Plain Talk: Clear Customer Documents That Work A two-day workshop for Washington’s Plain Talk leads July 2005 Washington Department of Personnel

• Looking at the Plain Talk Executive Order • Why plain language?. Example and discussion • Starting your Plain Talk project • Choosing and planning your document Lunch • Making your rev

Washington Department of Personnel

Instructor: Dana Howard Botka

Day 1 - 8 a.m – 4:30 p.m.

• Looking at the Plain Talk Executive Order

• Why plain language? Example and discussion

• Starting your Plain Talk project

• Choosing and planning your document

Lunch

• Making your revisions legally sound

Guest speaker – Office of the Attorney General

• Writing guidelines (Discussion and exercises)

Day 2 - 8 a.m – 4:30 p.m.

• Writing guidelines, continued

• “Group write” outlines of actual documents

• Navigating Plain Talk through your agency

Lunch

• Usability testing

• Conclusion

After this workshop, you should

be able to:

 Plan a Plain Talk rewrite

 Have a plan for navigating your project through the agency

Executive Order 05-03

Plain Talk – March 24, 2005

communications are essential to good service

We communicate with businesses and

individuals through letters, forms, instructions, announcements, publications and other

documents … They must be written and

designed to they can be easily understood.”

Expectations for agencies

 Develop a Plain Talk plan that will work – and is meaningful for your type of agency

 Publicize your efforts internally

 Ensure readability and “use-ability” of the new

documents

What is Plain Talk?

It is plain language, or writing the typical customer can understand and act upon after a single reading.

Original VA Letter

Dear :

Please furnish medical evidence in support of your pension claim The best evidence to submit would be a report of a recent examination by your personal physician, or a report from a hospital or clinic that has treated you recently The report should include complete findings and diagnoses of the condition which renders you permanently and totally disabled It is not necessary for you to receive an examination at this time We only need a report from a doctor, hospital, or clinic that has treated you recently This evidence should be submitted as soon as possible, preferably within 60 days If you do not receive this information within 60 days from the date of this letter, your claim will be denied Evidence must be received in the Department of Veterans Affairs within one year from the date of this letter; otherwise, benefits, if entitlement is established, may not be paid prior to the date of its receipt SHOW VETERAN’S FULL NAME AND VA FILE NUMBER ON ALL EVIDENCE SUBMITTED Privacy Act Information: The information requested by this letter is authorized by existing law (38 U.S.C 210 (c)(1)) and is considered necessary and relevant to determine entitlement to maximum benefits applied for under this law The information submitted may be disclosed outside the Department of Veterans Affairs only as permitted by law.

_

Adjudication Officer

Revised VA Letter

Dear _:

We have your claim for a pension Our laws require us to ask you for more information The information you give us will help us decide whether we can pay you a pension.

What We Need

Send us a medical report from a doctor or clinic that you visited in the past six months The report should show why you can’t work Please take this letter and the enclosed Guide to your doctor.

When We Need It

We need the doctor’s report by [date] We’ll have to turn down your claim if we don’t get the report by that date.

Your Right to Privacy

The information you give us is private We might have to give out this information in a few special cases But we will not give it out to the general public without your permission We’ve attached a form which explains your privacy rights.

If you have any questions about this letter, you may call us at 1-800-827-1000 The call

is free.

Sincerely,

What about this language?

"We ask that you not add risk classifications or rates to your quarterly reports If your firm's nature of business has changed or you need additional risk classifications added to your industrial insurance account, please contact your account manager by calling 360-902-4817."

How is this different?

Has your business changed?

Do you have new employees or employees who have new job duties?

If so, please call us for help before adding new risk

classifications or rates to your quarterly reports Your company's rates must be individually calculated by your account manager

Thanks for helping us make your paperwork go

smoothly The number to call is:

360-902-4817

The customer

isn’t told why the

letter was sent.

What’s the message?

pharmacist.

Accusing tone makes readers think they’re in the wrong.

“This letter was pretty much useless It did nothing but generate calls Customers had absolutely no idea what we were talking

about.”

- Donna May, L&I Medical Information and Billing program

Put your main message at the top.

Tell them why

you are sending

Use boldface for your main points It will make it easier

to scan.

Words from L&I’s hotline

manager…

“ We used to get lots of questions about procedures

And questions about terms, like objective findings

and abeyance Now that has stopped Any time

there has been some kind of plain English program, there’s been a serious decline in questions The reaction is not immediate, but it’s

quick enough We see it and it’s amazing.”

- Bob Brown, Manager L&I Hotline staff

175,000 calls/year from injured workers and their employers

When customers don’t

understand documents …

You may have to …

 Write letters to explain

 Litigate

Starting your Plain Talk

document …

4. How long will it take?

#1 Choosing your documents

Things to consider:

complaints

Choosing your documents…

You inventory program documents But who

knows what actually needs changing?

 Meet with front counter & hotline staff

 Conduct informal field study of customers using documents

Choosing your documents

many people and programs? (L&I)

measure carefully? (Revenue –Licensing)

• Create a team of trained in-house Plain Talk

experts? (Ecology)

#2 Who will be involved?

 Customer experts: Who knows the questions

customers have after reading the letter?

 Writing experts: Who excels at clear writing?

 Policy experts: Who can check new letters for

accuracy?

 Stakeholders: Who are your interested

internal/external parties?

Who will be involved?

 Legal counsel: Who can check new letters to

ensure they meet legal requirements?

 Management: Who will sponsor the revision

and make sure staff uses it?

 Programming/distribution: Who can review

for any technical roadblocks?

Consider “Group Write”

Think about who needs to “be around the table” when you revise

you’re suggesting, then talk among themselves

time-consuming comment chains

They’ve seen the challenges

Now that you have chosen your first document to revise …

1 What is your goal?

Examples : My goal is to:

“…reduce the number of mistakes our customers make on our annual registration form.”

“… decrease the number of delinquent accounts in

my program.”

“… increase the amount of revenue we bring in

each year from voluntary tax payments.”

2 What is your document’s most important message?

This is what you’ve decided you need the

customer to “get” more than anything else:

“Renewing a registration only requires mailing a check with the form.”

“They owe money – and when it’s due.”

“ The doctor must answer Question #12, or we

cannot pay his bill.”

Example of messages on top

“It’s time to renew your registration.”

“We have accepted your injury claim.”

“We are citing you for violating an environmental law.”

Message on top example…

Thank you for your letter requesting wage replacement

benefits related to your earlier workplace injury or illness After reviewing your claim, I have decided to grant you these benefits, effective Oct 1, 2003.

Message on the top example…

Before:

We have been notified that you did not receive the state of Washington warrant listed on the attached Affidavit of Lost or Destroyed Warrant Request for Replacement,

form F242-026-000 The State Treasurer’s Office has

informed us that the warrant is outstanding and has not been cashed as of today’s date.

After:

Have you cashed your L&I check yet?

The State Treasurer’s Office has informed us that a check

we sent you has not been cashed Review the attached legal form It will show the amount of the check, what it was for, and the date it was issued

3 Who is your customer?

4 How is the document used?

 If it’s mailed, is it acted on by the person you’ve addressed it to?

 Is it used in a place where there is high

staff-turnover?

 Are the instructions in another document?

 Is it opened in a crowded or fast-paced

environment?

Class choice …

But is it still legal?

requirements into a “plain” document?

Our insurance definition of

employee …

 RCW 51.08.180

"Worker" Exceptions

 (1) "Worker" means every person in this state who is

engaged in the employment of an employer under this title, whether by way of manual labor or otherwise in the course

of his or her employment; also every person in this state

who is engaged in the employment of or who is working

under an independent contract, the essence of which is his

or her personal labor for an employer under this title,

whether by way of manual labor or otherwise, in the course

of his or her employment, or as a separate alternative, a

person is not a worker if he or she meets the tests set forth

Our safety definition of an

employee …

 The term "employee" means an employee of an

employer who is employed in the business of his

employer whether by way of manual labor or otherwise and every person in this state who is engaged in the

employment of or who is working under an independent contract the essence of which is his personal labor for an employer under this chapter whether by way of manual labor or otherwise

Our “wage and hour”

definition of an employee …

 5) "Employee" includes any individual employed by an

employer but shall not include:

(a) Any individual (i) employed as a hand harvest laborer and paid on a piece rate basis in an operation which has

been, and is generally and customarily recognized as having been, paid on a piece rate basis in the region of

employment; (ii) who commutes daily from his or her

permanent residence to the farm on which he or she is

employed; and (iii) who has been employed in agriculture less than thirteen weeks during the preceding calendar year; (b) Any individual employed in casual labor in or about a private home, unless performed in the course of the

employer's trade, business, or profession.

Our new tool for explaining the “employee” law …

Time well spent

 It took a year

 Staff

 Stakeholders in building construction

 We crafted a consensus definition, but usability

testing showed customers still found it too

complex

 Now a popular publication on its 3rd printing

Plain Talk Writing Guidelines

Using Plain Talk principles, the announcements, publications and other documents agencies send to the public will contain clear and concise instructions and information Documents written in Plain Talk will

include:

 Clear language that is commonly used by the intended audience;

 Only the information needed by the recipient, presented in a logical sequence;

headings and other proven techniques.

• Executive Order 05-03, Plain Talk, March 24, 2005

In other words …

#1 Organize and break up the message

 Organize them in a logical order

Why break it up?

• People scan for information before deciding

what to read – and act upon.

them: “Hey, this applies to me.”

• People don’t act on the document right away Make it easy to go back to the section they

need

Organize and break up the

message

(No dogs!) This is a message for all state employees who expect to be in town for the 4th of July weekend and would be interested in joining the Washington Hiker Club for a Saturday picnic and white water rafting

experience on the Nisqually River, ending up at the

Forest Beach camping area The charge is a mere $10 for adults, though children will be charged half (More information on this can be had by calling organizer

Judy Brown at 943-0093.)Bring your wetsuit, water

bottle and picnic lunch to the Crossroads parking lot at

9 a.m That’s Sat., July 3 We’ll go until 6 p.m.

Organize and break up the message

Class activity

#2 Use common, everyday words

Choose a simpler word:

Use everyday words by avoiding

Pursuant to The law says …

-Thanks to Janice C Redish, Redish & Associates

Some legal writing can make citizens think they must hire

a lawyer

Use everyday words by avoiding

“legalese”

Before:

By this notice, demand is hereby made for you

to exercise your right of election pursuant to RCW 51.24.070

After:

This is our formal demand for you to give us your decision

Avoid legalese …

Before:

WAC 296-24-012, “Working day” means a calendar day, except Saturdays, Sundays, and legal holidays as set forth in RCW

1.16.050, as now or hereafter amended, and for the purposes of the computation of time within which an act is to be done

under the provisions of this chapter, shall

be computed by excluding the first working day and including the last working day

 Martin Luther King Jr Day

Avoid legalese …

Can you translate?

This CITATION AND NOTICE OF

ASSESSMENT shall be deemed to be a final order of the Department and not subject to

review by any court or agency unless, within

fifteen (15) working days from the receipt of this CITATION AND NOTICE OF ASSESSMENT, the employer submits a Notice of Appeal.”

If you must use a specific term –

define it

Examination (IME) It will be conducted by a physician trained to treat your condition and will help us make decisions about your claim

• Please fill out the enclosed form, called a “Notice of

Environmental Hearing.”

• Your doctor (medical provider) must sign at the bottom

AFTER

Is it required? Make it clear

Unclear:

You shall fix the hazard

You will fix the hazard

You may fix the hazard

Clear:

You must fix the hazard

You are required to fix the hazard

#3 Eliminate unnecessary words

 Keep sentences short

“If users have to read the sentence

more than once to understand it, it is too long.”

Eliminate unnecessary words

one thought

 10-20 sentences are great, if possible

 Try out very short sentences:

Example from an L&I letter:

Is this a bill?

No It is proof that you paid your overdue bill.

Eliminate unnecessary words

Can you translate?

The department employees who have relevant issues to raise in our regular Wednesday

meeting should verbally communicate their

interest to us

Eliminate unnecessary words

Can you translate?

Due to the fact that the Department’s

recommendations for improvements were few

in number …

Eliminate unnecessary words

Can you translate?

To facilitate the implementation of the new policy changes we reviewed, an informal meeting will be scheduled to discuss our options

#4 Use an active voice

Active voice:

In sentences written in the active voice, the

subject performs the action expressed in the

verb In other words, the subject acts.

Examples:

The dog bit the boy

Mary will present her research to the club.

Scientists have conducted experiments on these chemicals.