The Teenage Years: Advice For Parents On How To Cope doc

• Set different times for the weekday and weekend to give your teenager time to visit friends and see a movie after a long week of school.. • When your teenager goes out on the weekend,

The Teenage Years:

Advice For Parents On How To Cope

Maxx Publishing

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Introduction

Your teenager no longer tells you about their day They make new friends

and do not introduce them to you They are constantly asking to stay out late

on Friday nights And they colored their hair Sound familiar? You are not

alone Teenagers can be a handful for many parents Most teenagers are not

trouble makers But most will try to push the boundaries you have set

concerning curfew and grades Some teenagers will become silent and

withdrawn

Many parents are at a loss as to what to do when their teenager begins to

separate themselves from the rest of the family Parents suddenly lose their

footing They have many questions and concerns

• Curfews

• Privacy

• Talking

• After school activities

• Wanting your child back

• Working

• Warning signs

• Popularity

• Dating

• College

• Divorce

• Death

• Moving

Although your teenager will grow out of this phase, there is so much to

worry about that parents feel as though they are losing their minds They can

feel trapped, alone, and scared But chances are your teenager feels the same

way Talking to a teenager can be difficult, but it must be done in order to

keep the lines of communication open Remembering your teen as that cute,

friendly child is not uncommon But your teenager is past that station in life

and is getting ready to embark on adulthood Give them the support they will

need when they do start talking to you again

Curfews

When your teen reaches high school, they will be making friends, dating,

and joining after school clubs and activities They will want to go to movies,

visit friends, and hang out at the mall On Friday and Saturday night, they

will want to stay out past their weekday curfew

Some teens have jobs that require them to work late on the weekends You

will have to use your judgment when deciding to give your teenager a longer

curfew When trying to teach your children how to be independent, you will

have to set boundaries so that your teenager learns how to be responsible,

returns home safely, and stays out of trouble Curfews can be set up a few

ways

• Set different times for the weekday and weekend to give your

teenager time to visit friends and see a movie after a long week of

school Decide on a time by asking for your teens input You

ultimately have the final say in the curfew, but by giving your teen

room to offer an opinion, they will feel you are listening to them

• When your teenager goes out on the weekend, designate a time that

they will have to call so that you know where they are and when they

should be home

• If your teenager works, make sure you have a copy of their work

schedule and a phone number where you can call in case of an

emergency If you teenager wants to go out after work, they should

call and let you know before leaving work

• Tell your teenager that curfews will change if you want them to

participate in a family activity You will give them advanced notice so

that they can plan accordingly

• Curfew times may also change during the summer

Make it clear to your teenager that if they do not follow these rules or if their

grades slip, that you will have to revoke curfew privileges Teenagers need

to know that having an extended curfew is a privilege, not a right These

rules may need to be adjusted if your teenager drives or needs to borrow

your car

Privacy

Privacy is one issue that you and your teenager will have to discuss Many

teenagers are not happy when their parents enter their room without being

invited This does not mean that your teenager is hiding anything or is

engaging in illegal activities, they just want their private space

You will have to decide when it is appropriate to enter your teenagers room

and when not too Many times they will not mind if you are in their room

But when they have had a bad day, they will want their privacy

Other times, it may be necessary to go into their room when they are out and

look around If you suspect drug use or other illegal activity, then go ahead

It is better to invade a teenager’s privacy and find nothing, then to not invade

their privacy and discover they were harming themselves Hopefully, you

will not find anything that is suspect

You know your teenager You know their mood swings and you know when

they need to be alone But when they are acting out more than usual, their

grades start to slip, or they are always in their room, then it may be time to

inspect it

A need for privacy is a human need People need different levels of privacy

Your teenager may never need privacy, or they may need a lot Most

teenagers like to have their own space, but enjoy when you visit Finding

this balance is what every parent strives for Talk to your teenager about

what they expect from you and what you expect from them Having these

discussions will make situations down the road much easier to deal with

Talking

Sometimes talking with your teenager is not easy They may ignore you, talk

rudely, walk away, or argue Many times they will not stay around long

enough to start a conversation How does this happen? How long will it last?

Talking with your teen requires you to find the right times to approach them,

and to know when to stay away You will have to play by their rules many

times

Promoting conversation begins by eating at the dinner table at least twice a

week This could be difficult with everyone’s schedules, but you can have a

Sunday dinner and maybe squeeze in a meal during the week Have the meal

at the kitchen table and turn off the television There may be silence for the

first couple of times, but this will change Do not expect miracles Asking

your teenager a hundred questions during the meal will not yield a response

Ask one or two questions If your teenager answers in one word responses,

let it go Do not get angry, this will only ruin your meal

Another way to promote conversation or at least get your teenager in the

same room with you is to not let them have a television in their room They

will be forced to watch television in the living room This may be a good

time to talk to them Many times your teenager will be willing to talk and

will be in a good mood Teenagers have weird mood swings that are

unpredictable You will have to do your best to engage them in conversation

A third way to promote conversation is to take them out to lunch When food

is involved, most people will be willing to go along for the trip Other

suggestions are volunteering together for a charity, going on family

vacations, or walks will help when trying to communicate with your

teenager

Sometimes you will not be able to talk to your teenager It is important that

you do not get angry as this will only make you more stressed The silence

will not last It is important to give your teenager room to be alone, but still

let them know that you are available to talk at any time

Conversation does not have to be about anything in particular You can talk

about anything Sometimes simple conversation can have a bigger impact on

your teenager’s life then deep conversations Teenage problems may not

seem like a big deal to adults, but the truth is that they are for the teenager

Sometimes being able to laugh at a joke or talk about some trivial will help

them relax and forget about their problems

After School Activities

For many teenagers, what they do after school is the highlight of their day

Many participate in sports, clubs, or have jobs Having variety in one’s life

makes it more interesting and challenging Teenagers need to have goals and

feel like they have a social identity After school activities provide this and

more

Most after school programs require that a student maintain a certain grade

point average This creates goals for the teenager Not only will they have to

do well in their activities, they will also have to make sure their grades are

acceptable After school activities will also look good on a student’s

transcript if they want to go to college

But what happens when your teenager’s activities interfere with their grades,

family time, and sleep? This can happen for many reasons

• Too many activities – You teenager many have made too many

commitments during the school year If they are not getting enough

sleep and their grades are beginning to slip, then it is time to talk with

your teenager about cutting back on their after school activities

• Stress – This can happen if your teenager is feeling they cannot

handle everything they are involved in You may suggest giving an

activity up

• New friends – If your teenager is hanging out with people you don’t

know, then get to know who they are If they are not involved in the

same activities as your teenager, they may be encouraging your

teenager to not participate Talk to your teenager and find out if this is

the case Ask them why they would want to give up activities they

enjoy

• Harmful activities – If you suspect your child is harming themselves

with drugs or alcohol, confront them and ask questions Call their

teachers and ask if they have noticed any behavioural changes have

taken place

Always make sure your teenager can handle everything they sign up for

You can also set a limit as to how many after school activities they will be

able to participate in Teach your teenager that once they commit to

something, they have to do their best to follow-through But if you see that

they are failing, then it may time to lessen the load Focusing on an

education is what they need to be doing, so suggest that they not volunteer

for so many projects and activities at once Many schools monitor a

teenagers grades to ensure that they are meeting the requirements to stay

involved in after school activities

Wanting Your Child Back

After a few years into their teens, you will wish you had your child back

You will remember the way they used to be Teenagers change overnight

They will go from children to teenagers to young adults Even though, it

may seem your teenager will always be rude, have a negative view of life

sometimes, and will not always want to be with the family, these years pass

by quickly Soon your teenager will be going away to school or starting a

new job Their attitude will get better No, they will never be young again,

but they will always be your child It is okay to feel this way All parents

feel this way

Working

For extra spending money or when they are saving money for college, some

teenagers will get part-time jobs These jobs are usually on the weekends

and one or two afternoons a week Treat working like you treat after school

activities If their grades start to drop, you may want to tell them they can

only work weekends If this does not work, then they should not be working

at all except during the summer

Warning Signs

These may not always be obvious Teenagers are good at keeping things

from their parents You will have to keep a close watch and take note of any

changes in emotion or stress levels Common warning signs include:

• More frequent mood swings

• Grades begin to drop

• Hanging out with new friends

• Depressed more often

• Drastic clothing changes

• Insomnia

• Diet changes

• Withdrawing from friends

• Physical condition deteriorating

These signs could be nothing, but you should stay aware and if these

changes are occurring quickly, then it is time to have a talk with your

teenager Find out what is going on Many teenagers find new friends or

experiment with how they look These signs alone are not enough But when

they are combined with others on this list, there may be a problem

If your teenager had a friend who died or a family they were close to pass

away, these changes could be temporary It is still best to talk with your

teenager just to make sure If they do not want to talk to you, then you

should suggest a close friend or a counsellor Many teenagers are simply

depressed and unsure about their future This will happen as they get closer

to adulthood They may need guidance in terms of a job counsellor or

college advisor

Warning signs should not be taken lightly Protect yourself, your family, and

your teenager by confronting a problem before it becomes too big Write

down questions you would like to ask beforehand so that you do not get

Popularity

There are two sides to popularity Those who are popular and those who are

not Whichever way your teenager goes, there will be problems

• Unpopular children are teased, physically harmed, and treated

poorly by most of their peers There are various reasons for this As a

parent, it will be difficult to help your teenager They will be

embarrassed and not want to talk about their problems Many

unpopular teenagers have a few friends Concentrate on the friends

they have, not on the ones they don’t Suggest to your teenager that

they have friends over, visit other friend’s houses, and try to suggest

activities that will promote friendship and unity

Concentrating on ways to fix your teenager’s problems will not help

them mature, be more popular, or have the ability to plan for the

future Unless your child is being physically harmed, it is best to just

listen to their problems Many times when people talk about things

that are bothering them, they feel better

You teenager may start out unpopular, but by the time they are

seniors, they will have made a few close friends and have

accomplished much by trying out new interests Always try to be

encouraging Allow your teenager to try now hobbies They will meet

other people, will forget about their problems at school, and will be

able to move past the need to feel accepted all the time

• Popular children can also have problems Although these problems

may be different than an unpopular person’s, the basic theme is the

same Popular teenagers have to go along with what everyone else in

the group is doing even if they don’t want to This can cause stress

and also make a teenager angry

Many times they will take their anger out on teenagers who are less

popular As a parent, you will need to encourage other ways for your

teenager to deal with their anger Taking out their frustration will not

benefit anyone and could get them into trouble at school