Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirement for the degree of bachelor of arts english teacher education faculty

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES Faculty of English Language Teacher Education GRADUATION PAPER AN ANALYSIS OF GENERIC STRUCTURE POTENTIALS

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES

Faculty of English Language Teacher Education

GRADUATION PAPER

AN ANALYSIS OF GENERIC STRUCTURE POTENTIALS OF SUCCESSFUL APPLICATION ESSAYS INTO HARVARD

UNIVERSITY UNDER THE TOPIC PASSION

SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENT FOR

THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR OF ARTS (ENGLISH TEACHER EDUCATION FACULTY)

Supervisor: Pham Thi Thanh Thuy (M.A.) Student: Dang Minh Tam

Hanoi, 05/2020

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I wish to express my sincere appreciation for my supervisor, Ms Pham Thi Thanh Thuy, who encouraged me to delve deeper to figure what truly interested me and persistently guided me in the way to find the answer Her thought-provoking questions and professional support have enhanced my professionalism and motivated me to follow on a research-based career path I am truly grateful for her incredible supervision throughout the creation of this paper I cannot thank her enough for days and nights spent on guiding, reminding, correcting and suggesting me

I would also like to extend my thank to my beloved family and friends who acknowledged my audacity to pursue the thesis and were my rock in times of confusion and crisis I would not have been that mentally strong without them

The process to conducting this paper has shed light on my exploration of what interested me, equipped me with valuable thinking tools, and given me confidence to pursue academia I have grown as a junior researcher and as a person Thank you all who have given me such a wonderful chance

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CONTENTS PREFACE

1 Background of the study

2 Rationale of the study

3 Statement of the problem

4 Significance of the study

5 Scope of the study

6 Definition of “Passion”

CHAPTER II: LITERATURE REVIEW

1 Genre and genre analysis

2 Two main approaches to genre analysis

CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY

1 Data collection

2 Data analysis

CHAPTER IV: DISCUSSION

Question 1: Obligatory elements

1.a Introductory hook

1.b Self-reflection or Grit

1.c Detail orientation

1.d Intrinsic motivation

1.e Humility

1.f Sense of pride and confidence

Question 2: Optional elements

5.1 Summary of the study and the findings

5.2 Limitations and suggestions for further research

Introductory hook Analogy

Accomplishments Denial of norms Future goals Cross-topic reference Sense of community Change of status quo Symmetry

Root of motivation Generic structure potential

GSP

Figure 2 Swales’ analysis of research articles genre

Figure 3 GSP analysis of a shop transaction (Hasan, 1984)

Table 1 Examples of generic feature recognition

Table 2 Example of analysis

Table 3 Coded obligatory elements

Table 4 Coded optional elements

Table 5 The distribution of generic features in 3 essay parts

Table 6 Obligatory element occurrence – what and where

Table 7 Percentage of each type of hook

Table 8 Optional element occurrence – what and where

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ABSTRACT

This research investigated the generic features of Passion application essays into Harvard University The 20 essays were analyzed in terms of their generic structure potential (GSP) The essays were chosen from 3 sources namely 2 books “50 successful Ivy League application essays” and “50 successful Harvard application essays” and the Crimson website which was run by Harvard publishing house The analytical framework by Hasan’s (1985) GSP model was chosen The study used quantitative and qualitative methods to have a better look at the generic features in these essays The study indicated that there was a great variety in the structures of the essays due to the different combinations of elements Fifteen elements were listed including 6 obligatory and 9 optional features 5 out of 6 mandatory features appeared in the body part of the essays Nine optional features appeared in different proportions, among which 3 optional features namely Accomplishment, Sense of community and Denial of norms were more popularly used

Key words – application essays, Harvard, passion, generic structure potential (GSP)

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CHAPTER I: INTRODUCTION

1 Background of the study

English has emerged as a lingua franca and has been used as a communication medium, both in social and academic contexts To master English, writing skill has consumes a great amount of neurotic energy since it is considered the toughest skill to master (Alwasilah, 2007; Dalsky & Tajino, 2007; Bitchener & Basturkmen, 2006) Many studies have tapped into the difficulties students often face while producing essays and they have found that students often face with difficulties in rendering accurate grammar, applying a wide range of vocabulary, generating an adequate number

of ideas and writing cohesively and coherently (Tran & Tran, 2014)

Personal statement, which is one form of creative writing, is even more daunting for students because they must express themselves coherently, creatively and elaborately Therefore, those who long to apply for university are most feared by this challenging requirement Yet, other than advice from online websites and certain guiding books, little research has been done regarding how a successful admission statement is constructed, specifically, how the ideas are cohered to answer the prompt and help the writer stand out among a myriad of applicants

However, the framework on which students can base to write such essays has been under-researched This paper, therefore, aimed to bring a reference source for applicants to produce an impactful application

2 Rationale of the study

Many analyses had been carried out for promotional genres such as grant proposals, job application letters, and negotiation letters (Bhatia, 1993; Connor & Mauranen, 1999; Connor & Upton, 2004; Henry & Roseberry, 2001) Compared with the genres with more rigid structures such as job application letters and research abstracts for journal articles, the common application essay differed in its lack of prescriptive guidelines, its allowance for creativity and individuality, its space for narrative and stories, and its goal both to inform and to persuade

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Undergraduate application essay was the place for potential candidates to provide information about themselves that can be of great use to the admission process However, it could be a double-edged sword since the level of personality could either spice up or deteriorate the application package Therefore, being precise yet creative in this essay was crucial to stand out This opportunity for versatility made admission essays changeable in forms and structures, which might raise the stakes of getting into college for those who have little knowledge or experience in writing one

3 Statement of the problem

Considering the given matter, to facilitate the process of creating an impactful essay, the researcher would like to find out the generic structures of this kind of essays with the focus on 5 questions suggested by the framework by Halliday and Hasan (1985) In the scope of this study, 2 questions below needed addressing

Question 1: What are the obligatory elements in studied application essays into

Harvard University and where must the elements occur in the essays

Question 2: What are the optional elements in these essays and where and how often

can they occur?

4 Significance of the study

The study serves to investigate the generic construction of admission essays that got their writers into Harvard University - one of the most prestigious universities in the world The result of this study is expected to shed some light on the way a successful admission essay is constructed, with regards to the generic features of such type of essay This hopefully will be of great use to students who are looking for a chance to study abroad, especially with financial aids, as well as to counselors who are eager to give specific comments and suggestions to improve an application essay The study can contribute as a reference to the field of generic structure analysis, building upon research about the potential reproduction of certain genres

5 Scope of the study

Application essays as a crucial element in the application process into selective universities had received a spate of interest in the past decades This immense growth

as Overcoming challenges, A problem, Identity, Passion that might encourage students

to write about literally anything they want Hereinafter are some sample prompts:

a - Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so

meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it If this sounds like you, then please share your story

b - The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later

success Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

c - Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea What

prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

d - Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve It can be an

intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of

personal importance, no matter the scale Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution

e - Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others

f - Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all

track of time Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want

to learn more?

g - Share an essay on any topic of your choice It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design

In the scope of this research, the concept of “Passion” was dug into The topic

covered answers to both prompts a and f

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However, a large number of facets related to application essays exist To name a few, these included “voice and tone” analysis (Shemassian, 2019), which consisted of

an in depth research into the use of grammatical and lexical features in the establishment

of voice and tone These categories also covered the generic features in content that had been popularly tapped into by various sources such as Shemassian (2019), or Berlinsky-Schine (2018)

Due to a lack of research into the generic features in content of application essays, this study focused on the analysis of successful common application essays written by admitted applicants to Harvard University Also, only the generic content features were investigated Grammatical and lexical feature analysis was not the objective of this research and thus was, if mentioned, only to justify the objective which was to analyze the content To this aim, a sum of 20 essays were collected from Harvard graduates and Harvard publishing house The essays in Harvard publishing house were written by Harvard students class of 2017 and later The essays by Harvard graduates however were first published in 2010 and had been republished 4 times

6 Definition of “Passion”

According to Cambridge Dictionary, Passion was “an extreme interest in or wish for doing something, such as a hobby, or activity” Raab (2017) referred to passion in a stronger term “as an inclination or desire to do something one likes to do or thinks is important to do” Vallerand (2008) classified passion into two types of passion that might yield different results Harmonious passion was an interest that people love to do

in a controllable and manageable way while obsession passion is an uncontrollable urge

to become involved in an activity The Spanish poet and theater director Federico Garcia Lorca (1998) referred to life force, duende in Spanish, to bring significance to a deep passion “Creativity and inspiration pull us toward duende” (Raab, 2017) For Lorca (1998), the most remarkable art “keeps the fire and ecstasy alive within” (Raab, 2017)

In a Kay Redfield Jamison’s book: Exuberance: The Passion for Life (2005), she wrote about how John Muir and Teddy Roosevelt knew early on their lives that they were passionate about preserving nature She described him as

examples, academic passion, career choice, or talent fell into the Passion category

In some situations, confusion might arise For example, the essay written by Sadie McQuilkin (2014) about an injury caused by running at first glance, was about

“overcoming obstacles”, but in the end the writer barely overcame the challenge but actually ended up “embracing it” (Nelson, 2014) The obstacle helped the writer find and consolidate her passion for running Therefore, this narrative fell into the Passion section

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CHAPTER II: LITERATURE REVIEW

1 Genre and Genre analysis

Genre was defined differently by different scholars such as Miller (1984), Martin (1984), Swales (1990), Thompson (1994), Eggins (2004), Bawarshi & Reiff (2010), Bhatia (1993, 2013) Martin (1984) defined genre as a purposeful activity in a cultural context meaning it served a purpose and had clear progressive stages Genre demonstrated how languages were used to perform certain activities (Martin, 1985, p.250) According to Swales (1990), genre was created from multiple layers of communicative events that served a common purpose (p 58) Hyland (2008, p 543) defined genre as a term to address generally some types of genre, showing the language use in repetitive situations, which allowed members in the linguistic community to recognize the similar features of a genre and to be able to comprehend, or reconstruct texts of the same genre easily According to Bawarshi & Reiff (2010), genre was the way people organize, respond, or behave with a purpose, which allows people to recreate the situations in which it was applied (p.3) Bhatia (2013) claimed that genre was a communicative event easily recognizable by the communication purpose, meaning members of the same community could notice and acknowledge the genre, which took place frequently and followed certain standards, without trouble (p.49) Hence, the definition of genre stemmed from the purpose to use the genre, which later determined how the genre was realized Based on the purpose of genres, scholars could classify genres A demonstration of the classification was shown in Figure 1

Figure 1: Genre classification in terms of purposes (Knapp & Watkins, 1994, p.26)

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From the viewpoint of systematic functional linguists, different genres demonstrated different ways in which language was used in different cultural context Genre analysis, thus, gave an insight into what the communicators did with the language they used and how they ordered the linguistic resources to serve certain communicative purposes

Genre, according to the social application of language, is a class of communicative event, which comprises “… not only the discourse itself and its participants, but also the role of that discourse and the environment of its production and reception, including its historical and cultural association” (Swales, 1990, p 46) Communicative events are usually determined by communicative purposes, which often vary, such that, in a particular discourse community, we can find different kinds of genres (Swales, 1990) Genre was defined by Halliday and Hasan (1985) as a meaning stemming from language which does a particular job in a particular contextual configuration The term “genre-specific semantic potential” or “generic structure potential” (GSP) is used to describe a particular type of text which is different from any others The GSP is an obligatory structure of a particular type of text which can be used

to diagnose the genre Therefore, every genre has its own GSP However, texts of the same genre may have different optional structures (Halliday and Hasan, 1985) Genre has been categorized under the domain of register in a context of situation (Santosa, 2009) Genres are classified or identified according to the professional or peculiar use

of language Examples of the genre are business genre, medical genre, scientific genre, media genre and so on

Genre analysis, according to Bhatia (2013), was a special method to analyze genre, which was carried out by describing the constructing features while interpreting the findings to give answers for the question: Why did members of a certain community use the language that they had been using? The analysis of genre required knowledge

in the field to be able to understand, describe, and interpret the genre

2 Two main approaches to genre analysis

There were two main approaches to genre analysis: (1) move analytic approach (Swales 1981, 1990) and (2) generic structure potential (GSP) (Halliday & Hasan 1985)

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According to Yang (2010), Swales’ (1990) model of genre analysis is “much in line with the structural-functional tradition of systematic functional linguistics” which is the umbrella term for the GSP approach

(1) Swales (1981, 1990) combined “rhetoric and linguistics to explain genre as grounded in shared communicative purposes and discoverable through text analysis.”

He argued that the communicative goals constituted the reasons for existence of a genre which shaped genre conventions – including the rhetorical organization of texts, along with the linguistic means of its accomplishment This approach contributed to the framework for analyzing rhetorical organization of texts known as the move analytic approach (Swales, 1990) Based on this approach, a text could be divided into “moves” based on their function in the section and the moves could be divided further into steps Below is an example of Swales’ analysis of research articles genre

Figure 2 Swales’ analysis of research articles genre (1990) The concept of genre in Swales model included determining the rhetorical organization of a genre aiming at achieving a set of communicative purposes (contextual) and showing how these communicative purposes were justified by lexical and syntactical choices Although the model proposed by Swales (1990) attempted to investigate how a genre was shaped by the communicative goals in which analysis of rhetorical organization was expected to be carried out in details, it appeared that it could

express(ed) the total range of optional, (iterative), and obligatory elements and their order in such a way that we exhaust the possibilities of text structure for every text that can be appropriate to (the contextual configuration of that text)) (p.64)

Hasan (1986) contended that every genre has a GSP model and the model had to demonstrate all structures that potentially appeared in all texts of the same genre GSP included compulsory, optional (and repeated) components, all of which are arranged in

a specific order The components, either compulsory or optional, although realized by different lexico-grammar structures, all contributed to the meaning making of a text (p.53) Thus, genre analysis framework based on GSP was an instrument to figure out the obligatory elements (prohibitive to serve the main purpose of a text), optional elements (not serving the main purpose of a text, thus deemed unnecessary), and elements possible of iteration in a certain genre The analysis of GSP helped to answer

5 following questions:

(i) Obligatory elements - What element must occur?

(ii) Optional elements - What elements can occur?

(iii) Obligatory sequencing of elements - Where must they occur?

(iv) Optional sequencing of elements - Where can they occur?

(v) Recursiveness - How often can they occur?

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Figure 3 GSP analysis of a shop transaction (Hasan, 1984) According to Figure 2, the GSP analysis could be understood as followed: + Greeting element (G), Sale Initiation element (SI), and Finish element (F) were optional features

+ Sale request element (SR), Sale compliance element (SC), Sale element (S), Purchase element (P), and Purchase closure element (PC) were mandatory elements in the transaction

+ Sale request element (SR) and Sale compliance element (SC) could be repetitive in the conversation

+ Greeting element (G) and Sale Initiation (SI) could switch places (G) ^ (SI) or (SI) ^ (G) were both acceptable

In summary, the analysis of GSP of a genre sheds light on the potential occurrences of components that construct a text

Existing studies on GSP were on editorials (Amoakohene, 2018), print advertisement (Nugroho, 2009), football coverage (Mehler, 2006), introductions in research articles (Osat, 2012), introductory pages of websites (Nguyen, 2018), and many more Application essays had been a topic for discussion for long There had been research that tapped into the production of motivation essays used to apply for scholarship or graduate level education (Huiling, 2007) Yet the official research into them appeared modest

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CHAPTER III: METHODOLOGY

In an attempt to facilitate the production of an application essay for undergraduate level at Harvard University, online recommendations as well as books were readily available for searching Almost all online sites such as Shemassian (2019), Berlinsky-Schine (2018) aimed at suggesting lists of features to include in essays such

as a humble tone, confidence, academic interest and so on The books such as Escape Essay Hell!: A step-by-step guide to writing narrative college application essays (Robinson, 2013) and College essay essentials: A step-by-step guide to writing a successful college admissions essay (Sawyer, 2016) offered a more insightful approach with detailed instruction on how to structure an essay However, studies on generic structure potential of successful application essays were rare In other words, studies to demystify the effectiveness of such recommendations were lacking

1 Data collection

Twenty essays were chosen from 3 sources: 8 essays were collected from the

Passion section in the book “50 successful Harvard application essays – 5th edition” published by the publishing house Harvard Crimson (2017); 4 essays from the book “50 successful application essays into Ivy League – 4th edition” (2017); and 8 essays (written

by Harvard undergraduate – class of 2022 and 2023) are collected from Harvard

Crimson’s website that also dealt with the topic of Passion

The essays are normally 500 – 650 words long

2 Data analysis

This research used both quantitative and qualitative research approaches to gain

insight into application essays In this research, twenty essays under the topic Passion

into Harvard university were chosen as subject of research because this topic normally offered interesting and outstanding ideas The essays were coded from E1 to E20

As regards to how to produce a powerful essay, many website articles had attempted to suggest what Harvard admission committees would like to see and generally how to portray one’s personality Generally, the most competitive universities require individuals to show their “passion, leadership, initiative, intellectual vitality,

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and memorability” (Shemmassian, 2019) However, a successful essay does not necessarily guarantee a study place at Harvard as other criteria such as academic records, test results, or extracurricular activities are also taken into consideration Even

so, in the fight for a study place at Harvard where applicants are likely to be stellar students at their schools, having a strong essay that shows your authentic “particular obsessions and makes you “speak about them in a way that demonstrate intelligence and a surprising but rigorous way of thinking” (Shemmassian, 2019) increases one’s chance of acceptance To do so, many sites suggest students to create a sensory picture through a lot of details and examples (Berlinsky-Schine, 2018; Shemmassian, 2019) which allow one’s personality to stand out The applicants are also recommended to turn the essays into a narrative instead of a list of achievements, basically a summary

of the resume, to better “portray an experience that shaped” him or her Schine, 2018).With regards to the general structure of an application essay, regardless

(Berlinsky-of the specific essay navigation, introduction – body – conclusion structure is basically put forward (Greene) in which introduction aims at captivating readers and conclusion

is used to wrap the essay up on a memorable note with take-away messages (Studential, n.d) The body, however, is what students structure differently to serve their own purposes

Regarding the obligatory elements, one element was deemed obligatory element

if it was mandatory for a part of the essay (either opening, body or conclusion), meaning the element was repeated in all essays’ opening or body or conclusion Obligatory elements excluded the ones that occurred in all essays yet in different parts

Having said that, all other elements were optional elements

Question 1: What are the obligatory elements in studied application essays into

Harvard University and where must the elements occur in the essays

To first understand the essays, each essay was looked into at least 3 times for the researcher to grasp the main idea and the tone of the essays as well as the personality of the writers The gist and the ideas the writers chose for their essays were noted down in the margin

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After that, a framework of elements for analysis was first drafted using three sources: reviews by experienced admissions officers (Kelly & Tanabe, 2012), suggestions by Shemmassian (2019) and words by Ethan Sawyer (2016) Each text was

a composition of suggestions that were later picked and made into a list to help students nail the application essays for Harvard It was well aware that the list covered a wide range of features yet was not an exhaustive reference

The first source (Kelly & Tanabe, 2012) provided detailed analysis of all 20 essays regarding both pros and cons The second by Shemassian (2019) and third sources by Sawyer (2016) gave recommendations on essay writing, which were believed

to be easily and popularly accessed by many undergraduates-to-be The book by Ethan Sawyer (2016) was voted 4.2 out of 5 on Amazon and Goodreads websites as reliable reference for students starting writing an application essay Each source was read carefully and underlined with the keywords that were likely to be a feature The keywords underlined were all content words (nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs) From that analysis, the features found were put into a table for the researcher to track which features were obligatory and which were optional within the research scope

Table 1: Examples of generic feature analysis*

* O: opening; B: body; C: conclusion

From the example: self-reflection, thus, is an obligatory trait in the body yet optional in the opening and conclusion parts and other features are considered

optional in all 3 parts of an essay

Moreover, other discovered features that recurred in at least 2 essays later were added to the list of elements and analyzed

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After a roughly comprehensive list of elements (the essays were examined approximately 8 times so as to minimize the risk of leaving out possible elements), the obligatory elements were color-coded red while optional elements were coded blue Elements while analyzed were abbreviated for the convenience of research Obligatory elements were shortened into 2-letter words while the optional ones were abbreviated into 3-letter elements

The essays were read carefully in order to find the features of each part The findings then were organized into 3 parts: opening, body, and closing They can be repetitive among the sections Finally, each element was counted for its occurrence throughout 20 essays At the same time, the number of elements in each essays was also summarized and averaged out An example of analysis is as below:

Opening

IM: 1 (33%) Ana/ Acc: 1 (33%)

Analysis

(# of elements)

Table 2 Example of analysis

In each part of the essays, elements that were repeated throughout all 20 essays were considered obligatory in that part From the result, each feature was described in details using examples from the essays to answer the given question

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Question 2: What are the optional elements in these essays and where and how often

can they occur?

The optional elements were coded blue Elements were abbreviated for the convenience of research The optional ones were abbreviated into 3-letter elements The questions were answered similarly by counting the elements that appeared in 3 parts of each essay The elements were tabulated in terms of the locations they were (in which part of essay) Similar to Table 1, the recurrences of optional elements would also be calculated Further examples were put forward to discuss the usefulness of such elements

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CHAPTER IV: FINDINGS AND DISCUSSION

Analysis based on the suggested qualities from 3 studied sources indicates the variety of possible combinations of elements in each application essay, approximately from 5 to 12 elements The average number of elements in 20 analyzed essays are 8.5

In total, 15 elements are likely to appear in 20 investigated application essays, among which 6 are obligatory and 9 are optional The lists of elements are displayed below:

Cross-topic reference Ref Sense of community Com Change of status quo CSQ

Table 4 Table of coded optional elements

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Moreover, regarding 15 detected elements, 9 elements may be repeated across 3 parts of the essays A summary of potential elements in different parts of an application essay is displayed as followed

Opening: 4 elements – 1 obligatory, 3 optional Body: 15 elements – 5 obligatory, 9 optional Conclusion: 6 elements – 1 obligatory, 5 optional

Table 5 The distribution of generic features in 3 parts

According to the table, application essays can vary wildly in terms of the quantity

of elements and structures

Question 1: What are the obligatory elements in studied application essays into

Harvard University and where must the elements occur in the essays

Mandatory elements analyzed in the opening and body sections are different;

however, the conclusion shares 1 element with the body, which is Reflection Some of

the elements can be obligatory in one part yet optional in other parts of the essays For

example, intrinsic motivation and sense of confidence and pride are required in the body but become options in the conclusion Likewise, detail orientation element, despite

being mandatory in the body section, acts as an option for the opening The details of each element, both obligatory and optional, are discussed in the subsections

In the following subsections, the features identified in researched essays were discussed The features were, in fact, collected and summarized from the reviewers’ comments on the essays During the analysis, two aspects for detailed investigation were looked into The first aspect is how each feature is presented in studied essays contributes to the meaning making students tried to deliver The second aspect is whether the identified features have demonstrated or facilitated the demonstration of the expected qualities by the admission committee

The number of obligatory elements in all essays’ body are 6, quite close if compared with 8.5 which is the average number of elements in the researched essays This similarity indicates a unity in structures among the successful essays

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In the opening of all essays, the introductory hook played a central role in drawing audience’s attention, thus indispensable for the opening Half of the essays set themselves apart by prolonging the opening with more details In the body of all essays,

all five elements namely Self-reflection and grit, Sense of pride and confidence, Details, Intrinsic motivation, and Humility were employed In the conclusion, however, Self- reflection and Grit was the central idea in all essays; whereas Sense of pride and confidence, Intrinsic motivation, and Humility were only tapped upon Nonetheless, the feature of Sense of pride and confidence were quite predominant compared to other two

elements The specific data of occurrences of the elements is showcased in the table below:

65%

Details E2, E3, E4, E7, E10,

E11, E12, E15, E16, E18

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1 a Introductory hook

Hook, or attention grabber, is known to keep readers engaged in the vibe of the essays

so that they continue to crave for more A hook is “a sentence or group of sentences that draw people into reading your essay or research paper” (Davis, 2019) It works wonder

to spark curiosity This feature might help an essay stand out considering the overwhelming quantity of application essays the admission committees need to address every application season According to Davis (2019) and Hanski (2019), there were basically 7 types of hooks namely

- Interesting question hook

- Strong statement/ Declaration hook

- Fact/ Statistic hook

- Metaphor/ Simile hook

Strong statement/ declaration hook 45%

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In the studied essays, however, Strong statement or Declaration hook was used

predominantly with 9 essays out of 20 (45%) in E3 to E8 and E13, E17, and E19 The writers basically managed to speak to the readers their genuine interest in a concise way One remarkable example is essay 8 where the writer wrapped her message in a powerful four-word sentence to describe her passion, her obsession, and her life mission

I am a messenger

The curiosity was piqued which led readers to follow on her journey to uncover what it truly meant to be a messenger for her This discovering journey for both the writer and readers added intensity and rigor to the topic, which made the essay stand out among the norm Similar to the writer of essay 8, the applicant who wrote E13 also packed his message in one sharp sentence that seemingly caused unease since it ran the line of being obnoxious and being confident

At my age, few people can genuinely claim that they have had a life-changing experience

This intriguing and uneasy hook lured reader to be engaged to later find out the answer to the arising question “Is this person cocky or just confident?” themselves Such projection of self and adequate level of curiosity launched the writer to a great start For others who also adopted this type of hook, the lead-ins seemed to be on extensive side yet they barely lost their effects In the essay 4 written by a student who got knee injury yet was passionate about running To start off, he stated a common hyperbole about his passion for running If the essay kicked off from this statement, it might not have been mind-boggling The writer chose to point out a contradictory statement about running and himself

For every step I take, I could list a dozen reasons why I run

But most of all, I run because I couldn’t

And he did not just let it hang He went on to project predictions for his “couldn’t” which revealed his active, out-going life before the accident

Maybe it was the sixteen-mile run at a breakneck pace the week before

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Maybe it was the impromptu dip into the icy Atlantic Ocean immediately following the run

Maybe it was the residual stress from midyear exams

Maybe I was just going too fast down the ski slope that fateful day last January Other than Strong statement/ Declaration, Description and Story hook were also

preferred by 20% and 15% of the applicants The use of personal stories or detailed description which connected with the topic could pique readers’ interest as one person’s story or observation was like no others’ The reminiscent description of the writer for essay 11 triggers readers’ nostalgia about the passed away This description also makes readers wonder why such a sorrowful memory stuck inside one teenager’s mind

I trod the mud in the misty spring rain It was Qing Ming, the holiday in China when we honored our deceased ancestors On the ground of the cemetery, drenched flowers lay in my grandfather’s remembrance

While many applicants started off quite successful as they grasped the readers’ attention immediately, the writer of essay 18 at the first sight confused the admissions with her seemingly irrelevant description of her first moment in life (Harvard Crimson, 2019) The connection with the thesis “it’s certainly true that I feel like I came preprogrammed with the compulsion to ask questions” is unclear and feels forced

My father said I didn’t cry when I was born Instead, I popped out of the womb with a furrowed brow, looking up at him almost accusatorially, as if to say “Who are you? What am I doing here?” While I can’t speak to the biological accuracy

of his story — How did I survive, then? How did I bring air into my lungs? — it’s certainly true that I feel like I came preprogrammed with the compulsion to ask questions

20 essays, in general, are quite successful in establishing the thesis and lead readers in the path to answering their own queries to explore the writers’ insightful messages

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1 b Self - reflection and Grit

Showing self – reflection is one pathway to be able to convince admission committees that one’s passion is genuine and that the person possesses a growth mindset It also closes the essay on a reflective and mature note which shows that the writer understands himself/herself and is open for any future possibilities

In the essay E1 below, the writer looks into her frustration and regret with the awards given to her that aims to undermine girls’ academic ability She points out the paradox in the award itself and continues questioning the deteriorating impact this practice would have on other girl generations It is the self-reflection that enables readers’ visualization of a determined, thoughtful and able girl who understands her own power Moreover, she already has an eye on the future – with questions and possibilities

What impression does it leave behind for females who aspire for the pinnacle

of the field? What mark will such reminders make in the subconscious of little girls who might have wanted to fiddle around with machines alongside their brothers?

The trophy now serves as a reminder, not of an achievement but of a duty I will strive to be a role model female physicist And I will work toward the day when all will find special awards of this sort unnecessary Whether female or male, I believe that with our love for physics, we can excel in the field equally

Other writers who manage to dig deeper into their accomplishments all reflect upon the incidents While not all of them mention possibilities, all of them acknowledge the transformations brought by the process of achieving their accomplishments Essay E5’s writer who gives an account of his preparation for and experience in debate competitions concludes with the positive influence of debate such as his improved thinking and reasoning skills, and the fascinating exposure to international knowledge His pure joy when sitting with his debate team rather than having Spring Break for himself signals his true passion and interest and willingness to sacrifice

I’ve been motivated to open my eyes and find research like Professor Devah Pager’s study that says a white felon has an equal or better chance at getting a

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job as a black man with no criminal record […] I can’t even watch an advertisement without thinking about all the fallacies in their argumentation I thought then about what my friends and classmates had probably done that first weekend of Spring Break I looked around at my teammates, leaned over to Jeff and said, “There’s no other place I’d rather be right now.” And he replied,

“Yeah, me neither.”

For those who present themselves without showing off with accomplishments self-reflect mostly by pinpointing the changes by embarking in their own journeys In one part of the essay E8, the writer gives profound meaning to her declamation activity This new impact is mostly unknown to the general public which adds maturity to her essay and the topic

“[…] I am changed

His emotions become my own emotions, his thoughts my own

His strength becomes the source of my own strength

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1 c Detail orientation

Application essays are not considered a place to list events or brag; thus, detailing one’s growth process to show intelligence, passion and clever ways of thinking is indispensable

Detail technique is used in various parts of the essays One of the main goals of this practice is to create a sensory picture with which readers can hear, smell, touch, feel

or even taste what is described This ability is highly appreciated by the admission committees who are longing toget to know candidates’ personality and valuable traits

In one excerpt from essay E2, the writer starts off his essay with an “excellent and artistic prose” (2014) to grasp readers’ attention

A light breeze caressing the cornfield makes it look like a gentle swaying sea of gold under the ginger sun of late summer A child’s chime-like laughter echoes

As I rush through the cornfield, I hear the rustling of leaves and the murmur of life hidden among the stems that tower over me I remember the joy of the day when I solved one of my first difficult combinatorics problems at my parents’ house in the countryside I felt so exhilarated that I ran outside and into the cornfield

Readers can visualize the serenity in the discovery, smell the corn field growing arid under the scorching sun, hear the leaves, and laughter, feel the wind The sense is further activated with a beautiful personification of life which might give readers goosebumps and lay ground for deeper thoughts and wonder This use of descriptive language to detail the story also draws attention to the writer’s personality to be sensitive, mindful of the present

Detailed orientation also works with multiple events elaborated with sensory images, expressed in separate sentences as in essay E4 here when the writer tries to reason her inability to run

But most of all, I run because I couldn’t

Maybe it was the sixteen-mile run at a breakneck pace the week before

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Maybe it was the impromptu dip into the icy Atlantic Ocean immediately following the run

Maybe it was the residual stress from midyear exams

Maybe I was just going too fast down the ski slope that fateful day last January

Even though she might have run into listing, which is considered a taboo, she managed to include senses to enrich the experience: not fast but “break neck pace” not dip into but an “impromptu dip”, not stress but “residual stress”, not that day but “that fateful day” The writer is actually inviting readers on the ride of emotions and images Apart from essay E4’s writer, other writers have included separate sentences to detail targeted idea In other words, the candidates tend to use repetition or parallel structures

as a way to manifest their dedication to the subject itself and self-reflection As in essay E7 where the applicant writes about his geocaching adventure, he uses repetition to detail the various roles he has taken on

This activity has served as a sightseeing tool on vacations, giving us tours of cities around the world as we troop through on our adventures

I imagine myself to be Juan Ponce de León looking for the Fountain of Youth

On coastal hunts I am Captain Kidd

In cities I am James Bond or Jason Bourne

Or the girl in essay E8 has detailed the life lessons she has learnt from the declaiming experience

As I walk off the stage that day having declaimed an excerpt from Night, I remember the day that I learned from Susan B

Anthony to assert my beliefs and never let anyone deny me my rights

I remember the day I learned from Anne Frank to see the bright side of situations and to appreciate the small pleasures taken for granted in life

I remember the day I learned from Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose what it means

to be devoted to one’s country

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For most of the writers, the essays are detailed oriented towards how the writers have achieved what they have achieved and transform into better individuals Details are not all-too-common ones yet the ones specifically personally experienced and observed by the writers Even though the arrangements of the ideas in the essays might differ, each idea is carefully explained to deliver parts of one’s personality, observation and maturity? For example in essay E12, the applicant first introduces an uncommon scene of her standing behind the stage waiting to perform but then she eases into describing her childhood with her roaring passion for music The details are not to be found elsewhere in essays written about economy or film but here Even if the writer covers the key word “music”, readers can still uncover the core idea And even if the readers are not exposed to her resume, and other application documents, they might still

be able to tell she is a humble, reflective, and talented individual

I curled my fingers around the microphone and waited impatiently as the curtains opened

My love for performance stemmed from my appreciation of music as a child In the city in China where I spent the first ten years of my life, I never found a choir

to join and never laid eyes on a grand piano Nonetheless, I treasured my passion for song and sought ways to bring music into my life I sang with our old record player when I was barely tall enough to reach it On certain afternoons, my best friend and I would tape bed sheets to the ceiling as curtains and invite neighbors to come listen

Thus, while she partly draws a scene full of senses, she manages to transcend details that are uniquely hers

This detailed orientation approach is powerful in setting the scene and helping admission committees understand the applicant sight unseen Selective details have proven to be indispensable for such a creative writing genre

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1 d Intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation is defined as

"Intrinsic motivation occurs when we act without any obvious external rewards

We simply enjoy an activity or see it as an opportunity to explore, learn, and actualize our potentials." (Cherry, 2019)

In other words, while external motivation comes from awards, prizes or acclaims,

an intrinsically motivated person pursues an activity simply for the enjoyment of it Doing what makes one happy makes them pursue the interest longer and therefore are less likely to be uninterrupted by other external factors These individuals , moreover, have tendencies to move forward in face of challenges or obstacles to achieve an outcome they have longed to attain For such individuals, achievement is not an end in itself People can also judge if certain people are intrinsically motivated when they show curiosity for something, want control over themselves and what they pursue, and gain satisfaction from helping others (Cherry, 2019) The impact that being intrinsically motivated has on students is so powerful that it makes it a favorable trait to look for in

a candidate Basically, all applicants manage to transcend that trait in their essays

For example, in essay E1 about gender discrimination, the writer emphasizes her determination or her “duty” to become a “role model female physicist” She turns the incident into a source of inspiration that is hard to be shaken This convinces admission committees that she would be “a passionate leader who will empower other females and share her dedication with her classmates at Harvard” (Michelle, 2014)

The trophy now serves as a reminder, not of an achievement but of a duty I will strive to be a role model female physicist And I will work toward the day when all will find special awards of this sort unnecessary Whether female or male, I believe that with our love for physics, we can excel in the field equally

In essay E4, the writer almost puts readers to tears because of the rollercoaster of emotion he has undergone for facing up with the trauma of an injured knee Throughout the course, he learnt about himself and unearthed other motivations for running He is

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no longer frustrated if not being able to finish a race yet he has the grit to move forwards training and growing

I no longer run to fulfill expectations I have constructed for myself;

I run because I want to show my teammates that I love running as much I love them

I run because it makes me stronger— physically, mentally, and emotionally

Another writer in essay E11, who attributes the passion to the passing of her grandfather for cancer, takes the chance to explain the intrinsic motivation in depth Her love for her grandfather drives her to move further in the field, as well as gives her courage to be willing to face challenges

My generation will keep pushing the boundaries of knowledge, and nothing would give me more fulfillment than continuing to fight in the war on cancer I recall that rainy Qing Ming morning when I gazed at my grandfather’s gravesite

I wish I could tell him about the adventure he inspired

This war will be arduous, but every little “eureka!” along the way is a portent of victory

Other writers describe what they have done as expression of the intrinsic motivation The accomplishments, even when mentioned, are almost trivial In essay E5, the applicant uses his sleepless night preparing for the national debate championship

to prove his passion for the interest He survives the night with as little as 3 hours of sleep, which is sacrificed for passionate and rigorous discussion about the latest news His passion is also demonstrated in his subtle humor about debates and participating in debate competition

[…] we noticed that despite the fact that it said RUNNER-UP, our trophy was just as big as the first-place trophy

[…]

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I’ve been motivated to open my eyes and find research like Professor Devah Pager’s study that says a white felon has an equal or better chance at getting a job as a black man with no criminal record

One of the essays nearly loses readers’ attention as he uses a large part of the essay to show how his family’s tradition and family’s support have led him to learning Maths in depth yet leaves out the organic passion and curiosity he has for the subject It

is only until the very last lines that his reflection of Maths brings back his intellectual interest to the surface

[his sharing about friends, family] It reminds me of the old times, when life was simpler, but it also reminds me of why I came to Bucharest to live in a dormitory (2) It was because mathematics fascinated me with its beautiful and intricate theories and configurations, and my parents and my family supported me 150 percent They put in long hours at work to pay for school costs and they selflessly accepted my long absences I decided then to honor their support, follow our common dream, and become an accomplished mathematician Finally today I consider I matched at least an infinitesimal part of my parents’ work [his achievements in Maths]

His use of “and” as the linking word in sentence (2) puts his passion, which is intrinsic, and the family support, which is extrinsic, in equality He indeed should have balanced the description of both factors; however, he moves on talking about the extrinsic factor, which is immediately followed by the accomplishments This conveys

a message that what he has achieved is mostly attributed to the family’s support and wishes The essay might have failed if he had not included reflection upon Maths

Math, for me, is a vast map of knowledge where theories intersect each other like pathways in a cornfield, and that explains the laws of nature and the universe itself

However, no matter what mathematical sphere shall I soar in , I will always have

my family with me and the joy of that day when I was running freely in the cornfield

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Basically, being able to show that one’s motivation is intrinsic, genuine, organic

is important considering the profiles of those applying for Harvard University are mostly admirable Having the grit is important not only in undergraduate studies but also in face

of real-life challenges

1 e Humility

Humility is a trait sought after by admissions officers in an application essay, especially from works by Harvard future students as those applying to Harvard mostly possess stellar academic and extracurricular backgrounds In fact, whether an essay is rendered humble or arrogant mostly depends on the wording and phrasing of an essay

as not many students mean to be showing off (2018) An article on website essayhell.com (2015) coins the term “humblebrag” to indicate the fact that students can demonstrate their intellectual highlights while remaining humble to the admissions officers This view is interesting considering that it can make application essays delusional as any students, even the boastful ones, can work hours to produce arrogance-free essays Still, the admission committees look for a humble tone in essays which are all demonstrated in the accepted students’ works

One common way to demonstrate humility is their detailed description of the journey to achieve what they have, including both ups and downs This means students tend to spare one or two sentences to mention their achievements only while most of the description is used for self-reflection, dedication to community, or other elements

“The dim sunset barely lightens up my room, while the cold November wind rushes from the broken-and-mended-with-tape window on the hallway, whistling beneath my door My roommates haven’t returned yet, and I feel alone and isolated.”

1 f Sense of pride and confidence

While being humble is a desirable trait, the essays often need a touch of pride and confidence to win the heart of the admissions committees As stated in Si (2020)

“One of the best qualities that any college applicant can have is confidence Confident applicants are comfortable enough with themselves and the people

achievements (How arrogance can kill your college application essay, 2018) Indeed,

one candidate is suggested to write “with self-assurance” and write while he

“remember[s] what [he’s] interested in” (How arrogance can kill your college application essay, 2018)

It is also advisable that words and quantifiers one uses should truly explain what she means In other words, students should avoid the use of “seems”, “appears”, “might be”, and other degrading words

Even in the most humble essay written by Joshuah Campbell (E3), he manages

to present a clear thought process since his first steps to become a Christian He is first unsure of the reasons why God chose him to preach a sermon, which also is his own intent When the thinking process shifts to his acceptance of the responsibility, he becomes certain and ready for the mission

“To be honest again, when I stand behind the pulpit next year, I am going to be scared, shaken to my core because of the gravity of the task I must carry out

I know that already

Jeremiah knew it, too

The good news is so does God, which is why He filled Jeremiah’s mouth with His words

I hope He’ll do the same for me.”

His confidence in this essay stems from a strong pious belief, et from the point

of view of an atheist, he is the confident one after all

However necessary the sense of confidence is, students often walk the borderline between being cocky and being confident While in most of the essays, writers of analyzed essays barely risk sounding over-confident to impress the admissions team,

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real-life cases indicate a considerable number of applicants being arrogant without knowing (How Arrogance Can Kill Your College Application Essay, 2018), which is an instant “application killer” In essay 13, the writer almost runs the risk of sounding like

a know-it-all with a starting line “At my age, few people can genuinely claim that they have had a life-changing experience.” that might indicate his feeling of superiority to

others However, this only sign of over-confidence is later interpreted as sense of pride when he carries on explaining lessons he learns from working in teams, and socializing with experts in different fields He turns it into a story where he is the lucky protagonist

Question 2: What are the optional elements in these essays and where and how often

can they occur?

Nine optional elements were found throughout the researched essays Among 9 elements, only 3 were used in most of the essays, all in the body part Other features were used in roughly 1 to 6 essays out of 20 Even so, some elements received positive feedback if used appropriately, without violating the mandatory features From the researcher’s own analysis, two other optional features were added into the list, namely

Denial of norms and Cross-topic reference The former were 1 among 3 most popularly

used optional features The analysis of the occurrences and locations of the optional elements is shown in the table below:

Writers in three essays, namely essays E2, E7 and E9 use ideas of common knowledge such as a corn field, a game (supported by a detailed description of how geocaching works), and puzzle as the catapult for latter complex thoughts of the possibilities of math, aspiration for knowledge, and pursuit of science The use of seemingly mundane objects to describe larger significance demonstrate their obsession and their ability to self-reflect rigorously and think humbly

Specifically, in E2, the writer uses the corn field, which usually lends a bucolic and tranquil feel, as the base for his persuasion that he is obsessed over Maths Even if readers have little knowledge of combinatorics, they can still make sense of how it works from his description of his genuine passion