YOUNG VIETNAMESE PEOPLE AND CHILDHOOD CORPORAL PUNISHMENT a NARRATIVE INQUIRY = NGƯỜI VIỆT TRẺ và TRẢI NGHIỆM đòn ROI THUỞ NHỎ một NGHIÊN cứu tự sự

This research project,through the method of narrative inquiry, explores the life stories of five youngVietnamese adults who experienced corporal punishment in their childhood and examine

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI

UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES

FACULTY OF LINGUISTICS AND CULTURE OF ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES

GRADUATION PAPERYOUNG VIETNAMESE PEOPLE AND

CHILDHOOD CORPORAL PUNISHMENT:

A NARRATIVE INQUIRY

Supervisor: Nguyễn Thanh Hà, PhD.

Student: Tống Khánh Linh Course: QH2017.F1.E1

HANOI – 2021

ĐẠI HỌC QUỐC GIA HÀ NỘI

TRƯỜNG ĐẠI HỌC NGOẠI NGỮ

KHOA NGÔN NGỮ VÀ VĂN HÓA CÁC NƯỚC NÓI TIẾNG ANH

KHÓA LUẬN TỐT NGHIỆPNGƯỜI VIỆT TRẺ VÀ TRẢI NGHIỆM ĐÒN ROI THUỞ

NHỎ: MỘT NGHIÊN CỨU TỰ SỰ

Giáo viên hướng dẫn: Nguyễn Thanh Hà, PhD.

Sinh viên: Tống Khánh Linh Khóa: QH2017.F1.E1

HÀ NỘI – 2021

Signatures of Approval:

Supervisor’s comments and suggestion:

Acceptance page

I hereby state that I: Tống Khánh Linh, class of QH2017.F1.E1), being a candidate for the degree of Bachelor of Arts (programme) accept the requirements of the College relating to the retention and use of Bachelor’s Graduation Paper deposited in the library.

In terms of these conditions, I agree that the origin of my paper deposited in the library should be accessible for the purposes of study and research, in accordance with the normal conditions established by the librarian for the care, loan or reproduction of the paper.

Signature

Date

This paper would not have been completed without the enormous help and support of mysupervisor, Ms Thanh Ha She has been guiding me since day one when humanisticresearch was still a foreign concept to me Besides, I would like to express my mostsincere thanks to Ms Ha Thanh for her thoughtful comments on my earlier drafts

I would also love to express my gratitude for my family and friends without whom Icould have lost my motivation and patience in conducting this research I am veryfortunate to have Hanh, Hai Anh, Duong, Ha Anh, and my older sister Linh Bip by myside

Last but not least, I wish to send my warmest thanks to five brave participants whoopened their heart with me about their experiences of being physically punished

There is now a strong consensus in both the academic literature, legal framework, andsocial attitude on the harms of corporal punishment in the home Such a consensussometimes comes at the expense of nuances and candid discussion This research project,through the method of narrative inquiry, explores the life stories of five youngVietnamese adults who experienced corporal punishment in their childhood and examineshow they make meanings of it as they grow up It reveals the complicated, sometimesparadoxical, meaning of corporal punishment as a practice embedded in the intimaterelationship between children and adults in their life: It swings between love and abuse,fairness and irrationality, disciplined guidance and uncontained anger, trivial incidentsand formative events The diversity in the participants’ stories suggests that the meanings

of corporal punishment are relational rather than absolute, and dependent on a network ofrelations Their narratives feature either continuities or discontinuities, which helps themeither maintain a connection to or distance themselves from their childhood experiences.Their storytelling acts to reclaim the power they lacked in childhood and/or reflect the(re)construction of their adult selves

Key words: corporal punishment, narrative inquiry

TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

1.2 Statement of research problem and research questions 51.3 Theoretical perspective and Mode of inquiry 6

CHAPTER 2: BACKGROUND ISSUES

2.2 The narrative construction of the personal past and its implications

CHAPTER 4: NARRATIVES OF CHILDHOOD CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

4.1 Zim’s narrative: Survival and the struggle for freedom 234.2 Anna’s story: Self-healing and reconstructing identity 31

4.4 Bob’s narrative: On the making of a gentleman 424.5 Kougaku’s narrative: A story of masculine love 48

References

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

1.1 Background of the study

More than 75% of parents in the world use corporal punishment at least regularly,although they do not perceive this as the main technique of child discipline (Ember &Ember, 2005; Levinson, 1989) As a country with a long history of Confucianism in itspre-modern societies, Vietnam also witnessed corporal punishment as “the most acceptedform” of child discipline (Mestechkina, Son & Shin, 2021) To illustrate, 73.9 percent ofchildren aged 2 to 14 were reported to have experienced aggressive “discipline” at home(including physical punishment and/or psychological aggression) (General StatisticsOffice of Vietnam, 2011) while a small mixed methods study conducted in 2004 in Hanoidiscovered that parents still approved of the use of corporal punishment and stated thattheir own childhood experience of corporal punishment justified the effectiveness ofcorporal punishment (CSAGA, 2004)

Notably, radical changes in public perceptions of corporal punishment has beenbrought about thanks to the introduction of Western humanist values (i.e democracy,gender equality, and liberty) into the Vietnamese monarchic society (Nguyen, 2016); andthe revolutions in modernizing Vietnam pioneered by a group of Westernized Vietnameseintellectuals and writers known as the Tự Lực Văn Đoàn (Self-Reliance Pen Club) in the1930s Certain traditional systems of thinking and behaviors were fiercely protestedagainst such as patriarchy and hierarchy, which brought about remarkable changes inmost social relationships, especially in the home Meanwhile, the child was steeredtowards more autonomy and liberty Before these progressive movements, the child had alot of filial duties, which involved respecting his parents no matter what

In support of these movements, in her book Giao duc Nhi dong (1942), Dam

Phuong Nu Su was on the frontier to criticize using corporal punishment as a childrearingtechnique and propose alternative non-violent techniques However, when the childrepeatedly conducted a serious mistake with full awareness and intention, Dam Phuong

Nu Su believed that child could be physically punished She called corporal punishment

in this case “a bitter remedy” (Dam Phuong, 1942, p.19) that parents had to use as the lastresort She also offered instructions on how parents should physically punish their child.First, it was important that parents punish their child in a private space where no onecould make fun of the child or come to the rescue During the punishment, parents shouldonly give their child several whippings in a calm and rational manner; and under nocircumstances should they verbally disparage their child Instead, they had to explain whycorporal punishment was used and that they were heart-broken to give their child such “abitter remedy” After the punishment, the child should be left on their own for a whileuntil he or she came back to their senses At that point, parents could require their child to

be in a private space and ask whether the child acknowledged their wrongdoing If thechild showed sincere remorse, parents should express affection for him or her.Apparently, corporal punishment was perceived by Dam Phuong Nu Su to be detrimental;yet, it could still be used from time to time to discipline the child as the last resort

A robust body of previous literature has shown, through statistical means, thatcorporal punishment is ineffective and even harmful (Douglas, 2006; Ripoll-Núñez &Rohner, 2006; Lansford et al., 2014) The common findings suggest that corporalpunishment can be associated with negative outcomes in terms of the child’spsychological, cognitive, and physical well-being (Burgess, 1979; Fergusson & Lynskey,1997; Levendosky & Graham-Bermann, 2000; Durrant 2003, 2005, 2007; Gershoff 2002,2008; Gershoff et al., 2010; Appleton & Stanley, 2011; Lansford et al., 2012; Durrant &Ensom, 2012) To elaborate, a large-scale study conducted in Canada (MacMillan et al.,1999) suggested a link between spanking in childhood and psychiatric disorders inadulthood Others found a variety of mental health issues associated with the use of

corporal punishment including depression, sadness, anxiety, feelings of despair, drug andalcohol abuse, and general psychological maladjustment (Green, 1983; Giles-Sims et al.,1995; Gonzalez et al., 2008); cognitive erosion and decrease on academic performance(Larzelere 1996, 2000; Paolucci & Violato, 2004; Lazelere & Kuhn, 2005; Lansford etal., 2005) However, other papers found few or no negative effects that corporalpunishment can exert on its receiver (Paolucci & Violato, 2004)t Based on these studies’inconsistent results, as well as conclusions from other researchers reflecting bothbeneficial (Kobayashi-Winata & Power, 1989) and detrimental (Ferguson & Power,1989) impacts of corporal punishment, apparently exact assumptions about the trueoutcomes of physical punishment are circumscribed and pending.

The growing body of research associating physical punishment with detrimentallong-term effects has influenced public opinions of the practice in Vietnam, along withthe growth in developing models of positive discipline that are built upon nonviolent andpractical conflict resolution However, the continued use of corporal punishment in thename of love and guidance has caused it to be one of the most controversial parentingtechniques both globally and in Vietnam This suggests more complexities than whatlegalistic and scientific discourses generally assume

of being physically punished These factors can be the historical, cultural, relational orthe very personal characteristics of each person throughout their growing up To bridgethis gap, this research uses narrative inquiry to examine the life stories of young adultswho have undergone physical punishment in their childhood years, and looks into how

they reconcile these experiences by making sense of past events as well as their adultselves By doing this, this paper contributes to the field of childhood studies that lacks thevoices of people who once experienced corporal punishment and positions the matter ofcorporal punishment in a network of connections.

1.2 Statement of the Research Problem and Research Questions

For young adults who were physically punished in their childhood, if theirexperiences are merely viewed as an indispensable and normal part of growing up orsomething corresponding to the conventional customs of living, their attitudes towardscorporal punishment and how they have come to reconcile or make sense of the conflicts

of intimacy will be made oversimplified, or worse, unheard Thus, the experiences ofcorporal punishment should not be viewed as an independent phenomenon from thehistorical and cultural context where it happened and also as an event of the past, whichinfers that what happened to someone at some point has nothing to do with who they arenow Instead, corporal punishment and its discourse should be acknowledged as part ofthe parent-child dynamics; and how each person perceives their experiences of beingcorporally punished contributes to the nuances of their relationships with the parentalfigures The differentials of culture, family background, access to different resources such

as education or information of each person lead to these relationship nuances beingdiscursive rather than reduced to a generalization of meanings

This study delves into the life stories of young people who have experiencedcorporal punishment at some points in their journey of growing up and finds out themeanings that they have made out of their experiences Within the constraints of thisstudy, I set out to examine a few life stories in which the aim is not to draw out universalmeanings of corporal punishment, but rather personal, contextualized, and distinctnarrative in which each person made sense of their own experiences The construction of

these narratives is an on-going project throughout each participant’s life; and thus, should

be viewed as an open-ended story rather than an end-product of a certain stage of life

1.3 Theoretical perspective and Mode of Inquiry

This study’s theoretical perspective is post-structuralism, which, according toHutchinson and Wilson (1994, p 302), “refuses appeals to epistemological absolutes andembraces the wisdom of a multiplicity of positions acknowledging the contradictionsimplicit in them and accommodating ambiguity” Moreover, post-structuralism is in itsvery nature to raise questions about the constitution of selves, and the spatial andtemporal changes in the relationship of power and knowledge in the context of differentpolitical, social and cultural contexts

From a post-structural perspective, the idea of discourse is a means to comprehendwhat resources are available to individuals, which they employ to make sense of theworld and themselves in that world In the meaning-making process of corporalpunishment, it is important to understand meaning as “not fixed, but as historically andculturally specific” (Saussure, 1982) However, the meanings of some discourses ofcorporal punishment tend to be more prevalent than others, and the same discourses can

be taken up differently by individuals This can be explained by the relation betweenpower and discourse, which more or less follows the view of Foucault about discourseand power Some discourses have more power to exist than others because they arereiterated by those who are more powerful than others

I believe the matter of corporal punishment is very intimate and personal, andsometimes cannot be clarified from a quantitative or bound-by-law approach This isbecause the experiences of physical punishment touch on familial relationships, familyties of filial piety and obligations, and views of self With that being said, studying theexperiences of corporal punishment is “studying people, observing their lived

experiences, and trying to understand their life, and narratives come closer torepresenting contexts and integrity of those lives than do questionnaires and graphs”(Freeman, 1997, 1998a, p 198) Thus, this study employs narrative inquiry as a mode ofinquiry, which aims to understand “how people cope with exceptional, difficult, andtransforming crises in their lives, how they invent new ways of speaking when old waysfail them, how they make the absurd sensible and the disastrous manageable, and howthey turn calamities into gifts.” (Bochner, & Riggs, 2014, p 196)

1.4 Significance of the study

In writing this paper, my aim is to seek out the detail-rich stories of young peopleexperiencing corporal punishment in their childhood with special attention to how theyreconstruct their identity and what kind of narrative techniques they use when retellingtheir life stories Each of these stories is placed in its own contexts and relationships, andthus, revealing the complex meanings of corporal punishment that intervene in theoftentimes oversimplified discourses of scientific research More importantly, this paperalso contributes to the field of childhood studies through its use of adult narratives aboutchildhood experience and its focus on the Vietnamese context Last but not least, thisstudy also helps me to reflect on my own lived experiences, wrap up what I am unable tochange in the past and move on with what I can change in the future

1.5 Structure of the study

There are six chapters in this study Chapter 1 offers an introduction to theresearch problem followed by Chapter 2, which reviews major background issues.Chapter 3 shows how the inquiry was conducted while Chapter 4 presents the collectednarratives of childhood corporal punishment Chapter 5 discusses the matter of corporalpunishment in light of both theoretical and personal grounds before the limitations of thestudy and implications for future research are suggested in Chapter 6

CHAPTER 2: BACKGROUND ISSUES

2.1 The discourses on corporal punishment

Regarding legalistic discourse, the Vietnamese government has endeavored toensure children’s safety through legislative protections To elaborate, Vietnam was amongthe very first countries in the world to sign the United Nations Convention on the Rights

of the Child in 1990, and the Government of Viet Nam has also issued many regulations

in protecting children from exploitation and harm Among these regulations, The ChildProtection, Care and Education Law, passed in 1991 and revised in 2004, is the mostcrucial legal document protecting children’s rights and demonstrating the obligations ofparents or caregivers Specifically, Article 24, which clarifies the responsibility forchildcare and nurture, parents and caregivers are in charge of ensuring “a regime ofnutrition suitable to children's physical and mental development according to their agegroups”, “setting good examples for children in all aspects”; “building their respectivefamilies into wealthy, equal, progressive and happy ones, thus creating a healthyenvironment for comprehensive development of children” (Law on Child Protection,Care and Education, No 25/2004/QH11 of June 15, 2004) While more attention hasbeen drawn on the rights of children, there are no clear statements regulating the use ofphysical punishment in the home, and the methods parents and caregivers can use todiscipline their children

With respect to scientific domain, the practice of corporal punishment has beenseverely condemned by social scientists for the physical, emotional and cognitive harms

it can exert Though some studies have shown that the effect of corporal punishment on

“the negative outcomes of externalizing, internalizing behaviors and low cognitiveperformance” may be marginal (Ferguson, 2013, p.174), the consequences of corporalpunishment are tangible in many groups of people For example, research conducted withseveral groups of White, middle-class participants indicates negative developmental

outcomes associated with corporal punishment, which include “accidental injuries; lack

of self-esteem; physical changes to the developing brain and body as a result of traumaand stress; mental health issues such as depression and anxiety; poor emotional andphysical development; smoking, drinking alcohol or drug use; disruption to education;difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships” (Gershoff, & Bitensky, 2007,pp.231-272) Besides, corporal punishment is also associated with an eroded quality ofparent-child relationship (Gershoff, 2002; Gershoff, 2010; Gershoff & Bitensky, 2007;Mulvaney & Mebert, 2010; Renk et al., 2007) For instance, children report feelingestranged from their parents after being physically punished This is because children aremotivated to avoid painful experiences or agents, they will learn to avoid or distrust theirparents because they are the perpetrators of painful physical punishments (R.D., 1977).Children who shun their parents will have a harder time developing sentiments ofintimacy with them, and without those feelings, they will be less susceptible to theirparents' good socializations (R.D., 1977) Another findings supporting the negativeimpacts of corporal punishment is children’ aggression (Gershoff, 2010) In particular,adults who remember experiencing more corporal punishment from their parents reportmore verbal and physical aggressiveness with their spouses or dating partners This isbecause they learnt as children that they can compel others to do what they want by usingviolence and force This is supported by a number of studies that show that people whowere physically disciplined as children are more likely to commit violence against theirown family members as adults (Gershoff, 2010)

Concerning the effects found with Vietnamese participants, a study conducted on agroup of children aged 7 to 14 found that the participants suffer considerable physical,emotional and academic consequences, yet they have limited resources to rely on whendealing with it (CSAGA, 2014) On the contrary, there are studies that find few to nonegative impacts of corporal punishment For example, the effects of corporalpunishment on the youth’s cognitive, affective, and behavioral growth were investigated

by Paolucci and Violato (2004) However, the researchers only included studies that

described corporal punishment (spanking) as a type of non-abusive or customary type ofpunishment inflicted by a caregiver Their findings indicate that this form of disciplinehas only minor behavioral and affective consequences.

Corporal punishment can be associated with different meanings across cultures;therefore, it is vital to place the discourse of corporal punishment in its specific social,cultural, or historical contexts

In Japan, corporal punishment (taibatsu) can mean “guidance” or “discipline”, but

it can also mean sitting in seiza, holding water buckets for a long time or even attendingmoral lessons, which the students may not want to (Miller, 2010) This can be boileddown to Japanese parents’ expectations to “realistically strengthen students, not shelterthem, in anticipation of the future tasks that students will face” (K Letendre & ErwinFukuzawa, 2001, p 93) Another context in which discipline manifests itself throughother types of punishment is the ritualization of particular behaviors For instance,cleaning or in other words, “forced” labor is implicated in ritualizing daily habits ratherthan used as an explicit punishment In this context, cleaning is perceived as a

“preventative maintenance” as it is to clean the “mind”, while corporal punishment isoften considered “a cure for bad behaviors” (Miller, 2010) In the context of sports,corporal punishment was associated with strengthening the “fighting spirit, guts, andwillpower” of the players (Miller, 2010) However, the meanings of corporal punishmentcan be complicated when it reflects nuances of child abuse In particular, the term

“taibatsu” has been mainly used to depict a parent or a relative ‘abusing’ his or herchildren at home in contemporary Japan (Miller, 2010)

On the contrary, the practice of corporal punishment carries embedded values ofreligion and culture in the context of Jamaican families In particular, there are diversemeanings Jamaicans attribute to corporal punishment and the lived experiences of its use

in the Jamaican family Advocates for corporal punishment expressed their thoughts on

the merits of the practice, citing biblical verses to back up their claims (Burke &Sutherland, 2014) Such biblical verses go as: “He that spares his rod hates his son, but hethat loves him chasten him betimes – Proverbs 13:24; Withhold not correction from thechild but if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die Thou shall beat him with therod and deliver his soul from hell – Proverbs 23:13, 14 Besides, the use of corporalpunishment goes beyond the interest of children when it reflects parents’ protection ofcultural identity For some Jamaican parents, they believed that they were entitled todiscipline their children in the way they saw fit Any interference with this right, as well

as offers of other ways that they saw as indoctrinating and culturally imposed, wererejected by advocates (Burke & Sutherland, 2014) Participants in a study conducted byBurke & Sutherland (2014) expressed concerns about the country being pushed to acceptdisciplining practices that are primarily imported from Western countries during thediscussion on corporal punishment For some Jamaicans, the significance of their culturallegacy is highlighted by this concern Therefore, they resist abandoning corporalpunishment as a way to protect their cultural identity

In the case of Vietnam, the discourse on corporal punishment as a child-rearingtechnique is exuberant For instance, the expression “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is auniversal advice when it comes to disciplining the child To elaborate, this saying hasbeen “attributed to an advisor to the king of Assyria in the 7th century BCE and mayhave been the source of Proverbs 13:24, “He that spareth the rod hateth his son: But hethat loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Pinker, 2011, p 450) The French also advised:

“Better to beat your child when small than to see him hanged when grown.” In the case ofVietnam, the saying “Thương cho roi, cho vọt” has also been a prevalent child-rearingbelief for centuries (Cappa & Dam, 2013) Conventionally, children are expected to obeytheir parents and if parents love their children they must hand their children the “whip oflove” (Segal, 2000; Emery, Nguyen & Kim, 2013) Before the twentieth century inVietnam, most of the discourses of corporal punishment can be found in poetry or statelaws Due to influences of Confucianism, corporal punishment was associated with

“discipline” and “training” For example, Đặng Huy Trứ wrote in his poem Cổ huấn nữ

His limbs are getting faraway”

Or in Huấn nữ ca, a parenting advice goes as:

"Những lời tục tiểu nhớp nhơNghe con nói đến roi quơ sửa liền"

(Nguyễn Trãi)

“Those dirty words you say

I use the whip to make it right.”

In Gia huấn ca written by Nguyễn Trãi in the fifteenth century, there is a parenting

advice that says:

“Dạy từ thuở hãy còn trứng nước,

Yêu cho đòn bắt chước lấy người,

Trình thưa, vâng dạ, đứng ngồi,

Gái trong kim chỉ, trai ngoài bút nghiên.”

(Nguyễn Trãi)

“Educate the child since its earliest days

Imitate the ancestors to whip the child for loveAbout their speaking manners, their postures

So girls master embroidery, boys win academia.”

The discourse on corporal punishment can also be found in a poem of NguyễnĐăng Tấn:

"Dẫu bây giờ bố mẹ - đôi khi

Có nặng nhẹ yêu thương và giận dỗi

Có roi vọt khi con hư và dốiThương yêu con đâu đồng nghĩa với chiều."

“Even though we, parents, stillGet frustrated and upset sometimesWhen you misbehave, there’s the whip of loveLove has no place for your indulgence.”

The discourse of corporal punishment can also be found intertwined within thediscourse of cultural concepts such as filial piety This concept is oftentimes implicated inthe realm of authoritarianism, which is one of the core bases of Confucianism Toestablish and maintain this authoritarianism, filial piety was employed as the principalinstrument (Slote & De Vos, 1998) This instrument steered the child to be obedient andrespectful towards their parents, which can be illustrated by the adage “The fish withoutsalt must be rotten and a child who does not obey his parents must be a bad one” If thechild resisted, he was considered to lack filial piety for “disobeying one's grandparents orparents” (Le Code: Quoc Trieu Hinh Luat, art 2) Another way to interpret the concept offilial piety is that when children were being physically punished, they had to endure itand not to run away If they failed to withstand the punishment, they could be perceived

as weak or even unable to fulfill their filial duty (Cima, 1943) In contemporary Vietnam,although corporal punishment is still employed as the last resort to discipline children, the

cultural meanings that are often associated with it such as filial piety, have been losingtheir grounds

In addition, there is a blurring line between corporal punishment and child abuse.Some researchers distinguish between what they refer to as “normal” physicalpunishment, such as a painful slap on the backside of a child, and more extreme physicalpunishment Others contend that ‘natural’ physical discipline requires harsh reactions,such as hitting children with implements (Gershoff, 2002b) Choosing a threshold ofwhen “reasonable” physical punishment stops and child abuse starts is complicated andvalue-laden for those who do not consider mild physical punishment to be abusive, andthat explains why “the distinction between legitimate corporal punishment and childabuse is, at best, blurry” (Freeman, 1994, p 21) Thus, the limits where corporalpunishment is identified as a tool for disciplining the child are up to being challenged,redefined and reinterpreted

2.2 The narrative construction of the personal past and its implications for adult identity

Remembering as socially constructed

Italian philosopher Giambattista Vico (1668-1744) provided one of the earliestconstructivist accounts of memory Vico categorized memory into three different aspects:memory as memory itself (memoria), memory as imagination (fantasia), and memory asinvention (ingegno) The first emphasizes memory’s power to recall items that are notcurrently present, and therefore to materialize in the present what is considered part of thepast Memory as memoria emphasizes the mind’s capacity to bring events from the pastinto the present Memory as fantasia, on the other hand, demonstrates how reconstructionstarts at the moment of perception For Vico, objects cannot be grasped on their own butare reordered in terms that are personal, and their recollection should represent thisprimal reconstruction As a result, memory is contingent on the malleable network of

meanings it is translated into “Remembering an experience means re-understanding theexperience,” as Reiser, Black, and Kalamarides (1986) put it (p 119) As a result, thisaspect of memory as innovation emphasizes that recall is partially dependent oncomprehension, and that developmental changes in comprehension will inevitably affectautobiographical recollection (Fitzgerald, 1986; Fivush, 1988; Nelson, 1988).

As memories are multifaceted, fluid, and contextually bound (Conway &Pleydell-Pearce, 2000), reconstruction of memories are thus highly elastic (Davies &Harre, 1990) When this reconstruction is bound within a social context, such as in aconversation, re-telling one’s autobiographical memories often involves a sociallyconstructed recollection of past events To elaborate, when memories are retold inconversations, they are oftentimes the joint product of both the speaker and the listener.This coconstruction has an impact on both the events that are discussed and theinterpretive comments, facts, and emotions that are associated with the event Thespeaker’s enduring characteristics such as gender, cultural background, personalitydirectly influence how they recall past events Besides, the reconstruction of past eventscan also be influenced by their current self-views and beliefs Albert (1977) suggestedthat people are more likely to recall past events that are consonant with their currentself-views; thus, they can omit some part of memories when talking about an experienceand interpret selective events in ways consistent with their own beliefs The speaker’sgoals in conversations with different listeners can also shape what and how past eventsare recalled For instance, people remember specific memories in private to help specificself-views, control feelings, or achieve identity-related goals In conversation, people canremember specific experiences to create or sustain familiarity with their listeners, as well

as to present or construct a particular self-image in relation to that listener To maintain apositive view of their relationship, people can selectively recall events (Karney &Coombs, 2000; Murray & Holmes, 1993, 1994) Finally, people may use their memories

of past events to help them choose priorities or solve problems (Pasupathi, Lucas, &Coombs, 2001; Pillemer, 1998)

With respect to listeners, the way they show discord with details, completespeakers’ sentences, explicitly express boredom, disapproval or disinterest can alsoinfluence the recollection of past events Speakers’ expecting the presence of a listener orhow that listener behaves during a conversation can both influence speakers’conversational remembering (Clark, 1996) It is intriguing that merely anticipatingspeaking with others will affect the encoding of memories (Guerin & Innes, 1989;Zajonc, 1960) People who plan to talk about their experiences with others can encodethem with more coherence, structure, and detail Thus, before joining a conversation,listeners already exert their influence Besides, the inclusion of a past event in aconversation can also be impacted by nonverbal behaviors of the listener (Krauss & Chiu,1998) From the insignificance of incidents (Rime, 1995) to the past events’ beingdistressing or socially unacceptable are both reasons for not talking about them (Wegner

& Lane, 1995) or the listener’s expected disinterest or disapproval can render in somememories being excluded from the conversation Thus, the coconstruction of thespeaker’s past extends implicitly to those events that are not mentioned or left unsaid.Once an event is included in the talk, listeners provide a unique context for rememberingthat is distinct from other contexts in which more opinions, appraisals, and summaries areelicited Notably, listeners’ personal characteristics also shape the kinds of stories that areelicited Take gender and expertise for examples Both men and women show apreference for women as recipients of disclosure, especially emotional disclosure, andthis preference is explicitly displayed in early adolescence (Pasupathi, Lucas & Coombs,2001)

Narrative, identity, and narrative identity

The way people tell their stories is not linear, rather, it is an ongoing process asthey come to make sense of their stories (Brockmeier, 2002) Thus, doing research innarrative identity means adopting a life-long developmental outlook on personality This

outlook embraces biological and cognitive changes, the needs of specific life stages, aswell as historical and generational influences as they all conspire to make any individual'sstory a fluid and evolving work in progress In constructing such a progressive narrative,the roots of life-story making and telling play a vital role These roots can be found back

in early childhood (Fivush, 1994), and projected forward to the final years of one’s life(Kenyon, 1996) However, some researchers argue that adults’ attempts to recollectchildhood memories can be entangled with false memories (Ceci et al., 1994; Loftus andPickrell, 1995; Hyman and Pentland, 1996; Jones, 2003); or they can reconfigure realmemories to help them grapple with the remnants of an unhappy childhood Confrontingthis untrustworthiness of adults’ framing of childhood memories, and the unbridgeabilitybetween the worlds of adult and child, Bachelard proposes that it is “the psychologicalmemory–imagination mixture” that matters rather than the accuracy of factualinformation (Bachelard, 1969, p 119) To elaborate, the history of facts, events, andprecision is “refracted through the lenses of imperfect memory and weakly constrainedimagination” (Philo, 2003) In sum, though adults are unable to reflect on childhoodthrough the lens of a child, adults can remember and interpret their memories ofchildhood thanks to an admixture of recollections of past events and imagination

People definitely own their past, but the contents of their autobiographicalmemories can be influenced by other people or other contextual factors When one tellstheir stories of past experiences to oneself and others, these stories may be used for avariety of purposes, including interpersonal bonding, moral lessons or amusement.However, one of the most crucial tasks they perform is shaping one’s identity as the lifestories reveal something about himself to him and his listeners (Neisser, 1988) In otherwords, individuals' narratives are founded on an existing repertory of cultural narrativesderived from myth, fable, literature, popular entertainment, and ethnic family history thatshape the meaning-making parameters of their life Their personal narratives, or

‘‘narrative identities," anchor them in their culture, bringing their past, present, andpredicted future together Each new chapter in the ongoing life story provides an

opportunity for people to better understand where they fit in the world and what movesthem closer or further away from the goals they want Therefore, the ways in which onereconstruct their memories has the power to shape their own past and their identity(Pasupathi, 2001).

Identity is a life story (McAdams, 1985, 2011), as identity takes the form of a storywith characters, scenes, setting, plot, and themes People in modern societies begin torecreate their personal pasts, interpret the present, and foresee the future in terms of aninternalized and expanding self-story, an integrative narrative of self that gives modernlife some unity and direction in late adolescence and young adulthood Clearly, lifestories are built on autobiographical facts, but they go remarkably beyond factualinformation as people selectively appropriate aspects of their experience andimaginatively construe both past and future to create stories that make sense to them and

to their audiences, that animate and integrate life and make it more or less meaningful Inthese stories, certain episodes are selected to demonstrate a specific theme of one’s life(Singer & Salovey, 1993) or are ruled out due to the rejection of the audiences (Linde,1993) Thus, life stories grow over time, and becomes a core component of what definesthe person's individuality (McAdams, 2001) What is of more importance is how adultsuse their life narrative to make sense of their own identity Throughout adulthood, thedesire to rewrite one’s life story in light of new experiences and new audiences remains asource of transition or stability One can rewrite his life stories based on his own reactions

as well as the reactions of his audiences to enable improvement (McAdams, 1993) or bestuck in his current identities (W B Swann, 1996) In conclusion, the life story is a facet

of identity that is specifically subject to coconstruction and continuity stresses, and itdirectly provides the possibility of stability (keeping the same events, interpretations, andthemes) or transition (changing the events, interpretations, and themes)

As a result, talking about past experiences in conversation is a mechanism bywhich we maintain or bring about change in our identities at multiple levels and through

multiple pathways Through this act, individuals gain a more secure and graceful footing

on life's road as they advance from story-telling to meaning-making towisdom-accumulation Learning and growing may entail accepting what has been lost orwill never be, yet this acceptance may allow for better long-term adjustment and moreprudent life choices, resulting in greater long-term satisfaction

CHAPTER 3: APPROACHING THE INQUIRY

Growing up in a typical lower middle-class family in Northern Vietnam, I wasalways taught to be good This notion of goodness was often brought to my sensesthrough corporal punishment Though I have turned out to be a decent human being who

is well socialized, I wonder if my experiences of corporal punishment are the maincontributors to the person I am today And even though my childhood has been memories

of bygone days, it still exposes me to great vulnerability whenever I reminisce aboutbeing beaten by my parents Thus, I feel the urge to make sense of the ambivalentfeelings rendered by the acts of corporal punishment and to understand the matter ofparenting from the perspectives of someone who experienced corporal punishment whenthey were young

In an attempt to find solaces from other people, I was bewildered to discover thatthose considered intelligent, talented, and well-known in many societies were also noexceptions to corporal punishment Beethoven, the musical genius, was known toundergo “harsh corporal punishment” inflicted on him by his music teacher, JohannKrengel at the Bonn Tirocinium (Wasiliewski, 1888, I, 33) Another famous writer of the20th century, Franz Kafka, was also physically punished by his father Noticeably, Kafkawas among the few exceptions of the contemporaries who had the courage to express hisdistress to his father in the famous letter “Letter to His Father” (Laszlo, 2017).Undoubtedly, Kafka and Beethoven were both distinguished individuals, so their lifestories got to be written down in history However, concerning the majority of humanbeings, their life stories have more or less faded with time, especially when it comes tothe lived experiences considered as within the norm at a certain point of time With thatsaid, I have set out to conduct this research to place young people’ lived experiences ofcorporal punishment in a context where they have the agency to make meanings out of

their being physically punished, and thus, providing a variety of perspectives tounderstand the phenomenon of corporal punishment.

In its fullest sense, narrative inquiry requires expanding the use of narrative simply

to tell stories, but to “an analytic examination of the underlying insights and assumptionsthat the story illustrates” (Bell, 1995, 1997a, 1997b; Golombek, 1998) Thus, narrativeinquiry emphasizes the acknowledgement that people make sense of their lives by thenarratives available to them, that stories are in constant restructuring in the light of newevents, and that stories are shaped by lifelong personal and communal narratives.However, it is important to identify the type of narrative inquiry used in this study.Polkinghorne (1995) divided narrative inquiry into two categories namely narrativeanalysis and analysis of narratives For the purpose of this study, narrative analysis isused to underline the lived experiences of young Vietnamese people who used to bephysically punished in their childhood and how they understand and make meaning ofthese experiences Besides, narrative analysis is also employed to introduce themarginalized voice of young people who once were children into the record; thus,endorsing and making their interests known, persons valued, and their particularitiesrespected

One of the most pivotal factors in approaching this inquiry is the process ofselecting the informants (Johnson & Rowlands, 2012) Though the pool of potentialparticipants is quite large in my case, my aim is to collect several life stories that reflectdifferent interpretations of corporal punishment and reveal individual process ofmeaning-making This is supported by Kvale (1996) in which he states that an emphasisshould be placed on the quality of the collected data rather than the quantity when itcomes to narrative inquiry Concerning the richness of data, I believe that my researchdata is adequate when it reaches saturation, which means when newly-fetched interviewdata fails to yield any new knowledge and only confirms or overlaps with existing data,

or when the interviewees have exhausted all the relevant stories to share (Suarez- Ortega,

2013) In particular, two of my participants experienced very traumatic episodes ofphysical punishment and adhered no values to them, while the other two foundthemselves grateful for being physically punished Moreover, one participant found theexperiences with corporal punishment neutral in the way it made an impact in her life.

As a narrative inquirer, it is essential to keep fidelity to the told stories As stated

by Blumenfeld-Jones (1995), while truth is what happened in a situation, fidelity is what

it means to the storytellers In other words, fidelity refers to the bond between the tellerand the listener (the researcher), which takes place by “honoring the told story andpreserving the value and dignity of the teller” (Kim, 2015, p.111) Therefore, the act ofretelling the story is incessantly engaged in interpretation supported by “thickdescription” (Geertz, 1983), with the hope that readers can take away something differentfrom their own experience With that said, it is important to make clear which voices are

in charge when writing up the research, as different perspectives will result in differentinterpretations

As the time commitment required to work with a participant is considerable, fiveparticipants were recruited To select research participants, I casted a wide nest At first, Iapproached participants from the pool of acquaintances who could provide anunderstanding of their experiences of corporal punishment, and later was introduced toother participants through mutual connections As a result, I was able to connect with tworesearch participants in my friend circles; was introduced to one participant by my family,and opportunistically connected with another two participants in an exchange program Ionce joined

The process of working with all five participants involves a life story interview, anin-depth, semi-structured interview about their perceptions and attitudes of experiencingcorporal punishment, and an interview reflecting on what their stories mean for them Interms of data, beside transcripts of interviews, texts such as diaries also give insight into

the participant’s life stories These interviews were recorded upon the consent of allparticipants for research purposes Besides, most of the interviews were conducted onlinedue to the COVID-19 pandemic, and only a few face-to-face interviews took place, often

in public spaces

With respect to potential ethical issues, I followed three ethical principlessuggested by Beauchamp and Walters when it comes to working with human persons

These principles include autonomy, which means self-regulation through “adequate

understanding”, freedom from manipulation, and “personal limitations” that forbid choice

(1989, p 28); beneficence, which shields research participants from being harmed and taken advantage of; and justice, which makes sure participants are treated fairly (1989, p.

32)

CHAPTER 4 NARRATIVES OF CHILDHOOD

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

In order to preserve anonymity, pseudonyms were used All of the quotations included inthis paper are verbatim

4.1 Zim’s narrative: Survival and the struggle for freedom

Zim, a young man in his twenties, is a cheerful and studious student at theUniversity of Posts and Telecommunications Institute of Technology based in Hanoi,Vietnam On my first meeting with Zim, it struck me as unimaginable that he comes from

a family milieu that is ridden with violence and brutal disparagement His narrativerecounted a culmination of events concerning his experiences of corporal punishment inhis home as they unfolded, and how these contributed to one of his most life-changingdecisions

Growing up, Zim is no stranger to fears His greatest fear is that of being beaten,sometimes, nearly to death Even now when his life has been more secure, this state ofmind still lingers Unlike the preaching of many motivational talks which claims fears areirrational and thus, should be crushed at all costs, Zim knows fears were his mostpowerful survival instinct throughout his early stages of life

Born to a poverty-stricken home in a small rural town, Zim was the firstborn of hisfather but the second child of his mother as she had another son from her previousmarriage The family of four lived in a house thatched from bamboo straw, which waslocated right next to the local market In this market, Zim’s parents worked asslaughtermen In the earliest memories of Zim, all he could recall of his father was theimage of a heavy alcohol addict who often physically and verbally abused his mother Forhim, he said: “I was too young to remember if I was beaten back then, but maybe thissuffocating life has made my Mom walk out on my Dad and left me with him when I was

not even 1 year old.” At that point, he made sense of this event as “predestined” andacquiesced to stay with his father.

After the departure of his mother, he and his father packed their things to move inwith his father’s younger brother’s family This period of sharing his daily life andphysical space with other relatives saw some rare moments of happiness for Zim Heremembered living in a small room adjoining the house, and he would look out thewindow to a terrace where he and his two cousins often had fun in the hollows whenever

it rained This was also the phase when going to school sparked up joy for Zim Everyday, his father would drive him on his motorbike to school, passing through the villagepathways embellished with green bushes At his primary school, he evinced a greatpassion for singing and dancing lessons, and very much loved to hang out with his femaleclassmates However, all of this did not mean Zim was living a good life Due to hisexhibition of feminine qualities such as having a soft voice, preferring music over mathand hanging out with his female classmates at school, Zim was mocked by hisclassmates This got worse as his music teacher at the time was the first to verbally bullyhim in front of the class, calling him “faggot” and “xăng pha nhớt” (“petrol mixed withdiesel”- a metaphor referring to homosexual people) He felt isolated at school anddreaded going home because “there would always be something, you know”

Zim’s father was a heavy drinker and whenever he was drunk, which happened on

a daily basis, Zim could see himself trembling with fear that he could be beaten for anyreason, or no reason at all “There would always be something” was just Zim’s foreseeinghis reality of having to endure endless episodes of corporal punishment One time when

he had just returned home from school, his drunk father raced over and grabbed himupside down by his legs, which was akin to someone holding a frog, and tried to hit hishead against the large chunks of rock right in front of his uncle’s house Zim recounted hewas lucky to have his uncle’s wife to intervene and save his life that day However, lucksometimes did not favor him one bit To avoid the physical pain inflicted on his body,Zim was constantly on the go As he needed a place to hide from his father, Zim often

asked for temporary shelter at his neighbors’; yet, as soon as his father had found him, hewas mercilessly battered His father would use anything in sight to beat him to the pointhis body was full of bruises Zim could only scream out loud in tears “Father, pleaseforgive me!”, “Mother, please help me!”, and “Grandma, please help me!” But all of thisseemed to only fuel his father’s drunken rage, which occasioned him to be more violentand aggressive towards Zim These incidents of beating would just stop once themuscular 40-year-old man became exhausted, leaving Zim sobbing in a wounded body.

He recalled: “It hurt only to breathe.” From an early age (4-5 years old), Zim was aware

of his impotence in a situation where he was the one his father placed all the blame on forevery problem Zim saw no one that could save him from these episodes of drunken rageand brutal violence: his grandmother was too old for a man in his forties, and his motherwas just a word he held on to in times of despair Thus, he was very obedient, subservientand docile Most importantly, he still had to act like nothing had happened between himand his father, while discreetly preparing his mentality for any unexpected episodes ofbeating coming He caught himself wondering if he had the strength and resilience it took

to live with someone he called “father” but felt like an enemy

After the marriage of Zim’s parents was annulled, his father married his third wife(Zim’s mother was the second wife) and had another son His father told Zim that thiswoman would “take care of the family” This marriage brought new changes to thefamily as well as Zim’s life After the marriage, his father quitted his job at a localslaughterhouse and became a motorbike driver Several years later, when Zim enteredgrade 7, they moved to a new house next to the most crowded market in town However,what happened inside that house had never changed As Zim wrote in his diary: “Mấy đờibánh đúc có xương/ Mấy đời dì ghẻ lại thương con chồng.” (“It is rare that bánh đúc hasbone/ so is stepmom loving her husband’s children.”) Right from the beginning, Zimexpected no affection from his stepmom, showing no emotions every time his fatherannouncing a new marriage Yet, he could not fathom how his stepmom would treat him.One time, when his stepmom asked Zim to cook the rice by firing up the bamboo straw,

he failed the task and rendered the house smoky The next thing he knew was a series ofpunches and shoving onto his ribs and back by his stepmom, with her middle fingerprotruding from her fist to make the punch more hurtful Minutes after, Zim foundhimself unable to breathe, and despite his very attempts to inhale, he felt like drowningwhen one was at their last breath: wanting to scream for help but there was no sound, andeven when he was screaming at the top of his lungs, no one was around to listen In thepanic to breathe, he could only think that: “If I stop trying now, I will die.” This thoughtkept him alive when confronting more occasions of this kind of physical punishmentthroughout the stay of this woman He was fully aware of his stepmom’s physical andmental abuse, however, he had no one to confide in or seek help from It is not that he didnot try, but everyone he asked for help tended to underrate his request at best anddownright turn him down at worst After many episodes of being physically punished forfailing his domestic tasks, he finally plucked up his courage to tell his aunt, who was hisfather’s older sister, about the cruelty and mistreatment of his stepmom Though his auntfelt sorry for him, she made no move as she thought it would be meddlesome to fix thesituation Until this day, whenever he reminisces about the time living with this stepmom,

he still feels suffocating and describes this period as “been to hell and back.” The fact thatZim was physically and mentally abused was no secret, even when he wanted to keep itall to himself The frequency that Zim got physically punished was so high that all hisclassmates and teachers from whichever school he attended were familiar with a boycalled Zim whose body and face were often covered with welts In some particularoccasions, Zim came to class with injuries still bleeding, plus his weak nature, oftenfainted in the middle of the lessons

Oftentimes the reasons for Zim’s being corporally punished were so trivial, andbecause of this reality, Zim was “tortured almost every day”, as cited from his diary.Overcooking something he was assigned to, mispronouncing a letter (in his case: theletter “S”), or accidentally spilling something could all lead to being brutally beaten Onone occasion, when he unintentionally spilled over 1 kilogram of sugar right the moment

his father dashed out of the house for a taxi order, he felt dead inside and wished hisfather had not seen the incident He had been mentally tormented until his father returnedhome He was already expecting physical punishment; yet, his father acted like nothinghad happened and even sat Zim down for a small talk At some point of that conversation,Zim was relentlessly punched by his father before he knew it Worse, his father flew outthe back garden to collect some broken stones, brought them inside and commanded Zim

to kneel on these stones Zim felt defenseless, and could not utter a single word beggingfor his father’s mercy However, one of the most “impressive” (Zim, cited in his diary)case of corporal punishment involved no violence, but a degrading act to his self-esteem.For some reasons that he could not recall, Zim was tied to the bedpost by a dog leash thathis father had specially bought for punishing him He was asked to go under the bed andbarked like a dog whenever someone entered the house The sole witness of this act thatday was Zim’s stepmom She was just observing the act and as usual, showed noemotions Yet, perhaps she had sensed the dangers that Zim’s father could do to her ownson, she quickly left his father soon after that day

With each departure of a woman, Zim’s father went back to the circle of alcohol,rumbling all day long, and torturing him physically and mentally Day after day, Zim’sfather drowned in alcohol and stopped working In the meantime, Zim had to tend forboth himself and his father regarding the basic needs, and sometimes his attempts broughtback nothing but rage and violence from his father He was constantly in a state ofalertness as he had to read his father’s capricious mood for not getting beaten Beingfinancially incapable at the age of 12, he got into debt to provide staples for the family.Soon after that, his reputation for being deep in debts blew up and no one wanted to sellhim anything As the last resort, he had recourse to asking his father for money Instead ofgiving him some money, his father took out a rod and continuously flogged him, yelling:

“Don’t you see I’m trying to take care of you? Don’t you love me? If you do, why ask mefor money?” And when Zim showed some resistance, his father tied his hands and feet,locked the front door, and started beating him with all his strength Zim tried to make

loud noises so that someone could hear him, but the neighbors ignored that and made nointervention While venting all his fury on Zim’s fragile body, his father kept on beingverbally demeaning to him by saying: “You are not my child”; “You are stupid like adog”; “Since tomorrow go pick some sh*t to eat.”; or “You should kill yourself.” Hurtful,tired, and having no tears left to cry, Zim only wished he could have died so that hewould not have to endure this torment any longer The physical pain would all pass,however, a feeling of revenge started to grow in him, knowing nobody could save him.

At the end of grade 7, some point after Tet holiday, Zim saved up some luckymoney However, that money disappeared one day when he hosted some friends comingover Bewildered, Zim informed his father of the unfortunate news and expected somekinds of whipping In contrast to his expectation, his father said nothing and went ontalking to a guest, who was present in the house at the time After the guest left, his fatherwent to bed while Zim went to the local market There he spotted a beggar, so he cameback home and sneaked out some food for the beggar as it was about dinner’s time When

he handed the beggar the food, she thanked him profusely, which made Zim feel over themoon Yet his joy was soon crushed when he returned home again and saw his fatheralready waiting for him with a stick in his hand Zim was terror-stricken, knowing whatwas going to happen He unconsciously started to walk backwards, begging his father:

“Father I’m sorry Please forgive me, I promise I will never do anything against your willagain.” Meanwhile, his father stood still and mumbled: “Zim, come over here I won’thurt you.” That was a mixed signal that his father was sending while holding a stick Yet,Zim knew he had to come closer to his father When he did, his father raced over to floghim constantly Facing such a threat, his survival instinct kicked in and he began to run.His father screamed his name, and said: “Zim, Zim, if you keep running, I will kill youright here.” Hearing that warning, Zim stopped running and lying down on the ground.Zim’s father ran over to him and kicked him in his elbows so that he could not move, andasked him to crawl to the road so that “cars will crush you to death.” A glimpse of deathflashed through Zim’s mind as he saw a truck coming from afar It was 2 a.m and

everything sunk in a quiet darkness He knew no one would come to save him The onlything he could do was to cry out so that the truck driver might notice and brake thevehicle Fortunately, the truck driver saw a moving creature lying on the road and stoppedthe car in time Due to the sudden brake slamming, some of the fish on the truck fell outright in front of Zim His father, in a cold-hearted manner, demanded that he ate thosefish alive Though he begged the driver for help, that man was just as helpless as him.Thus, he had to bite the fish and swallow it fresh When he was going for his fifth bite, acousin was awoken by the noise outside and went out to check When he recognizedZim’s faces, he flew right over and rescued Zim, later driving him to an acquaintance’splace for a quick shelter Shortly afterwards, Zim had to come back home as no one, whoknew about his situation, was willing to take him in This event traumatized him for days

on end, and he started developing a name-phobia: every time someone called his name,

in the invented stories by Zim’s father stating that Zim was unruly enough to beat hisfather The teacher, who was teaching Civic Education at the time, implying one of thestudents in Zim’s class had the guts to beat his own father Being too sentimental for onemoment, Zim stood up and downright denied: “Ms, you are not in my situation to judge.”

Then, the teacher smirked saying that: “Oh I am not talking about you, Zim” At thispoint, Zim was not able to hold back his tears anymore He ran out of the class, and burstout into tears.

One day at school, Zim got a call informing him that his beloved grandmother, theonly person who loved him and whom he had nothing but affection for, was in a criticalcondition The next thing Zim knew was him rushing out the school, riding his bike withall his life to the hospital Yet, when he arrived, it was too late: his grandmother had leftthis world He stood there in disbelief, tears streaming down his face “So the only personwho loves me is no longer here”, he wrote in his diary After this, he summoned all hisdetermination to run away from home, and started to take control of his life He left thesmall town he had spent his whole life one day in June, when he was in grade 11, andbroke off all contact with his father

Through a relative, Zim obtained his biological mother’s number, who was living

in the suburbs of Hanoi at the time He travelled to Hanoi and asked his mother to supporthim with his studying as he had no money to continue his education Opposite to hisexpectation, his mother turned him down immediately and advised him to take a manualjob to support himself Zim was heart-broken to hear that, and begged his mother to givehim one chance to go back to school in his hometown She finally gave in and agreed toprovide him with 500,000VND a month for his living expenses and education Eventhough the next few months of grade 12 had not been easy as he was renting a smallroom, living on his own, but he felt free and happy for being fully in charge of his life.His resilience and determination had moved his landlord, and he was not charged onepenny for the time he spent there Thanks to the landlord’s kindness, he could save somemoney for extra classes All of this had contributed to his flying colors in the universityentrance exam the year after when he was accepted into the University of Posts andTelecommunications Institute of Technology in Hanoi In the same year, he also got anannual $1000 scholarship from the Vietseeds Foundation, which has helped himtremendously throughout his college years

At the present, Zim is in his final year at college Thanks to the Vietseedscommunity, Zim has found many people coming from the same background as his, andreceived tremendous support from these people In the past, he used to hold a big grudgefor his father, saying “I wish I did not have a father.” Yet, through the intellectual andspiritual journeys he has been making, he has stopped making judgments about his father

as a person He still considers his father “a father”, however, he has no desire to live withhis father one more time Though he has never held a serious conversation with his father,which is long enough for some small talks, he believes the underlying reason for hisfather’s hatred and aggression towards him is that he is not his father’s biological son Infact, this belief of Zim’s father is incorrect, however, as his father loathes his mother forhaving left him, he has always used it to deny his responsibilities as a father figure and tojustify his beatings of Zim To this day, despite remaining no estranged to his father, Zimfinds it implausible to rekindle the relationship with his father because there is no “cosyfeeling” when he thinks about the word “home” His father still deems what he did toZim was righteous, and Zim deserved what happened to him For Zim, he has no longerfelt scared when talking to his father, and even reached out to exchange his views on hisfather's wrongdoings in the past However, his father refused to listen, and always foundexcuses to justify himself

Zim told me that his decision to run away has been the most life-changing eventfor him, and all the submission and compliance before were the best he could do at thattime Even though the pain and obsession of being physically injured have ingrained onthe back of his mind, he felt thankful for his past for making him the man who he istoday: confident, self-reliant, and resilient

4.2 Anna’s story: Self-healing and reconstructing identity

Anna’s narrative describes her experiences with corporal punishment, which areviewed through her roles as a daughter, sister and mother from her childhood years untilher coming of age Anna, born in 1994, is now working as a foreign laborer in Taiwan

Due to her busy schedule, all of my interviews with her were conducted at night time,laced with the clattering of Anna’s washing the dishes while talking to me.

As the first child of an impoverished family residing in a rural area of Thanh Hoaprovince, Anna is sister to two siblings She soon shouldered the responsibility of tending

to her siblings at a very young age as her mother, the main caregiver, was always busykeeping the food on the table Meanwhile, her father was an alcoholic who paid littleattention to his family In Anna’s mind, her father was no different than “a monster” aswhenever he was drunk, he would try to hit and assault everyone in the family Thus, hishabit of binge drinking and the entailed episodes of violence had gradually scared Annaaway from her father

The first occasion of being corporally punished was still engraved on Anna’smemory She had just turned 6 at that time, and was completely aware of her family’sfinancial status While her mother ran a grain-milling business at home, whichinadvertently made her the sole breadwinner, Anna’s father was a compulsive player ofthe Chinese chess to the extent that he stopped working and drowned himself in alcoholwhenever he lost a game Acknowledging her mother’s hard labor, Anna learned not toask for anything more than the basic necessities This meant fancy clothes or new toyswere nothing but luxuries for Anna Yet, on her 6th birthday, Anna’s mother bought her anew pair of slippers as a birthday present Needless to say, Anna was exhilarated until sherealized her new gift could be dispossessed at any time by her younger sister Thus, thislurking threat motivated Anna to hide her present behind the curtains so that her sisterwould be kept in the dark Unfortunately, the hiding place soon escaped Anna’s mind asshe was trying to look for that pair of slippers a few days later When Anna’s father heardthe story, he accused her of being so careless that she must have left those slipperssomewhere outside the house At the moment of recounting this story, Anna could notrecall her justification when being confronted by her father, but she still rememberedwhat she had to go through After a futile inquiry with Anna, in which her father repeatedthe question “Where did you leave those slippers?” again and again, he made Anna take

off all her clothes, and flogged her with a stick while going around the village to find theslippers Walking around with a naked body, she showed no resistance but remainedsilent with tears streaming down her face In the end, Anna and her father quitted thesearch and returned home empty-handed She was then consoled by her mother and someneighbors, but was in the depths of despair as she associated losing that gift withsquandering an enormous amount of money Though the physical pain dissipated withtime, the fact of being naked exposed her to great vulnerability and shame in many years

to come

Anna’s life took a turn when in grade 3, her father committed a crime and ranaway from home Being sought after as a fugitive, he left his family behind withoututtering a single word Upon hearing this news, Anna’s mother was so shattered that shecould barely work Nonetheless, she was even more broken-hearted to witness herchildren struggling just to survive Several months after the departure of Anna’s father,Anna’s mother made up her mind and filed for a divorce She showed up at the court withthe absence of her husband, and successfully pleaded her case With the advent of thelabor export movement, Anna’s mother applied for a job as a housekeeper in Taiwan.This decision resulted in Anna and her two younger siblings’ moving in with Anna’sgrandmother Upon her departure, Anna’s mother entrusted their children to the care anddiscipline of Anna’s grandmother and the nearby relatives during her time being away.This event marked a new chapter in Anna’s upbringing as she started to experiencecollective corporal punishment executed by many of her relatives

The years spent with her grandmother added up one after another as the time forAnna’s mother to come back home kept moving out At some point where Anna was ingrade 7, her mother announced that she would remarry and hence become a legalTaiwanese resident From that day onwards, Anna’s mother was only able to pay briefvisits to Vietnam to see her children When Anna entered grade 8, her mother came back

to Vietnam with a large amount of money, which was to finance the daily expenses,tuition fees and healthcare expenditure of her children When her mother was not present,