Redefining stuttering—a guide to recovery~what the struggle to speak is really all about, 12e 2008

R EDEFININGNational Stuttering Association What the struggle to speak is really all about This book was previously published under the title How to Conquer Your Fears of Speaking before

R EDEFINING

National Stuttering Association

What the struggle to

speak is really all about

This book was previously published under the title

How to Conquer Your Fears of Speaking before People.

R EDEFINING

What the struggle to

speak is really all about

This book was previously published under the title

How to Conquer Your Fears of Speaking before People.

ISBN 1-929773-08-4

Twelfth Edition

All rights reserved.

Additional copies of this book may be obtained from John C Harrison,Words That Work,

3748 22nd Street, San Francisco, CA 94114 Phone: 415-647-4700 Fax: 415-285-4359 E-mail: stutterhexagon@aol.com Or you can contact The National Stuttering Association,

119 W 40th Street, 14th Floor, New York, N.Y 10018 Call toll free: 800-364-1677.

Phone: 212-944-4050 Fax: 212-944-8244 E-mail: info@westutter.org.

For those who are reading a PDF (electronic) version of this book and would like to turn it into a paperback version: The book has been formatted for two-sided printing on any

electronic copier capable of printing on both sides of the sheet It is recommended that you use a heavier, colored paper for the front cover You may also want to protect the book with a clear vinyl sheet at the front and a colored vinyl sheet at the back Spiral binding is recommended.

Grave marker, Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona

Life goes on, and so must he From the moment he gives himself up, and to the extent that he does so, all unknowingly he sets about to create and maintain a pseudo-self But this is a "self" without wishes He’ll go through the motions, not for fun or joy, but for survival; because he has to obey From now on he will be torn apart by unconscious, compulsive needs or ground by unconscious conflicts into paralysis, every motion and every instant canceling out his being and his integrity; and all the while he is disguised as a normal person and expected to behave like one!

G Allport Quoted in Towards a Psychology of Being

We are changed by what we do, not by what we think about, or read about, but by what we actually do.

Winston Churchill

O

*In 1999 the board of directors of the National Stuttering Project voted to change the

organization's name to the National Stuttering Association, since the organization long ago

outgrew its identity as a project Consequently, you will find references to both the NSP and the NSA throughout this edition.

ne summer evening during the early 80s I was sitting in the livingroom of John Ahlbach, then the Executive Director of the National Stutter-ing Project*, having a few beers and talking about this and that It was almost

11 p.m., and we’d just concluded a meeting of the San Francisco NSPchapter It had been one of those slow evenings where only a few peopleshowed up In fact, that particular summer our local chapter hadn’t beendoing too well Attendance had dwindled down to only four or so eachmeeting, and sometimes not even that

It was an intense conversation, because John and I had something incommon that had significantly impacted our lives—we both grew up with

a chronic stuttering problem And we were both committed to helpingothers break out of their stuttering prison

My dysfluency suddenly appeared when I was three and a half Mymother had gone on a six-week European trip with my grandmother, andwhen she returned, I took her out to the garden and—so my mother recalls—pointed to a row of petunias and said, “Mommy, look…look…look…lookat…at…at…the flowers

Chronic stuttering plagued me all the way through my late 20s I wasnever a severe stutterer, undoubtedly because I never allowed myself todevelop the often bizarre struggle behavior characteristic of those whoforcibly try and push through a block I would simply outwait the block andsuffer the long silences

Nevertheless, being of a sensitive nature, those unexplained long pauseswould mortify me I could talk just fine when I was chatting with friends.But if I had to recite in class or speak to an authority figure or stop a stranger

on the street to ask a question, I would often lock right up Eventually Ibecame a “closet stutterer”—that is, the kind of person who could pass for

“normal” but who always feared that at any moment his awful secret would

be revealed

Not much happened to change my stuttering until one day, at the age

of 25, I abruptly quit my job at my father’s ad agency, boarded a 707, and

left New York City for San Francisco The personal growth movement wasjust beginning in California in the early 60s, and San Francisco was right atthe center of it In short order, I was involved in various growth activitiesincluding encounter groups, 48-hour non-sleep “awareness” marathons,several LSD trips, two years of psychodrama classes, gestalt therapy groups,Toastmasters meetings, and the like By the time the 60s had drawn to aclose, thanks to all this internal probing as well as understanding what Iphysically did when I blocked, I had a much better handle on my inner self.

As a by-product of those self-exploratory activities, my stutteringgradually disappeared What’s more, I felt I understood things about theessential nature of chronic stuttering that other people—even the profes-sionals—didn’t know I saw that my speech problem was really an extension

of my larger life issues—a system involving, not just my speech, but myentire self At the heart of it, stuttering turned out to be about mydifficulties with the experience of communicating to others No wonder

I never stuttered when I was alone

But who could I share this with?

I found the answer in 1977 when Bob Goldman and Michael Sugarman,two fellows in their 20s living in nearby Walnut Creek, started the NationalStuttering Project, a self-help organization for people who stuttered Finally,

I had a place where I could put my insights to good use I quickly joined theNSP, eventually became the pro bono associate director, and played anactive role in the development of the organization….which was how Iended up in John Ahlbach’s living room that evening, trying to figure outhow to breathe life into our local NSP chapter

Groups tend to go through peaks and valleys, and our chapter wasdefinitely in a valley These undulations are undoubtedly a reflection ofmany things — group dynamics, schedules, weather, personal initiative,creativity, and what all Each group has its own chemistry, and thatparticular summer we seemed to be a lackluster bunch

As John and I sipped our beers, our conversation drifted to how the otherNSP groups were doing Houston, of course, was our shining light AndPhiladelphia and Southern California were also doing well But there wereother chapters that had written to John about attendance problems similar

to ours What could we do to help them?

The most common complaint was a lack of direction and purpose Wedid have a standard meeting format we’d written up in a brochure But evenwith that, people were feeling that they were doing the same old stuff That’swhen I got the idea to put together a book on public speaking

Although public speaking had always terrified me, it also held me in itsthrall In my mind’s eye, I could picture myself speaking passionately infront of a crowd After I joined the National Stuttering Project, fantasy

became reality I began to find opportunities to speak in front of others

in a nonthreatening environment I organized and ran my first workshop

—a two-day affair no less!—in 1982 for about 15 NSP members I ran localchapter meetings Slowly I became more comfortable in the role of speaker.Encouraged by my growing confidence, I started observing other peoplewho were really good speakers I tried to get inside their skin What were theyfeeling? What were they doing? What made them charismatic? What madethem confident?

As I talked to John that summer evening, the thought struck me: whynot write a manual on public speaking Eventually, I came up with 10lessons, each one drawn from another observation I had made about goodspeakers and the specific things they did As an afterthought, I also included

an essay on overcoming performance fears that I felt directly related to thespeaking experience

The manual was titled How to Conquer Your Fears of Speaking before

People, and the 50-page first edition was cranked out on a dot-matrix

printer The manual turned out to be popular with a number of NSPchapters The exercises were simple, they were easy to use, and chaptermembers could provide valuable feedback for each other

Very slowly, news began to dribble in of chapters using the book as asupplement to their regular programs Feedback was good People werefinding that the information and exercises really helped to lessen the fear

of speaking before groups by giving people ways to perceive the speakingsituation in a different light The book also gave them tools and techniques

to control the speaking situation to their advantage

In the two decades that followed I continued to write articles for the

NSA’s newsletter Letting GO, and other publications, and when a piece

seemed appropriate for the public speaking book, I included it in the latestedition

What became apparent over time was that these articles were defining

a new way of looking at stuttering and in many cases offered plausibleanswers to the what and why of stuttering Eventually, these articles becamethe major part of the book

Today, this book is more about understanding chronic stuttering than

it is about public speaking although the two are intimately related The book

is organized into six parts

Part 1 is the original public speaking manual

Part 2 introduces a new, holistic way of looking at stuttering thatprovides plausible answers to many long-standing questions

Part 3 addresses how to change the stuttering system, a system I havelabeled the “Stuttering Hexagon.”

Part 4 is a collection of success stories of people who have substantially,

or totally, recovered from stuttering.

Part 5 contains late additions to the book

Part 6 is a list of resources

The twelfth edition of the book is the first to appear under the new title

REDEFINING STUTTERING: What the struggle to speak is really all about It

more aptly described what the book has become, and I want to thank fellowNSA member Paul Engelmanwho suggested the new title

Finally, I want to thank all those people, perhaps as many as twothousand within the stuttering community, with whom I’ve had thepleasure to share ideas, life experiences, intimacies, and of course, livelydinners and beers over a 30-year period You have been among the finestpeople I’ve known, and many of you remain my role models

This continues to be a work in progress Consequently, I welcome yourfeedback and suggestions on how to make this book even more useful toanyone who wants to take the fear out of speaking and make it fun, and tothose who want a better understanding of what chronic stuttering andblocking are all about

John C HarrisonSan FranciscoJune 2008

his book is not a therapy program And it is not a catalog oftechniques for becoming more fluent Those goals are best addressed byworking with a qualified speech-language pathologist Rather, this book

is designed to give you a better and more realistic understanding of whatchronic blocking and stuttering are all about And it is intended to helpyou become more comfortable and grounded whenever you are calledupon to speak—either in day-to-day activities or to an audience.The public speaking exercises in Part One comprise the original bookthat was put together as a program for chapters of the NationalStuttering Project They also provide useful suggestions and guidancefor any individual who wants to become more comfortable and confidentwhenever they're in front of others If you'd like to skip this section and

go directly to the beginning discussion of stuttering, then please turndirectly to page 53

But before you do, consider this There's an advantage to first readingthese exercises People who stutter generally develop tunnel vision aboutspeaking Our entire focus is on fixing our speech But the rest of thepopulation gets just as anxious when they have to stand and present Iknow, because I see it all the time in the public speaking workshops I runfor the general public

Ask your friends how comfortable they are when they give apresentation (Chances are they hate it!) You might even ask if their livesare terrific simply because they speak fluently You’ll discover thatfluency is no magic pill

What everyone, those who stutter as well as those who don't, want

to know is — how can you possibly feel comfortable and confident whenyou have to stand up and speak It's a hard concept for most of us tograsp, locked as we are in our survival mentality

But what about the speakers you see on television, who talk to us as

if they were sitting, totally relaxed, in our living room What about the

guest speakers who actually choose to come to our club or organization

to talk on subjects they're passionate about How about the politicianswho love nothing better than to speak to thousands What does that feellike? It's hard for a lot of us to even imagine

What I do know is that these people think about public speaking in a

T

very different way The ten public speaking exercises will give you a taste

of what goes into creating that mindset

UNDERSTANDING THE STUTTERING SYSTEM

If stuttering were simply a problem with the mechanics of speech,we’d stutter all the time, even when we were alone Rather, it seems to

be an interactive system involving a number of different components,only one of which is physical It is the the way these components interactthat creates a self-reinforcing system

If we were to diagram the system, it might look like this:

Physiological responses: the physiological characteristics we

inherit

Physical behaviors: the physical things we do when we block,

such as tightening our lips, tongue and vocal cords; holding our breath,etc

Emotions: the feelings that contribute to, or result from, our

stuttering—fear, hurt, anger, embarrassment and so forth

Perceptions: what we observe about the world and ourselves Do

we seem to be different from others? What is our self-image? Do wechoose to see the world from the point of view of a stutterer”?

Beliefs: the fixed perceptions that describe our idea of "the way it

is." Many of our most basic beliefs are fixed by the time we reach puberty.Typical beliefs might be, “I have to be perfect.” “Nice people should not

be outspoken.” “I need to be fluent before I can be a good speaker.”

Intentions: our motivations for acting Frequently, our conscious

intentions pull us one way while our unconscious intentions pull us in the

THE STUTTERING HEXAGON

opposite direction.

Now, you’ll notice something about this system: every point isconnected to every other point This means that each element isinfluenced, either positively or negatively, by what's happening at theother locations on the Stuttering Hexagon In other words, your emotionswill influence your behaviors, perceptions, beliefs, unconscious programsand physiological responses

Similarly, a change in your beliefs will resonate at all the other points

of the Stuttering Hexagon

Everything affects everything else

This model explains why just working on your speech may not beenough to change your stuttering behavior If, for example, you work onyour fluency in the clinician’s office, but don’t do anything about (1) yourdifficulty in expressing what you feel, (2) the limited way in which you seeyourself, (3) your self-defeating beliefs, and (4) your unwillingness totake risks, you'll be swimming against the current True, you may attainfluency in the clinician’s office where it’s totally comfortable and non-threatening, but once you leave, the other points on the StutteringHexagon are likely to work on your speech to bring it back into balancewith the rest of the system Eventually, you'll find yourself slipping intothe same old habits

CHANGING HOW WE SEE THINGS

The purpose of this book is to help you work on three points in thehexagon — your perceptions, beliefs and emotions

Those of us who grew up with a stuttering problem have not alwaysbeen very good at (1) developing a self-image grounded in reality and (2)defining what is acceptable behavior for us In general, we are so petrified

of coming on too forcefully that we rein ourselves way back We need todiscover that we don’t have to live our lives in such a narrow comfortzone, and that the world actually likes us better when we’re willing to letgo

Part One of this book will help you make use of the most availableand powerful resource you have in a stuttering support group: the othermembers In the safety and comfort of a group meeting, fellow memberscan help you see yourself more clearly and encourage you to let go Thisprocess, in turn, will help you widen your comfort zone and make it easier

to be more expressive

As it becomes acceptable to express yourself more spontaneously,you’ll experience less pressure to react to each speaking situation as aperformance Less pressure also means more freedom Having more

freedom will exert a positive influence on the other three points ofthe hexagon and take away some of the pressures that maintain theblocking syndrome.

Then in Parts Two through Five you will discover ways tofurther change your beliefs about what's possible and begin to seeways to take the mystery out of this strange thing we call

"stuttering."

One final comment You'll notice that certain ideas, such as thediagram and description of the Stuttering Hexagon, appear in manydifferent chapters of the book This is not an oversight Not onlywere these chapters written over a 23-year period, but most ofthem were meant to be stand-alone articles that would not becomplete without key material such as the Hexagon description.There's also another compelling reason to leave it this way.When I come upon a new idea, I need to hear it many times before

it really sinks in I assume that you and I are not so different, andthat you will find this repetition helpful

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Part 1

HOW TO CONQUER YOUR FEARS

OF SPEAKING BEFORE PEOPLE

Introduction to Part 1 1

Speech 1: Claiming Your Space 5

Speech 2: Speaking Up 11

Speech 3: Adding the Music 15

Speech 4: Learning to Live with Pauses 19

Speech 5: Looking 'em in the Eye 22

Speech 6: Letting Your Feelings Show 25

Speech 7: Stuttering on Purpose 30

Speech 8: Using Your Body 36

Speech 9: Interacting with an Audience 39

Speech 10: Inciting People to Action 44

Part 2 UNDERSTANDING THE STUTTERING SYSTEM Introduction to Part 2 53

Do You Suffer from Paradigm Paralysis? 55

Developing a New Paradigm for Stuttering 60

The Hawthorne Effect and It's Relationship to Chronic Stuttering 84

Is There a Genetic Basis for Stuttering? 112

Thirteen Observations about People Who Stutter 125

And the Stuttering Just Dies by Jack Menear 127

An Interview with Jack Menear: A Person Who Recovered 132

Overcoming Performance Fears 151

On Being Different 160

You Can Control How Others See You 164

Why Talking Is Easier While You're “Being” Someone Else 168

Why It's Easier to Talk When Nobody's Around 173

Why Are Speech Blocks So Unpredictable 176

Losing Your Will to Speak 196

Zen in the Art of Fluency 201

Creating a Setting for Fluency 208

Tapping the Resources of the Internet 213

The Last Game 220

A Long Walk by James P O'Hare 231

Part 3 CHANGING THE HEXAGON Introduction to Part 3 237

The Power of Observation 239

Are You or Are You Not a Stutterer? 254

Having Fun: It's More Powerful Than You Think 259

An Introduction to Speaking Freely 266

Part 4 THOSE WHO RECOVER Introduction to Part 4 285

Maryanne's Story 291

A Process of Recovery by Walt Manning, Ph.D 296

Stuttering Is Not Just a Speech Problem by Alan Badmington 302

From Stuttering to Stability by Linda Rounds 324

Strategies for Dealing with Stuttered Speech, Feelings and Communication by Mark Irwin, D.D.S 336

Freedom of Speech: How I Overcame Stuttering by Tim Mackesey, CCC-SLP 343

How I Recovered from Chronic Stuttering by John C Harrison 364

Part 5

RECENT ADDITIONS

Introduction to Part 5 387

The Feeling of Fluency 389

How to Get Rid of Stuttering in under 60 Seconds 411

My Five Stages of Recovery 418

Observations by Helen Vyner 427

A Golf Analogy by Jake Dean 430

My Development As A Person with A Stutter by Christine Dits 431

How Your Expectations Can Sink Your Ship 436

Forty Years Later 443

Part 6

RESOURCES

Twelve Books You’ll Find Helpful 4 5 1 Comprehensive Programs and Other Resources 4 5 5

About the Author 4 6 5

HOW TO CONQUER YOUR FEARS OF

SPEAKING BEFORE PEOPLE

I

INTRODUCTION TO PART 1

Note: This book begins with the original public speaking manual To skip this section and jump directly to the beginning discussion of stuttering, please turn to page 53.

ublic speaking

Can I survive it?

The next time I stand up to talk, will I self-destruct? Or will I somehow

be spared the shame of stuttering myself to death?

If there’s one thing that’s controlled our lives, it’s the fear of making

a fool of ourselves before an audience

Being locked into such a grim survival game is hardly conducive tobuilding confidence And even more — it has blinded us to what reallymakes a good speaker

Although you may find it hard to believe, being fluent is not the all and end-all of public speaking There are over four billion people in theworld, and three billion nine hundred million of them don’t stutter Yet,most of the so-called “fluent” world is as petrified of public speaking asyou might be

be-"I'D RATHER DIE THAN SPEAK IN PUBLIC!"

Surveys have shown that Number One on the list of people’sgreatest fears is not death (as you might imagine), but public speaking.Death is down around Number Four As John Ahlbach, the formerexecutive director of the NSA wryly observed, dying has several advan-tages over speaking For one thing, when you die, you only have to do

it once And after you do it, you don’t have to walk back to your seat.The truth is, many people who stutter are terrific speakers They’realive; they’re electric; they establish excellent personal rapport with theiraudience They get their audience to feel good about them, because theyfeel good about themselves

You probably don’t realize that your audience takes its cues abouthow to react to you by the way you react to yourself If you lookcomfortable and confident, they’ll feel comfortable and confident On

P

the other hand, if you’re anxious and obviously unhappy about being whereyou are, they’ll follow right along and be uncomfortable with you.

WE'VE SOLD OURSELVES A BILL OF GOODS.

Most of us who stutter grew up believing that we’d never beeffective as speakers Every time we had to stand up, we workedourselves into a state of panic We retreated We went “unconscious” —blocking out any awareness of what we were doing And our confidenceand hopes were dealt another heavy blow

Over time, we came to believe that the only way to be any good was

to first become fluent

Wrong

If you want to speak well, you can learn to do it now Right now.Fluency is not a prerequisite You can learn to take charge of an audience,even though all the words don’t come out the way you’d like them to

In fact, as you become more comfortable as a public speaker, you’llprobably begin to notice that your speech blocks begin to take on lessimportance in your life In some cases they may even diminish ordisappear This is because you’re diminishing the stress that fuels yourstuttering behavior Your audience will begin to react to you in a morepositive way, and you, in turn, will reflect that attitude by becoming evenmore self-confident, thus establishing a whole new cycle

Sound simple?

In principle, it is In practice, it takes time and effort, as well as anability to risk Remember, nobody has ever changed any kind of behavior

— stuttering or otherwise —without taking chances

This public speakig program is designed for a stuttering supportgroup It will guide you through the elementary steps that lead to greaterconfidence and self-assurance as a speaker The program works foranyone, though it’s written specifically to address the problems, feelingsand attitudes of those who stutter

The program consists of ten exercises, each focusing on a differentaspect of effective speaking Each of these steps, once mastered, willbuild confidence in your ability to take charge Every exercise is designed

to ground you as a speaker, so you’ll be less likely to panic and retreat.And it will reinforce the feeling that speaking is a positive experience, notsomething to run from

At the end of most speeches there is a follow-up exercise These

exercises are extremely important and should be followed if you want to maximize your benefits The exercises are designed to help you become

aware of particular attitudes and beliefs that may be standing in your way,and to dispel certain false ideas which people who stutter typically hang

on to

GETTING PAST THE FIRST HURDLE

Before we enter into the first of these exercises, there’s one morething you must consider:

Your own resistance to change

All dynamic systems from the atom to the largest galaxy have abuilt-in drive to maintain their existing structure Scientists call it

“homeostasis”: keeping things in balance

It’s one of the watchdogs of your stuttering habit

People fail to realize that a behavior pattern — not just stuttering

but any behavior pattern — has a life of its own When threatened, the

habit struggles to survive, much as any of us would struggle if we werethreatened with annihilation We’d kick and grab and reach out toanything that might save us We want to live And so does yourstuttering After all, it has a life history almost as long as your own.This resistance is one reason why stuttering is such a tough nut tocrack Your habit fights for survival through insidious little mind games

It will create such thoughts as

“I really feel stupid doing this.”

“I’ve tried everything and nothing ever seems to work.”

“These exercises aren’t going to change anything.”

“I don’t feel like going to an NSA meeting tonight.”

“This feels UNCOMFORTABLE!”

Of course you’ll feel strange and uncomfortable! You’ll be doingthings that are new to you But if you’re willing to put up with a littleuncomfortability for a while, not only will you provide yourself with theopportunity to experience something new over time these behaviors willbegin to feel more natural

Your ability to tolerate short periods of uncomfortability is the key

to change If you are willing to take a chance and hang in there, you canbring about significant shifts in your attitude and your self-image

We encourage you to practice these talks as many times as you like

until they become old hat You can make each talk several times beforemoving on to the next, or you can go through all ten and then start fromthe beginning again or follow any order you like Each time you’ll learnsomething new.

One final suggestion before you get started Initially, when you makeany of these talks, it will be helpful to talk from your own personalexperience on a subject of your own choosing

Your challenge will come, not from dealing with an unfamiliar topic,but from trying out an unfamiliar behavior In other words, it will be easier

to focus your energies on the particular skill you’re practicing if you don’talso have to deal with strange subject matter Later on, as you becomemore adept at these exercises, you can apply them to an impromptusubject as well

Are you ready?

Here’s the first exercise

hen Danny Kaye was touring the world as a performer, he gaveone particularly memorable show in London’s Palladium theater.

Picture this: a packed house of 4,000 sitting breathless, their attentionlocked on the solitary figure framed by the huge expanse of stage The stage

at the Paladium is 50 feet from left to right, and Danny Kaye moved about

as if he owned every inch of it

In fact, Danny Kaye did own every inch of it

He owned that stage so completely that during the performance he satdown on a corner of the stage, dangled his feet over the edge, and talked tothat sea of faces as if he were chatting with them over 4 o’clock tea He didn’tact like he was on stage at all

Compare this to how a typical person behaves before an audience Theaverage individual stays rooted within the same three foot “island.” He acts

as if the area around him has been mined, and the only space he dares to

“claim” is the little tract on either side No wonder people are uncomfortablewhen they speak Wouldn’t you be uncomfortable making a speech in themiddle of a mine field, where a wrong step in either direction might blowyou to kingdom come?

Sounds silly, doesn’t it But then why don’t people use all the roomthey have available to them the way a professional performer like DannyKaye does?

OUR SURVIVAL INSTINCTS AT WORK

When we’re up in front of an audience, some of us barely move amuscle

At this moment, we’re being controlled by a very basic survival instinct

If you were suddenly surrounded on the African veldt by a herd of rhinos,

you would tend to stand perfectly still so you wouldn't be a target Standing stock

still is a natural reaction to danger

But if you’re on Fifth Avenue in New York on a fine Sunday afternoon,you wouldn’t be rooted to one spot No way You’d be strolling along with

W

SPEECH 1: Claiming Your Space

everyone else, having a grand old time When people feel relaxed and safe,they move freely.

So one way to tell your emotional, non-thinking self that everything

is okay is to move about Moving freely claiming all the space you need tomake yourself comfortable and in charge is what this first speech is allabout

So much for the prelude

You've found a topic you're comfortable with, preferably somethingthat draws on your personal experience Now you're standing in front ofthe group, ready to talk

Don't rush Take a moment and collect yourself Get in touch with theway your feet feel on the floor make sure they're solidly planted If youfeel nervous, or if your legs or stomach are shaking a bit, just notice it Donot try and contain this energy You don't want to block it; you want to use

it You want to make it work for you

Now begin your talk

GETTING TO KNOW THE TERRITORY

As you speak, allow your feet to carry you to one side of the room Get

in touch with what it's like to speak from this location Does it feel strange

to be standing to the side instead of in front of your audience? Make it okay

to feel strange, and continue to find new places in the room from which you

can talk

Move as far away from your listeners as you can Now move forward

so you're almost on top of them Are there some places in the room that areeasier to talk from than others? Where are they? Which parts of the roomare the most uncomfortable? If you do find yourself becoming uncomfort-able, do not try and block out the feelings Allow yourself to be uncomfort-able and continue talking Use every bit of floor space you can get your feeton

If you're having difficulty speaking, do not stop yourself from moving.Allow your speech blocks to occur in every part of the room Don't fight theblocks; just experience them

Once you've covered all parts of the room, it's time to add the secondpart to this exercise

YOUR TOUCH IS MAGIC

As you talk from different places in the room, begin to place your hands

on things: the sofa, the table, the doorway Put both hands on the back of

a chair and lean on it Notice how that makes you feel If it feels strange,make it okay After all, this is not something you're used to doing

What else can you touch? Is there something on the table you can holdfor a moment: a ruler, a pencil, a cigarette box? Pick the item up and allowyour fingers to explore it before you put it back down

Is there anything you can place your foot on a stool or the crossbar

of a chair? Resting your foot on something is what people do when they're

comfortable and at ease Notice how this feels If there's a little voice

whispering, "You're not supposed to be this free and easy when you speak." simply notice that the voice is there But don't stop speaking

As you walk around the room touching things, you'll begin to observethat every place you stand and everything you touch is "yours." Not in a realsense, of course, but in an emotional sense The things you touch become

a part of you Through touch, you've actually been transforming the areafrom foreign (and perhaps hostile) territory into friendly territory You'vebeen acting as if you were in the comfort of your own home (After all, yourhome doesn't have "DO NOT TOUCH" signs posted all around unless youlive in a museum.)

Of course, although these activities will help you become moregrounded, you'll probably still be experiencing a degree of tension This isexpected Even after you become an experienced speaker, some level oftension will always be there Let's see why

DESTROYING THE OLD MYTH

Most of us grew up believing that polished speakers are totally relaxed

in front of an audience Not true When really good speakers andprofessional actors are before an audience, they're usually operating in astate of high energy and excitement It's releasing this energy during theirpresentation that creates their charisma Ask any speaker or actor whenthat feeling is missing, when they are too relaxed and low key, they give alackluster performance

Our point is that "creative" discomfort is desirable The feelings comewith the territory

Remember when you were head over heels in love? Your heartfluttered Your head swam You couldn't sleep You were really uncomfort-able "What's happening to me," you shouted Then someone sang for youthose familiar lyrics: "You're not sick, you're just in love."

Oh

Most of us with a stuttering problem grew up with little tolerance for

discomfort We grew up believing that at all costs! we should stay calmand collected So we learned to block out our feelings and pretend that weweren't really uncomfortable One of our major tasks, then, is to begin tochange how we regard the feelings that surface as we speak We need tounderstand the differences between "creative" discomfort and "negative"discomfort.

THE BENEFITS OF BEING UNCOMFORTABLE

"Negative" discomfort, the kind that debilitates us, is usually associated

with holding back something that wants to be expressed.

"Creative” discomfort, on the other hand, is experienced when you let

go It comes with the release of energy For example, actors are taught to use

the tension that naturally arises in front of an audience They use it to putoomph in their performance

Let’s review some of the differences between “creative” and “negative”discomfort

“Negative” discomfort results from resisting what is taking place.

“Negative” discomfort is fraught with fear and anxiety.

“Negative” discomfort tends to undermine your self-confidence.

“Creative” discomfort helps you to feel powerful and in charge.

“Creative” discomfort comes from heightening what is taking place “Creative” discomfort is savored as a moment of high excitement.

Transforming your discomfort into something positive — actuallylearning to make it work for you — will be a major step in overcoming yourfears

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR AUDIENCE'S REACTIONS

Another reason to claim your space is to prompt your listeners on howthey should react to you

Ever heard a speaker fluff a line, and then chuckle over his faux pas?Chances are if he felt okay about it, so did you We all love those TV blooper

shows because the actors always end up giggling at their own mistakes.But how about the senior giving a graduation speech who draws a blankand become excruciatingly embarrassed? It’s a tough moment for all of us.

We squirm in our seats We catch our breath We look away

Why are we going through this number?

We’re picking up the speaker’s feelings or what we imagine them to

be And we’re making them our own

Audiences take their cues on how to react by certain promptings thattake place on stage For example, if you notice in the movies, whenever thevillain makes a threatening move toward the hero, the camera always cuts

to a reaction shot of someone else Has the leading lady flinched? Uh oh.She’s worried, and we should be, too What about the hero? Ah, hah! He’sflashed a confident smile He knows something we don’t know We canrelax To a large degree the audience is cued on how it should react by howthe actors react It is an instinct in all of us to pick up on other people’sfeelings

When you move about and touch things, you’re telling the audiencethat you’re in charge They become more comfortable, and this, in turn,makes you more comfortable You have begun to establish a new, morepositive cycle

This theory is implicit in all the speaking exercises in this booklet It

is not your disfluency that the audience will react to, but how you feel aboutyourself as a speaker If you feel okay, so will they

Follow-up exercise At the end of each speech there is a follow-up

exercise designed to match your perceptions with those of your audience.This is not in any sense a test of right and wrong but simply a way ofvalidating your own ideas about what took place Very often, how we think

we came across is not how we really did, and the only way we can get at thetruth is to ask someone with a more objective point of view

Here’s the exercise Once the speech is over, take a second to rateyourself on the chart found on the following page How did you perceiveyourself in terms of claiming your space by (1) walking everywhere youcould and (2) freely touching anything you wanted to Put an X at theappropriate number

If you gave yourself a 10, it means that you “claimed” practicallyeverything in the room A 5, of course, would be average And a 2 or a 3would signify that you hardly moved around or touched anything

How I saw myself 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Now ask your audience what their perception was Start by asking how

many people would rate your activities as a 1 then 2 then 3 all the way

up to 10 And mark the scores accordingly

How do the ratings compare?

Generally, when you first start out doing these exercises, you’ll

expe-rience as exaggeration what your audience sees as barely adequate Most of

us are shocked to discover how far off our perceptions are and how much we

underplay ourselves Our fear of being different and/or looking strange

keeps us from letting go and having fun This feedback exercise is designed

to bring your perceptions into alignment with reality and to give yourself

more latitude in what you’re willing to recognize as acceptable behavior

Well, how was the experience? Did you survive it? Did you learn

something?

Great! Let's move on

✥ CLAIMING YOUR SPACE ✥ ✍ Feedback

SPEECH 2: Speaking Up

hy is it that so many of us are frightened by the sound of ourown voice?

Maybe we’re afraid of coming on too strong

The average person has no problems talking animatedly to the bor over the back fence, but put him in front of an audience, and his voice

neigh-is barely a whneigh-isper

It’s as if we have to compensate for being in a commanding position

by toning ourselves down and pulling back When you’re in front of anaudience, you’re in a place of power Acting forcefully in that role indicatesthat you really enjoy being there

Most of us who stutter do not easily tolerate the feelings of power thatarise when we face an audience So we “balance ourselves off” by speaking

in a thin, constrained voice That way, no one can ever accuse us of takingadvantage of our position

So guess what this next exercise will provide an opportunity for?Right You’ll have a chance to show off your power

HOW WELL DO YOU HANDLE POWER?

Before we get involved with your second talk, take a moment andreflect on how you feel about being in charge Here are some questions youmight ask yourself:

• How do I feel about having others see me as strong?

• Do I feel that others are jealous whenever I look powerful? (Clue: do I feel jealous or resentful when others act commanding and confident?)

• Do I fear coming on too strong?

• How do I feel physically when I experience myself as powerful? (ie: Do

my feet feel securely planted on the ground? What do my stomach my

chest my throat my face feel like? What do I notice about my breathing?)

• In a two party relationship, am I comfortable with the more dominant

or less dominant role?

• Is it a relief to me when neither party dominates?

• What kind of a boss do I make? Do I gain people’s respect? Do I let people walk over me? Do I feel relief when I can avoid dealing with responsibility?

There are probably a dozen other questions you can ask yourself But

at the very least, take the time to formulate some responses to thesequestions

If you can begin to recognize your hidden attitudes about power, thesudden emotions that crop up in “power situations” won’t seem like they’recoming out of the blue You’ll begin to know what’s causing them.The purpose of this talk is to experience what it’s like to increase yourvolume This doesn’t mean that you’ll be shouting at your audience, but forthis exercise, you’ll have to imagine that you’re talking in a room that’s tentimes longer than the one you’re in now and the audience is sitting at thevery back of the room To be heard you’ll have to speak up

PRACTICING WITH TWO BATS

To get an idea of how loudly you need to talk, there’s a little benchmarktest you’ll first need to do at home Talk for ten seconds in your normalspeaking voice about what you did yesterday Now say the same thing butdouble your volume Now say the same thing a third time and double yourvolume again How does that feel?

Do you have anxieties over how you’ll come across to your audienceblasting out like this?

Do you cringe a little?

Then you’re at the right level

On the other hand, if you think that speaking at this volume will be a

piece of cake, keep doubling the volume until you reach your level of

uncomfortability Remember, you’re not trying to establish this as your

normal voice You’re simply trying to make it easier to talk in a bigger,bolder voice later on

It’s not unlike the batter who takes practice swings with two bats before

he gets up to the plate By overloading himself initially, the batter feelsstronger while he’s waiting for the first pitch.

Now for your talk

Find a topic you’re familiar with If you can find a subject that allowsyou to draw upon events from your own life, so much the better You’realways in a stronger position when you know more about the topic thananyone ( After all, you’re the world’s authority on your own experience.)Let’s begin

As you speak, notice your impact on the members of your audience (Inother words, stay CONSCIOUS!!!) Are they giggling because you’re tooloud? Are they glaring at you because you’re coming on too strong?Probably neither Chances are that your increased volume is simplydrawing their attention Increased volume has a way of communicating tosomeone that you mean business Listen to any political speech Nothingquiet about the politico at the microphone He’s the authority of themoment, and he’s making the most of it

If you’re talking loud enough to feel uncomfortable, you may alsonotice that you’re shaky This trembling may extend to your hands, yourlegs, your chest, your voice — perhaps even throughout your body.This is perfectly natural You’re experiencing the conflict betweenholding back and letting go After you have more experience in letting go,the shaking will diminish Meanwhile, don’t fight it

Also, you might want to vary your loudness For contrast you may want

to drop your voice, then bring it up for EMPHASIS

How does it feel to make such a public show of forcefulness? Does itfit with who you are? If not, why doesn’t it? Who said you always have tokeep yourself in check? Who’s saying it now? Whose voice has beenwhispering in your ears all these years? Start paying attention to all the

“stuff” you’ve been feeding yourself

Follow-up exercise Were you as loud as you planned to be? Here’s a chance

to find out how far you turned up the volume in the ears of your audience.Rate your loudness on a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being the loudest

If you do give yourself a 10, it’s because you blasted them into the nextcounty

Softest Loudest

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

How I rate myself

How others rated me

Now ask your audience to rate your volume on the same 1 to 10 scale

and compare the two

What did you find?

Most people are startled to discover the substantial discrepancy that

exists between how they perceive their volume and how others perceived it

In fact, what you may have experienced as unduly loud was probably

perceived by your audience as simply exciting and energetic and may have

even elicited comments like “Wow, why don’t you talk that way all the

time!”

Sometimes, those who do this exercise notice a substantial drop in the

frequency of their stuttering blocks That’s a by-product of letting go.*

Cognitive dissonance (the discrepancy between what you experience

and what actually is) plays a big part in the integrated behaviors and

attitudes that comprise stuttering As you bring your perception closer to

reality, you’ll have taken another step in dismantling your stuttering

system

Now that you know what it’s like to cut loose, don’t stop Try the talk

again at another meeting, but turn up the level still more to where the

windows rattle Make all your talks a little louder and more alive Keep

pushing back those barriers that say you have to contain your enthusiasm

in a lackluster monotone

It may take a few talks before you become comfortable speaking in a

bigger voice, but if you keep at it, this new “you” will eventually be

incorporated as part of your self-image

* Here's an alternative feedback technique that has worked well in workshops If you're

facilitating this process for another person, first have the speaker double his or her volume until

it's at the level of uncomfortability Then ask audience members to provide real time feedback

by having them raise their hands whenever the speaker's loudness falls below the

predeter-mined level It's the job of the speaker to keep all the hands down while he or she makes the

talk This is a good technique for helping the speaker to keep his volume up throughout the

entire presentation.

✥ SPEAKING UP ✥ ✍ Feedback

SPEECH 3: Adding the Music

et’s review where you are so far In Speech #1 you learned to takecharge by claiming the space in front of the audience as yours You talkedfrom different parts of the room You touched everything you could Youacted like you were Chairman of the Board

In Speech #2 you practiced speaking up By increasing the volume yougave the impression that you were not afraid to let go

No doubt, you were totally uncomfortable trying out these newbehaviors perhaps drastically so But at least for a short while you werewilling to live with the uncomfortability And if you really took a chanceand extended yourself, you made some interesting discoveries:

(1) People thought that you were more alive and

forceful as a speaker

(2) What you thought was “coming on too strong” seemed

to others to be quite within the ordinary

(3) You may have even found it easier to speak

Let’s look at another way to add excitement to your speaking

WHY DON’T WE STUTTER WHEN WE SING?

Ever notice how adults talk to little children when they want theirattention?

To hold a child’s attention you can’t communicate in a monotone.Small children have a short attention span and are easily bored Becausetheir intellectual faculties have not had time to develop, it is usually difficult

to get and hold their attention by appealing only to their mind To besuccessful, you also have to appeal to their emotions

There are two basic ways to put emotion in your voice The first is to usevolume If you say, “Clean up your ROOM! And I mean NOW!”, they’ll get

L

the message a lot faster than if you say in a monotone, “Cleanupyourroom,andImeannow.” Volume is the oomph It’s what hammers at the gut But if you want to hold a child’s attention while you’re reading “TheThree Little Bears”, it won’t do to shout At best you’ll come off as a littleweird; at worst, you’ll sound angry A much better way to introduceemotion into your voice is by varying the pitch.

Think how unexciting it would be if you brought in the birthday cakewith candles blazing, and then proceeded to sing “Happy Birthday” in atotal monotone Communicating in a flat voice has the effect of maskingyour feelings But if you read “OnCE aPON a TIME there were thrEE BEArs”,allowing your voice to slide up the scale whenever you wanted to createemphasis, you’d be communicating to the child your feelings about thestory You’d even find that the more exaggerated your changes in pitch, theeasier it is to capture and hold the child’s attention

Want to know why we never stutter when we sing? In part, it’s becausesinging forces us to be emotional

Variations in volume and pitch — two powerful vehicles for cating feelings — are built right into the music We can’t avoid them unless

communi-we sing in a monotone (If communi-we do sing in a monotone, it’s no longer calledsinging, but “chanting.”)

In fact, we’d look mighty strange if we didn’t follow the music the way

it was written So we’re motivated to let go something that’s much harder

to do when we talk

MAKE EVERYBODY FOUR YEARS OLD

Speech #3 is designed to give you the opportunity to EXAGGERATE your

changes in pitch exaggerating to the point where you feel silly.

To get in the proper frame of mind, imagine that you’re about to makeyour talk to a group of 4-year-olds Now you know how 4-year-olds are: theyfidget, they’re easily distracted, their attention wanders all over the place

In order to hold their attention you have to make your talk just as if you were

reading “The Three Bears.” Everything you say has to be overly exaggerated in

fact, it must be carried to a level of UNCOMFORTABILITY

This is going to sound bizarre, especially when the subject of your talkmay be, “How to tune up a Mazda RX-7” or “New developments in high levelcomputer programming.” Imagine talking about either of those subjects inthe same voice and with the same inflections you’d use if you were reading

a nursery story

But this is exactly what the exercise calls for

Again, keep in mind that if you don’t exaggerate your fluctuation in

pitch to the point of uncomfortability, this exercise will not be very helpful

to you

If you’re ready, look for a subject you’d like to talk on Make itsomething you’re comfortable and familiar with As always, draw as much

as you can from your personal experience

ADDING THE MUSIC

Now, the talk

Take a moment to ground yourself before you start to speak This meansstanding without saying anything for a few moments to check out how youfeel Notice your emotions Notice how your body feels Notice your

audience LOOK at them Don’t allow yourself to go unconscious!

Begin to speak As you talk, allow your voice to change pitch constantly

Dramatize anything that could remotely call for emphasis (Imagine how

dumb it’s going to sound when you say, “The HEWlett-PACKard comPUTERhas THREE exPANSION slots and COMES with an EIGHty MEGAbyte HARDdrive.” But say it anyway.)

Notice how you feel about speaking with this much inflection Do youfeel silly? Stupid? An object of ridicule? Do you feel that you’re not beingyourself? Are you wondering what other people are thinking about you? Doyou find that you’ve suddenly slipped back to talking your old way and not

even realized it? Above all, stay as conscious as you can of what it’s like to be

in the experience

When you conclude your talk, take a moment to enjoy some deserved applause

Follow-up exercise Now rate yourself on the chart On a scale of 1 to

10 (with 1 being “total monotone” and 10 being inflection carried to atotally exaggerated level), where would you place yourself?

Complete Totally monotone expressive

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10How I heard myself

How others heard me

✥ CREATING THE MUSIC ✥

Feedback

✍

Done? Let’s find out how this compares to the way others experiencedyou Start by asking how many people saw you as a 1 then a 2 all the way

up to 10

How does this match up with the way you saw yourself?

It would not be unusual to see yourself as having spoken at a 6 or 7 level,while those in the audience rated you only at 3 or 4 Chances are this is thesame kind of discrepancy you found when you made speeches 1 and 2 What does this say?

It says that in order not to offend anyone, you’ve been downplayingyour forcefulness Years ago, you were probably afraid of coming on toostrongly, so you began to hold back Over time, this began to feel ordinary

— the way things should be

But you know the real kicker? You sold yourself a bill of goods This isn’tthe you that people want to meet This is only a held back version of the realyou The irony is that if you could only let go and be yourself, you couldmake it easier for others — your friends, relatives, even the strangers youmeet — to let go and be themselves But nobody may have ever told youthis until now

Does this means that you want to go around talking to adults as if theywere 4-year-olds? Hardly That wasn’t the purpose of the exercise Occasionally we have to exaggerate an action before we can trulyexperience it The purpose of the exercise is simply to give you a strong taste

of what inflection is all about and to offer a glimpse at how safe you’vebeen playing it You can put a whole lot more expression in your voicebefore you go beyond the bounds of “normal” speaking behavior And byincreasing the music (and emotion) in your voice, you’ll be more fun tolisten to

Hopefully, you’ve found this an enlightening experience But you'veonly just begun You need to continue to experiment — to “swing two bats”until the experience of modulating your voice becomes ordinary Keeppracticing talk number three until you can comfortably double or triple theamount of inflection you normally use

And continue to notice whether adding more emotion to your voicemakes it easier to speak without blocking

SPEECH 4: Learning to Live with Pauses

ack in the 1950’s one of the most popular wake-up radio shows washosted by a couple of madcap personalities named Bob Elliott and RayGoulding “Bob and Ray”, as they were known to a wildly-appreciativeaudience, were a grab bag of different characters and comic situations.They did one running skit that’s painfully easy to relate to if you stutter

It was called “The Slow Talkers Club.” A typical situation might cast Ray as

a reporter interviewing Bob, the president of the Slow Talkers Club Bob’spauses between each word are maddeningly long In desperation Ray keepstrying to fill in the right word, and it’s always hilariously off in the wrongdirection For example

RAY: Who’s running the meeting tonight since you’re not there?BOB: The vice

RAY: President? PRESIDENT???

BOB: squad busted the club so we’re not meeting

Pretty amusing

Except if it happens to you

Those of us who grew up with a stuttering problem have learned todetest pauses, because we’ve always associated a pause with a lack of fluency

We try to fill every moment with wall-to-wall words Every half-secondpause feels like an eternity WE HAVE TO KEEP TALKING!!!

Maybe so Maybe so But one of the reasons why we block is that we’retriggered into a state of panic by our own natural pauses The moment we

B

stop, we tighten our speaking muscles, hold our breath and take othercounterproductive measures that interfere with our ability to communicate.The best, and perhaps only, way to become comfortable with pauses is

to try them out Speech Number 4 is designed to give you this opportunity

CREATING YOUR OWN “DEAD AIR TIME”

As usual, the way to really get to know something is to exaggerate it Inthis speech you will be enrolled as a member of the Slow Talkers Club Thismeans that everyone is EXPECTING you to talk slowly; in fact, it’s the norm

It will help if you choose a subject that triggers some strong personalfeelings so the pauses can be used to heighten dramatic effect But if youcan’t find such a subject, then any topic will do

About the pauses They have to be lonnnnnnnng Between three andsix second each or even greater Of course, you can vary them, makingsome pauses more extended than others

As to how frequently you should pause make it about every three orfour words At the very least, you should program in enough deliberatepauses to make it seem unnatural

Want to hear how such a talk might begin? Here’s a sampling:

“I am PLEASED to be here on this MEMORABLE

occasion to SPEAK to you on the joy

of growing watermelons.”

You get the picture

STAYING CONSCIOUS AND AWARE

A question that may come up is, “What should I be doing while I’mpausing?”

What you DON’T want to do is look up at the ceiling or out into space.That’s what those who stutter usually do when they block

What you DO want to do is establish strong eye contact with members

of the audience While you’re in the middle of a long pause, LOOK atsomeone Look at SEVERAL people After all, this is your show, so you might

as well have some fun with it

Notice how it feels to be this deliberate Observe how it is to control the

“dead air time” as they say in broadcasting Make those pauses as long asyou like In addition, stay in touch with your body What do your feet feel