The wedding custom of vietnamese people and english people = phong tục cưới hỏi của người việt nam và người anh

Some differences between the modern Vietnamese weddings and the past ones...14 CHAPTER II: BRITISH WEDDING CUSTOM ...17 2.1.. One more point which should be mentioned is whether the wed

VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY – HO CHI MINH CITY

UNIVERSITY OF SOCIAL SCIENCES AND HUMANITIES

TERTIARY LEVEL SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH PROJECT

Supervisor: Ms VÕ THỊ HOÀNG MAI

Ho Chi Minh, April – 2008

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

Introduction 4

CHAPTER I: VIETNAMESE WEDDING CUSTOM 6

1.1 Vietnamese wedding custom in the past 6

1.1.1 Nap Thai etiquette 6

1.1.2 Van Danh etiquette 6

1.1.3 Nap Cat etiquette 8

1.1.4 Nap Te etiquette 8

1.1.5 Thinh Ki etiquette 8

1.1.6 Nghenh hon etiquette 8

1.2 Vietnamese wedding custom in modern times 9

1.2.1 Stages of Vietnamese wedding custom in modern times 10

1.2.1.1 Cham Ngo etiquette 10

1.2.1.2 Hoi etiquette 10

1.2.1.3 Cuoi etiquette 13

1.2.2 Some differences between the modern Vietnamese weddings and the past ones 14

CHAPTER II: BRITISH WEDDING CUSTOM 17

2.1 British engagement and wedding ceremony and some related custom and rites 17

2.1.1 Engagement ceremony 17

2.1.2 Preparations for weddings 18

2.1.3 Wedding ceremony 22

2.2 Wedding parties 25

2.2.1 Wedding cakes 25

2.2.2 Wedding parties 27

2.2.3 Dancing 29

2.3 Honeymoon 29

CHAPTER III: THE ORIGIN OF WEDDING CUSTOM 31

3.1 The origin of English wedding custom 31

3.2 The origin of Vietnamese wedding custom 33

BIBLIOGRAPHY 38

INTRODUCTION

1 The problem and rationale:

Vietnam is now on the way to get integrated into the world The word

“integration” has been used more often since Vietnam became an official member of the Association of South-East Asian Nations (ASEAN), the United Nations (UN), and the World Trade Organisation (WTO) Studying other countries’ cultures is an important step in the integration process

In addition, in the modern age, there have been many English people who work and live in Vietnam, and vice versa From this relationship, there are more weddings between Vietnamese people and English people

Therefore, knowing the wedding customs of English people is quite important to those majoring in English in particular and Vietnamese people in general One more point which should be mentioned is whether the wedding customs of English people have influenced those of Vietnamese people or not and in what ways Vietnamese wedding customs have been influenced

2 Aims and objectives:

There have been many research and articles about the wedding custom

of English people and Vietnamese people However, researchers just mention the wedding customs of English people or Vietnamese people; they did not do any research on whether the wedding custom of Vietnamese people is influenced by that of English people In this research, we hope to give an answer to this question

This research also support the course of “The basic of Vietnamese

culture” which is taught in the first semester and the course of British Studies

which is taught in the fifth and sixth semesters at Faculty of English Linguistics and Literature – University of Social Sciences and Humanities – Vietnam National University – Ho Chi Minh City

In addition, we also hope that this research will help readers more confident when communicating with foreigners, especially English people since this research may be an overview of a part of English culture and Vietnamese culture.

CHAPTER I: VIETNAMESE WEDDING

CUSTOM 1.1 Vietnamese wedding custom in the past

In the past, especially among the upper classes, a marriage was arranged not by the couple themselves but by their families The purpose of marriage was not only the settlement of the couple’s life but also the establishment of an alliance between two families

According to “Thọ mai gia lễ” by Hồ Sỹ Tân (cited in Pham Con Son, 2007: 33), a traditional wedding has six etiquettes: nap thai, van danh, nap te, thinh ki, and nghenh hon

1.1.1 Nap Thai etiquette (Lễ Nạp Thái):

Nap Thai etiquette is also called Cham Ngo etiquette (lễ Chạm Ngõ) This etiquette is the first time members of groom’s family (or matchmaker) and groom visits bride’s family to formally propose marriage to her In this etiquette, the groom’s family has to present to the bride’s family with betel leaves, betel-nuts, Vietnamese rice wine and tea

Picture 1.1: Betel leaves, and betel-nuts

1.1.2 Van Danh etiquette (Lễ Vấn Danh):

Van Danh, which also takes place in the bride’s family, is the etiquette after Nap Thai The Van Danh etiquette is also called An Hoi where names and ages of prospective brides and grooms are exchanged Then the two families would compare the bride’s age with the groom’s age in order to decide whether they have compatible ages for marriage or not In the Van Danh etiquette, the couple is formally introduced to each other and to their future spouse’s family

as betrothed

This is also the time for two families, especially the parents, to get to know each other Besides betel leaves, betel-nuts, Vietnamese rice wine and tea, the groom’s family has to present Xoi Ga (steamed glutinous rice mixed with chicken), a roast pork and cakes Moreover, Su Se cakes (a special kind of green - colored pastry used for Vietnamese wedding) and Com cakes (grilled cakes of fresh rice) are also required The Su Se cake with the green colour symbolizes for Yang and the Com cake with the white colour symbolizes for Yin According to Vietnamese custom, the harmony of Yin and Yang means the harmony of the nature

On this day, the bride’s family would require wedding presents from the future groom’s family The couple could only be formally married, if the groom’s family can satisfy all of these requirements The presents usually are a couple of gold ear-rings, a couple of gold rings, blankets, flowered sedge mats, clothes, etc

At the end of the Van Danh day, the bride’s family gives a little of the presents back to the groom’s family and the rest is given to cousins, neighbors and friends of the bride’s family as a wedding announcement

Picture 1.2: Su Se cakes

1.1.3 Nap Cat etiquette (Lễ Nạp Cát):

In the Nap Cat etiquette, the groom’s family will inform the bride’s family about the best day for receiving bride

1.1.6 Nghenh Hon etiquette (Lễ Nghênh Hôn):

This is the last stage and also the chief part of a wedding ceremony The procession of the groom’s family is led by a specific order: the first person will

be a man chosen as the representative of the groom's house (he should have a good manner of speaking along with high status in society), followed by the present carriers and the huge traditional umbrellas, the groom's father, the groom, then the rest of his immediate family and close friends

Interestingly, in the past the groom's mother did not take part in the procession as a sign that she would not be a threat to the future bride (and she would even hide for a short period upon the bride's welcome into the groom's home) However, this practice has long been abandoned

Wedding rituals are performed before the ancestral altars of two families The couple then officially becomes husband and wife

In Vietnamese traditional wedding custom, there was another etiquette, which was called cheo etiquette (lễ cheo) Cheo etiquette was held before or after the Nghinh Hôn etiquette, the groom’s family offered some gifts or a sum

of money to the bride’s village In the past, only after this etiquette, the wedding was officially certified by the bride’s villagers

Picture 1.3: Nghenh Hon etiquette

1.2 Vietnamese wedding custom in the modern times:

In the old age, if two lovers want to become a couple, they had to organize a lot of etiquette Some etiquette, however, is gradually cut out nowadays and only indispensable ceremonies are retained There are many reasons for this but two followings are principal ones

• The first is life condition The life is now more and more civilized and modern Vietnamese people find that the old wedding customs are complex and unnecessary to organize all of them On the other hand, bride’s and bridegroom’s family also want to reduce wedding expenses for useful purposes after wedding

• The second is Party and Government’s regulation to carry out “a solemn, healthy and economical wedding”

Cutting out some unnecessary etiquette not only brings about economy for bride’s and bridegroom’s families, but also reduces some social evils which appear through some etiquette such as exacting wedding-presents in some village communities, etc

1.2.1 Stages of Vietnamese wedding custom in modern times:

From 1997 to now (2008), Vietnamese weddings usually have three following etiquettes: Cham Ngo etiquette (Lễ Chạm Ngõ), Hoi etiquette (Lễ Hỏi), Cuoi ettiquette (Lễ Cưới)

1.2.1.1 Cham Ngo Etiquette (Proposal etiquette)

Nowadays, bride and bridegroom’s marriages are based on their love They know each other by sight That’s the reason why Cham Ngo etiquette (Lễ Chạm Ngõ) is no longer an occasion for the bridegroom meets the bride and versus This is the first time bridegroom’s family come to bride’s family to see each other The bridegroom’s family will bring bride’s family offerings such as tea, wine, fruits, pork pies and fermented pork roll, etc This visit completely is

a chance for the bridegroom’s family to give a proposal After this etiquette, if nothing bad happens, Le Hoi (Engagement Etiquette) will be carried out

1.2.1.2 Hoi Etiquette (Lễ Hỏi, Engagement Etiquette)

When two families decide an appropriate day, Le Hoi (Engagement Etiquette) will be organized Bridegroom’s family often brings bride’s family six trays including betel and areca, tea and wine, fruits, pork pie and pork roll, jewelry, and cakes (may be yellow-colored wedding pastry, green rice flake cake or cream cake, etc.)

Picture 1.4 a, b, c, d: Wedding offerings Depending on each region, offerings can be different but betel and areca, tea and wine, cakes are indispensable ones In the old days, when bridegroom’s family comes to meet the bride and bring her home, they let off firecrackers to drive away evil spirits This custom is changed now Exploding firecrackers is often done by bride’s family to welcome bridegroom’s family Firecrackers are

let off before bride’s father invites bridegroom’s family to enter his house However, the Vietnamese Government has forbidden letting off firecrackers because of their harmful effects Therefore, balloons are used to replace firecrackers nowadays On engagement etiquette day, bride and bridegroom will wear traditional Áo Dài and Khăn đóng (turban) in the ceremony

Picture 1.5a: The bride and bridegroom in Áo Dài and Khăn Đóng

In recent years, the bridegroom preferred wearing suit to dress and turban

Picture 1.5b: The bride in Ao Dai and the bridegroom in suit

At the end of the etiquette, bride’s family will give a party to feast bridegroom’s family When engagement etiquette ends, bride’s family will take

some offerings to give back for bridegroom’s family The rest will be divided for immediate family and other relatives About one or two weeks before wedding day, wedding announcement cards (wedding invitation) will be sent to guests for announcing the wedding day, wedding time and wedding place, and inviting them

Picture 1.6: Wedding invitation

1.2.1.3 Cưới etiquette (Lễ cưới, Wedding Etiquette)

In the past, after Le Hoi (Engagement Etiquette), two families had to

etiquet

long time, even two or three years, to hold the Le Cuoi (Weddte) As we have mentioned above, wedding organization now is much simpler than it used to Nowadays, right after Le Hoi (Engagement Etiquette),

Le Cuoi (Wedding Etiquette) is organized It is often organized within two days One is in the bride’s side and one is in the bridegroom’s Wedding dresses are soirée (for the bride) and suit (for the bridegroom) in the banquet; however, áo dài (for the bride only) is still used in traditional ceremony in the morning

Picture 1.7: Bride and groom’s clothes in wedding party

In modern weddings, musical bands are often invited to sing and dance Therefore, the atmosphere of weddings is much livelier After wedding, the couple will enjoy their “honey moon” To them, this is a private and meaningful time

Picture 1.8: Honeymoon in Dalat There are many differences between the modern weddings and the past ones Modern weddings change in form, conception and marital custom; however, the meaning of wedding processes does not change

1.2.2 Some differences between the modern Vietnamese

weddings and the past ones

• In the past, there were six etiquettes for a wedding (Nap Thai, Van Danh, Nap Cat, Nap Te, Thinh Ky, Nghenh Hon) but in the modern times, there are only three (Cham Ngo, Le Hoi, Cuoi)

• In the past, after Le Hoi (Engagement Etiquette), the bride and the bridegroom were not allowed to meet each other but now they freely meet each other

• On the wedding day, bridegroom’s mother did not come to the bride’s house, hiding at the corner with a lime-pot on her hands It is to avoid conflicts between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, but this custom does not exist now

• Besides the old kind of party (sitting at tables which was prepared in advance), a new kind of party appears That is kind of buffet – foods is arranged into long rows and everyone will stand during wedding party This kind of party is very popular in collective weddings because it is economical

• Guests who come to wedding party often offer gifts to brides and bridegrooms Now, they often present money than gifts Therefore, there is

a box at the gate for guests to put money into Before leaving the money, guests are invited to sign their names on a beautiful cloth which will be kept

by the bride and bridegroom as a souvenir It is to avoid being impolite when bride, bridegroom and their parents hasten to slip money into their pockets

Picture 1.10: Bride and bridegroom are often the first two people signing on the

Vietnamese weddings in modern time have had a lot of changes in comparison with the past ones However, they have not lost the traditional beauty Modern weddings not only inherit good tradition of the ancients but also renovate to keep pace with the development of our country If people do not select outside cultural values for the weddings, weddings themselves will lose their good traditions

CHAPTER II: BRITISH WEDDING CUSTOM

In chapter I “Vietnamese wedding custom”, we have divided into two main parts; they are “Vietnamese wedding ceremony in the past” and

“Vietnamese wedding ceremony in modern times” because custom and rites in

engagement and wedding celebration in old days and in modern ages have many changes They have been less complicated, and have cultural acquirement from other countries Whereas, chapter II “British wedding custom” has a different setting because from ancient times to the present, custom and rites in engagement and wedding in Britain in particular, and in Europe in general have hardly changed The information below is extracted

from The Book of Days by Adrian Wallwork and two websites:

www.weddings.co.uk and www.weddings.co.uk

2.1 British engagement and wedding ceremony and some related custom and rites

2.1.1 Engagement ceremony

There is a proverb that: “marriage halves our grief, doubles our joys,

and quadruples our expenses.” Therefore, marital decision is one of the most

important ones in our lives However, in the past, couples who fell in love with each other could seldom decide their marriage on their own Their marriage must be accepted by their parents as well as their relatives

Normally, the man did not make a proposal by himself; he asked one of his close friends or his relatives to express his aspiration to his sweat-heart in front of her family In British custom, if they see a blind man, or a pregnant woman, that proposal will not be accepted, because those omens will bring bad luck However, if they see a she-goat or a pigeon or wolf, it is a lucky thing

However, nowadays, many things have changed; custom and rites in engagement and wedding have not been as complex as they used to be

Engagement has become more romantic, because along with proposal, the man gives his sweatheart a ring Engagement is a procedure as well as the first step leading them to their wedding

After the proposal was accepted, the girl’s surname will be changed into her would-be husband However, this surname is called after the marriage

2.1.2 Preparations for weddings

The next thing is choosing the day to celebrate the wedding Nowadays, most weddings often take place on Saturdays because everybody is off on that day However, in the past, Saturday and Friday, especially Friday the 13th were considered unlucky Besides, June was considered to be a lucky month to marry in because it is named after Juno, the Roman goddess of love and marriage And, the summer as a whole was considered a good time to marry and this is partly to do with the sun’s association with fertility

As we have mentioned above, the wedding must be carefully prepared because it is one of the most important events in our life Wedding preparation includes preparation of wedding cards, wedding dress, flowers, etc

invitations are mailed in double envelopes The inner envelope may be lined, is not gummed, and fits into the outer envelope The outer envelope is gummed for sealing and addressing Along with the wedding invitation, the ensemble may also include a response card and envelope The response card is traditionally used for gathering totals for the caterer and getting a general of guests attending The recipient is asked to mail back the response card roughly two weeks before the wedding or by the date indicated The envelope is pre-addressed and pre-stamped by the wedding party for ease In addition, a wedding invitation often includes a map or direction card, and accommodation information Besides, wedding invitation may be printed using one of the following methods: engraving, lithography, thermography, letterpress printing and sometimes blind embossing In particular, hand-made wedding invitation has become increasingly popular due to the rise in popularity to the cardmaking and scrapbooking craft hobbies

• Wedding gifts

Picture 2.2: Wedding gifts

A gift list is prepared by the couple (the bride and bridegroom) in order

to avoid duplication of gifts It is essential that this list include items at all price levels so that guests do not feel obliged into spending more than they can afford Therefore, the couple should provide a wide range of alternative ideas However, gifts which both bride and groom can use and enjoy in their future life are better than personal gifts such as jeweler Wedding gifts should be