Map out a course of action by completing the balance paradox table (Table 5.2):
• What will further each polarity?
• How will I know I am doing too much of one polarity?
• Who will tell me when my behaviors are out of balance?
What I want
What I don’t want Positive aspects of this polarity
L+
Negative aspects of this polarity
One polarity Other polarity
Positive aspects of this polarity
Negative aspects of this polarity L–
R+
R–
FIGURE 5.2
Generic Polarity Map framework.
TABLE 5.2
Balance Paradox Table
Polarity 1 Polarity 2
What will I do for positive results: what, who, when?
How will I know I am doing too much of that polarity?
Who else will know? What will they do when they see it?
Example Polarity Map Exercise: Balancing the Inclination to Control THE BACKGROUND AND DRAMATIC CONFLICT
John has been president of a large multihospital regional healthcare system for the past 15 years. Within the first 5 years of his tenure, John moved the organization from a position of losing money to one of financial success. He knew what had to be done and personally oversaw the transformation.
But, in the last 5 years, competition for patients is increasing and physi- cians are being asked to work in different ways. Both factors create organiza- tional strains. John’s style, which worked beautifully when the organization required major cost-cutting measures and strong management, is no longer effective. The management style that brought success has alienated the very people he needs to accomplish today’s goals. Uncharacteristically, John became a hands-off leader. He tried allowing others to do what they felt was right. This approach didn’t work when his direct reports failed to work effec- tively with one another or in the way he expected. He is tempted to redeploy his controlling style of leadership. John knows no other way to reach his objectives. Throughout his career he has responded to similar situations using the same tactics. He feels stuck.
THE RESOLUTION
John shared his dilemma with the executive vice president of Human Resources, who offered the Polarity Map to help him see new possibilities.
Together they completed these steps:
Step 1. Is this a paradox or a problem?
• Is this an issue of long standing? YES
• Were a number of solutions implemented, yet the problem remains? YES
• Are there at least two viable polarities/alternate perspectives? YES
• Is this important? YES
John was facing a paradox that he needed to balance.
Step 2. What are the polarities that must be balanced?
Together, John and the Human Resources vice president engaged in a dialogue and completed the map in Figure 5.3:
• Name the two polarities.
• Determine what we want and what we don’t want.
• List the positive and negative aspects of each polarity.
Step 3. What do I have to do actively to manage and balance the control versus empower paradox?
Map out your course of action by completing the balance paradox table:
• What will I do to maximize each polarity?
• How will I know I am doing too much of one polarity?
• Who will tell me when my behaviors are out of balance?
John’s balance paradox table is shown in Table 5.3.
THE LEARNING
The benefits of completing the polarity map exercise are:
• John now has devised viable alternative behaviors that will allow him to share his expectations AND build engagement with his team.
• Others can become involved in helping him make this critical transformation.
• The organization has new opportunities for expanding leadership capabilities and addressing the complex issues it faces.
• There are opportunities for delivering honest feedback and finding creative resolutions to the challenges ahead.
Example: Immunity to Change—Too Much of a Good Thing THE BACKGROUND
Marie was an account executive for an international software company that was acquired by a large organization. Sales regions and reporting relation- ships were realigned. For the first time in her career, Marie’s job perfor- mance failed to meet the expectations of Tim, her new manager. As a result, she experienced great personal consternation and anxiety. She knew she had done her best work and, at the same time, her job security became an issue. At first she felt disappointed with herself; later, she blamed Tim and
What I want
What I don’t want L+
Negative aspects of control
• Solutions may be incompletely thought through
• May alienate or discount others
• The lack of followership may make it more difficult to implement
• May not be right course of action
Negative aspects of empower
• Too slow
• Consensus not practical/everyone may feel the right to an opinion
• Lack of accountability
• Not do the hard stuff Negative aspects of control
• Focused
• Efficient
• High level of accountability
• Sense of being in charge
Positive aspects of empower
• Engage others
• Broader input
• Easier to implement
• Generation of more alternatives
Control
Inaction, not get results, be viewed by others as incompetent, failure to achieve new business model Viewed as competent, get things accomplished, the right course of action, business results, sustainable organization
Empower L–
R+
R–
FIGURE 5.3 John’s Polarity Map.
the new culture for lacking sensitivity. Though she worked long hours, Tim remained dissatisfied with her performance.
THE DRAMATIC CONFLICT
Marie sacrificed much of her personal life to meet the demands of her job, which was important to her. She spent an inordinate amount of time making sure that her customers’ expectations were fulfilled. When technical issues arose, customers knew she would be available at all hours to help them. They were confident that Marie would find the resources to resolve their issues.
However, Marie’s actions often violated the company customer service protocol and angered the affected technicians. As a consequence, some of the customer service personnel purposely avoided her customers’ com- plaints. But this issue was not what most concerned Marie’s boss. He real- ized that she spent too much time addressing customer issues and failed to solicit new business opportunities.
Underneath the surface issue was a personal one. Because Marie was self- conscious about her weight and appearance, she often ingratiated herself to others by being “overly” helpful. She believed the only way customers would continue to buy from her was if she could demonstrate extraordinary value.
In addition, Marie dreaded the sales prospecting role. She feared that people who did not know her would judge her by her weight and her less than TABLE 5.3
John’s Balance Paradox Table
Polarity 1: Control Polarity 2: Empower
What Will I Do for Positive Results: What, Who, When
• Present people with the hard realities
• Determine the major things that have to happen
• Determine how results will be measured
• Be available to work through issues when people ask for help or when they are struggling
• Allow others to determine how things will be achieved
• Create forum to solicit input for new strategic vision, values, and objectives
• Ask others how they expect to be held accountable
• Ask others to display more leadership How Will I Know I am Doing Too Much of That Polarity?
• Few people volunteer for new projects
• Few people seek my advice
• It’s always my ideas
• I take all the credit for success
• Many teams, no progress
• Not meeting our strategic objectives
• No one taking responsibility for lack of progress
Who Will Know? What Will They Do When They See It?
The executive VP of HR will provide direct feedback to John on a regular basis citing specific examples of controlling behavior
The chief medical officer, who is trusted by the leadership team, will provide them with the feedback that they are not performing adequately and meeting the expected challenges
glamorous appearance. She therefore avoided the most important aspect of her job. Her former manager had valued her ability to maintain relation- ships with clients. He was willing to accommodate her reluctance to reach out to new customers by conducting most of the prospecting work himself.
Once the new prospect expressed an interest in purchasing the product, her manager asked Marie to help close the deal. Marie got the credit for the sale, and the transition seamlessly took place.
Tim, however, expected Marie to focus on developing new business. The customer service department would handle the technical details. Marie told her friends that she didn’t feel she could relate to her new boss, that he was so focused on sales he didn’t really care about existing clients. She was certain she would have to find employment elsewhere. Privately, she believed that her “weight problem” would prevent her from finding a suitable job with another company. She was terrified.
Tim really did value Marie’s knowledge of the market, her ability to relate to clients, and her passion for the business. He wanted her to succeed. At first he tried to coax her to focus more of her time on business development.
He made sales calls with her and learned that she related well to clients. He also learned that she well understood the sales process.
In time, Tim realized that Marie’s reluctance to make sales calls on her own must result from a lack of self-confidence. Yet Tim, too, was in a double bind. He was expected to grow revenues. Since every one of his direct reports needed to function at higher levels, he could not support Marie by making sales calls on new customers. She would have to own the entire sales process.
Unfortunately, all previous attempts to help her improve performance had been unsuccessful. Tim needed a new approach.
THE RESOLUTION
Tim told Marie that he considered her a valuable member of the team AND that she needed to achieve higher revenue targets. He noted her strengths…
and then laid out his concerns. He committed to help if she would commit to address the issue more effectively. Marie appreciated Tim’s sincerity and, for the first time in their working relationship, felt mutual trust. She now could open up to him. Tim stated that he did not think she was facing a “sales”
problem. She had the requisite technical and sales knowledge. Rather, he suggested personal coaching to help Marie better understand the under- lying issues and build the self-confidence she needed. Marie agreed.
Marie was now in a better position to make a substantive change:
1. She experienced a significant work issue.
2. The issue was critical.
3. She realized the limits of her existing skill set and coping mecha- nisms and knew she needed to learn more.
4. She would have the support from her boss and from a personal coach to help her address the situation.
THE COACHING SESSIONS
After a thorough interview, Marie’s personal coach understood that Marie’s work issues had little to do with her working the full sales process from beginning to end. Her symptoms were clear: Marie avoided prospecting new customers because she was uncomfortable meeting people with whom she did not have a prior relationship. The coach had to help Marie discover why, despite years of success and acceptance by customers, her underlying fear of meeting people persisted. At the core, Marie was struggling with a personal paradox. Now they could work together to address it.
The coach chose to use the “Immunity to Change” process developed by Dr. Robert Kegan. He asked Marie a series of questions and entered her responses as shown in Table 5.4:
1. Marie, what is it that you really want to achieve? What is important to you? What kinds of things would make you feel better about coming to work? The coach listed the responses in the first column.
The coach asked Marie to choose the one commitment that was of greatest importance to her. Given her concern with job security, she determined that “being a great sales person and achieving Tim’s expectations was the most important item on the list.”
2. What behaviors are you doing and/or not doing that keep you from getting what you want and feel that you are committed to?
This question confused Marie. She spent extra hours at work. She wanted to find job success. The coach said this question was not TABLE 5.4
Marie’s Immunity to Change Table 1. Visible
Commitment (What I Want)
2. Counter Behaviors (What I Do/Don’t Do That Keeps Me From Achieving What I Want)
3. Other, Hidden or Competing Commitments (I am Also Committed to…)
Assumption Big (I Assume…) To have happy
clients Be a great
salesperson and meet Tim’s expectations
• I spend time taking care of existing clients rather than looking for new ones
• Find excuses for not going to trade shows, association meetings, etc.
or one-on-one situations with strangers
• Being overweight
• Not looking my best • I am not able to be liked by others
Be viewed by my peers as capable
a judgment about her stated intent. Rather, she wanted to know what Marie was doing that was inconsistent with her goal. The answer then was clear: She was not going out to meet new poten- tial clients. She was not going to association meetings. She was avoiding people she did not already know.
3. What other commitments do you hold?
For Marie this was not a difficult question. She knew she had commit- ted to overeating, not exercising, and not taking good physical care of herself. She said she wanted to lose weight, but her actions led to keeping on the extra pounds.
4. Marie, what are your assumptions here? Why do you feel compelled to overeat and not look your best?
This question had plagued Marie since high school. She tried out for the tennis team and was unsuccessful. She was not accepted by the
“in-crowd” in high school. She sensed there was something about her, though she did not know what it was, that kept people from really liking her. She assumed that if she were not overweight, she could no longer use this as a reason why people didn’t like her. She feared that there was a more fundamental reason why people might not like her…and that possibility frightened her. She believed that being overweight kept her from having to look more deeply into herself.
After completing the columns in the table, the coach first read the table forward: Marie wanted to be successful on the job, but did not prospect for new business. She knew she was overweight and felt somewhat ashamed of her body and feared that she could not be liked. Then the coach read the table from the other direction:
1. Marie wasn’t liked in high school and assumed that she was “unlikable.”
2. She didn’t like herself and ate to feel good. She lived a less than healthy lifestyle as a way of showing people that she indeed was unlikable. It was better for people not to like her for her appearance than not to like her for who she was. In other words, Marie gave people a reason not to like her. If she were physically attractive and people still didn’t like her, it would be even more painful.
3. Because of her appearance and her assumptions, she shied away from meeting new people, preferring instead to work with people she
“knew” liked her. If her customers saw her as indispensable, the com- pany would not fire her.
4. She therefore did not solicit new business. That which she wanted the most, to meet her manager’s expectation, she was not actively pursuing.
THE LEARNING
Marie drove through life pushing both pedals to the floor—one foot on the gas…she spent countless hours at work, running ragged trying to please everyone—the other foot on the brake, overeating. She failed to do that
which would have yielded the greatest job success because of a fear of rejec- tion. Furthermore, the very behavior she thought would personally protect her was hastening that which she feared the most, losing her job.
The issue was not a new one. It had plagued her throughout her adult life. Her well-intentioned coping with the uncertainties of the world was not effective. The prospect of giving up this way of life frightened her.
Marie learned that shedding pounds was not about self-control and diet.
It was really about finding the courage to face her underlying anxieties.
Losing weight might cause her to feel almost naked. Without the excuse that people did not like her because of her physical appearance, her true self was open to the judgment of others.
A major source of personal paradox is that often the protective behaviors humans adopt early in their lives or careers eventually become destructive barriers to reaching goals. Letting go of something that may have worked for many years but is now seen as counterproductive is like flying high on one trapeze, letting go, and hoping the other one comes in time to jump onto it.
Ironically, Marie initially maligned Tim as being uncaring and too demanding. Tim provided the impetus, the concern, and the support she needed to make the change. In retrospect she realized that her former boss had seen the same ineffective behaviors and that he had allowed her to take the easy way out. She was not sure how the future would play out, but she was grateful. Tim’s leadership offered an opportunity to create a more meaningful and satisfying life and career.
Fifteen-Minute Exercise
If you sense that you are driving through life with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake, complete the following exercise. Ask someone you trust to work with you:
• The person working with you, the listener, should not be your boss.
• You must not be compelled to share anything you don’t want to.
• The listener should not attempt to “solve your problem.”