what make a good mate

So if you want a perfect mate you need a mate that you can shower your love upon.. True love comes with maturity so don’t be in a hurry Do me a favor here and write down about five of th

What is a good mate? Now I’m first going to say that there is no textbook answer here.

A wife who seems to be good for one husband may not in fact be good for the next one The thing which makes any mate good whether it be a husband or wife is their compatibility to the other My trash may be your treasure I’m not going to try to make

a laundry list of qualities here for you to look at and check off to make sure that you are doing everything right The right thing is whatever is right for you and your spouse

The mistake that many of us make is that we often attempt to qualify our mate or intended mate by generating a list of characteristics which we think that our ideal mate should have The problem with this practice is that it is selfish When we do this we are thinking only of what we want and we always doom ourselves to failure

There is no one in the world which will meet all of your requirements Even if you find someone who does they will also bring a list of negatives which you won’t be able to account for The problem now is that you have to be willing to accept the negatives as part of the total package Now before you declare that that is not what you want remember that you are bringing your own list of negatives to the situation also

The one thing that you need to remember is that all people need to feel appreciated whether male of female When you show your appreciation for the other person you nullify most of the negatives that you have brought to the situation

Love is the key to the situation Love is not self centered Love seeks to fulfill the needs of the other person without asking anything in return So if you want a perfect mate you need a mate that you can shower your love upon Have you ever heard the saying that love covers a multitude of sins? Love will blind your eyes to the faults of others So the problem is not finding a perfect mate but the problem is you having perfect love

Now love does not mean that you are to remain in a relationship which is abusive You can still love the abusive person but you shouldn’t have a relationship with them That’s just common sense Love will work when you are with someone who loves you back If you have ever been in a loving relationship before you might have been surprised that the person that you settled on had few if any of the list of qualities that you thought were so important True love comes with maturity so don’t be in a hurry

Do me a favor here and write down about five of the qualities that you feel are

important for your next mate to have Once you have written them down take a good look at them Are they physical characteristics or are they personality traits If you have listed physical traits such as good looks, dark eyes, long hair etc., I would say that you are not ready for a true long term relationship and certainly not for marriage

If you chose personality traits then you are close

If you choose sex as one of your traits you need to wait awhile before you seek to be committed A commitment should not be based on sex You will enjoy sex best when it

is with the person that you truly love Sex should be a pervasive exercise that

encompasses body, mind, and soul, not something that you do just to feel good I think that the sexuality that we witness on TV each day has served to help give our younger generation the wrong impression Relationships are not about sex, they are about love Sex is simply an added bonus to something which is inherently better This point of view may not have been what you wanted it to be but I call them as I see them

The One: 10 Traits Your Ideal Soul Mate

Should Have

By Paul HudsonApr 17 2014

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Finding your soul mate is basically finding that one person (arguably one of several) who has the right traits – traits that are relevant to you as an individual In other words: You have to find a person whom you can put up with and who, more importantly, can put up with you

Plus all that lovey-dovey stuff, of course If love isn’t much more than the way that you perceive a person, then you need to find someone who you can perceive as being amazing for as long as you live Just as importantly, you need to find a person who can put up with all of your sh*t

Because, let’s be honest, we all have a lot of sh*t that our soul mates will need to put

up with Here are 10 traits that your soul mates should have and that, ipso facto, you should have in his or her eyes:

1 Your soul mate should be very attractive (to you).

Call me shallow, but if you don’t want to sleep with your partner then why the hell do you keep that person around? Sure, there are plenty of other reasons to love

someone, but sex is definitely one of the more important ones Does this mean that your partner needs to live up to the supermodel standard?

I hope not because then 99 percent of the world will be very lonely What you find attractive is your preference – just make sure that he or she has a face that you’ll be happy seeing every morning for the rest of your life

2 Your soul mate should share similar likes and beliefs, but not on all fronts.

Having things in common is essential to a loving and caring relationship For one, it minimizes the amount of arguments, which is very useful in a relationship, and it makes life more enjoyable for both parties You don’t want to always be doing the things that you hate because your partner loves them

Sure, you won’t be able to mediate your interests all the time, but having things you like in common definitely helps At the same time, you don’t want to be too similar; that

gets boring The right person will bring the right balance of new and familiar to the table

3 Your soul mate should open you up to a new side of life – show you a new reality.

A great life is a life filled with discovery Discovering new things is exciting and gives you new experiences to look forward to More than that, the ideal soul mate will show you a better side of life – a side that you didn’t even know existed Chances are that the person you will end up with is the person who introduces you to a better way of living

4 Your soul mate has to love you regardless of your flaws and

imperfections.

We’re all flawed – we’re human Loving someone doesn’t mean loving that person because he or she is perfect, but rather because he or she is perfect for you Many will do their best to hide their imperfections for the duration of their relationships However, this is impossible

While I don’t recommend necessarily laying your hand on the table from the get-go, you can’t hide who you really are or you’ll never know if your partner loves all of you and not just the better part of you

5 Your soul mate has to be capable of regularly putting your needs ahead of his or her own.

Love can arguably be said to be unnatural It makes us put the needs of another individual ahead of our own – which is not what evolution teaches us should be

happening The beauty of a loving relationship is that we begin to rely upon each other

so much that we feel as one and the needs of our soul mate feels more like our own needs than our actual own needs

If your partner can’t put your needs ahead of his or her own, and you can't put your partner's needs ahead of your own, then you’re likely to fail Of course, we can’t always be putting our partners' needs ahead of our own – we’re only human But, we can do our best to show them how much we love them by sacrificing our wants in order for them to meet theirs

6 Your soul mate should be able and willing to give you the

attention that you need.

Different people have a different level of neediness Personally, I’m on the lighter side

of the spectrum However, there are those who are very, very needy and require a whole lot of attention

I can’t say that I find this healthy, but hey… not my problem If you are one of those attention-seeking individuals then you better find someone that is more than willing to give you that attention Your soul mate will likely be the person who has an identical level of neediness

7 Your soul mate wants nothing more than to experience life with you because he or she feels that life with you is better than any life without you.

This is a big one There are only so many versions of our lives that we could possibly live – determinism aside If you believe that your life cannot be any better than it is when you are with the person whom you love then you may very well have found the right person to spend your life with

Life is a chain of experiences of which can be experienced with either more or less pleasure If the person we experience those with make those experiences joyfully memorable then we may have found a keeper

8 Your soul mate is willing to lose arguments for the sake of

keeping the relationship intact.

This is something that took me a long time to learn because, as you may have

noticed, I like to argue It’s not that some battles need to be lost… it’s that some battles simply aren’t worth fighting Moreover, most of the arguments lovers have aren’t over concrete facts, but over opinion

Opinions are opinions and we are all entitled to our own Skip the less important arguments and fight the real important ones instead Otherwise you are likely to lose what you have And that’s the only battle worth fighting

9 The two of you want to live very similar lives.

When we’re younger, we don’t put much thought into lifestyles that we wish to live Or rather, we don’t think much about the possibility that the lives that we ourselves want

to live might not line up with the life that our lover may want to live

Do you want to travel constantly or stay put? Do you want to be incredibly rich or simply comfortable? Do you want kids? And how many? All these decisions affect different parts of our lives

It takes a lot of time and energy to do some of the more important things in our lives and because we are sharing our lives with another, both will likely be missing out on certain things Hopefully those things aren’t incredibly important to our lovers because

if they are then we’re setting ourselves up for disaster

10 Your soul mate is loyal and would never abandon you.

Life can be a bitch It can make us miserable It can make waking up in the morning and going about our day near impossible It can make us moody, unhappy, stressed, rushed, angry, emotional, moody… And that’s fine enough – until you start to share your life with another

Can you deal with your partner when he or she is going through a rough patch? Can your partner deal with you? How much is simply too much? These are all questions that we have to ask ourselves Loyalty does go a very long way and is incredibly important in a relationship

Sometimes we lose control of ourselves and fall down that spiral Will your lover stick around as you crawl back out of that hole?