Men Aren’t Stupid and Nine Other Free Lessons That Will Change Your Life pptx

She went on to ask, what happens later on in the relationship when you don’t always look good?. Let’s look at one thing that almost all women say they’re looking for: a good sense of hum

Men Aren’t Stupid

and Nine Other Free Lessons That Will Change Your Life

Roslyn Hardy Holcomb

roslynhardyholcomb.com

Men Aren’t Stupid

and Nine Other Free Lessons That Will Change Your Life

Copyright July 2012 Roslyn Hardy Holcomb

Published by Roslyn Hardy Holcomb at Smashwords

All rights reserved This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this e-book only

No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Roslyn Hardy Holcomb

Cover Artist: Whit Holcomb

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only This ebook may not be re-sold

or given away to other people If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to

Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy Thank you for respecting the hard work

of this author

This book came about because I’ve been online in various forums since the nineties and have in that time become something of an advice guru Though I’ve been a counselor, therapist and social worker a lot of the advice that I give here I learned from

mid-my late mother, Edith Smith Hardy Other lessons I learned through mid-my life experience and that of my friends and family Of course, if I’d listened to my mother I would have had a lot fewer hard knocks, but she always said a hard head makes for a soft behind Over the years of counseling women both online and in real life I began to see a pattern I was repeatedly being asked about the same issues in different iterations To avoid redundancy, and because I’m too lazy to keep typing the same advice over and over again, I put together these Free Lessons to address the problems I kept hearing about I’m deeply concerned about the quality of discourse between young men and women

in this country There is a level of bitterness and anger that is troubling I suspect that much of it has come about due to social changes that we have little control over

Intellectually we know that gender roles have changed, but our biological responses to the opposite sex have not People are more or less the same as they were five hundred

years ago, or for that matter five thousand years ago Check out the Song of Songs in the

Bible When Solomon starts talking about “your vines have sweet grapes” he’s spitting some serious game He’s doing the same thing men are doing today––trying to get some.Though women are more independent and self-sufficient than we’ve been at any time in history our basic instincts haven’t changed I believe that a lot of the anger we’re seeing between the sexes these days has come about because we’re being told to act as though these instincts don’t exist Even worse, many intellectuals claim that there is no such thing as gender roles Well, I’m not an intellectual I’m a pragmatist and that notion seems downright foolish to me While I agree wholeheartedly that people should not be forced into certain behavioral patterns because of their gender, I cannot deny that there are differences between the sexes To my mind there’s nothing wrong with

acknowledging and capitalizing on them

There are those who will say that these behavioral patterns are sociological rather than biological My response is and? Regardless of the source of the courting rituals

they’ve worked for humankind for a few thousand years Have they worked perfectly? Probably not, but the fact that we’re still here perpetuating the species indicates that it works better than the alternatives It is far better to use them to our advantage to gain what we all want a loving relationship This book will help you do just that.

Free Lesson #1

Birds Do It Bees Do It.

Whilst watching Oprah a while back I came to the painful realization that an awful lot of people did not grow up as I did watching Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom every

Sunday night Or, perhaps they did and didn’t comprehend its applicability to us that

we too are animals and our habits and rituals are not all that different from our primate brethren

On the Oprah show there was a rather obnoxious guy who nonetheless was spitting some serious knowledge about dating/mating (He really was insufferable, but as my

mama used to say even a blind hog finds an acorn every now and then.) The women weren’t hearing him though He told them the basic truth that men are always “window-shopping” and that a woman who is looking for a man should always be attractively dressed and looking her best This is very reasonable advice, but Gail King, who really is old enough to know better said that if you dress superficially you’ll attract a superficial man She went on to ask, what happens later on in the relationship when you don’t

always look good? Tsk, tsk, tsk Let me go all Marlin Perkins on y’all for a minute ALL

MEN ARE SUPERFICIAL, PERIOD

Now, before folk accuse me of male bashing let me explain We’ve been on this planet a couple hundred thousand years or so, but it’s only been in the past few thousand years that we call ourselves civilized For most of our time here we’ve had a very

difficult existence Back in the day women stayed at home feeding the kids, while also trying to keep various godawful beasties from eating them Men would go out and try to kill some of those same beasties to feed their younguns

Under those type circumstances you need a mate who is as healthy as possible After all, if the mother doesn’t survive childbirth the child will die as well And she also must

be strong enough to protect your offspring while you’re gone What are the signs of health and youthfulness in a female? Shiny hair, clear smooth skin, bright eyes and teeth Round shapely buttocks and breasts and long legs are all indicators that a woman is of mating age These are the things that the male of the species is instinctively looking for in

a mate And I’ve heard time and again that it’s not fair that men put so much stock in a woman’s physical appearance I agree, it isn’t fair, but what in life is? You can either put forth the effort or spend your Saturday nights alone picking lint out your navel Your call There are those who would counter with the notion that women aren’t shallow since

we’re appreciative of what a man does as opposed to how he looks While that is true

what exactly does this indicate? You guessed it, his ability to provide for and protect his offspring So, we’re quite superficial too; after all, we’re invested in perpetuating the species as well Let’s look at one thing that almost all women say they’re looking for: a good sense of humor What does humor indicate? Intellect Clearly a man can’t bring down a woolly mammoth with brute strength alone He has to be able to outsmart the beast A smart guy will always get the girl, because she knows he will literally bring home the bacon Even flirting itself is an indicator of intellect Many of us are quick to dismiss a guy who is not articulate, who has no “game.” We instinctively understand that this part of the courting ritual is designed to demonstrate intellectual acuity And let’s be real here, few of us are interested in a man who has no resources or at least the ability to acquire the same (Nor should we be.) Yes, most of us are independent and self-sufficient

or on our way to being there However, we still instinctively gravitate toward men who are successful and accomplished We have the same species-preserving instincts that men

do And it’s not all about the intellectual with women either What about those broad shoulders and slim hips that look so “manly” to us? Both are signs of sexual maturity and most importantly, physical strength It’s not an issue of being shallow, these cues are instinctual and have kept us on the planet for a few hundred thousand years and with any luck will keep us here for at least a while longer

We also need to understand the sometimes subtle cues that indicate a man’s interest

In this we have to take a clue from the birds Certain breeds of penguins will bring

pebbles to the female he’s interested in, as pebbles are used for building penguin nests Other birds will present sticks or twigs to its chosen light of love Human males do much the same thing if you’re paying attention A guy will put forth an effort to demonstrate his ability to provide for his mate He might make reference to his earning potential, or take an opportunity to show you his skills in nest building Few men are as blatant as the gentleman who was pursuing my mother at one point He simply took out his checkbook

to show her his bank balance I was impressed Unfortunately for him my mother wasn’t

A girlfriend of mine casually mentioned that the guy who lived down the hall from her was so nice He had come over the previous evening to assemble an entertainment center and some bookcases for her Anytime she came home with a load of groceries he was always there to help bring them in I laughed and teased her about how hard he was pursuing her She just smiled and said that no, he was just being “nice.” She was stunned when he asked her out a few weeks later I wasn’t Yes, there are nice guys out there, but

if a man is constantly helping you out, or going out of his way to do things for you, there’s a very strong likelihood that he’s courting you Pay attention

Understanding these instincts will also help those who are challenged in the flirting department as well Flirting serves two purposes; it draws attention to your best attributes and lets a man know you’re interested It all starts with eye contact You might recall the patented “Shy Di” look employed by the late Princess of Wales This look is designed to capture a male’s attention while looking shy and demure Few men can resist the allure of

a woman who is not aggressive but clearly interested at the same time All this is part and parcel of chasing a man until you let him catch you Remember, men aren’t stupid They understand that you’re putting out lures, but they enjoy the fact that you’re putting forth

an effort Men need those signals to initiate contact When you look up at a man through your lashes that way you will capture his attention, and once you have it, you must hold the look for at least twenty seconds (Count them off if you need to, and yes, twenty seconds is a very long time, but most eye-to-eye contact lasts ten seconds at the most Twenty seconds will make your interest clear.) If he breaks contact before time is up, look away also Then do it again If he doesn’t maintain it this time, move on to the next guy, he’s not interested If he’s interested he’ll take the next step Once he notices you, be sure to preen yourself, that is touch your hair, or your face This sends a signal to the man that you’re making yourself attractive for him while drawing attention to your best

attributes Once he’s initiated contact, laughing at his jokes and touching him casually cements the notion that you find him attractive and appreciate his humor and intelligence

It also lets him know that he can make you happy and entertain you

And please, don’t say you don’t want to play games This is much too serious to ever

be a game It’s part of our instinctive behavior as primates When you try to shut it down

or ignore then it’s you who is in fact playing games Resisting it does nothing but cut off your nose to spite your face and leaves you at home while savvier girls are snagging the prince Other women have commented on how “humiliating” flirting is That is they don’t like the idea of trying to draw a man’s attention so that he chooses her I really don’t understand their mindset In truth, the man isn’t choosing you, you’re choosing the man After all, you’re the one making the eye contact and other flirty moves Short of dragging you off by your hair a man can’t choose a woman against her will In fact all through history women have chosen their mate Even when men literally engaged in combat to win a wife, it was the woman who did the choosing That hasn’t changed one bit

Also it’s imperative that you don’t let a man know he’s being pursued as it will trigger his flight response And no matter how many men tell you they like being

approached by women, don’t believe them While it’s true they are flattered by a woman who makes the first move, it’s also true that the one who initiates contact becomes the

“man” in the relationship Unless this is a role you prefer don’t do it Case in point, the relationship between Bill and Hillary Clinton You might have heard the story about how they met in the Yale library Apparently they made eyes at one another for quite a while until finally she asked him if they were going to keep staring or was he going to ask her out I’ve always thought their initial meeting set up the way their relationship continued She was the top earner and always seemed to wear the pants in that marriage He

retaliated by being continually unfaithful (Women earning more than their men is

becoming increasingly common, and it can be a tricky area to navigate If you’re a high wage earner you have to be careful to choose a man who is comfortable with that There are some studies that indicate men who earn less than their wives are more likely to cheat.) Obviously I don’t know the Clintons personally and have never counseled them, but had I been with her in that library I would’ve warned her against speaking first So, while you’re out there on the hunt for a partner, don’t forget that deep down we still have our primate instincts

Free Lesson #2

Choose An Honorable Man

Not too long ago a reader asked me what she should be looking for in a mate I pondered her question for a long time It would seem that a lot of people are puzzled, and while I can understand that, it’s hard for me to tell someone what they should be looking for in a man This, above everything is a highly personal issue However, since I’ve been asked, I’ll tell you what I was looking for when I met my husband When we were going through pre-marital counseling the priest asked us to tell one another what our

expectations were in a spouse I only had one; that he’d always be an honorable man whom I could respect

I’ve been accused of, and plead guilty to using old-fashioned words like honor, cherish, and chivalry It’s a deliberate choice They’re very evocative words, bringing to mind old-fashioned notions of male and female interactions and I use them for that purpose Please note, that choosing a partner with traditional values doesn’t mean that you have to have a traditional relationship though that is my preference A couple is free

to negotiate whatever type relationship they want to have Traditional values actually make a non-traditional relationship more viable, because you know he will keep his word and follow-through on whatever type relationship you negotiate I prefer a traditional relationship, but I know women who have chosen a different route and are quite

comfortable maintaining it because their husbands are honorable men

What do I mean by honorable? In my mama’s words, “If he’s meant for you there won’t be no mess behind him.” This statement is profound in its simplicity An honorable man won’t have a bunch of drama, whether romantic or financial around him He takes care of his business in an honest, forthright manner So if the bill collectors, psycho ex-girlfriends, etc… are hanging over him, you know he’s not the one I know this begs the question how can he control ex-girlfriends and such See, here’s the thing, psycho ex-girlfriends are usually psycho for a reason I know that’s hard to accept, but it is what it

is Most guys know from the beginning that a woman is not right in the head However, these women are usually easy to get into bed Guys will lay up with these women, get the

goodies, then try to move on, and that’s when the craziness begins Honorable men don’t behave this way Sure, it’s always possible that he didn’t know she was crazy, but in my experience that is rare Honorable men avoid the crazy no matter how tempting it is Now, here’s the kicker, in order to have an honorable man, you have to be an

honorable woman Remember, he’s not going to have any drama in his life That includes yours So you’ve got to clean out your closet as well Stalkerazi ex-boyfriends and

financial monkey business is a red flag that sane men want no part of They’ll run like their drawers are on fire

And keep in mind, honorable men are honest to a fault They do what they say they’re going to do, period If he tells you he’ll call you at 7:00, he does exactly that With some men you have no idea if or when he’ll show up I once dated a guy who was

so fly-by-night when he said 7:00 I had no idea if he meant a.m or p.m I had enough sense to let that go, but not until after I’d wasted far too much time on such nonsense That’s not a problem with honorable men You don’t have to worry about follow-

through If my husband isn’t where he’s supposed to be I know to start checking hospitals and morgues He’ll be there, on time, or die trying

That’s the kind of man I wanted I sat down and made a list, a very specific list of the characteristics I needed in a husband Too women make the mistake of saying, “I need a man” That’s way too general After all, the universe is busy it doesn’t have time to decipher what we mean so specificity is crucial You need a certain type of man, and you need to look inside yourself to decide what that is

Being with an honorable man is not easy My husband can be persuaded, but he doesn’t push worth a damn If you ask him a question you’d best be prepared for the direct truth Yes, he will tell you that you could stand to lose a few pounds! Or that an outfit isn’t particularly flattering Are you ready for that type of man? Then by all means let the universe know! Happy Hunting

Free Lesson #3

Get Off the Damned Phone

It has come to my attention that despite my repeated remonstrations to the contrary, women are STILL spending way too much time on the phone with guys they just met If

my email is any indication, many of you are frustrated that dude will call you up, spend hours on the phone with you, but never take you out Dear reader, my response, as always

is in the title of this lesson get off the damned phone

I’ve explained this before, but we’ll go through it again for remedial purposes Men and women are attracted to different things Men are visual creatures I can explain the anthropology behind this; it’s not that they’re pigs, it’s because they’re primates

Anyway, a woman’s physical presence is her strongest attractant to a male Men attract women with their words, their intellect, charm, humor and wit What happens when you’re on the phone? You lose most of the power of your womanliness, while he still has all his manliness at his disposal He can’t see your hair, eyes and skin The sassy arch in your back, the secretive curve of your bosom He can’t be enveloped by your womanly aroma and the silk of your skin You can’t lure him with your flashing eyes and dark lashes beckoning him closer So basically you’ve crippled yourself He’s got a ready tool

at his disposal to woo you It doesn’t cost him anything, plus, if he’s got you tied up on the phone for hours he can be sure you’re not with anybody else

This is a bad practice for a lot of reasons For one thing, a smart woman is always presumed to have more than one suitor at a time (whether you do or not) If he can hold you up on the phone for hours, then he knows there’s no other guy (And believe me, guys know this, it’s part of their strategy It’s a cheap and easy defense against other men.) Also, 90% of communication is lost when you talk over the phone Humans read a lot in body language and through eye contact, two crucial components of communication that you don’t have over the phone Text messaging is even worse You don’t even use whole words and miss out on inflections and tone You can’t even tell if the guy can spell What kind of communication technique is that? How does that benefit you? It doesn’t and must be avoided at all costs Women need their instincts to suss out whether

a guy is being truthful or not You need to be able to see his body language, make eye contact, and even smell him so your intuition can kick in It’s a lot easier to pitch a lot of bull over the phone than in person Remember, the telephone is a device you use to make arrangements to see one another

The phone is dangerous in another way too All too often we’ll find ourselves on the phone late at night while we’re in bed This creates a false air of intimacy that can lead to phone sex and oversharing Once you’ve done that it’s very hard to maintain the type

boundaries that lead to real intimacy Yes, proper boundaries lead to real intimacy No

one in their right mind is going to share their deepest innermost thoughts with someone who is too free with their own Intimacy comes through trust and that takes time If you tell all your business why would he trust you with his? One woman I counseled felt it was crucial to let a guy know upfront all manner of very private details about her life She would do a garbage dump right at the very beginning in the mistaken belief that by being

an “open book” she was being “fair.” Though she wouldn’t acknowledge it I also believe that she thought this would engender protective instincts in a man

This philosophy is unbelievably misguided You can’t expect chivalry from a man who barely knows you That comes with commitment and takes time There is no way to leap ahead in the process Nor should you want to My client would get angry when she’d never hear from the guy She’d rant and rave about their superficiality and her inability to find a “good man.” So I asked her if she was a “good woman?” Did all this oversharing make her look like a “good woman,” or a bag lady with a shopping cart full of the crazy?

It took me forever to get through to her that men are looking for a playmate, not a charity case Even worse there were literally dozens of men in her town that knew the type intimate secrets a smart woman takes to the grave Frankly I think she was quite fortunate that none of the guys took her on Men who are interested in women like that generally have major issues of their own They have savior complexes and often are emotionally or physically abusive They’re looking for vulnerable prey and when you give them all your information at the very beginning of the relationship they have plenty of ammunition to whip you with Think of it this way, back in the old days a captured soldier was only required to divulge his name, rank and serial number A man is only entitled to your name and STD status, and that’s only if you’re about to have sex He gets your FICO

only when he presents a ring, and not until Otherwise that’s none of his business either Bottom line is, if you’re a former coke whore with the heads of your six previous

boyfriends in your trunk that’s nobody’s business but yours (and possibly law

enforcement) Avoid long phone conversation and you can escape this minefield

altogether

Once you’ve made this mistake a man has no need to see you he already knows everything about you You’ve lost your air of mystery A woman’s power is in her

presence In person you can weave your magic, on the phone you’re much too vulnerable

So, if he’s calling you thirty times a day, you definitely don't need to talk to him that

frequently Talk to him 15 to 20 minutes at the most (I know, I know, this is a tough one,

but trust me, it works.) If he wants more of your time than that he needs to be taking you

on a date

This is especially true of cell phones Think about it, when someone has your cell phone number they have 24-hour access to you Do you really want to share that with someone who has made absolutely no commitment to you? Keep it to landlines until the two of you are exclusive, and even then the telephone is a tool, period Yes, I know lots

of people have gotten rid of landlines If you don’t have one you have no choice to give a man your cell number, but you don’t have to answer it every time he calls Phones are to

be used exclusively for setting up dates It doesn’t really matter where you go or what you do as long as it’s done in person (Note: No kicking it at his place, or yours either That’s far too intimate and dangerous You’re not his buddy you’re a woman and should

be treated as such.) When he calls, limit your conversation to fifteen minutes, tops

You’re a lovely desirable woman, if he wants to spend time with you he has to take you somewhere public You don’t have time to hang out on the phone with some guy If he doesn’t ask you out within a few conversations, move on While you’re wasting time sitting up on the phone with him, you’re missing out on a great guy who actually wants to

be with you

Free Lesson #4

Just Say No to Hooking Up

I’m surprised by how often I get asked this question How to stop hooking up with guys outside a relationship For the purpose of this chapter “hooking-up” is defined as casual sex (This is the worst oxymoron I’ve ever heard How can the exchange of bodily fluids ever be called “casual?”) An addendum to this issue is the question of how do you turn a hook-up situation into the relationship The short answer is, you can’t Yes, I know there are a few women who’ve managed this, but let me put it this way, it’s as rare as fat-free food that actually tastes good

First, let me explain something that many women either don’t know or don’t

understand In the realm of casual sex our biology is working against us When a woman has an orgasm, her brain releases oxytocin Essentially oxytocin is a bonding hormone and is the same hormone that is released when a woman nursing her baby This is one of the reasons casual sex is such a minefield for many women In all likelihood social

conditioning plays a role as well Most women don’t want to be labeled as promiscuous

so we delude ourselves into believing that we loooovvvve our sex partner regardless of our original intention Remember the human mind is incredibly powerful It’s capable of pretty much anything, even creating a pregnancy where none exists So it’s not surprising that we can convince ourselves that we love someone to avoid a slut stigma Does the notion of attachment through sex apply to all? Of course not, but I’ve heard way too much weeping over this issue to believe that it can be trouble-free My advice, avoid it like fat-free cheese

I worked with a woman for whom sex after a date had become like an automatic reflex Much like offering a moist towelette after a plate of ribs she would find herself having sex with men she barely knew and have no idea how she got there This kind of compulsive behavior is indicative of boundary issues, sometimes stemming from sexual abuse Women who’ve been sexually abused frequently lose a sense of self, of having ownership of their body They’ve been conditioned to believe that their body exists only for the pleasure of others But even women who haven’t been abused can sometimes have

difficulty saying no One young woman told me that she didn’t want to be rude (I doubt even Emily Post would take good manners that far!) Others have said that they felt

obliged after a man has paid for an expensive date Bonus Free Lesson, unless you’re a call girl the only thing the expenditure of money entitles a man to is the pleasure of your (clothed) company Period Even a hooker has the right to say no

Some time ago the comedian Adam Corolla said something very interesting on the radio show, Loveline He proposed that someone invent a genitalia boot, much like the automobile boot for those who can’t use their genitals properly Being that chastity belts are no longer in vogue you have to create your own boot, at least psychologically Use visualization if you have to Next time you find yourself in a situation where you know you have no business getting naked, just imagine that boot keeping Miss Kitty on

lockdown I know it’s hard to say no when you’re all hot and bothered That’s why you avoid getting hot and bothered outside a committed relationship And when I say

committed relationship I’m not talking about the delusions we sometimes create to trap ourselves I’m talking about a relationship where words have been spoken If he hasn’t given you the “Bess, You Is My Woman Now,” talk, there is no relationship, no matter what you’ve convinced yourself he means

In the early stages of the courtship you simply avoid any situation that could lead to getting horizontal That is, no sofa sitting You go on dates, not going to his place to chill

No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise, we all know what that is Your home is your sanctuary don’t have men hanging out there If he tries to steer the conversation into a sexual area, you steer it right back into neutral territory or Get Off the Damned Phone! If he brings up the topic of having sex (and he will) make it clear that you don’t feel “safe” having sex outside a monogamous relationship Either he’ll offer a relationship, or he’ll move on And remember, don’t have this conversation with him while has an erection; most men will say anything to get the panties

Remember to use words like “safe” and “secure” You want to keep this in the emotional realm, which is a woman’s strong suit You don’t want to get into a “logic” debate Many women have been talked into all manner of nonsense by men using so-called logic That’s not to say that women are illogical, but in this particular area,

emotions are a stronger weapon Men are immensely teachable If you tell them what you

want in a non-confrontational manner they’ll do their best to give it to you Men want to make us happy, but we have to tell them directly what we want There is nothing wrong with telling a man that you want a committed relationship if that’s what you want No point in wasting your time if you’re not on the same page Simple, direct communication

of your wants and needs is the best way to get them met

Free Lesson #5

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

This topic keeps coming up both in the real world and online There seems to be a mindset that waiting for an established relationship before having sex is a bad idea The argument is that they want to know how the other person is in the sack before committing

to that person In other words, they want to try it before they buy it While that is

definitely a good plan when it comes to buying a car, it’s not so hot as it pertains to human relationships For one thing, it seems odd to me that people are putting such a premium on good sex Is good sex important? Most assuredly, but I think the best sex is a side effect of a good relationship Not the other way around I suspect that this focus on good sex, especially as it pertains to size of genitalia and technique is more about

maintaining intimacy barriers than anything else It’s odd to think of sex as a barrier to intimacy, but unfortunately many people use it this way It’s almost like a fetish––

something for people to focus on to keep from looking at their partner as a person

I also believe that most people have a much easier time getting out of a good

relationship with bad sex than the obverse There’s this phenomenon called getting

“caught up” I used to hear it all the time with my clients, usually after the woman was already pregnant I would always ask how they intended to co-parent the child and would usually get a reaction like, “I hate him I don’t want him anywhere near my baby.” Or

“That bitch tried to trap me She won’t let me see my kid.” And before you shake your head at the immaturity of teenagers, some of these people were in their late twenties or early thirties One of the former couples I counseled were so hostile to one another that they literally had to have security available any time they needed to exchange the child for visitation There are facilities available these days that are set up by the courts to do nothing but provide support for families dealing with visitation issues I’ve always

thought that was rather sad I just wonder how you can go from caring about a person enough to exchange bodily fluids to loathing the sight of them in a matter of weeks Of course, I know the answer This is a symptom of getting “caught up.” If the nookie is good, it’s a lot harder to turn a bad person loose This is a primary reason why it’s better

to establish the relationship first.

Good sex has a tendency to blind us to the other person’s flaws That old standard

“Smoke Gets In Your Eyes,” has always been and always will be true Contrary to the old wives’ tale masturbation won’t make you go blind, but good sex most assuredly will It’s

a clear and beautiful warning for those smart enough to pay heed

Time and time again I’ve had people tell me the best sex they ever had was with someone they knew was bad for them Crazy sex is always good sex That element of danger is an aphrodisiac for some people If you know that you’re all but taking your life

in your hands every time you get down with that person it tends to trigger a fight or flee response Your body doesn’t care what gets your blood racing; it just knows that you’re experiencing excitement And let’s face it the wrong guy is usually far more exciting than the right guy, if for no other reason than he’s totally unpredictable He has the dick of death because he knows he doesn’t have anything else to offer Girlfriend is always down for whatever because she knows nobody would tolerate her batshit crazy behavior

otherwise But with maturity and life experience you’ll come to realize that the best sex, the absolute best sex comes with the person who hits the clit of your soul The person you know you’re safe with, who you know will take care of you and knows you want to take care of them

I saved the most important reason to keep your eyes clear for last What with modern technology and better living through chemistry, we have a tendency to forget that all this sexing could very well lead to a pregnancy In fact the more sexing you do the more

likely you are to get pregnant (Can you believe they actually had to conduct a study to

come to this conclusion? Oy vey!) Let me say it again: Every time you have sex you could be making a baby You’re taking a chance on someone being in your life, and your gene pool forever To my mind it only makes sense to take the time to get to know him as well as possible before you let him see you naked Sexual incompatibility is something that can usually be resolved if both parties are willing to work on it Being stuck with a sociopath for a co-parent? Not so much Who you choose to sleep with is potentially one

of the most important decisions of your life, yet many people give it far less thought than they do the purchase of a new car, or even a pair of shoes

I remember an episode of the television show Frasier where Roz had gotten pregnant