Tài liệu Domestic violence information and referral handbook doc

Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1: The Truth About Domestic Violence Children and Domestic Violence The Power and Control Wheel The Equality Wheel Substance Abuse and Domestic

Domestic violence information and

referral handbook

Domestic Violence Information and Referral Handbook

Adapted from the handbook "From This Day Forward"Published by the Santa Clara County Probation Department

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Truth About Domestic Violence Children and Domestic Violence

The Power and Control Wheel The Equality Wheel

Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Teen Dating Violence

Battering in Same Sex Relationships Immigration

Chapter 2: Planning for your Safety Safety Before and During an Assault Safety When Preparing to Leave Safety When Living on Your Own Safety With a Protective Order Safety on the Job and in Public Your Safety and Emotional Health Checklist

Chapter 3: Your Rights and the Criminal Justice System The Police

The Office of Pretrial Services The District Attorney's Office The Probation Department

State Parole Chapter 4: Your Rights and the Family and Juvenile Dependency Courts

Restraining Orders: Protection through Family Court Child Protection

Chapter 5: Where to Turn for Help Crisis Hotlines

Drop-In Support Groups Shelters - Battered Women and Children Legal Information / Restraining Orders (TRO's) Counseling / Information for Women and Children Law Enforcement

Chapter 6: Suggested Readings Appendix: From the Handbook Acknowledgments

Dedication

Introduction

No one deserves abuse

It is a crime if someone physically hurts or threatens you No one has the right to hurt you, even if that person is a spouse, child, boyfriend or girlfriend, parent or partner

You are not responsible for the violence

Batterers often blame their abusive behavior on drugs or alcohol, stress, childhood abuse, or their partner As a result, you may have feelings of isolation, fear, shame, and hopelessness

You are not alone

There are people who are concerned about you and want to help This handbook can help you protect yourself and your children It describes the characteristics of domestic violence, explains the role

of the justice system, lists your rights and options, and provides community resources where you can turn for help We hope this information is part of the beginning of a safe future for you and your children

Read the Truth

I am not to blame for being beaten and abused

I have a right NOT to be abused

I am not the cause

of another's violent behavior

I have a right to be angry over past beatings

I do not like or want it

I do not want my children to grow up to batter

or be battered

I have a right to leavethis battering environment

I have a right to be in a safe, nonviolent home

I have a right to provide a healthy environment

for myself and my children

I do not have to accept physical, emotional,sexual, psychological, or financial abuse

I have the right to make mistakes

I have the right to believethat I have a good memoryand can remember events

I have the right to have a partnerwho is sexually faithful

I have the right to participate in the process

of making rules that will affect my life

CHAPTER 1: The Truth About Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is an escalating pattern of abuse where one partner in an intimate relationship controls the other through force, intimidation, or the threat of violence Abuse comes in many forms:

Physical Kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, pushing, and any

other acts which hurt your body

Sexual Calling you vulgar names, criticizing your body parts or

sensuality, forced or pressured sexual acts, including rape Emotional Assaults against your self-esteem

Verbal Name-calling, threats, put-downs

Psychological Causing you to feel as if you are "going crazy"

Spiritual Attacking your spiritual or religious beliefs

Financial Controlling and manipulating you by threatening your

economic status and basic needs

Homophobic Threatening to "out" you to people who do not know your

sexual orientation Immigration Using your immigration status and fear of deportation to

control you

Destructive Acts Actual or threatened assault of your property or pets to

scare you

● A woman is beaten every nine seconds in the United States Domestic violence

is the most under-reported crime in the country, with the actual incidence 10 times higher than is reported

● Eighty percent of children who live in homes where domestic violence occurs witness the abuse

● Lesbian and gay domestic violence occurs in approximately one-third of these relationships, about as often as in heterosexual relationships

● On average, four women are murdered every day by their male partner in the U.

S According to the District Attorney's Office, there were 21 deaths as a result

of domestic violence in Santa Clara County in 1995

● Women in the U.S are in nine times more danger in their own homes than they are in the street

● According to the U.S Department of Justice, 95 percent of reported spousal assaults are committed by men against women Assaults committed by women against men occur in approximately 5 to 10 percent of domestic violence

during pregnancy

Domestic violence is one of the nation's best kept secrets Myths and

misunderstandings abound Knowing the facts is an important step toward breaking the cycle of violence

Fact: Almost four million women are beaten in their homes every year by their

male partners Although the first violent incident may not be severe, once battering begins, it tends to increase in severity and frequency, sometimes leading to permanent injury or death What may begin as an occasional slap or shove will turn into a pushy down the stairs, a punch in the face, or

a kick in the stomach

Fact: Battering is not about anger or losing control; it is an intentional choice

focused on maintaining power and control in the relationship Batterers manage not to beat their bosses or terrorize their friends when they are angry

Fact: The batterer is responsible for the violence – not the victim People are

beaten for breaking an egg yolk while fixing breakfast, for wearing their hair a certain way, for dressing to nicely or not nicely enough, for cooking the wrong meal, or any other number of excuses These incidents do not warrant or provoke violence Even when you disagree, you do not deserve

to be beaten People who are battered do not want to be beaten

Fact: Violence does occur in same sex relationships, and the issues of power

and control are similar to those found in heterosexual relationships

Homophobia allows us to trivialize the violence in same sex relationships and compounds the effects of the violence for the victim

Fact: Substance abuse is involved in about half of all domestic violence

incidents Although drugs or alcohol may lower a person's self-control, they do not cause violence Batterers often use drugs or alcohol as an excuse or permission to batter and to avoid responsibility for their abuse

Fact: Because violence inflicted upon a woman by her partner is treated much

differently than violence inflicted by a stranger, batterers are not always arrested Traditionally, police were more likely to file a report if the offender was a stranger, rather than an intimate partner

Fact: Battering crosses all economic, educational, ethnic, sexual orientation,

age, and racial lines in equal proportions There is no "typical" victim

Fact: Batterers generally lead "normal" lives except for their unwillingness to

stop their violence and controlling behavior in their intimate relationships Batterers do not batter because they are crazy or mentally ill

People stay with abusive partners for many different reasons By understanding these

reasons, you can explore your options for living a violence-free life and avoid feelings

of guilt and isolation

● You fear you will be beaten more severely Your batterer has threatened to find and kill or harm you, your children, and your family

● You depend on the batterer for shelter, food, and other necessities

● You have no one to talk to who understands and believes you

● You believe your children need two parents, and you don't want to raise them alone

● You want to keep the family together and live up to your religious commitment

to remain with your partner

● You fear that you won't be able to take care of yourself and your children alone

● You want to stand by your partner and be loyal to the relationship

● Your partner has threatened to commit suicide if you leave

● You believe that things will get better

● You believe that no one else will love you

● You fear your family and friends will be ashamed of you

● You feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated and don't want anyone to know what is happening

● You think others will believe that you are "low class" or stupid for staying as long as you already have

● You believe that you need to be in a relationship to feel like a complete person

● You fear that you will be deported or that your children will be taken out of the country

● If you are in a same sex relationship, you fear that you will be "outed" or that no one will believe you

● Your job is to make the relationship work, and if it does not work, you are to blame

● If you stay, you can "save" the batterer and help him or her get better

It is a myth that people don't leave violent relationships Many leave an average of five

to seven times before they are able to leave permanently You are in greater danger from your partner's abuse when you leave Only you can decide what is best for you and your children Whether you decide to remain with your abusive partner or leave, it

is important for you to plan for your safety

Children and Domestic Violence

● Children who live in a home where battering occurs are likely to experience a variety of negative effects and problems

● Children may be injured during an incident of violence, may suffer feelings of helplessness, may blame themselves for not preventing the violence or for causing it, and may be abused or neglected themselves

● Children in violent homes face a dual threat: witnessing traumatic events and the threat of physical assault

● Children living with domestic violence experience unnaturally high levels of anxiety

● Children may suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (similar to what war

veterans suffer) even after a single incident

● Children exposed to domestic violence often experience difficulties in school

● Children living in violent homes have more frequent incidents of truancy, theft, insomnia, temper tantrums, and violence toward others than children raised in a non-violent atmosphere

● Studies indicate that boys exposed to family violence tend to be overly

aggressive and disruptive

● Studies show that girls who are exposed to family violence tend to withdraw and behave more passively than girls not exposed to violence

● Children who live in abusive homes have a higher risk of juvenile delinquency and substance abuse

It is extremely important for children who live in violent homes to have a simple safety plan

Warn children to stay out of the adults' conflicts.

Make a list of people the children can trust and talk to when they are feeling unsafe (neighbors, teachers, relatives, friends)

Decide ahead of time on a safe place the children can go when they feel unsafe

Teach children how to use police and other emergency phone numbers.

The Power and Control Wheel

Abusive relationships are based on the mistaken belief that one person has the right to control another When the actions described in the spokes of this wheel and on the next page don't work, the person in power moves on to actual physical and sexual violence The relationship is based on the exercise of power to gain and maintain control The dignity of both partners is stripped away

Used by permission of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project,

206 West Fourth Street, Duluth, Minnesota 55806

Using Emotional Abuse

● Putting you down

● Making you feel bad about yourself

● Calling you names

● Making you feel guilty

● Making you think you are crazy

● Playing mind games

● Humiliating you

Using Isolation

● Controlling what you do, whom you see and talk to, what you read, and where you go

● Limiting your outside involvement

● Using jealousy to justify actions

Denying, Blaming, Minimizing

● Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously

● Saying the abuse didn't happen

● Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior to other people or circumstances

● Saying you caused the abuse

● Using visitation to harass you

● Threatening to take the children away

Using Male Privilege

● Making all the big decisions

● Acting like "Master of the Castle"

● Being the one to define men's and women's roles

● Treating you like a servant

Using Economic Abuse

● Preventing you from getting or keeping a job

● Making you ask for money

● Giving you an allowance

● Taking your money

● Not letting you know about or have access to family income

Using Coercion and Threats

● Making and/or carrying out threats

to do something to hurt you

● Threatening to "out" you

● Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to Welfare authorities

● Making you do illegal things

The Equality Wheel

Healthy relationships are based on the belief that two people in a relationship are

partners with equal rights to have their needs met and equal responsibility for the

success of the partnership In this equality belief system, violence is not an option because it violates the rights of one partner and jeopardizes the success of the

relationship The dignity of both partners is built up in a relationship based on equality

Used by permission of the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project,

206 West Fourth Street, Duluth, Minnesota 55806

Non-Threatening Behavior

● Talking so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things

● Acting so that you feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself and doing things

Respect

● Listening to you non-judgmentally

● Valuing your opinions

● Being emotionally affirming and understanding

Trust and Support

● Respecting your right to have your own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions

● Supporting your goals in life

Honesty and Accountability

● Accepting responsibility for self

● Acknowledging past use of violence

● Admitting being wrong

● Communicating openly and truthfully

● Making money decisions together ● Making sure both partners benefit

from financial arrangements

Negotiation and Fairness

● Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict

● Accepting change

● Being willing to compromise

Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence

Alcohol or drug use is present in an estimated 65 to 80 percent of all domestic violence incidents Families affected by domestic violence typically experience a higher rate of alcohol and or drug use than families not affected by battering

While the batterer may blame substance use for the battering, it is important to know

that alcohol and drugs do not cause violence; however, the violence and abuse may

be more severe during use Domestic violence and substance abuse are two different problems and each requires specialized intervention

You may also be abusing substances as a means of coping with your partner's violence Substance abuse is never a healthy alternative For help, you can call

ComradesTurning Point Women's CenterMariposa Lodge (residential)South Bay Teen ChallengeAlcoholics AnonymousAlcoholics Anonymous (Spanish)Narcotics Anonymous

(408) 288-6209(408) 249-6590(408) 463-0131(408) 358-3435(408) 297-3555(408) 254-2891(408) 998-4200

Teen Dating Violence

Are you involved in a dating relationship that is abusive or is potentially abusive? Ask yourself these questions:

● Is your partner jealous or possessive?

● Does your partner dislike your friends?

● Does your partner not let you have friends?

● Does your partner have a "quick temper"?

● Does your partner have traditional ideas of gender roles?

● Does your partner try to control you or make all the decisions?

● Do you worry about how your partner will react to things you do or say?

● Do you get a lot of negative verbal teasing from your partner?

● Are you comfortable with your partner's "playful" slaps and shoves?

● Does your partner's behavior change if he/she drinks or uses drugs?

● Does your partner pressure you to use drugs or alcohol?

● Do you feel it is your responsibility to make the relationship work?

● Are you afraid of what your partner might do if he/she becomes angry?

● Are you afraid to end the relationship?

● Do you believe your partner will not accept breaking up?

● Does your partner blame you when he/she mistreats you?

Parents: Signs of Dating Violence:

● Your teen has bruises, bite marks, black eyes or other unexplained physical injuries

● Your teen is unwilling to discuss her or his dating relationship

● Your teen is withdrawn

● Your teen is spending a lot of time alone

If you are the victim of a juvenile batterer:

● Talk to your parents, if you can, or decide which friend, teacher, relative, or police officer you can tell

● Telephone the Probation Department at (408) 299-2145 and ask to speak with the assigned probation officer

● If the juvenile batterer is appearing in court, you have the right to be notified, to

be present in court, to submit a statement to the Court, in person or in writing, and to have a support person present

● Contact an advocate to help you make a safety plan and to decide if you should get a restraining order

● As a minor, you can get a restraining order A judge will decide if your parents should be notified For help with a restraining order, contact an advocate and see the Restraining Order section of this handbook

Counseling, education, and participation in a support group are the most beneficial resources available to help you Call one of the following phone numbers for more information

Community Solutions (South County)Next Door

Support Network24-7 Line

(408) 842-3118(408) 279-7550(650) 940-78551-888-247-7717

Battering in Same Sex Relationships

Batterers in same sex relationships use the same power and control tactics as

heterosexual batterers They blame the victim, deny or minimize the abuse, and resist being accountable for their violence Victims feel afraid, isolated and ashamed, take responsibility for the abuse, and face many barriers in leaving the relationship Societal homophobia also causes lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgendered to face

additional obstacles to safety and services including:

● Fear of losing custody of your children, your job, or family support if your sexual orientation is revealed

● Becoming a target for anti-lesbian/gay violence

● Extremely limited resources, for you and the batterer

● Inappropriate, insensitive, and homophobic responses from service providers and the criminal justice system

● Further stigmatization because of the abuser's violence

● Ostracism from the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender communities for

revealing the violence

● Emotional abuse by the batterer, including questioning your "real" orientation and reinforcing society's view of same sex relationships as perverse or bad

● Threats by the abuser to "out" you to your family, friends, and employers

● Denial of the existence of same sex battering by referring to the violence as

"mutual" battering

If you are a victim of domestic violence in a same sex relationship, you can call

Next DoorSupport Network for Battered Women

(408) 279-7550(800) 572-2782

Immigration

Many batterers use the immigration status of their partners as another way to control them Abuse may come in the following forms:

● Burning or stealing your papers or your children's papers

● Refusing to help you gain legal status

● Calling you names, like "illegal"

● Threatening to have you deported

● Reporting you to Immigration

Many victims of domestic violence are afraid to report or leave their abuser because they are "undocumented" Although the threat of deportation is real, your safety is most important

Although your immigration status may present certain risks, you still have many rights

● You do not have to reveal your immigration status

● You do not need to be a citizen or have papers to get a restraining order

● If you go to a battered women's shelter, you have the right to keep your

immigration status private Some battered women's shelters may be able to provide information and referrals for immigration issues

● You are entitled to receive emergency medical care, regardless of your

If you have already received a conditional residence permit and you are a victim of battery or extreme cruelty, you do not need the cooperation of your spouse to change the conditional status to "permanent resident"

Always consult an Immigration Attorney if you are not sure of your immigration status or if you need help For more information you can call

Immigration Assistance Line

- Spanish and English

- Chinese, Cantonese, Mandarin

- VietnameseCatholic Charities Immigration ProgramAsian Law Alliance

(650) 543-6767(650) 543-6769(650) 543-6797(408) 944-0691(408) 287-9710

CHAPTER 2: Planning for Your Safety

Safety Before and During an Assault

● When an attack has begun, escape if you can Whenever you believe that you are in danger, leave your home and take your children, no matter the time of day or night Go to a friend or relative's house or a domestic violence shelter

● Defend and protect yourself Later, take photos of your injuries

● Call for help Scream loudly and continuously You have nothing to be ashamed

of – the batterer does

● During an argument, stay close to an exit and avoid the bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere near weapons

● Practice getting out of your home safely Identify which doors, windows,

elevator, or stairwell would be best

● Have a packed bag ready, and keep it in a secret but accessible place so you can leave quickly

● Identify neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask them to call the

police if they hear a disturbance coming form your home

● Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police

● Plan where you will go if you have to leave home, even if you don't think you will

● Trust your own instincts and judgment Whatever you need to do to survive is the right choice You have the right to protect yourself

Safety When Preparing to Leave

● Open a savings account in your own name to establish your independence Give the bank a safe address, such as a post office box or a work address Think of other ways to increase your independence

● Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, and extra clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly

● Decide who you could stay with and who might loan you some money

● Keep the shelter's phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergencies

● Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer Leaving your batterer is the most dangerous time

● If you must leave your children, recover them as soon as possible Courts tend

to give custody to a parent who physically has the children Seek legal advice

or call a domestic violence agency if there are no current child custody orders

Safety When Living on Your Own

● Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows

● Call your local phone company to ask for an unlisted phone number This

service may be free of charge

● Create a safety plan with your children for times when you are not with them

● Inform your children's school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick

up your children

● Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him or her near your home

Safety With a Protective Order

● Keep your protective order on you at all times

● Call police if your partner breaks the protective order

● Keep a diary detailing any contact, threats, messages, or letters Save phone message tapes

● Think of alternative ways to stay safe if the police do not respond right away

● Give copies of your Protective Order and Proof of Service to everyone listed on the order along with family, friends, and neighbors who are willing to help you

Safety on the Job and in Public

● Decide whom at work you will inform of your situation This should include office

or building security Provide a picture of your batterer if possible

● Arrange to have someone screen your telephone calls if possible

● Devise a safety plan for when you leave work Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train Use a variety of routes to go home if possible Think about what you would do if something happened while you were on your way home

Your Safety and Emotional Health

● If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust

● If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do

so

● Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs

● Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger

● Decide whom you can call to talk freely and openly to give you the support you need

● Plan to attend a women's or victim's support group to gain support from others

and learn more about yourself, domestic violence, and relationships

CHECKLIST: What You Need to Take With You When You Leave

Identification, driver's license, car registration

Court orders, restraining orders

Birth certificates for you and your children

Police reports / documentation of previous abuse

Money

Bank books and / or bank account numbers

Checkbooks, credit cards, ATM card

Lease / rental agreement, house deed

Medical, life, and auto insurance papers

House and car keys, pink slip

Medications

Small saleable objects

Address book

Pictures

Medical records for all family members

Social Security card

Welfare identification

School and immunization records

Work permits / identification

Passport or "Green Card"

Divorce papers / marriage license

Jewelry

Children's clothing and small toys

Spare eyeglasses or contact lenses

Other:

REMEMBER: These things are not as important as the lives of you and your

children!

CHAPTER 3: Your Rights and the Criminal Justice System

The criminal justice system can be intimidating and confusing; it can also help you The following information will help you understand the process better The Victim

Advocacy Project through the Support Network for Battered Women is available to assist you throughout your experience with the criminal justice system

THE POLICE

Calling 911

If you have just been threatened or beaten, call 9-1-1 Tell the dispatcher that you are

in danger and you need help immediately

When the police arrive, describe your injuries in detail Include the following

information:

● How you were injured

● Information about violation of the restraining order

● Any threats the batterer made

● Any weapons used

● Any other instances of threats or violence

● Whether there are any witnesses

Ask the police to take pictures of injuries, bruises, and damaged property and to

remove any weapons used in the crime from the scene Try to be as calm as you

● Although it is best to make the report as soon as possible, you can also call the police hours after you have been abused, or even the next day, to have a report taken

● If the police do not write a report, you can go to the police station to make a report yourself

● Photos of your injuries are crucial Bruises may appear hours or days after the incident, and the pictures can be used as evidence While police may take photos, you should also take your own photos

● Never hesitate to call the police for help If you disagree with an officer's

responses to your situation, you can directly contact the commanding officer or request assistance from a domestic violence advocacy agency in

communicating your concerns to the law enforcement agency involved

● Always get the police officer's names and badge numbers

Civil Stand-By

If you need to return to your house to get your things or you don't want to let the

batterer back in your home to pick up his or her things, you can request a civil

stand-by A civil stand-by means the police are present to make sure everyone is safe The police will only allow a limited time for the person to gather property You can call your local police department to request a civil stand-by at any time

Copy of the Police Report

You have a right to obtain a copy of any police report in which you are listed as the victim The reports are available through the police agency that handled the case The charge for the report can be as much as $20, depending on the agency

It is always a good idea to get a copy of any incident report documenting your

batterer's abuse against you These police reports can be used as evidence of abuse

in other court proceedings, such as restraining order or custody hearings

Restraining Order Violations

● If your abuser has violated a restraining order, show the police your court order and the proof of service Restraining orders can be verified in the state registry

● The police are required to make an arrest if the batterer is present and they believe a violation of the restraining order has occurred

Emergency Protection Restraining Orders

● You have a right to request an Emergency Protection Restraining Order

(EPRO) from an officer at the scene of the crime

● An EPRO is temporary, and only a police officer, with the approval of a judge, can obtain this order

● Since you need an officer's assistance to get an EPRO, it is important to

describe the batterer's actions and the basis of your fears

● EPRO's are available 24 hours a day and good for up to 7 days and can include orders for custody and residence exclusion To get a more permanent order, you must go to Superior Court to file for a civil restraining order (see the Family Court section for more information)

Arresting the Batterer

Even if the batterer has broken the law, he or she may not necessarily be arrested If asked, you do not have to tell police you want to prosecute An officer's decision to arrest the batterer should not be based on whether or not you want to "press charges" Only the District Attorney can charge a person with a crime

Private Person's "Citizen's Arrest"

If the police refuse to arrest the batterer and the batterer is present, you have the right

to make a citizen's arrest under Penal Code Section 837 All you have to say is, "I want to make a citizen's arrest." You can tell the police of your request to make a

citizen's arrest outside of the hearing of the batterer The police are supposed to

advise you of your right to make a citizen's arrest

Release from Jail Following Arrest

If the batterer is arrested and taken to jail, he or she may be released on bail This release can happen within just a few hours You have the right to be notified of your batterer's release from jail

You may call

The Santa Clara County Victim Notification System

to register with the system so that you will beautomatically notified of your batterer's release

1-800-464-3568

Arrest by Warrant