Timeless truths for modern mindfulness a practical guide to a more focused and quiet mind by arnie kozak

Why I Practice Mindfulness Meditation: Getting into Your Meditation Seat Axiom: Problems don’t have to be problems.. Buddha 2.0: The Buddha Wasn’t a Buddhist Meditation: Following Sounds

Copyright © 2018 by Arnie Kozak

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Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-2802-8Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-2803-5

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For all my students, past, present, and future.

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Section I: Appreciating Mindfulness

Chapter 1 A Brief History of Mindfulness

Meditation: Starting Wherever You Are

Axiom: Separate efforts from results.

Chapter 2 Why I Practice Mindfulness

Meditation: Getting into Your Meditation Seat

Axiom: Problems don’t have to be problems.

Chapter 3 Buddha 2.0: The Buddha Wasn’t a Buddhist

Meditation: Following Sounds

Axiom: Thank you; No thank you.

Chapter 4 Mindfulness and Your Religion

Meditation: Get Curious about Your Mind

Axiom: There is no goal for mindfulness meditation practice.

Section II: How to Practice

Chapter 5 How to Pay Attention

Meditation: Breathing 101

Axiom: Every burden is also a teacher.

Chapter 6 Demythologizing Practice

Meditation: Getting Intimate with Your Body (Body Scan)

Axiom: Investigate the energy underlying the story.

Chapter 7 The Buddha’s Top Five Obstacles to Practice

Meditation: Walking

Axiom: Unwanted visitations don’t have to be proliferated.

Chapter 8 Meditation and Daily Life

Meditation: Informal Practice

Axiom: You are permitted to drive the speed limit.

Chapter 9 What You Can Expect from Practice

Meditation: Intentional Breathing

Axiom: Not every problem can/should be fixed.

Section III: Mindfulness in Action

Chapter 10 Operating Instructions for Your Brain

Meditation: The Breathing Body

Axiom: Your rational brain has a different agenda than your emotional brain: know the difference.

Chapter 11 Evolution

Meditation: Working with Your Stress Cues

Axiom: What’s the best way to take care of myself in this moment?

Chapter 12 Overcoming FEAR

Meditation: AIR—Appreciate, Inquire, and Revise

Axiom: Calibrate your GPS: Get some rest, put things in context, start again in the next moment.

Chapter 13 Embracing Adversity

Meditation: Embracing Adversity

Axiom: Actions are preferable to interpretations.

Chapter 14 Undoing Trauma and Pain

Meditation: Metabolizing Trauma

Axiom: Mindlessness never takes a vacation.

Chapter 15 Dealing with Equanimity Lapses

Meditation: Forgiveness

Axiom: Grief is the admission price to the present moment.

Section IV: Going Deeper

Chapter 16 Changing the Way You See the World

Meditation: Open Presence without Agenda

Axiom: Hope is not the same thing as confidence.

Chapter 17 The Buddha’s Revolutionary Project

Meditation: Finding Joy, Rest, and Peace

Axiom: Vulnerability is simply what happens to embodied beings who live

in a world subject to the laws of physics and evolution.

Chapter 18 The Buddha’s First Teaching

Meditation: What Does the Mind Want?

Axiom: Don’t believe anything you think.

Chapter 19 Who’s Running the Show?

Meditation: Mind Scan

Axiom: Two words that make all the difference: “This is happening” versus “This is happening to me.”

Section V: Going Even Deeper

Chapter 20 Mindfulness with a Capital “M”

Meditation: Breathing through Resistance

Axiom: We are human becomings who take form through an impetus toward interest, joy, and care.

Chapter 21 A Value-Driven Life

Meditation: Opening the Heart

Axiom: We are not to blame AND we are responsible.

Chapter 22 Making the World a Better Place

Meditation: Working with Chronic Pain

Axiom: The “point” of life is to negotiate the laws of physics in ways that

are sustaining, and where possible, graceful, joyful, and significant.

Chapter 23 Inching toward Awakening

Meditation: Sitting Still

Axiom: Perfectionism is a cheat against impermanence.

Chapter 24 Moving from FEAR into the Vast

Meditation: Mindfulness of Music

Axiom: Sovereignty is nothing other than telling shame and death to go f*%# themselves.

Chapter 25 Unconditional Happiness

Meditation: Emptiness

Axiom: Take care of meaning and happiness takes care of itself.

Core Principles

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

any minds (and hands) touch a book in the process of its writing My agent Grace Freedson gotthe attention of Susan Randol who acquired the book for Skyhorse Publishing Michele Rubintook over from Susan and helped to bring the book to completion I am particularly grateful for herinterest in mindfulness and her helping to make this work more accessible to the reader She hasbreathed air into this manuscript, much like we do in mindfulness meditation

My friends and readers, Erik Sween and Richard Pinckney, contributed insightful edits to thefinal draft Dr Pinckney was one of my first mindfulness students many years ago and his edits wereparticularly helpful

Practicing mindfulness for almost three decades, I’ve indebted myself to many teachers,colleagues, and, of course, students

My dogs, Harley and Sumi are not only constant companions but great teachers on the potential

of mindful (and mindless!) living

The most divine consolation is without a doubt contained within the human itself We would not know very well what to do with the consolations of a god All that is necessary is for our eye to be

a trace more seeing, for our ear to be more receptive, for the flavor of a fruit to enter us more completely, for us to be able to tolerate more scent, and, in touching and being touched, to be more present-minded and less oblivious—in order to receive from our most immediate experiences consolations that would be more convincing, more significant and truer than any suffering that can ever unsettle us.

—Rainer Maria Rilke from Letters on Life

Introduction

here is a mindfulness craze happening now It’s everywhere you look—on magazine covers,your local hospital, and in the news By reading this book, you may have jumped on this

bandwagon While I am happy that you have selected Timeless Truths for Modern Mindfulness , I’d

like your experience of mindfulness to be much more than a passing fad This book presents apractical, portable, and even profound way of integrating the practices and principles of mindfulnessinto your life If you read this book, learn the principles, and do the practices, your life will probablychange in dramatic ways It could rework the way you relate to yourself, others, and the world Itcould fundamentally alter the way you deal with adversity, pain, and disappointment In short,mindfulness can transform the way you live I regard these changes as positive I also know that thesere-shapings can be a radical departure from the status quo If you want to keep your life as it is—don’t read this book!

If you have jumped on the mindfulness bandwagon, I want you to now jump off! Mindfulness ismore than just “present moment” attention It is more than just “being in the now.” It’s being here nowwith love in your heart and peace in your body Mindfulness is not just about being less stressed andmore relaxed It is not just about being able to concentrate more Mindfulness is integral to becoming

a wise and ethical person If you perhaps already consider yourself to be both wise and ethical, thenmindfulness will help you to become wiser and more ethical Since you’ve picked up this book,you’ve likely heard of mindfulness already You may have opinions about it, and may have even given

it a try

My concern with the current enthusiasm for mindfulness is that it is presented as something of apanacea—all things for all people Mindfulness does embody a suite of generic mind capabilities anddoes have broad applicability However, it is not a magic pill There is no silver bullet, and seriousmindfulness practice requires serious commitment Often, mindfulness is presented without reference

to its Buddhist origins I’d like to re-introduce that context, but do so with Buddha at the center ofmindfulness practice rather than the Buddhist religions

You can use mindfulness to be a better version of yourself That’s fine, effective, and withinreach You can reduce stress, be more present to your children, and be less reactive You can evenhave better sex It can be much more, too You can also use mindfulness as part of a radical self-transformation process By transformation, I mean changing the fundamental way you relate toyourself, others, and the world By radical I mean an abrupt departure from the “business as usual”

sense of self Gone will be a materialistic, self-centered existence—not that you actually have tojettison material possessions, success, or wealth The end-point of this revolutionary process is the

capacity to experience happiness in your life regardless of circumstances—internal and external This is a radical idea, and one that the historical Buddha advocated about twenty-five hundred years

ago It represents freedom from conditions—an unconditional happiness Beyond advocating for such

a transformation, the Buddha also developed technologies, such as mindfulness meditations, toaccomplish it These methods are part intellectual as well as part ethical Intellectually, it requireshaving a deep understanding and appreciation for the way things work, including and especially yourmind Ethically, it underscores that the actions we take have consequences Thus, it makes sense toaim thoughts, emotions, and behaviors toward outcomes that are beneficial, wholesome, and evenbeautiful for yourself, the people in your life, and the planet The final piece is meditation—trainingthe mind so that it can work on your behalf to bring happiness, peace, and goodness The science ofpsychology also has something to contribute to the realization of the Buddha’s project of liberation.I’ll share insights from my work in psychology from over the past thirty years, along with insightsfrom my personal meditation practice over the same period of time

There are a lot of books out there that make a lot of promises You’ve probably read some ofthese Here is my promise What follows in this book is what I like to think of as a no-nonsense, non-gimmicky, yet accessible way to make real change These changes won’t be instantaneous and won’tlast unless you put in the effort I’ve field tested these ideas with myself, my patients, and the people Ihave had the privilege to teach Dip in a little, dip in a lot To whatever extent you let mindfulnessinto your life, you will benefit If you’d like to take it all the way to unconditional happiness, keepreading

In order to get the most benefit from mindfulness, there are a few issues I want to clarify First,

we need to get beyond the caricature of mindfulness as an ever-serene, gentle countenance of being

Living mindfully can sometimes look like that, but not always Instead, living mindfully will still be

your life—in all its strengths and imperfection—only with less reactivity The popular perception ofmindfulness as a kind of peaceful ideal is not always helpful, because it is just another stumblingblock Living mindfully is challenging enough without putting extra pressure on yourself Second, weneed to reclaim the Buddha from the Buddhist religions that coopted him twenty-five hundred yearsago The Buddha was a revolutionary, and he had a radical vision for himself and the rest of

humanity This was not a religious perspective but a secular, psychological, and existential one The

Buddha wanted to find the best way to live This was a way that maximized happiness or whatphilosophers call eudemonia—a state that goes beyond mere momentary happiness to a pervasivesense of well-being History, however, has painted the Buddha as the embodiment of supremeimperturbability He evolved into a vision of a luminous deity; a clairvoyant, performing miracles

He became a deathless god, rather than being born again as animal, human, or god The actual person

of Siddhartha Gotama (Gotama is the historical Buddha’s family name; Siddhartha was a designation

that came long after he was dead) is more recognizable in you and me He had aches and pains,frustrations, and an edge to his personality when needed He was not always the supreme and

invariable face of peace, gentleness, and light Instead, the Buddha was pragmatic and only interested

in helping people He rejected intellectual speculation, ideologies, and metaphysics of all kinds Hefocused on mindfulness as the key to his teaching Third, one of the challenges of integratingmindfulness, or any change process, is the expectations that are brought to that process It’s easy to getcaught up in perfectionistic standards, and mindfulness is not immune to this This book is designed tohelp you integrate mindfulness into your life in an authentic way By authentic I mean something thatresonates with you, something that you can actually use to live in the world differently, and somethingthat makes your life more meaningful This integration doesn’t need to be perfect In fact, it cannotpossibly be Throughout the book we will address the pitfalls that can prevent this genuine integrationfrom happening

Timeless Truths for Modern Mindfulness contains everything you need to know about

mindfulness and the Buddha’s teachings on living an awakened life to get your practice off the ground

In addition to mindfulness principles and guided practices, I will share with you a set of axioms—practical and likely true propositions—that I have taught over the years These axioms and practicesgive you a blueprint for a deep, durable, and sustainable form of happiness Blueprint isn’t the exactmetaphor here, since a blueprint is exact Think of these, instead, as guideposts that you can makeyour own as you see fit The book progresses from basic mindfulness to more advanced topics, with

an invitation to go deeper, and then even deeper You may find it helpful to practice the meditations ineach section of the book for a while (let’s say, for weeks or even months) before moving on to thenext section By moving through the book in this way, you’ll be able to integrate the practices andinsights in a fruitful way

I think that a balanced approach might be best Humanity is capable of such beauty and suchhorror Both individual and group psychology determine which outcome we create Increased self-

awareness at the individual level can make the world a better place Meanwhile, we should try not

view the world in an overly negative way Relative to our ancestors, this is a great time to be alive

We no longer die of common infections Technology has brought ease to our lives in ways that wouldhave been unfathomable even at the turn of the twentieth century Science continues to make advances.Despite isolated pockets of terrorism, ethnic cleansing, and civil war, the world is less violent todaythan it has been in its bloody past

Mindfulness can help us to celebrate life’s wonderment and ameliorate life’s woes People canand do use these practices to insulate themselves from the pain of the world But I would like to offermindfulness as a way to engage with the world, rather than as a shield against its darkness I want tooffer mindfulness as a path to maintaining a sense of peace, balance, and stability The world needs

us to not turn away, but rather to turn toward it with a courageous heart By reading, understanding,practicing, and experimenting with the principles and exercises in this book, you can develop thebravery needed to be an agent of change in the world You can start right here and right now with yourown self Your well-being is the foundation for everything else

Mindlessness is the opposite of mindfulness, but we don’t have a similar conjunction for self.Selfless is opposite of selfish When we transform the self through mindfulness, it doesn’t becomeselfless That isn’t quite right Instead, the mindful self is full of virtuous qualities such ascompassion, friendliness, appreciation, and inimitable peacefulness We can be selfless for selfishreasons—trumpeting our identity as caring, sacrificing, and ego-less We can be self-serving in how

we identify ourselves The real goal is to get rid of all identifications, to not own any of the attributesthat can be attributed to self This self is motivated internally by a wish to live with values that arenot self-serving; to be self-aware, and to take responsibility for one’s life

C HAP TER 1

A Brief History of Mindfulness

indfulness could just have well been called something else It is the translation of a Pali

language word sati It wasn’t until the middle of the last century that it become the prevailing English translation Before then it was translated as remembering or even self-discipline.

There are a number of factors that have contributed to the explosion in the popularity ofmindfulness In 1979, Jon Kabat-Zinn founded the Stress Reduction Clinic and started teachingmindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center Here

he taught a secularized version of Buddhist meditation The success of that program and his popular

books on mindfulness—Full Catastrophe Living and Wherever You Go, There You Are— put

mindfulness on the map It’s not an exaggeration to say that without MBSR, the professional careerthat I have had as a mindfulness-based psychotherapist, teacher, and author would not have beenpossible Other early influences from the 1970s include American teachers, such as Joseph Goldstein,Sharon Salzberg, Jack Kornfield, and Larry Rosenberg, who traveled to Asia and brought mindfulness(insight) meditation back to America and founded residential meditation centers, such as the InsightMeditation Society in Massachusetts Other influences were the prolific writings of the influentialVietnamese Zen Buddhist monk Thich Naht Hanh, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama who were makingBuddhism a household world Our culture was also responsive to mindfulness, as many peoplehungered for another way of being that was not based on constant busyness, stress, and pressure Inmany ways, the problems we confront today are similar to those of the Buddha’s time—materialism,rapid change, uncertainty—but the Buddha’s followers didn’t have to deal with smart phones, theInternet, and driverless cars The more inundated with information we get, the more we may long forthe quiet that mindfulness can bring

Mindfulness was also the term that Harvard social psychologist Ellen Langer used to describe

her research into the opposite of mindlessness For her, mindfulness is the ability to be flexible with

thinking and to avoid jumping to premature conclusions Her mindfulness does not involve meditation

• No props required: no special clothes, cushions, bells, incense, statues These things

won’t do the practice for you! However, there is nothing wrong with having them, you just

don’t need them.

• No special conditions necessary: You can practice in an environment that is noisy, too

warm or too cold, or that has other distractions Of course, if you have a protected, quiet,and conducive space that is great, and even helpful at the beginning stages

• Don’t add anything to the practice Check to see if you have assumptions for how

practice should go Perhaps these ideas come from images you’ve seen about meditation orthings you’ve heard from friends or other people Also check to see if you have any desiresabout what should or should not be happening These are never helpful The onlyassumption that helps is to assume that your purpose here is to get to know yourself betterand to have confidence that you can do that You are trying to make contact with what ishappening in this moment without adding anything—that is how you get to know yourselfbetter

Researchers have also identified mindfulness as a personality trait, something that we each have more

or less of The Buddha’s mindfulness overlaps with these ideas, yet is also different than theseconcepts Just as we all have some mindfulness as a personality trait, we all have the potential to bemindful—Buddha style We can reach that potential and grow our capacity for mindfulness throughintellect, conscientiousness, and meditation practice

Meditation: Starting Wherever You Are

It’s important to remember that you don’t need any special props to meditate You don’t need any

“just right” conditions You can practice wherever and however you are in any moment This

flexibility, portability, and durability is the power of mindfulness practice The point of mindfulnesspractice is not to create some special state Rather, the goal is to appreciate what is happening in yourexperience now That’s the starting place When you start to really appreciate what is going on, you’llalso start to see how you are adding things to your experience, such as expectations These add-onsactually get in the way of your experience of the moment because they cover reality with imagination.Here are some considerations:

Axiom: Separate efforts from results.

We live in a culture that is very results oriented We can lose sight of the fact that sometimes, despiteour best efforts, things don’t work out as planned Often, this is because we can’t really manage theoutcomes because they depend on people or things that we can’t control Sometimes we give it anoble try, and we fail That’s it It makes sense to invest energy in the things that we can control (likeeffort) and divest energy from the things we cannot control (results).

The Buddha valued effort as being one of eight critical ways of being-in-the-world The otherswere mindfulness, concentration, intelligence, resolve, and the ethics of actions, speech, and work.The Buddha thought that intentions were important—perhaps even more important than actionsthemselves, or the outcomes of those actions Of course, to know your intentions, you must know themind It’s no good to be lazy about it That’s no excuse “I didn’t mean to” is not an intention Fromfirst becoming aware of intentions and understanding what is happening in the moment, the next step is

not becoming attached to the results My friend Jaimal Yogis writes in his latest book, All Our Waves

are Water , about seeing a sign that said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” That

captures this axiom nicely It doesn’t matter if you miss that shot; it matters if you take it There is

also a saying in golf, “never up, never in” which refers to the difficulty of making putts Timidity canprevent the golfer from hitting the putt with enough force The ball then stops short underneath thehole While this putt will not go screaming past the hole, it never has a chance to go in

It’s easy to castigate yourself when things don’t go according to plan However, you can inquirewith yourself about your efforts When we let go of the fear of failure, a space opens up where effortscan be made Sometimes with good results

C HAP TER 2

Why I Practice Mindfulness

am often asked in interviews about how I got started with meditation I have some stock answersthat include my paradoxical orthodox Hebrew education I wasn’t sent to this kind of schoolbecause my family was observant, but because that temple did not require membership I also sharethat I had grown up in the 1970s knowing that my mom was doing TM (Transcendental Meditation) Ihad “discovered” meditation on my own without being taught During my senior year in high schoolbefore the state championship track and field meet, I sat by myself on the bus and stared out thewindow, concentrating on the pattern of the road markings as they moved through my field of vision Ientered into trance state and later performed my personal best This spontaneous meditation wassomewhat analogous to the Buddha’s meditation under the rose apple tree I was seventeen and theBuddha was only eight, but it was similar in the sense that it was neither planned nor premeditated It

happened at and in the moment.

I have been practicing meditation in one form or another since 1983, and specificallymindfulness meditation since 1989 In college, when I was exposed to Sanskrit chanting, it just madesense to me, although I didn’t know why at the time Long before I had the vocabulary to understand

my introversion and long before I could fully occupy that identity, meditation served as my solace,restoration, and foothold to sanity In fact, I turned away from my first spiritual practice of SiddhaYoga because it was too extroverted I didn’t realize that at the time On many occasions, the required

sadhana (spiritual practice) was working all night on some big project rather than spending time in

meditation I also flirted with Tibetan Buddhism and received teachings from His Holiness the DalaiLama in Bodhgaya, India This included taking the bodhisattva vows Tibetan Buddhism requiresextensive visualization, which I wasn’t particularly skilled at, and the practice never stuck After

beginning graduate school, I went to my first vipassana retreat This is also known as insight

meditation and is what we colloquially call mindfulness meditation Vipassana felt natural, likecoming home I first learned of vipassana or mindfulness meditation in Bodhghaya I walked by the

vipassana practice center, and the meditation schedule for a retreat was posted on the wrought irongate The itinerary consisted of continuous meditation throughout the day, from four o’clock in themorning until nine o’clock at night—periods of sitting and walking meditation with breaks for meals.

An arduous undertaking My schedule didn’t permit staying for this retreat, but I said to myself, “I’vegot to try that someday.” Fast-forward three years I have just finished my first year of graduateschool in clinical psychology, and a friend says that he and his wife are going to a vipassana retreat

“Want to come?” Without hesitating, I said, “Yes!” That decision to dive in began my meditationcareer in earnest My path started with a retreat However, there are many ways to invite mindfulnessinto your life and not all of them require a silent retreat

I have often described that retreat as the single most difficult and beneficial experience of mylife I didn’t know that sitting in silence for ten days would be so hard, physically, mentally, andemotionally It was an unprecedented experience Where else can we be supported to do nothing otherthan meditation all day long? Meals were cooked and served, and I was divested from any of myusual responsibilities Back then, we didn’t have mobile phones, but we vowed to renounce reading,writing, and talking for those ten days These renunciations are known as “noble silence,” and theycreate a crucible in which to practice Intensity increases as the hours pass with no distractions ordiversions My mind tried to distract itself by remembering episodes from television shows, but thatinner noise finally left me, and I was in the unadulterated experience of the present moment Thatretreat felt cleansing My concentration improved, and I felt more confident in school Reluctantly, Istarted a “daily” meditation practice Given the profound benefit that I experienced, it was surprisingthat I struggled to sit on a regular basis A few years later, I went to my second silent ten-day retreat.This was the second-most difficult experience of my life, yet no less valuable I often go “kicking andscreaming” to my meditation seat I have learned, over the years, that this is due to my unique way ofbeing-in-the-world My own being-in-the-world comes from my inborn temperament, learninghistory, and current circumstances At the second retreat I had some insight into why I was feelingsuch resistance to meditation It was as if I were being watched and critically judged by a group of

unknown figures The message: It was not okay to be there on retreat I should have been somewhere

doing something else—like writing my dissertation These were the voices of my super-ego, the voiceand image of my critical father, and my own tendency to place harsh expectations on myself—what I

call my strident self In the silence of the retreat, I studied this sense of disquiet under the microscope

of yogic analysis I could see that these thoughts of not okayness were not just about being on the retreat, it applied to everything—every thought, feeling, and movement I made in the world I didn’t know it at the time, but I was having insight into dukkha—the Buddha’s most basic observation about

the nature of experience It is tinged with suffering, anguish, and dissatisfaction I always had thesense that something was off, wrong, and needed to be fixed without having any sense of how thatmight be done If I turned to the right, I felt like I should have turned to the left If I turned to the left, Iwas pushed back the other way This pervasive “dis-ease” followed me everywhere, and as I

deepened my appreciation for the Buddha’s teachings and meditation practices, I knew that I was notalone When I sat down to meditate, this sense of not okayness barreled into my spirit When I wasyounger, and less spiritually mature, I was frightened by the intensity of this critical judgment Now, Ican sit with it and put it in context as the normal functioning of the mind Its power can be diminishedwhen touched with serious mindfulness practice.

If you think about, it’s strange that it would be so difficult for us to do the things that we knoware good for us and, yet, this is often the case For example, only half of patients take their medicine

as prescribed Exercise resolutions start out strong in the New Year and then fade Studies show thatmost people put weight back on again after losing it We have something in our minds that is similar

to the immune system that will attack anything that it perceives as a threat The question then is whatmakes meditation (and other beneficial things) a threat Perhaps the part of our mind that wants to feel

in control is threatened by the freedom meditation represents That’s one hypothesis If meditation issuccessful, then that protecting self would be out of a job It would rather rule by anxiety, coercion,and restriction than to relinquish itself into the inexorable, uncontrollable, and impermanent flow oflife Therefore, if we are not careful, we can undermine our own efforts to awaken We don’t haveenough time; we don’t feel like practicing, and when we do practice, our efforts aren’t good enough Iwill address the obstacles to practice in much greater detail in the section “How to Practice.” Fornow, I think it is important we don’t set up unreasonable expectations for ourselves The fact that we

don’t just become perfect yogis at the outset is not a failing I have had to deal with my strident self

for decades These shaming, blaming, and controlling internal stories seek to sabotage my practice Atthe same time, I have learned how to work with them to diminish their influence

I am committed to meditation, and my aim is to sit daily In reality, daily is most days, if I amlucky Days get missed, and for a variety of reasons I have sat many retreats over the years, but Ihave tended to avoid the lengthier ones in favor of weekend and daylong retreats Yet, when I do sitfor an extended period of time, I always find the experience profoundly beneficial As I write, I amacutely aware that I am overdue for a long retreat, and I see how the busyness of my life conspiresagainst this By the time I am finished writing this book, perhaps I’ll be ready for the next retreat

Meditation: Getting into Your Meditation Seat

There are two considerations for your meditation seat The first is the physical posture you’ll bestriking Often this will be sitting, but it can also be walking, standing, or lying down We’ll call thesepossibilities your physical seat The second is your intentional seat This is the attitude that you bring

to practice—the willingness to set aside the mind’s “business as usual” to investigate your experiencewith mindfulness The intentional seat requires commitment, energy, and even vulnerability—whoknows what you’ll find when you practice Holding your physical seat also requires dedication and

effort, and when you sit in an upright and dignified way that posture can open you to a richeremotional presence How you sit is not as important as the attitude you bring For the physicalposture, the major guideline is to keep the back straight—neither rigid like a pole nor slouching Thisupright stance will help to keep your breath moving without restriction With your shoulders back,you’ll feel less protective, less defensive You will open yourself more to whatever will happen aswell Likewise, the mind shouldn’t be rigid either The Buddha used the metaphor of a musical string

to guide the best kind of effort You don’t want it to be so tight that it snaps, but neither do you want it

to be so loose that it can’t produce a pleasing sound In each of the meditation practices that followthroughout this book, the first instruction will be to “take your seat.”

Axiom: Problems don’t have to be problems.

It occurs to me that there is a tendency to think of problems as “problems.” That is, problems aresomething bad, something to be avoided “Problems are for losers” might be the motto Yet, in realityproblems don’t have to be problems unless we make them so As human beings, we evolved andsucceeded as a species precisely because we were such expert problem solvers In fact, in order for

us to feel connected to a purposeful life, we must do meaningful work (see Axiom: Take care of

meaning and happiness takes care of itself) I think that as a culture, we have lost sight of this.Problems don’t have to diminish They can ennoble, engage, and enliven It all depends on your mind-set

One big reason problems become problems is because their presence sets off reactivity In thesemoments, you might get anxious about dealing with the problem and not know how to proceed In thatmoment, it’s as if you’ve forgotten your long history of overcoming obstacles After all, you probablywouldn’t be here reading this book if you didn’t have a successful resume of problem solving There

is no need to freak out In addition, sometimes problems don’t even need to be solved You just need

to breathe through the uncertainty until the situation passes Many problems only exist as anxiousanticipations, as they never come to pass Still, when there is a problem, you can tap into your deepreservoir of resourcefulness to find the knowledge, strength, or resolve to get through it

Recently, I took my motorcycle out on its first spring ride The Harley had been plugged in allwinter and started right up At the bottom of my hill (a three-mile-long dirt road), the engine died Icouldn’t restart it What was I going to do? My mind raced around a bit, got frustrated, and started tomake this dilemma into a problem Recognizing that I was doing this to myself, I decided to takeaction The situation did not need to be a source of anguish Rather, I would deal with it as a series oftasks I rolled the bike down to the post office just off the corner and parked it I decided that I wouldwalk home, get my key, and drive back down in my truck and lock it up Then I’d figure it out fromthere As I was walking up the hill, I realized that I might be able to bring it to the vintage motorcycle

shop not a hundred yards down the road from the post office In my feeling-sorry-for-myself state, Iwas not mindful enough to remember this possibility Once I had stopped allowing the situation to be

a problem, the solution emerged Indeed, they were open and fixed my battery, and I was on my way.When we make problems into problems we are like the character David Balfour in Robert Louis

Stevenson’s Kidnapped He was so preoccupied with feeling sorry for himself that he could not

discover the way off the island It was only when he stopped making his predicament into a problemthat his way became clear

The sense of diminishment we feel when problems arise is a big issue Technology has given usamazing conveniences It no longer takes an entire day and hard labor to do a load of laundry, but if

we think that all of life should be utter ease, then we are bound to feel frustrated when things don’t goaccording to plan Underlying the fear of being a “loser” is a sense of perfectionism (see Axiom:

Perfectionism is a cheat against impermanence) These go hand in hand—life should be perfect and

convenient

Problems ask you to focus What needs to be taken care of here? What’s the next step? Thesequestions are invitations to meditate on the present moment and to engage in action When an activeapproach is required, any action is probably better than inaction However, sometimes the key tosolving a problem is patience Because of the basic human tendency of wanting to “fix” everything,you can engage in action for the sake of action and lose sight of the value of forbearance (see Axiom:

Not every problem can/should be fixed) Exquisite attention to the present moment is required to

determine whether action is likely to be beneficial

C HAP TER 3

Buddha 2.0: The Buddha Wasn’t a Buddhist

efore we go any further, I want to put Buddha and Buddhism in context In fact, there is not one

“Buddhism” but many Buddhist religions While Buddhism is considered to be a nontheisticreligion, in some Asian contexts the Buddha is revered, worshipped, and seen as a transcendentbeing This is not how the Buddha saw himself, nor did he want his students to see him in this way.The Buddha “preached” a gospel of self-sufficiency; whatever he had attained was available toanyone with sufficient commitment, dedication, and openness The Buddha’s approach was secular—even psychological—before there was a term for psychology The closest professional model was thephysician This is how the Buddha viewed himself—as a doctor with healing medicine for humanity.Instead of pills, the prescription was understanding (wisdom), personal responsibility (ethics), anddiscipline (meditation)

Following the convention set by the popular Wisdom 2.0 conference, the secular BuddhistStephen Batchelor has argued that Buddhism needs to be updated for our times, and he has proposed aBuddhism 2.0 Since I feel that any “-ism” can be problematic, I propose Buddha 2.0 I feel weshould go back as far as we can to the original Buddha and then catapult him into the present (andskipping over the Buddhist religions) The movement from 1.0 to 2.0 is more than just a softwareupgrade It represents something more akin to a paradigm shift Buddha 2.0 might be just asmomentous a reimagining—a more human, accessible, and realistic version of this great teacher

The Buddha was radical because he went against the prevailing beliefs of his time People of hisday engaged in rituals administered by priests They believed in reincarnation and in an immortal soulthat was separate from the body—an essential unchanging self Bronze Age India had (and still has) acaste system The caste system predetermined one’s place in society, and it was believed that you

were born into your caste based on your past deeds and misdeeds (that is, karma) Therefore, people

were born into different roles in society and were valued differently based on their karma (good andbad deeds) in previous lives The Buddha rejected these ideas His awakening was democratic—

available to anyone, even Untouchables He was also revolutionary in his treatment of women,permitting them to join the community of practitioners with equal opportunity to awaken This vision

of equality has, unfortunately, not always been preserved in the Buddhist traditions that followed theBuddha The Buddha’s emphasis on intellect, personal responsibility, and effort made spiritual lifeegalitarian Anyone could awaken to their full potential as human beings, not just those fortunateenough to be born male into a high caste In many ways, the Buddha’s approach is very consistentwith our modern progressive values that see each individual as capable and worthy of a good life.Buddha was a visionary, and a great teacher who inadvertently founded one of the world’s greatreligions

I wonder what the Buddha would think of everything that has happened in his name over the pasttwenty-five centuries, especially around the theme of self-sufficiency People in general just can’tresist making rules Rules turn into dogmas and then become institutions This penchant, evenaddiction, for dogma is similar to our own tendency to make expectations, assumptions, and rules forourselves (and we’ll talk more about that later) The Buddha felt that the teachings—the dharma—was his legacy It wasn’t the person of the Buddha, the wise sage, that people should hold onto.Because of his wish to de-emphasize personality, he didn’t name a successor Nor did he want hiscommunity to be rule bound, although there were some rules that the monks had to follow Instead, heencouraged his students to follow only the important rules, yet did not really tell them which rulesthese were This wasn’t an oversight It came from his teaching that rules should not exist for the sake

of being a rule and should not be followed blindly Instead, each rule needed to be evaluated in thecontext of the moment

When I refer to the Buddha, I am assuming that he was an actual historical person, and thisassumption is widely supported However, other than this most basic of facts, not much is known of

the Buddha’s life All of his teachings or sutras (sutta in Pali) were memorized by his followers and

preserved in an oral tradition for several hundred years until they were written down When they

were finally recorded, the official sutras were sanctioned by committee in large Buddhist councils.

There were three of these councils over hundreds of years There are no surviving texts from the time

of those councils—only later commentaries and translations Therefore, the words of the Buddhawere not exactly the words of the Buddha but are the closest approximations that we have They havebeen, without doubt, amended, edited, and embellished over the intervening two and a half millennia.The Buddha said very little of his life prior to becoming the “awakened one” (which is, after all,what Buddha means) A further problem is that scholars know that the details of the Buddha’s lifewere glorified in the centuries following his death and transformed Gotama from an extraordinaryhuman being to something akin to a god Given the poetic license that Buddhists have taken regardingBuddha’s life, the words of the Buddha should not be interpreted literally Buddha himself was not aliteralist He used a lot of metaphor, irony, and satire in his lectures He punned, ridiculed, andparodied the prevailing beliefs of his time Unfortunately, a lot of these rhetorical flourishes were

taken as gospel truth, resulting in the Buddha being seen as a religious mystic instead of the secularsocial reformer that he was.

The Buddha’s story is most commonly portrayed as the tale of a prince who relinquished hiskingdom in favor of spiritual truth In order to make this story work, dramatic elements were added,details embellished, and convoluted narrative plots inserted The most egregious of these tales is thatGotama had not seen an old, sick, or dead person before the age of twenty-nine The story’s dramarelies on the Buddha being shocked into existential horror the first time he sees this This shock spurshis spiritual quest The story still works without this twist, if less dramatically No doubt, he sawplenty of aging, sickness, and death among his relatives and servants within the palace walls Theflesh and blood Gotama, we can speculate, was a cosmopolitan person, a young member of the rulingclass, and likely educated far from his home in Kapilivatu His father might have been more amagistrate than a King Nevertheless, the Buddha was friendly with the princes of his region Onewas his lifelong friend, King Pasenadi The different sources of his biography all assert that he lefthome at the age of twenty-nine in search of some way to resolve the affliction of being alive

A quick summary of his biography will help us here Buddha was born into a privileged,worldly life Despite this fortunate existence, he always felt like something was off, not quite right.The existence of sickness, old age, and death were particularly troubling to him This disquietmotivated him to find a solution to these facts of human existence At the age of twenty-nine, he lefthis family behind to seek the truth He studied with the great gurus of his day; it turned out he was ameditation prodigy Two of these teachers wanted him to be their successor, but he refused AlthoughGotama could feel a state of bliss through meditation, he would always return to the unsatisfactoryconditions of human life Leaving these ashrams, he went into the forest to become a wanderingascetic He lived outside, practiced intensive yogas, and, after six years of these extremes, had nearlystarved himself to death It wasn’t working He hadn’t resolved the question of suffering, even though

he had used the power of his mind to tame his body He could now withstand hunger, pain, and cold,but he hadn’t gained the deeper wisdom he was seeking He had gone from one extreme to the other—from indulgence to deprivation—and neither had worked Frustrated and with nothing to lose, hedecided to try to find a middle path between these extremes He ate some rice, gathered strength, andfound a shady tree to sit beneath This was in Urevela, in what is now Bodhgaya in the Indian state ofBihar

The myth’s next chapter is what happened under that fig tree Rather than trying to dissociatehimself from this body, he decided to make his body the center of his focus, specifically on breathing.Whenever his mind strayed, he would refocus his attention on his breathing By grounding himselfthrough his breathing, he stabilized his attention Then, he began to follow the basic themes of humanexperience—desire, fear, self-identity—as they appeared and faded away in each moment Thus, heinvented insight or mindfulness meditation, a practice that was relatively straightforward, non-mystical, and embodied—that is, felt in the body as physical sensations in the here and now Practice

was the solution to his problem It was the solution to humanity’s problem What happened under thattree is often called “enlightenment.” However, you’ll also see it described as “awakening.” I thinkthis is a more accurate and helpful term Enlightenment sounds mystical; awakening is ordinary.

“Buddho” translates to “awaken” and “Buddha” literally means “one who has awakened.” Anyone

can awaken; everyone can become buddha Of course, there are many more details to this story, but

here you have the basics and what you need to know to move forward

The Buddha grew up in the traditional religious context of his day (Brahmanism) and wasexposed to all its beliefs, rituals, and practices There were basic metaphysical assumptions about thehuman condition It was assumed that the self was estranged from its true source in absoluteconsciousness Yoga, asceticism, and rituals were the ways to reunite the soul with god—god aseternal bliss, unity, and being The Buddha’s teachings were a reaction against these speculations andthe religious rituals, beliefs, and dogma that went along with them Speculations by their very naturetake one out of the present moment Religion required intermediary priests to administer rites andrituals, and to interpret the truth of scripture Instead, the Buddha envisioned a self-empowered

“religion” that did not require beliefs or intermediaries This “religion” is therefore no religion at all.Spiritual pursuit becomes a humanitarian, egalitarian, and psychological project You don’t need to

be a Buddhist to benefit from the Buddha’s teachings

The Buddha was a visionary human being who advocated a radical form of self-sufficiency Heasked his followers to take responsibility for their own well-being and encouraged them to do so incommunal forms We don’t revere the person of the Buddha, but we prize the possibility ofawakening available to all of us We can appreciate the Buddha’s accomplishments and his persistentteaching over the span of forty-five years He worked tirelessly and trekked over most of NorthernIndia many times He doesn’t need to be worshipped, unless that is your thing If it is, you can findcontexts for sanctifying the Buddha within the traditional Buddhist religions While you don’t have to

be a Buddhist, you don’t need to reject the Buddhist forms entirely Because they are built on the core

of the Buddha’s teachings, they hold much value For example, many people like the structure of Zenpractice with its robes, incense, chanting, and bowing I myself have done a lot of Zen practice It’s agreat context for quiet and inner work Its rituals, such as those around eating, encourage mindfulness

in daily activities I have a great fondness for Zen and my Zen teacher, but I have no interest in making

my commitment formal I recognize that Zen, like all the Buddhist forms, has departed from what theBuddha taught It is not what I consider to be Buddha 2.0

It would be hubris to assume that the Buddha had a complete set of realizations that could not beimproved upon Many of the great Buddhist yogis over the centuries have had great insights.Shantideva, Nagarjuna, and Milarpa are just a few However, when Buddhist forms depart fromBuddha’s basic principles—self-reliance, avoiding speculation, existential responsibility—theirsecular utility decreases It’s okay to pick and choose Your spiritual growth will benefit to the extentthat you can hold to the three principles of self-reliance, anti-speculation, and responsibility

Meditation: Following Sounds

Get into your meditation seat We live in a world of sound and sound itself can be an entry intomeditation We are enveloped by sound waves in every waking moment Unlike vision, where youcan close your eyes, we are situated in sounds We can’t close our ears We are endlessly exposed tointermittent as well as more continuous sounds Most of these sounds we ignore Some areunwelcome noises When you receive all that you hear consciously, these sounds will trigger naming,feelings, and associations You can focus your attention on sound itself You bring your mind backwhenever thoughts begin to pile up in your head, distracting and disturbing you

As you sit, locate the sounds happening now in your environment Try to appreciate the soundqualities Where is it located in space? What type of a sound is it? Try to come back from what thesounds mean or what they point to Rather, see if you can stay with the rhythms of the sound—pitch,oscillation, even melody (whether music or not) There are also sounds happening in your body rightnow, and if it is quiet enough, you can hear these Enjoy these sounds for a few minutes or for as long

as you like

Axiom: Thank you; No thank you.

This is one of my favorite and most used axioms It’s been a staple in my psychotherapy practice and

my teaching I try to practice it myself and each day brings plenty of opportunities Say “thank you” toall the valid critical feedback you get in your life—from other people, in your work, and from theworld at large Use that information to make yourself a better person Don’t take it personally “Thankyou” reorients you from a wide range of potentially aversive experience to a place of openness Toembrace “thank you” is to be in the world less defensively, and the energy that would otherwise go toprotecting yourself can go to developing yourself

Say “no thank you” to any feedback, criticism, or complaint that is not valid It can bechallenging to tell the difference between what is valid and what is not The more you study yourselfthrough mindfulness, the better you’ll get at discerning what’s valid The first step is to considerwhether the feedback has merit Check it out Does it fit? Could it be true? This stance shiftsdefensiveness toward curiosity The next step is to discern what is happening Does the statement saymore about the other person than yourself? Where are they coming from? Sometimes, you’ll need toinquire further When the feedback is based on a mistake, misunderstanding, or distortion, you arefree to say, “No thank you.” You don’t have to own it when it doesn’t fit In these cases, you knowwhat the truth is and you don’t necessarily have to prove it to the other party

If you dedicate yourself to intelligent self-improvement, there is nothing to take personally Notbeing perfect is part of the bargain, so feedback is inevitable Deflecting criticism can also be tricky

because we tend to overvalue the opinions of others With continued practice, you’ll get to knowyourself better and be able to trust your judgments more.

C HAP TER 4

Mindfulness and Your Religion

make no assumptions about your religion other than the fact that you might have been raised withinsome religious tradition Perhaps you still practice within that tradition or perhaps you no longer

do You may have a secular, humanistic, or atheistic perspective You may have adopted a newspiritual tradition You may believe that the universe is benign, intelligent, and concerned for yourwell-being Whatever your religious or spiritual orientation, mindfulness does not have to conflictwith it In fact, whatever your particular stance on these issues, mindfulness will help you better yourunderstanding of them Being present will help you to get more out of all aspects of your life,including religious practice Having the ability to clear away the noise in your head can help you to

be more perceptive of the divine

Meditation is a part of many religious traditions, and in some cases, these religious traditions

“own” these practices In many instances, however, you can do a particular meditation without having

to be a card-carrying member of that tradition You can do Dzogchen, a Tibetan Buddhist practice,without being a Tibetan Buddhist As we discussed, the relationship between Buddha and Buddhism

is complicated and often misunderstood Regardless, mindfulness is a practice that requires nobeliefs, prerequisites, or rites It is psychological Since we are all psychological creatures,mindfulness can be seen as natural practice Mindfulness can be part of any spiritual path, orconversely, it doesn’t have to be seen as spiritual at all Science too is studying its effects andbenefits The accumulating science on mindfulness sees its benefits as affecting both the brain and thebody Mindfulness programs can be found at just about any medical center, and these programs areoffered outside a spiritual or religious context Mindfulness will fit itself into whatever spaces exist

in your belief system, even when you don’t have one

Given these caveats, I’d like to offer my particular view on spirituality Mine is a secular,psychological view, much like the Buddha’s For me, spirituality reflects our most important values,whatever these are Spirituality encourages us to grow as human beings, to better ourselves, and to

make the world a better place (or at least not to make it worse!) Spirituality retains a sense ofwonder, awe, and humility while still recognizing and appreciating the contributions of science Ivalue truth, justice, beauty, and helping others Mindfulness helps me with all of these I gravitatedtoward mindfulness meditation as my practice because of its flexibility, adaptability, and amenability

to any point of view My spirituality is grounded in skepticism, another often misunderstood term.Skepticism requires an open and keenly attentive mind The skeptical mind is receptive to all kinds ofevidence, as long as that evidence is valid The skeptical mind tries to avoid making prematureconclusions—an attitude very consistent with mindfulness

Meditation existed long before there were organized religions Mindfulness meditations are anatural way of being-in-the-world, a way to express our unique humanity The Buddhists, however,have had a lot specific experience with meditation—twenty-five hundred years’ worth It is likelythat, within the context of the Buddhist religions, improvements have been made on the Buddha’soriginal teachings At the same time, it is very clear that the Buddha was a meditation prodigy and one

of the most startling original thinkers in the history of history What he untangled all those centuriesago still holds up today

Meditation: Get Curious about Your Mind

I call this meditation the Guided Tour of the Mind The better you know your mind, the easier it will

be to work with it The mind, like anything, has different components, processes, or aspects The mind

is a producer: it generates thoughts, memories, images, feelings, and sensations From the curiousperspective of mindfulness, all of these are neutral—just activity that you can pay attention to Youdon’t have to take any of it personally You don’t have to own it even though it issues forth from yourmind

Get into your meditation seat The mind is the flow of experience—some of that experiencecomes in the form of information, like words, and the rest is energy in the form of sensations Tonavigate the mind, you can think of interior space and exterior space Interior spaces include anythingthat is thought—an image, a memory, or any emotional feeling Exterior spaces are the five senses—sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and sensations in the body From your seat, sit and watch the mind’sshow come and go Don’t try to do anything with these products of the mind, other than pay attention

to them Appreciate the varied, if chaotic, process of the mind, wherever it goes Try to rotate thougheach possibility, noticing whatever might be present What do you see? If your eyes are open, you seecolors and forms If your eyes are closed, you see patterns of light and dark What do you hear? Doyou smell or taste anything? What’s happening in your body? Notice the sensations that arise fromsitting in the chair or on the floor All of this is just noticing Again, don’t try to do anything with any

of it Now turn your attention to the inner products, the bits of dialogue, conversation, and self-talk

that reach into the future or carry along the past Notice if there is commentary about what ishappening now—opinions about your current experience Are there mental images—imagined scenes

of the future or remembered from the past? What do you feel? Are these emotions changing? Whenyou’ve observed all these possibilities, you’ve completed the tour of the mind It’s helpful to knowwhat the mind is capable of producing In later practices, you’ll learn to work more deeply with allthem

Axiom: There is no goal for mindfulness meditation practice.

It seems paradoxical to say that we can endeavor to do something—like meditation—without having a

goal The goal for meditation is a different type of goal—it is based on a commitment to process rather than focused upon specific outcomes Of course, there are outcomes to meditations, and these

are most fruitfully realized as by-products rather than aimed-for results The goal of practice is not toachieve any particular state but to aim toward increasing self-knowledge—to become more intimatewith your experience

Whenever an outcome-based goal is present, it biases the very efforts needed to realize it.Striving for results in meditation is a nonstarter It poses a real problem for meditators, especially inachievement-oriented cultures As will be covered in the “How To Practice” section, the practice ofmindfulness is straightforward: 1) place attention on a process, such as the movement of breathing; 2)know that this attention once placed, doesn’t stay; 3) recognize that this departure has occurred, andthen; 4) attention is returned Mindfulness is about retrieval and returning to attention, rather thanmaintaining fixed attention on the object of focus Anything added to this simple processsuperimposes unhelpful goals These goals usually follow expectations—what you think meditationshould look like This image is often a caricature—a smiling Buddha, mind completely blank,supremely calm, infinitely concentrated Discard that image The only goal for mindfulness practice is

to go through the four steps outlined above over and over again Anything added to it is notmindfulness If your mind wanders a lot, this is not meditation failure Rather, it provides moreopportunities for retrieval If you don’t feel peaceful while meditating, this is not a failure Rather, it

is an opportunity to investigate what this lack of peacefulness is like If you do feel a lot of pleasureduring meditation, you are not, likewise a meditation success Peace and pleasure are not the goals ofpractice, even if they are reliable by-products But they can only be realized if not aimed for directly.That is the paradox of effort

The Buddha thought that effort was important enough to gets its own designation in the eightfoldpath that leads to awakening Another facet of this paradox is that meditation does require great effort,

yet all of that effort occurs within steps 1 through 4 This is the mindfulness curriculum in its entirety.

Beneficial effort is always watching out for any extracurricular activity There is no room for

identifying with being a “good” meditator or chiding yourself for being a “bad” one Effort recognizesthe danger of identification Instead it sticks to the process—to keep retrieving attention and do so in

a matter-of-fact way, starting fresh in each moment

S ECTION II

How to Practice

he following chapters will help you to establish a sustainable meditation practice They will

focus on the basics of practice and deal with the obstacles that will invariably arise The beauty

of mindfulness is its portability and durability You can practice anywhere, and when you can get out

of your own way, you can enjoy the power of these straightforward methods

C HAP TER 5

How to Pay Attention

ttention is distractible It likes to jump around from the present into imagining the future torecollecting the past Often, when it is focused on the present it is not paying attention to the

actual present It’s usually more about generating opinions about what is happening—liking or

disliking the particulars of the moment When you sit down to meditate, you will encounter this jumpymind Don’t get discouraged There is nothing wrong with your mind because this is more or less theway that all minds are The jumpiness of your mind is not a problem per se; it provides the materialwith which you will work in your meditation The aim of meditation is not to subdue attention but towork with it so that it becomes more pliable You want to be able to participate in the process ofattention without needing to control it at all times Such control is impossible and, if insisted upon,can become a major source of frustration

Let’s summarize and simplify the process There are four steps to mindfulness First, there is the

intention to set attention on an anchor point, such as the sensations of breathing Next, some moments

later, the mind will wander, and at some juncture, you will notice that your attention has moved fromits chosen object of focus At this moment, you redirect your attention back to breathing Here againare the four steps in this process: 1) anchor attention (focus), 2) attention wanders (distract), 3)awareness that attention has wandered (notice), and 4) redirect attention (retrieve) That’s it Theprocess of mindfulness is nothing more complicated than this straightforward process of focusing,distracting, noticing, and retrieving Each of the steps in the process reflects a different capacity andactivates different parts of the brain The first and perhaps most important is the capacity that we canchoose where attention goes Human beings can participate in the flow of the mind by beingvolitional, intentional, and aware This is where mindfulness always starts Next, attention wanders.You get distracted The wandering mind cannot be avoided Again, it is not a personal failing Earlyhumans’ ability to cope as a species depended upon both the capacity to concentrate as well as atendency for attention to move around scanning the environment for potential dangers and

1 Focus on your chosen anchoring point (for example, breathing)

2 Get distracted

3 Notice that you have become distracted

4 Retrieve attention from distraction and reestablish focus

• When you place attention in one place, don’t expect it to stay there for long

• It doesn’t matter how long it stays At the early stages of practice, longer is not necessarilybetter

• The more attention wanders, the more practice you get retrieving it

opportunities Mind wandering is a by-product of otherwise adaptive brain mechanisms Now, thatmind-wandering tendency gets amplified by technology as we consume information in short bits of

content It’s important not to get down on yourself when your attention wanders Your attention is going to wander Your job is to notice that it has happened, not to prevent it from happening in the

first place Once you have noticed, then you are confronted with another choice You can keep telling

that story, elaborating it, repeating it, believing it, or you can decide to redirect your attention—

retrieve it from distraction Mindfulness is the skill of remembering that you have forgotten It isnoticing that your attention has wandered, while using the companion skill of bringing it back

Mindfulness allows you to extricate your attention from stories It does not, however, give you the skill to extinguish the kinds of thinking that give rise to mind wandering Practice will reduce the

frequency and intensity of mind wandering, in general Keep in mind that sometimes the path is notlinear Here is the process again:

It’s almost like a conversation—a back and forth movement from a state of remembrance to a state offorgetfulness The key to this process is not to get hung up between steps 2 and 3 This is where a lot

of my students get stuck There is an assumption that the mind shouldn’t wander or if it does, itshouldn’t wander for so long or with such intensity This is especially the case early on in the process

of learning mindfulness meditation Whoever said that the mind shouldn’t wander? This is a commonmisconception about mindfulness and the mind Perhaps it emerged from something Bruce Lee saidthat was taken out of context In an interview, he said “empty your mind, be formless.” Additionally,

he said that in the context of a water metaphor, not necessarily meditation Sometimes, a clearing willoccur but that is not the norm, nor is it even necessary for mindfulness meditation Instead, you workwith what your mind gives you As you progress, your efficiency at getting to step 4 will improve.Redirecting attention will be done in a matter-of-fact manner, as if it is no big deal, which it isn’t.The conversation moves from a contentious argument to a gentle back-and-forth banter

Check your assumptions:

• Try to retrieve your attention in an as matter-of-fact way as possible Do it as though it isn’t

a big deal—which it isn’t

When you establish an intention to focus your attention, you will identify that intention Let’s say it is

what breathing feels like at the tip of your nose When you do this, you are initiating vitakko (initial application) If attention stabilizes for a moment, then there is vicaro (sustained application) Of

course, attention won’t necessarily sustain itself It moves off that spot of the breath into the past orthe future, or into generating opinions about the present This is the hardest part of the practice—tocatch yourself in the act, as it were Once you do, now it is time to retrieve Now, you are reengaging

vitakko (initial application) The process always starts again in the next moment What you are aiming

for is to get a feel for this back-and-forth movement of attention That sense will be the basis of all the

other practices you will learn here What’s important to remember is: don’t get caught up on vicaro.

In other words, the goal isn’t supreme concentration You are learning how to retrieve!

In the next chapter, we’ll look into four mythologies around meditation with an eye towarddemythologizing them Your meditation practice will benefit from getting beyond these stereotypes

and necessary Since it is always happening, you can meditate at any time You can’t leave home

without it You can’t forget it (as you might a mantra) The breath is your constant, faithful, andsustaining companion Second, the breath is embodied, and paying attention to the body is a key part

of developing mindfulness Third, since the breath is colored by your feelings, paying attention to

breathing gives you information about your emotional state It’s like putting the finger on the pulse ofyour feeling life That can help you use your emotions in more skillful ways Lastly, the quality ofeach breath feeds back and influences your emotional state as well In this way, breathing is aninfluencer, and a powerful way to transform experience in any moment.

Get into your meditation seat Start by finding the breath moving in your body Try to stay out ofthe way, just let the breath be natural, as it wants to be in this moment Try to set aside any

expectations for how your breath should be However, your breathing now is fine, whether it is

coarse or smooth, deep or shallow Try to follow the breath from the tip of your nose through theentire cycle of one breath—inhalation, pause, exhalation This is the physical breath, the actualsensations that arise as air touches the skin of your nose; the movement of air, lung, and musculature.Anchor your attention here The breath is your home base After observing the breath for a fewmoments, you’ll notice that your attention moves somewhere else—to the future, the past, oropinionating about the present Your mind may start a running commentary about what it’s like to payattention to breathing That’s fine It is what minds do The difference between meditation and themind’s business-as-usual, is that when you notice your attention has wandered from the breath, youbring it back Don’t wrench it back Give it a gentle escort Be friendly and maintain a sense ofcuriosity as your attention moves back and forth Get to know your breathing Become intimate

Start with five minutes and work your way up to twenty, thirty, or even forty-five minutes

Axiom: Every burden is also a teacher.

Don’t let a good crisis go to waste Mindfulness is an invitation to make all of life our teacher Everysituation, thought, and feeling is instructive Humans are born problem solvers At the same time, weare also imperfect Since we are destined to make mistakes yet are well-equipped to address them,there is no reason to feel diminished by mishaps, difficulties, and even traumas Unwanted andunexpected situations in life present possibilities of growth Being open to all things as potentialteaching experiences, makes life a continuous process of learning, growing, and evolving Thisopenness is a refreshing alternative to the self-protectiveness required when these potential teachings(and teachers) are rejected There are no exceptions Loss, failure, disappointment, illness, injury—all of them are gurus containing the seeds of transformation But these gurus only reveal theirtransformative lessons when you adopt an attitude of acceptance rather than resistance This is easiersaid than done You can think of all the exercises, practices, and insights in this book as training forthis very possibility—to learn, grow, and thrive in the face of adversity Without mindfulness, thesedifficulties can also diminish, deplete, and break your spirit It is possible to choose your basicorientation for handling life’s problems—acceptance or resistance Keep reading; keep practicing!

It’s a fairly unreachable ideal to think that we can pull off seamless acceptance in real time and

in every situation That is an unreasonable expectation Often, after reacting by feeling sorry foryourself, bemoaning your fate, and complaining, the opportunity for mindful transformation presentsitself You can let go, let it be, and start learning.

Poets, saints, and philosophers have long recognized the inevitability of life’s uncertainties.From the standpoint of the universe, we are entitled to nothing No one is immune from loss, no matterhow wealthy, good, or lucky Life promises us nothing, even though we may act as if it had When wefeel entitled, life’s misfortunes feel like unwelcome intrusions or encumbrances at the least, andviolations at the worst We respond with resistance But if that entitlement can be set aside, thenevery burden becomes a teacher, and life becomes a process of learning Mindfulness can help you tolove the learning and accept all of life’s uncertainties with equanimity