This has to be a myth. Hey, wait a minute. Maybe not. Maybe that’s the whole problme!
capitalization, or grammar errors.
Once there was a proofreader who was very, very lazy. he forgot capitals at the beginnings of sentences. He forgot commas periods, and other types of punctuation He even forgot to corect speling erors. Sometimes he even forgetted to fix grammar mistakes.
When people told the proofreader about his mistakes, he said,“So what? What could possibly happen from a few proofreading errors?”
One day the proofreader was proofreading a recipe for bagels. The recipe was supposed to call for 14 ounces of yeast. But the proofreader’s mistake said 14 pounds of yeast.
Well, wouldn’t you know it, the proofreader wandered into a bagel store next day. This was just after the bagel baker had added 14 pounds of yeast instead of 14 ounces.
“I’ll have one poppy sead bagel,” said the proofreader.
Suddenly, the bagels explode. The proofreader got hit by a flying bagel. In fact, it stuck to his nose!
At the hospital, the proofreader asked the doctor,“Why you laughing?”
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said.“I’ve not never seen a bagel stuck to somebody’s nose before. How did it happen?”
The proofreader told the story while the doctor extracted the bagel.
Today, his nose is as good as new.
He’s also a much better proofreader.
Now he realizes what can happen from just one small mistake.
Cooking With Louie,page 12 Want Ads,page 9
Punctuation Poem,page 8 Lonesome Bob’s Restaurant: The Menu,page 11
velous recipe I discoverred while traveling last . I call it . . . Pellets Louie g pellets.2.Nock the bag over. t bother prepareing them in any way. Just spill them ou on a diet? Here’s a great low-fat recipe. I call it . . . ast-food wrapper that had a taco or berger 2.Choo the wrapper.3.Spit out the paper ard. Stay slim on this fabulous food plan! ned this recipe when someone accidentale left a bag of as amazing! I call it . . . Garbage 2.Poke a hole in the bag with 3.Eat. ou in real troubel. I tryed as chased for it. But, able Louie hile people are cooking dinner. ait until no one is looking.3.Jump up on the table and hatever you can get.4.Be perpared to run fast!
The five-day forecast is given belo Today High: 46 Low: 44 Tomorrow High: 73 Low: 62 Tuesday High: 59 Low: 39 Wednesday High: 99 Low: 79 Thursday High: 39 Low: 19
Partly Cloudy Some sun in the mor move in the aftrenoon. Look for a sprinkle tonight. Showers and Thunderstor Downpores could be hea Dangerous lightning and hale are possib Wear your water Rain Ending A cold front mo Look for light winds and clearing sk Sunny and Hot Hie pressure brings scorching temperatures. Sta sumthing with an ice cube in it. Mostly Sunny and Cold Winter conditions retur windowes and w unless you ha
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The following are the results of a scientif hundred students just like yourself w questions. Youw’ll be surprised by the results! General Questions Number of students who think air is a good thing to brethe like nickeles better than quarters are older than they were one y Personal Questions Number of students who wear their socks on their ears wear their socks over their shoeies injoy getting a case of poison i Special Duck Questions Number of students who think duckis a bird think duckis something you do to get out of the w think duckis a kind of goose Final Questions Number of students who don’ot like questions wouldn’t answer are questions wouldn’t answer our questions e
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Punctuashun Can be key When youre writing Poetry. Every line will tern Out better When it begins With a capital letter. Interruptions? They’re just fine, Insert a comma on the line. Now here’is something Dear to me, I call it the Apostrophe. Do some questiones Lose their spark When you forget A question mark?
Now wer’re going; Really rolling; Don’t forget The semi-colon. Try these: Collons and quotations. This mark’s good for Exclamaytions! (Did I for get Both of these? They call them the Parentheses.) Well! That’s all The time I’ave got. I’ll end this poem With a dot. Period.
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ho come to y dog. He barks so much it’is driving anted ho is responsible and w to sharpen pencils. I have a lot of pencils and I ou to keep them sharp. If you don’t keep them ll make you wash the dishes and clean out my t get me mad! Call 555-2770. y used. Will fit into any socket! Runs on rent. Classic bulb shape, with frosted . Used only at night, by nice family who never witches fast. By it for 4¢ or less. Call 555-4451. eels, no handlebars, no seat, spokes are broken to. ver was a good bike to begin with. You can e at 555-2139. illed with mountins of junk! If ou can have everything that’s in there!
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Appetizers Hot Air PuffsWe take the fineest quality air, scrub it until it’s squeaky clean, filter it, and stir in herbs and spices. Then we deep fry it in penut oil and serve it up hot and tasty. Wow, that’s good hot air!$4.95 Goat SoupGoats eat grass, weeds, rubber bands—just about anything. We combine these ingredents—and more—to make this sup. It tastes just the way you’d expect: like something a goat would eat!$6.95 Main Dishes Crumb BallsYou won’t believe our crumm balls. We don’t believe them ourselfs! That’s why we had them tested by Hall of Fame golfer Gummy Watson. Old Gummy put a crumb ball on a tee and smacked it over 275 yards. Now that’s a tasty crumb ball!$10.95 Mineral TacosWe take a fresh corn tortilla, smother it in lime juice, then pour on a hole bucket of pebbles. It’s a crunchy treat that’s truly fit for a king or a queen!$12.95 Desserts Big Mound of SugarIt’s just what we say it is. We dump a big mound of sugar in a boll. That’s it. Nothing fancy. Nothing compicated. Why bother with food?$6.95 Pocket BarsWe leave chocolate bars in the back pockets of our pants. Then we put the pants threw the washer and the dryer. Then we peel each chocolate bar off the pocket. Wow, that’s good!2 for $3.95
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New Remote Control Devices,page 15 Brush With Fame,page 18 Spoiled Rotten!,page 14 Dr. Lorna, Pet Psychologist,page 17
Congratulations! you are now the proud ne wungle CV-502. Your machine includes the latest po skip technology. Use the following instr all of the special features. Commercial SkipThis skips the commercials in an program taped. Push the red Power Skip button once? Bore SkipTo skip dull or boring parts in pro the red Power Skip button twice. Mush SkipDo you hate those mushy par all of that kissing! Skip over them with Mush Skip. operate, push the red Power Skip button three times. Good Part ReplayYour Wungle CV-502 f in movies or taped programs, and automaticall them, whether you want, to see them or not! Whole Movie SkipSuppose you’ve chosen a Mo that has no good parts at all. Your Wungle CV automatically skip the entire movie and mo something more interesting Do Something ElseThe Wungle CV-502 can sense w you’ve already watched too much tv. At this point, it automatically turns itself off and flashes this message on the screen: Go outside and do something else!
Hollywood, May 1—I was walking my neighbor’s dog when I saw another dog nearby. It was a Dalmatian. I remembered reading about the movie star tom Jangles in Movie teenmagazine. The article said that Tom has a Dalmatian! So, then I looked up. The guy walking the dog looked exactly like TOm Jangles! Except, he was much younger He was also quite a bit heavier, a lot shorter, and had a beard. (I figured that this was just his disguise!) Otherwise, he looked exactly like Tom Jangles! So I said, Hey, Tom!” in a very friendly voice. He said, What are you talking about? My name is Walter. But I could tell he was just pretending. I’m sure it was so no one would recognize him? Later, when I got home and looked at Movie Teen magazine, it said that the real Tom Jangles has a boxer for a dog, not a Dalmatian? Then I thought, “Isn’t that perfect. Tom even disguises his dog!
My name is Smedley, Better none as You-Gene. I’am a wrapping fellow. I’m a wrapping machine! I wrapped a submarine sand witch To eat for later. Then tossed the hole thing in the Refrigerator. I wraped a birthday gift For my coussin Betty. I wrapped a cotton sweater. I wrapped a box of spaghetti. I wrapped a ball pont pen With some cellophane tape. I wrapped a potato, a tomato And a seedleses grape . . . Oh wait, what’s that You say about rapping? I’ve got it all rong? Now, how could this happen? Am I not a “Wrap” Star? Are you calling me fake? Whoops! Now I get it. Sorey, My mistake!
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I’m 909 West Northern Avenue San Diego, ca 92109 july 27, 2002 Dear Dr. Lorna My dog thinks he’s a rooster. Every morning he gets up and cock-a-doodles at the sun. Then he tries to peck. What should I do! Your friend, Chicken Dog Dear Chick, Send for my new book, How to Help Your Dog Be a Dog. It contains tips for how to control clucking, pecking, and other chicken-like behaviors? Good cluck, I mean, luck! Yours truly, Dr. Lorna 4200 Beachfront Lane St. petersburg, FL 33713 November 2, 2001 Dear Dr Lorna, My pet mouse is shy. I had a party for her and she wouldn’t even come out of her hole to meet the guests. What should I do? Yours truly Mouse Mom dear Mouse, Is there any chance that some of your guests were cats? Mice are known to be shy around cats. Try having the party again. Only this time, don’t invite any cats. Yours truly: Dr. Lorna
Pillow Culer •Liquid nitrogen 980,000 BTU cooling system cools pillows fast •Settings include Cool, Frosty, Icy, Stone-cold Frozun •Never need to turn your pillow over again Button Pusher •Too laizy to push buttons? Get the button pusher! •Real human beings who work by the week, day, hour, or minnute •They work hard so you can be lazy! Pet Space Launcher •Real solud fuel NASA booster system •Just like the ones used in the space shuttel •18 million pounds of thrust. It really orbits Earth. •Includes tiny astronaut suits for your dog, cat, bird, or mowse •Give pooch or kitty the vacatiun of a lifetime! Twenty Dollar Bills •Made of sterdy green paper •U.S. government issue •Good for wiping up messes, writing notes, or buying things •Fits easily in your pocket or perse
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Cooler Remote Control Neihbor Changer Push the button. Your neighbores change into different people. Also works on people sitting next to you in school, on a bus, or in a restaurant. Long Distanse Remote Stereo Controller Controls stereo settings for up to 500 miles. From your oan living room, you can turn on music for someone in Pittsburgh! Remote Control Eye Opener Two tired to open your eyes in the morning? No problem. Just point and clik. Your eyes will open like a camera shutter. It will close eyes, too. Grate for sleep overs. Remote Remote Too tyred to push buttons? You can use this remote remote to control your other remote from acrost the room. Come to think of it, you might as well use the remote itself. But then, there wouldn’nt be any need for this product!
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Olympic Events for Really Lazy People,page 21 What They Do on Their Day Off,page 24 The Great Debate: Cats vs. Dogs,page 20 Consumer Tips: How to Make Gum Last Longer,page 23 We recommend that you notput y following businesses. Greasie’s Restaurant Do you like greasy food! Then Greasie’ you. We fry all our food in 100% g desserts are fried. Greasie’s is a slipper Cheapo Inn Motels Where else can you get a room for less than $7,00 a night? Cheapo’s is the motel chain that of no elevator, no beds, no televisions, no bathrooms, and no windows. You can’t find a cheaper motel! Mini Bowl Do you like miniature golf? Then come do bowl. It has a tiny ball, a tiny bowling lane, and e scorecard. The bowling pins are no bigger than an aspirin bottle Just try putting your fingers in the Bo holes! Doggie Wash Do you like giving your dog a bath? If not, go to do Wash, the world’s only automatic do works just like a car wash. Just strap y watch it go down the Conveyor belt. cleaner (or more terrified) dog! Silliness is on the rise. Active people f silly fits today’s more active lifestyle. Listen to w people are saying about finding time to be sill Stockbroker Maggie W. said “I tak every day. After a hard day I like to mak the mirror. It’s great! “School is hard,” said Chuck C., four silly helps. I put a piece of cheese on m great. Being silly is the best!” Mona T., mom, claims, It’s impor learn to be silly when they’re young. I w bungling, ridiculous, and doofy. It will help them w grow up” It’s hard to find time to act lik important lawyer” explains Bonnie B “Sometimes during a meeting, I just put my dog on my head and juggle lik clown. Then I take the dog off and my client.”
How do I make my gum last longer?That is one of the most frequently asked questions we hear at Consumer Headquarters. After careful study, we’ve come up with the following helpful tips? 1.Don’t chew so much. Studies show that chewing reduces Flavor. The more you chew, the more Flavor you lose. So try to not chew so much. Just put the gum in your mouth hold it, and chew once every 60 seconds. 2.Don’t chew so hard. Chewing hard reduces flavor. So chew more softly. Imagine you are chewing a tiny robins egg. Remember that if you chew too hard, you’ll break the egg 3.Take the gum out of your mouth. Spit the gum out in your hand and roll it into a long-lasting ball To make it last forever, donate it to the Museum of Gum. 4.Don’t take the gum out of the pack. Gum flavor will last for month’s if you simply leave it wrapped up in the pack. This is for people who really want long- lasting gum: 5.Don’t even buy the gum in the first place. Studies show that the longest-lasting gum of all is gum that you don’t buy. After all, if you don’t have any gum, how can it lose flavor.
Moderator:Welcome to “The Great Debate.” Our experts are here to discuss the Pros and Cons of cats and dogs. Cats are represented by Zippy. Woofie, a Dog, is representing the opposing side. Zippy please make your opening statement. Zippy:First, I’d like to thank you for asking me here. Next, I think dogs are loud dirty, and dim-witted. Moderator:Woofie, will you make your opening statement. Woofie:I would like to thank “The Great Debate” for sponsoring this discussion. First, Zippy is wrong. Dogs are friendly, warm, and smart. Zippy:I, disagree. If dogs are friendly, why doesn’t Woofie agree with me? Woofie:I’m not agreeing with you because you’re wrong. Dogs are good. Cats are bad. Zippy:Can you prove your statement. Woofie:The Dog Institute recently did a study and found that cats are sneaky, mean, and nasty. Zippy:That’s not true! Woofie:Yes, it is! Zippy:No it’s not! Moderator:Ladies and gentlemen, we must interrupt this debate. Our debaters are chasing each other around the stage. Please join us next time when we present “Squid vs. Whale: Who’s Better?
entathlon ive different areas: , The snooze, and y, The Siesta. The first one, that y are running swimming ving. Of course, they’re only daydreaming. , they’re just lounging around. widdle inger twiddling, The Finalists then face each other in a f. Your Pajamas and doodling ho can talk on the phone the hile doodling? Scores will be based on doodles, viewed dog said. “By the time I get my day off xhausted from barking and sniffing all week. t bark a bit. If I need to speak, I meow softly. I don’t y tail, except for emergencies. I lie around and read . , “sitting around watching TV all week is a tough job. On my day off; le. I go to museums. y to stay away from couches.” view with a Woman who makes those vealed, ‘I love my w many people can say that. So on my day off, I y on the phone. I call strangers and ask them y’d like to change their long distance company. I do That’s how much I love my job!” nyard, a chicken said, do you know how hard it y an egg every day? On my day off, I like to go ou say you’ve never seen a chicken , especially on Tuesdays. A lot ens take Tuesdays off for a trail ride.”
Would you like to be a millionaire before you’re twelve? Others have done it. You can do it, to. Just follow these helpful pointers. Step 1Get to know someone who has several million dollar and want to give some of it away. Step 2Ask that person to gave you a million dollars. Remember to say, “Please!” Step 3If the person don’t give you the money, say, “Pretty please with a cherry on top.” This usual works. If it doesn’t work, go to step 4. Step 4Beg and whine. If this don’t work, go to step 5. Step 5Keep your eyes open for the following: $ Rare coins that be worth an million dollars $ Buried treasure $ Big bags of gold $ Lost art masterpieces $ Big bags of diamonds Step 6If all else fails, become a superstar actor, singer, or athlete. Or, you can just look around for an big bag stuffed with money.
Spelling Tips From Mr. Mickey,page 27 How to Become a Millionaire Before the Age of 12,page 30 My Most Embarrassing Moment,page 26 How I Invented the Amazing Spaghetti Gutter,page 29 Jerry:Welcome to the shows, Ms. Tantr Bobbie:I’d like to say right off that I’m hot under the collar! I’d like to say right off that I’m steaming mad! Jerry:Why is that? Bobbie:They is throwing the ball right at m Jerry:Who, Ms. Tantrum? Who’s throwing right at y Bobbie:The other team! The other team thro my team. It isn’t right. I’m going to take it an Jerry:But, coach, this is dodge ball. The point of dodge ball is to throw the ball at the other team. Bobbie:It is? Who telled you that? Jerry:It’s common knowledge! Bobbie:Really? No wonder my team ne Jerry:I think that your player Tonya Lightoff has a good ar Is her your best player? Bobbie:I guess she can throw hardest than Star Renite. If w play by your rules, Tonya could be the star Jerry:What’s your game plan, coach? Bobbie:I think it’s time to stop talking and star team. Jerry:Thanks, Ms. Tantrum. That were Bobbie T of the Uptown School dodge ball team. Good night, f
Dinah Bingle, Member of Congress, said, “I was giving a speech to the members’of the Askalooska Polar Bear Club. Suddenly, I realized that I didn’t have any idea what I was talking about! I didn’t let that stop me. In fact, I’ve gone on to become a successful lawmaker. Of course, I still have no idea what I be talking about.” Fred Yerkle, Rude Cab Driver, explained, “I was driving down the street. Suddenly, I noticed that I wasn’t snarling and I noticed that I wasn’t being rude. I wasn’t changing lanes, tailgating, or hogging the road. I was just driving. I was so embarrassed! Quickly, I went back to my old self and honked at a truck. I felt much more better.” Johnny Pilson, Fourth Grader, said, “I was doing my homework when I realized that the assignment were fun. I didn’t told anyone. I thought the feeling would go away. But, it’s still here. I actually enjoy doing my homework.” Louie, a Dog, laughed, “A human spilled something under the table. I think it was a French fry. I didn’t run to get it! I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it had something to do with that seven-pound turkey leg that I’d just finish eating. Whatever it was, I’m better now. When something spills from the table, I zip over there and grab it!” Take a look at the first picture. That’s I, Sandy Beech, after eating a bowl of spaghetti. I loves spaghetti. But, spaghetti is a mess! That’s why I invent the Amazing Spaghetti Gutter. The Amazing Spaghetti Gutter have patented Total Surround® technology. It works like the cow-catcher on a railroad train to whisk away spills before they pile up! Take a look at me after I use the Amazing Spaghetti Gutter. I just has a big bowl of spaghetti and you can’t even tell! My blouses is clean. My chin is dry. The Amazing Spaghetti Gutter sucked up the spills before they even started! How much would you pay for a 100% all-vinyl Spaghetti Gutter? Millions has been sold for $695.95. But today, in this limited offer, you can order a Amazing Spaghetti Gutter for only $19.95! That’s right! You get the Gutter, attachments, instruction booklet, and video all for only $19.95! Bonus! If you order today, get 50 foot of extra-heavy duty garden hose for rinsing after a big meal. It’s absolutely free!
The Situation Right Now At the moment, the biscuit supply holding up. But, biscuits are disappearing at an alarming rate. If this trend keeps up, we be completely out of biscuits b Every day, thousands of biscuit are left uneaten, destro or threw away. Don’t let this happen to y Trends Some people seem to think the biscuit suppl It ain’t. Remember, once you eat a biscuit, it’ Organizations Groups like S.O.B. (Save Our Biscuits) are or They use rallies and concerts to got the w minds is being changed. People are becoming a Great Biscuit Shortage. What You Can Do •Save your biscuits! •Tell them friends and neighbors to rec •Organize a Biscuit Day for yours school.
Tip 1 Some spelling mistakes is actually correct. For example, the word wrongoften is spelled wrong. Of course, this be wrong. But it’s not a mistake. It’s just wrong. Tip 2 Persons often spell words incorrectly when you ask them to lend you money. When they mean to say “yes” they spell their answers “no.” Tip 3 Big words can be tricky. For example, looks at the word smiles. Though she may not seem big, there is a mile between the first and last letters of the word. Tip 4 What’s the harder word to spell? That would be diamond. A diamond is 13 times harder than steel, and 96 times harder than oatmeal. The following are general tip to improve your spelling. 1.Never spell on a empty stomach. 2.When spelling dangerous words, always wore a helmet and goggles. 3.Wash all dirty words with soap and water before spell.
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