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screaming match – a loud argument in which two people are screaming or yelling at each other, each trying to be louder than the other to make his or her words be heard * It sounds like

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GLOSSARY

same old, same old – a phrase used to describe something that was

uninteresting, unsurprising, and boring, the same as it has always been and as one expected it to be

* The meeting dragged on for hours It was the same old, same old

meltdown – an intense show of emotion; when someone, especially a child,

loses control of his or her emotions and becomes very angry or sad, often

screaming

* Kelly had a major meltdown at work last week I think she’s experiencing a lot of stress at home and in her job

blowup – an angry outburst; when someone becomes very angry very quickly

and shouts or otherwise acts in an aggressive way against other people

* When the flight was delayed for hours, Carl had a major blowup and started yelling at the airline employees, but he apologized afterward

yikes – an expression showing surprise and disapproval

* Yikes! Did you see what that driver just did? She almost ran over that mother and baby!

to bicker – to argue; to fight verbally over unimportant things

* The children spent most of the car trip bickering in the back seat

to take offense – to be offended by something; to become upset and saddened

by what another person has said or done

* Do you think the audience will take offense if we put a male actor in a female role?

slight – an insult, especially an unintentional one; words or an action that do not

express enough respect for another person

* When Victor didn’t say hello to Sheila at the store, she interpreted it as a slight and became very upset

dig – a critical or mocking (making fun of someone) remark or statement;

something said to make another person feel bad, or to make others laugh and look down upon that person

* “Some people just don’t know how to dress well,” said Ahmed, in an obvious dig

at his neighbor

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grievance – a complaint; something that one views as being unfair or a source of

mistreatment, and remains upset about

* The employees voiced their grievances in a meeting with the managers

screaming match – a loud argument in which two people are screaming or

yelling at each other, each trying to be louder than the other to make his or her words be heard

* It sounds like the neighbor is having another screaming match with her son

to raise (one’s) voice – to shout or yell; to speak in a louder-than-usual voice,

especially when one is angry

* In our home, children are not allowed to raise their voices against their parents

to storm out – to angrily leave a room, especially while stomping feet and

slamming doors

* We couldn’t believe that the client actually stormed out of the meeting What did

we do wrong?

peacemaker – someone who tries to end an argument or fight between two or

more other people, trying to help people calm down

* Psychologists can help people understand each other’s viewpoints, but they aren’t really supposed to be peacemakers

for tempers to flare – for people to become very angry very quickly

* The lawmakers were discussing a controversial topic that made tempers flare

to sweep (something) under the rug – to ignore something and pretend it

hasn’t happened or doesn’t matter

* They have some major problems in their marriage They can’t just sweep these things under the rug

to put on a brave face – to pretend to be stronger, braver, and calmer than one

actually is

* Mariah was devastated when her husband died, but she had to put on a brave face for her children

stony silence – a period of time when angry people do not speak with each

other, creating an uncomfortable silence

* They lived in stony silence for two days before Lan finally apologized.0

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COMPREHENSION QUESTIONS

1 What does Priscilla mean when she says that the dinner was “same old, same old”?

a) Mostly old people attended the event

b) Her mother is now one year older

c) Nothing interesting or unexpected happened

2 Which of these is the loudest?

a) Bickering

b) Screaming matches

c) Sweeping things under the rug

WHAT ELSE DOES IT MEAN?

dig

The word “dig,” in this podcast, means a critical or mocking (making fun of

someone) remark or statement intended to make another person feel bad, or to make others laugh and look down upon that person: “We were shocked by how the chairperson made digs at the other board members who weren’t present at the meeting.” When referring to the sciences, a “dig” is an excavation, when people dig up the ground to find things: “How many fossils did you find on your last paleontological dig?” Or, “The archeological dig yielded many pieces of interesting pottery.” Informally, the word “digs” can refer to one’s apartment:

“Come over and check out my new digs.” Finally, the phrase “to dig into

(something)” can mean to start eating: “Let’s dig into that casserole!”

to storm out

In this podcast, the phrase “to storm out” means to angrily leave a room,

especially while stomping feet and slamming doors: “When Heather was seven years old, her father stormed out of the house and never came back.” The

phrase “to weather a storm” means to survive a difficult experience without being harmed badly: “This home is old, but it will weather this storm.” The phrase “to take (a place) by storm” means to be very successful: “That new actress took Broadway by storm.” Finally, the phrase “to (do something) up a storm” means to

do a lot of something with significant energy and enthusiasm: “Each year, they cook up a storm for Thanksgiving.”

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CULTURE NOTE

The Burr-Hamilton Duel

Former Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton and former Vice-President Aaron Burr fought in a famous “duel” in 1804, in what became one of the most well-known personal conflicts in U.S history A “duel” is a formal fight between two people at an “arranged” (planned in advance) time with agreed-upon rules and “weapons” (tools for fighting and killing, such as swords and guns)

Burr and Hamilton were political enemies and strongly disliked each other, and Hamilton wrote some “scathing” (very critical) “remarks” (comments; statements) about Burr when Burr was a candidate to be the governor of New York Burr became very angry and “challenged Hamilton to a duel” (invited Hamilton to participate in a duel with him) Hamilton chose the location and the weapons

On July 11, 1804, the men “rowed” (moved a boat by pushing “oars” (long sticks with a flat end)) against the water) across the Hudson River to New Jersey They

“took their positions” (stood in their spots) and the “witnesses” (people who heard and/or saw what happened) stated that they heard two “shots” (instances of a gun firing) Burr’s bullet hit Hamilton in the “abdomen” (belly or stomach area) Many people believe that Hamilton’s shot “missed” (did not hit) Burr “on purpose” (intentionally)

Hamilton died the next day Burr was “charged with murder” (taken to a court of law under accusations of killing someone) The “trial” (when a lawsuit is heard in court) never happened, but the duel nevertheless ended Burr’s “political career” (professional work in politics)

Comprehension Questions Correct Answers: 1 – c; 2 – b

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COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to English as a Second Language Podcast number 1,101 – Problems Getting Along with Family

This is English as a Second Language Podcast episode 1,101 Lots of ones I’m your host, Dr Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in beautiful Los Angeles, California

Visit our website at ESLPod.com Take a look at our Special Courses in

Business and Daily English on our website

This episode is a dialogue between Oscar and Priscilla about getting along with,

or having good relations with, your family Let’s get started

[start of dialogue]

Oscar: So you’re back from your mother’s birthday dinner How was it?

Priscilla: Same old, same old It isn’t a family gathering without a major meltdown

or blowup

Oscar: Yikes, what happened?

Priscilla: You know how it is It starts out with bickering and somebody taking offense at some slight or dig, or bringing up some old grievance

Oscar: Well, that happens in most families

Priscilla: Yeah, but in mine, they often turn into screaming matches We all raise our voices and somebody always storms out

Oscar: Even at your mother’s birthday dinner?

Priscilla: The occasion doesn’t matter My mother tries to be the peacemaker, but

it doesn’t take much for tempers to flare

Oscar: That never happens in my family

Priscilla: What?! Your family doesn’t fight when it gets together?

Oscar: No, we try to sweep things under the rug and put on a brave face

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Priscilla: What happens when you get mad at each other?

Oscar: Nothing

Priscilla: What do you mean nothing?

Oscar: A lot of our family meals are eaten in stony silence

Priscilla: Wow, I think I prefer our knock-down, drag-out fights!

[end of dialogue]

Oscar asks Priscilla, “So you’re back from your mother’s birthday dinner How was it?” Priscilla says, “Same old, same old.” This is a phrase used informally to describe something that was unsurprising, or perhaps uninteresting or boring – the same as it has been, and as you expected it to be Priscilla says, “It isn’t a family gathering,” meaning a meeting of the family, “without a major meltdown or blowup.”

“Meltdown” (meltdown) here refers to an intense display of, or show of, emotion – when someone, especially a child, loses control of his or her emotions and

becomes very angry or very sad Often people who have a meltdown, especially children, scream They yell in a very loud voice A “blowup” (blowup) is when someone becomes very angry very quickly and starts shouting A blowup is usually related to an argument between two people where one of them starts yelling or screaming

Oscar says, “Yikes, what happened?” “Yikes” (yikes) is an expression of surprise

or disapproval It’s a little old-fashioned, but you will still hear people say “yikes.” It’s sort of like saying “wow” or “geez.” So, Oscar is asking what happened at this family gathering Priscilla says, “You know how it is,” meaning you understand the situation “It starts out with bickering and somebody taking offense at some slight or dig, or bringing up some old grievance.”

Priscilla says, “It starts out with,” meaning it begins with, “bickering.” “To bicker” (bicker) means to argue, to fight verbally, usually over things that aren’t very important “To take offense” (offense) means to become upset by what another person has said or done, usually to you Someone may say something bad to you, something insulting You might take offense You might say, “Oh, how could

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Priscilla says that at this family gathering, some member of her family took

“offense at some slight (slight) or dig (dig).” A “slight” is an insult, something you

do or say to someone that shows you don’t respect them or you don’t like them

A “dig” is a critical remark or statement, often something that is made to make the person feel bad, but also to make other people laugh at you

Priscilla also mentions someone bringing up an “old grievance.” A “grievance” (grievance) is a complaint that you have about something You’re not happy with something You think perhaps something is unfair, and you remain upset or mad about it Oscar says, “Well, that happens in most families.” Priscilla says, “Yeah, but in mine, they often turn into screaming matches.” Priscilla is saying that family gatherings, when the family gets together, these meetings “often turn into” – or result in, become – “screaming matches.”

“To scream” is to yell very loudly A “match” (match) is a competition, like a game between two people We talk about “boxing matches,” where two people

basically get into what’s called a “ring” (ring) and hit each other Well, this isn’t a boxing match This is a screaming match, where two people are yelling at each other It’s not really a competition, of course, but we use this expression to refer

to a situation when two people are yelling at each other in a loud voice

Priscilla says, “We all raise our voices and somebody always storms out.” “To raise (raise) your voice” means to yell or to shout “To storm (storm) out” is a two-word phrasal verb meaning to leave the room angrily – to leave a room indicating

to everyone how angry you are Maybe you close the door very hard behind you

We would say “slam” (slam) the door Oscar says, “Even at your mother’s

birthday dinner?” Priscilla answers, “The occasion doesn’t matter.” She means it doesn’t matter why the group is getting together, why the family is getting

together There are always these arguments

Priscilla continues, “My mother tries to be the peacemaker, but it doesn’t take much for tempers to flare.” A “peacemaker” (peacemaker) is a person who tries

to end an argument or a fight between two people A peacemaker is a person who tries to calm everyone down during an argument or a disagreement Priscilla says, “It doesn’t take much for tempers to flare.” “Temper” (temper) refers to your emotion, especially anger

If we say someone has a “bad temper,” we mean that person gets angry very easily When we’re talking about two or more people, we would use the plural,

“tempers,” plus this verb “to flare” (flare) For “tempers to flare” means for people

to become very angry very quickly The idea of the verb “to flare” means to

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appear suddenly, and that’s what happens when people get angry, of course Sometimes they suddenly start yelling and screaming

Well, Oscar says, “That never happens in my family.” Priscilla is surprised She says, “What?! Your family doesn’t fight when it gets together?” Oscar says, “No,

we try to sweep things under the rug and put on a brave face.” The expression

“to sweep (sweep) something under the rug (rug)” means to ignore something –

to pretend that it didn’t happen or to hide it

The second expression, “to put on a brave (brave) face,” means to pretend to be stronger, braver, and/or calmer than you actually are If you’re in a stressful situation or a situation where you might react emotionally, “putting on a brave face” would be to pretend that you are calm, that you are not bothered by the situation It’s another form of pretending to be something that you’re not

Well, in Oscar’s family, when there are disagreements within the family at a family gathering, people “put on a brave face.” They don’t get emotional about it,

in this case Priscilla says, “What happens when you get mad at each other?” Oscar says, “Nothing.” Priscilla says, “What do you mean nothing?” Oscar

responds, “A lot of our family meals are eaten in stony silence.” “Stony (stony) silence” would be a period of time when people who are angry with each other don’t talk to each other

You’ve seen this, I’m sure, and have experienced it If you go to a restaurant and you see a man and a woman sitting there eating, not talking to each other the whole time, we would describe that perhaps as a situation of “stony silence.” Maybe they’re mad at each other and they don’t want to talk to each other,

although nowadays it’s more likely that you’ll see two people staring at their phones rather than talking to each other, even if they’re not mad at each other Priscilla says, “Wow, I think I prefer our knock-down, drag-out fights!” The

expression “knock-down, drag-out” refers to a very serious argument that

continues over a long time Priscilla is saying that she prefers her family’s way of dealing with anger, which is to yell at each other, rather than Oscar’s family’s way

of dealing with it, which is simply to stop talking to each other

Now let’s listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed