Psychology applied to modern life adjustment in the 21st century, 11e chapter 9

Attraction and Development, continuedWhat makes people attractive, continued – Physique • For women: average weight, an “hourglass” figure, and medium-sized breasts... Attraction and Dev

Trang 1

Chapter 9 Friendship and Love

Trang 2

Perspectives on Close Relationships

• The Ingredients of close relationships

– Close relationships – “are those that are

important, interdependent, and long lasting”.– They come in many forms, including

Trang 3

Perspectives, continued

• Close relationships arouse intense feelings that are both

– Positive (passion, concern, caring) and

– Negative (rage, jealousy, despair)

• This is referred to as the paradox of close

relationships.

Trang 4

Attraction and Development, continued

• Initial encounters

– Three factors underlie initial attraction

between strangers:

1 Proximity – we are more likely to become

involved with people we are geographically,

or spatially, close to

2 Familiarity – the mere exposure effect

states that positive feelings toward a person are increased the more often we see them

Trang 5

Initial encounters, continued

3 Physical attractiveness

– This factor plays a key role in face-to-face romantic relationships as well as

friendships

– However, cross-cultural research suggests

it is not the most important factor, for both

males and females

– See Figure 9.1 for a summary

Trang 6

Figure 9.1 Rank order of traits chosen by men and women as one of their most important traits in a partner In a 2005 international Internet survey of over 200,000 participants (including heterosexuals and

homosexuals, men and women), Lippa (2007) found that intelligence, humor, honesty, kindness, and good looks were ranked (in that order) as the most important traits in a partner for all participants However, when separated by gender, good looks ranked higher

Trang 7

Initial encounters, continued

• What makes someone attractive?

– Facial features

• For women: “baby-faced” features, (large eyes, small nose), combined with “mature” features (prominent cheekbones)

• For men: a strong jaw and broad forehead

Trang 8

What makes people attractive, continued

– Physique

• For women: average weight, an

“hourglass” figure, and medium-sized breasts

• For men: broad shoulders and a slim waist

Trang 9

– Expressive traits (large smile, high set

eyebrows) are seen as attractive because they suggest friendliness

– Grooming qualities are also desirable,

including cosmetic enhancements (see Figure 9.2)

Trang 10

Figure 9.2 Top five surgical cosmetic procedures in 2008 The number of cosmetic surgeries

annually is on the rise In 2008, over 10.2 million cosmetic procedures were performed.

Retrieved December 23, 2009 from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 2008, http://www.surgery.org/media/statistics.

Trang 11

– Matching up on looks

• The matching hypothesis – “proposes

that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other.”

Trang 12

– Attractiveness and resource exchange

• In contrast, the resource exchange is an

evolution-based theory proposing that “in heterosexual dating, males ‘trade’

occupational status for physical attractiveness in females”

Trang 13

Attraction and development, continued

Resource Exchange theory, continued

• David Buss (1988) believes mating patterns

depend on what each sex has to invest in terms

of survival

– For men, reproductive opportunities are the most important, so they show more interest in

sexual activity and physical attractiveness.

– Parental investment theory (see Figure 9.3)

states women choose mates that will supply

resources needed to support offspring for

many years

Trang 14

Figure 9.3 Parental investment theory and mating preferences Parental investment theory suggests

that basic differences between males and females in parental investment have great adaptive significance and lead to gender differences in mating propensities and preferences, as outlined here

Trang 15

• Getting acquainted

– Three factors affect viability of relationships:

1 Reciprocal liking – “refers to liking those

who show that they like you”

2 Similarity – we are drawn to those with

Trang 16

Getting acquainted, continued

3 Desirable personality characteristics

– For future spouses or life partners, personal qualities are more important than physical traits

– Most desirable personality traits were warmth, good sense of humor, and social assertiveness

Trang 17

• Established relationships

– Maintenance of ongoing relationships

– Relationship maintenance – involves “the

actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship” (see Figure 9.5)

Trang 18

Figure 9.5 Relationship maintenance strategies College students were asked to describe how they

maintained three different personal relationships over a college term Their responses were grouped into 11 categories You can see that, ironically, some people behave negatively in an attempt to enhance

relationships Openness was the most commonly nominated strategy (Adapted from Canary & Stafford, 1994)

Trang 19

• Established relationships, continued

– The process of minding relationships is an

active process that involves

• Using good listening skills

• Knowing your partner’s opinions

• Making positive attributions about your partner’s behavior

Trang 20

Established relationships, continued

– Expressing feelings of trust and commitment.– Recognizing your partner’s support and

effort

– Being optimistic about the future of the

relationship

Trang 21

• Relationship satisfaction and commitment

– What determines whether you will stay in the relationship or get out?

• Interdependence or social exchange theory states that the decision is based

on a “cost-benefit” analysis of the

relationship’s outcome If the rewards

outweigh the costs, we stay

Trang 22

Interdependence theory, continued

• Relationship satisfaction is gauged by our

comparison level – or “personal standard

of what constitutes an acceptable balance

of rewards and costs”

– It is based on outcomes experienced in previous relationships and on outcomes seen in other people’s relationships

Trang 23

• Relationship commitment is determined by

Trang 24

2 The investments, or “things that

people contribute to a relationship that they can’t get back if the relationship ends”

– Thus, putting investments into a relationship strengthens our

commitment to it (see Figure 9.6)

Trang 25

Figure 9.6 The key elements of social exchange theory and their effects on a relationship According

to social exchange theory, relationship outcome is determined by the rewards minus the costs of a

relationship Relationship satisfaction is based on the outcome matched against comparison level

(expectations) Commitment to a relationship is determined by one’s satisfaction minus one’s comparison

level for alternatives plus one’s investments in the relationship.

Adapted from Brehm, S.S., & Kassin, S.M (1993) Social psychology Boston: Houghton Mifflin

Trang 26

Friendship, continued

• What makes a good friend?

– Many factors are important (see Figure 9.7), but a common theme is that good friends

provide emotional and social support

• Gender and sexual orientation issues

– Women’s friendships are more based; men’s are more activity-based

emotionally-– Women discuss relationships and feelings; men discuss work, sports, and other

activities

Trang 27

Figure 9.7 Vital behaviors in friendship A cross-cultural inquiry into the behaviors that are vital to

friendship identified these six rules of friendship (Adapted from Argyle & Henderson, 1984)

Trang 28

Gender and sexual orientation issues, continued

• In other countries, men have more intimate relationships, but this is not true in America:

• Men are socialized to be self-sufficient, which limits self-disclosure

• Fear of homosexuality is a concern

• Men see each other as competitors

Trang 29

Gender and sexual orientation issues, continued

• Boundaries between friendship and love

relationships are more complex in gay relationships

• Lesbians and gay men are more likely to

maintain social contact with former sex partners

• There is also less support from families and society

Trang 30

Conflict in friendships

• The 3 steps of repair after conflict in friendship:

1 Reproach – the offended party confronts

the offender and asks for an explanation

2 Remedy - the offender takes responsibility

and offers an apology

3 Acknowledgement – the offended party

accepts the apology and the friendship continues

Trang 31

Romantic Love, continued

• Sexual orientation and love

– Sexual orientation – “refers to a person’s

preference for emotional and sexual relationships with individuals of the same gender, the other gender, or either gender”.– Most studies of romantic love suffer from

heterosexism, “or the assumption that all

individuals and relationships are heterosexual”

Trang 32

• Sexual orientation and love, continued

– Thus, less is known about homosexual

relationships

– However, homosexual romance and

relationships seem to be basically the same

as those of heterosexuals

Trang 33

• Gender differences

– Counter to stereotype, men are actually more romantic than women and fall in love more

easily than do women

– Women are also more selective when

choosing a partner, a tendency that supports the “parental investment theory” of attraction

Trang 34

• Theories of love

– Sternberg’s triangular theory of love states

that all loving relationships are comprised of some combination of three components:

1 Intimacy – warmth, closeness, and sharing

2 Passion – intense feelings (both positive and

negative), including sexual desire

3 Commitment – “the decision and intent to

maintain a relationship in spite of the difficulties and costs that may arise”

Trang 35

Sternberg’s triangular theory, continued

– Eight types of relationships can result from the presence, or absence, of each of the three components

– The ultimate type of love is consummate

love, in which each of the three components

is present (see Figure 9.8)

Trang 36

Figure 9.8 Sternberg’s triangular theory of love According to Robert Sternberg (1986), love includes

three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment These components are portrayed here as points on

a triangle The possible combinations of these three components yield the seven types of relationships mapped out here The absence of all three components is called nonlove, which is not shown in the

diagram.

From Sternberg, R.J (1986) A triangular theory of love Psychological Review, 93, 119-135 Copyright

Trang 37

• Romantic love as attachment

– Hazen and Shaver (1987) draw a connection between attachment patterns early in life and three adult attachment types: (see Figure

9.9)

1 Secure adults (55% of participants)

2 Avoidant adults (25% of participants)

3 Anxious-ambivalent adults (20% of participants)

Trang 38

Figure 9.9 Infant attachment and romantic relationships According to Hazan and Shaver (1987),

romantic relationships in adulthood are similar in form to attachment patterns in infancy, which are

determined in part by parental caregiving styles The theorized relations between parental styles,

attachment patterns, and intimate relations are outlined here Hazan and Shaver’s (1987) study sparked a flurry of follow-up research, which has largely supported the basic premises of their groundbreaking theory, although the links between infant experience and close relationships in adulthood appear to be somewhat more complex than those portrayed here (Based on Hazan and Shaver, 1986, 1987; Shaffer, 1989)

Trang 39

Romantic love as attachment, continued

• Bartholomew and Horowitz’s (1991) model of

adult attachment styles is based on two factors:

1 Attachment anxiety, or “how much a person

worries that a partner will not be available

when needed”, and

2 Attachment avoidant – “the degree to which a

person distrusts a partner’s good will and their tendencies to maintain emotional and behavioral distance from a partner”

• See Figure 9.10 for the four styles this yields

Trang 40

Figure 9.10 Attachment styles and their underlying dimensions Attachment styles are determined by

where people fall along two continuous dimensions that range from low to high: attachment avoidance and attachment anxiety (about abandonment) This system yields four attachment styles, which are described here (Adapted from Brennan, Clark, & Shaver, 1998; Fraley & Shaver, 2000)

Trang 41

• Correlates of attachment styles

– Securely attached people have more

committed, satisfying, interdependent, and well-adjusted relationships

– Securely attached people seek and provide support when under stress

– Securely attached people have better mental health

Trang 42

• Stability of attachment styles

– Longitudinal studies show moderate stability over the first 19 years of life and later in

adulthood

– However, attachment styles can be altered by life events (both in a positive and negative

direction)

Trang 43

• The course of romantic of love

– Sternberg’s theory predicts that the strength

of each of the three components of love varies across time (see Figure 9.11)

• Passion peaks early in a relationship and then decreases in intensity

• However, both intimacy and commitment increase as time progresses

Trang 44

Figure 9.11 The course of love over time According to Sternberg (1986), the three components of love

typically progress differently over time He theorizes that passion peaks early in a relationship and then declines In contrast, intimacy and commitment are thought to build gradually

Trang 45

The course of romantic of love, continued

• Why relationships end

1 Premature commitment

2 Ineffective communication and conflict

management skills

3 Becoming bored with the relationship

4 Availability of a more attractive relationship

5 Low levels of satisfaction

Trang 46

The course of romantic of love, continued

• Helping relationships last

1 Take plenty of time to get to know the other person before making a long-term

commitment

2 Emphasize the positive qualities in your

partner and relationship

3 Find ways to bring novelty to long-term

relationships

4 Develop effective conflict management skills

Định dạng
Số trang	60
Dung lượng	2,18 MB