CHECKING AND EDITING THE ÏNDEPENDENT RESPONSE You should give yourself about five minutes after writing the essay to look for and correct mistakes.. You will need to look for the same ki
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Prompt 6 Your hometown has just received a grant from an international organization to fund a single improvement project Which of the following would you recom- mend to receive the funding?
the city airport the streets and roads the police department the fire department
the public transportation system the local hospitals the art museum
Give specific examples and reasons to support your recommendation
Response 6
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CHECKING AND EDITING THE ÏNDEPENDENT RESPONSE
You should give yourself about five minutes after writing the essay to look for and correct mistakes You will need to look for the same kinds of mistakes that you looked for when checking and editing the Integrated Writing Response
(A) Checking and Editing Content and Organizational Errors
Again, there will not be enough time to make any major changes in the organiza- tion of your responses However, you should quickly check for the following problems:
1 Problems in the introduction
> Does the introduction accurately restate the prompt?
> Is there a thesis statement that summarizes your opinion of the prompt? (In some responses, the thesis statement is given in the conclusion.)
2 Problems in the body paragraphs
> Does all the information in the body paragraphs develop and support your opinion as given in the thesis statement?
> Are there reasons, examples, details, or experiences from your own life that support general statements?
> Are there sentences in the body that are unrelated to the thesis statement?
(If so, delete them.)
>» Do the ideas flow clearly from sentence to sentence and paragraph to para- graph? If not, can you add transition words that improve the flow of ideas?
3 Problems in the conclusion
> Is there a conclusion that gives readers the feeling that the essay is complete?
(B) Checking and Editing Grammatical Errors
The grammatical errors that you will be checking for in the Independent Response are the same as those in the Integrated Response The most common errors are listed here:
Sentence fragments and run-on sentences Verb errors
Pronoun errors Singular and plural errors
Incorrect word forms For more information, see Lesson 24 about editing the Integrated Response (pp 635-636), and for explanations, examples, and exercises involving these and other written structures, see the Writing Tutorial on Grammar (pp 706-729)
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(C) Checking and Editing Mechanical Errors
You should check your response for the following mechanical problems:
1 Spelling errors
2 Punctuation errors
3 Capitalization errors
4 Paragraphing problems Again, see Lesson 24 (pp 635-636) for more information about editing these kinds
of problems
EXERCISE 28.1
Focus: Checking and editing organizational/content errors, grammatical errors, and mechanical errors in paragraphs taken from Independent Writing Responses DIRECTIONS: Each of the following paragraphs contains a number of mistakes Find
as many mistakes in the paragraph as possible Correct the mistakes, writing in the space between the lines Then use your corrections to rewrite the paragraph The first sentence of paragraph 1 is done as an example
Paragraph 1
Fhe Technology has had major impact ## many field Nowadays we can’t even suppose business, communication, or traveling without computers I want to dis- cuss about the impact of computers on the education The modern technology has made live easy for students and professors If a student want to contact with a pro- fessor, you haven't problem It is enough only to send professor’s an e-mail and you haven't to go to office More over, many university created special network for stu- dents in order to make the studying process easy for its students For such kind net you could enter only by using your pass word and identification number There are many categories you can chose to enter, such as “student tools” or “assignment box” where you can know about your homeworks Also is possible to access to the university library to make researches Computers also give students opportunity to gather informations about various topic from the internet It is one of most easiest ways of making research for student One other way that computers can help
Trang 4stu-dents, especially those from another countries, to stay touch with their freinds and
family at their home, personally I could not study in usa if not contact with my
family, because I am both student as well as work as a manager in my families busi-
ness so I must stay in touch with my assistents
Technology has had a major impact on many fields
Paragraph 2
Some people are believing that is impossible falling in love with someone “at the
first sight.” In the other hand, there are others people who are believing that you
recognition a person that you love immediately I know its possible falling in love at
first sight Because this happened to my wife and I
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Paragraph 3
If you are ever in thailand in month of may I suggest you to go to the Rocket Fetival
It held every year in a small town called yasothon about 500 kilometer bangkok
bangkok has many beautiful temples, including the temple of the dawn This two
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day fetival is well known and famous in thailand It mark the beginning of rice growing season Fetival will open with a parate of women performing a Bang Fai Dance They dance around villagers carrying colorful rockets in shape of river snakes Villagers construct gigantic home made rockets and fire them into the sky
to ‘ensure’ plentiful raining during the rice-planting season The farmers believe if spirit pleased by their actions, he will deliver the raining necessary for good rice harvest People from all over thailand and tourists from all over world join the local people in celebrate First single rocket launched to forefell the next season's rains The higher it goes, the better is raining Then, the rocket competition begins with the same rule - the rocket that goes highest is the winner of the game If a rocket fails take off or explores, the owner will be throw into the mud The Rocket Festival
is spectacular and provides a great opportunity to experience fun However, if you
go, you need being careful Both villagers or tourists sometimes injure or even kill
by rockets that goes out of control
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Paragraph 4
When I was small child I live in the town of Sendai, the biggest city in the north
part of japan My grandmother live in Tokyo Which is in the center part of Japan
While I was live in Sendai, I often went to see my grandmother, but it takes five
hours to get to tokyo by local train Since about twenty-five years ago, the high
speed express train called the “Shinkansen” (bullet train) built, and connected
between Sendai and Tokyo For me personally, this was most importent develop-
ment in transportation It now take only a hour and half to travel to Tokyo from
Sendai The trip become very easy It also was a great impact on sendai Economics
development there increased In the negative side, prices for housing and other
things went up In the whole, however, this development was very big benefit for
the city
Paragraph 5
I’m from Korea Once, Koreans had large families They lived three times families
altogether (grandparents-parents-children) They were almost farmers, so they pre-
ferred large numbers of families In present, Korea has develop and society change
from agriculture to industrial Many people has moved from rural areas to urban
ones Because their job in the city For example my husband went to Seoul in 2000
for his college He leaved his parents and lived alone After his graduation, he got a
job at Seoul At that time we worked together After we marriaged, we lived at
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Seoul Of course his parents want us to live together them as Koreans traditional
do, but we have no jobs in parents area For me, I think this changes of society are natural and reasonable
Paragraph 6
Today you can see very often people arguing about advantages of computer game There are millions of computer games today Millions different ones Some time computer games so attractive that young people, and not just young, can spend ours and even days in front of computer And of cors if you spend to much tim on playing computer games you can heart your eye, physical conditions, and you can isolade yourself from sosiety, may be have problem communicating with other people
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Paragraph 7
When I first come to the united states I was only 17 years old and have never been
away from my home I come here for one year I lived with a family american in
suburban of new orleans I went to high school there Imagine how difficult is it for
me on a first day of school I didn’t know where should I go or what should I do I
spoken only little english But, I was very fortunate The daughter of my host fami-
lies neighbors recognizing me, and she did everything for helping me Not only, she
helped me talk with the principal of the school and she introduced me my teacher
for my first class She even eat her lunch with me I am still remember her
kindness!
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WRITING REVIEW TEST
» Nowstart the Audio Program @)
This Writing Section tests your ability to write academic English It consists of two writing tasks
The first writing task is an “integrated” task It involves reading a short passage and listening to a short lecture on the same topic You will then have twenty min- utes in which to write a response based on the information in the passage and the lecture
Now read the directions for the first writing task
Directions: Take three minutes to read the short passage on the following page You may take notes as you read
After three minutes have passed, turn the page and start the Audio Program You will hear a lecture on the same topic as the reading Again, you may take notes
as you listen
You will have twenty minutes to write your response Your response should include information from both the reading and the lecture
Your essay will be rated on the completeness and accuracy of your response as well as on the correctness and quality of your writing A typical response should be
150 to 225 words
You may use your notes and look at the reading passage as you write (During the actual exam, you can view the reading passage on the left side of the computer screen after the lecture is over.)
You have twenty minutes in which to finish the Integrated Writing Task
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For three hundred years, there have been those who have been in favor of Free
Trade Allowing businesses from all over the world access to your country’s mar-
kets, and having access to all the world’s markets, supposedly helps the
economies of both developing and developed countries However, the theory
that Free Trade has brought only blessings is simply not true
Proponents of Free Trade claim that open trade policies lead to peaceful
cooperation between nations on many levels and make war between trading
partners impossible Historically, this had not been the case Most of the nations
that fought each other in World War II had previously been trading partners
And even if trade disagreements do not lead to military conflicts, they may still
poison the relationship between nations, even between “friendly” nations
Free Trade brings global competition, and according to Free Trade advo-
cates, competition brings lower prices This may be true—at least at first A giant
international soft-drink company has what's called “economy of scale.” The
more soft drinks it produces, the cheaper it is to make them Therefore, they can
undersell local soft-drink producers This international soft-drink maker also has a
huge advertising budget, unlike local companies By offering lower prices and
filling the market with advertising, the giant company crowds out the local soft-
drink companies Many go bankrupt, and local workers lose their jobs After the
companies are gone, of course, there is little competition Global companies can
then charge whatever they want for their products
Usually, governments that limit trade do so through “tariff barriers.” In other
words, they charge a tax on imported goods This makes the cost of local goods
more competitive with the cost of imported goods And although it’s a fact that
is often forgotten, tariffs provide a useful source of income for governments—
and at no cost to the taxpayers of their own countries
Notes:
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» Now start the Audio Program Listen to part of a lecture in an economics class @)
Notes:
Question:
Summarize the main points made in the lecture that you just heard, discussing how they differ from the points made in the reading You can refer to the reading passage as you write