HILARIOUS HALLOWEEN JOKES The Untold Book of Inspiring Quotes Alireza Pakdel Copyright © 21 Alireza Pakdel All rights reserved ISBN 9798426563841 TABLE OF CONTENTS I Funny Vampire Jokes 4 II Funny Gho.
Trang 1The Untold Book of Inspiring Quotes
Alireza Pakdel
Trang 2Copyright © 21 Alireza PakdelAll rights reserved.ISBN: 9798426563841
Trang 3I Funny Vampire Jokes 4
II Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes 11
III Funny Mummy Jokes 14
IV Dracula Jokes 19
V Funny Skeleton Jokes 23
VI Funny Witch Jokes 32
VII Funny Pumpkin Jokes 33
VIII Funny Halloween Puns 34
IX Halloween Dad Jokes 43
X More Halloween Jokes That Are Too Punny 49
Trang 5What would you call a vampire on sale?
A dis-Count Dracula
* * *What happened at the vampire sprint race?
It finished neck and neck
* * *What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
It's vein-illa
* * *Where do vampires not look that scary?
On reflection
* * *Why was the local vampire club getting bigger constantly?
They are always out for new blood
* * *How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club?
He had a bloody good time
Trang 6* * *Why do people hate vampires in general?
Because they suck
* * *
If vampires were furry creatures, what would they be called?
Nos-fur-atu
* * *What type of vampires are always grumpy?
The ones with B negative blood type
* * *What is usually the last meal of a vampire before execution?
A steak!
* * *Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers?
They hate stakeholders
* * *What do vampires usually call their boats?
Blood Vessel
Trang 7What is a vampire's favorite brand of beer?
Bloodweiser
* * *Why do vampires need mouthwash?
To combat bat breath
* * *What is a group of vampire groupies called?
A fang club
* * *When do ideas kill vampires?
When they dawn upon them
* * *Why are vampires massive sociopaths? They have zero capability of self-reflection
* * *Why do vampires refuse to bet on horses? Because of their inability to handle the stakes
Trang 8* * *What would you get when you cross a vampire with a
snowman?
Frostbite
* * *What is a redneck vampire 's favorite drink?
Blood Light
* * *Where do vampires deposit all their money?
The blood bank
* * *What is a vampire 's favorite fruit to eat when they need
Vitamin C?
Blood oranges
* * *What is a cross-dressing vampire called?
A Dragula
* * *
Trang 9Bloody Mary.
* * *What did the vampire doctor say to his patient?
You need more iron
* * *Why do vampires like attacking wizards?
They are neck-romancers
* * *What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient?
Necks please!
* * *Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He heard it had great circulation
* * *How do vampires get around on Halloween?
On blood vessels
* * *
Trang 10What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck
* * *What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem
* * *How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts
* * *What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite
* * *How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?
With a kill-o-byte
* * *
Do you know why I broke up with my vampire girlfriend?
Because she sucked the life out of me
* * *
Trang 11At the casketeria
* * *How many vampires will it take to change a light bulb?
None, why would they need it
* * *What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire only sucks blood at night
Trang 12II Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes
Why do ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures
* * *Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo
* * *Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos
* * *What is in a ghost’s nose?
Boo-gers
* * *Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
It didn’t have a haunting license
Trang 13Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
* * *Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff
* * *What does the daddy ghost say to his family when they get in
the car?
Fasten your sheet belts
* * *What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
* * *What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
Trang 14* * *Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
It raises their spirits
* * *Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
* * *How do you know when a ghost is sad?
He starts boo hooing
Trang 15Did you hear about the angry mummy?
He flipped his lid!
* * *Did you hear about the tense mummy?
He was all wound up!
They use masking tape
* * *How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope
Trang 16* * *What did King Tut say when he had a nightmare?
I want my mummy!
* * *What did one pyramid say to the other?
How’s your mummy!
* * *Why don’t mummies take time off?
They’re afraid to unwind
* * *Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life
* * *What kind of music do mummies like listening to on
Halloween? - Wrap music
* * *Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves
Trang 17Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch?
He couldn’t spell
* * *What did Pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid?
Mummy’s home!
* * *What do mummies put in their hair?
Scare spray
* * *What do they say at ancient Egyptian funeral homes? Satisfaction guaranteed, or double your mummy back!
* * *What do you call an Egyptian doctor?
Cairo-practor
* * *What does the Mummy do when he goes to the library?
He gets wrapped up in a good book!
Trang 18* * *What job do mummies do during the holidays?
They’re gift wrappers
* * *What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
* * *What kind of music do mummies like?
Wrap
* * *What was the mummy’s favorite football team?
The Mummy Dolphins
* * *How do mummies tell their future?
They read their horror-scope
* * *Where does a mummy go on vacation?
The Dead Sea
Trang 19What is the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy’s Day
* * *How can you tell if a mummy has a horrible cold?
By his deep, loud coffin
* * *How did the mummy defeat Superman?
With cryptonite
* * *What did the young pyramid say when it got scared?
Where’s my mummy!!
Trang 20IV Dracula Jokes
What is Dracula's favorite coffee order?
Decoffinated
* * *What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep?
Drac-Ewe-La
* * *Why did Dracula divorce his wife after she took a blood test?
She wasn't his type
* * *Why does Dracula always read the best-reviewed newspaper?
Someone told him it had good circulation
* * *Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula?
Nobody can ever beat the Count
* * *Why does Dracula not have friends?
He's such a pain in the neck
Trang 21Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
Because he was coffin too much
* * *Why did Dracula turn over a new leaf?
He wanted to be re-vamped
* * *Why are all other monster’s good friends with Dracula?
Because they could always Count on him
* * *What happened when Dracula posted prohibited content on
YouTube? - A Count suspended
* * *Why did Dracula fail at Art?
He was only able to draw blood
* * *What does Dracula say to greet everyone when he wakes up?
Good evening
Trang 22* * *What would Dracula with a guitar be called?
Vondervall
* * *Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula?
He could not go to the Krypt Tonight
* * *Where does Dracula usually take a bath?
In bat tubs
* * *What is the name of Dracula's vegan brother?
Count Rucola
* * *What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines
* * *Why doesn't Dracula attack chickens? Because chickens have fowl blood
Trang 23How does Dracula get his torch to turn on?
With bat-teries
* * *What song did Van Hel sing when he killed the last clone of
Dracula? - 'The Final Countdown'
* * *What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school?
Ac-count-ing
* * *Where does Dracula buy writing utensils from?
Pencil-veinia
* * *Why is Dracula not invited to parties?
Because he sucks the life out of them
* * *Why did Dracula take up math as a subject in college?
Because he loves to Count
Trang 24V Funny Skeleton Jokes
Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love
* * *Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin
* * *What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The grim sweeper
* * *What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs
* * *Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts
* * *Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
Trang 25Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin
* * *Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to dance with
* * *What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely
* * *Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs
* * *What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing It goes right through them
* * *Why didn't the skeleton rob the bank? Because he didn't have the guts
Trang 26* * *What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull
* * *Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn't have a funny bone
* * *What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs
* * *What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
You're dead to me
* * *Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it
* * *Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone
Trang 27Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick
* * *What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
Will you marrow me?
* * *When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone
* * *What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn't do
any work? - Lazy bones
* * *Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine
* * *What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler
Trang 28* * *How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones
* * *Why was the skeleton so calm?
Because nothing got under his skin
* * *Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical
school?
He didn't have the stomach for it
* * *What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire too long?
He became bone dry
* * *What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision
* * *
Trang 29sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew
* * *Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone
* * *What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china
* * *What did the skeleton bring to the picnic?
Spare ribs
* * *Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
Because he had no body to dance with
* * *What is a skeleton's favourite mode of transport?
A scare-plane
Trang 30* * *What does a skeleton fly in if his scare-plane isn't available?
A skele-copter
* * *What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
Bone voyage
* * *What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
You suck
* * *What was the skeletons' favourite rock band?
The Grateful Dead
* * *What's a skeletons' next-favourite rock band?
Bone Jovi
* * *Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man
Trang 31How do French skeletons say hello?
Bone-jour
* * *What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer
* * *Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
* * *Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop
* * *Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?
He was boning up for his exam
* * *What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key
Trang 32* * *Why couldn't the police arrest the skeleton?
Because they couldn't pin anything on him
* * *What do old skeletons complain about?
Aching bones
* * *How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him
* * *What does a skeleton say when he gets angry with another
skeleton?
I've got a bone to pick with you
Trang 33What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet
* * *What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
* * *What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling
* * *What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates!
* * *What's a witch's favorite makeup?
Ma-scare-a
* * *How does a witch style her hair?
With scare spray
Trang 34VII Funny Pumpkin Jokes
Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach
* * *What's a pumpkin's favorite genre?
Pulp fiction
* * *Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town
* * *How do you mend a jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch
* * *What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth
Trang 35Who did Dracula take to the school dance?
His ghoul friend
* * *Why won’t vampires prey on snowmen?
They’ll get frostbite
* * *What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine!
* * *Why are all mummies workaholics?
They’re afraid to unwind
* * *Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world?
People call him Count Everest
* * *What do vegan zombies eat?
GRAAAAAAAAAINS
Trang 36* * *What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music!
* * *What is the skeleton’s funniest bone? – Its humerus
* * *Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath!
* * *What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist!
* * *What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s
circumference by its diameter?
Pumpkin-Pie!
* * *Why do spirits have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love!
Trang 37What did the skeleton say to the gathering of ghosts when he
revealed that he has not been tricked?
I can see right through you!
* * *What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The Xlylo-bone!
* * *Which ghost is the best dancer? - The Boogie Man!
* * *Why did the witch look so angry?
She has a resting witch face!
* * *Why don’t ghouls like lentils?
They prefer human-beans
* * *Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Because people are dying to get in!
Trang 38* * *How did the great pumpkin fix his jeans?
With a pumpkin patch
* * *Why did the Vampire read The New York Times?
He heard it had great circulation
* * *What is a ghost’s favorite band?
The Grateful Dead
* * *How can you tell if a vampire has been to a bakery recently? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts
* * *What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I scream
* * *Where do ghosts like to go swimming?
Lake Erie
Trang 39The maker of this product does not want it The buyer does not
use it And the user does not see it What is it?
A coffin
* * *What should you eat at a baseball game on Halloween?
A frakenfurter!
* * *Why did the horseman from Sleepy Hollow go to business
school?
He wanted to get a head in life
* * *What do skeletons like to do on the weekend?
They love binge-watching their favorite shows on the
skele-vision!
* * *What are a ghost’s favorite ride at the fair?
The Scary-Go-Round!
Trang 40* * *Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were Trans-Parents!
* * *What did the vampire say after he graduated college?
Fangs for the memories
* * *What plants like Halloween the most?
Bam-BOO!
* * *How are witches able to stay so positive?
Witch-ful thinking!
* * *Why did the ghost go to the bar?
To get some boos
* * *What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim-Sweeper
Trang 41Want to know what you’ll find on a haunted beach?
A Sand-witch!
* * *What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Monster-ella
* * *Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field
* * *What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-o
* * *Why was the ghost sad on Valentine’s Day?
He couldn’t find a boo!
* * *What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets