questions

8 Assertiveness and Dealing with Difficult 157 People

Four Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People

The Screaming Rant Defense The Broken Record Technique Fogging

Negative Inquiry

Disarming the Workplace Bully

Understand the Bully’s Goal Determine If You’re a Target Protect Your “Self ”

Blow the Whistle Get Yourself Out of the Bull’s-eye

RecapReview Questions

9 From Assertiveness to Influence 169

What Is Influence?

The Role of Influence in the WorkplaceThree Building Blocks of Influence

Self-Confidence Credibility Reciprocity

RecapReview Questions

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Appendix: Your Assertiveness Checksheet 181

Bibliography 183

Recommended Resources 187

Web Sites 189

Glossary 191

Post-Test 195

Index 201

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Asserting Yourself at Work provides business professionals with the

communi-cation tools and psychological foundation they need to perform more sertively on the job Designed for front-line managers, supervisors, teamleaders, team members, employees, and life-long learners, this course pro-motes the use of direct, inclusive communication as a powerful tool for achiev-ing targeted goals and building lasting relationships

as-Asserting Yourself at Work teaches students the skills they need to behave

and communicate more assertively—and therefore more effectively—in theworkplace Students learn to address their needs and interests at work, and,

at the same time, consider the needs and interests of others Beginning withthe foundation of self-awareness, the course builds these skills step by step.Students learn about and practice assertive verbal and nonverbal communi-cation techniques, learn how to set proper boundaries in workplace relation-ships, and analyze how assertiveness plays out in other cultures Theinteractive format includes self-assessment tools, worksheets, sidebars, exer-cises, and quizzes that prompt students all along the way

Constance Zimmerman served as an adjunct professor with the Center

for Management Communication at the Marshall School of Business at theUniversity of Southern California She was a nonfiction writer and producer

of television, film, and corporate media, and the instructional designer of

in-teractive training programs She was a producer of the PBS telecourse, duction to Business Communication: Tools for Leadership, which won the 1998

Intro-Excellence in Distance Learning Teaching Award from the U.S DistanceLearning Association She was also the lead instructional designer and co-writer of the telecourse’s student and faculty guides issues, and writer of CRM

Film’s award-winning video Dealing with Conflict

Ms Zimmerman wrote leader’s guides and training designs on a number

of topics, including leadership, non-defensive communication, verbal munication, teamwork, and stress management She earned M.F.A and B.A.degrees from the University of California, Los Angeles

com-About This Course

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Richard Luecke has been a freelance business writer since 1992 His

books have been published by Oxford University Press, John Wiley & Sons,Harvard Business School Press, and AMACOM In addition to self-studycourses, he has developed many teaching cases for M.B.A and executive ed-ucation courses, and has collaborated with business school faculty, manage-ment consultants, and corporate executives on dozens of publications

Mr Luecke earned an M.B.A from the University of St Thomas and aB.A in History from Shimer College

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This course consists of text material for you to read and three types of ities (the pre- and post-test, in-text exercises, and end-of-chapter review ques-tions) for you to complete These activities are designed to reinforce theconcepts introduced in the text portion of the course and to enable you toevaluate your progress

activ-PRe- ANDPOST-TeSTS

Both a pre-test and post-test are included in this course Take the pre-testbefore you study any of the course material to determine your existing knowl-edge of the subject matter Submit one of the scannable answer forms en-closed with this course for grading On return of the graded pre-test,complete the course material Take the post-test after you have completed allthe course material By comparing results of the pre-test and the post-test,you can measure how effective the course has been for you

To have your pre-test and post-test graded, please mail your answerforms to:

How to Take This Course

The most important component of this course is the text, where the conceptsand methods are presented Reading each chapter twice will increase the like-lihood of your understanding the text fully

We recommend that you work on this course in a systematic way Readingthe text and working through the exercises at a regular and steady pace will helpensure that you get the most out of this course and retain what you have learned

In your first reading, concentrate on getting an overview of the chaptercontent Read the learning objectives at the beginning of the chapter first.They will act as guidelines to the major topics of the chapter and identify theskills you should master as you study the text As you read the chapter, payattention to the headings and subheadings Find the general theme of eachsection and see how that theme relates to others Don’t let yourself get boggeddown with details during the first reading; simply concentrate on understand-ing and remembering the major themes

In your second reading, look for the details that underlie the themes.Read the entire chapter carefully and methodically, underlining key points,working out the details of examples, and making marginal notes as you go.Complete the activities

ACTIvITIeS

Interspersed with the text of each chapter you will find a series of activities.These can take a variety of forms, including essays, short-answer quizzes, orcharts and questionnaires Completing the activities will enable you to try outnew ideas, practice and improve new skills, and test your understanding ofthe course content

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Welcome to the American Management Association’s Self-Study course on

Asserting Yourself at Work Assertiveness is a form of behavior and

communica-tion that individuals can use to stand up for their needs and interests, theirrights and values It helps them to stand up to difficult people and stand outfrom others in positive ways Equally important, assertiveness puts them in aposition to exercise influence over their subordinates, peers, and bosses.This course will give you the skills you need to be more assertive By fol-lowing its step-by-step instruction, and completing its self-assessment tools,practical exercises, and review questions, you’ll learn to diagnose your currentlevel of assertiveness, then strengthen it

Here’s what you’ll learn in the chapters that follow:

1 This chapter provides a working definition of assertiveness and contrasts it

with two other modes of behavior and communication: passivity and

aggression The benefits of assertiveness for the individual and his or her

organization are spelled out and contrasted to the problems associated with the other two modes.

2 This chapter helps readers explore their goals and motivation for becoming

more assertive and describe where they currently stand on the

passive-assertive-aggressive continuum The key influences in a person’s life that affect assertiveness are explained and illustrated

3 This chapter explores how to identify one’s needs, wants, interests, and

values These are examined in the context of short-, medium-, and long-term goals The chapter introduces skills and strategies to develop assertive verbal and written communication

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Designed for frontline managers, supervisors, team members, and

rank-and-file employees, Asserting Yourself at Work promotes forms of behavior and

communication that will help you be more successful and more satisfied inyour working life

4 This chapter focuses on the importance of assertive nonverbal communication.

It explores the differences between passive, aggressive, and assertive nonverbal cues The six key dimensions of assertive nonverbal communication (ANC) are introduced, with an explanation of how they can be combined to strengthen nonverbal communication Strategies for aligning verbal and nonverbal communication are examined.

5 This chapter examines strategies and actions for creating a positive and visible

presence at work Seven practical actions are listed, including one that involves creating a daily action plan The importance of taking ownership, or

responsibility, for one’s successes and failures at work is also addressed.

6 This chapter explores the importance of listening in understanding the needs

and interests of others in the workplace It identifies the three levels of listening and examines techniques to explore others’ needs and interests Multicultural barriers that may keep people from disclosing their needs, interests, and concerns are examined, as well as techniques for responding to them.

7 This chapter defines assertive boundaries in the workplace It examines

boundaries related to respect, ethics, time, health and safety, and discrimination Techniques for maintaining these boundaries are provided.

8 This chapter defines four techniques for dealing with difficult or hostile people

and strategies for implementation Practical methods for dealing with workplace bullies are also explored.

9 This chapter provides a definition of influence and explores how it works in

organizations The three building blocks of influences are examined, and a method for mapping the pattern of influence in your immediate workplace is provided.

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Asserting Yourself at Work

Course Code 97004

INSTRUCTIONS: Record your answers on one of the scannable forms enclosed Please low the directions on the form carefully Be sure to keep a copy of the completed answer form for your records No photocopies will be graded When completed, mail your answer form to:

1. Which of the following is representative of a person with an assertivemode of communicating and acting?

(a) Defends his or her personal boundaries against infringement

(b) Aims to dominate others

(c) Submits to the desires of others

(d) Avoids eye contact

Pre-Test

Do you have questions? Comments? Need clarification?

Call Educational Services at 1-800-225-3215

2. Research indicates that non-verbal elements of communication such asvoice tone, facial expression, and posture account for percent of what a listener perceives.

(a) 93(b) 55(c) 20(d) 7

3. Voice tone, speaking rate, vocal inflection, volume, energy level, andfluency are all aspects of:

(a) aims to exert psychological control over the speaker

(b) involves detailed note-taking

(c) goes beyond passive absorption of information to activeinvolvement in communication

(d) requires a superior/subordinate relationship between two parties

6. Which of the following best describes the behavior or communication

7. A person can achieve positive visibility in an organization by:

(a) learning to disagree agreeably

(b) tagging along with the boss whenever possible

(c) playing up his or her accomplishments

(d) avoiding conflict

8. The boundary of time that must be assertively defended refers to aperson’s right to:

(a) a healthy balance between workplace and personal needs

(b) the efficient use of time spent at work

(c) time management principles

(d) reduce working hours as he or she approaches retirement

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9. The abstract ideals we adhere to, and for which we wish to be known are:

(a) legacy goals

11.In a “high power distance culture,” subordinates are likely to tell theirsuperiors:

(a) exactly what’s on their minds

(b) what they think their superiors want to hear

(c) as much as they are asked to tell

(d) personal confidences that their superiors may not want to know

(d) can be developed through learning and practice

13. To come across as an assertive communicator, you should:

(a) avoid beginning your sentences with “I think ”

(b) give all the details, then state your key message

(c) always put it in writing

(d) apologize first for the problem

14. In confronting unsafe or unhealthy workplace conditions, assertive people:

(a) whine to their bosses

(b) complain among themselves

(c) pose their concerns as problems that need to be solved

(d) look for the company’s point of view

15. An assertive person will take credit for his or her accomplishments, but will also:

(a) avoid actively taking responsibility for failures

(b) take responsibility for mistakes made by others

(c) remind people of his or her successes whenever possible

(d) acknowledge the contributions of others

16. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, _ is a high-levelneed.

(a) food (b) safety(c) shelter(d) self-esteem

17. have trouble accepting their own mistakes and themistakes of others

(a) Pragmatists(b) Objectivists(c) Perfectionists(d) Career climbers

18. Which of the following countries has a collectivist culture?

(a) United States(b) United kingdom(c) Canada

(d) Japan

19. Constant criticism, diminishing or denying a person’s achievements,public humiliation, screaming, blaming, the silent treatment, andmaking threats (of job loss) are indicators of:

(b) establishing a relationship with a new co-worker

(c) taking charge during an emergency

(d) enlisting collaboration within your team

21. The greatest test of assertiveness is:

(a) aligning verbal and nonverbal messages

(b) dealing with hostile or difficult people

(c) moving from a passive to a passive-aggressive state

(d) scoring a job interview

22. The building blocks of influence include:

(a) cunning

(b) substantial formal power

(c) credibility and self-confidence

(d) a lofty goal

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23. A person who comes to meetings prepared and who participatesactively is likely to create _

in the organization

(a) charisma(b) conflict(c) enemies(d) positive visibility

24. An assertive technique for diffusing another person’s criticism of you is:(a) negative inquiry

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What do we mean by assertiveness? Why should it matter to you and to yourorganization? How does it different from other modes of behavior and com-munication? This chapter defines what is meant by assertiveness and how itcontrasts with passive and aggressive modes, which can reduce a person’sworkplace effectiveness and career success

AssertivenessDefineD

Assertiveness is a mode of personal behavior and communication characterized

by a willingness to stand up for one’s needs and interests in an open and directway The assertive person stands up for things that matter to him or her while

at the same time respecting the things that matter to others You’ve probablyknown people who live this definition: the boss who is open to your ideas, butwho reserves the right to make final decisions; the co-worker who isn’t afraid

to speak up during meetings and to defend her viewpoints

the Assertive Mode

People who function in the assertive mode look after their own needs and terests and recognize the needs and interests of others They do this in the

in-proper balance Assertive people have a strong sense of self-esteem that allowsthem to protect their rights They use open, direct, and honest communicationwith others When they feel angry or upset, they confront the source of theiranger immediately in an objective way They make themselves visible in or-ganizations and work collaboratively with others They take responsibility fortheir decisions and behavior, and own up to their mistakes They are calculatedrisk-takers

some assertive people were raised in affirmative, nurturing environmentsthat provided role models for career success others did not have the advan-tage of positive childhoods or role models They chose to overcome obstaclesand become assertive, seeing that mode of behavior and communication asthe best way to operate and to reach their goals

Assertiveness is best understood in relation to two very different and posing forms of personal behavior and communication: passivity and aggression

op-Passivity

Passivity is an unassertive condition characterized by submissiveness and a fear

or unwillingness to stand up for one’s needs and interests The passive personholds back from attempting to influence others, and instead allows others toinfluence him or her and disrespect his or her rights and boundaries Becausethe passive person does not assert his or her views or argue on their behalf,his or her views are generally unclear or unknown to others, making dialogueand idea sharing difficult

People who function in the passive (or non-assertive) mode often addressthe needs and concerns of others before they address their own They will bequick to apologize, sometimes for things they didn’t do They’re inclined to

be quiet, soft-spoken, and even timid They prefer to be invisible, rather thanvisible in organizations They find it difficult to speak up in meetings or speakout about things that upset them They have trouble accepting compliments.rather than confronting a person or situation directly, they will hold theirfeelings inside or complain about the problem to someone else When theyfeel angry, they’re apt to suppress it

Passive people find it hard to stand up for their rights and may allow ple to violate their boundaries These individuals may come from nurturingcultures that foster personal relationships over individual achievement Theymay have spent their formative years in collectivist rather than in competitivesituations in general, more women than men are non-assertive, but that’s beenchanging as women take on higher positions in the workplace—and new gen-erations of women graduate from professional education programs

peo-What does a passive person sound like? Consider this example:

rachel was given a project i deserved to get i have more ence and, i believe, am better qualified i even suggested ideas onhow to get the project going now rachel will use my ideas and

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get the credit i’ll admit, she lobbied Mr Cullen pretty hard forthe assignment i didn’t i just didn’t feel comfortable promotingmyself like that

Are you a passive person at work—either out of disinterest, fear, or lack

of confidence? Do you know others who demonstrate the characteristics ofpassivity: a colleague who seldom speaks up during meetings or when deci-sions that affect him are being made; a subordinate who is reluctant to shareher ideas with you?

Aggression

As a form of personal behavior or communication, aggression is the opposite

of passivity The aggressive person has no reluctance in imposing his or herviews on others, or harming their interests in the pursuit of his or her own.rather than collaborate with others, the aggressive person prefers to domi-nate, using threats, organizational authority, or bullying when necessary He

or she tends to micromanage the work of subordinates; things must be donehis or her way This person resists the influence of those seen as less powerful

in many cases, the aggressive person is unaware of his or her effect on ers—this person thinks that he or she is simply being assertive Consider thisexample:

oth-i just got a 360-degree performance revoth-iew from my staff, boss, andpeers They said that i seem obsessed with micromanaging the de-partment My direct reports claim they have little input into deci-sions and that i look for someone to blame when things go wrong.They claim that i use my power to belittle them someone even usedthe word “toxic” to describe me Toxic! Where did that come from?

i don’t see myself that way i push my staff to perform at a peak level,

as any good manager would Even so, our numbers have been downfor the last two quarters My boss thinks there’s a link between mystyle and those disappointing results

People who function in the aggressive mode look after their own needsand interests first The needs and interests of others are always secondary.reminiscent of the old soviet line that “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours isnegotiable,” they stand up for their rights, but often at the expense of others Aggressive people have little trouble accepting compliments and maytake credit for other peoples’ work They’re often loud and visible in organi-zations They have difficulty controlling their anger and may humiliate others

in public They violate other people’s boundaries indirect forms of aggression,such as sarcasm, are used to put down or control others

some aggressive people come from achieving cultures that value vidual success more than personal relationships They may have spent theirformative years in competitive rather than in nurturing social structures ingeneral, more men than women are aggressive, although that’s changing, es-pecially in highly competitive fields

indi-The attributes of passivity, assertiveness, and aggression are summarized inExhibit 1-1.

You can probably see the superiority of the assertive mode of behaviorand communication over passivity and aggression—both from a personal ca-reer and organizational effectiveness perspective By being open to influence,assertive people are able to influence others in return By defending theirviews and rights from infringement, assertive people maintain their position

A Mixed Mode: Passive-Aggressive Behavior

A subset of the passive mode is worth mentioning here—passive-aggressive

behavior As we’ve discussed, people who are passive often have troubleconfronting situations that upset them in open and direct ways instead,they are inclined to stifle their anger, and then complain about the person

or situation to someone else—or unleash their anger down the road atsomeone who had nothing to do with the problem in short, people whobehave in a passive-aggressive way are passive when a troubling situationarises, but aggressive in venting their anger

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xhibit 1-1

The Passive-Assertive-Aggressive Continuum

• Does not stand up for

his/her interests and

viewpoints, but submits

opinions and rights

• Does not try to influence

• Speaks his/her mind

• Makes his/her agenda clear

• Not afraid to attempt to influence others

• Respects the views and rights of others

• Defends his/her views, rights, and boundaries against infringement

• Controls anger

• Uses aggressive behavior defensively

• Is open to influence even

as he/she seeks to influence others

• Aims for dominance over others

• Imposes his/her views on others

• Does not respect views

or boundaries of others

• Resistant to influence by others

• May lose control of his/her anger

• Uses threats to get his/her way

• Is “in your face”

• Aims to be highly visible

Aggressive co-workers recognize that assertive people must be taken seriouslyand approached with respect When assertive people speak their mind on is-sues that matter to them and to the organization, they contribute to importantdecisions—thereby shaping the organization and influencing its direction.Higher management, peers, and subordinates alike see assertive individuals

as people to be reckoned with—people with something to contribute Thisoften translates into greater career opportunities

in contrast, passive people are like leaves floating in a stream, drawnalong by the current, but making no impact on the direction or speed of theflow They will have few opportunities for advancement Aggressive people,

on the other hand, may create problems for the organization and for thosearound them While aggression may get them what they want in many cases,their behavior will prove costly in the long run Co-workers whose views andinsights are not respected will stop offering help Peers whose rights are in-fringed will become enemies and may actively undermine the aggressors.When office bullies make serious mistakes or get into tough situations, no onewants to come to their aid

Assertiveness AnD theneW

WorkPlAce

The typical workplace has been transformed—from a very controlled andstratified environment to one that is more open and dependent on the initia-tive of employees at all levels This new workplace benefits from employeeassertiveness

until a few decades ago, most organizations followed a control model in which information about customers and operations flowedupward through the chain of command to the top Workers communicatedwith their supervisors Those supervisors decided what information was rel-evant to pass up to the next level, and so on Based on that information, deci-sions were made at the top level and then communicated downward throughthe same chain of command The people at or near the top did all the thinking,deciding, and ordering; the people below followed their orders

command-and-That command-and-control form of management has largely given way

to a new world of employee empowerment and team-based work, both ofwhich depend on the initiative and collaboration of employees at all levels

Employee empowerment refers to a management style that gives subordinates

sub-stantial discretion in how they accomplish their objectives Managers explainwhat needs to be done, but leave it up to subordinates to find the best way to

do it These same managers look to their employees—who are much closer

to the action—for the ideas and data on which their decisions will be made.Empowered employees are also given greater authority over company re-sources for example, an employee who deals directly with customers may beauthorized—without first checking with his or her boss—to give rebates, dis-counts, refunds, or other services in order to resolve problems or correct er-rors research suggests that empowerment contributes to greater employeemotivation, productivity, and workplace satisfaction

Team-based work is work performed in a coordinated manner by a set of

employees, often individuals with very different skills Many important tomer accounts are now handled by teams that include, for example, a sales-person, a technical support specialist, and a customer service representative.These team members share information and ideas, and work together to getand keep the account likewise, new products are often developed by cross-functional teams that include engineers, marketing and manufacturing per-sonnel, and financial specialists

cus-Passivity and aggression are destructive of both employee empowermentand team-based work Employee empowerment depends on people takingcharge and speaking up; assertiveness on behalf of operational improvement

is required And because empowered employees are held responsible for sults, they must have the confidence and backbone to protect their ability tothink and act Teams also depend upon their success on the assertiveness oftheir members Even when there is a formal leader, team members must havethe confidence to share ideas and information, and make a strong case for newand better ways of doing the work When team decisions are made, each mem-ber’s voice matters An aggressive, self-aggrandizing individual is toxic to asmoothly functioning team There’s no room for a person with a “drill ser-geant” personality likewise, a passive team member is unlikely to contribute

re-as much re-as he or she should

Do you work in a team-based workplace? If you do, reflect for a moment on the behaviors and communication styles of both you and your teammates Would any fit our description of passivity?

If they do, briefly describe the impact of that passivity on the effective functioning of your team

Does anyone on your team display aggressive behavior? Describe how that behavior affects the work of your team and its operational results.

Think About It

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Assertiveness as a signaling Mechanism

The new workplace depends on people being able to articulate their concernsand respond appropriately to others Do you communicate with an appropri-ate level of assertiveness?

Assertiveness has a situational component because we view some things

as more important than others We’re naturally more willing to speak up forsome things than for others; we let go of things that aren’t worth the effort sothat we can commit our full energy to those that are in this sense, assertivecommunication sends a signal about what we value and consider important.for example, you may not care where your company holds its annual holiday

party, but you do care about the company’s formula for determining its annual

bonus or perhaps it’s the other way around You may care greatly about theformer because a more elaborate affair sends a message about how much thecompany values you and your team in any event, you’re the only one whohas the right to decide these things Being assertive on issues like these letsother people know where you stand and what you view as important A passiveperson who never stands up or speaks out also sends a signal to others—oftenthe wrong one: “Whatever you decide is okay with me,” or “i don’t care oneway or the other.” What signals do these statements send?

Assertiveness as learned Behavior

Are you passive in your communications at work and frustrated by how it’s ing you back? Do you have an habitually aggressive approach to dealing withothers—an approach you’d like to change? if you answered “yes” to either ques-tion, there’s good news it’s possible to change You can learn to be assertive—whatever your experiences and emotional makeup—and no matter how anxiousyou might feel about giving it a try You can change patterns of behavior thatprevent you from becoming the assertive person you want to be it’s similar tothe question, “Are leaders made or born?” some people have natural leadershipskills, while others must work to acquire those skills through learning and prac-tice And so it will be with your quest to become more assertive The knowledgeyou gain in this course, combined with regular practice, will make assertive be-havior and communication second nature to you The first step toward that goal

hold-is self-understanding, the subject of the next chapter

Read the following scenario, then answer the questions.

The monthly sales meeting followed its usual pattern Rolf, the district sales manager, chaired the meeting from his seat at the head of the conference table He glared at his subordinates over the rim of his glasses and said, “Well, you have last month’s results in front of you They’re pathetic.” Then raising his voice, he yelled, “They stink!”

Except for Ellen, the five salespeople at the table and Rolf’s secretary all avoided eye contact with their boss They found it safer to look down at the report in front of them Unlike Rolf, the report wouldn’t bite them

Exercise 1-1

Identify the Mode

Exercise 1-1 continues on next page.

Then Ellen spoke up “Yes, we’ve had a bad month overall,” she said directly to Rolf Then verting her gaze in turn to each of the others, she continued “Each of us can certainly do better And we have a number of opportunities to do so Let me list them briefly, starting with the Acme account, where an order decision is pending.”

di-Ellen’s confidence in speaking about several opportunities to bring in sales relieved some of the tension and fear that Rolf had cast over the group Nevertheless, the others remained silent, speaking only to answer questions put to them directly by Rolf or Ellen When the meeting ended, Ellen stayed behind to talk with Rolf; the rest quickly exited the conference room and scurried back to their cubicles Later that day, Jim and Suzanne, two of Rolf’s sales people, encountered each other in the coffee room “That meeting was appalling Rolf is such a jerk,” Jim opined “If I didn’t need the com- mission income so badly, I’d let my sales go to pot next month just to make him look bad as sales manager If we all did that, do you think they’d fire him?” This was dangerous talk Suzanne finished pouring her coffee and quickly left the room.

1 Which of the characters in this scenario would you describe as aggressive? Explain.

2 Which character demonstrated assertive behavior and communication? Explain.

3 Which character displayed passive-aggressive behavior? Explain.

4 What passive behavior did you see in the scenario?

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Exercise 1-1continued from previous page

Assertiveness is a mode of personal behavior and cation characterized by a willingness to stand up for one’sneeds, concerns, and interests in an open and direct way As-sertiveness stands in contrast with two other modes: passivityand aggression Passivity is an unassertive condition charac-terized by submissiveness, and a fear or unwillingness to stand

communi-up for one’s needs and interests The passive person holds backfrom attempting to influence others, and instead allows others

to influence him or her and disrespect his or her rights and boundaries onthe opposite end of the behavior continuum is aggression The aggressive per-son has no reluctance in imposing his or her views on others, or harming theirinterests in the pursuit of his or her own This person prefers to dominate oth-ers than to collaborate with them Threats, micromanaging, and bullying areused to get his or her way

Because the assertive mode of behavior and communication is more patible with workplaces that embrace employee empowerment and team-based work, it has career and organizational benefits that passivity andaggression lack Assertiveness also acts as a signaling mechanism, telling otherswhat the assertive person considers important A person’s natural mode of be-havior and communication may be a product of his or her upbringing How-ever, that natural mode can be changed through learning and practice.recap

INSTRUCTIONS: Here is the first set of review questions in this course Answering the questions lowing each chapter will give you a chance to check your comprehension of the concepts as they are presented and will reinforce your understanding of them.

fol-As you can see below, the answer to each numbered question is printed to the side of the question Before beginning, you should conceal the answers by placing a sheet of paper over the answers as you work down the page Then read and answer each question Compare your answers with those given For any questions you answer incorrectly, make an effort to understand why the answer given is the correct one You may find it helpful to turn back to the appropriate section of the chapter and review the material of which you were unsure.

At any rate, be sure you understand all the review questions before going on to the next chapter.

1. Assertiveness can be a for letting other people 1 (a)

know what you think is important

(a) signaling mechanism

(b) subterfuge

(c) proxy

(d) trailing indicator

2. A person’s behavior and communication mode: 2 (c)

(a) is an unalterable consequence of socialization

(b) is unrelated to upbringing and experience

(c) can be changed through learning and practice

(d) has no career consequences

3. Which of the following types of workplaces depends on employee 3 (d)

assertiveness for success?

(a) A hierarchical workplace

(b) A command-and-control workplace

(c) A stratified workplace

(d) A team-based workplace

4. You are in the aggressive mode if you: 4 (b)

(a) listen to others and smooth things over to keep the peace

(b) aim to dominate others

(c) are quick to admit your mistakes

(d) give balanced compliments and constructive criticism

5. Being assertive means: 5 (b)

(a) putting other people’s needs and interests first

(b) standing up for one’s needs and interests in open and direct ways

(c) always playing to win, no matter what the cost

(d) combining features of both the passive and aggressive modes

Review Questions

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• Describe the roles of attitude, self-esteem,and self-confidence in shaping your as-sertiveness profile.

The previous chapter defined assertiveness and identified its value to your reer and to the organization you work for Here we shift the focus from thesubject of assertiveness to you, the reader We aim to help you understand yourmotivation for becoming more assertive and, through a self-test, provide a way

ca-to measure where you are now on the passive-assertive-aggressive continuum.Once you know where you stand, we will go further, probing the life influencesthat have contributed to your current mode of behavior and communication.The fact of recognizing these influences will help you control them

BenchmarkingYourmotivations

Before we get to your assertiveness profile, let’s address your motivations.What situations or concerns brought you to thinking of taking this course?

Were you tired of being a doormat for more aggressive people at work? ifyou’re an aggressive type, perhaps you wanted to “tone it down” after years

of alienating people with your impulse to always get the upper hand Perhapsyou lost your job or the raise you wanted, or you were passed over for pro-motion Perhaps your subordinates cower when they see you or break downwhen you reprimand them—or even worse, shut down altogether Perhapsyour boss, a colleague, or a loved one suggested you sign up for assertivenesstraining

Whatever your motivation, take the time right now to think about it andyour situation Write down your answers to the questions in exercise 2-1 An-swer each question honestly and fully use a separate sheet of paper if youneed more space keep the worksheet handy so that you can mark yourprogress as you move through this course

Answer each of the following questions about your goals and motivations

1.What situation or event prompted you to seek assertiveness training?

2 What do you expect to change or accomplish as a result of this course?

Exercise 2-1

Your Goals and Motivations

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Exercise 2-1 continues on next page.

3 How do you visualize yourself once you have achieved your desired results?

How did you answer the questions in exercise 2-1? Perhaps losing a motion or important assignment to a more assertive co-worker is your moti-vation for taking this course Perhaps you anticipate a brighter career future

pro-by becoming less aggressive and more assertive Can you visualize yourselfmanaging people during difficult situations in ways that are respectful yetfirm? Whatever your responses, take a moment to process them and thinkdeeply about your style of behavior and communication, and how both could

be changed to make you more effective at work

YourassertivenessProfile

The first step toward becoming assertive is to abide by that wise command to

“know thyself.” self-awareness is the foundation of self-improvement To ceed in your quest to gain a more assertive attitude and behavior, you need aclear idea of who you are, how you got to be what you are, and how you per-ceive the world While there are no easy answers to these questions, you mayexperience some “aha” moments from time to time—revelations and insightsthat spark your imagination and truly change your way of thinking Yet, keep

suc-in msuc-ind that many people spend years of soul-searchsuc-ing with professionalcounselors in an effort to understand their inner selves and their outward ac-tions Your quest for self-awareness may continue long after you complete thiscourse We encourage you to make it a lifelong journey

The previous chapter identified a continuum of behaviors and nication, ranging from passivity on one end, with aggression on the other, andassertiveness in the center Before we go further, let’s take stock of where youcurrently stand on that continuum is your natural inclination to be passive,assertive, or aggressive? The self-assessment exercise presented in exercise2-2 will help you answer that question As you complete the exercise, be ashonest as you can You will total and evaluate your score later

commu-Exercise 2-1continued from previous page

3 I stand up for my needs and interests at work and _ _ _ acknowledge the needs and interests of others.

4 It’s a competitive world, so I strive to get mine while I can _ _ _

5 I take calculated risks and view my mistakes as a _ _ _ learning experience.

I inform him or her of my feelings right away.

8 When I criticize someone, I start with the word _ _ _

“you,” as in, “You never come to meetings on time.”

9 I replay upsetting conversations or situations _ _ _ over and over in my mind.

10 When a subordinate or co-worker expresses dissent, _ _ _

I view it as a challenge to my authority.

11 I take responsibility for my decisions and actions at _ _ _ work without blaming others.

12 When someone compliments me, I brush it off _ _ _

14 I’m reluctant to give negative feedback to my teammates, _ _ _ subordinates, or boss.

15 My subordinates and co-workers appear to be afraid of me _ _ _

16 I give advice to others when they haven’t asked for it _ _ _

and say, “Thank you.”

18 I find it difficult to ask for feedback on my job performance _ _ _

19 In meetings, I express my ideas and listen carefully _ _ _

to the ideas of others.

21 I put my needs and interests before the needs and _ _ _ interests of others.

22 I welcome constructive criticism and use it to improve _ _ _

my job performance.

Exercise 2-2

Your Assertiveness Profile

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Exercise 2-2 continues on next page.

23 When someone strongly opposes my viewpoint, _ _ _

I back down.

24 When someone says something that upsets me, _ _ _

I respond with sarcasm or a put-down.

25 I respect the opinions of others, even when they _ _ _ disagree with me.

27 When I do something that hurts someone else, _ _ _

I acknowledge it and apologize, then move on

without dwelling on it.

28 I feel uncomfortable expressing disagreement with my _ _ _ boss or other authority figures.

29 If someone shouts at me during a disagreement, _ _ _

first, give yourself 10 points for each “Most of the Time” you marked.Award 5 points for each “sometimes”; and give yourself a 0 for each “rarely(or never).” next, total your score as follows:

(a) Add up your points for statements # 1, 6, 9, 12, 14, 18, 20, 23, 26, and

28 These represent the passive mode Your highest possible totalscore is 100

record your passive score here:

(b) Add up your points for statements # 2, 4, 8, 10, 13, 15, 16, 21, 24, and

29 These represent the aggressive mode Your highest possible score

is 100

record your aggressive score here:

(c) now add your points for statements # 3, 5, 7, 11, 17, 19, 22, 25, 27,and 30 These represent the assertive mode Your highest possibletotal is 100

record your assertive score here:

Exercise 2-2continued from previous page

Rarely Sometimes Most of (or Never) the Time

interpreting Your score

use the following table to interpret your score, beginning with the passivemode

How did you score? if you scored in the high range for the passive mode

or the aggressive mode, look at the statements you marked “Most of the Time”

and “sometimes.” These describe behaviors and attitudes you need to change or avoid if you want to be more assertive.

next, study the statements that indicate the assertive mode (# 3, 5, 7, 11,

17, 19, 22, 25, 27, and 30) These describe behaviors and attitudes you shouldactively develop into habits if you scored in the high range for the assertivemode (80 or higher), you already have excellent assertiveness skills in manyareas You may want to use this course to enhance those skills, which includeverbal, nonverbal, and multicultural assertiveness if you scored 70 or less forthe assertive mode, look at statements you marked “sometimes” or “rarely.”These represent opportunities for improvement

70-79 Moderately high passive

Less than 40 Mildly passive

70-79 Moderately high aggressive 55-69 Moderately aggressive

Less than 40 Mildly aggressive

70-79 Moderately high assertive 55-69 Moderately assertive 40-54 Low-moderate assertive Less than 40 Mildly assertive

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Now that you’ve determined you own assertiveness profile, think about the profiles of at least three

of your subordinates How do you think they would score (moderately assertive, mildly passive, aggressive) on the same self-assessment test? Write in their names and your best guess at their profiles below.

match Your mode to the situation

Although assertiveness is the best all-around mode for workplace tiveness, there are times when it may make sense to adopt either a passive(non-assertive) or aggressive mode for example, your co-worker has a sickchild and needs to take the next day off You had planned to be out of theoffice that day on client calls, but respect that person’s need to be homeand provide care You reschedule your appointments and tell your co-worker not to worry about taking the day off in moving from assertive tonon-assertive mode, you’ve put your co-worker’s needs before your ownbecause you care about your long-term relationship with that employee.Aggressiveness is also appropriate sometimes—for example, during

effec-an emergency Let’s say that effec-an employee has fallen down the stairs Hemay have broken bones, had a concussion, or suffered heart failure noone knows his condition and several people rush to his aid, but clearlythey don’t know what they’re doing Because you’ve had extensive firstaid training and experience, you push them aside and aggressively takecontrol, shouting orders as you tend to the injured person: “Bill, call 9-1-

1 and get an ambulance here right away sally, run to the closet and bringtwo heavy coats; we don’t want him going into shock.” Moving from theassertive to the aggressive mode makes perfect sense in this case Otherpeople will usually welcome your aggressive “take charge” action in anemergency

Aggressive behavior may also be appropriate when someone is gressively trying to violate your sense self-respect or clear rights We’llhave more on this in Chapter 8, which explains how to handle difficultpeople and the office “bully.”