Tim is writing at his desk. His writing teacher has set the following
task: ,
Assume that you are a teacher in your old high school, and that a senior has asked you to write a letter of recommendation for him as he applies for admission to one of the U.S. service academies. He is an A student, and has notable qualities of character, ability, and perform- ance. He has gone out of the way to help the school community, such as in tutoring some of the younger students. He is popular with his classmates. Your observation of him also reveals a strong moral character.
Tim begins much as Kathy does. He lists ideas about the stu- . dent, ideas about letters, and key words noted in the assignment:
—purpose of letter
—how long student has been known his capabilities
—name
—personality
—contributions to school
—example of outstanding achievement
—writer’s status
Writing fs Thinking 9
—why student is suited to the school -—leadership skills
—grades
—relations with other students
Below the list Tim writes out the question he is now asking
himself: .
What are the characteristics of a letter of recommendation?
To answer this, he resorts to a brief bit of free writing:
To portray a good character sketch and provide a list of accomplish- ments to prove to the reader that the student (Paul R. E. Vere) is, indeed, needed by the particular establishment (in this case, the West Point Academy).
Tim has found a focus. He underscores the phrases “to prove to the reader that’ and “needed by the academy,” and goes on to draft this thesis sentence:
Paul will not only be accepted at, but will be.a benefit to West Point.
Tim’s next step is different from Kathy’s. He does not yet prepare an outline; he immediately drafts his letter.
Dear West Point:
Having worked with Paul in Boy Scouts, I found him quite a good leader. His kids admired and willingly obeyed him. He is relatively quiet, but when he speaks, he-speaks well and means what he says.
Paul’s performance at the A level during his high school career and his work as a tutor of math and science are good proofs of his intellec- tual ability and depth of understanding. As a tutor, which was a service he offered freely, he showed much patience and helped raise some of our poorer students to a fine academic level: If you have occasion to speak with him, I am sure you will find him a very friendly and perceptive young man.
The most revealing aspect of Paul is his. football. It wasn’t sitting and watching Saturday morning cartoons that produced one of the finest running backs our school has ever seen, but his get up and go! In fact, ifPaul has any weakness it’s his drive to produce. He sets his goals and achieves them. Paul is respected by all the team, and many of the students are fans of his.
What’s even better is that he hasn’t allowed his success in aca- _ demics, success in Scouts, and success in sports, to go to his head. Yes, he is quite a remarkable boy, and that’s why I am writing to you. Yet I
49 Getting Ready to Write
don’t believe that a letter such as this can speak accurately of Paul. I suggest you meet him. There is probably no way that you can not hear about his accomplishments after he has been accepted. Iam confident that Paul will do exceedingly well.
Tim’s draft is messy and a bit rambling, but he’s ready to tighten it up now.
To bring the letter into tighter focus, Tim returns to the open- ing. His draft lists three of Paul’s areas of achievement — Boy Scouts, school, and football. Tim begins to focus on the opening paragraph by building these three points into his opening para- graph:
Ihave worked with Paul Vere in several capacities during the last five years. His performance as a Scout Leader and his renown as a run- ning-back for the West Valley Spartans have shown me that he will not only be accepted at, but be a benefit to West Point.
Tim’s next step is to outline his letter. Using his new “introduc- tion” as a guide, he will state the subject of each paragraph, in order, This outline will describe the logical order of Tim’s paper, and will guide him in revising it.
PARAGRAPH |
Paul is not only acceptable to, but beneficial to West Point.
PARAGRAPH It
Paul is a respected Scout leader.
PARAGRAPH. III
Paul is an A student who offers tutoring help to others.
PARAGRAPH IV
Paul has gained great respect from all as an athlete, yet he is still modest.
PARAGRAPH V
Restates my view of Paul and asserts that Paul is more than accept-
able. -
Paragraph II—on Paul’s scouting—-seems weak and poorly placed. Tim will move Paul’s impressive school record up into its place. Tim is now ready to revise his draft; he will tighten the letter
as he goes along: ˆ
Writing is Thinking — 44 Captain Harold Richards
. Director of Admissions West Point Army Academy West Point, New York 14016
Re: Paul R. E. Vere 24 November, 1982
Dear Sir,
I have worked with Paul Vere in several capacities during the last five years. His academic standing in my American History course as well as in other subjects, his performance as a Boy Scout leader in my troop, and his renown as a running-back for the West Valley Spartans have shown me that he will not only be accepted at, but be a benefit to West Point.
Paul has succeeded in maintaining an A grade level during his entire high school career. This and his work as a math and science tutor, a service which he offered freely, are definite proofs of his intellectual ability and depth of understanding. Indeed, as a tutor, Paul showed much patience and helped raise some of our poorer students to a fine academic level.
Having worked with Paul in Boy Scouts, I also found him to be quite a good leader, both admired and willingly obeyed by his kids. If you have occasion to speak to him, I am sure you will find him a very friendly and perceptive young man. He is relatively quiet, but when he speaks, he speaks well and means what he says.
However, the most revealing aspect of Paul is his football. It wasn’t sitting and watching Saturday morning cartoons that produced one of the finest running-backs our school has ever seen, but his proud endeavor! In fact, if Paul has any weakness, then it is his drive to produce. All the team respect Paul and many of the students and members of the community are great fans of his. Yet, what is even better is that he hasn’t allowed this success, success in academics, success in Scouts and success in sports, to go to his head.
Yes, Paul is quite a remarkable young man, and that is why am writing to you. Since I don’t believe letters of this kind present a complete image of a person, I suggest you meet him. I know West Point's reputation, and I am confident Paul will do exceedingly well there.
Respectfully yours, Timothy J. Outlander
12 Getting Ready to Write
Tim may now, like Kathy, put his draft aside and go on to something else. His’ copy is still rough, but his plan is clearly thought out and drafted. Only the editing remains; he’ll do that in the morning.