The Path to Happiness and Wealth pptx

Ironically, people who believe that will probably never be able to achieve their dream of being wealthy because they are constantly feeding the emptiness they feel inside with money.. As

THE PATH TO HAPPINESS AND WEALTH

How To Enjoy Money And Life At The Same Time

bySteve RhodeSMASHWORDS EDITION

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PUBLISHED BY:

Steve Rhode on Smashwordshttp://GetOutOfDebt.orgThe Path to Happiness and WealthHow to Enjoy Money and Life at the Same Time

Copyright © 2002 by Steve Rhode

The Path to Happiness and Wealth First Edition By Steve Rhode

© 2002 Steve Rhode

This book is intended to provide accurate information to educate you This book is not intended to be a substitute for legal, investment, or financial planning advice If you need legal or financial planning advice, you should consult with a lawyer, investment advisor, financial planner, or other professional in your state

All rights reserved Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of

this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only This ebook may not be re-sold

or given away to other people If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy Thank you for respecting the authors’ work

I Got Hit in the Head With a Baseball and I Saw it Coming

I Got Hit in the Head With a Baseball and I Saw it Coming

In 1990, my wife and I filed bankruptcy We kept the secret for almost 10 years and never talked about it publicly I felt like a failure It was painful and embarrassing and, though there were many factors that lead up to that event, it still causes a deep internal ache to talk about it But we found, as you will, that keeping the secret was worse than being honest about what happened

The first “outsider” I ever told about my bankruptcy was Mike Kidwell I met Mike a couple of years after filing, when we both worked at IBM I feel truly blessed that we met and were able to share our dreams and goals with each other Our common dream to help people overcome the pain of money troubles has developed a strong bond between us One day while we were at work, I felt I had to share my secret with Mike I told him I needed to tell him something and asked him to follow me

We went through three levels of security doors, going deeper into the heart of the building until we were finally in the mainframe room There were a couple of glass walls through which people could see us talking, but no one could hear us because the noise in the room drowned out our conversation I’m sure, as they saw us standing there, it

seemed like something out of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” as HAL, the computer, watches the guys trying to have a private conversation in the pod I was even worried that

someone might be able to read my lips I know it sounds ridiculous now

I nervously told Mike my secret and it didn’t faze him a bit What a guy Years later, I told others I just told you and I didn’t even need to Since it’s no longer a matter of public record, you never would have known about my greatest financial failure It is also the source of my inner strength From that pain and financial devastation I was able to go

on to help others God gave me a doctorate in financial defeat And as strange as it may sound today, I’m grateful for the blessing God, if you are listening right now, I learned that lesson and don’t need a refresher

Once I stopped worrying about how others might judge me, it gave me a freedom in life to stop hiding behind what might be and live in the now It got tiring carrying around all that baggage Once my wife and I atoned for our financial sins, it gave us even more comfort and freedom than we’d ever had It was a huge milestone on the way to internal

prosperity

That is how my greatest failure became my greatest gift I found that about 1.5 million people also face bankruptcy every year Many face uncertainty and stress over financial problems I was able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and search for a better way to deal with financial troubles so I don’t end up making the same mistakes twice I resolved

to help others by sharing what I learned Now you don’t have to hit a brick wall without

an air bag, like I did

Even now, after a period of prolonged economic prosperity, our country is packed with people who lack confidence, feel lonely and unhappy, and are trying to have more and more “stuff” because they think the stuff will make them confident, secure and loved The prevailing core belief appears to be that material wealth is the key to happiness Ironically, people who believe that will probably never be able to achieve their dream of being wealthy because they are constantly feeding the emptiness they feel inside with money They use money as a drug As one client told me, “Shopping is my heroin and Discover Card my needle.” Their lives are painful and frustrating, so they pledge the money they have and the money they don’t have (credit) to the purchase of stuff they believe will dull the pain within As they do this, the money they actually have slips through their fingers, gone forever

So what is the secret to happiness if it isn’t money? Well, I’m not the Dalai Lama, I’m just a guy who’s been there I’ve made mistakes and gained a lot of wisdom along the way And, I’ve been fortunate to be able to use that wisdom to help a lot of people have more money, appreciate the money they have and lead better lives One of the core reasons why their lives become more rewarding is because now they “get it” and a lot of the “it” is packed into this book

I encourage you to abuse this book Highlight passages that strike you Underline sentences that speak directly to you and dog-ear pages you want to find again Make it a true reference work for you as you discover your path to the rewarding life you deserve This book contains the skills necessary for you to begin to live a life of happiness, fulfillment, joy and wealth It’s what you are looking for, and the basic tools are all right here

LET’S DIG IN

When you decide to dig into your money issues, what you might find is that you’ve been stuck and confused about what to do Of course, what makes it more painful is the perception that somehow you were a victim of circumstances beyond your control and took no action to remedy the situation

It’s hard for people to be honest with themselves when they are struggling with money issues, or at any other time, for that matter People often feel an almost overwhelming urge to hunt for the “perpetrator” of their difficulty There is so much blame being spread around in bad times that people sometimes forget to point at themselves People don’t want their inner critic to begin shouting at them about how stupid they are, and on and

on

First, let’s take a healthy approach to the situation and put duct tape over your inner critic’s mouth Your inner critic is that voice inside your head that is quick to tell you when you’ve screwed up There is a helpful time for your inner critic to speak, and then there is now

I was about 10 years old and visiting relatives in Vermont when I learned an important life lesson It was one of those perfect summer days when the wind was just gently

moving, the temperature was perfect, the sky was deep blue and not a bug was in sight

My uncle Ralph asked me if I wanted togo with him to see a local baseball team and, being the baseball fan that I was, I jumped at the chance

I think it was a high school team playing that day We arrived late and grabbed the last two seats in the wooden bleachers I always have fond memories of wooden bleachers; the aluminum ones of today are just not as satisfying I mean, not only are they cold on your tush on a winter night, but they are noisy as heck as people tramp across them Anyway, we sat about two rows up from the bottom on the third base side We grabbed the last couple of spots on the side of the bleachers farthest from home plate

We had been there about 10 minutes, just long enough for me to see who was winning This blond-headed guy got up to bat I remember the pitch and swing in slow motion The pitch was straight down the pipe, from my vantage point, and the swing was like you see

on top of a trophy He took a mighty pass at the ball and almost missed His timing was just a bit off, but he got a piece of it late in the swing I heard the “swack” and watched

the ball screaming like a bullet down the third base line Then everything went silent At that point it was just me and the ball Out of my peripheral vision I saw people leaning back to avoid getting hit I watched the ball come flying right toward me like a smart bomb

The ball slid past the crowd in the bleachers and hit me square in the side of the head

It hit me so hard that it knocked me out of the bleachers and face first onto the grass Thank goodness for the grass I don’t remember whatever happened to that ball, but boy was I upset at it, though it wasn’t the ball’s fault

The silly part is that I saw the ball coming, but I was paralyzed Maybe I didn’t know what to do, or maybe I just didn’t have enough experience to know what was going to happen All I do know is I watched the whole thing: I saw the ball coming and it hit me in the head and knocked me out of the stands

The story has a happy ending I didn’t lose consciousness, there wasn’t any blood and

I think I got free popcorn out of the deal I also got to meet the batter after he ran over to see how I was doing I think he just wanted to see if he had killed me More than three and a half decades later, I’m sure he’s still telling his buddies about the day he clean knocked this kid out of the stands

I watch many people with money problems and issues behave exactly the way I did that day at the ball game They are inexperienced, unsure of exactly what to do and rather than take some evasive action, they get hit square in the head with the problem

#

“If you’re not in the game, you’re in the stands on your behind.”

#Almost all people who are facing financial problems are on the creditor safari They are on the hunt for the person or persons who got them into the situation they are in right now The honest answer is that you are probably the most to blame for what you are going through I don’t mean to sound harsh, but unless someone put a gun to your head and made you sign for all that credit, you don’t have a leg to stand on OK, some people get fooled or even lied to when they sign for credit, but in my experience that very rarely occurs For the most part, life just happens and we let it happen to us

For many years I worked in the medical field One day I decided to pursue my dream,

which was to sell real estate, and left I started my own company, The Great Virginia Land Company I thought it would be really cool to work outside all day long, walking through the country, enjoying nature and making a living at the same time I bought and sold country acreage When I sold property I wanted to make very sure that the people clearly understood the contract they were about to sign, which included financing At first, I would read the contract with them, explain every detail and be available to answer any questions they had Their eyes typically glazed over by the third paragraph

That approach wasn’t working, so I made myself available as they read the contract to answer any questions they had Nobody asked questions They just wanted to know where to sign I even asked them questions to make sure they had read the contract Most were put off by my inquisition Finally, they trained me just to hand them the contract They would look up and before they could say anything, I’d say, “Here,” and point to the signature line They would look up again and I’d say, “Here,” and hand them a pen

I used to get excited when I thought someone was going to ask a question about the financing I wanted to explain it all to them, but finally I was beaten into submission by the public’s lack of concern about the contract or financing The prevailing question never was about the total cost, instead it was always, “What will my monthly payment be?” They didn’t want to be bothered to actually read or understand the damn thing They just wanted what they perceived to be the benefit once they signed the contract

One day I sold 14 pieces of property at one time There were so many people who wanted to purchase property from me that I passed out blank contracts, stood on the trunk

of my car and shouted out instructions on how to fill in the blanks The purchasers all gathered around as if they were at a concert in the park “In the first blank, put today’s date.” It was insane, but I could not stop the frenzied action If I had not done it that way,

it is very possible that I could have been physically injured People would get in such a tizzy if they could not sign the contract as quickly as possible

It was frightening at times One day, two people wanted to buy the same piece of property One person made the decision to buy it first, and the other said he was going to kill me with the gun in the back window of his truck I decided it would be a good time to leave, so I calmly walked to the car, jumped in and turned the ignition Trust me, “wrrr-wrr-wr” is not the kind of sound you want to hear at a moment like this The battery was

dead and I didn’t want to be

So what did I learn from my experience? I learned people don’t like to see snakes when they are out walking in the country, and they aren’t that interested in understanding consumer credit transactions

Inevitably, if a problem ever arose after the transaction took place, the perception was always that the purchaser was the victim, even when the terms were clearly spelled out in the contract that they refused to read

The same is true for almost all consumer credit transactions People don’t read the agreements they sign and if they do, they will not, or do not, ask questions Even if they

do ask a question and are a little troubled by the answer, the vast

majority of people will sign the agreement anyway, as long as they get what they want when they do sign it

To develop a foundation for internal prosperity and external wealth, you cannot sit idly by and watch your life pass before you You have to participate; otherwise you get what’s left over You must summon up the courage to assume responsibility for your life and while you’re at it, you’ll avoid getting hit in the head

The thought of looking inward, focusing on building internal prosperity — the inner disposition, traits and skills necessary to make you happy — is an uncomfortable thought for many people How fortunate you are that you are willing to find a way not only to have enough money to make you wealthy, but also to pursue the admirable goal of

finding your path to a rich and rewarding emotional, spiritual and financial life

This book will help you find the answers you are looking for Yes, it is possible to make enough money to be happy Yes, you can be proud of yourself, your life and your accomplishments Yes, there is a better way

#

“The constant pursuit of something always leaves you pursuing, never arriving.”

#The majority of people I help have spent their lives chasing a dream of wealth and ended up with the opposite of wealth, massive debt and lost opportunity They slave at jobs they don’t like and hope for a life of luxury and happiness that will be brought about

by more money “If only I could work harder.” “If only my spouse would leave me alone

so I could focus.” “Kids, shut up!” It is a shallow, sad and empty dream It’s a dream created by the perception or belief that life would be better with more money It is not real

For some people, more money is definitely a blessing, but would it help bring them closer to living their dream of being “rich?” What about lottery winners who blow through their good fortune? I saw one couple as clients who won big amounts on the lottery scratch-off cards, only to blow through it and be left worse off than ever

Money alone clearly was not the secret to their happiness Their lottery winnings became a big burden for them They now had a string of moochers at the door, a bunch of stuff they had to take care of like homes, cars and boats Another thing they never anticipated was that they had even fewer skills when they had to re-enter the job market later because they had essentially taken a couple of years of vacation Money made them wealthy but not wise Not knowing how to handle it made them ultimately less satisfied with life

Working with people like the big lottery winners has made me think a lot about money and happiness and how they fit together

The information in this book was gathered in part through my own experience and from working with so many people with financial problems It’s frustrating to see people suffering and not many folks available who understand why When I share my message with financial professionals, attorneys, social workers, therapists and others, I can see the light bulb go on and they usually say, “People need to know what you know I haven’t met anyone else who has put the puzzle together You’ve really got answers.”

Over the years, I’ve read so much written by financial pundits and interviewed many

of them on my radio show, and now I’m convinced that while they may understand the technical side of money issues, they don’t understand the emotional side They get it wrong because they don’t understand that money problems are not about the money and that makes it hard for them to point people back to the path to happiness It’s kind of like sitting in the bleachers with me way back when Think of your financial issues as that rocket ball that launched off that bat You see the problems coming, but you don’t know what to do “Swack” straight to the head and out of the stands you go, face first into the dirt There is a better way

I wrote this book to introduce you to the principles I have learned over the years to help you create a better relationship with money and make you happier and more satisfied with your life It will keep you in the stands You might even get box seats Did someone say hot dogs?

WHAT CAN YOU TEACH YOURSELF?

There is no reason why you can’t use your own past experiences to help you excel in the future Rather than run from the times you made a mistake, relive them to extract the essence of wisdom and maybe give yourself a good laugh The ability to laugh at ourselves is important to lightening our heavy load in life Don’t take yourself so seriously Relax If you are having trouble relaxing, here are a couple of quick relaxation exercises

#

Steve’s Eight Cheap and Easy Steps For Stressed Out People Who Can’t Relax

1 Sit up straight with your hands in your lap

2 Focus on relaxing your shoulders; feel them droop

3 Focus on relaxing your legs and your back; feel them getting less tense

4 Focus on breathing slower; feel your breathing slow down

5 Close your eyes

6 Count your breaths Breathe in “10,” breathe out, “9,” breathe in “8,” you get the idea Count your breaths this way until you get to one Count your breathes in groups of

10 When you get to one, start over again Just focus on counting your breaths

7 As thoughts pop into your head, acknowledge you had the thought and let it go Just focus on counting your breaths

8 As you sit and relax, try not to acknowledge any stimulation, try not to move, try not to open your eyes, try not to do anything else Just live in the moment Stop whenever you want

#

Steve’s Four Step Emergency“I Can’t Take It Anymore, I’m Going To Explode Right Now”Relaxation Exercise

1 Slowly count to five in your head and breathe in the entire time

2 Slowly count to five in your head and hold your breath the entire time

3 Slowly count to five in your head and breathe out the entire time

4 Repeat as needed

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CHAPTER TWO

What Your Money Is Trying To Tell You

The truth about money is that money is a thing The leaves left in your gutters could have more value and worth if we all agreed they do Money is just paper, metal or virtual credit in a computer The truth about money is that if you think you will feel more

fulfilled and happier with life only when you have a lot of money, you will be very disappointed

Now you may be kind of bummed reading that, but I’ve got some good news Money can be wonderful In my life I’ve had times where I lived on nickels in my pocket and I’ve lived with plenty in the bank I’d rather have money because money gives you options But unless you cultivate internal prosperity, you won’t be smart about how you use those options or you won’t see them in the first place Furthermore, you won’t hang

on to that money for very long So let’s look at what you need to start down the road to internal prosperity, now that you know the truth about money

IT’S EASY TO LOOK WEALTHY

If you want to project an image of wealth, all you need to do is project the illusion that you have credit, money or things others value

Most people measure wealth in terms of the amount of things they have that others want, and the typical unit of measure for wealth is your local currency Here, in the United States, it’s the good old U.S dollar The dollar is no more than an agreed-upon unit of exchange It’s only valuable because we believe it to be valuable It’s a thing It’s

Having money can allow you to do many things you were never able to do before However, unless you achieve inner prosperity, you may find your new life to be as

problematic as it was when you had less

How much is it worth to you to achieve peace, balance and happiness in life? Would you rather have a lot in the bank but still feel like something is missing inside of you? Would you sell your soul?

The world would say that the only thing you need to be wealthy is money, but unless you can find internal prosperity along the way, more will never be enough

Generally, when people experience money troubles, the underlying causes and

problems are not about the money at all

Let’s look at a couple who most people admire and assume are very successful

because they live in the right neighborhood, have the right car and hang out with the right people The problem is that Bob and Susan are facing foreclosure of their beautiful home

Perception: Bob feels the mortgage company does not adequately understand their

situation They should not be foreclosed upon; surely there is something somebody can

do Bob is furious with the mortgage company

Reality: They are not making their mortgage payments as promised They’ve missed

the last couple of payments and have been late with some others Last year, they worked out a repayment arrangement to get caught up on the mortgage, but didn’t make the adjusted payments as they had agreed After all, they had to take their kids on an

exclusive vacation to Disney What would their friends think if they didn’t? They already told them they were going and goodness, they couldn’t back out now How would that look?

The only reason they are in the very expensive house to begin with is they desperately wanted to live in the neighborhood The “in-crowd” either wants to live there or already does Bob works hard and Susan feels they deserve the financial success life owes them Sure, things are a little tight today, but aren’t they for everyone?

The last vacation cost a bit more than they had planned and wound up on expensive credit cards “We’ll pay it off next month,” they say

Once they moved into their new house, they threw a housewarming party, and

everybody knows you have to decorate before people come over What are guests going

to sit on? The furniture from the old house didn’t fill enough rooms and besides, it didn’t

go with the new house It had to go The new furniture was very expensive, but the furniture gallery had a great finance plan, and who could say no? Bob and Susan justified their expensive purchase by saying that the furniture was a long-term investment and so,

of course, they filled out the credit application They had to have it

The new furniture made the window treatments look shabby Everyone can see the drapes from the outside, so new ones were ordered Who knew they were that expensive?

“We’ll just have to put them on the card,” they said

A couple of months ago Bob came home with a sporty new convertible He hadn’t planned on buying it but a couple of guys at work were talking about how cool it was and before he knew it, he was at the dealership signing some papers and driving home in the new car “This was a smart move and a great purchase,” he said to himself as he pressed the accelerator a little harder than he should have as he exited the highway He pictured the relaxing drives he and Susan would take in the country with the top down

They needed to spend some quality time together Bob felt they were not as close as they used to be The car would help bring them closer together Because the car only held two people, they would have to get a sitter to watch the kids as they cruised on the back roads to share those lost moments “I know” he thought, “I’ll make a reservation at that bed and breakfast I’ve been reading about It’s a bit expensive, but it will be special and we’ll have a great time The weekend will be perfect.” The $200 weekend actually turned

out to be a $600 weekend but, “goodness knows we needed it,” he said.

The day after Bob bought the car was an awesome day at work The guys could not believe he had purchased it It was hot Everyone at work was talking about his sporty wheels in the parking lot Some were jealous Bob was the big man in the parking lot this week OK, the new car payments were a stretch for them, but it was only for six years Bob knew he paid top dollar for the car but if he had haggled, he would have had to wait

a month for the next shipment to come in He needed the car now

Things felt a little financially snug for them since their kids had started private school The local school system was terrible, that’s what everyone said, and so Green Fields Academy was the only solution The kids would get a better education and it was just coincidental that the weekend crowd had their kids in the same school It’s better for carpooling, Bob and Susan told themselves They also had a conversation about the fact that they were so busy earning money and doing volunteer work that they did not have the time to sit down with their kids and give them the kind of homework attention the kids needed Private school would give their kids the extra attention it would take to really let them get ahead academically Maybe a tutor? That might help “Did you hear?” Susan said, “John and Betty don’t send their kids to private school.” “Don’t they care about their kids at all?” said Bob

Susan really enjoyed her occasional outings to the local mall They had some cute little stores and the personal shopper at Saks was a doll She would give Susan a heads-up about the latest fabulous stuff that had just arrived Sometimes she even tucked a couple

of items away so Susan could get first crack at them Susan couldn’t pass up the deals because some of it was on sale She felt that if she didn’t buy something, the personal shopper would stop calling She liked the attention, so she had to pick up some things here and there

Shopping was enjoyable — it made Susan feel special and boosted her self-esteem She always looked forward to seeing Jamie at the shoe store Jamie was a friendly girl who lived in the neighborhood Susan grew up in Susan would never live in that

neighborhood again She’s come so far, why go back? She’s moved up She justified the last couple of purchases of boots as a way to help Jamie move up also After all, Jamie made a commission from the sale of the boots, right? As Susan left the store she

wondered whom she could fix Jamie up with She deserved a real earner like the one Susan landed Jamie would make some man look really good with her cute, size two figure

Susan’s relationship with Bob was not as electric as it once was Maybe a new outfit would make him notice her as they went for a cruise in the new car You know what goes perfectly with a new outfit? A new haircut “That exclusive salon in town is so relaxing Everyone is so nice and the environment is so pleasant Anyway, who knows how clean those cheap places really are?” Besides, if she went to the cheap place she wouldn’t be able to visit with her favorite hairdresser George was a good listener and Susan could talk to him about almost anything Sometimes Susan laughed that George was cheaper and better than a therapist Susan knew she should probably not get the haircut because Bob had mentioned that she should cut back a bit on stuff she didn’t need, but this was a special occasion and it was for Bob She wanted to look her best for him because she didn’t want to lose him to another woman

Susan still remembered when she was the other woman, but it was clear that Bob did the right thing leaving his first wife That woman just didn’t know how to keep herself up

or how much fun Bob could be All she wanted to do was tell him “no” all the time when

he wanted to buy stuff She wouldn’t let him have any fun

Susan got home a bit late from the salon and the kids arrived shortly after she did Susan heard Bob pull into the driveway Who could miss the sound of the new, oh-so-sporty car? As soon as Bob hit the kitchen he said, “Let’s go out to eat tonight.” So they all piled into Susan’s leased SUV and off to their favorite restaurant they went They really enjoyed going to their favorite place Jimmy, the waiter, greeted them as they came

in and was such a nice guy Bob always enjoyed talking sports with him and Jimmy always gave the kids a special treat with dinner He knew how much they loved chocolate milk, so he’d always bring two tall, cold glasses with dinner He never forgot Bob’s double martini, either

As they pulled back into the driveway, the headlights passed across the front of the house like a beacon from a lighthouse In the quick sweep of light, Bob thought the bushes out front looked so much better than those that came in the standard landscaping package with the new house “The neighbors have got to be jealous,” he thought The

landscaping company was doing a good job Sure they were expensive, but so what?

As they came back into the house, Susan noticed that the housekeeper had been there today She hadn’t noticed when she got home earlier because she barely had time to drop her bags and meet the kids before they had run out What would she ever do without the housekeeper? Her life was so hectic that she certainly didn’t have time to deal with all of the housework The house was so big and her volunteer work took up so much of her time

Bob headed for the den to take care of some bills he vaguely remembered were piling

up on his desk It was time to pay them; they were only a little late Susan used to pay the bills years ago, but after a fight, Bob took over paying them

The switch in bill payers at home occurred one day after Bob’s credit card had been refused at lunch with a client Sure, it was a $200 lunch, but that was just something you had to do to entertain the big client, right? When he landed that deal he was going to get a huge commission Besides, he’d get reimbursed for it later so what was the fuss? It must have been Susan’s fault Bob felt he could do a better job of managing the bills

Once Bob yanked the bills from Susan, he called the credit card company and gave them a piece of his mind How dare they refuse his card? So what if he only had a $150 balance available on the card? “Raise the damn limit!” he yelled into the phone before he slammed it down Susan heard the conversation from the other room She was so angry at Bob about the whole thing that she vowed she would never take care of the bills again

“Let Bob do it from now on and see what I’ve been dealing with, juggling payments here and there Who needs that stress?” Susan never asked about the bills again Now it was Bob’s mess to deal with

As Bob headed for the den he passed his favorite chair “Let me see what the score is,”

he said to himself Before he knew it, the comfort of the leather chair and the sweet numbing feeling of the alcohol from dinner fooled him into closing his eyes for a

moment Two hours later he half awoke and stumbled to bed Tomorrow was a big day

He finally scored that appointment with the big new client, and since he was going to close the deal he needed his rest “The bills can wait until tomorrow,” he thought

The haircut looked fabulous, the car was shiny and new, the yard was neat, the new outfit was perfect, dinner was yummy, the house was clean, the relationship was lacking,

but wasn’t everyone’s? The kids were getting great grades, the pictures from the vacation just came back and the house is getting foreclosed on next week “How dare they

foreclose!” Bob said to himself “I should tell Susan about this Maybe tomorrow.” What Bob doesn’t know is that tomorrow Susan will learn about the foreclosure from

a friend who will read the notice in the local paper Susan will call Bob’s cell phone and demand to know what is going on Bob will assure her it’s all a mistake

Two years later, Bob and Susan will separate

#

“Sometimes personal finance is personal, not finance.”

#Here is another example

Jim and Linda had been married two years when they called me for advice about a monthly shortfall in their budget They were just a bit short of cash and wanted to know how to close the gap so they could pay their bills

Perception: Things are just a bit short each month All we need is a loan

Reality: About two years ago Jim and Linda, both in their late 40’s, met and fell in

love Jim convinced Linda to move from her home, which she owned, to a new house in a town about four hours away She loved the attention that Jim gave her

Shortly after they moved Linda felt very alone in the new area She didn’t know anybody but Jim had a bunch of friends at work Jim even had a photography business on the side He shot portraits, weddings and some social events Jim had borrowed about

$40,000 from his retirement plan (nearly everything) to start his own business and he had just finished buying all of the equipment He just was not a good sales person and hated the sales part of the business Jim could not understand why business hadn’t picked up for him

Linda was jealous of Jim’s photography business and told me, “I think he will take pictures of another woman and find her more desirable than me I’m afraid he will leave me.”

Linda had secretly been feeling isolated and, for the past couple of years, cured her feelings of boredom and jealousy with a little catalog and television shopping After all, it was harmless and helped her to feel excited when the new purchases arrived Sometimes

she forgot what she had purchased and when the package arrived on the front porch it was like a surprise gift

Jim and Linda had already borrowed against their house once to consolidate the credit card debt they had both run up Somehow the balances were right back where they had been before It didn’t take long, just a year or so Jim and Linda both felt they had learned their lesson this time and if they could just get a loan That would save them

Almost every line of credit Jim and Linda owned was maxed out There was no more credit available Linda still owned her house back in the old town She was renting it to someone without a lease “They’ll pay,” she said The house had about $100,000 in equity but there was no way she was selling it Jim had promised her she could keep it in case things didn’t work out between them In fact, things weren’t going well at all “I think our relationship is in trouble,” said Jim “I’m not sure we love each other any more.” Linda chimed in that she had felt the same way for a bit but ever since her breast implants she felt the sex had really improved and she wanted to stay, at least for the sex

“Have you met with a marriage counselor?” I asked

“We’ve been to a bunch,” said Jim “They don’t work, things aren’t going to change and I don’t think they do any good at all.”

“Have you thought about leaving each other?” I asked

“All the time,” they agreed

But Linda summed it up, “The fear of being alone is worse than the emptiness in the relationship Did I mention that the sex is great since I had my plastic surgery?”

It turns out that the plastic surgery had been paid for with yet another loan This was just another debt they had incurred in an effort to mask the emptiness of their

relationship While Linda made a bunch of little purchases over the past year, Jim had made a couple of really big ones Their respective debts were about the same amount The more they disclosed, the clearer it was that even without their debt they could not afford their lifestyle “We can hardly afford to do anything,” Linda said “All we do is pay bills,” Jim and Linda finally admitted that their monthly expenses were about $1,500 more than their income and over the last year or so they had been using even more credit cards for regular purchases After all, they had to in order to live the lifestyle they could not afford As they borrowed more money the credit card balances went up, the available

credit went down and the monthly payments could only be made with another cash advance from a credit card Which one this month? Eeney, meeney, miney, moe

Linda was so proud that she just purchased a cell phone and Jim didn’t know about the purchase yet It was a great deal Her calling plan allowed her to call back home on the weekends and talk to her family Lately, the phone bills had been about $500 a month She talked to her mom and old friends a lot “I hope I can keep my calls to just the

weekends,” she muttered

Jim and Linda’s life was empty in so many ways They often found themselves eating out as a distraction It gave them something to do other than talk with each other between bouts of post plastic surgery sex

“Why don’t you guys split up and Linda, you can move back to your old home?” I asked

“Oh I like it better here I love my new job, I’ll never move back.”

“OK, why don’t you sell the old house?” I asked

“It’s my safety net In case things don’t work out here I can move back there.”

Jim and Linda are too scared to love and too scared to leave They will be trapped in the middle of emptiness and the money problems The monthly shortfall will grow until they get the next desperation loan If they don’t do something, Linda will lose her house when they file bankruptcy

Bob and Susan, and Jim and Linda are fairly typical in many ways of the couples I work with These examples may seem extreme, but when you peel the onion and get down to the underlying reasons why money is a problem, you will often find issues that have nothing to do with the money itself It’s not about the debt or credit either It’s about the you inside

A lack of wholeness in themselves and in their relationships, as experienced by both couples, led them to chase more and more material possessions to create an illusion of success and make some of their pain go away But as you can see, the pursuit of material wealth is a waste of time At the end of their respective paths of acquisition, neither couple was happy They felt hollow inside They were depressed and unfulfilled While each respectively had many of the things they desired, they all lack one key ingredient — internal prosperity

As you start down your path to internal prosperity and external wealth, it is essential that you examine why money has been slipping through your fingers all of this time Imagine how much wealth has leaked through your hands in unconscious spending As you sit at home and look around, do you see lots of stuff you’ve bought over the years that was important to have at the time, only to rest in some box or corner, maybe never opened, essentially discarded?

I’ve got one of those things in my house A couple of years ago, my wife and I bought

a laminator We’ve never opened it up It still sits in the same box, brand new It was one

of those purchases I wish I could do over again I guess we really didn’t need it, since we’ve never used it I

would rather have had a quiet family dinner out at our favorite restaurant than a piece of metal and plastic in a corrugated box

On a more extreme level, maybe you can identify binges with alcohol or food that drained your pocket but left you empty Maybe you always find yourself attracted to needy individuals who bleed you dry and then leave Or you can identify times that you felt you had to impress others with your financial success

Gallons of ink have been spilled exploring the stimuli that prompt excessive and/or compulsive buying The individual reasons are complex and too numerous to mention here

However, at least consider that one of the reasons you may not have as much wealth as you desire right now is you have been too busy medicating yourself with money Look at money for a moment as an over-the-counter drug, a legal tool that we can use to make ourselves feel differently We can take a hit off the money pipe 24 hours a day and get our fix online, in person, over the telephone or through the mail

#While 10 percent of the population is generally considered to have compulsive buying issues, the number of people who use money to medicate themselves is probably

in the 25 percent range, according to our surveys at Myvesta

We conducted two national telephone surveys of 1,000 adults Here is what we found out in the first survey:

Forty percent of the people surveyed said their mood changes before or after

making a purchase

Sixteen percent said they spend money to escape problems or relieve stress

Nearly seven percent of respondents said they are preoccupied with buying things

to impress or influence others

Fifty-one percent of the people surveyed said they repeatedly try to control, cut back or stop excessive money use Of those, a slim majority, are women

Seventeen percent said they feel alone or empty inside and use money to purchase goods or services in an attempt to feel better or improve their self-esteem

Just under ten percent said they lie, minimize or rationalize to family members or others to conceal their spending

Seven percent of respondents reported having excessive debt as the result of the inability to stop spending money About the same number said they had lost out on opportunities such as a significant relationship, job promotion, or educational or career opportunities because of excessive spending

Nearly seven percent of those surveyed said they feel a need to spend money on or with others in order to maintain a relationship with those people

In the second survey, we found that when people were faced with two questions: one, if they knew someone who behaved in a certain way; and two, if they behaved that way As you can see, the closer to home the questions hit, the higher the denial factor

do not revolve around the typical mall crawl Families place kids in private school, buy

new homes and cars and take lavish vacations to create a false image of success and feelings of worth These are but a few examples of life spending which drains the bank and can be the result of underlying issues other than a simple, overwhelming desire for the item itself

The lack of satisfaction with your life or yourself is a big reason for having less wealth than you desire You might feel you can never have the wealth you want because you don’t deserve it, or you can’t hold onto the money long enough to accumulate it When you are constantly medicating yourself with money to create distraction or fleeting

emotional relief, you will find it very difficult to quit

As a drug addict may visit his favorite corner to get a fix, a money abuser will visit their favorite mall to inject When life isn’t satisfied with you or you with life, the mall can be a deliciously refreshing place to go It’s warm, well lit, has great stores with cool new stuff, friendly sales people who are there to fuss over you and it’s got food courts For some, there is a heaven and it’s called “The Mall.”

When my wife and I were first married we moved to Florida The mall was across the street from our apartment and we used to go there often since we didn’t know anybody in the area It was a pleasant distraction We both realized one day that we must be visiting the mall a little too often because the woman behind the sales counter, at a store we didn’t buy stuff at, greeted us by name as we came through the door “Hey, Pam and Steve, how you doing today?” As we packed to leave Florida, we were amazed by all the stuff we had purchased at the mall No wonder we were carrying a lot of debt What were we thinking? Oh that’s right, we weren’t We had been unconsciously masking our boredom with recreational shopping

Someday I’m going to have to do a formal study of malls I’ve noticed that malls in the outlying areas are more like community clubhouses; everyone appears to be very comfortable Kids use it as a place to congregate and parents as a place to go for

distraction Malls in more exclusive areas are sterile and quiet They are very reserved, and sometimes you can just smell “wannabe” in the air

Try this experiment yourself Go to the mall in an outlying area, sit on a bench and just observe Next, travel to the most exclusive mall you can get to and do the same thing You will notice a difference in the way people and sales staffs behave Ask yourself,

“Why?”

Sometimes I go to the mall just to observe people I study money behaviors You can learn a lot by watching people attack and defend the mall Do you realize that about 70 percent of the stuff people buy at the mall they never intended to buy? When shoppers are stopped as they leave the mall with bags in hand, they are asked what they purchased Many get it wrong even though they just walked out the door and have the stuff in their hands They shop so unconsciously that they cannot even identify all of the items they just spent their money on

You can actually see some shoppers go into a store looking tense and emerge looking relaxed from having just made the purchase Unless you know what to watch for, it can

be hard to spot the money abusers because they blend in so well and

are everywhere Do unconscious shoppers have a chance in a mall? Not likely

Everything, from what you see as you enter the mall, to the store windows, to the store environment is heavily studied and designed to get you to buy The same is true for most retail environments There are a gaggle of white-coated scientists in the back room who watch your every move and know what they need to do in print, radio, TV, online, at the grocery store or wherever to get you to buy

SHOPPING IS DESIGNED TO GIVE YOU PLEASURE BECAUSE THAT’S

WHAT YOU WANT

The most common cause of financial troubles I hear about is the credit cards “If it weren’t for the credit cards I wouldn’t be in this mess,” many people say If that were true, then you have to add in that if it weren’t for the people at the mall, the scientists watching you shop, the guy behind the counter at the food court or the kind woman who answered your call when you called the shopping channel on television, you’d be fine The list of people to blame about your situation is endless The entire consumptive

material food chain exists only to obtain a share of your available credit power and

your cash The credit card is only the tool that lets you feed the money monkey on your back

If you want to build your external wealth today you need to develop good judgment to determine why you are buying whatever it is that you are buying, big or small If it helps,

ask yourself this question: If Steve was here right now, what would he say about my purchase? Is it something I really need or am I making excuses for buying it?

When your money takes control of your life, your wants become needs and your needs become wants I’ve seen people evicted because they fail to pay their rent or mortgage, but their credit cards are all paid up There is an almost endless supply of money to fuel your desire It doesn’t stop flowing until you abuse it sufficiently The better your job, neighborhood, occupation or standing in the community, the more it will flow Just because somebody will lend money to you does not mean you can afford it It just means they are willing to take a risk and lend money to you

Spending money you can’t afford to spend only compromises your future It doesn’t hurt anyone except those you are charged with caring and protecting, including yourself

If you fail to handle money responsibly and lose everything, you are just financial road kill In the food chain of capital consumption you are the by-product of a good meal

SPANK YOUR INNER CHILD

Society in general has little compassion for those who can’t pay their bills There is no compassion for middle-class Americans who can only tread water their entire financial lives, never getting out of debt and never getting ahead Eat, sleep and consume Have you ever wondered why people are generally referred to as consumers? That is your default job You must consume so people can make more for you to consume

If you retire poor, society looks at you as a burden This may all sound harsh, because

it is The person who should give a damn about your financial success is you You have the power within to change your future You have the power to put down the money crack pipe and stop feeding your cravings

I talked with Julie recently who told me she wanted to kick her money habit but did not want to spend a dime on her recovery When pressed, Julie said she had spent almost

$100,000 using credit to fuel her consumptive habit and now she wants a free solution? Silly Some complex issues require an investment of time and money to find a solution that works for you Imagine needing a filling in a tooth and finding a self-help book to show you how to do it Would you whip out your new cordless drill, shank up a brilliant titanium bit and drill away? I hope not However, I do know of a couple that yanked the

braces off their kids’ teeth with a pair of needle nose pliers rather than take them to the orthodontist because they did not want to pay for proper care

You will only handle your finances better when you discuss the underlying issues that cause your money to get out of control with someone who understands these issues Unfortunately, there are very few people who truly understand the depth of these

financial issues You really have to search hard to find someone who can help It’s not a subject that most therapists, accountants, bankers, lawyers or credit counselors truly understand

The good news is that there is hope and there is help If you find that in reading this book you uncover some emotional issues, seek help for those issues It can be just that simple A financial retreat, classes that prompt you to think about your issues with money

or therapy can be a blessing for many to explore the “you” within and that can be very meaningful Rather than stumbling around, seek help to find your path

Maybe you feel bad about the way you use money in your life Frankly, you are beating yourself up for nothing First, that was in the past and right now you can begin your new life Second, a lot of your money behavior still is beyond your control and you are unaware of it You have to learn who you are first

Our psychosocial framework influences some of the way we handle money, credit and debt; who we are; our environment and social world Those things that subconsciously influence us — our personalities, behavior, the chemicals in our brains and even the neural pathways, which are hardwired in our brains, also regulate it Now I’m not saying that you are a victim, I’m saying that there are many things that control you that you may not be aware of The trick is becoming aware of these things and working to minimize their impact on your behavior in the future

Life is full of hidden and secret signals that cause us to use money to medicate

ourselves

While you may not be able to completely identify those signals at first, you will begin to recognize them when you find yourself handing over your credit card or money to

purchase something you really don’t even care about

I once had a client who shopped at all the best stores She bought wonderful items and often on sale She shopped to feel differently For her it was a cycle of self-abuse She

would shop to feel better because she overate, she would cut or burn herself because she felt bad afterwards about the shopping and she would binge eat because she hurt herself While every case is not as extreme as this, it does show where she was medicating herself with money as a way of distracting herself from the real issues

One of her goals was to become wealthy Do you think she will ever be able to unless she can develop internal prosperity?

As a side note, her car was often filled with bags from the best stores at the most exclusive mall The bags were full of things she would never wear or use She was afraid

to return them for fear of what the salespeople would think about her What irrational money beliefs do you have?

Then there are the cases of women who can’t stop buying things for their young children These tots are always dressed in the most fashionable designer clothes and they have so many toys that they spill into almost every room in the house One woman’s shopping habit has created a terrible strain on her relationship with her husband The financial impact has been significant He simply wants her to stop and doesn’t want to deal with much else The more I learned about her life and spending, the more it became clear that her relationship with her husband was not very emotionally rewarding and quite difficult One day she finally came out and said, “I guess I buy stuff for the kids all the time because they appreciate it and give me hugs Since I don’t feel love in other parts of

my life, buying the stuff for them and getting the hugs makes me feel good.”

Do you think she is going to stop spending too much money without addressing the underlying issues that prompt her to do it?

How about the guy who was a CFO of a corporation going public and could not stop day trading? His brain craved the rush he’d get from the big score The big purchase that would make him $10,000 in one day Unfortunately, that was the exception rather than the rule and he would go on to lose many times more, chasing his dream of the next big score While he was a logical and intelligent gentleman, he could not see that his

financial path was very unlikely to be successful He was essentially gambling using the stock market, but could not see it since it was stocks, not poker chips He could care less about what he was buying and selling, he only cared about the rush he felt when he made the big score He craved the rush It was a drug for him

Then there are the many clients who gamble on their own home-based businesses Rather than address the issues within themselves, they attempt to flee their jobs to take refuge in the illusion that if they were their own bosses, they’d be able to make so much more money and be fabulously happy

Bill started his own business and invested about $100,000 in it Most of the money was taken as cash advances from credit cards, but some was essentially stolen from his stepkids’ college funds, borrowed without permission His wife, while upset that he had done this, encouraged his new business because she thought it would finally make him happy

Bill’s business was an out-of-the-box failure It was not well planned; he had no experience in running a business; it was a true non-starter Bill had invested in Internet marketing He hoped to score big on the Web by selling products and services He

actually didn’t understand how the Internet functioned or how to make a sale In fact, Bill hated selling The reality was that Bill didn’t really want to start his own business What

he really wanted to do was to be distracted from his current life I think the saddest part

of Bill’s story is that he ended up refusing to continue his work with me because he insisted on keeping three credit card accounts open and available to him, saying he needed them for his next business idea His wife supported him on this and angrily said,

“What is he going to do if he can’t play with his businesses on the side?”

One of my favorite “it’s not about the money” stories is about a client who had been told to file bankruptcy She had gone to credit counseling and had been turned away, as are many people "Bankruptcy is your only answer," they said

If you are looking for the underlying reason why people get into debt and have trouble with money, you see things others miss What everyone had missed was the fact that her money problems were not about having too much debt, they were about having too little income I asked her why she had not sought higher-paying jobs over the years and had worked, underpaid, at the same job for the past 20 years She finally confided that she was embarrassed about the size of her feet and afraid of interviewing

Now, it’s not that her feet were huge, she was just self-conscious about them Once she overcame that issue, she had a new job in a couple of weeks and made plenty of money to meet her financial obligations Bankruptcy was unnecessary

Here are some questions and guidelines to help you identify unresolved money issues

HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS?

Ask yourself the following questions and see if you answer yes to any of them If you do, you’ve got some underlying issues

1 Do you have repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back or stop excessive money use?

2 Do you feel alone or empty inside and use money to purchase goods or services in an attempt to feel better or improve self-esteem?

3 Does your mood change just before or after spending money?

4 Do you spend money as a way of escaping problems or of relieving stress?

5 Are you preoccupied with buying things in an effort to impress or influence others?

6 Do you feel a need to spend money on or with others in order to maintain a relationship with those people?

7 Do you lie, minimize or rationalize to family members or others to conceal spending?

8 Have you lost out on opportunities such as a significant relationship, job, promotion,

or educational or career opportunity because of money consumption?

9 Do you have excessive debt as the result of the inability to stop spending money?

If you answered yes, don’t worry, you are not alone And you can begin to fix the problem Read on

* * * * *

CHAPTER THREE

Take a Lap on the Gerbil Wheel of Debt

Think of debt as that annoying squeak in the back seat that you hear as you drive alone

in the car The squeak distracts you from the beauty of the scenery, and before you know

it, you are only worried about the squeak I knew a guy that bought his dream car, a brand

new Volvo, and was enjoying showing it off to everyone About a week after he bought

it, it was totaled He was driving with the windows down, just enjoying the day, and a bee flew in the window He was so focused on getting rid of the bee that he ran off the road and hit a bridge support post He just lost focus on what was most important The good news is that he survived without major injuries and the bee vanished The bad news is that his insurance did not cover the entire new loan on his car and he was unable to buy another dream car

#

“Being in debt is a state of mind, not an account balance.”

#When you are in debt, you are mortgaging your future What you are doing is

promising to generate money in the future to pay off what you have in your hands today Too much debt means your future is locked down It robs you of options and flexibility It means that you become a slave to your creditors and have to work at some job, even if you hate it, to make enough money to pay off what you owe If you wake up in the

morning and you are thinking about how much you hate going to work, you’re clutched

in the mouth of the monster of debt You’ve got saliva dripping off your feet, and in a minute or two you are going down the gullet, never to be heard from again

It doesn’t have to be that way You can break free It is possible for you to wake up almost every morning and look forward to the day with childish glee and anticipation I’d say I feel that way most of the time because I love what I do and I’m thankful for any day I’m not dead As far as I’m concerned, that’s a good day

So what happens when you get deep in debt is you sacrifice your future That’s all, nothing much Now, not all debt is bad If you love what you do and you make enough money to pay your bills and have a bunch of money leftover, it’s not such a drag on your life However, if you are generally unhappy with yourself, your life, your reality, then debt can just be a new pair of cement slippers

People are frequently worried about debt — whether they have too much or what is the “right” amount They worry if they have financial problems, they hear about “good debt” and “bad debt” and don’t know the difference I’ve developed this simple way to determine if money is a problem in your life…it’s just not that complicated Here is a

quick test to see if you are having financial problems.

“STEVEISM:” IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A FINANCIAL PROBLEM, YOU

Sounds like a new character in the next Stephen King thriller, doesn’t it?

For some twisted reason, many kids keep gerbils as pets They are much cuter than they sound and they kind of remind me of the Tribbles on that old Star Trek episode

I had some gerbils as pets when I was but a young lad They lived in an old aquarium, the one that leaked so it wasn’t any good for fish

It was an accident that my gerbils were of opposite sex Boy, did those things breed I guess when you are caged up in an old 10-gallon aquarium all day long there isn’t much

to do but chew everything you can and breed They did both very well Siskel and Ebert would have given them two thumbs up

I got tired of them procreating all the time, so a friend suggested putting a gerbil wheel

in the cage to keep them busy It wasn’t enough of a distraction to keep them from

breeding all the time but they now had something new to annoy the heck out of me

A gerbil wheel is a cheap metal wheel that is mounted in a cheap metal frame and when they get on it and run, it just rotates around and around and around They go

nowhere fast I’m not sure what the purpose is Exercise? Distraction? To keep me up at night? Who knew gerbils are nocturnal? They wake up from napping all day and jump into the wheel just as you doze off to sleep The wheel always seems to have a squeak and, of course they knock it over or it bangs against the glass all night Squeak, bang, squeak, bang, squeak, bang

I always wondered two things First, would I get in trouble if I heaved the whole damn aquarium out the window, and two, don’t Fred and Ethel realize that the wheel just spins constantly but goes nowhere? I have to give them bonus points for dedication and

creativity Sometimes they would get that wheel banging and spinning so fast I thought either the side was going to bust out of the tank or they were going to make electricity Every once in a while they’d have a spat and both get on the wheel and try to run in opposite directions That was interesting

I tried to take the wheel out of the cage one night to stop the madness I think one of them sunk their teeth deep into my flesh and took a huge chunk out of my hand as I reached for the wheel Blood poured down my hand, ran down my arm and dripped off

my elbow as I held my arm up and ran back to bed At least that’s how I saw it as an year-old They probably just brushed against my hand Anyway, sticking my hand in the cage in the middle of the night freaked me out, so I tried to keep late-night commando raids into the tank at a minimum

11-The whole point about the gerbil wheel is that they found nothing wrong with running

in place and going nowhere They listened to the same glass banging and squeaking that I did; I know this because they have keen hearing I’m sure they got very used to it That was just their universe They obviously enjoyed all of the running in place and going nowhere

Credit and debt are a lot like a gerbil wheel for many people No matter how much you make, you just keep making payments every month We decide, or are trained early

in life to expect that, as adults, we earn money and make payments “What do you mean you don’t make payments each month? What the heck is wrong with you?”

A couple of times in life we wake up in a panic and realize we don’t have enough money For most people those times are when we get married, the day before our child leaves for college and a week after we retire But for the most part we are happy and content to keep earning and spending, earning and spending, earning and spending

#

“Some people use one half of their ingenuity getting into debt, and the other half

avoiding paying.” – George Prentice

#

Life becomes this comfortable hum of making money and never having enough Can’t you picture a human-sized gerbil wheel with a huge sign stuck in the ground right in front

of the wheel that says, “If you can touch this you will make good money.” Many people would run on that wheel all day long chasing the dream, stopping to earn a little money, spend some and then sleep You know I’ve never quite figured out what “good money”

is, but everybody seems to use the term “I’ll be happy as soon as John lands this job We’ll be making good money then.” As far as I’m concerned, all the money I make is good

STEP AWAY FROM THE WHEEL

Our consumer society is set up like a huge gerbil wheel We are trained by our parents and environment to be good consumers when we grow up Can we really be surprised that we do it so well or to excess? If you buy into that whole belief that you are what you own and that more is going to be enough, you will run and run and run your entire life and you will wind up in the same spot, just older, tired and still unhappy

Here is my sage advice, “Step away from the wheel.” Can’t you picture the prosperity police pulling you over in a felony stop as you race down the road running in your gerbil wheel “Mr Rhode, put your hands in the air and step away from the wheel.” They’d force you to come to your senses, taking you away in handcuffs made of recycled credit cards Platinum cuffs, please

The perpetual cycle of debt will not make you a better person The race for wealth will not make you happier There are people who have 10 million dollars in the bank who don’t feel like they have enough Enough will never be enough Enough, already, of this enough stuff Enough!

You are not what you make, you are not what you spend, you are not what you buy, you are not what you give, you are not your reflection and you are not the size of your pants You are you and that can be pretty terrific if you let it

#

“You hate your creditors because they make you live up to your end of the bargain.”

#Your creditors are not trying to keep you enslaved on the gerbil wheel of debt You do

that all yourself You constantly seek out more stuff “If I only had that new outfit or golf bag, I’d be happy.” Yeh, right! Don’t you see it’s not the thing that you desire that will make you happier; purchasing the thing is just an escape from the way you feel inside Money isn’t your problem You are your problem But like most problems, if you apply a willingness to change the situation, good guidance and a plan, you can have a good chance at changing things up You might try and fail If you do, stop complaining and try again

TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD DO AFTER YOU FAIL:

1 Take a break Play a video game, read, listen to calming music, watch TV, go for a walk alone or do anything else you can, alone Take a few minutes or hours to let the frustration die down a bit You’ve probably been working hard or you’ve been distracted, and that could have contributed to your failure The reason you need some quiet time rather than going to “twofer” night at the bar with your friends, is that you need to let all of those thoughts about the experience filter out of the crevices in your brain You don’t need a distraction to mask what you just went through Let it silently percolate

2 Jot down or think about the factors that you think contributed to your failure

3 Jot down or think about what you could have done to avoid those factors in the future

4 Admit defeat Stop pretending that you didn’t fail You failed Too bad, so sad Move

on I’ve had too many clients over the years that insist on reliving their past mistakes over and over again Let them go The key is that they were mistakes and they were in the past

5 Decide if you want to try and pursue that goal again Was it worth it, or is the luster gone? Sometimes the moment has passed and it’s time to move on “Next.”

6 Regroup If you are going to try to achieve the same goal again, think about what additional resources or people you are going to need to help you Identify what those resources are and gather them together Before you move forward, consider what the new cost will be with the required time and materials Is the goal worth the true cost of what it will take to achieve the end result?

7 Failure is only success masked in defeat Some part of what you attempted was good

Figure out what that was and do that part again No sense reinventing the wheel

8 Admit that what you attempted was a failure, not you You are not an idiot or stupid for failing You are courageous for trying

9 Remember that sometimes no matter how good the effort, the passion and desire, life just doesn’t play ball Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose for no good reason As the song goes, sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug Life is what it

#

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough.”

#

I’VE SEEN CREDITORS, AND THEY IS US

Creditors are, well, us People who work for lenders as debt collectors are in the exact same boat you are in, they just have a different job I remember one client who said she had been getting the same call from the same collector for months The collector hadn’t been very nice in the past and when she called again, she dreaded the call Finally, the client admitted to the collector that she was working with Myvesta and the collector stopped, paused and said, “I am too Aren’t they great?” The whole relationship changed from that day forward

#

Creditors have better memories than debtors.” –Ben Franklin

#The only reason creditors keep providing us with the credit we so desperately want

is that we crave it Somehow we have to figure out a way to get off the gerbil wheel of debt Until then, I think the person next door has a nicer wheel than yours What are you going to do about it?

* * * * *

CHAPTER FOUR

Why Money Doesn’t Make You Happy

If you’ve nodded your head a few times reading the first three chapters of this book, get ready: I’m going to introduce you to a program which, if you stick to it, will help you

to be happy and have money

First, consider that part of what has been blocking your path to happiness and wealth

is a pretty powerful set of perceptions that, if you don’t shake them, will bog you down and make you unhappy In America, a major underlying perception appears to be that people with a lot of money are happy and fulfilled The perception of money is “if only.”

If only I had more money, my life would be more fun If only I had more money, I would

be happier If only we had more money, our relationship would be better

Education is not necessarily the ticket out of the swamp created by the perceptions I just described Have you ever been taught at home or at school how to manage money?

So many people hang their hat on financial education as a treatment for consumer credit and debt problems People also believe that if only they had learned about finances in school they wouldn’t be in a jam today They believe they are victims of the educational system, victims of their creditors and victims of life In fact, even if they had been taught, they probably would not be better off financially because what most people are taught is how to be a money technician, not a money steward

Many people believe that simply because they are aware of where their money goes, that they really understand the impact money has on their life, both good and bad This is incorrect

A money technician is someone who does a great job of balancing the checkbook They giggle the day they open the mailbox to find last month’s bank statement has

arrived They bound back to the front door and then leap down the stairs to the family room where the computer is located The electronic brain is powered up with that

comfortable hum, and the latest money program is double-clicked on the desktop to launch Family Money Central A quick insertion of fresh data into the money tracking software for the family’s money supply and, ta-da, everything is in balance and life is good Ahh

People who earn money are not necessarily good money stewards, and they certainly are not necessarily in touch with the motivations behind how they spend their money They just know exactly what the account balances are Over the years I’ve had many clients who were super-organized, good technicians with all of their data, color-coded in binders Many still experienced money troubles and general financial dysfunction Some were even true money addicts, addicted to the pursuit of things they believed money would bring them

Good money stewards are hard to find They work their money so it yields the most benefit for them They are conservative with it, and then, sometimes they aren’t They meet their current obligations, they set aside a little in liquid cash, put some in longer-term investments, and have fun with the rest Their life is not always in balance but it’s like a plate spinning slowly on the tip of a stick, it wobbles a bit back and forth but it never falls off

Good money stewards have laid the foundation for enjoying life and their money at the same time You are going to learn those skills in this book

For the vast majority of people, perceptions rather than reality drive their actions I mean, does anybody really know what time it is? It is only the time it is right now

because we say it is this time We really don’t know what reality is because reality is only our perception of what we believe to be real

If you throw 10 people on the same street corner and play out some event in front of them, you will hear 10 different versions of the same event It’s not that any of them are wrong about what they report What they tell you is the truth as far as they are aware But

is it the absolute truth? Probably not

PERCEPTION BECOMES REALITY AND REALITY BECOMES TRUTH

For most people, money alone does not achieve any of the goals we desire besides having the money Wealth is nothing more than the

accumulation of material possessions or things we mutually agree are valuable They only have value because we perceive them to be valuable Take a diamond for example; it’s a rock, for crying out loud It’s only valuable because we perceive it to be valuable and others have told us it is valuable In some parts of the world, you can find them lying right on the ground There is even a state park in Arkansas where you can go and find diamonds lying right on the ground

While the secret to happiness is always assumed to be wealth, wealth is just an

external condition The key to happiness is developing your character to the point where you achieve internal prosperity — and internal prosperity is free You don’t need a bunch

of money to have it right now, and you have no excuse for not getting up and getting it Once you begin your trip down the path of achieving internal prosperity, you will find that the money you make will slowly switch from not being enough, to more than you really need It’s a magic transformation and it will change your life forever, or at least until you get out of balance and fall down The good news is that you can get up again

If you are wealthy without internal prosperity, what you have done is accumulated a lot of stuff that you now have to watch out for, worry about, insure, take care of and manage A lot of stuff can bring us only fleeting joy and quickly becomes a burden Think about it: the more you accumulate, the harder you have to work to maintain it There is a point where you don’t own your stuff, it owns you

#

“Hearses don’t have luggage racks.”

#Examine for a moment these common items that give others the perception of wealth:

HOMES

Perception: They must be doing really well because they just bought a big home in

that exclusive neighborhood

Reality: Just because a lender was willing to risk giving them a huge mortgage does

not mean they have a lot of money and it certainly does not mean they are happy I’ve got some ex-neighbors to prove that They seemed to have so many issues On nightly walks, they’d always look down and never make eye contact as they passed folks on the

sidewalk They never mowed their lawn, hid in their house, were mean and grumpy almost all the time and I don’t think I ever saw friends over If they had friends, I think they were the lawyers they were paying to sue everybody else

Anyway, the reality of big homes is that what you perceive as success is really just a lot of debt The new fancy home will get old, need constant upkeep to keep it looking respectable and soon will be in the “old” neighborhood What begins as a “look where we live” will soon become a hole in the ground into which you pour money Nice homes require landscaping, cleaning and maintenance The bigger the house, the more of your income is going to be required to be able to properly maintain it

CARS

Perception: Did you see their new car? They just bought a car that will always be

valet-parked right in front of the restaurant so the restaurant can look good! It’s very expensive They must be doing well

Reality: First, they may not have purchased it at all They may have just rented

(leased) it Even if they did buy it, it’s probably owned by the bank and has a big loan on

it You know, they make new models every year and what was hot and sporty this year is next year’s used car, so it will have to be replaced with the latest model In a year or so they will have to sell, trade in or lease up to maintain the image That move will cost them a lot of money, and deeper into debt they go

INTERNAL PROSPERITY IS NOT AN ACCIDENT WEALTH CAN BE

I recognize that there are plenty of happy rich folks, but what makes them fulfilled is that they are both internally prosperous and externally wealthy But the majority of people try to start the trip to fulfillment with only half a tank

I grew up in a fairly wealthy area Early on, I observed that basically there are three types of people who live there There are those who have little external wealth, these are

usually the folks who lived in the area before it became trendy

There are those who flaunt what they want you to think they have These are the folks who look and smell good, but once you get past the front door you see the truth The homes often have fabulous window treatments or “curtains of wealth,” but they only have enough furniture for a couple of poorly decorated rooms Sometimes, they even sleep on lawn chairs I was in one house that has almost all marble floors on the first floor, and the only stuff around is a television sitting on the floor in the living room, a glass table in the dining room and a couple of stools at the counter in the kitchen I had to almost talk in a whisper because the echo was so bad I’m serious

These are the same people who drive their incredibly expensive cars to the

supermarket, take your parking spot and cut you off in the food aisles with their cart as they block the frozen food aisle and hiss to themselves, “That’s my frozen quiche.” One day at the market, I was standing next to a middle-aged woman dripping in furs and gold as she opened all the different types of mayonnaise She would dip her little finger in, taste it and then put the top back on it and plop it back onto the shelf She used the same finger for each new jar she cracked open When she found the one she wanted, she put it in her cart and went on her way What makes her think that is acceptable? With all her money, she couldn’t buy class

Another time, a guy walked up next to me and was tearing plastic bags off in the produce aisle and throwing them on the fruit displays and on the floor I watched him for

a minute I didn’t have much choice because, I mean, I was standing right there next to him and could not reach what I wanted because he kept lunging across in front of me to tear off the next bag

I finally figured out what he was doing OK, sometimes those bags are a bit tricky to get open, but you’ve got to at least make an effort He wasn’t even trying to open them I guess he felt entitled to have the bag magically open for him I said to him as he walked away, “Excuse me, you are not seriously leaving your trash all over are you?” He gave

me an angry stare and then in a huff, picked up the bags and threw them in his cart As he began to walk away again I said, “Excuse me.” He turned back, maybe hoping I would thank him “You forgot one.” He did not pick it up I’m almost positive that he left all the plastic bags in his cart and as he jumped into his Jaguar, pushed the cart into someone