Phụ nữ việt nam trong mối quan hệ tình cảm đa văn hoá gắn kết và thay đổi căn tính việt nam

Globalization and increasing mobility of Vietnamese in recent decades have resulted in a growing number of Vietnamese women engaging in romantic intercultural relationships. Their intercultural interactions within such intimate relationships might to some extent influence their sense of being Vietnamese. This qualitative study, thus, utilized identity narrative inquiry to explore how three Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships have affiliated with and negotiated their Vietnamese identities. Participants that are diverse in age, length of relationships, and nationality of partner were recruited through my personal connections. Data was collected in indepth interviews and analyzed based on thematic coding. Participants described different degrees of connection to their Vietnamese values such as family values, the notion of women as homemakers, the notion of women as jealous and controlling, sexual modesty, and protection of Vietnamese identity. Their processes of identity negotiation have been characterized by their acculturation (adoption of new values) andor transformation (redefinition of their existing beliefs). During their intercultural couplehood, the women have learned new food and eating habits, cultural traditions and practices, English language while negotiating their ideas of gender roles, and directness. On the one hand, the stories consolidate the theory of identity and difference as well as identity as multiple and dynamic. On the other hand, they suggest that a strong sense of Vietnamese identity is a core in each of these women’s identity. It serves as a foundation on which the Vietnamese women have constantly referred back to to make sense of the new ideas and values. The study also raises implications for further research into the strategic role of romantic relationship during emerging adulthood in a person’ identity formation.

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI

UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES FACULTY OF LINGUISTICS AND CULTURE OF ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRIES

GRADUATION PAPER

VIETNAMESE WOMEN IN ROMANTIC

INTERCULTURAL RELATIONSHIPS:

VIETNAMESE IDENTITY AFFILIATION AND NEGOTIATION

Supervisor: NGUYỄN THANH HÀ Student: NGUYỄN QUỲNH TRANG Course: QH2015.F1.E1

HÀ NỘI – 2019

ĐẠI HỌC QUỐC GIA HÀ NỘI

TRƯỜNG ĐẠI HỌC NGOẠI NGỮ KHOA NGÔN NGỮ VÀ VĂN HOÁ CÁC NƯỚC NÓI TIẾNG ANH

KHÓA LUẬN TỐT NGHIỆP

PHỤ NỮ VIỆT NAM TRONG MỐI QUAN HỆ TÌNH CẢM ĐA VĂN HOÁ: GẮN KẾT VÀ THAY ĐỔI CĂN TÍNH VIỆT NAM

Giáo viên hướng dẫn: NGUYỄN THANH HÀ Sinh viên: NGUYỄN QUỲNH TRANG

Khóa: QH2015.F1.E1

HÀ NỘI – 2019

I hereby state that I: Nguyen Quynh Trang, class QH2015.F1.E1, being a candidate for the degree of Bachelor of Arts in English Language Teacher Education accept the requirements of the College relating to the retention and use

of Bachelor’s Graduation Paper deposited in the library

In terms of these conditions, I agree that the origin of my paper deposited

in the library should be accessible for the purposes of study and research, in accordance with the normal conditions established by the librarian for the care, loan or reproduction of the paper

Signature

Hanoi, May 5th, 2019

ABSTRACT

Globalization and increasing mobility of Vietnamese in recent decades have resulted in a growing number of Vietnamese women engaging in romantic intercultural relationships Their intercultural interactions within such intimate relationships might to some extent influence their sense of being Vietnamese This qualitative study, thus, utilized identity narrative inquiry to explore how three Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships have affiliated with and negotiated their Vietnamese identities Participants that are diverse in age, length

of relationships, and nationality of partner were recruited through my personal connections Data was collected in in-depth interviews and analyzed based on thematic coding Participants described different degrees of connection to their Vietnamese values such as family values, the notion of women as homemakers, the notion of women as jealous and controlling, sexual modesty, and protection of Vietnamese identity Their processes of identity negotiation have been characterized by their acculturation (adoption of new values) and/or transformation (redefinition of their existing beliefs) During their intercultural couplehood, the women have learned new food and eating habits, cultural traditions and practices, English language while negotiating their ideas of gender roles, and directness On the one hand, the stories consolidate the theory of identity and difference as well as identity as multiple and dynamic On the other hand, they suggest that a strong sense of Vietnamese identity is a core in each of these women’s identity It serves as a foundation on which the Vietnamese women have constantly referred back to to make sense of the new ideas and values The study also raises implications for further research into the strategic role of romantic

relationship during emerging adulthood in a person’ identity formation

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would like to extend my respect and utmost gratitude towards my supervisor, Nguyen Thanh Ha for her dedication to this research From the very beginning, her enthusiastic guidance has helped shape my thesis and directed me on the right path Thanks to her brilliant recommendations, great eye for details, and constructive criticism on the earlier versions of this study, I was able to strive towards my full potential During the last eight months, the complexity of the topic sometimes left me clueless and discouraged, but her warm encouragement and great trust in me has been my biggest motivation to keep on trying and complete this thesis

I am also grateful for the participation of three delightful women whose name remain confidential Without their genuine sharing of such intimate topics as romantic relationships, this study could not have been a success On a personal level, their unique stories have enabled me to better understand the challenges and dynamics of intercultural love, as well as led me to more appreciate and embrace

my identity as a Vietnamese woman

Lastly, I would like to thank my friends and family for their emotional and academic support The meaningful discussions I have with them not only give me hope but also raise implications which have been useful in this research, and in every other aspect of life

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABSTRACT i

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ii

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION 1

1.1 Statement of research problems and questions 1

1.2 Scope of the study 3

1.3 Significance of the study 4

CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW 5

2.1 Intercultural relationship 5

2.1.1 Food and drink 6

2.1.2 Language 6

2.1.3 Extended family and friends 6

2.1.4 Religion 6

2.1.5 Place of residence 7

2.1.6 Intimacy 7

2.1.7 Gender roles 7

2.1.8 Issue of power 8

2.1.9 Conflicts 8

2.2 Identity 8

2.2.1 Identity and difference 9

2.2.2 Identity is dynamic and multiple 9

2.2.3 Identity and mobility 10

2.2.4 Identity as national/ cultural identity - Vietnamese perspective 10

2.2.5 Identity and an intercultural romantic relationship 12

2.2.5.1 Identity status framework 12

2.2.5.2 Relational identity theory 12

2.2.5.3 Identity Negotiation theory 13

CHAPTER 3: METHODOLOGY 14

3.1 Participants 14

3.2 Data collection 15

3.3 Data analysis 15

CHAPTER 4: FINDINGS 17

4.1 Portraits 17

4.2 Research question 1: To what extent have Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships affiliated with their Vietnamese identity? 21

4.2.1 Family values 21

4.2.2 Women as homemakers 24

4.2.3 Women as jealous and controlling 26

4.2.4 Sexual modesty 26

4.2.5 Protection of Vietnamese identity 27

4.3 Research questions 2: To what extent have Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships negotiated their Vietnamese identity? 28

4.3.1 Acculturation 28

4.3.1.1 Food and eating habits 28

4.3.1.2 Cultural traditions and practices 29

4.3.1.3 Language learning 30

4.3.2 Transformation 30

4.3.2.1 Avoidant to Direct 31

4.3.2.2 Traditional to Feminist 31

CHAPTER 5: DISCUSSION 35

5.1 The role of Vietnamese identity in a woman’s identity construction 35

5.2 The role of a romantic relationship during young adulthood in a person’s identity construction 36

5.3 Personal conflicts above cultural differences 37

CHAPTER 6: CONCLUSION 38

REFERENCES 40

APPENDIX 43

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

1.1 Statement of research problems and questions

In this era of globalization, there has been an unprecedented number of people moving across national and cultural borders to live, study, work and establish new relationships Reflecting global trends, a growing number of Vietnamese are also migrating for various purposes such as study, employment opportunities, and marriages The increasing number of Vietnamese traveling to foreign countries is proven by the number of visas issued for Vietnamese citizens Statistics from the US Department of Immigration show that US visa grants for Vietnam nearly doubled during 2010-2014, far exceeding other countries in the region (Vietnam Migration Profile, 2016) Countries such as Japan, New Zealand, Australia, Canada have been home to more and more Vietnamese students over the last decade Besides immigration, following the newly introduced open economic policies, Vietnam has welcomed a number of immigrants, which has led

to a growing number of intercultural relationships and marriages (Jones and Shen, 2008) In 2016, 16,233 cases of Vietnamese nationals marrying foreigners were recorded, with the vast majority (85%) involving Vietnamese women Vietnamese tend to marry nationals from far away land such as the US, Canada, Republic of Korea, Australia rather than neighboring countries like Cambodia or Laos (Vietnam Migration Profile, 2016)

While any human relationship is intricate, the complexity of an intercultural relationship is further magnified as each partner brings a variety of experiences, many of which are cultural into their relationship (Baldwin et al., 2013) The experiences in terms of different beliefs, morals, values, patterns of communication and so on reflect each partner’s cultural identity, which is defined

by the sense of belonging to a group that has a common system of symbols, meanings, norms and rules for conduct (Collier & Thomas, 1988, as cited in Low, 2011) In this study specifically, a Vietnamese woman’s exposure to her partner’s distinct cultural identity to some extent influences how she constructs her own

cultural identity as individuals construct their sense of self through interaction with others The implication of this has aroused my interest to study intercultural romantic relationships as a catalyst for Vietnamese women’s cultural identity formation process

As research about intercultural relationships is an area of growing interest (Baldwin et al., 2013), there have been numerous studies on intercultural couples and marriages Henriksen (2007) compiled a Multiple Heritage Couple questionnaire to aid with intercultural couples counseling and therapies Ho (1990) and Romano (2008) conducted several studies with couples from different cultures with a focus on conflicts management and resolution strategies Other works by Ting-Toomey (2005) or Spreckels & Kotthoff (2007, as cited in Low, 2011) look

at identity negotiation process in general intercultural communication Realizing that there is limited literature on a Vietnamese woman engaging in intercultural couplehood, and specifically the process of her cultural identity formation, I aspire

to carry out this research to shed light on how a Vietnamese woman has affiliated and negotiated her Vietnamese-ness within her romantic intercultural relationship This motivation grew stronger when I also found myself in close contact with partners of various cultures During our short couplehood, on the one hand, I recognized some distinct layers of my Vietnamese identity that had been subtle to

me the whole time before For example, my habit of drinking coffee with condensed milk only became a salient Vietnamese trait when my Dutch boyfriend pointed out for me The fact that despite my fluent English, I struggled to find the

equivalent of ơi and thương to say how much I loved him made me realize the

expressive power of my mother tongue, Vietnamese All those little events in our relationship have developed a stronger sense of who I am as a Vietnamese and led

me to embrace my Vietnamese-ness more On the other hand, influenced by the Dutch directness, I have found myself becoming much more straightforward in handling conflicts, which is not considered a resolution strategy typical of Vietnamese people Having female friends and family members in a long-term relationship and eventually a marriage with a foreigner, I am further intrigued by the question of whether they have experienced the same phenomenon as I have,

and more importantly, how it develops as the relationship grows I am particularly interested in listening to their unique stories about how being in romantic intercultural relationships might contribute to their Vietnamese identity construction

For the aforementioned reasons, I find it necessary to conduct a focused research on how Vietnamese women engaged in romantic intercultural relationships have affiliated and negotiated their own sense of being Vietnamese Therefore, the research problem of this study is:

Vietnamese identity affiliation and negotiation

To understand the complicated nature of Vietnamese identity in romantic intercultural relationships, this study will be guided by these following questions:

Research question 1: To what extent have Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships affiliated with their Vietnamese identity?

Research question 2: To what extent have Vietnamese women in romantic intercultural relationships negotiated their Vietnamese identity?

1.2 Scope of the study

This study is restricted to exploring identity affiliation and negotiation of three Vietnamese women engaging in romantic intercultural relationships While

I acknowledge that an individual’s identity is complex and multiple, within the constraint of time of this bachelor graduation thesis, I would only focus on Vietnamese identity The sample is chosen for these specific purposes: (1) according to Vietnam Migration Profile (2016), Vietnamese women have outnumbered their male counterparts in marriages with foreigners over the last decade; (2) it aligns with my personal experiences and interest from a female perspective; (3) as the study employs a narrative approach requiring individuals’

telling in-depth experiences, three is a manageable number to avoid overgeneralized and polarized comparisons which might occur in the case of two

1.3 Significance of the study

Existing research on intercultural relationship predominantly focuses on intercultural marriages, with implications for conflicts resolution or couples counseling or therapies (Lee, 2017) Previous studies that examined intercultural couples such as one by AhnAllen and Suyemoto (2011) often categorized Vietnamese participants under a bigger ethnicity, Asians, rather than a separate cultural group For the aforementioned reasons, this study will begin to fill the gap

in the literature on Vietnamese women’s cultural identity construction in romantic intercultural relationships

Besides contributing to the literature on identity and relationship, this paper seeks to provide some qualitative insights into the experiences of how Vietnamese women construct their Vietnamese identity within the domain of an intercultural relationship Utilizing narrative approach, this study aspires to tell meaningful stories of love and the constant process of making sense of self as references for those who are currently having the same experience, or simply an interest in exploring the complexity and dynamics of a romantic intercultural relationship

CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW

2.1 Intercultural relationship

Sullivan and Cottone (2006) define an intercultural couple as one in which each partner grew up in a different country-of-origin, which means they are from two different cultural backgrounds

Gaines, Jr, and Agnew (2003, as cited in Low, 2011, p.5) suggest that an intercultural couple consists of “two respective groups that the society in which they live regards as linguistically, religiously, or historically different”

The second definition is more detailed than the first one as people from two different countries might also follow the same religion or speak the same language

In this study, I am referring to each couple as two individuals coming from different cultural and racial groups, following different religions, and having different historical backgrounds

Any romantic relationship, which is a close interaction between two unique individuals, is complex in many senses Compared to other romantic relationships, the challenge of understanding the significant other’s world in an intercultural couplehood is further amplified by greater differences in terms of beliefs, expectations, and boundaries brought about by the culture-of-origin (Sullivan and Cottone, 2006)

While there are many characteristics of a couplehood, some elements are more salient in an intercultural relationship Based on previous studies done by Romano (2008) and Henriksen (2007), specific cultural differences that are influential to intercultural couples are food and drink, language, relationship with friends and extended family, religion, place of residence, intimacy, gender roles, issue of power, and conflicts resolution These themes are closely connected to the notions of cultural identity as culture is defined as the way of life of a specific group of people, including symbols, values, behaviors, artifacts, and other shared aspects (Baldwin et al., 2013, p.5)

2.1.1 Food and drink

Romano (2008) conducts several interviews with intercultural couples and the one single difference cited by most people is food While food means much more than what you eat in the context of any culture (Ho, 1990), it is specifically important in Vietnamese culture as the country with its deep-rooted agriculture often puts a big emphasis on food

2.1.2 Language

In this study, participants were recruited on several criteria, among which is that they do not speak their partner’s mother tongue as their first language For a romantic relationship, being able to communicate in the same spoken language is vital for growth Even when both partners speak the same language, they often have trouble hearing what each other is really saying (Gottman, 1999, as cited in Tien, 2013) Therefore, it is even more challenging for couples in which each partner speaks different languages to understand what their partner is trying to express

2.1.3 Extended family and friends

Ting-Toomey (2005) notes that individualistic and collectivistic cultures have different ways of placing emphasis on individual and group identity Collectivistic societies like Vietnam tend to place the importance of the “we” identity over the “I” identity, group rights over individual rights, and group needs over individual needs, which promotes relational interdependence, a relational self, group harmony, and a mutual face-saving conflict tendency Put simply, a person born and raised in a collectivistic culture, might consider his/her family and friends’ opinions and seek their acceptance when making decisions, many of which might involve his/her romantic relationship

2.1.4 Religion

Religion is closely connected with culture, and profoundly influences the way individuals think and behave While there are good chances that intra-cultural couples might follow different religions because of the increasing diversity within

a country, it is even more common for intercultural couples to have different religious perspectives

Since religion often represents the fundamental elements of a culture, it imposes a powerful force on various aspects of couplehood and family life such as food, holiday traditions, rituals, gender roles, and sexual intimacy (Romano, 2008)

2.1.6 Intimacy

Ho (1990) suggests that historically, the expectations of men and women concerning the initiation of sexual intimacy also vary across cultures When starting a romantic relationship, the couple might not expect the emergence of problems involving the different expectations about sexual intimacy

Nevertheless, as sexual intimacy is not the only element of intimacy in a romantic relationship (Romano, 2008), it is also important to express affection towards each other in other ways such as hugging, holding hands, and cuddling, kissing, or even less explicit acts like preparing a hot meal or paying attention when the partner is speaking can also show love and care towards the other (Chapman, 2010, as cited in Tien, 2013)

2.1.7 Gender roles

In a romantic relationship, the defined gender roles, which means the expectations of a man and a woman’s behaviors, rights and responsibilities, are also salient elements Like intimacy, the notions of masculinity and femininity are often rooted in culture, class, and race (Bystydzienski, 2011, as cited in Tien,

2013), and affect a relationship in various ways Gender issues can become very complicated when partners possess firm beliefs about the appropriate behaviors each gender should have

2.1.8 Issue of power

Beulah Rohrlich (1988, as cited in Baldwin et al., 2013) argues that the key area to consider in an intercultural romance is the issue of power When an individual engages in an intercultural relationship, the dialectical approach suggests that although two cultures always exist in tension, one culture will move towards the third culture or towards the other The question here is who gets to decide which cultural practices, religions, and beliefs the couple would adopt? Of course, power is complicated as it might be constituted by various factors such as the place of residence, extended family’s influence, the language spoken by both, the support of friends and so on (Baldwin et al., 2013)

2.1.9 Conflicts

One of the main characteristics of any intimate human relationship is conflicts There has been extensive research on stages of conflicts and differences across cultures in terms of conflicts management Ting-Toomey (2005) predicts that collectivists tend to avoid, withdraw, or compromise while individualists are more likely to exhibit dominating strategies One emerging concept of interest in conflicts related papers is negotiation, which is defined as “a decision (a) involves more than one party; (b) who hold potentially conflicting interests, as well as common interests or interdependence to motivate each to remain within the relationship or complete the exchange; and (c) requires a reciprocal exchange of information” (Schmidt & Conaway, cited in Baldwin et al., 2013, p.283)

2.2 Identity

To provide a theoretical framework for data analysis and interpretation of this paper, and to better understand the complexity of identity formation process, a number of previously proposed theories of identity formation were reviewed

2.2.1 Identity and difference

Woodward (1997, as cited in Baldwin et al., 2013) suggests that one way to define who we are is by considering how we are different from others She argues that “identity gives us an idea of who we are and of how we relate to others and to the world in which we live” and that “identity marks the ways in which we are the same as others who share that position, and the ways in which we are different from those who do not” (Woodward, 1997, p 1-2, as cited in Phan, 2007) By asserting “who we are not”, we simultaneously produce an image of “who we are”

In other words, self-images are crafted “through the eye of the needle of the other” (Hall, 1991, p 21, as cited in Phan, 2007) We categorize ourselves and other people into groups that we find we belong to and groups we do not

2.2.2 Identity is dynamic and multiple

Many scholars frame identity as something that is constantly changing because we are constantly creating and shaping our identities through communication with others Hecht et al (2005, as cited in Phan, 2007) and Woodward (1997, as cited in Phan, 2007) recognize the complexities of identity

by arguing that identities are constructed, dynamic and multiple, rather than being static, fixed and integral

Hall (1996, as cited in Phan, 2007) also supports the argument by suggesting that there is no unchanging oneness or an identical and original identity over time

He sees identity as a never-ending process of understanding which is constituted inside a person In Hall’s (1997, as cited in Phan, 2007) view, identity concerns the history and changing time, which might cause the contradictory identities within ourselves that pull us to various directions

In addition, Holland (1996, p.109, as cited in Phan, 2007) agrees that identity becomes a “moveable feast formed and transformed continuously in relation to the ways we are represented or addressed in the cultural systems which surround us” Holland acknowledges her concept of identity as having multiple identities, which means in different contexts and different times, she presumably adopts different identities

2.2.3 Identity and mobility

The complexity of the relationship between increased mobility and the changing identities of trans-nationalists has been a controversial topic Lin (2002) studies how the Hongkongers’ great spatial mobility (migration from mainland China to the metropolis of Hong Kong) influences their identity formation He suggests that the case of Hong Kong has illustrated the “persistent importance of locality”, or place of origin in the transnational identity formation of the Hong Kong sojourners despite their increased mobility and globalization (Lin, 2002, p.87)

In contrast, Liu (1997, as cited in Lin, 2002) argues that increased mobility, particularly the advanced international traveling has been a crucial means by which new cultural knowledge is gained, and new cultural or national identities are formed He claims that identities are “no longer tied to cultural or national space, and mobility is not shaped by place-based identities but the other way round” (Liu,

1997, as cited in Lin, 2002, p.66)

2.2.4 Identity as national/ cultural identity - Vietnamese perspective

Collier and Thomas (1988, as cited in Low, 2011) define cultural identity as

a sense of self- identification with and belonging to a group that shares a common system of symbols and meanings, norms and codes for conduct When an individual identifies with a particular culture, he/she adheres to the norms and codes for conduct such as patterns of communication, eating habits, and the morals and values he/she believes in

A similar viewpoint suggests that cultural identity is “the emotional significance we attach to our sense of belonging or (our) affiliation with the larger culture” (Ting- Toomey, 2005, p.215) It is influenced by two elements: value content and cultural identity salience Value content means the way in which people from different cultures evaluate ideas, behaviors, and communication patterns differently Cultural identity salience indicates the degree of affiliation an

individual attaches with his/her larger culture

The notion of cultural/ national identity has also been discussed by many influential Vietnamese scholars in cultural studies such as Phan (1998) and Tran (2000) They suggest that there is a shared Vietnamese national identity and as

Vietnamese, people tend to constantly refer back to this core or root This root

metaphor repeatedly appears in several books by Phan (1998) and Tran (2000)

Roots suggest the continuity rather than changing of identity formation, and the

importance of collective identity in society (Phan, 2007) This is not to be mistaken

as neglecting or hindering a personal identity Instead, each Vietnamese person should have the right, pride, and responsibility to preserve and maintain the shared cultural values Phan (2007) uses an interesting metaphor that Vietnamese identity could be imagined as a big umbrella under which individuals think and behave The Vietnamese values will continually serve as a basis for Vietnamese people to make sense of new ideas and behaviors

It might be impossible to list all the characteristics that constitute Vietnamese identity, because it has been reflected in numerous facets of life from daily practices such as food and eating habits, to cultural customs, and relationships between people However, to name some salient traits, Vietnamese scholars such

as Phan (1998) and Tran (2000) argue in their books that Vietnamese people uphold a collectivistic identity, which means they are always evaluated in relation

to their family, organization, and nation Whether a person is decent or not depends

on how he/she could contribute to his/her family and more importantly, his/her

country The idea of a root has also been reinforced by instances of Vietnamese

immigrants abroad Phan (1998) suggests that despite living in a completely different culture and being influenced by individualism, Vietnamese people would try to establish organizations, and practice the Vietnamese living style Vietnamese people are also described as having a tradition of depassement (overtaking) Vietnamese people are as flexible as water, which has been reflected in a rich history of adopting new ideas and practice whilst preserving their traditions It shows their awareness and willingness to acculturate as long as changes are necessary for growth and development (Phan, 1998)

2.2.5 Identity and an intercultural romantic relationship

Yodanis et al (2012) support Jimenez’s (2010) conceptualization of intermingling of ethnic differences in an interethnic relationship, namely affiliative ethnic identity In their qualitative study on 28 interethnic couples in Canada, they conclude that an interethnic relationship can deepen one’s access to a different ethnic culture, resulting in a stronger disconnectedness from their ancestral ethnicity However, Jimenez (2010) also suggests that the pursuit of new ethnic identity can be additive, existing parallel to one’s ancestral identity

It is worth noticing that during the process of reviewing literature, I have not found any work that directly addresses the formation of cultural identity within the development of a romantic intercultural relationship Nevertheless, I will present some theoretical concepts that approach the matter of identity within the domain

of relationship in general, and specifically romantic relationship

2.2.5.1 Identity status framework

Laughland-Booy et al (2018) conduct a study on identity development process in relation to the intimacy of emerging adults in Australia After analyzing the results and comparing with previous conceptual models, they suggest that one’s identity development involves commitment, explorative phase, reconsideration or postponement of exploration That means when people come into a romantic relationship, they might initially commit to one identity which is shown by their sense of self and sexuality, their expectations of the partner, etc, then undergo an active exploration before they either stop exploring or demonstrate another firm and new identity

2.2.5.2 Relational identity theory

One of the salient concepts proposed within the domain of intercultural relationship is relational identity, defined as a co-constructed mini-culture by two members, and based on this culture, individuals know how to behave appropriately

in the relationship The dyad has different ways of interpreting or attaching meanings to specific objects, behaviors, stories, symbols that make up their

relationship (Lee, 2006) It is worthwhile to note the Identity Management Theory (IMT) by Cupach and Imahori (1993, as cited in Lee, 2006) and the idea of Third Culture Building model by Casmir (1999, as cited in Lee, 2006) IMT argues that the process of developing one’s relational identity in an intercultural relationship

is through interaction with his/her partner Third-culture building enables all members to understand and appreciate the other’s culture by negotiating standards, goals, and satisfaction in a conversational process It represents a mutuality, which

is a consensus of by people involved in its development (Lee, 2006)

2.2.5.3 Identity Negotiation theory

The Identity Negotiation Theory (INT) (Ting-Toomey, 2005) highlights the importance of culture in the development of an individual’s identity, which in turn,

is communicated to others The cultural identity we have constructed with influence from family and surroundings while growing up will “influence whom

we befriend, what holidays we celebrate, what language or dialect we are comfortable with, and what nonverbal styles we are at ease with in communicating with others” (p 214) However, an individual’s sense of cultural identity is subject

to change, depending on his/ her “motivations to change, (and) interaction with the larger systems-level environment” (p 214)

During interaction with culturally different others, identity negotiation is defined as a process whereby “individuals in an inter-cultural situation attempt to assert, define, modify, challenge, and/or support their own and others’ desired self-images” (p 217) This suggests that a person’s sense of belonging to a certain cultural group and the values of this cultural group will direct how the individual think about her identity, how she constructs the identities of others, and how these interactive identities play out in verbal and nonverbal symbolic interaction (Ting-Toomey, 2005)

CHAPTER 3: METHODOLOGY

This research employs a qualitative narrative approach to explore the experiences of Vietnamese women in intercultural relationships The narrative approach seeks to uncover detailed stories of an individual’s life and investigate intimate human relationships (Creswell, 2007), which is an effective method for exploring processes of identity formation

3.1 Participants

The participants were chosen on several criteria, of which the primary is being a Vietnamese woman in a romantic relationship with a partner from a different culture Both partners must be born and raised in two different countries, and speak two different languages as their first language There is no requirement

on the couple’s length of time together as long as the Vietnamese woman considers the relationship significant enough to her

The participants were recruited through the researcher’s personal connections

to set a trusted environment for their sharing on intimate topics

Interviewees vary in their age (two young adults and one middle-aged woman); place of residence (Vietnam, abroad); partner’s nationality (Hungarian, British, Canadian-born Chinese); duration of relationship (short-term, long-term, marriage); and stage of the relationship (dating, cohabitation, marriage)

Linh is a young Vietnamese woman in her 20s and studying abroad in Budapest, Hungary where she met her current white Hungarian boyfriend, Andy They have been dating for nearly two years and moving in together for a year and

a half

Phuong

Phuong is a young Vietnamese woman and a fresh university graduate in Vietnam She met her white British boyfriend, Joe while he was playing at a music festival They celebrated their first year together last November

Mai

Unlike the other two women, Mai walked into her relationship with this old Canadian-born Chinese friend of her after an unsuccessful marriage They have been friends for more than ten years, lovers for five years, and spouses since last November

Three in-depth narrative interviews were conducted with three participants

As we are friends/ cousins, I sent them a message asking for their availability for

a 2-2.5 hour interview I talked to Phuong at a quiet and cozy cafe while the interviews with Linh and Mai took place online due to our geographical distance

I video-called while both of them were at home alone, which created a safe environment to encourage their sharing I also asked for the participants’ preferred language of the interview, to which they said it did not matter I decided that the interview would be predominantly in Vietnamese, our mother tongue, to reduce misinterpretations although they could feel free to switch to English whenever necessary, which they periodically did, especially when quoting their boyfriend or themselves in communication with people that do not speak Vietnamese

3.3 Data analysis

This study (1) utilized narratives to yield stories of three Vietnamese women’s affiliation with and negotiation of their Vietnamese identity in romantic intercultural relationships where contexts, feelings, and meanings were discussed

in rich details; (2) relied on thematic coding to compare with existing theories in literature review to present an analytical synthesis of emerging themes

The interviews were recorded, transcribed and translated to English by myself Personal information of the participants such as names, hometown, and names of people mentioned in the interview was changed to ensure confidentiality

CHAPTER 4: FINDINGS

In this chapter, the analysis of the data will be presented in two parts Firstly,

I will draw three portraits of the women I have interviewed, with their unique cultural-educational background, how they have developed, and the patterns of their relationships Secondly, I will attempt to answer two proposed research questions about the women’s affiliation and negotiation of Vietnamese identity within the domain of their intercultural relationships

4.1 Portraits

Linh

Linh was born in Bac Giang, a city not far to the north of Hanoi to a class family Her parents are both young, and Linh is their oldest child She spent her childhood with her paternal grandparents in a house which was opposite to where her parents and her two siblings lived Being a sentimental and family oriented woman, she has developed a close bond with her family, especially her paternal grandmother and mother who have greatly influenced her personalities and life decisions While she loves both of them dearly, she could not forget the childhood nightmare of witnessing their unresolved heated tension Her grandmother and mother used to “constantly curse each other, leaving her father

middle-in a dilemma, and the miserable kids crymiddle-ing” Growmiddle-ing up, she also witnessed her father’s unhealthy involvement in gambling, which has caused a great financial burden on her mom It was even disheartening for her to see him from a “decent man that was very disciplined, hardworking, never smoked or drank” to someone

“caught up in gambling and became a burden for his family” The account of her family’s mother vs daughter-in-law toxic relationship and her father as a bad example have implanted in this young girl’s mind the idea that she would never marry a Vietnamese guy to avoid being in the same situation as her mom’s

We first met in 2015 when she moved to Hanoi to pursue her higher education I always remember her as a sweet, caring, and emotional girl who was constantly in deep homesickness and would never waste a second of our break to

rush back home In 2016, she was granted a scholarship to study in Hungary Little did she know that her childhood wish of dating a foreign guy would come true that soon

Linh and Andy met in a crowded pub in Budapest in the early days of the

2016 dreadful Eastern Europe winter She was drawn to his warmth, and eventually seeing him everyday became a habit A few months later, she moved in with him and they have been spending everyday together since then:

When I first got here (Budapest), I was so lonely and homesick, so I often hung out at the bars There were some guys that approached and asked for

my number I would often give them and ask them to show me fun places because they are local He is one of them He speaks the best English among all the guys On our first date, he was such a gentleman He paid for everything! [ ] And he is funny He is very funny, always making jokes And he was gallant and warm It was just lovely to have someone bring nuts and snacks for you in the middle of those freezing days…

Linh constantly refers to her relationship as very ordinary, just “two boring people getting together”, but relaxed and sheltering because Andy appeals to her

as an ideal man in Vietnamese standards Linh appears to me as a Vietnamese at heart, but always eager to explore new ideas and perspectives Her identity development within the domain of this relationship is characterized by great integration into the host country’s society, and consequently, active redefinitions

of her existing beliefs Her identity negotiations have been the outcomes of not solely her relationship with Andy, but also the interactions with people and culture that Andy introduced her to What is significant about her is the development of a strong feminist identity on the basis of comparisons with Vietnamese values learned from her family Her relationship is also unique to me partly because of the intervention of a Vietnamese guy that was pursuing her Although the guy was smart, attentive, caring, and sweet, Linh chose to stay in her relationship because

he failed to give her a sense of security and certainty that she wanted It is indeed intriguing, that not the Vietnamese guy, but a white Caucasian man possesses traits

of a man that Linh deems desirable In the process of battling within her own self, eventually, she still clings to her Vietnamese notion of an ideal man The rejection